The first time I wore my baby I was terrified. Terrified. I was convinced he was suffocating the entire time, and made it about a block from my house before I assured myself that I would indeed kill him if I continued. It took me weeks to feel comfortable putting my tiny baby in that thing.
So I am nothing but empathetic when I see this image of Ryan Reynolds, epically failing at wearing his baby:
I mean, seriously — who the hell knows how to use those things? As a new parent, you’re guessing. You’re guessing at everything and trying to make it seem like you feel comfortable doing something that you essentially have no idea about. This image cracks me up. I’m laughing with you, Ryan. Not at you.
In case anyone is wondering what the heck is wrong with this picture, that padded band is meant to support the baby (and your back). It should fit snugly around your waist, and the baby’s legs should be straddling your waist, like so:
If the baby is too small for that position, carriers provide infant inserts that cradle the baby’s legs.
As you can imagine, the internet sancti-parent parade came out in full force to remind both Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds that they were total assholes for wearing their baby wrong. I’m ad-libbing a little, but that was basically the gist:
“…the legs should NEVER EVER EVER slip through the waist band. I hope you wear your baby the correct way.”
“Babywearing should never be advertised in the wrong way, people may copy him and put other babies at risk of falling.”
“I’m so glad you’re baby wearing, but done improperly your baby can go falling to the ground or suffocate.”
“If your [sic] going to post a photo of you #babywearing at least do it right.”
“…please never wear your baby like this!!! VERY UNSAFE. use a rolled up receiving blanket or an infant insert!”
“WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PPL ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD AND YOU CANT EVEN CARRY YOUR BABY SAFELY. Jesus Christ!!!!!!!”
And on. And on. And on.
Being a new parent under a giant microscope must kind of suck. Well, at least they probably know how to wear their baby right, now. I can’t wait for the reactions to the first photo of their child in a carseat.