People ask me pretty often how I “manage it all.” Lately, my response has been to snort and reply that I’m hardly managing it all well, at all. Actually, it’s more like maniacal laughter than snorting and I’m pretty that sure I frighten people when I do it. Lately, I seem to be coming apart at the seams a bit. Perhaps you’ve noticed.
Remember that cheesy 90s movie Regarding Henry? Harrison Ford played an asshole lawyer who got shot in the head during a holdup and loses all memory of his life. During his first day back at work, his secretary pours his coffee and tells him to say “when” when he’s had enough milk. He doesn’t understand the request and she continues to pour the milk dramatically until it spills over onto the saucer. Later in the film, Henry realizes that the life he made for himself is not the one he wants to live. It’s time for him to make some changes. He says “when.”
Well, I’m saying when, too. I’m lucky, though. My life– the important stuff– I love. It’s the other stuff I’m having trouble handling. The stuff we can all live without, even though it might not be easy.
Much to my daughters dismay, we have found a new home for Lucky. (Note to all the husbands out there: When your wife says she doesn’t want a puppy, she means it, no matter how ridiculously cute he is.) I feel awful and guilty and know she’s going to have a tough time, but sacrificing my sanity just isn’t worth it. We’re having one last weekend with him and spending it taking lots of pictures and soaking up lots of tears. Next week will be spent spoiling the kids rotten.
My job was just too much. Working full-time from home sounds like the perfect situation, but it’s hard. So much harder than I ever thought it would be. I’m stopping that as well and am trying to take on a few smaller, more manageable projects. I have that degree in graphic design, after all, and I may as well use it. The financial aspect is going to hurt, probably more than I even realize, but it seems worth it.
I feel like I can breathe for the first time in months. I’d forgotten what it felt like, and it feels good. It feels right.
I love it when dated, sappy movies show me the way.
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{ 134 comments… read them below or add one }
Believe it or not, I understand about the dog. A puppy is like having another kid. When I volunteer at the animal shelter I actually prefer to walk the older dogs – they’re usually more calm.
We had a similar situation with an unwelcome pet. After a trip to Aruba B thought it would be a great idea to get an iguana. I emphatically told him I didn’t want one. He got it any way right before he went to Europe for two weeks for work! He did not take it to the vet for a check up and it died a few months later from a parasite it probably had from the day he bought it from the pet store.
I was pissed he got it and pissed he didn’t care for that animal properly. Even though I didn’t want it, I just felt like that’s not how we take care of animals in this house. They’re not expendable.
Wow…lots of changes around there. Sorry about Lucky, but I totally get it. Our dog has been at our in-laws for the past couple of weeks and my life has been so awesome…even with knee surgery recovery…no dog has been nice. Horrible, right?
You’ll figure out the money stuff…no worries…as long as you have what’s important. I loved that movie, BTW!
Rebecca recently posted..Friday Night Leftovers
Totally understand and commend you for recognizing the need to make changes! I used to work two jobs, go to school and manage my house before I had baby girl.I’ve always been that person who had to be too busy to handle it. While I was pregnant, my fiance said no more, I HAD to quit one job, because while it was my body and life, it was affecting his baby too. I quit, and instead of going back to the second job, every time I mention it, my family says “no way!” And I’m happier than ever, I’m glad they care enough to stop me.
Jill, I hear you. I hear you loud and clear and round and round and over and back again.
The breathing is all worth it. To take your breath back. To say ahhhh. To feel freed up even if you are still feeling crunched.
It’s messy. Life. Choices. All of it.
I applaud you for this. For putting it out there. For saying what you have. You give the distinct impression that you can, indeed, handle it all–and well. But I know all too well about “impressions” and I’m certain this post will touch many hearts.
Sarah recently posted..boys with sticks
Good for you! It will be hard for your daughter, but better overall for the family. If mommy is sane, everyone is better off! I hear you on the working from home thing. I do it twice a week and everyone thinks it’s awesome. It’s actually more challenging than going into the office everyday. The money thing? Something tells me you’ll get through it. Don’t you know moms have super powers? I’m sending oodles of luck to you via the blogosphere!
Eve@BeautifulSpitUp recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Sneaky at the Beach
A dog is a huge responsibilty, not something to take on unless all parties are for it. Which is what I tell my husband every time he sends me an email with a picture of a sad doggy from the ASPCA. And work, well, life is too short to go crazy for a few extra dollars. Good for you for looking out for yourself!
Thank you so much for writing this! I am dealing with a crossroads, if you will, in my life and was having a difficult time. But seeing that you had the courage to make some difficult decisions made me realize that I can make them too and they will be for the good of my whole family, even if the financial side will hurt for a bit.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I hope everything works out for you!
Good for you. For getting rid of the dog and reliving some of your load. It shows strength to admit when you have too much on your plate and wisdom to know how to dump some of it.
Raquel recently posted..Ten Things I Learned About Middle School Football
I really believe that as a people, we’ve forgotten HOW to say when, or even how to recognize it. Having the courage to say it? Is nothing less than a gift to yourself, and the people around you who do bring you joy.
Good on you for listening to that small niggling noise in the back of your head that slowly became a deafening roar. Quitting is the new promotion. ha!
Kirsten recently posted..Where Im From
–>Maybe Lucky’s new parents can keep you updated over the years too.
Good for you for setting limits and saying When. Uncle. Enough. Stop.
I have to have a chat with my best friend soon who is over her head with a full time job, Navy reserves, three kids under five, two houses, a husband who is traveling half the week, two dogs and two horses! She needs to say When too.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Simple Pleasures with Grandparents
We’re giving him to good friends of ours- so we can totally visit and stay in touch. I think it’s better that way for the kids.
I remember that movie Regarding Henry. It was so terribly cheesy. I think it was one of Harrison Ford’s first dramatic roles. I can’t believe it was released in theatres. It had more of a movie-of-the-week feel to it.
Anyhow, congrats on saying “when”.
Distracted Dadddy recently posted..More distractions
You have a heart of stone if you don’t tear up at the last scene where they pull her from the boarding school!
Jill, thank you for sharing this. I’ve been feeling guilty that I can’t “do it all,” and it feels so nice to hear that I’m not the only one struggling with this dilemma. I’ll be thinking of you & your family this weekend as you prepare Lucky for his new home.
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..What happens if you swim in September…
It’s been a month of sink or swim for a lot of us. Doing the right thing by you will make you feel better about things that are a priority for you .. Way to be strong and take the plunge!
yay you!!
xo
melissa recently posted..Sherlock Holmes Would Have Noticed How His Bra Was Made- Assuming He Wore A Bra- Of Course
Jill,
I love that you wrote this and as you know, I am also a WAHM and people think I am so lucky, too but without a full-time Nanny or outside help, I am really a SAHM with many additional challenges of finding a way “get it all done.” I struggle with this every day and I think it’s safe to say that if you are a mother – whether you work out of the home, inside the home or are a full-time SAHM, we ALL have it hard – and this “mom” job is harder than anyone could have ever imagined…
Thanks for reminding me I am not alone in this journey – and that a bloggy friend is only a comment away.
Theta Mom recently posted..Halloween Costume Review and Giveaway
I’m finding that it’s ALL hard– none harder than the other, just different. :)
Good for you for saying “when”. I think it’s just too easy to get overloaded and sometimes you get stuck and don’t know how to get out of the situation you’ve created for yourself.
Being able to say “when” is a learned skill.
Kmama recently posted..TYVM- 9-23-10
You are a cold hearted bitch. I hope your daughter hates you for this, and I’m sure she will. You hardly even gave the poor dog a chance. I’m sure you would have given your kids away if you could. I hate your blog, and this is the last time I will be reading. All you do is complain, complain, complain, bitch, and moan about being a mom and a wife. You sound like the most miserable person in the world.
WHY DO I HAVE THAT FEELING THAT YOU’LL CONTINUE TO READ! OH I KNOW WHY .. BECAUSE YOU’RE THE MOST MISERABLE COLD HEARTED BITCH OUT THERE …
HAVE A PLEASANT DAY MADGE!! OR BETTER YET GO KICK FUCKING ROCKS!
It’s Jill’s blog, to do with what she pleases. I’m sure she will hold the door open for you on your way out and bid you good riddance. If you don’t like the content, no one is holding a gun to your head telling you to read it. Meanwhile, hateful comments like this solidify the fact that I’ll never read anything YOU write, I wouldn’t want to taint even 5 minutes of my life with that kind of hate.
Julie recently posted..One Month in
Whoa there, Madge! Let’s back this up a minute. I’m pretty sure a bitch is defined as someone who leaves hateful, judgmental comments on a blog. You do not know Jill or have any idea of the circumstances surrounding her deciding to find Lucky a new home.
Here’s an inside tip into the land of blogging: You don’t get to “know” a person simply by reading a blog. What you see of their life is what they allow you to see. Before you tear someone down based on a few posts, try giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Your second option is to simply click that little X in the top corner of your screen and say nothing at all.
Either way works.
Wow. Just – Wow.
Every time I see one of these insane comments I’m shocked all over that people truly have A- Nothing better to do with their time and B.- so much anger in them.
Jill is one of the sweetest, most down to earth, real people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in the blogosphere. She does not deserve these horrible comments that hold NO TRUTH to them AT. ALL.
She gave away a dog. BIG. DEAL. She didn’t let it loose to be picked up by the ASPCA, she found a caring home for it.
I don’t know if you are a Mom, MADGE but, as Moms we have to do what is best for our families- and having a well balanced Mom is always best for the family.
Corine recently posted..“The Big 3-0″… Bah-Humbug
Oh for goodness sake. My parents gave away 4 out of 7 dogs when we were growing up. For various reasons – I’m sure a few of them were the fact that they simply realized the dog wasn’t the best fit for our family of 6.
I still go home to visit. I love my parents. Never, in my 27 years, have I ever sat down and thought about the dogs and had a meltdown over it. Or refused to speak to them until they made it right.
Such is life. Lily is a big girl – it will be sad, like it was for me, and she’ll get over it. I can’t see her at 35 bawling in therapy, penniless and unable to function in life, because a dog she had for 2 months was given to a good home.
Diana @Hormonal Imbalances recently posted..Silly Daddy – parenting is for women
Thank you, guys. XOXOXO
Hmm..I suspect “Madge” is really “Neveah”…
Hey Madge..see that door over there?
Yeah, well don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
Inhale… and exhale…
Enjoy those deep breaths. ;)
Good! Breathe, my friend. Life is definitely not worth stressing over. You should enjoy it. :D
S Club Mama recently posted..baby snores
You probably have some idea how thrilled I am that my son is allergic to dogs.
You gotta do what’s best for your family even when there are conflicting feelings – so glad you were able to make the cuts instead of keeping the suffering!
Cranky Sarah recently posted..A bit geeky
My husband went and got a puppy even though I didn’t want one. He promised he would take care of it, but alas… I am the one doing the feeding and walking and cage cleaning. I’m glad to know that if I decide I just can’t take it anymore I have the option of giving the dog away.
Kids are pretty resiliant (sp?) , I’m sure your daughter will come to understand in her own time. Bring a mother is hard. It doesn’t matter WHAT we do, we always wonder if we might the right decision.
Penny recently posted..Deploying to Iraq
made*
Penny recently posted..Deploying to Iraq
Sometimes the really hard decisions are the ones that make the most impact. You are absolutely doing the right thing. We thought we could take on another dog–it became very obvious very quickly that we could not. My girls are younger, so it wasn’t a big deal to them, but I think your kids will get over it pretty quickly too. That whole mama guilt thing is a bitch though.
When we get to that point where we can say “No” to things, we know we have grown up. Go you!
Sara Plays House recently posted..I’m Talking Somewhere Else Not here
We have 5 horses. That’s six more than I want and two more than my husband wants.
We have a dog and a kid. I think that’s enough.
My husband wants cattle. :O
I believe that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Knowing or discovering your limits is vital.
Meet yourself where you are at. If you are not in a good place for a puppy and you found him a better home, then you have done your job as a pet owner.
Letting go of a job or any big change is always hard. But if you are doing it to support your health (and sanity) so that you can be a better person/mom, then you are following the right course.
Just because you are willing to say out loud a lot of the stuff that we are thinking does not make you a cold hearted bitch. I have seem nothing whatsoever on this site to make me think anything of the kind. You might not paint everything with a rosy glow, but if we’re being honest life is more messy than not.
People often mistake honesty for meanness.
The internet is a wondrous tool. But I am appalled by the lack of manners that it engenders. Name calling and the like are completely unnecessary no matter what your opinion is. I’m talking to you Madge.
Brook @ To Be Dancing recently posted..Six word Fridays- Thankful
Everyday this summer I thought: “It’s 100 degrees outside, I’m pregnant and running after a toddler, I cannot breathe!…
Then I would think: “Jill has 3 kids, a full time job, a wildly successful blog, two dogs, and she still cooks. If she can do it, I certainly can take O to the park.”
I feel like after reading your blog this morning a load has been lifted from my shoulders. Is that weird since you just took a load off of yours?
BIG congrats. I think you have always made decisions that honor yourself and that’s a better gift to give to your children than any cute pup.
That makes me so happy– weight being lifted feels good.
hmmmm….i just watched The Graduate again last night…..now where can i find me a hot 20-year-old college grad? LOL
Oh, good for you. It’s hard to say No, but it’s vital to your health, wellbeing, and family. Proud to know so many women who stand up for themselves.
(And in a totally self-serving note, graphic design degree? Does this mean you designed your website and might be taking on web-design clients? Just hypothetically speaking, of course. Or not. :-)
Serene recently posted..Follow Friday- 1000 Reasons I’m a Crap Mom
Hypothetically speaking, yes. E-mail me. :)
Ugh. I’m so sorry about the dog thing, for your kids and for you, I know what you’re talking about, although I had to endure our dog b/c my husband is absolutely in love with him. I’m learning to love him in my own way.
But as for all the other stuff, i’ve recently had to step back from a lot of things as well, and that is why I haven’t been around HERE as much. Being a mom, holding down the fort and keeping priorities in check is so difficult. Since my oldest started kindergarten this year I feel like I am absolutely drowning under so many emotions and schedule conflicts etc.
Good for you for putting yourself first for once. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of our families. I’m learning that slowly.
Julie recently posted..One Month in
WOO HOO – good for you!! I hope you find space to breathe and be happy. I too will be making some changes once we finally get settled in our new house. There is just too much and I need to take stock and prioritize – with my happiness moving a little higher up the ladder… Thank you for sharing!
I can honestly say I know how you feel, Jill.
I too had to say, “When” this week and while it was not easy. It had to be done.
Its a hard road to walk, but in the end I think we’ll be better wives, mothers, and women for putting ourselves first for a change.
Sending a big hug to you today!
LOVE this post and your honesty. Looking forward to seeing you at #momzshare. Am certain any choices you make career-wise will only bring the best for you because, dude, you are a total rock star. ;)
Saying ‘when’ can be hard but when you finally do it is like being born again. Congratulations on your brave decession and I hope that everything works out dog and childwise.
Good for you! As much as I wanted to leave my last job – it was still a little hard. I felt like I was failing on some level (which was actually true becasue it was evolving in a direction that I just knew would be a disaster for me). Plus I had taken some pride in being a “do it all” working mom. But at the end of the day, you do need to put your sanity first. You’re holding it all together after all!
Kate Coveny Hood recently posted..Old is the New Fat
That is a tough decision, but I commend you for having the guts to make it. The added stress is really not worth it. Your daughter will recover and the family will ultimately be happier once the stress of raising a puppy is lifted.
Have a great weekend!
Jennifer recently posted..Pregnancy- Protein- and a Darn Good Smoothie Recipe…
So, what was that job you stopped doing? Because I’m looking for one!
Puppies are fun for everyone – as long as they get to be like grandparents – have the fun and none of the responsibility. Well done you.
lceel recently posted..Haiku Friday – What Einstein Saw
Wait… so you’re saying maniacal laughter in response to someone’s question isn’t normal and insinuates something wrong?
Well now, I’m going to have to do a little introspection this afternoon.
*maniacal laughter*
Oh I am so sorry about Lucky, but honestly husbands everywhere listen up- NO means NO.
I bet the kids will learn a valuable lesson from this, how to take care of your needs so that you can take care of others. I wish you lots of strength to get through the weekend.
So about that graphic design degree, are you considering doing blog design for others? Hmmm?
Yuliya recently posted..Double Dipping and it feels so good
but honestly husbands everywhere listen up- NO means NO. Ya know, that finger you’re pointing works has two tips. We have our share of nonsense to contend with too.
Jack recently posted..Dancing at the Movies – Music Video
Hooray for wise decisions! Hope you never regret even, even briefly.
right on, girl. you have to put the oxygen on yourself before ANYONE else…even your children…because you can’t help them if you’ve passed out already.
i hope this inspires all your readers to evaluate their lives…and theirs only…for a kind of “check up”. fall is such a great time of year to re-evaluate.
peace to you and yours!
alisha recently posted..the skinny
and…how many times could i use the word “evaluate”? gah i hate when i do that!
alisha recently posted..the skinny
I’m soo soo close to being at the when point! Trying to get a bunch of bills paid down before I do anything drastic!
mom taxi julie recently posted..Stop the bus I want to get off
It’s hard to “when”, because aren’t we just supposed to be able to do it all?
*fist bump* to you, lady!
Enjoy breathing.
MommyNaniBooboo recently posted..End Of The World
I’m so proud of you. You just made some really “grown-up” decisions that though seem tough now, I’m sure, are going to make you all better in the long-run, I just know it. I wish I could hug you right now. For lots of reasons. Have a great weekend J. xoxo
Elaine recently posted..You Capture – Flowers!
I so totally get this. Sometimes we add stuff a little at a time until all of the sudden we realize that we added way more than we ever intended. Husbands should NEVER bring anything into the house that needs to be cared for. Ever.
Jennifer recently posted..I thought it would never be over
It takes a lot of guts to tap out. But, you know, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Maybe now you can find some free time for a mommy play date? (I say that like I have free time …)
Glad you are taking care of yourself! Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do, but one of the most important things.
I give you a lot of credit for knowing your limits and handling it! Most of us will foolishly play the martyr and resent everyone else for it in the long run. As for that dog – I don’t know how anyone can juggle kids and a needy pet. When I had my daughter, I couldn’t believe she was less work than a puppy. My bizarre postpartum distrust for animals doesn’t help either.
I’m so disappointed that I’ll miss the Momzshare event. I hope it goes well.
Enjoy your new breathing room!
beckie & the grub recently posted..Date Night
I think that’s awesome. You know your limits & admit them. I also work from home (albeit p.t.) but I get so frustrated at the perception that it’s such a great, easy gig.
And I tell my husband ALL the time that if the dog ran away, I’d be more relieved than sad.
Abby recently posted..Portrait By a Young Artist
I, too, made the crazy decision to quit my job in this economy, because it was taking too high a toll on my sanity. Of course, now having no money is taking its toll on my sanity, but hopefully this too shall pass. I keep reminding myself that no matter how stressed out I am right now, at least I’m not having constant panic attacks and spending half my workday in another floor’s restroom so nobody recognizes the feet under the stall from which the sound of tears and hyperventilation are emerging.
Plus, my house looks better.
I have a question for you – as a mom looking into working at home. How do you manage time with young children who are around you all day – and still run a successful blog? I feel guilty when my daughter wants to play but I need to get thing finished, and yet am not great at carving out time to do “computer” work. It’s always on, always there – from the laptop to my phone.
How do you balance it? I know you have 3 so in some ways it might be easier to tell them to all go play together, and they are older than my DD so they might understand it. But then, with 3, there’s the individual time and attention each needs. It seems like you do have a pretty good grasp on this, so any advice?
:) And I love your blog. And you on FB.
Diana @Hormonal Imbalances recently posted..Silly Daddy – parenting is for women
Congrats! It’s incredibly hard to say “when.” I don’t know that I always know when to say it either.
Jen recently posted..Storytellers Week- History 101
Good for you! Breathing is good.
watercolor recently posted..surrounded by mud
I hear ya! I even got suckered into being the Cub Scout Den Leader. And as much as I like our dog and think she’s cute. I could SOOO do without her damn fur all the time. UGGH! I wish I could say “when” on that more than anything.
I think Ive been one of those people asking you how you manage it all- on more than one occasion! ….
Congrats to you, learning when to say “when”… now if only I could learn the same.
You are a rock star mama… F-that crazy commenter above.
… seriously, what is up with you attracting all the crazies lately? ;)
Corine recently posted..“The Big 3-0″… Bah-Humbug
To Madge: I feel so sorry for you. You are obviously a very broken person to have so much hate in your heart. Your post was very disturbing. You need serious help; I hope you can get it.
i’m impressed with (and maybe just a tad bit jealous of?!) your strive for balance. it’s so hard to do as a mom but so-very-necessary! good for you! :)
Minnesota Mamaleh recently posted..Minnesota Mamaleh- Candy Coated Moments
Congrats, Jill. We have had to make similar choices lately, but honestly, having more money is not at all equal to having my husband home to take our son to school and pick him up, and be here if he needs it. I keep telling myself that it will all work out in the end, and that’s always true.
Enjoy the calm, and ignore the crazies. That lady is scary, huh?
Jill – I’ve been thinking about you ALL day! Ever since I read this post early this morning. GOOOOO JILL! So happy to hear you’re putting your priorities in order and eliminating what needs to be eliminated. I’m positive you all will make it work – and I’d love to promote your design business, if that’s what you’re going to do. Can not wait to see you next weekend. Big fat hug.
christy recently posted..Sleep- baby- sleep!
I cannot WAIT to see you, too!!!
Girl. I so hear you on this. We have gone through thoughts very similar with our very needy dog.
Good for you for saying when, I totally struggle with that. I feel like raising the white flag reveals some sort of deeper defeat which is the most ridiculous notion. Good for you, I could learn a lesson or a million from you.
Mommyfriend Lori recently posted..The Nakey Preggo Pic
Thanks. I needed that. After 5 years as a SAHM and 2 years working part-time, I decided to go back to work full time this year against my better judgement. I am so regretting the decision and am feeling constantly overwhelmed. The paycheck is nice but staying home with my kiddos was nicer. Luckily I’m in education so, come June, I hope to return to the part-time gig. Some people can juggle the full time work and kids; I’m just not cut out to do it all.
Getting a puppy was the one thing that convinced me that I didn’t want any more children. Cause you can’t stick a baby in a little crate when it is bothering you. They are hard work, good for you for sticking up for yourself and not just being a guilt-ridden miserable mom!
Good for you!!
Jen recently posted..granted
I don’t say “when”, I just shut down. My home life is such that i’m in survival mode all.the.time. I WISH I could say “when” because I need this ride to stop before I crash. I wish I could breath.
tracy recently posted..requisite birthday post
All, thank you soooooo much for the support. Don’t know what I would do without you.
I hope you are able to find some peace now and that things start to smooth out for you. I only started blogging myself a few months ago, so I have not been reading your posts for as long as most of your followers seem to have been doing. And maybe because of this, I did notice a sort of ambivalence or uncertainty or feeling of being lost in some of your posts–even through the humor. But that is what is good about writing. Especially truthful writing, which is what I think you have been doing.
My mother use to say “You need to do some soul-searching,” when I had a similar occurrence in my life. So, I did . And, it helped. You have obviously done some of that and maybe now you see the path a little clearer and are ready to go down it with more strength and certainty than you’ve had in a little while. If so, Hooray for YOU!
You are teaching your children a wonderful lesson. That you trust your instincts, you make a decision, and you do what’s best for you so you can do what’s best for your family as well. You are teaching that every person matters, no matter whether their a mother or a father, a teacher or an engineer, a waitress or a movie star. We all have to take care of ourselves for the sake of our well being and we MUST know how to say “enough is enough.” It’s not a crime to say “no more” when we are overwhelmed. The little things ARE important and we don’t have to do something BIG everyday of our lives in order to feel meaningful and worthwhile. And, we certainly don’t have to live up to other people’s standards or views about what is right and what is wrong just to feel like we measure up in this world. You are the captain of your own ship.
So, here’s to good sailing and a wonderful journey! Your on the right course now.
rtcrita recently posted..A Walk in Summer
As I type this, MY puppy Lucky lies at the floor near my feet and my arm is itching from my dog allergy. i didn’t want a puppy either – and the fam kind of bullied me into it, promising the sun, moon and stars.
So, now, I’m in love with this adorable mutt – even though I’m allergic and he’s an insane amount of work (I’d rather have three more babies than get another puppy). He’s definitely a member of our family, but I am more than a little resentful about the time committment this has required from ME – she who didn’t want the puppy to start with.
I get it.
As someone who loves reading your blog and have always wondered how you do it all, I applaud you for your brutal honesty. I’ve worked on and off in various capacities since the kids were born – first full-time – then 2 years as SAHM – then part-time with a mixture of in office/WAH. There have been a few periods of no work and I felt sorry for myself.
Now that I’m working again, I miss those periods and wish I had been more grateful during those times for having that time.
You are so talented and so well connected that you will be able to create whatever schedule you like, and I can’t wait to see what you do next. But do breathe and take some time to relax first and enjoy your kids. They are adorable!
holly recently posted..My New Broadway Buddy and I See the Show “Wicked”
Jill – I commend you. What you did on both the dog and job front was very hard to do. Putting PEOPLE ahead of dogs and jobs is the right thing to do. If the dog is impeding your ability to find peace in your day and keep a home the way it needs to be for a family of young children, it’s not going to work. Madge, clearly you don’t have a dog because they don’t get ‘a chance’ – they need like 50,000 fucking chances and unless you’re Cesar, no mother has the time for it.
And as for the job, everyone thinks working from home is the Holy Grail until you actually do it and then you realize you’re doing neither role as well as you’d like – mothering or working. It’s HARD.
Jill, as my Ozark brethren would say, KEEP KICKIN, CHICKEN.
I think you have to know when to say when, and know when to be true to yourself, which you are doing.
I’m sorry for your kids and the dog, but it is probably the right solution. I remember at BlogHer when you told me about the dog and you looked, well, less than thrilled.
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Way to listen to your gut.
(And I actually have vaguely fond memories of that movie…isn’t that the one with the Ritz hotel/crackers thing? It’s hard for me to knock anything that stars Harrison Ford. Sigh.)
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..And fuzzy puppies too
I know, without a doubt, you will be just fine.
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Good for you. You take care of you and your kids. Something I should learn from at least.
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Good for you! I love it when we find the right time to say “when”. I hope things settle down and you feel like you’re back to your old self again :-)
Did you find a GOOD home for Lucky? Is there any chance they might want my dog Sophie, too? You are a saint for working at home full-time with everything going on as long as you did. I remember a time when I loved my dogs. Truly, I did. But when I got laid off a few years ago and spent 1 1/2 years home with them, it definately jaded me a bit towards them. For me, it’s the barking. At everything. You know what I mean. The pain of that can only truly be appreciated when you’re home all day with them.
JulieBouf recently posted..Why I have smoke coming out of my ears
We have three dogs, all my husbands idea. I’d love to have a home free of pet fur, I’d enjoy no barking too. By the way, if one dog gets sick, they pass it around the home just likes kids pass their illnesses back and forth. Just went to the vet today and got antibiotics for our min pin because it got sick from the German Shepard, who did get well from her round of antibiotics.
You need to do what works for you. Moms work hard and their work is never done. I think if you see a mom doing no work it’s just because she’s trying to re-energize to do more work. Plus if you saw the things you do stay nice and kept for even one week that would give such satisfaction, but usually the next day or even sooner it’s like you have to do everything back over again. It wears on you when you have other stuff, like another job you have to do too.
I hope only the best for you in the direction you want to go.
Lauralee Hensley recently posted..Spike Sneezes- Fall Comes- and Stress Takes Over!
I understand what you mean about it being difficult to work from home with kids. I managed to work part time with my son at home before he started at the creche, but he was a quiet, easy baby who didn’t demand much attention. My daughter, on the other hand, is another story… My sanity has demanded that I stop working until she starts at the creche next year. Unfortunately that also means no new shoes until then (for me at least, the kids get everything they need – and then some!)
Thank you for this post. It has seriously made me think. I’ve been feeling highly strung and run down but couldn’t work out why. Then after reading this it hit me, maybe I do too much and don’t rest..like ever! Now to streamline my life and clear out some clutter. where shall I start?
Frazzeledmummy recently posted..Baby Blues
Thanks for being real. I feel better knowing it’s not just ME. It used to be I was thrilled and fullfilled by volunteering and Chairing local projects. Two years later I am tired, drained and these “projects” don’t seem to want to let me go. I love cheesy 80′s movies and I guess I would liken my situation to Melaine Griffin in Working Girl. As I try to go down new paths, grow as a business woman, and work on a fledging business (beside work full time and raise a family) my “old life” and these ANCHORS keep trying to pull me back in. Yes, the guilt is huge. A sense of Obligation is hanging over me like the Goodyear Blimp. But the reality is, my time with these projects/events is done. I need to keep MY corner of the world all neat and tidy. Thanks for the post Jill. I don’t envy your position with Lucky, but I know it’s the right thing to do. Good for you for having the balls to know when to say “when”. I need to work on that one.
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less is more. i used to measure my success as a person by how much i was able to fit into my day but i quickly learned that only made me a burnt out and grumpy person. only you know what is best and only you know what you are able to handle and i love how this post was real about that. that it is okay to do less but live more.
The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The Making of King Ch 9
You go woman! It’s hard to know your limits. But it’s better to acknowledge that you’ve had enough before you explode.
And dude, having a dog is hard! You totally did the right thing by kicking Lucky to thr curb…I mean finding him a new home. Who has time for that shit? Literally!
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Good for you! You can’t be any good for anyone else if you’re too stressed out and stretched thin. It will all work out and you’ll be so glad you followed your gut.
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It’s important to be able to recognize what’s important and be able to say when. I hope you’ll feel like yourself again. :)
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I KNOW it isn’t an easy decision to make, but you know that cheesy saying somewhere that nothing that means anything is truly easy – it applies. Now the decision is made, and things get to be a bit easier – which in the long run will make you a better woman, mom, wife, friend, etc. That’s what is really important.
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LOVE THIS. Super Mom/Wife/Woman is so overrated. Unless you are a fan of nervous breakdowns. :)
McMommy recently posted..For A Good Time…
Hmmm, keep a puppy that you don’t want, that you will resent, that will make you resent the person that brought him into your life, and everyone ending up unhappy including the dog … OR … find him a new home, where we will be happy, restoring sanity to your mind, saving your relationship with the puppy buyer, and restoring sanity to your family life. Some decisions are hard, especially when they are best for everyone. You are a strong person for being able to make that move. And good for you for lightening up your workload. Breeeeeaathe!
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My last day at job #3 is Oct. 6 and I can’t. friggin. wait. to breathe again.
Remember, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!
congratulations!
I’ve found that decisions like this often surprise us opening new doors that we might bot have dared to imagine. good luck
angelica recently posted..On aid and Tourism
WHEN! There is so much to do and see, and if we spend our time doing and seeing things that don’t add to our lives… we aren’t going to be peaceful or serene…
Thanks for writing about it!
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Working from home is EXTRAORDINARILY hard. It’s a blessing to be in the same physical space with the kids, but hard when you feel you cannot be there fully as “Mommy” when you want to be.
You’ll be A-OK with the financial adjustment. Trust me, you will. In recent months for reasons I’d never have chosen, I went back to the out-of-home workforce and now Daddy is the stay-at-home-parent. He’s picking up small gigs here and there, but not a full-time work-from-home job. He’s LOVING it. Here’s hoping you’ll do the same.
Peace to you, Sweet Sister.
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Good for you! I feel the same way lately. Kind of like an it’s time to take life by the balls mentality. We’ll see how it goes. Good luck saying goodbye to the puppy. He was cute, but they are so much work!
~Laura recently posted..The Boiling Point
Oh lord-I understand it. When I was working for HP doing event management it was high stress. Just because I was working from home part-time didn’t make it easy. Add in a boss that thought since I worked from home I was at her disposal to work from my home at all hours-even those that involved sleeping.
So I quit.
To take a part-time job as a newspaper columnist. I actually get to go to an office about ten hours a week and interact with grown-ups I like.
It’s my dream job but WAY less pay. And that is WAY less fun than I expected.
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WOw, Jill, that is wonderful. I think it’s a good measure of your decision when, after you’ve made it, you aren’t wondering if you did the right thing. Instead you’re happy and relieved. That tells you something right there.
Good for you for finding the balance, for saying when.
I got a little nervous that this was our “Dear Jane” letter to us from you. I don’t wanna break up with you!!!
Texan Mama recently posted..10 Things that Make Me Happy
Oh friend, let me be the 110th person to say that they agree with you about the dog … and totally feel your pain. We had the same issues with ours when we got her 9 years ago… and had it been up to my husband, we would have sold her to the circus 8 years 11 months ago.
Sometimes I still wonder how much easier life would have been w/o her. How less expensive it would have been. How many fewer times I could have vacuumed the house.
No pithy remarks either… I really do wonder…
Exactly why I would *never* buy a big ticket item like a dog without getting full approval from the other half. And I expect the same from him!
Lesson learned. Hope Lucky is happy at his new home, and the kids are ok. They’ll be fine.
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem recently posted..Hot or Not Ronan Keating
Thanks Jill for writing this! I sometimes feel like I am the only one struggling, so when you read a post like this you realize you are not alone. Unfortunately, I have to start looking for work again – while I am excited after two years to get back, I really do have mixed feelings. I know it will be hard, a struggle and not so sure how it will go. I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it, but thank you for always being honest! Good luck to you…and I totally get “finally being able to breathe again”!
i’m just glad you found him a good home to go too.
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Sappy movies ALWAYS show us the way, don’t they? Congratulations on making the decisions that were right for you. That takes strength. And besides, breathing is important.
there are so many people who operate under the misguided notion that you can force a dog to work with your pack but the thing is, dogs are like people, they have personalities. If there is a conflict of personality, it’s never going to work and why make your family AND the dog miserable? I think you have made a wise choice and I hope Lucky is a better fit with his new family.
On the job front, the thought of less money is scary but what you otherwise gain can sometimes make it 100% worth it and it sounds like that is how things are going to go for you. Enjoy your time together.
fidget recently posted..The rumors are true
Bravo. Jill, I will live vicariously through your newfound sanity until I hit my own wall. Meanwhile, I keep going and going and going and….
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sometimes u just have to say when, and kukos for you for doing so jill!
scrappysue recently posted..photostory friday- just like wordful wednesday- but with more photos and words
you totally just made me want to quit my job. i’ll have kev call you if he needs to discuss. (so happy for you! it is so hard to say when!)
Oh yes, I understand the dog part, too. Women love puppies, yes, but having them at home brings many new responsibilities. Even if kids swear they will take good care of them, they never do and it is the woman who has to do the job eventually. So you are completely right – when a woman says she doesn’t want a puppy, she means it.
I agree with the knowing to say when. I’m realizing it today, that working full time is not working out for me with all my family obligations.
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Good for you!
Sarahviz recently posted..What the Birthday List of a Soon-to-Be 9 Year Old Boy Looks Like
Good for you, Jill. You’re already a supermom, and a wonderful, wonderful person. I know you are smart enough to make the best decisions for your family, even if sometimes they can be hard at first. LOVE YOU!
Just be sure not to let other, non-important, stuff fill up your still non-existent time! I quit my full-time last year and my husband asks me when I’m *really* going to quit at least once a week!
And the dog. Oh, the dog. My dog drives me bonkers. Some days, I want to open the front door and let her go, except she just wouldn’t and that would drive me crazy, too! The dog is way harder than the kid some days.
Good for you for saying “when!” It takes a stronger person to do that than to tough it out.
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good for you…really, GOOD FOR YOU…for knowing and how to say WHEN.
wishing you lots of good stuff as you stop and take a deep breath. :)
HUGS
Kir recently posted..Perfect Moment Monday- A Life in the City
a puppy? don’t feel guilty about saying “when”! a puppy is more work than a newborn!!!
freshmom recently posted..Angel Dear Blankies- the more- the merrier
I realize I’m late with this, but I just wanted to say good for you. It’s important to know when you’ve had enough – and hard to do. You’re very brave. Lucky will be fine – it’s much better he goes to a new home where he’s well and truly welcome than stay with a family already stretched to the limit.
amber recently posted..Top Five Daycare Induced Insecurities
Good for you! We could all benefit from learning how to say when.
B recently posted..Oh Fall- How I love thee
Sayinng ‘when’ is hard and glad to know you’ve put your foot down said enough is enough. Gotta start learning that, too :). Re the puppy, I sure like looking at them but the emotional, physical, mental AND financial investment that goes with it is not enticing for me now. But the puppy can eventually help your daughter learn small ‘responsibilities’ :)
Steph recently posted..Benefits of Parenting Education
I have four kids, the older they get the harder it is for me to say no. My 6th grader wants to walk with his friends from school, my fourth grader wants walk with her older brother, my Kinder wants me stay at school with her all day long, and my three old, wants to climb the walls.
I think they are built with some sort of radar, to ask me these kinds of questions! Normally on Friday, when I am trying to wind down. Friday’s after I do the round up, and the getting them off to school routine is over for a couple of day’s, sometimes I get too relaxed, and just hearing those cute little voices ask me over and over again, instead if saying the normal mommy voice no! With that expression of I mean it! It is easier to YES!
So I tried that, and for the moment, it feels great! Then I realized why I said no in the first place. So now I am sticking to my guns, except when they ask to go to friends house!
I have to prioritize, when mommy is in a good mood, everybody is in a good mood! When mommy is stressed out and tired, the house is a mess! You have to do only what you can do, even superman has to go back to reality. Women especially think we can do it all, but we get worn down. We have to relax, and unwind, to be a good mom is to be good to yourself first, then worry about your offspring. Plus looking old before your time is not pretty, age gracefully, and nobody wants to look like they have four kids.
How nice of you to let your children and your husband get attached and love the dog and YOU get to decide that the dog has to go.
Sounds like your husband has wanted a dog for years; how about you think about him instead of you?
Funny how people treat dogs and cats like they are something you can return – like a pair of pants or shoes.
Poor husband; hope he doesn’t decide to say “when” when comes to dealing with you!!
Jill, thanks for keeping it real. Reading this post makes it easier for all of us to breathe a little easier. I, too, was one of those people that was asked, “How do you do it all?” I ended up admitting the painful answer to that question 8 months ago. I realized that I can “do it all” because I miss out on life. I miss out on the things that really matter, like spending time simply “being” with my family. I am thankful to report that on that day, I decided to go Hands Free…striving to let go of the endless commitments and daily distraction that consumed my joy. The result? I have never been happier and more connected to what really matters to me.
I find your insights so refreshing! Thank you!
Hands Free Mama recently posted..How Kind Of You To Notice
I can completely relate, thank you so much for writing about this! I feel like our dog is the one aspect of my life that is Just. Too. Much. The straw that is breaking my back. I day dream about “accidentally” leaving the gate open so she’ll run away. I actually love dogs, but she just has a nasty personality & my husband has spoiled her rotten and won’t hear a word said against her. If the kids liked her, that would help, but they don’t. I just can’t see how she’s worth the effort & expense.