Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, (Lily, Ben, and Evan) quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.
@scarymommy
NYT bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Fond of curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
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{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }
YUP! Except the sleep thing. I was BLESSED with great sleepers. My biggest problem is getting them to wake up in the morning. :)
Amber recently posted..Happy Birthday Mom!
And that is already a huge step in facing all the rest. I can’t complain either, to be honest. That is why I am still sane.
Nuts about food recently posted..Roasted lemon and red onion chutney
Oh, Amber. Amber, Amber, Amber. Leave this place and never return!
All of these made me smile, but momsonic hearing? I can name that gait in three steps. And then momprehension: I amaze myself with the ability to hear, understand, and respond accordingly when they’re all talking at once.
Arnebya recently posted..Deviating from the Usual
After 5 kids I definitely know the MomFlex!!!
I have great Momprehension.
Katie recently posted..My Husband’s STD
: ) Love. Love. Love.
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Much to be thankful for.
If I ever come down with MomFlex, I need someone to come and shoot me.
Have a good weekend!
m.
Mom Savior = Scary Mommy
You nailed it! Every single one! Especially the cosmic way that any time I get ready to enjoy a cup of coffee, and hope that it will done in a brief moment of peace and quiet, all hell surely does break loose!
Paging Dr Mommy recently posted..Mommy Helper at Kindergarten
Haha, love this Jill!!
Nikki recently posted..It feels like yesterday
Momversation: Using child-level terms and explanations when talking with adults.
Bullgrit recently posted..Photograph
I know this one – my friends used to hate me for it.
Mercy recently posted..Missing My Babies Babyhood
Love that one! Super embarrassing when you tell a room of adults that you need to go potty.
We had a firedrill this week at work. My reaction when the firebrick pulled up: firetruck!!!!! Good thing they all know I have a two year old…
Love it! I can do the Thermomother thing. It’s scary accurate, but of course I check it anyway. Some of the others I need to work on.
MomEinstein recently posted..Thoughts on Having a Second Kid
We’re pretty amazing creatures, aren’t we?
Stephanie recently posted..Snooki, Angelina, and the Death of All Things Beautiful
Completely. :)
HAHA!! I love this! So very true.
Jessica recently posted..Meet My Neighbor Friday: Life Ever Since
I am prefecting the art of Momprehension, I only have 2 boys but add in there Hubby talking about his day and let’s face it, I got 3!!
Erin recently posted..What do you know…..
Moms-A-Lot: The ability to accomplish a weeks tasks in a single afternoon while daddy sits confused in the recliner!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..UPDATED: Being Better Than Yourself!
YES!!
Love this especially the mom flex and the mom sleeves!!
It seriously just made my day to find out that mom sleeves are a real thing and not just something gross that I invented!!
I know Momlusional so well. BUT I’m absolutely positive that tonight I will get some sleep.
See…
Jennifer recently posted..The Silent Auction
Yeah… How’d that work out for you? (Written at 5AM?)
I stayed up too late, had one crawl in one side at about 2 and the other one about 5. (sigh)
Jennifer recently posted..The Silent Auction
Add me to the growing crowd of Momlusional ladies. I am going to DIE if I don’t get a good night’s sleep soon. She Who Must Be Obeyed is now almost four months old and her latest thing is to sleep in shifts with her sister — SWMBO sleeps all day, big sis sleeps all night.
Jadzia@Toddlerisms recently posted..Fashion Friday: I MADE It Myself!
Love that you called her “She that must be obeyed.” It really did make me laugh out loud.
“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”
http://www.themommypsychologist.com
Funny stuff!!!
I could easily change that “Mompiphany” to “Lifepiphany” cause I swear in life….I have no friggin clue what I’m doing half the time.
I apparently fake it well.
Carrie recently posted..A Butt-cut and a Watusi. And I don’t even know what a watusi is.
Brilliant!!!
What about momory: the skill of knowing where everything is and everyone’s schedule.
Sarah May recently posted..Oh My God!!! I’m a grandmother!!!
LOL. Love that one.
These are right on! I have “special mommy powers” that enable me to know what’s just been spilled in the back seat, or whose hand is in the cookie jar even if I’m in the bathroom, or if you’re using your truthful voice/wearing your truthful face. I think it’s a combination of MSP and Momsonic Hearing…keeps the kids (and the hubs) on their toes!
What do you call it when you have the ability to ignore the chaos that is reigning around you, or to ignore your child going, “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy…” I have that.
Kate in Ohio recently posted..Car Conversation
I’ve got that one too – mom’s invisible ear plugs.
Mercy recently posted..Missing My Babies Babyhood
Momlective hearing. :)
Oh yes. This is awesome! I definitely have the Mom Sensory Perception one and always know when the school is calling . Which is a lot! I have 4 kids and for two weeks straight I got a call every single day. I considered not even leaving the school at one point . Finally my kids got well and then my son decided to play pencil wars and narrowly missed losing an eyeball during circle time. *sigh* It never ends…:)
Holly at 300 Pounds Down recently posted..Fitness Friday
I feel for you, we had more than 10 sicks days in February. I am the master of cramming make up homework in on Saturday afternoon after sports. It does involve bribes I am ashamed to say.
Pam
Pam recently posted..Busiest Moms in the World Spring Clean Challenge Starts March 5
Yes, yes yes! The Mom Flex and Mom Sleeves are the two I connect to the most. However, the mom sleeves is more for poopy diapers than runny noses.
Cassie recently posted..Indpendence
UM YES YES YES. Also, I missed my mommy flex early today at work and that was a mistake.
Marta recently posted..Without Words
I love these.
Seriously Sassy Mama recently posted..I Bought, I Cooked, And How You May Have Found My Blog
this is hilarious!
so it turns out I’m not the only one who is momlussional! oh when will i ever get that sleep! maybe tonight is the night!
Mama Nalyn recently posted..Valentines: Before and Affer Having a Baby
Just last week I was at the theater and, upon seeing the line, opted out of using the ladies’ room during intermission for a preemptive pee. I muttered aloud, “it’ll be fine provided I don’t sneeze, cough or laugh too hard” just loudly enough for the three women nearby to laugh and nod in agreement…
Thank you!!
Momflex – that is so me right now!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..My ‘Chair’
Im so that hopeful sleeper.
The person that recommended 8hrs of sleep was a man.
Cause if it was a woman she wouldn’t have been so greedy.
Oh my Mom-ness, I love it!
You left out one word, though.
Mompossible: everything is possible with Mamma’s lovin’ x
Excellent. Have to share! xxx
Jess WhoaMamma recently posted..The Miraculous Hand
I think we could also add MOMNESIA: the act of forgetting where you put your keys, your sunglasses, your purse, your shoes while simultaneously knowing the details of each child’s schedule down to the minute.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted..There’s a first for everything…
Yes!! How the hell is that??!!
I once pulled the TherMoMeter thing on a nurse in the hospital. He argued, I insisted. He retrieved a SECOND digital thermometer, I disagreed with that one as well.
Just to prove me wrong he found an old fashioned thermometer and took my thankfully too-sleepy-to-care toddler’s temp…er….the “old-fashioned” way and I was correct within two-tenths of a degree.
momvision-the ability to see any tongue sticking out, eyeball pokes, hair pulling and pinches from the back of your head.
Absolutely! Or, to know exactly who started it.
These are all too real. Love it.
Mercy recently posted..Missing My Babies Babyhood
Oh my goodness- I have been sick with a bad cough for the past two weeks and have been “Momflexing” the while freaking time!
Ahh the joys of motherhood. Really I think it has made me much smarter. I think my back to work resume will say,”Provided comprehensive services to non-english speaking clients with immediate life-safety needs, While teaching them English.”
kisha recently posted..Pantry Purge Tip #3: Conquer the Clean-out
Mom sleeves is my favorite….all of my sleeves are completely stretched out at this point! Sigh.
Practical Parenting recently posted..Practical Moms Feature: These Little Waves
I loved this! My kids swear I have super sonic hearing or as they say ‘ mom has whisper 2000′, of course they think that is hilarious…
Rachel recently posted..Home Page
Excellent post. I have the temperature thing down to a science.
Julie McGuire recently posted..RIP Common Sense: A Mother’s Free Piece of Advice to the Campaign of 2012
I’ve given up being momlusional. Last night at around 3 am I awoke to a little voice saying “Can you please be quiet, I’m trying to sleep”. Somehow my daughter had crept into my bed without my knowledge and then proceeded to wake me from the best sleep I’ve had all week. Evidently my snoring was bothering her.
TheCheekyKea recently posted..My First Order Complete!
As someone who has been having an allergy attack all week, the Momflex speaks to me. Glad to see I’m not the only one with the mantra “squeeze before you sneeze.”
Mom Flex…you know your life has hit a new low when even your 4.5 & 6.5 year old know why Mom crossed her legs while standing at the stove stirring supper pot.
Mompiphany…a daily accurence for the Fortuitous Housewife.
Lollie @FortuitousHousewife recently posted..Can You Keep Secret?
Oh I am a master of the mom flex manoeuvre! After 2 kids, I pee myself when I run the tap to wash dishes :(
Mommaperception– 5hat freaky moment in the grocery store that you realize you can I.d. Any baby within w months of age and why they are crying. And it never goes away.
Mom-a-sauraus Rex. She emerges after that last straw…..
Heather recently posted..Behold the Crib
This is BRILLIANT! I especially love “Momsonic Hearing”—besides knowing exactly what kid is coming down the hall, I can also guess what they want by how slow/fast they are walking. To add to that, I’ve always said how amazing my hearing has gotten since having kids—I can be watching a movie with the volume up rather hight, and I can still hear one of my kids calling me through their closed bedroom door. It’s like a 6th sense—I also wish I could turn it off sometimes. My kids know that I hear them no matter what, so they are REALLY lazy and just wait for me to come to them! Is there a word for that?
a Book for My Daughter recently posted..A Mother’s Rant Against the TV
Mom-s-peed- aka momspeed: The ability to pee, wipe and wash before someone knocks on the bathroom door.
Pam recently posted..Busiest Moms in the World Spring Clean Challenge Starts March 5
I totally had to momflex when I read this. Hysterical. This was brilliant.
Kiran (Masala Chica) recently posted..To My Daughter When You Are a Teenager – Letter 2
I love it. I can relate to all of these!
Michelle Saunderson recently posted..Had a Good Weekend!
I so have MSP! I call the kids bluff all the time on brushing their teeth so that they go and brush them. Mentioning how their teeth with rot if they dont wash them, also helps. :)
MSP recently posted..Just Wash the Dishes!
How about mommytasking? It is like multitasking taken to a whole new level
These are great! And all so very true!! :)
Nicki (@NickiLynnM) recently posted..Where Does Time Go?
Hahaha….these are absolutely awesome!