Remember Sex Before Children?


Do you remember sex before children?

I remember having sex on my couch at three in the afternoon, and that would be after the good morning sex I had earlier that day.

Ahhh, those were the days.

Nowadays my husband can forget about sex multiple times a day; hell, if I’m talking honestly, he can forget about it happening multiple times a week. If he gets lucky, we’re on a once a week schedule, and that’s being very lucky. Very.

I have four children under the age of seven. I am freaking exhausted. It’s all I can do to stay on top of the laundry and the dishes, then at night I’m expected to stay on top of Eric too? Not going to happen.

At least it’s not going to happen with the old frequency.

Before children, sex would take hours; now if we go past 20 minutes, I’m impressed. Honestly, we know each other so well we can bang it out rather quickly. Speed sex; why stretch it out? I have to be up at six with the baby. Also, I always have an ear out for a child to coming running into our room and ruin everything anyway. There have been a few times that Eric has literally thrown me off of him after spying a shadow, but at least none of the kids will be in therapy after witnessing that. How passionate can I possibly be if I’m constantly worried that I’m going to be interrupted? If by chance we do remember to lock the door, I still have to be quiet since the baby’s in our room now.

I just can’t win. And neither can he.

Let’s not even talk about sex with the lights on. This poor body has been wrecked by four c-sections and four hungry children who have each claimed my breasts as their own, leaving my once perky C cups into saggy D cups. My belly has that oh-so-sexy hang of flab that just hangs over my scar and I’m riddled with faded stretch marks. I know, it’s the picture of hotness…

I miss the old sex. I miss the sexy undies and lacey not-quite-covering-anything nighties. I miss the nights I would throw on the itty bitty cheerleader costume. (Oh, yes, I rocked the shit out of that costume!) I miss coming home from work knowing that night all my tension would be gone…

I wonder how other mothers do it all. It’s not that I don’t have the desire anymore, it’s that the desire to sleep wins out.

So, I’d like to know: Is everyone else as exhausted as me? Are they putting on a happy face and going through the motions, or is it possible to really get your sex life back after children?

Because that’s all I really want.


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  1. 1

    Yuliya says

    You have four kids and you still manage to have sex with your husband? You are an inspiration.
    (oh and breastfeeding kills libido, it’s awesome blah blah blah, but a libido killer)

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  2. 2

    Julie says

    Read romance novels. Seriously. It’s the ticket. At least for me it is! I gotta really get myself in the mood before he tries to get me in the mood.

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      • 5

        Erin says

        Lady Libido will come back when she gets some more rest – it will take time.

        My youngest is 2.5 and we are back in a groove –

        it’ll never be the free-wheelin, first phase fallin kind of sex but…it’s something better now…

        Great post – awesome writing!! I dig!! Yo

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  3. 6

    Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. says

    i have no desire and no energy for it! GAHH! i blame it on breastfeeding! i also know that when you have been tugged at and needed the whole day but your kids, all you want at night is some space to yourself. good luck and thanks for the guest post.

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  4. 7

    The Baby Mama says

    My hubby often grabs me at 02:00 in the morning and I love it. It works for us. I’ve had a couple of hours sleep, we get it on, I sleep again and the day continues. Don’t think that’d work for everyone though and the nights that are bad with Baby Girl aren’t good nights to be woken up at 02:00 for a bit of nooky.

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  5. 9

    sera says

    I had a good giggle along with this. its so true isn’t it? the good sex we all used to have Vs the sex we get in every now and again, still good.. but not so romantical.

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  6. 10

    Julie says

    I know this is gonna sound awful, but I got rid of the husband. My new partner of one year and I are still at it like rabbits. In fact we had sex on the couch this afternoon!!! Ok kids where at day care so gave us some time but still. I hae nearly four years old twins. Never used to have sex with the hubby, but a boy friend well some how its diffrent!!!!

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  7. 11

    melissa says

    Omg!!! I love it so perfect. I have 3 kids and I right there with you. Don’t know when it will happen but I hope it does eventually. I always have the intention but by the time I actually have time I just want to pass out for 2 hours before the first baby wakes up. Poor hubby!

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  8. 12

    Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 says

    After knee surgery in August, Husband just got lucky for the first time since JULY!!! It just isn’t right!

    Funny you mention all of this…I was just thinking about how we’ve never “christened” our living room couch. The one in the basement? Sure, but that was in my old apartment, near the beach, where I lived alone…blissfully alone!

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  9. 13

    Karen says

    I only have one kid but I’m the sole bread winner so I’m still exhausted and sadly, I can totally relate. Our 5 year old, who shares our one bedroom apartment, always seems to know when mom and dad are attempting 20 min of private time! Pre-baby sex would be an awesome gift!

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  10. 14

    Summer says

    It will come back once the kids are a bit older, I don’t know any mother with an infant who has the desire, but they all grow up and the sex and intimacy comes back. I think were all on the same page.

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  11. 15

    Mel says

    I am mom of 4 under the age of 8 now.. an relate, but I am also probably younger than you are so I think that helps me. MY libido still there. I want sleep for sure, but I do my best to give my husband some us time. He makes comments I am not like myself before kids and it hits home, but neither is he with his job and time away from home. I think since he works out of the home from anywhere to a week to 8 weeks with out any sex .. we def try to do our thing as much as possible.

    He just got back home Monday. and I am already wore out and have a UTI from the lack of not having that much and his comments was he wore me out and that he had to give me break. The old me would not need the break.

    Ouch.. right…. but true!!!

    My kids were not c-sections so I can imagine that.. But I have the 9lb + baby curse and stretch marks.. however my husband insists sometimes that he lights stay on to see me. He calls them my battle scars.

    I have 40lbs to lose next year and I hope that helps bring some of it back. Yes I do have the D’s that once were C’s but he still devours them as he always did.. Its better now that the breastfeeding is done with.

    Great post.. Can relate in so many levels. For Christmas my husband and I want a weekend away. Thats all.

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  12. 16

    Lindsay says

    All I have to say is “ME TOO!” It’s like you could read my mind! (The only difference is I’ve had 2 kids, hence only 2 c-sections, but I definitely have the exact same body issues.)

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  13. 17

    Vanessa says

    Amen and hallelujah to that! I have a 2 year old and she is a handful so when I get her settled
    in for the night, I want to crash myself. It’s not for a lack of desire, I am just plain exhausted! I totally agree…..pre-baby sex would be an awesome gift!

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  14. 21

    Raquel says

    Okay I got this is in the bag. Divorce this guy, get a new one. Then the kids will go with daddy on the weekends and hopefully a time or two during the week then you will have lots of free time to get it on. Bad side…You lose your hubby. Just kidding of course.

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  15. 22

    amber says

    Thank you for making me feel less bad about myself. ;-) Totally in the same boat, and I only have one! But after working all day, then coming home to do housework all night…well, something’s got to give.

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