10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess

37 Comments

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1. The magical look that instantly snaps misbehaving children into shape.

2. The ability to say “no” to volunteer opportunities, hosting of events or inconvenient carpooling.

3.  A fake gasp, to feign “OMG, what a masterpiece” excitement when presented with Lord knows what from art class.

4. The slyness to transfer said masterpiece to the recycling bin without ever getting caught.

5. The foresight to know which toys will result in disappointment and tears and which will magically occupy a child for hours on end.

6. The restraint to resist passing over the iPhone as a means of entertainment.

7. The ability to sleep with open eyes, to be used at school plays and talent shows when the other people’s kids are on stage.

8. The stern tone which tells children that you mean business, and you mean business now.

9. The knowledge that glitter will haunt you forever and balloons inevitably end in tears, no matter what.

10. The appreciation that whatever annoying, infuriating or frustrating phase any child is currently in is fleeting. And will be replaced by an equally annoying, infuriating or frustrating phase.

Comments

  1. 3

    Candy says

    I think that for the “magical look” entails instilling a sense of fear in your kids, first.

    I’m very busy working on that right now….

  2. 4

    MomChalant says

    I second the annoying phase followed by another equally annoying phase. You just described my child with that sentence.

  3. 7

    Stephanie says

    I can say ‘No’. I’m pretty good at it. It’s taken time, though, to learn. I just hope I’m not TOO good at it now.

  4. 8

    Sharon says

    I know about balloons and glitter. Both of the them are forbidden from crossing my threshold. And my kids don’t even ask anymore.

  5. 10

    Odd Dad says

    I film (almost) every art project and load it on YouTube and then I throw it in the recycling bin. Then I can tell the kids they can still look at it anytime they want online, but we don’t have room in the house for all those pieces of homework and such. Of course it takes a long time for me to get off my ass and film said masterpieces, so I end up with boxes of artwork in the basement collecting dust.

  6. 11

    Coco says

    It’s been said that glitter is the herpes of art supplies…

    And balloons? I simply hate them and agree that no good ever comes from having balloons around.

  7. 12

    Ariana says

    Feeling pretty successful today. I think I can check off 2, 3, 7, 8, and 10. And my stern voice, I call it devil mom voice. I only bring it out when absolutely necessary, but it WILL get the attention of everyone within ear shot.

    • 13

      Cassy says

      My stern voice sounds a lot like my father which is scary cause I’m a woman. :) It sure does work though.

  8. 14

    Amanda says

    I’ve totally got that mom voice & look down! It doesn’t always work though… Haha!!

    And my mom can still scare the hell out of me with her mom voice. I just got chills down my back thinking about her voice!

  9. 15

    Debbie says

    Nice!!! i have to say I was blessed with number 1 and 8. I could use a tone that still scares the crap out of my kids. As for the look i have that too!! And they do pay attention.

    Infact my neighbor has a 16 year old and a few weeks ago he bought his son a used car. His son did not know that he had gotten it for him. Dad parked it in front of our house. Gave me the keys and when his son same home he sent him over, telling him I need to talk to him. Matthew rings the door bell. I answer the door. make a little small talk with him first. Then I give Matthew this look and say as I am handing him the keys, “Would you get your damn car out of the front of my house. Nobody needs to park in the front of my house.”

    Matthew stands there with this scare look on his face, than it finally dawns on him what I just said. Mean while mom and day are videoing this.

    Dave (dad) tells everybody he knew I could pull this off, from the tone I can get and the looks I can give.

    i did have to talk to Matthew to let him know, yes when he had too he could park in front of our house.
    number 1 8 can really come in handy with kids, if you don’t have the look or tone go get it, even if you have to stand in front of the mirror and practice.
    Thanks for the smile.

  10. 16

    Anita @ Losing Austin says

    I’ve had a stray piece of glitter on my ear for a week (it always seems to be gone and then returns…) – and I never did a glitter project that I recall!

    I’ve mastered a few of those- like slipping projects into the garbage without anyone knowing. But I completely give in to the iPhone handover!

  11. 18

    hillary says

    hahaha, I totally have the look and the tone and it is awesome!!! I once made my son cry just from looking at him ( no judgement, he was doing something bad), and he is autistic, which really says something ( he usually doesn’t notice stuff like facial expressions). I am very guilty of #6 though. it just can’t be helped lol

  12. 19

    Karen says

    I have “the look” down, but it only works for other people’s children… My kids just laugh now – which makes it that much worse.

  13. 20

    TheShitastrophy says

    I need a voice that changes with the times. My kids have decided to call my bluff on many an occasion.

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