I have met a lot of amazing women in my life. Some have become lifelong true friends; some I have only shared a moment with—like yesterday while trying on high heels. Another woman was trying on the same pair as I was, looking at herself in the mirror. Instead of waiting for her to move so I could see how my shoes looked, I went and stood next to her.
We began talking about all the reasons we love to wear heels, how they make us feel, how fun they are, how they make our legs look longer. We didn’t discuss any of the reasons why we shouldn’t: long Northeast winters, comfort, practicality. In fact, we had so much fun together we both ended up buying more than one pair.
When we parted, I thought, damn, I didn’t even get her number. She was a soul sister. The comfortable energy that was exchanged between the two of us was that of a true soul sister.
A true soul sister thinks nothing of it if you send her pictures of you from a dressing room wearing a new bra with a text saying,”Hey, you should check out these bras! They make your boobs look great. You would love them!”
A true soul sister doesn’t care if you show up at her house to watch The Bachelor, braless.
A true soul sister knows she can call you, verbally throw up on you, and you will clean it up by telling her what she needs to hear because she has done the same for you so many times.
A true soul sister does not need constant reassurance of your friendship. She doesn’t need to talk once a week, once a month, or once every six months.
A true soul sister knows she can blow up your phone even if you can’t get back to her right away. She knows as soon as you can, you will.
A true soul sister knows exactly what you are thinking when something rattles you. She knows how to give you a look that says, “Yes, I know. I feel it too. What the fuck?”
A true soul sister knows she can say things to you that she doesn’t mean about her kids, her husband, her job, or her mother. She knows that you know what she really means—she just needs to say it in a different way. You are that safe place for her and she is for you.
A true soul sister doesn’t need to explain herself if she is late, forgot something, or cries during your lunch date again.
A true soul sister will listen to you without always having a response. She doesn’t always have an answer; she doesn’t always have advice. You are both comfortable with the silence that can exist between the two of you.
A true soul sister knows by the tone of your voice, the way you are standing, how you move, if something is wrong. She knows how pissed you can get, and she knows how to absorb it. You have saved each other (more than once) from punching somebody in the throat.
A true soul sister knows what you need when you need it, even if she can’t be there to help. Somehow just knowing that she knows is enough.
A true soul sister tells you to eat the chocolate, buy the lingerie, run the race, do the things. She also knows she can tell when you should calm the fuck down.
When you are around a true soul sister, your chemistry changes. It doesn’t matter if she is your younger sister, a friend you met in art class when you were 12, or a woman you tried on shoes with for an hour. She is someone who accepts you—all of you.
Every woman deserves a soul sister. I am a better person because of the strong women in my life. These are true friends. When we are lucky enough to have one (or more than one), we quickly learn how to appreciate their gifts, to let them enhance who we are, to show up, to love them, to be real with them. It is important to let them know what they mean to us.
Sometimes we do it by offering to kick someone in the balls for them. Sometimes we bring them a latte on a tough morning. Sometimes we just let them cry and don’t care if they get snot and tears in our hair.
A true soul sister is my favorite kind of therapy—especially when one of us remembers to bring the wine.