The Six Stages of Pregnancy

The Six Stages of Pregnancy

Stage 1: You just found out you’re pregnant. You’re excited (or horrified) and you can’t believe you’re going to be a mother. You may be scared to give birth and wonder how you’re going to do it. Everywhere you look you see pregnant women. You’re tired. Like really tired. Every pain and twinge you wonder if it’s because you’re pregnant. You wonder if people can tell that you’re pregnant – sort of like when you wonder if people can tell if you’re drunk (hopefully, you aren’t wondering this at the same time).

Stage 2: You look fat but not pregnant. You can see people kind of looking at you wondering but it seems weird to blurt out “I’m pregnant!” You may or may not have told people by now. The people you’ve told ask you how you’re feeling all the time. You may have bought a couple of maternity things that you think you can wear after the baby comes. You may be tired, sick, have sore boobs and have to pee constantly. It’s a delicious luck of the draw.

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Stage 3: You’re really cute and could be an ad for a maternity store. Everyone can see that you’re pregnant and congratulate you and tell you how wonderful you look. You feel great. Nothing hurts and you don’t feel sick anymore. This stage usually lasts for about 27 minutes.

Stage 4: You’re starting to find it hard to breathe and things are starting to swell. You’re sick of people asking you if you know what you’re having, when you’re due and if you’ve decided on a name. You’re tired of wearing the same maternity clothes but you don’t want to buy new stuff because you’re almost done. Shaving your legs, putting shoes and tending to your lady bits is becoming difficult.

Stage 5: You feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit. You want to crash through walls and shout “oh yeah!” like the KoolAid man. People keep saying “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you’re going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You’re no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it.

Stage 6: The baby is here. You want to burn your maternity clothes on the front lawn. You’re no longer pregnant and you’re looking forward to getting your body back, a full night’s sleep and eating a nice, hot meal. Wait. What?

About the writer

Amy Morrison is the Canadian asshat behind Pregnant Chicken. She started the website when she found out that she could have safely consumed caffeinated coffee during both her pregnancies and she was livid. She decided that the truth needed to be told about the myths surrounding pregnancy and the crap that goes along with it.


Jeanne 1 month ago

Stage 2 minus being sick. 18 weeks with my first. Still in lala land where maternity clothes are awesome (hello comfortable) and a true, rock solid bump would be welcomed over this pudge thang. Thanks for the heads up on stages 4-5. Sounds…pleasant. 😉

Lisa 3 months ago

I’m in stage 2. It’s REALLY weird telling people I’m pregnant (it’s not something that naturally comes up in conversation), so either I just wear my “baby on board” badge (handed out to pregnant women travelling on public transport in London) and wait for everyone to be super nice to me (ha!) or else hope that my friends and office are gossipy enough that word gets around.

Emily 8 months ago

I’m laughing so hard I’m crying and trying to not pee.

ANDREA 1 year ago

I’m in stage 4 as we speak. I’ve started lying to people because perfect strangers want to know everything………..the due date, sex, and now……….and I’m like just say congrats and move on. I’m over the comments you must be due any day, or that is going to be a big baby. I want to just say shut up and mind your business but then people would be offended

Kawanda 1 year ago

Those stages were interesting. I’m 10 weeks with twins. This is new to me.

Twenty-Five and Pregnant 2 years ago

I'm only at the beginning of the 2nd trimester and I already hate people asking me whether I know what the sex is, really don't understand the obsession knowing.

Jenni Chiu 2 years ago

Haha! I’m sorry, what’s a “hot meal” and “full night’s sleep”?

Liz 2 years ago

Lol this is so funny! I seen try having twins…well try having triplets. You skip stage 1, 2 and 3 in about 45 seconds and land right into hard to breath land! I’m at 21 weeks and if I don’t sit a certain way I start turning blue. I have also learned eventually maternity clothes won’t even fit!! Oh the joys of life :)

HD 2 years ago

I laughed hard at this! My kids came early so I made it to the cankley beginnings of Stage 4 to Stage 6 though I stayed in a near constant state of Kool-Aid Man wall busting for about a year after the girls came. Thanks for the post!

ligtenup 2 years ago

Haha… I can’t wait for my wife to bust through the wall and scream “OH YEAH!”

Meg 2 years ago

Thanks for the reassurance about having a third baby. I am prego now with my third unexpectedly and totally scayred.

shauna brown 2 years ago

i just fine out i am pregnant i was so happy

Reanna Cline 2 years ago

LMAO & ROTF!!!!! Thank you so much for this humor! Every word is dead on.

Zara Chaves II 2 years ago

same here. haha

Erica Castro 2 years ago

18 weeks with my fifth daughter and I'm in stage 2

Sarah Philip 2 years ago

Hey Whitney, where you shop

Angiem77 2 years ago

I am most definitely at stage 5(36 weeks preggo). I can’t see my lady parts below, unable to tie my shoes or paint my toe nails, and if I am on my feet for too long-I start to swell from ankles down to the tips of my toes. Lol! I am counting down the days to meet my Lil man and I know that it’s all gonna be well worth it.

Melissa Gonzalez 2 years ago

LOL stage 3 is hilarious

Christy Reading 2 years ago

I am at week five and I worry cause it feels like I have something wet coming out then I go check and its nothing .

Amber Masson 2 years ago

stage 2 here.

L.A. Say 2 years ago

This is so true!

Shanita Rapatalo 2 years ago

Right there with you, lol!

Sena Lee 2 years ago

Im at stage four and I have worn the same pants 3 in a row. No shame. Lol

Susan Lewis Reger 2 years ago

this too shall pass…..

Rachel Light 2 years ago

I'm at stage five. Instead of the koolaid man, might I suggest a hearty "hey hey hey"- Fat Albert style.

Whitney Griffin 2 years ago

So true! I loved maternity and baby shopping during pregnancy.I got some really pretty dresses and nursing tops from morph maternity through online shopping.I wore the dresses even after I gave birth, since they were very useful for nursing.

Nadia (laboraide) 2 years ago

great article I have had many women ask me about these stages. I will send them to your article. ha! good job!

Mama and the City 2 years ago

Oh God, reading these stages made me ‘feel’ pregnant. (I am not and won’t be soon either).

One thing I miss though is the confidence I gained. I felt like the best thing on this planet, inside and out. Weird. Don’t ask how it is now.

Stephanie ( 2 years ago

I’ve been through each stage (twice), yet I’m still wanting to crash through walls like the Kool-Aid man. Can we add an additional stage about raging hormones that just won’t quit?!!!!

Tessa 2 years ago

This really made me laugh, I’m only 14 weeks and I feel like I’ve gone thru stages 1-4 already :)

Kelly 2 years ago

Spot on! For first pregnancies. All I wanted the second time around was a nap, but damn I have one that needs me to actually take care of him….

Debbie 2 years ago

Great list!! The one stage that I hated was when I had to start wearing the maternity clothes, just because everything else was so uncomfortable. It really didn’t look like I was pragnant yet, but nothing fit.

As for the sleep. Yea, this isn’t going to happen for about 20 years. So grab those naps anytime you can get them.
Thanks for the smiles.

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 2 years ago

Thank you for this, my husband (yes husband) has baby fever and I need to remind him of how lovely a lunatic I was during those 9 months…

Amanda Martin 2 years ago

Thank you for the reminder! I watched someone rocking a screaming baby in a car seat today and realised I had entirely wiped those months from my memory! The brain is amazing. Or maybe it’s the sleep deprivation…

Tammy 2 years ago

So so true, and your post made me laugh. I guess as women we have to try and enjoy adapt at every stage of our pregnancy.

Brenda Dion 2 years ago

I love when people ask dumb questions like “you haven’t had that baby yet?” Funny. Reminded me of some others like when you see someone at a mall or at a restaurant they’ll sometimes say “what are you doing here?”

momofeveryone 2 years ago

i think stage #3 is a myth!!! i dont remember that one lol! maybe i was napping too!

Ariana 2 years ago

What is this Stage 3 you speak of?

Amanda P 2 years ago

first baby. in stage 2. actually blurting it out because it’s easier than explaining why I seem hungover every day even though I haven’t had a drink in 3 months.

Amanda 2 years ago

Hilarious and oh, so true!! Try having twins though. (Not really a dare!) the swelling is horrendous and walking around for more than 2 minutes is a nightmare!

grownandflown 2 years ago

Stage – that full night sleep thing. Say goodbye to that until your youngest kid goes off to college, best case. Great list – thanks for the memory prompt!

Sandy 2 years ago

Plus sized moms have a slightly different experience. We have all the symptoms, but non of the acknowledgement, and no one ever says we look cute. People are so afraid of getting it wrong that until the very end they hesitate to acknowledge that we’re about to pop.

    Kat 2 years ago

    You’re right, we plus sized moms definitely skip the cute stage. Then again, I found that the discomfort of the end of the pregnancy wasn’t so bad (except the swelling); probably because I’m used to carrying extra weight.

      Amber 2 years ago

      So true. I definitely have to agree with that.

        Andrea 1 year ago

        The only bonus of gestational diabetes was I lost 30 pounds the last trimester. The skinny girls were complaining about gaining weight and people touching them. I laughed since I was losing weight and strangers don’t touch fat people.

          Shura 1 year ago

          Same here!

          Angela 1 year ago

          ” strangers don’t touch fat people ” spot on! I love it!!!

    Angela 1 year ago

    So true. I’m so jealous of all those cute, basketball – like bellies. It seems like I have 2 bellies that never quite pull it together to cute and babyish. I just look like I gained a crap ton of weight….not pregnant :(

      Eliza 1 year ago

      I have had the perfect pregnancy up until now i hit stage five, and yes they do touch fat people >:P I figured maybe that would be my only reprieve but alas hands patting did not allude me!

Amber 2 years ago

Ha, loved the Koolaid man reference. Very true. I always marvel at the women who can stay tiny while pregnant. I always ballooned right up.

Angella 2 years ago

Love the Stage 6: “Wait. What?” How long does this stage last?! Seriously! How long?!!

Marlyce 2 years ago

Exactly true (except I must have missed stage 3, perhaps I was napping?) and exactly how long is stage 6 supposed to last? I had 3 babies in less than 4 years. My oldest is 5 and youngest is now 18 months and I’m still waiting for a full night sleep and (or?) a hot meal!

Theresa 2 years ago

This was exactly how I thought and felt when I was pregnant with my twins. Especially the stage 5 one. I had a 37 week doctor’s apt and the first thing he said to me was, “You’re still pregnant?” I felt like telling him, “Nah, I just like to come out and visit my OB/GYN in +35 degree weather, waiting in the office for almost 2 hours because some other lucky mother went into labour before me and you had to tend to her!”

Myn 2 years ago

Haha, so true, until you’re pregnant with your third kid…then all of this changes and stage 3 doesn’t exist.

    Ashley @ Forgetful Momma 2 years ago

    I agree with you Myn! Where are my 27 minutes of feeling great???


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