Yes, I Swear At My Kids

412 Comments

I swear at my kids.

Yes, I said it and I meant it. Each and every day, I swear at them.

I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Our kids can be assholes. Tell me your child hasn’t ever deserved to be cursed at and I’ll call you a liar.

I’ll even go so far as to say that I believe that swearing at my children makes me a better parent.

I’m not talking curse words like “dammit” and “hell.” Oh, no. I pull out the big guns. Those four letter ones of which I am such a big fan.

Now, I would never actually shout obscenities directly at my offspring. Obviously.

But, when Lily is screaming that I ruined her life by taking away the hot pink hair dye which came with her new Moxie Doll that was staining the entire first floor of my house, I may just have seen the ords “shut the fuck up” float over her head in my imaginary commentary of the scene. And it may just have kept me from really losing it with her.

When Even is thrashing on the floor because I didn’t let him have a third bag of Goldfish before lunch, singing a little ditty that goes “Shut the fuck up, you pain in my ass. Shut the fuck up, my dear.” in my head, somehow, makes the moment more bearable.

And, Ben’s incessant whining can be blocked out by my asking “are you ever going to shut your little fucking mouth, you annoying child?” in my head. Logically, I know the answer is “not likely,” but just asking always makes me feel better.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Just fucking shoot me now.”

“Fuck off, sweetheart.”

Does saying these things mean that I love my children any less than a non-swearing mother? No. Does it make me a bad parent or role model? No, I don’t think so.

Because, by thinking these awful things, I keep myself from actually saying anything terrible to them. Which, I argue, would be far worse.

It’s a coping mechanism, of sorts. A tool to survive motherhood.

So, next time your child is screaming at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t want that shower or need to brush his teeth or that no, he will not stop taunting his sibling despite a hundred and three warnings, flip him off in your head.

I know he deserved it.

Comments

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  1. 1

    Jen says

    Now, I am sure that some people are not going to be a fan of this post but I think that I totally holds great truths.

    I curse out my kids in my head and under my breath all the time. Like you said, its a way to cope and defuse the tension.

    And I would much rather do that than totally lose it and do something that would be really wrong.

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    • 2

      Renee Martin says

      Really??? Have none of you ever heard of Barbara Coloraso? She is the original guru on how to raise healthy children, and doesn’t include the mother acting like a swearing lunatic.

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      • 3

        Buffi says

        Did you read the actual post? The whole point is that she doesn’t “swear like a lunatic” AT her kids. The point is that she, I, and all but the most self-righteous mothers, evidently, say those things *in our heads* so that we don’t end up losing it with our kids.

        As a family therapist and child development specialist, I’m certain one of the keys to raising healthy, well-adjusted kids is making sure that you are not a twitchy, mumbling mess because you won’t allow yourself a way to vent.

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        • 4

          joileana says

          So KNOWING that it’s NOT RIGHT or okay to CUSS your KIDS out, even in your head makes you self righteous and twitchy? So the cuss em out MENTALITY is right and makes for GOOD parenting? Wow. Wonder how it would go if the kids use the cuss the parents out in your head and then do it with your mouth mentality. HMM.. think it’ll cast them in the light of being a GOOD KID? Interesting concept.

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          • 5

            buffi says

            Refusing to acknowledge that you do it makes you self-righteous. Not allowing yourself a chance to vent at all makes you twitchy. And yes, if your child is able to learn to have the self control to vent in his/her head rather than out loud all over Mom & Dad, if say that it’s a parenting success. Everyone gets angry, learning how to express it appropriately is sign of maturity. Unless you choose to suppress those feelings and they come out at inappropriate and inopportune times.

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      • 6

        Lisa says

        First of all, you need to lighten up. Second of all, this website is a place for all mothers to share their stories and vent about the ugly side of motherhood. (And yes, there is an ugly side to motherhood. Anyone who’s a mother knows that. It’s not 18+ years of pure “June Cleaver” and “Donna Reed” perfected bliss) This site does not claim to teach how to raise ‘perfectly healthy children’. If you’re looking for that, you’re in the wrong place. This is a place for mothers to come together and share their stories, feelings, adventures, fears, victories, losses, and anything else that affects us as mothers. And it offers a place to share our experiences WITHOUT JUDGMENT! If your sole purpose here is to judge other mothers on their thoughts, (these mothers are cursing at their kids in their heads, not out loud) then this clearly is not the site for you and you should move on.

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      • 11

        Christine says

        Please define healthy children. Getting children to the 18 years of age mark does not a guru make. If that woman says she raised her children without ever being frustrated, angry or thinking horrific things, I will show you a highly medicated parent. AND raising children in 1975 was a lot different than raising kids now.

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      • 12

        kandice leeman says

        Well Fuck kids need to be sworn at they are little shits most of the time…in fact all the time …..they are FUCKERS i tell ya and husbands are the biggest FUCKERS around!!!! We need more brutally honest people like myself…the problem with this world is everyone is too politically correct FUCK EM ALL i say…if i had my way never would of had the fuckers in the first place

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  2. 19

    Kim | Not So Perfect Mom says

    So.freaking.true. If I said even a fraction of the things I say in my head, out loud, I’d be in debt to the swear jar until I’m 90. Luckily, I keep 98% of it in my head. And, luckily, we don’t actually have a swear jar. :D

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  3. 20

    Emma says

    Thank you for this post! I do this! Even have little ditty’s going on in my head to save me from losing it especially with the teenagers! Its a way of venting it without venting it if you know what I mean? So glad I’m not alone!

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  4. 24

    Arnebya says

    @jadedlou, that’s just what I was thinking! Hell, I cuss everybody out in my mind; why should the kids be spared? And in a true Scary Mommy Confessional way (except outside of the confessional so I’m being really brave here) I might even sneak in bitch or add on a punishment. For instance, in my head I may say, as my oldest is complaining about not being able to watch whichever Twilight is currently playing ad nauseum on HBO: “this bitch here”. Or, if the middle girl is whining that the oldest girl won’t let her use her colored pencils and the unfairness of it and you always take her side and I just want to draw a pretty picture for you and nobody listens to me, “if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to knee you in the throat”. Yes, it’s mean. And violent. And you’ll judge me. And perhaps want to call CPS on me b/c of my “thoughts.” But, it helps. Do you know how many arguments/meetings/discussions I’ve made it through by simply telling the person to kiss my entire ass…in my mind?

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  5. 26

    Kelli says

    People who disagree just need to get real. How can you not drop the f-bomb when you’re raising children? I’m with you Scary Mommy… let the mental bombs drop! It’s the only way to get through some days without having casualties and coping with a dreaded aftermath. Well that, and wine. I flip my whole family off daily. Husband included. Yo!

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    • 27

      Megan says

      How am I not being “real” if I disagree?? Of course, many many times throughout the day, I go “uggghh!!! are you kidding me!?” in my head but never an F bomb. Never. Never in regards to my husband or daughter. Car accident, yes. Family, no. I think that crosses line of decency and basic respect for your loved one. I don’t watch movies with F words, either. I believe “garbage in, garbage out” and in stressful moments, what’s truly in your heart and soul comes out. Apparently for many people here, it’s the F word. Sad. Work on positivity inside and that’s what’ll be “floating above their heads” next time they drive you crazy.

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      • 28

        Kathryn says

        Megan, I suppose judgment must be what goes in your soul since it is what is coming out of it. The difference between you and Kelli is Kelli would probably agree she can be judgmental but I bet you think you are not :)

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      • 31

        Arnebya says

        I guess what I’m not getting is the absolute of negativity you seem to put on these words. Again, they don’t have to be said in anger but in frustration (and can even be uttered in complete exhiliration and happiness). Although there are vazillion words in the English language, at times, nothing says what you you’re feeling better than fu…oops, don’t wanna offend. Seriously, stop the “basic decency” judgment bullshit. That is your opinion and I respect it. While I disagree, I don’t believe that my THINKING something is “sad” as you put it, no more than I think it’s “sad” that you’re missing out on countless Oscar-winning movies that happen to use a bad word.

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        • 32

          brammgirl says

          Megan cannot help it. She does not mean to be judgmental, only to display what a good wife and mother she is. She is trying to live her idea of the ideal life. I would guess that she is fairly young and only has one child and her things are still pretty easy in her marriage, nothing mind blowing has happened yet. She wants people to recognize what a good person she is. That used to be me for the first thirty years of my life. Then the shit hit the fan and I saw that no matter how perfect I tried to be, how considerate, kind, loving, honest, obedient, whatever, life was not going to pull any punches. I still got kicked in the teeth and seven years later there has barely been a break in between. The shit is still being unloaded onto my lap. People still think that I am Miss Perfect, even one of my daughters told me that, but they don’t know the internal dialogue that I have going on. No one would believe me if I told them. Lmao!

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        • 33

          Brianna says

          Arnebya, I love you comments! They are fantastic and just as I am about to reply to someone telling them “how I feel”… Nevermind. Arnebya already said it… Haha

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  6. 34

    sweet_archangel says

    Good to see that I’m not alone on this too. Hell, I even do this with hubby sometimes. But it is a good way to mostly de-fuse and like Kim, I’d be in debt for eternity.

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  7. 35

    lceel says

    And WIVES. It works REALLY well on wives – given that I, for one, would never DARE to utter aloud that which wanders through my head, from time to time. But, sometimes, it’s those wanderers that keep me sane. It’s my ability to keep my mouth shut that keeps me married.

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  8. 39

    Mychal B. says

    I’m so happy to see that I’m not the only one who does that. Thank you so much for sharing this!! Sometimes when I’m cursing my kids out (in my mind) I think I’ve got to be the worst mother ever since surely no one else does this. It’s such a relief to know that other moms do it too.

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    • 40

      Leslie says

      I feel the same exact way! I kept feeling like “there’s no possible way that I’m a good mother when I’m thinking, or mentally saying, cruel and rude comments about my child or the hubs”..The guilt and frustration of thinking these things can be incredibly overwhelming…but it turns out I am just like all the other awesome mothers on this website. “F’in’ A” ;-)

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  9. 41

    Evonne says

    It’s a definite coping mechanism that I use quite often. Like this morning to my son- “I don’t know how to put your fucking race track together! Quit being a pain in my ass by asking over and over!”

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  10. 44

    Kelly says

    It can be a daily thought, especially when hitting the teen years.

    My friend got caught flipping the bird at her kid. The teen asked for something and when the answer was “no”, she rolled her eyes, flipped her hair and made a comment under her breath. She turned to walk down the hall and my friend just flipped her the bird with a look of “I am so sick of your attitude!”

    Then her daughter said: “Mom! I can totally SEE your reflection in the screen door!!”

    HAha. priceless.

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  11. 47

    Heather says

    Yesterday, my 2.5 year-old couldn’t find her bear and said, “Son of a bitch.” I was going to nominate myself for Mother of the Year, but I’m glad to see I’m not the only one!

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    • 48

      Arnebya says

      Ha! That’s the about the age mine said their first swear too. I tend to cuss in the car, hence “stupid ass man” coming out of the middle girl. I usually do just do it in my head, though (or so I thought). About a week ago I asked my 10 yr old to find a scarf for her hair before going to bed. She couldn’t find it (although there are about 4!). I went to the room to help her but stopped as I saw her face, angrily rifling through her drawer, when she said “fucking ridiculous, I know I just had one.” I walked away. Sure, I could have used it as a teaching moment, but…um, evidently I’d already taught her something, no?

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      • 49

        Meg says

        Heather – I have had to have “the talk” with my son’s teacher because he accidentally drops something and says, “Damn it” or God forbid “Mother F—er” God help me! I try to be good, but it just doesn’t work out that way.

        But it sounds so cute coming out of a tiny person!

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      • 59

        Rusti says

        also – one evening after grocery shopping we arrived home cranky (hunger does that to us) and hubs asked for my keys – where his were, I don’t know – I asked and he said “quit your bitching and just give them to me” so I replied with “you’re a bitch” and promptly from our 2.5yo sitting in the back seat I heard “Papa bich, Momma? Papa bich?” (which she of course repeated about 7 or 8 times before moving on to something else) I could do nothing but try to muffle my laughter… *sigh* still makes me chuckle :)

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  12. 63

    The Sweetest says

    I do this too, only mine is not completely silent, it’s more little a muttering. It’s aloud, but not very loud. It works best if I say it repeatedly, really fast, like “shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutupshutupshutup.”
    Or something like that.

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    • 64

      Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life says

      I am more of the “not-so-silent” type as well.

      “shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutupshutupshutup.”

      Yeah, at a whisper—sounds about right.

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  13. 65

    Tara R. says

    I am so glad you said this. The word bubbles over my head are toxic. I have been known to call my son, out loud, a ‘little shit.’ Just so you know, the little guy is 18yo and six-foot tall… he can take it.

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    • 66

      Carol says

      I’ve been known to call my 13 year old DS “dumbass” or idiot. He grins back like he knows I speak the truth. We both know it’s a comment on his behavior, not his actual intellect because he’s a straight-A student, but at times, a dumbass, like most 13 year olds.

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  14. 67

    Crystal says

    Really? You really tell your kids to fuck off, even in your head? Our children can read our emotions and I guarentee that they can pick up on your hostility. You might want to look into getting some help with those anger issues.

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    • 69

      amy says

      Whatever you’re taking I want some…
      I don’t use this very effective coping mechanism on my children nearly as much as I do with my wonderful sometimes annoying husband and rude drivers…crystal, you should try it -really you should!!! :-)

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    • 72

      Arnebya says

      I will have you know, Crystal, that I smile when I say fuck off or shut the fuck up. In fact, I’m smiling at you right now as I think the latter. Not one bit of hostility in my face or body language. Cursing doesn’t equate to anger all the time (fuck/hell yeah!)

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    • 74

      Tracy says

      Crystal Honey, whatever you’re on I’ll take some, cos if you can be calm enough not to swear in your head the rest of us should clearly give up now cos you’ve got this motherhood thing licked! For the rest of us, including me, I have been known to find these words spilling from my head to my mouth and out into the room under extreme provocation. When this happens what my 6, 8 and 9 yr old know is a) they have pushed me too far and the best action is to shut the fuck up like they were asked to and b) they can trust my other emotional reactions to be honest as well, when I say “I love you” I mean it and when I say “I’m really fucking angry, just leave me alone for 5 mins” I also mean it!

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      • 75

        Megan says

        I agree, Crystal. I am so disappointed in Go-Go Squeez for posting the link to this on FB or else I never would have seen it. I’m so shocked to read these comments and see that people actually think it’s cute when little ones curse!??? Sad, sad world we’re living in. Of course I get angry at situations with my toddler and husband, but I’m grateful to have them so I constantly constantly ask God to interviene in my natural responses and instead help me respond with kindness, gentleness, self control, I think that the swearing just causes things to escalate. Kids do pick up on attitudes. Try cold turkey not swearing for a month and see if things are better in your home. Ask God for his help to see even frustrating situations as blessings and that many people out there would gladly trade places with you at anytime.

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        • 76

          Arnebya says

          Megan, while I respect your opinion, I’m not so sure I get the correlation between thinking something and being ungrateful. Why can’t the thought be my natural response — in relation to my children, my husband, my coworker, the person who cut me off on the highway, etc.? (Or am I supposed to feel differently to non-family members b/c I didn’t birth them)? I am familiar with people who are less fortunate in baby making, husband having, job keeping, sense talking. That does not make me any less close to MY God than it makes my children pick up on my thinking a bad word. Just b/c I think something does not mean it comes through on my face or demeanor.

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        • 81

          Tracy says

          Oh, Jesus Christ lady. Get a grip. Everyone has their own methods of releasing tension: be it a glass of wine, a curse under their breath or a good f*ck. It doesn’t make anybody a lesser parent. You *might* want to ask “God” why you’re so judgmental. Maybe he can intervene.

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          • 82

            Scary Mommy says

            I truly think I’d be a drug addict or lush if I didn’t do things like this. I think my children will someday agree that this is a far better solution.

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        • 84

          mommy23girls says

          Megan, when your child is hitting the terrible two’s or three’s and the precious gift turns into a little hellion, we here will not jugde you for getting upset and maybe? saying a bad word in your head, like PITA!

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        • 85

          Observation says

          You’re a douchebag, Megan….why don’t you just move along and let those of us who live in the real world have a little fun. GAWD, what a sanctimonious asshole you are! And speaking of God–he told me to say that!

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        • 86

          Jacquie says

          Megan and Crystal…I am thinking out loud here…Go find another site to preach your self-righteous BS if this site is too offensive for you. Everyone vents in their own way…Leave them to it. Nobody is asking you to agree with it or condone it we would just like to have a place to write our vents on paper without being judged..

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    • 88

      Observation says

      Look who’s talking, Crystal–take a good look in your dirty little mirror. Only an ass with “anger issues” feels a compelling need to get all holier-than-thou on a plainly (to anyone with a brain) sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek blog about real life and real feelings. What, no friends, Crystal? You spend your life running around the internet posting your little Debbie Downer shitbombs to make yourself feel special? Get some help, honey–I can guarantee you that the few “friends” you have “in real life” think you’re a completely sanctimonious assbag! That’s why they AVOID you at every opportunity! Jerk!

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  15. 93

    Nicole says

    Yikes, I am one of those bad parents that actually say those things out loud!! Things like “For fuck’s sake would you two stop fighting!” Or “I’m gonna beat the shit out of you two, if you don’t stop fighting!” are just two examples of the plethora of fine language I teach my children. Shame on me! Actually, shame on them for being such fuckers!! LOL

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    • 94

      Jessie says

      LOL My favorite is “I’m going to beat your fucking ass if you don’t stop NOW!” Of course, there is no actual “beating” but it gets the point across! LOL

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    • 95

      Nix says

      Nicole- I do it too. My 4 year old has a terribly colorful vocabulary. BUT sometimes the ‘wittle wee sweetums” words will NOT do. I live the book go the F@^% to sleep on a daily basis. :-)

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      • 96

        Nicole says

        I knew I wasn’t alone ladies, LOL I was feeling outnumbered by all of this self control! I feel like the “four letter household” I run gives my kids a sense of humor and they learn quickly that “mommy isn’t REALLY going to throw me in the dumpster” lol

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        • 97

          Cin says

          I will say this, that if I cuss at my kids they know I mean business. If I’m cussing and YELLING they know that they have to get the hell back in line or else there’s going to be hell to pay somewhere.

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      • 99

        Jen says

        Whew! Same here! I thought I was the only one who did it out loud. I feel like the worst mother in the world and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I have 4 kids. 10 months to 12 years old. My oldest seems to be the worst at listening! But I just wanna thank you ladies for showing me that I’m not alone and maybe I’m not such a bad mom. Thanks guys! Xoxo

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