Yes, I Swear At My Kids


I swear at my kids.

Yes, I said it and I meant it. Each and every day, I swear at them.

I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Our kids can be assholes. Tell me your child hasn’t ever deserved to be cursed at and I’ll call you a liar.

I’ll even go so far as to say that I believe that swearing at my children makes me a better parent.

I’m not talking curse words like “dammit” and “hell.” Oh, no. I pull out the big guns. Those four letter ones of which I am such a big fan.

Now, I would never actually shout obscenities directly at my offspring. Obviously.

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But, when Lily is screaming that I ruined her life by taking away the hot pink hair dye which came with her new Moxie Doll that was staining the entire first floor of my house, I may just have seen the ords “shut the fuck up” float over her head in my imaginary commentary of the scene. And it may just have kept me from really losing it with her.

When Even is thrashing on the floor because I didn’t let him have a third bag of Goldfish before lunch, singing a little ditty that goes “Shut the fuck up, you pain in my ass. Shut the fuck up, my dear.” in my head, somehow, makes the moment more bearable.

And, Ben’s incessant whining can be blocked out by my asking “are you ever going to shut your little fucking mouth, you annoying child?” in my head. Logically, I know the answer is “not likely,” but just asking always makes me feel better.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Just fucking shoot me now.”

“Fuck off, sweetheart.”

Does saying these things mean that I love my children any less than a non-swearing mother? No. Does it make me a bad parent or role model? No, I don’t think so.

Because, by thinking these awful things, I keep myself from actually saying anything terrible to them. Which, I argue, would be far worse.

It’s a coping mechanism, of sorts. A tool to survive motherhood.

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So, next time your child is screaming at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t want that shower or need to brush his teeth or that no, he will not stop taunting his sibling despite a hundred and three warnings, flip him off in your head.

I know he deserved it.


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. Jen says

    Now, I am sure that some people are not going to be a fan of this post but I think that I totally holds great truths.

    I curse out my kids in my head and under my breath all the time. Like you said, its a way to cope and defuse the tension.

    And I would much rather do that than totally lose it and do something that would be really wrong.

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    • Renee Martin says

      Really??? Have none of you ever heard of Barbara Coloraso? She is the original guru on how to raise healthy children, and doesn’t include the mother acting like a swearing lunatic.

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      • Buffi says

        Did you read the actual post? The whole point is that she doesn’t “swear like a lunatic” AT her kids. The point is that she, I, and all but the most self-righteous mothers, evidently, say those things *in our heads* so that we don’t end up losing it with our kids.

        As a family therapist and child development specialist, I’m certain one of the keys to raising healthy, well-adjusted kids is making sure that you are not a twitchy, mumbling mess because you won’t allow yourself a way to vent.

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        • joileana says

          So KNOWING that it’s NOT RIGHT or okay to CUSS your KIDS out, even in your head makes you self righteous and twitchy? So the cuss em out MENTALITY is right and makes for GOOD parenting? Wow. Wonder how it would go if the kids use the cuss the parents out in your head and then do it with your mouth mentality. HMM.. think it’ll cast them in the light of being a GOOD KID? Interesting concept.

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          • buffi says

            Refusing to acknowledge that you do it makes you self-righteous. Not allowing yourself a chance to vent at all makes you twitchy. And yes, if your child is able to learn to have the self control to vent in his/her head rather than out loud all over Mom & Dad, if say that it’s a parenting success. Everyone gets angry, learning how to express it appropriately is sign of maturity. Unless you choose to suppress those feelings and they come out at inappropriate and inopportune times.

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      • Lisa says

        First of all, you need to lighten up. Second of all, this website is a place for all mothers to share their stories and vent about the ugly side of motherhood. (And yes, there is an ugly side to motherhood. Anyone who’s a mother knows that. It’s not 18+ years of pure “June Cleaver” and “Donna Reed” perfected bliss) This site does not claim to teach how to raise ‘perfectly healthy children’. If you’re looking for that, you’re in the wrong place. This is a place for mothers to come together and share their stories, feelings, adventures, fears, victories, losses, and anything else that affects us as mothers. And it offers a place to share our experiences WITHOUT JUDGMENT! If your sole purpose here is to judge other mothers on their thoughts, (these mothers are cursing at their kids in their heads, not out loud) then this clearly is not the site for you and you should move on.

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      • Christine says

        Please define healthy children. Getting children to the 18 years of age mark does not a guru make. If that woman says she raised her children without ever being frustrated, angry or thinking horrific things, I will show you a highly medicated parent. AND raising children in 1975 was a lot different than raising kids now.

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  2. Kim | Not So Perfect Mom says

    So.freaking.true. If I said even a fraction of the things I say in my head, out loud, I’d be in debt to the swear jar until I’m 90. Luckily, I keep 98% of it in my head. And, luckily, we don’t actually have a swear jar. :D

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  3. Emma says

    Thank you for this post! I do this! Even have little ditty’s going on in my head to save me from losing it especially with the teenagers! Its a way of venting it without venting it if you know what I mean? So glad I’m not alone!

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  4. Arnebya says

    @jadedlou, that’s just what I was thinking! Hell, I cuss everybody out in my mind; why should the kids be spared? And in a true Scary Mommy Confessional way (except outside of the confessional so I’m being really brave here) I might even sneak in bitch or add on a punishment. For instance, in my head I may say, as my oldest is complaining about not being able to watch whichever Twilight is currently playing ad nauseum on HBO: “this bitch here”. Or, if the middle girl is whining that the oldest girl won’t let her use her colored pencils and the unfairness of it and you always take her side and I just want to draw a pretty picture for you and nobody listens to me, “if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to knee you in the throat”. Yes, it’s mean. And violent. And you’ll judge me. And perhaps want to call CPS on me b/c of my “thoughts.” But, it helps. Do you know how many arguments/meetings/discussions I’ve made it through by simply telling the person to kiss my entire ass…in my mind?

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  5. Kelli says

    People who disagree just need to get real. How can you not drop the f-bomb when you’re raising children? I’m with you Scary Mommy… let the mental bombs drop! It’s the only way to get through some days without having casualties and coping with a dreaded aftermath. Well that, and wine. I flip my whole family off daily. Husband included. Yo!

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  6. sweet_archangel says

    Good to see that I’m not alone on this too. Hell, I even do this with hubby sometimes. But it is a good way to mostly de-fuse and like Kim, I’d be in debt for eternity.

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  7. lceel says

    And WIVES. It works REALLY well on wives – given that I, for one, would never DARE to utter aloud that which wanders through my head, from time to time. But, sometimes, it’s those wanderers that keep me sane. It’s my ability to keep my mouth shut that keeps me married.

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  8. Mychal B. says

    I’m so happy to see that I’m not the only one who does that. Thank you so much for sharing this!! Sometimes when I’m cursing my kids out (in my mind) I think I’ve got to be the worst mother ever since surely no one else does this. It’s such a relief to know that other moms do it too.

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    • Leslie says

      I feel the same exact way! I kept feeling like “there’s no possible way that I’m a good mother when I’m thinking, or mentally saying, cruel and rude comments about my child or the hubs”..The guilt and frustration of thinking these things can be incredibly overwhelming…but it turns out I am just like all the other awesome mothers on this website. “F’in’ A” ;-)

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