Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
I swear at my kids.
Yes, I said it and I meant it. Each and every day, I swear at them.
I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Our kids can be assholes. Tell me your child hasn’t ever deserved to be cursed at and I’ll call you a liar.
I’ll even go so far as to say that I believe that swearing at my children makes me a better parent.
I’m not talking curse words like “dammit” and “hell.” Oh, no. I pull out the big guns. Those four letter ones of which I am such a big fan.
Now, I would never actually shout obscenities directly at my offspring. Obviously.
But, when Lily is screaming that I ruined her life by taking away the hot pink hair dye which came with her new Moxie Doll that was staining the entire first floor of my house, I may just have seen the words “shut the fuck up” float over her head in my imaginary commentary of the scene. And it may just have kept me from really losing it with her.
When Even is thrashing on the floor because I didn’t let him have a third bag of Goldfish before lunch, singing a little ditty that goes “Shut the fuck up, you pain in my ass. Shut the fuck up, my dear.” in my head, somehow, makes the moment more bearable.
And, Ben’s incessant whining can be blocked out by my asking “are you ever going to shut your little fucking mouth, you annoying child?” in my head. Logically, I know the answer is “not likely,” but just asking always makes me feel better.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Just fucking shoot me now.”
“Fuck off, sweetheart.”
Does saying these things mean that I love my children any less than a non-swearing mother? No. Does it make me a bad parent or role model? No, I don’t think so.
Because, by thinking these awful things, I keep myself from actually saying anything terrible to them. Which, I argue, would be far worse.
It’s a coping mechanism, of sorts. A tool to survive motherhood.
So, next time your child is screaming at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t want that shower or need to brush his teeth or that no, he will not stop taunting his sibling despite a hundred and three warnings, flip him off in your head.
I know he deserved it.
{ 402 comments… read them below or add one }
Now, I am sure that some people are not going to be a fan of this post but I think that I totally holds great truths.
I curse out my kids in my head and under my breath all the time. Like you said, its a way to cope and defuse the tension.
And I would much rather do that than totally lose it and do something that would be really wrong.
Really??? Have none of you ever heard of Barbara Coloraso? She is the original guru on how to raise healthy children, and doesn’t include the mother acting like a swearing lunatic.
Did you read the actual post? The whole point is that she doesn’t “swear like a lunatic” AT her kids. The point is that she, I, and all but the most self-righteous mothers, evidently, say those things *in our heads* so that we don’t end up losing it with our kids.
As a family therapist and child development specialist, I’m certain one of the keys to raising healthy, well-adjusted kids is making sure that you are not a twitchy, mumbling mess because you won’t allow yourself a way to vent.
Buffi recently posted..Fun with tags…
So KNOWING that it’s NOT RIGHT or okay to CUSS your KIDS out, even in your head makes you self righteous and twitchy? So the cuss em out MENTALITY is right and makes for GOOD parenting? Wow. Wonder how it would go if the kids use the cuss the parents out in your head and then do it with your mouth mentality. HMM.. think it’ll cast them in the light of being a GOOD KID? Interesting concept.
Refusing to acknowledge that you do it makes you self-righteous. Not allowing yourself a chance to vent at all makes you twitchy. And yes, if your child is able to learn to have the self control to vent in his/her head rather than out loud all over Mom & Dad, if say that it’s a parenting success. Everyone gets angry, learning how to express it appropriately is sign of maturity. Unless you choose to suppress those feelings and they come out at inappropriate and inopportune times.
buffi recently posted..Like 50 Shades of Gray, but without the sex, or all the people reading it….
First of all, you need to lighten up. Second of all, this website is a place for all mothers to share their stories and vent about the ugly side of motherhood. (And yes, there is an ugly side to motherhood. Anyone who’s a mother knows that. It’s not 18+ years of pure “June Cleaver” and “Donna Reed” perfected bliss) This site does not claim to teach how to raise ‘perfectly healthy children’. If you’re looking for that, you’re in the wrong place. This is a place for mothers to come together and share their stories, feelings, adventures, fears, victories, losses, and anything else that affects us as mothers. And it offers a place to share our experiences WITHOUT JUDGMENT! If your sole purpose here is to judge other mothers on their thoughts, (these mothers are cursing at their kids in their heads, not out loud) then this clearly is not the site for you and you should move on.
Well said, Lisa!
Well why I cant say I aprove 100%, it is a better soulution than hitting. I would rather scream SHUT THE FUCK UP than smack them hard in the face. Two thumbs up.
Concur!
Im sorry renee shut _____Up !!!!!! your on the wrong website…have a good day
Please define healthy children. Getting children to the 18 years of age mark does not a guru make. If that woman says she raised her children without ever being frustrated, angry or thinking horrific things, I will show you a highly medicated parent. AND raising children in 1975 was a lot different than raising kids now.
It works on Hubby’s too!
LOL!! Especially when kids are in the room! :)
Oh yeah! If my husband had any idea what I say to him in my head when he is talking to me, he would leave me.
Yes, totally. Works the same magical way with spouses.
hahaha!
This was going to be my response. You beat me to it!
So.freaking.true. If I said even a fraction of the things I say in my head, out loud, I’d be in debt to the swear jar until I’m 90. Luckily, I keep 98% of it in my head. And, luckily, we don’t actually have a swear jar. :D
Thank you for this post! I do this! Even have little ditty’s going on in my head to save me from losing it especially with the teenagers! Its a way of venting it without venting it if you know what I mean? So glad I’m not alone!
I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. :)
LOL!
love that comment!!!!!! love it
@jadedlou, that’s just what I was thinking! Hell, I cuss everybody out in my mind; why should the kids be spared? And in a true Scary Mommy Confessional way (except outside of the confessional so I’m being really brave here) I might even sneak in bitch or add on a punishment. For instance, in my head I may say, as my oldest is complaining about not being able to watch whichever Twilight is currently playing ad nauseum on HBO: “this bitch here”. Or, if the middle girl is whining that the oldest girl won’t let her use her colored pencils and the unfairness of it and you always take her side and I just want to draw a pretty picture for you and nobody listens to me, “if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to knee you in the throat”. Yes, it’s mean. And violent. And you’ll judge me. And perhaps want to call CPS on me b/c of my “thoughts.” But, it helps. Do you know how many arguments/meetings/discussions I’ve made it through by simply telling the person to kiss my entire ass…in my mind?
LMAO! “this bitch here”
People who disagree just need to get real. How can you not drop the f-bomb when you’re raising children? I’m with you Scary Mommy… let the mental bombs drop! It’s the only way to get through some days without having casualties and coping with a dreaded aftermath. Well that, and wine. I flip my whole family off daily. Husband included. Yo!
How am I not being “real” if I disagree?? Of course, many many times throughout the day, I go “uggghh!!! are you kidding me!?” in my head but never an F bomb. Never. Never in regards to my husband or daughter. Car accident, yes. Family, no. I think that crosses line of decency and basic respect for your loved one. I don’t watch movies with F words, either. I believe “garbage in, garbage out” and in stressful moments, what’s truly in your heart and soul comes out. Apparently for many people here, it’s the F word. Sad. Work on positivity inside and that’s what’ll be “floating above their heads” next time they drive you crazy.
Megan, I suppose judgment must be what goes in your soul since it is what is coming out of it. The difference between you and Kelli is Kelli would probably agree she can be judgmental but I bet you think you are not :)
Megan, Do you have teenagers? They will bring the bad out of you, like it or not. That is, if you are human.
so so true and well we are human and we can make mistakes or have bad days
I guess what I’m not getting is the absolute of negativity you seem to put on these words. Again, they don’t have to be said in anger but in frustration (and can even be uttered in complete exhiliration and happiness). Although there are vazillion words in the English language, at times, nothing says what you you’re feeling better than fu…oops, don’t wanna offend. Seriously, stop the “basic decency” judgment bullshit. That is your opinion and I respect it. While I disagree, I don’t believe that my THINKING something is “sad” as you put it, no more than I think it’s “sad” that you’re missing out on countless Oscar-winning movies that happen to use a bad word.
Megan cannot help it. She does not mean to be judgmental, only to display what a good wife and mother she is. She is trying to live her idea of the ideal life. I would guess that she is fairly young and only has one child and her things are still pretty easy in her marriage, nothing mind blowing has happened yet. She wants people to recognize what a good person she is. That used to be me for the first thirty years of my life. Then the shit hit the fan and I saw that no matter how perfect I tried to be, how considerate, kind, loving, honest, obedient, whatever, life was not going to pull any punches. I still got kicked in the teeth and seven years later there has barely been a break in between. The shit is still being unloaded onto my lap. People still think that I am Miss Perfect, even one of my daughters told me that, but they don’t know the internal dialogue that I have going on. No one would believe me if I told them. Lmao!
Arnebya, I love you comments! They are fantastic and just as I am about to reply to someone telling them “how I feel”… Nevermind. Arnebya already said it… Haha
Good to see that I’m not alone on this too. Hell, I even do this with hubby sometimes. But it is a good way to mostly de-fuse and like Kim, I’d be in debt for eternity.
And WIVES. It works REALLY well on wives – given that I, for one, would never DARE to utter aloud that which wanders through my head, from time to time. But, sometimes, it’s those wanderers that keep me sane. It’s my ability to keep my mouth shut that keeps me married.
Iceel– it’s called ScaryMommy, not ScaryDaddy. We deal with enough men already, can’t we have 1 website without them please?
I firmly believe in the curse-them-out-in-your-head-theory for home as well as work. I have already done this several times today at work!
Well that was rude.
I agree with L8r, NO MEN ALLOWED! This site is for women to vent and not for men to intrude. MEN KEEP OUT and go find your own fucking scary site!
I’m so happy to see that I’m not the only one who does that. Thank you so much for sharing this!! Sometimes when I’m cursing my kids out (in my mind) I think I’ve got to be the worst mother ever since surely no one else does this. It’s such a relief to know that other moms do it too.
I feel the same exact way! I kept feeling like “there’s no possible way that I’m a good mother when I’m thinking, or mentally saying, cruel and rude comments about my child or the hubs”..The guilt and frustration of thinking these things can be incredibly overwhelming…but it turns out I am just like all the other awesome mothers on this website. “F’in’ A” ;-)
It’s a definite coping mechanism that I use quite often. Like this morning to my son- “I don’t know how to put your fucking race track together! Quit being a pain in my ass by asking over and over!”
God, I’m glad I’m not the only one!!
LOL I think I have said this in my head like 20 times the day after his birthday!
It can be a daily thought, especially when hitting the teen years.
My friend got caught flipping the bird at her kid. The teen asked for something and when the answer was “no”, she rolled her eyes, flipped her hair and made a comment under her breath. She turned to walk down the hall and my friend just flipped her the bird with a look of “I am so sick of your attitude!”
Then her daughter said: “Mom! I can totally SEE your reflection in the screen door!!”
HAha. priceless.
When I was married, my husband caught me flipping him off. Oops! Haha!!
That is awesome! LOL. That would be my luck.
Yesterday, my 2.5 year-old couldn’t find her bear and said, “Son of a bitch.” I was going to nominate myself for Mother of the Year, but I’m glad to see I’m not the only one!
Ha! That’s the about the age mine said their first swear too. I tend to cuss in the car, hence “stupid ass man” coming out of the middle girl. I usually do just do it in my head, though (or so I thought). About a week ago I asked my 10 yr old to find a scarf for her hair before going to bed. She couldn’t find it (although there are about 4!). I went to the room to help her but stopped as I saw her face, angrily rifling through her drawer, when she said “fucking ridiculous, I know I just had one.” I walked away. Sure, I could have used it as a teaching moment, but…um, evidently I’d already taught her something, no?
Heather – I have had to have “the talk” with my son’s teacher because he accidentally drops something and says, “Damn it” or God forbid “Mother F—er” God help me! I try to be good, but it just doesn’t work out that way.
But it sounds so cute coming out of a tiny person!
that’s so true! my three year old couldn’t get her seat belt buckled and came out with a goddammit! this buckle sucks!
I just laughed and laughed
LMAO!! That scene is hilarious in my head! I feel so tremendously guilty if I hear my DS6 say a curse word because I know where he learned it from. (I try so hard not to slip up around him but sometimes I do) It makes me feel so much better to know other moms go through the same thing. I seriously felt like the worst mom ever because my kids occasionally let out a curse word. And I felt even worse when it struck me as funny! Thanks for showing me I’m not the only one! :-)
i got in trouble several years ago when my son told his teacher he didn’t have his homework because he had a blonde moment.
so funny!
Mine said “what the hell?!” the other day as he opened the refrigerator and couldn’t find what he wanted. I wanted to laugh but I didn’t… it was hard not to…
LOL!!
I literally LOLed.
He’s hilarious! Kids are strange creatures. I love them!
BWAHAHAHAHA!! love that! :)
also – one evening after grocery shopping we arrived home cranky (hunger does that to us) and hubs asked for my keys – where his were, I don’t know – I asked and he said “quit your bitching and just give them to me” so I replied with “you’re a bitch” and promptly from our 2.5yo sitting in the back seat I heard “Papa bich, Momma? Papa bich?” (which she of course repeated about 7 or 8 times before moving on to something else) I could do nothing but try to muffle my laughter… *sigh* still makes me chuckle :)
That was awesome.
LOL! Hilarious!
I’m sure our kids curse us out in their heads far more often than we do it to them!
I do this too, only mine is not completely silent, it’s more little a muttering. It’s aloud, but not very loud. It works best if I say it repeatedly, really fast, like “shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutupshutupshutup.”
Or something like that.
I am more of the “not-so-silent” type as well.
“shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutupshutupshutup.”
Yeah, at a whisper—sounds about right.
I am so glad you said this. The word bubbles over my head are toxic. I have been known to call my son, out loud, a ‘little shit.’ Just so you know, the little guy is 18yo and six-foot tall… he can take it.
I’ve been known to call my 13 year old DS “dumbass” or idiot. He grins back like he knows I speak the truth. We both know it’s a comment on his behavior, not his actual intellect because he’s a straight-A student, but at times, a dumbass, like most 13 year olds.
Really? You really tell your kids to fuck off, even in your head? Our children can read our emotions and I guarentee that they can pick up on your hostility. You might want to look into getting some help with those anger issues.
Good grief. Are you ever angry at your children or do you suppress it all so that it comes out some other way?
Whatever you’re taking I want some…
I don’t use this very effective coping mechanism on my children nearly as much as I do with my wonderful sometimes annoying husband and rude drivers…crystal, you should try it -really you should!!! :-)
Shut the fuck up.
*Like*
I will have you know, Crystal, that I smile when I say fuck off or shut the fuck up. In fact, I’m smiling at you right now as I think the latter. Not one bit of hostility in my face or body language. Cursing doesn’t equate to anger all the time (fuck/hell yeah!)
Cock?
Crystal Honey, whatever you’re on I’ll take some, cos if you can be calm enough not to swear in your head the rest of us should clearly give up now cos you’ve got this motherhood thing licked! For the rest of us, including me, I have been known to find these words spilling from my head to my mouth and out into the room under extreme provocation. When this happens what my 6, 8 and 9 yr old know is a) they have pushed me too far and the best action is to shut the fuck up like they were asked to and b) they can trust my other emotional reactions to be honest as well, when I say “I love you” I mean it and when I say “I’m really fucking angry, just leave me alone for 5 mins” I also mean it!
I agree, Crystal. I am so disappointed in Go-Go Squeez for posting the link to this on FB or else I never would have seen it. I’m so shocked to read these comments and see that people actually think it’s cute when little ones curse!??? Sad, sad world we’re living in. Of course I get angry at situations with my toddler and husband, but I’m grateful to have them so I constantly constantly ask God to interviene in my natural responses and instead help me respond with kindness, gentleness, self control, I think that the swearing just causes things to escalate. Kids do pick up on attitudes. Try cold turkey not swearing for a month and see if things are better in your home. Ask God for his help to see even frustrating situations as blessings and that many people out there would gladly trade places with you at anytime.
Megan, while I respect your opinion, I’m not so sure I get the correlation between thinking something and being ungrateful. Why can’t the thought be my natural response — in relation to my children, my husband, my coworker, the person who cut me off on the highway, etc.? (Or am I supposed to feel differently to non-family members b/c I didn’t birth them)? I am familiar with people who are less fortunate in baby making, husband having, job keeping, sense talking. That does not make me any less close to MY God than it makes my children pick up on my thinking a bad word. Just b/c I think something does not mean it comes through on my face or demeanor.
Arnebya — I’m with you completely on this one!
Excuse me while I go puke. Yes, I will get right to it. Is this like “praying away the gay?”
**love this**
Praying Away the Gay…BARF
Yes, what you said!
Oh, Jesus Christ lady. Get a grip. Everyone has their own methods of releasing tension: be it a glass of wine, a curse under their breath or a good f*ck. It doesn’t make anybody a lesser parent. You *might* want to ask “God” why you’re so judgmental. Maybe he can intervene.
I truly think I’d be a drug addict or lush if I didn’t do things like this. I think my children will someday agree that this is a far better solution.
A good rail might help you relax and loosen up. Try it you might like it ;)
Megan, when your child is hitting the terrible two’s or three’s and the precious gift turns into a little hellion, we here will not jugde you for getting upset and maybe? saying a bad word in your head, like PITA!
You’re a douchebag, Megan….why don’t you just move along and let those of us who live in the real world have a little fun. GAWD, what a sanctimonious asshole you are! And speaking of God–he told me to say that!
Megan and Crystal…I am thinking out loud here…Go find another site to preach your self-righteous BS if this site is too offensive for you. Everyone vents in their own way…Leave them to it. Nobody is asking you to agree with it or condone it we would just like to have a place to write our vents on paper without being judged..
Wow, Crystal…condescend much? You obviously have the most brilliant, well-rounded children in your town.
Look who’s talking, Crystal–take a good look in your dirty little mirror. Only an ass with “anger issues” feels a compelling need to get all holier-than-thou on a plainly (to anyone with a brain) sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek blog about real life and real feelings. What, no friends, Crystal? You spend your life running around the internet posting your little Debbie Downer shitbombs to make yourself feel special? Get some help, honey–I can guarantee you that the few “friends” you have “in real life” think you’re a completely sanctimonious assbag! That’s why they AVOID you at every opportunity! Jerk!
Lol @Observation! Well said! Braaaaavvo! :-)
I think you should put your swearing songs on iTunes. I bet they would make you a mint. :)
It really is quite catchy!
Me too! All freakin’ day long.
Yikes, I am one of those bad parents that actually say those things out loud!! Things like “For fuck’s sake would you two stop fighting!” Or “I’m gonna beat the shit out of you two, if you don’t stop fighting!” are just two examples of the plethora of fine language I teach my children. Shame on me! Actually, shame on them for being such fuckers!! LOL
LOL My favorite is “I’m going to beat your fucking ass if you don’t stop NOW!” Of course, there is no actual “beating” but it gets the point across! LOL
Nicole- I do it too. My 4 year old has a terribly colorful vocabulary. BUT sometimes the ‘wittle wee sweetums” words will NOT do. I live the book go the F@^% to sleep on a daily basis. :-)
I knew I wasn’t alone ladies, LOL I was feeling outnumbered by all of this self control! I feel like the “four letter household” I run gives my kids a sense of humor and they learn quickly that “mommy isn’t REALLY going to throw me in the dumpster” lol
I will say this, that if I cuss at my kids they know I mean business. If I’m cussing and YELLING they know that they have to get the hell back in line or else there’s going to be hell to pay somewhere.
I do it out loud too! Thank goodness it is not just me… I was beginning to worry! Usually it more generic then AT them but I have done both!
Oh hell to the yeah, it’s a great & harmless coping mechanism & our kids are none the wiser. Plus it keeps me sane & free from anger/resentment buildup that is toxic to any family relationship. I hope people will take the time to read through the entire post before judging it’s validity. You go!! Scary Mommy!
Than you for this, this summer I’ve had the mouth of a truck driver when dealing with my children. In fact, I gave them the finger the other day (behind their backs of course). Try it, it’s theraputic!!
And here I thought I was the only one out there secretly thinking “shut the fuck up!!” I agree with you post 100%!!! I love reading what you have to write!
Got mom of the year for my 4 year old saying “are you fuckin kidding me?”. Yup… Right out of my mouth I’m sure! We’ve had to start calling him a juicebox to each other just to keep from calling him a douche bag… And I have been known to flip him off…
Just be careful not to actually let it slip. I called my then 13 year old son a dumbf**k loudly. Normally I just think stupid things like that. He so far hasn’t let me forget it and has told every friend that he has, because he thinks it is so funny. It was a bad day, but now I’m twice as careful not to say these things aloud.
Amen, sister. I go down to the laundry room and mutter obscenities under my breath as I switch the laundry out. Some days I get lots of loads of laundry finished, I’m down there so much.
So help me out here-is the lock on the laundry room door reversed? Because my heathens (atleast 3 out of 4) LOVE to follow me as they are irritating the heck out of me. More bang for their buck, I guess. So there is no escapig them! A reverse lock is my only hope ;)
Crystal, take a reality check. Do you have kids? Yes? Then you’ve told them to shut the fuck up in your head at least once. If you’ve haven’t, you’re either a liar or you employ a full time Nanny that does it for you (and I promise if you do, she’s telling the kids and you to shut the fuck up.).
Plus, learning body language is a good thing for children. They need to learn what angry looks like. Because at home, angry is still safe. Mommy still loves you even though you are acting like a little bastard. Out in the real world, angry can get you fired, dumped, or worse. So let the little angels learn it at home before someone else teaches it to them.
As a full time nanny I totally <3 this post. Just sayin. :-D
Agreed
keep telling yourself all that…
Believe it or not, there ARE people that do not use swear words either out loud or in their heads. EVER. No, we’re not lying. No, I don’t have a nanny. Yes, I have a year and a half year old. It’ not that I don’t swear at my family, I don’t swear at anyone. And no, I’m not on anything. I’m a changed person through a relationship with God.
Just wait until your 1.5 year old turns 15…trust me, I have an 18 yr old son, and I NEVER used to swear at him, until the day he swore at me first…he was about 15…Now when we are pissed and angry at each other, we swear at each other, get it out of our systems and get on with our relationship. I have taught him that swears are a form of expression, and yes, many people think they are bad horrible words, but they are just WORDS, the more you use them, the less volatile they become. We become desensitized to them.So one day, when my son hears someone say “Fuck you!” to him, he can walk away without feeling offended , defensive or hurt, because he has been allowed to use the word to express his emotions, whether in anger or when writing/singing his or others’ music.
I figured God must have had something to do with it.
You have only had a child for a year and a half. Only one. You have only dipped your foot in the pond of “mommyhood.” I bet you didn’t yell a swear word during labor, either. And all of this thanks to God. Never mind, all of the truly horrible things going on in the world – death, starvation, disease, and war. No, God is focusing on YOU and making sure you don’t utter a curse word in your head.
Megan, Good for you! You go with your self-righteous self! The rest of us heathens will just hang out here, thinking about new curse words to say/think about our family and kids. But, when your child gets to be in the area of about 10 or so…call us, we’ll be the ones who will understand your cursing plight and take you under our wing. We know. We understand. We are moms, too.
For the time being, you might want to drop God a note letting him know that he has WAY more important things to worry about than your non-cussing self.
Megan, why don’t you take a fucking hike, then….clearly, you don’t belong here, amongst the great unwashed. So go back to your pathetic little perch and lord it all over some other assholes unfortunate enough to be in your presence. We don’t need your sanctimony, ya jerk. Oh, God told me to tell you THAT, too.
Believe it or not Megan I have a very close and personal relationship with and sometimes I tell him how fucking pissed off I am because there are things in life that just suck!! And he even answers my prayers when I tell him that things are fucked up and I need his help. I guess my God understands that I am not perfect and I am so fucking grateful that he doesn’t move further away from me because I cussing makes me feel better.
Wait…we’re not allowed to say that shit out loud?
That explains a LOT.
uh oh.
I must have missed that part in the book! My kids are fucked now. Damn it
I missed that part, too. I really need to work on using my filter better!
lol!
My favorite was when they were crying infants and I was strolling around the house all night I would sing little songs about the fact if they didnt shut the fuck up I was gonna throw them out or feed them to the cat. Babies dont understand words so why not? It takes the edge off.
that made me laugh out loud!!
HAHA!! I totally did the same thing, but in the sweetest little sing-songy voice, of course.
Same thing here. Using a happy voice often calmed them down. And venting through a cheerful-sounding song helped me feel better about the situation. That was how I got through colic.
Oh boy, as I started reading, my mind began creating the comment I wanted to post about how outraged I was! But then I saw that it’s in your head and I realized, “hey, I do the same thing!” Silently cuss at your kids all you want! :-)
Here here Christi! Definite “Ditto” from me. :)
Yes! Also, out loud at times too. Shit, if he can’t take it from the one that loves him most, how the hell will he ever make it out there in the real world?! :) We have always been a four letter household. My son knew the concept of where, and in front of who, that it was acceptable. I never wanted him to feel that he had to hide stuff from me.
Maggie, I agree.My husband and I used those words when fighting, when my son was little, and he used to come up to us and say later, “THOSE ARE NOT NICE WORDS”…One day in 7th grade, his teacher said she heard him say the F word in class, and I knew she misheard him, because he was crying to me on the phone that he never used that word because it was bad. I wasn’t there so I didn’t hear what he said, but did believe that he didn’t use it because he wasn’t getting defensive (which usually means he knows he did wrong), he was upset. He’s 18 now and knows when and where the words are allowed (In music, and in anger)..He’s not the type to go around saying “f’ this, F’ that..” like a lot of kids do, so I think exposing them to it is good:)!
Agree with all of you!! I have 6 kids…. 2 teen girls, one “tween” boy and 3 under 5 yrs old…. needless to say, I need to curse just to not go insane!!! lol
I do this in my head a lot more to my husband…..because he’s more frustrating than the kids at this point in the game. BUT, I have three girls, the drama will arrive and I’ll be flipping them the bird, I have no doubt. I think if I can have a sense of humor through the drama and the release of the occasional bird flipping behind the back, I’ll survive….better yet, THEY will survive the teen years.
4-letter words are a pervasive and constant part of our world. I do cuss at my kids, but rarely call them cuss words. Never, ever underestimate the power of a well-place f-word. It’s like magic. And I know my 14-yr old son cusses with his friends, but he knows not to say anything like that in front of me. It’s important for kids to know what type of language is acceptable in what company. I don’t say the f-word in front of my parents, and that’s the way it should be. My 10 and 5 yr olds know not to cuss in front of their parents. But if the parents are cussing at them, it’s fucking serious and they better straighten the fuck up. :O)
Love this post!!
Besides, swearing in front of your kids only teaches them how to use such words correctly, right?
One day while driving, my cranky 4yr old was in the backseat rubbing his eyes when he whined, “Mommy, I’m bitchy.”
My heart swelled with pride that day!
OMG that’s awesome lol
Thank God someone else swears at their kids….either in their heads or under their breath. I do it all the time. Especially as I’m walking away from them….I’ll just whisper to myself “shut the fuck up” and somehow it makes me feel better:)
There is an awesome book out there someone wrote called “Just go the Fuck to sleep”…..I can’t remember who it is…..but it’s hilarious! More for adults than the kids obviously:)
Samuel L Jackson narrates it. Makes it even more awesome.
OMG….is it a book on tape then??? I’ve GOT to get it if he’s narrating it!
Ha! Now I know I have the right website! I do this same thing all the time! I know it may be less than “perfect mommies” every where, but I am unapologetically imperfect. Love you!
I can’t express enough, how right you are!
I have 4 children ranging in ages from toddler to teens. I need to curse in my head to survive.
I fucking love you. I do.
Four letter words get me though the day. Yes, they do.
They have to push me really far, but I’ve been known to drop some curse bombs on the young ‘uns too. I have to say, though – mothers-in-law do not find it amusing when 3 & 4 yr olds run around saying “god dammit you clean this mess up right now!” Oops. That was a very bad day. But guess what? They cleaned up their mess. Right. Fucking. Now. And didn’t make another one. There were no beatings. Just cursings. ANd I didn’t call THEM a curse word, just cursed with purpose to get them to actually listen to me. For a nice change of pace. Cursing is a powerful tool to encourage obedience. Don’t abuse the power (or the kids).
Yup. True story you’ve told. And I’ve said “Are you fucking kidding me?” to them directly many of times. I mean really they are going to cry over something minor I have to make a point to them it’s ridiculous.
Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels like saying four-letter-words sometimes. A few f-bombs in my head, help me not to say them out loud and calm down. :)
There is a reason _Go the ____ to Sleep_ is on the bestseller list! I fuss at my hubs all the time for saying things out loud and it’s amazing what we come up with to curb cursing (“hecky shecky” and “oh, sugar” come to mind). As a southerner, I have to say that Miranda Lambert says it best, though: I don’t have to be hateful I can just say “bless your heart.”
Oh wow. I’m surprised to know how many other people do this too! Hahaha. I do this all day every day at the moment. Hubby works away and I’m very pregnant. I’m sure my kids purposefully fuck with me to see just how much it will take to break me. Haha. It slips out of my mouth occasionally but they know I mean business when it does.
This had saved my sanity millions of times!
I do curse directly at my kids. They’re adults now (18 and 20), they can handle it. And you know what? When I say something like “shut the fuck up” or “listen here, bitch”, my daughters LAUGH. They think it’s FUNNY.
And then we all end up laughing and it’s all good.
Ohhhh baby. Jill just imagine what kind of controversy you’re going to bring up from this one. It’ll be a twitter trending topic in no time.
Fuck is my favorite word, it works for me. I say it in my head, and often times when they are out of the room I mumble it out loud.
I have NO problem saying it in front of them when need be. Like when I was in the grocery store and clear dropped a glass jar of cheese sauce straight down onto my foot, OMG. I scream “FUCK” SO loud. The kids? Pointed. Laughed. It released the stress of the pain, and the kids made me laugh.
Oh and I can BET my DH swears at me in his head hourly…
Feisty
I called my four year-old an asshole this morning. Out loud.
I don’t think that’s okay; I lost my temper.
Most of the time though, I do exactly what you’re talking about. Tell them off in my head!
At the same time, I DO work to foster positive thinking, because feeling mean and angry towards my kids makes me feel like a bad person, which makes me act like less of the mom I really want to be.
Thank you for this post! It IS comforting to know that my inner cranky-bitch mom self is not alone.
I am totally with you on this; I curse my kids in my head all the time – and even the ocassional “Shut-Up” has been known to slip out! If I didn’t the frustration at them refusing to put on their shoes at the fiftieth time of asking, or the fact I gave them dinner on a red place instead of an orange one, may all get a bit too much…
As long as we have outlets that don’t hurt them, or us, it seems a sensible way to parent. What stays in the head can do no-one any harm. And can, as you say, possibly diffuse things for you.
Excellent thought-provoking post.
My 7 y/o child is my very own Jiminy Cricket! I curse, most frequently in the car at other drivers, but at other times, too. She’s even tried to give me substitutions for my colorful euphemisms (e.g., “Damn It” = Beaver’s house; “Hell” = Devil’s house; “Dumb ass” = Donkey’s butt; “f^ck” = she hasn’t found one for that yet, other than to scold me even more emphatically)!
And THIS is why I love you!!
I have said things like this in my head, but I’m not proud of it. I’m ashamed of it.
Thinking that means I’ve lost it. Unlike Jill, it isn’t a way for me to silently vent and stay in control–it’s fueling the fire and getting me more enraged.
Thank you Scary Mommy.
Yes Yes Yes. I say it in my head and under my breath and once just once out loud.
I dont have angry issues. I have an extrovert where as Im an introvert. She has ADHD and sleep issues. Shes also strong willed, strong minded and very set in her ways at 5.
Im not a perfect parent who spends every waking second, kissing my childs ass, entertaining her, making sure shes eating organic, sugar and color free food. I spend my days, teaching her to express her self, believe in herself. In making good choices on her own and if there are bad choices (which there will be) that she suffers the consequences, Because thats what happens in the real world.
And some days after 8 hours of her talking and screaming, and throwing fits, and telling me how she thinks its going to be. If I tell her to STFU in my head, well its better then other things that could happen and does happen to kids who dont even deserve it.
My favorite book at the moment is GO the FUCK to Sleep.. I love this book, it reminds me of my DD every bloody night.
*being rant to all the asshats who think there perfect*
So please get off your high horses and deal you self righteous, plastic surgeon loving, barbie rip off, Burb living, SUV not need but driving Step Ford wife. Not everyone, is perfect like you. THANK the Goddess, the world would be such a boring place if it was.
*end Rant*
My husband and I use dark humor with each other often when dealing with our 5 children. When we know they can hear we say these same things to each other ‘I really wish she’d shut the fuck up etc’. Or when they’re in the other room having a complete meltdown we’ve been known to throw jokes out there like ‘I could kill him. Help me hide the body’ sounds completely horrible but when you both know neither are remotely serious it really takes the tension of a screaming toddler out of the air!!!
I think this is a coping method and if it works and your kids never hear it then I say go for it!!!
Hey, they didn’t call me “Potty-mouth Kathy” for nothing. I earned the fucking title!
I found your blog bc someone on Twitter retweeted with “wrong in so many ways…” (Great marketing!) Obviously I was intrigued… What I found did not disappoint. Your blog is hilarious! And this post is honest and fantastic. I’m not a parent yet, but trying, so I’ve been wondering does my mind/vocab suddenly clean itself up during pregnancy? Is this part of the miracle of birth? This was a happy finding! Would you mind if I link this post in one of my next blog posts? Let me know!
Oh, yes, I was told that I was disgraceful all over twitter today. Score!
really? over this? by admitting you don’t swear out loud at your kids? Holier than thou parents get under my skin…
Anyone who says that they haven’t cussed at their children in their heads is lying. At least to themselves. Maybe you DON’T ever say fuck or any other “curse” word in even in your head but you DO have words you say instead and you do get angry with your children. Either that or you are very heavily medicated, which is a different post entirely.
I pray. I pray a LOT. I am a sinner saved by grace but somehow I have not eliminated those words from my inner-vocabulary. But as someone has said before, my kids know that it’s okay to feel angry and to express it appropriately. And if they cuss me in their minds (and I’m certain they do – TEENAGERS), then so be it. I’d rather that than them being ashamed of their feelings and shoving them aside. That’s very unhealthy.
And OH, you don’t even want to know what I say to my lying, cheating ex-husband in my head…..
Oh, thank you for posting that. I feel the same way. Megan from a few posts up needs to read that! I believe in the Lord as well but I still cuss like a sailor. I’m working on it. But until I can resist the temptation of a well-placed cuss word or five, I will still be an example of healthy trash-talking to those who deserve it.
I think that actually makes you a wonderful role model. Plus it’s fun to do and eases tension in your brain just a little bit when it’s the eighty hundredth time that day that you hear the whining.
My middle one was three when someone cut me off in traffic. I said “Learn how to drive!” and from that carseat in the back I heard “Mommy you forgotted to say assho”. That’s the one and only time I have heard any of my kids swear. They hear them on occasion, and they understand those are grownup words, and it’s disrespectful for kids to use them. And if they didn’t ever hear them from our lips I can guarantee they’ll hear them somewhere. I swear in my head all the time.
Everyone has their way to deal. Some swear in their heads, some are on a cocktail of happy pills, some drink heavily at nap time, some cry daily, and some don’t do anything because they’re oh so perfect and holy. Those are the ones who end up having mental breakdowns eventually. :)
the first time my daughter ever cursed she was just around 3 and was also in the car. i will admit to having some road rage living in a tourist trap and my big wake up was her screaming “learn how to drive your car you fucking moron” out the window.
now i just do it in my head :)
great post jill!!! i saw it on twitter and just knew the comments were going to be fun. thanks for not dissapointing me ladies :)
This is simply incredible…thank you!
My 7 year old and I were listening to some old school hip hop and the “f-bomb” was dropped. I said, “oh shit, sorry didn’t mean to have you listen to the unedited version”. Him: “That’s okay, I am used to it, you say it all of the time”. Me: “wow, I didn’t realize you hear it”. Him: “Yeah, when you drop a bottle, or the twins are screaming at the same time, or you miss a phone call, it’s totally okay”. Me: “You are right, I need to think of something creative to replace that ugly word; like pickles, or boobies or something”. Him: “Really mom? You definitely are NOT a pickles kind of mom, keep saying “fuck”, it makes you who you are.” I laughed, and thought to myself I am SO happy he is mine…
That is hilarious! You’re raising a kid who will grow up to have a good sense of humor!
And that just reminded me of my daughter posting on Twitter about me a couple of years ago that “curse words flow from her mouth like water from a fountain”.
Love it! I read this “conversation” to my 7 y/o daughter. She thought it was funny since, as I said above, she’s my Jiminy Cricket!
I am actually journaling (is that a word?) about my conversations with the 7 year old. I should take all of your stories to make a compilation.
totally <3 this one…you should be applauded for being able to have such an honest conversation with your son…
and I'm totally with you there…my youngest has understood and given sarcasm back since he was 3…God Help ME! lol!!!
Oh thank god I’m not the only one. There have been many times when I was frustrated i would call my husband on the phone at work and tell him “your son is being a dick.”
It’s not that he could do anything about it, but just getting it off my chest and saying it out loud to another adult helped me blow off steam so I did not say to my kid, “hey you’re being a dick” lol
Seriously. You crack me the fuck up!
I like to look at it as a type of public service I am doing for society who will have to deal with my 4 children. Bc they are learning at home that yes, they do make people angry and it’s ok! No, they aren these perfect little beings who can do no wrong! It’s ok to be wonderfully imperfect! And we can get mad and say things that are not nice and that we don’t mean. Because then we learn how to apologize. And guess what? Do I have children who have had a curse word hurled in their direction? Yep! Has my teenage daughter been cursed at? Yep! Are my children ridiculously well adjusted kids who’s world doesn’t end bc a friend gets mad or isn’t being nice to them, because they KNOW that it’s normal and their friends will get over it? Even yesser! And to those perfect parents out there who don’t even think anything remotely negative when their demon spawn are screaming in the grocery store, all I have to say is ‘Bless your heart!’
Bless your heart for rearing four children, and doing your public service of indoctrinating them to the world of not-so-nice words!
I love it. I have 4 kids also; 7, 2, 11 month twins ALL BOYS…and cursing is truly the only way to keep my noodles in tact- oh, that and a very stiff Greyhound at 1:15 p.m.
I swear like a trucker. My kids are kind, compassionate, loving, engaged… sometimes even polite. I love the *people* they are becoming, and am proud to be sending them out into the world with what I’ve given them. Yes, even the four-letter word vocabulary.
As long as you have a sickly sweet smile on your face while filling up your speech bubble. Sure, feel free to jerk your head side to side to emphasize those really bad thoughts/swears. It will complete the whole experience.
Of course!
And really, is there anything more hilarious than over hearing the 3 year old (and family baby) say to the 6 year old up the street who tripped him on purpose, ‘You Fucker!’ before said 3 year olds older brother could jump to his defense. Well said baby, well said!
I think the point (of the post anyway) is that we say these things IN OUR HEADS and not out loud. That way our 3y/o isn’t cursing the 6y/o in the middle of the neighborhood. Get a grip. Nobody is advocating cursing lessons for preschoolers here.
Nope not advocating. Not in denial, either. Have my children overheard me calling someone a fucker? Obviously. And I am able to see the humor in my 3yo appropriately calling a spade a spade. I think the point of the post may also be that we are all human and make mistakes. And I for one am a big enough person to admit my mistakes and take humor (and teachable life moments) as they come.
I think I read your comment as a criticism than as a confirmation. Sorry. I think we were on the same page. Go Amanda!
I totally do that, I’ve even been known to whisper chains of four-letter-words at the ceiling when I hear noises from children who are supposed to be asleep, lol. If hubby had any idea how often I chew him and our son a new ass in my head, I’d never hear the end of it because I’m constantly threatening to bash him in the head with a cast iron frying pan if he doesn’t curb his f-bombs!
I absolutely do this – everyday!! I applaud you for finding the humor that comes along with admitting, publishing and condoning it. Right now, I’m actually thinking “Leave me the F#@& alone so I can comment on this amazing blog post!”
I’ll see your “cussing in your head” and raise you a “go into the laundry room, shut the door, say it all out loud, and step back out, much happier and significantly more composed.”
Great piece. It would be good if some of the people on FB actually read it before they commented because there’s a lot more to it.
That works wonders, too, but I prefer to see the face of the child I am telling off. More satisfying that way.
Great post and so accurate!
There is no way a mother isn’t cussing her kids out in her head, it’s impossible.
Or, she’s not human.
Hmmmm.
Why is it funny to mentally hurl vulgarities at your kids, but not funny to mentally mock the obese on scooters at disneyworld?
Jesus, let it go already. That was so six months ago.
Snort. Who says the internet has a short memory?
Right?
Maybe it will tell me where my freaking keys are…
;)
Wow…I didn’t know we were still talking about that…haven’t there been many more bloggers to hate since?
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! if i had a nickel…
Tee hee hee.
I think you probably already know that:
#1 I love this post
#2 I swear at my kids under my breath/in my head all the time
#3 They so fucking deserve it
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said (under my breath) “Oh my god shut the fuck up now please” to my children.
Sometimes, that’s all I need to move forward in a more constructive way.
I love and whole heartedly support this! It’s fucking hilarious and those who don’t agree ARE liars! I’ve been telling it like it is for all the years of my wonderful little assholes lives! It’s nice to hear my thoughts from someone else! Fucking great!
I’m with you… I’m a fan of the four letter words and say them in my head often, though I’ve been known to use “are you fucking kidding me” out loud ;)
i am so there with you – as a mom of 3 kids (2.5, 4.5 , 5.5) i have my days where swearing in my head is all i can do to cope .. its not my *kids* but their behavior .. which is hard to decipher the difference some days .
I swear in my head a lot. It keeps me from exploding.
I am smiling at this post because I know there have been times when I had to will my mouth not to say what am thinking arrrggghhh especially when the children are talking too much :)
I have said all of these things in my head, and under my breath, about a million and a half times. And Hell yes, they deserved it.
The only problem is that if you do something in your head long enough, your bound to do it for real.
Is that how it works? So, eventually I’ll rip off my clothes and run through the supermarket or ram into cyclists? Because I imagine doing both quite often.
I recommend you practice the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ in your head so you can execute it for real.
Well excuse me for the typo! I do know the difference between all the your-you’re and the there-their-they’re’s but sometimes I am taking care of my kids while typing and don’t take the time to double check. I don’t think someone is going to run through the supermarket naked just because they’re (see correct usageA) thinking it, swearing is a little easier and more socially acceptable though. The only reason I made the comment is because I thought bad words at my husband for a while and then they all came spilling out one day. I am more careful now. Just a thought…
A+ on this post. To everyone who is bringing God into the equation, I’m here to tell you that I love God and I love my children. But I also love swearing in my head. It’s really quite fun. You’re totally missing out if you’ve never done it.
Exactly! It IS fun and harmless and has nothing to do with God in the least. How the hell did he get dragged into this post?
Oh, hell yeah, Scary Mommy. Not only do I do it in my head and under my breath, I *may* have let a few rip at the top of my lungs. This isn’t a question about God, love or anything…other than SANITY. Two kids on the spectrum and a teen daughter. Shit. Somedays, I am just proud that I don’t reach for the alcohol until AFTER they go to bed.
I don’t do this. Nope. Not ever.
Whatever keeps us sane, right?
Yah I do the same thing, and also to the customers I serve each and every day at the bank, like “if you weren’t so fucking drunk you’d know what you just withdrew from your account yesterday.” I think it then smile politely and tell her her balance.
*laughing hysterically*
Perfect!
So THAT’S what’s behind those eyes behind the counter at the bank! I’m soooo on to you tellers now…. ;)
Wow. You seem like an absolutely miserable mother. I definitely get frustrated, but I have never cursed my kids, even in my head. I have seen too many women who have lost their children to not be thankful for every moment, even the ones that make me want to scream.
What a mean thing to say. We’re all doing our best. Cursing doesn’t make someone less thankful for life, or the lives they care for each day. It’s just an outlet, an expression. And frankly, it makes for a really funny blog post, which is what ScaryMommy is all about. I hope you can use your “thankful for every moment” philosophy the next time you want to pass judgement.
I’m not a miserable mother in the least.
P.S. You seem like an asshole.
This response is why I come here. You are so honest. I love this post by the way. I do this, and often!
Jill.. I totally love you. Just saying!
P.S. I think they seem like an asshole also.
P.S. Totally agree with Amy l. Bloom, SM, Rae and Lisa- I mean really all of that happy mothering-I take pictures with my kids baking-feed them sprouts-they haven’t had a donut in their life is bull shit and if you don’t curse every once in awhile (or feed them a bowl of Lucky Charms) you must be on a really strong dose of your “happy pill”- I am so grateful for every moment with my nuggets AND there are some days I would like to just hop on a one-way to Bora Bora and sleep with the cabana boy-I DO think that (above) Lena is kind of a douche…just sayin! I am so addicted to this conversation- what a great one SM- Thank you xo
Ooof. You are so not invited to a drunk playdate at my home. Not ever. Buzzkill.
Drunk playdate? I’m there!
Oooh! Fun, I’ll bring the weed
Can I get in on this?
Hell yes! C’mon over!
I guess what I don’t get is the judgment. You came here, you read the post, you disagreed. Move on. How does name calling make you a better/different kind of person? Oh, I see; you don’t think what you just said was wrong. B/c you’re better…what? Parent? Person? Kiss my ass. What works for some may not work for others (have a look at spanking, tv, food choices, time-out, leashes). Take your judgy mcjudging negativepants ass on.
their name calling isn’t judgemental cause they didn’t cuss :)
Lena,
Let’s see this for what it is…..a blog post that clearly many women can relate to. It is meant to be funny. If you do not find it funny, change the station. Obviously, a blog called “Scary Mommy” is not going to be angelic and sweet. Of course we all know or have read of mothers who have lost their children, and we cannot imagine anything worse. It is unfair of you to suggest that any of us are not thankful for our children. We are, however, human. If your children have not driven you to the brink, then perhaps a teacher from school, a professor in college, a neighbor, dog, or cat has. You know the feeling. You cannot say you do not. We all have been dealt a different hand. I have a special needs child who is so troubled, and it is no one’s fault. I also have a teenager who acts like a teenager. I cry some days, curse on others, and take sleeping pills some nights. But never ever suggest for a moment that I do not love my children with every ounce of my being. As someone wrote above, this is not about God or religion. This is a human issue, a mother’s issue. If you want to say “Holy Toledo” or “Holy Shit” when your child throws a shoe at you (but of course, your child would never do such things now would he/she?), that is your decision. Saying one or the other does not make someone a good or bad mother. There is absolutely no way you can get through raising children without a curse word running through your head. Be real!
JG-Truthfully, I am just not one to really curse! I understand being frustrated, I REALLY do. I don’t know, maybe it is how I was brought up or maybe it’s just where I live, but cursing is reserved for the worst of the worse. I know that can vary from region to region or even person to person, fine. But to curse your children and seem almost proud about it? I guess that’s the part I truly do not comprehend. It’s one thing to curse, but to seem PROUD about it?
And thank you for being one of the more polite people on here.
I am thankful for my kids every single moment. But sometimes they are assholes. And I tell them so. *ON THE INSIDE* Nobody gets hurt and I don’t have to refill my Xanax nearly as often.
But I am so thankful that there are absolutely perfect parents in this world like you so that we will always have someone to judge us. Tell me. Do you let your children get close to heat sources? Because it seems like the plastic they are made of would probably melt if you do…..I mean that’s the only logical explanation as to why you never, ever get angry enough with them to speak crosswise with them, even in your head.
Plastic children….now that is funny:)
I read the post, Ive read a lot of the comments. No one is perfect and for those ladies who disagree with the idea of cursing in your head or out loud or in any form, great! You are totally entitled to YOUR opinion.
I wont say you are wrong, and I sure dont need you to tell me IM wrong for having done all the things posted here, and probably a few Im embarrassed to admit to.
Getting frustrated and popping off a few four-letter-friend-getters doesnt make any one of us bad parents, nor does it mean we dont love our children. Hell if we didnt care about our kids, we wouldnt get so upset at their behavior that we felt the need to curse.
I am not overly religious but I bet even I could find several passages that state that is not our place to judge others; so while you may not approve, please quit judging us, our parenting tactics and our unending love for our children.
shouldn’t really good, thankful Mom’s like you be spending thier time making organic baby food and teaching children how to cure cancer rather than slumming it on the Internet with us “normal Mommy folks??”
Just wondering.
getting frustrated with your children does not equal being a miserable mother and it also does not mean that she loves her children any less. The reason why it is so tough to raise children in this day and age is BECAUSE there is so much PRESSURE to be perfectly perfect and if ( god forbid!) you are not and lose it every once and a while SOMEONE will be sure to point out your ” imperfection”. Scary Mommy is an “honest” look into motherhood, not the Norman Rockwell painting of motherhood. Sorry but I love my children and have wished for them since I knew it were possible ( age 8 maybe) but there are days when it can all be overwhelming. So thank you , moms who get it and don’t judge!
OMG….Lovelovelove this! Let me just say that if my children ever learn read lips I am so fucked ;p
Cursing out loud happens…suck it up and apologize to your kids when it happens and explain yourself. Your kids need to know you are human not a perfect robot….
And little shit is an endearment in my house!! Totally <3 your blog…
You know, Dear Abby, years and years ago said that it was okay to yell at other cars on the road as long as your windows are rolled up. Her theory was that it satisfied the need to get it off of your chest without harming anyone. I’m thinking this is the same thing.
How did such a candid and funny post cause so much controversy?! Everyone expresses themselves differently. It’s got nothing to do with being unhappy or unable to cope. It certainly has nothing to do with faith, spirituality, or religion. Some of us like words, and we use them to express ourselves – the good, bad, and the ugly.
I blaspheme under my breath, all the damn time. My go-to is “Jesus H Christ Bananas.” I also invent other crafty, colorful blasphemous terms for those instances when Boy Child has just thrown his forty-seventh tantrum of the day. Apparently, though, my daughter pays slightly too much attention to what I mutter, because she can hella imitate me when she wants something done her way.
For those of you who don’t curse at/under your breath/in your head. Congratulations. You’re brilliant, and you’ve clearly mastered what the rest of us have not. Congrat-u-fucking-lations. Clearly you don’t have a child who has behavioral issues, who has for the past six goddamn hours thrown a temper tantrum of epic proportions. Clearly you don’t understand what it’s like to be at your wit’s end trying to figure out what the goddamn matter is. Clearly life is peachy, and spectacular, and I have a whole lot to learn from you about inner peace and clarity, etc, etc, bullshetc. (And that’s pronounced bull-shitcetera, if you’re curious).
Give me a fucking break.
Scary Mommy – You. You, I love.
By FAR my favorite comment!
Thanks. Can you tell I’ve been living at Wit’s End for entirely too damn long? How the hell do I get out of this place?!
Love it! And it is so true! I can’t tell you how many times I have muttered or thought the same things. Especially when I have heard Mom, Mommy, Momma… repetitively for at least a half hour. I have so wanted to scream ” I changed my fucking name and left the damn country!”
I just cuss my kids right to their face, I have two teenagers and I don’t hold back one single bit, they get an attitude with me and start their shit I just tell them both to go drink a steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up!
You rock Scary Mommy! Fuck the haters!
dammit to fuck, jill. can you just stop writing such a fucking honest blog and fucking let the sunshine and shitty rainbows fall with unicorn tears? because that is really all it is motherfucking about.
GUFFAW!
Whomever invented texting had to be a mother. I can smile sweetly at my children while texting their father saying “I’m going to kill these fucking bastards spawned from your demon seed… I’m going to burn the house down.” etc… he knows I’m just venting, and they don’t know a thing.
“Effing” is a big word in my house. As in “If you don’t stop hitting your sister with that effing light saber, I’m going to melt it down and make homework out of it!”
Just wanted you to know that is now going to be my go-to threat with my boys. “Knock it off right now or I’m taking your effing ______ and melting it down to make homework out of it!”
LOVE IT! Effing is a big one for me too… I try not to direct my f-bombs at my boys and effing works well most of the time as a stand in :)
BTW to all the people bringing God into this, I’m sure God (Our Father) is looking down and thinking “Jesus. Fucking Douchebags.”
LOL. Now that is a God I can worship.
OMG just spit my coffee on the puter!!! Fucking AWESOME!!! Love this post and the responses..Scarey Mommy Rocks!!
The only thing I would all to this blog t make it perfect is ‘like’ or ‘agree’ buttons by each post!
I love this place… I am sitting here as we speak, with tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks, while 2 of my “darling, sweet, angelic” grandchildren, ages 3.5 and 4.5 (that have been spending a long weekend with me and have permanent marker beard and mustaches applied by their 12 year old uncle) are sitting piled on top of me eating popcorn and making a mess. AND I AGREE WITH EVERY WORD. Before I had kids I never used such language, now it is daily, no hourly, somedays all day long. It doesn’t mean I love them any less, it just keeps me from wanting to box their ears!!!!
I have thought this while in church. And I haven’t been smote. (yet)
Can’t they EVER shut the F*ck up and stop fighting! LOL
Swearing is healthy, screw everyone else who says otherwise. Better than smashing shit up I say.
I swear ALL THE TIME in my head. I’ve also been known to roll my eyes while doing it, so soon, my son will be old enough to catch onto what I’m saying to him in my mind. I’ll still do it though.
Mythbusters did an episode that showed through an experiment that humans can withstand pain for a longer amount of time while yelling obscenities than non-curse words (fuck vs fudge) so maybe it also works with emotions hahha
I do it too, and I am a thankful,dedicated,hard working, fun wonderful mom who loves her dd more than anything and will do everything so she can have the best life she can. But when she is screeching in my eat and freaking out because she doesn’t want to go to bed then ya, I say in my head “shut the fuck up”. I wad raised in am environment where swearing wasn’t associated with disrespect or negativity, it was just loosely used to express extreme frustration. so when I think it in my head, my intentions aren’t malicious or hurtful, they’re just expressing my frustration. I think the positive energy/ love and all that stuff truly corms from your intention and not the exact words u use.
I heard about that on the radio! I can relate. Somehow, stubbing your toe for the fourth goddam time on the same fucking toy laying in the same fucking place after the 11th fucking time telling them to pick the shit UP … well, it just makes it hurt less. Doesn’t it?
Ok. So, to deal with the God issue…God created everything, correct? Our ability to speak? Communication? Yep. And? He created fucking. In all parts of speech. God knows your heart. That’s all that fucking matters.
My heart? Is to teach my kids right from wrong. How to be polite and respectful. How to think of others. How to help others. That they are loved more than life itself.
…and that some words are grown up words.
…and that sometimes they are behaving like douche bags and need to do what I have fucking asked them to do 6 fucking times. Now.
I fuckin love you. ;)
Such an honest post. I love you. And while I do say fuck under my breath MUCH more when it concerns my husband..because OMG men!!! – I do find myself daily silently asking my two year old “now what could be the fucking problem now” as she throws herself onto the floor for the 750th time.
xoxo
If I kiss you on the lips when I see you at BlogHer it will be because of this post. And because I’m really, really drunk.
(I promise I won’t kiss you on the lips. Please don’t run screaming in the other direction when you see me.)
I can’t wait to meet you next week!!
I’m a little jealous.
Oh people do this in their head? What a novel idea. Last week I told my ten year old to “stop being a dick.” I was mortified as soon as the words left my mouth, but I wanted to make sure he understood that his behavior was unacceptable. So, I followed that statement with. “I should not have said that in that way. That was rude of me, and I should not have used that term; however you need to think about how you’re talking to me. What I should have said was stop acting like a brat.” He said, “You need to think about how you’re talking to me.” The kid is a dick sometimes.
Aren’t kids just fucking hilarious?
I’ve said to my 12 year old son “you are such an ASS!” and he looked at me said “well, that just wasn’t very nice.” Crap, I hate it when I’m called on the carpet by my kids! LOL
What I say in my head is “Calm the F* down!”
If it relieves your stress, if it gives you a second of grown-up time, even if it’s in your head, then so be it. Raising kids is hard.
I agree a little with what Megan said up at the top, in that by thinking negative things, you are kind of affecting your overall attitude about the people you love. But I only say this because I know from personal experience that the OPPOSITE is true. I read somewhere about ‘spinning’ their negative behaviors into positives in your head, and tried it in my own life. Since most child-like behaviors, if honed properly, are actually ASSETS as adults. Stubborn? So, they stick to their guns? Stand up for what they believe in? Don’t give up on their dreams? See? Positive spin. So instead of screeching at my daughter to stop whining, I take a deep breath and tell her how much I love that she’s using her words. Then, when she’s disarmed from shock, I remind her that she needs to use her nice voice, or she can go to her room until her nice voice is ready. And I actually find I have more patience, and instead of being angry or resentful over her behavior, I’m pleased that someday these might be assets. It’s hard to remember this, but children DO act their ages. The brain isn’t fully developed until their mid-20s, and while it may SEEM that they’re doing things just to fuck up your day, even if they’re old enough to know better, for some, fucking up your day is where they’re at in their developmental phases! :)
I personally have no problems with cuss words, and use them regularly at home. I try and cut down in front of the kid, because I don’t want her to be “that kid” who isn’t invited to other people’s houses. But for me, it’s not the WORD that’s bad, but the lack of control in saying it. If you substitute ‘softer’ words, you’ve still lost control and failed to better express yourself. This isn’t a judgement here, though. Like I said, I cuss like a trucker. But I accept that I cuss due to a lack of control and ability to calm down and express myself better. And a conscious choice not to bother trying. But slamming on my brakes and shouting “FUDGE!” isn’t any better than cussing, in my book. Just makes me (and my child) more socially acceptable. :)
Well put!
Ummmm. You mean I’m not s’pose to say that stuff out loud? Well, fuck!
I do this all the time. I changed the words to Cee Lo’s song, and aimed it towards my kids (you saw that, right?). I flip them off behind their backs.
either I get it out silently and laugh about it, or I boil over.
I’d rather curse in my head, laugh and move on.
Awesome. I think this is an amazing coping mechanism. When I feel like flipping out on my kids I imagine flipping the fuck out and what would happen. Then I drink wine.
This is so me. Every day. Glad you shared! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there.
Oh my goodness, yes I do this!!! I have actually written rhyming dirty poetry for my sweet minions. Like you, I don’t say it aloud, at least not to them. As for those criticizing you, get ready for it, they’re gonna love me. I have four kids, 9, 6, 4, 3. The bottom 3 are adopted and have special needs. Needless to say, cursing occasions occur on a very regular basis. Now, to all you bleeding hearts who are hating me as you read this I say, “I love my kids more than my next breath. They get the best I have every day of their lives. So, if I wanna sing, “I’m in the shower and you’re in bed, if you come in here, you’re fucking dead” quietly as the tension runs off me and down the drain, call me when you’ve walked a day in my shoes!
I love your honesty. This made me laugh!
I am guilty of swearing out loud, but will now try to put this concept of yours into practice. Unlike some who’ve commented, my relationship with God has not completely erased my propensity to cuss. However, my children think being called “little shit” is hilarious… because I use it as an unlikely term of endearment, strange as that sounds =)
Everyday, before getting up I recite a lil prayer “God, please bless me with more patience today,please,please..” but the moment my kids wake up, crying over nothing, fighting so early in the morning and screamimg for something I don’t understand I know God forgets to grant my prayer again and then the cursing under my breath and inside my head starts. My husband also gets a lot of these too when he’s acting like a child during weekends. Sigh!
I love the sing-song “shut the fuck up my dear” lol Im totally singing that in my head tomorrow. In fact I think I’ll go practice the tune now.
I absolutely LOVE this post!
I am one of those moms that lets it fly – damn and shit are my two favorite words … if I drop the F bomb in front of my kids it means, mommy is really serious and you’d do best to filter anything else that might come tumbling out of your mouth. I will say, I don’t cuss in front of other people’s children (I may have slipped a time or two, but for the most part I’m good)
I can see the reason for mixed feelings on the issue tho. my mom? does not cuss, in fact “oh swearword” was a favorite saying growing up. my dad? full of colorful words, tho nothing more than shit, damn or jesus christ (coming from the man who went to seminary) was ever used in front of us til we hit the teenage years.
for me? cussing is not angry, or frustrated, or happy, or sad – and yet it is all of those things. some people feel better when they throw something, punch a pillow, or maybe even get down on their knees and pray … I feel I better express myself with a hell yeah, fuck no, or holy bat shit.
kids are gonna hear it, at school, in someone else’s house, in public, somewhere. it’s just another word as far as I’m concerned, and I teach my kids that it isn’t appropriate in some places or around some people. there is a time and place for it and they need to respect that. they get it, and they watch their mouths.
and in all honesty?? the parents who don’t cuss at home? (the ones I have in my life, anyway) I’ve heard their kids in my house when they didn’t know I was passing by the room and they swear like sailors!! even my own children, who hear it often, are shocked at the use of four letter words from those kids.
OOOOOH, I LOVE when you get controversial. Had fun reading the comments. Love the post!
I think you should set the tune to the Barney song. No mommy could ever not laugh every time they heard the melody.
Never told the kids to eff off, but I did once shout at my then toddler to stop being such an asshole. Does that count?
I don’t have kids, but i saw this via another site and I just had to read it! (sorry, i’m a compulsive link clicker!). But i have to share these anecdotes because i know there are some here that will find the humor in them, as the best humor comes from truth. My best friend is a good person and a very good parent (can’t stress that enough) especially given her situation with 3 kids and a grandchild (all under the same roof at one point!) I assisted in “raising” my best friend and former roommate’s 13 year old, and my roommate’s granddaughter, (her 21 yo’s child, not the 13 yo’s! Lol) and we cussed out loud and in front of them ALL THE TIME! Roomie had a cat named Fucker. 13 yo hated swearing and she hated the cat’s name, so she called her Cheeseburger (not a creative child…but it was funny to us. Oh, we called the cat Fucker because she was the most irritating cat in the world.) 13 yo was called a dumbass, dumbfuck, smartass, rere, shit head, dumb shit, etc, almost daily. These were terms of love and endearment in our house. When we called her by her given name, she knew something was wrong. The baby is a affectionately called a little shit especially now that she is walking and talking and for the most part getting into EVERYTHING. But, the kids know that their mom/grandma loves them, and if she censored herself, then she just wouldn’t be who she is.
I was raised in a house where every cuss word except fuck was used. My mom hates that word. I can count on 1 hand the times i’ve heard her say it in my 26 years on earth. My mom said shit all the time. Well, actually, she sait “chit”. My little sister’s first words? A very clear and hearty “CHIT!” when she dropped her oreo. I was 8 or 9 at the time and i remember my mother say “well, chit! I mean, dammit! I mean, I have got to stop cussing!” My dad almost pissed himself. As was the trend in the 90′s i said “Ummmmm! I’m telling!” to which my mother said something like, “who? We’re all here!” I will never forget that day. Ever.
My point is, adults swear. A lot. And 9 times out of 10, especially if you send your child to public school, your kids are gonna hear it anyways. Isn’t it better that they hear it from you, and know what is being said, than having that weird conversation trying to explain what that other kid meant when they called your kid a shit head or a fucker? And what would be more satisfying than your kid giving little Billy on the playground an impromptu english lesson when they try to cuss at your kid, and get it all wrong? (another 13 yo moment at my house. Her mom and I were rolling. I’m a grammar nazi and so is her mom. That is an awesome kid.)
So, scary mommy, you rock for this article, because i know a whole hell of a lot of moms that swear out loud in front of their kids and are going to LOVE this article when i show it to them!
I decided to give this theory a try today. The results: I was a nicer mom and didn’t even drop a swear word outloud all day! Where have you been all my life, scary mommy? I believe you are on to something here…
I curse my twins in my head daily.
And im talking about those four letter words. The nasty ones. I firmly believe it makes me sane.
If I think it in my head then it wont have to come out accidentally while I am screaming at them in my fish wife voice!
Thanks for this post.
Having been a teenager and now being the mother of teenagers, I am fairly certain that no matter how often or virulently I curse them in my head, they are doing it right back at me–and probably with new epithets I wouldn’t even understand.
I do this all the time and my kids aren’t even near being teenagers yet! Can’t imagine what I will say (internally) when they are! Honestly I really think that anyone who says they don’t either never curses to begins with, or is a liar. There is NOTHING wrong with venting in your own head!
This is just confirms, once again, that here with SM I am in the company of friends:)
I swear, A LOT. Recently my potty mouth prompted my 6 year old to say to me, “Mom, when you use bad words it makes me be a bad kid.”
To this I replied, “Actually I am helping you develop your decision making skills. If swearing is “bad” and you shouldn’t do it…don’t swear.”
Don’t worry, I have already started accounts for the $$$$$ therapy that all of my children will SURELY need to become “normal.”
Thanks for this great post:)
Oh, I most definitely *think* these things in my head. Though I’m kinda of surprised how freakishly well I’ve adapted to spewing lines like, “God Bless America” in place of what I’m thinking. :)
I’m a BIG fan of “under the breath.”
thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing :) this cracked me up – and I’ve had similar thoughts on occasion during terrible two temper tantrums… looking at the number of comments you have, I’m guessing you’re in no-way alone in this ;)
anyone that freaks about your post obviously paid someone else to raise their kids. i remember some days when the kids were little i would sit outside the front door of my apartment (i was a single mom 14 yrs) with my fingers in my ears mumbling over & over “ilovemychildrenilovemychildrenilovemychildren” for 10 minutes at a time so i wouldn’t scream and whack the shit out of them when i went back inside. i would sometimes have visions of me smacking their heads together like the 3 stooges. moms are human, too. we ALSO have breaking points, and get tired of taking crap. our precious and sweet angel babies can sometimes be unreasonable little shits. it gets old. it sucks when you come home from work and someone has used ranch dressing for body lotion and the babysitter was on the damn phone. or they become teenagers and try to dye their hair with red kool-aid and it looks like a slaughterhouse in the livingroom/bathroom/bedroom/kitchen/YOUR bedroom/YOUR bathroom. bad words in a language they aren’t likely to pick up is helpful. i live in texas, so spanish is OUT. crosseur de ostie (flaming asshole)! motherspelunker! what a charliefoxtrot (clusterf*ck)! where the rasafrackin’ hell is the spotshot? get the goddamn peanut butter off the kitty!
one time my daughter started to cry and sputtered “my mommy is lewis black”…….
Oh no she didn’t! How funny is that! =)
I’m a big fan of swearing. I am. And if it happens out loud and the kids hear it, I tell them it’s a bad word and I earned the right to say it because I’m old and birthed babies, but they aren’t allowed to.
I flip my childeren, when they are not looking of course and sometimes I use double fingers, they can be such little fuckers…
This not only works for my kids. It works for my husband, my boss and my co-workers. LOL
I support you! GAWD knows that I have had cursing tantrums in my head towards the kid and wife and MIL and dogs before. And it enables me to think like Dory from Nemo “Just keep smiling, just keep smiling”
Amen!! I have six kids so I totally get this and I wholeheartedly agree with your philopshy!!!! Made my day. What guts you have too!!
Hey Jill, I have a brilliant and totally original idea. You should write a children’s book titled “Shut the Fuck Up.” You could get Samuel L. Jackson to narrate it. heh heh
The only thing more awesome and entertaining than the original blog post are these comments. Spot on, Jill.
This does not make you a bad mom. I swear all the time, too, sometimes even out loud. FUCK! I say in front of my kids if I break a plate or if they’re driving me crazy. I’m not happy I do this, but I can’t help myself sometimes. “Are you fucking kidding me?” is also another popular one that comes out of my mouth ALL THE TIME.
I really try to watch the swearing, and for the most part it’s in my head. But, sometimes…when it’s really bad or when someone does something really, really stupid that “are you fucking kidding me?” just pops out and BAM! my kids look at me like I’ve 3 heads! LOL
I’m always amazed at the amount of comments and arguing that goes on over one little post. Every family make up is different. Some families swear freely, some don’t. But to say you never even think badly about your kids when they are pulling the mother of all tantrums is a stretch. I mean if you are one of those blessed persons who remain cool and calm in all situations, well good for you. But the majority of us don’t. I’d rather think that negative irritating thought about my kid or husband and then get over it rather than say it to their face.
Thank you so much for the best laugh all day! I did a post on this too on my blog, but it’s so nice to know other moms are ok with the wonderful, satisfying F word@! My hubbie is the one constantly shushing me big time and pointing madly toward the kids ears. Sigh.
Wow there is a lot judgement being passed around on both sides of this argument. I don’t like the implication that if you could manage to get through the day without swearing at your children then you are either a liar or using hired help to raise your children. Yes, my son gets on my nerves and I get angry, but I just don’t see how swearing at a child would help that situation.
The whole point is that we are NOT swearing at our children out loud TO them. It’s that we are processing those feelings of frustration in our heads instead of spewing it all over them. The part that I think people are not being honest with themselves about is that they even get to the point where those words even enter their minds. When you get angry, don’t at least a few inappropriate words at least come to mind? Jill is just saying that she imagines herself saying them and then she feels much better. And most of us are honest enough with ourselves that we agree.
I did see quite a few people mention in the comments that they do swear out loud at their children. Personally, I don’t think that way because I don’t speak that way. I’ve never been a fan of swear words so I don’t use them. I just don’t see why you either have to be this angry, swearing at your kids in your head mom or you are hopped up on pills and/or having a nanny raise your kids mom.
I have been doing this for 9 years now. What comes out of my mouth usually ends up being the exact opposite of what I am thinking. Sometimes not. This post made me laugh.
Jess
Every night (no exaggeration), I mentally recite the words to Go the Fuck to Sleep while putting my child to bed. I mean, c’mon! He’s 2 freaking years old and has slept through the night MAYBE 3 times, maybe.
I just found this blog…and I LOVE it! LoL. You just HAVE to do this…shit, I do it all day. :D But sometimes, I have to let it out…so I go into the pantry where it’s VERY loud & say it out loud: “These kids have go to be f-cking kidding me right now…” “I’m probably going to flip the F-CK out on someone soon….” or the “F-ck it…I’m gonna throw the whole f-cking Playstation out of the f-cking window if these f-cking kids don’t stop f-cking fighting about it.” Obviously, the fighting on the Playstation gets to me the worst. ;D Just sayin’…& yes, spouses ARE included in this. :D
You know, the timing on this is perfect, because lately I’ve been saying – out of earshot of course – JESUS FUCKING CHRIST whenever my son is being a pill and throwing a tantrum. And it helps. A lot.
I am behind you 100% on your maternal expletive-filled thought-bubble campaign.
I am so glad i am not the only one. My children have a large vocabulary of filthy words that they have learned from me But they always know where they stand with me and know how i truely feel
I totally love swearing – it’s how I get through the day!!!
Thanks for writing this! I appreciated your coping mechanism so much, I wrote a little response and thank you for you because I couldn’t understand all the hate you were getting when I think you are fucking brilliant. http://www.accordingtodenise.com/2011/07/26/sometimes-i-swear/
Every. Fucking. Day. Thank you so much for saying it.
I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. Boys.
The four year old has JUST figured out the toilet. So you can imagine how many fucks left my mouth since I’ve been changing diapers way too fucking long. Thanks developmental delay. I really wanted to change diapers for 4 1/2 years. Thank God that’s over.
The 8 year old -actually, 8 and 1/2 – has reached that stage when he’s a complete and total douchebag asshole to me and his father. Can’t wait for him to be a teenager. I know he’s just trying to “become his own person” or some shit. I get it. But he’s a fucking asshole most of the time. So yeah, I mumble “Fuck you you fucking prick” under my breath sometimes. So sue me.
I just so happen to be very fond of the word FUCK. I use it often. Daily. The day is not complete unless I drop a couple F bombs. Never out loud in front of the kids, of course. But definitely in my head or under my breath.
I can’t believe I’m not the only one that does this?!?!?! And now that you’ve enlighted the world, I can feel good about doing it…..”stop slamming doors you little fuckers”….oh sorry my kids were distracting me.
I love this post because I did this *TODAY*. I am packing my darling angel children up for kids camp and realize that they have 1. attached a rope to the puppy, 2. left him alone with the chickens and 3. started a mud fight. Some of you may think I am a crap ass mom because this went down at all, but I am here to tell you this shit went down in the span of roughly a minute and a half. There is no limit to chicken food/shit a puppy can eat in a minute’s time and God knows mud covers a child at the speed of light. Good thing I didn’t shriek “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” out loud… because I certainly thought it… along with the whole attach a punishment to the curse word… if my puppy dies because he ate too the fuck much of the goddamn chicken shit, I am going to knock you the fuck out… in my head. What I did in reality was detach the puppy, quarantine him for explosive vomit, and get my kids out of their dresses and into clean clothes. Did I sapnk them? No. Did I raise my voice? No. After five minutes did I realize it could be funny? Yes. But only after I cursed their little asses up one side and down the other… in my head.
Fuck is a word that I loved. It is my favorite fucking word of all the fuck time. It can be used as every fucking part of speech. Every fucking person should use this word every fucking day.
To those who say they *never* curse or even (gasp!) *think* a curse word, watch a movie with a curse word in it… I say… what the fuck are you doing here? Garbage in, garbage out? You just read a whole fucking lot of curse words. BOO YAH!
PS – I just flipped my husband off in my head now because he is going to hike my favorite trail without me next week. Cursed him out too.
Katie, I think I love you.
Thanks! :-) always nice to feel the love
You are HILARIUS! I am a very fond use of the word FUCK too! i use it multiple times a day & i’m not even a parent, I use it at the dogs, other peoples kids, sometimes my brother that is 23, even though I shouldn’t but it makes me feel better lol…this is the best blog ever!
Thank you for saying what every mother wants to say but doesn’t for whatever reason. What a great way to maintain your sanity….lot better than losing it and taking it out on the people that mean the most to you. Thanks for such a great post.
I’ll admit. I’ve never been an f bomb thrower. I always felt like an amateur when I tried. But I will say that I appreciate a good f word in a really good context. So thank you to all the raunchy, nasty, crazy Mom’s who posted on here. You have truly made me laugh out loud. Though, I’ll stick to the shits and dammits… It’s more my zone.
I just DIED laughing at this post. I regularly tell my bratty ass kids to shut the fuck up goddamnit in my head. Or mumble it. Because it makes me feel better. And to all these assholes who say they dont curse, you can also shut the fuck up. Get over yourselves.
I totally get the same feeling.
OMG LADY- You are FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!! My best friend of 4 turned me on to you & I just love your way with words! HAHA
Keep doing what your doing!
I’m right fucking there with you.
I also routinely shoot middle fingers at the door after my husband or one of the kids has left after being an absolute pain. That door has been flipped off more than the light switch.
LMAO! I do THIS too!
Cursing at in-laws is far more enjoyable.
OMG this is the best post I’ve read all day!!! I read it outloud to my bff too. We can both soooo relate! Awesome writing.
Fucking awesome post.
I refer to the little rants in my head as my “inside voice.” Sometimes there are some very salty phrases in there, but I feel much better for thinking them, even if almost all never see the light of day.
That said, I have a number of very creative alternatives for my “out loud” voice, to ensure I don’t lose my job. Sometimes, one day of teaching junior high feels like four.
Jill, you rock.
You know what I say to the people who can calmly sigh, “fiddlesticks” when presented with a crayoned wall and jam all over the TV? “Fuck off!”
Absolutely agree with all of this. Thank you for making it okay for me too to be the human being I that am DESPITE being a mother! ;)
Ha! Love this!
As long as it’s just in our heads, what difference does it make if we think “this child needs to stop before I lose my mind” or thinking “shut the fuck up!” Same sentiment, really.
You’ve gotten plenty of comments on this from both sides and I’m sure you’ve moved on to bigger and better things, like some big conference everyone keeps talking about. But I couldn’t help but add my two cents to this interesting discussion. My thought is that if you are not doing something to manage the normal internal frustration that comes with parenting, whether that be imagining the ability to curse at your children without having to resort to actually doing it, then what are you doing to let off steam? Also, some of the commenters act as if thoughts = actions and anger = aggression. Thoughts do not equate to plans or intentions and anger does not lead directly to aggression. People think and fantasize about all kinds of things they would never do in real life because it’s a coping mechanism to work out difficult things. And being angry is a normal emotion. It’s only when (a) you constantly think about ways to harm others and then plan and act them out or (b) obsessively fear potentially harming others even though you can’t or never would (as in OCD) that it becomes a problem. Aside from a and b, both of which require psychiatric treatment, visualizing ways to manage anger are normal. Just my thoughts – hope I didn’t start any trouble : )
*standing ovation*
Well said!!
I love this post. I discussed it with my best friend last night and we both agreed there’s nothing more satisfying then a whispered swear word under your breath after telling them to please go and amuse themselves for five minutes’…(insert whispered ‘for fucks sake’).
It’s likely that my mother chanted all manner of swear words in her head when my sister and brother were younger but she never, not once, said anything out loud until the day I pushed her too far. I was a nasty little teenager with an arrogant, nasty little attitude and I don’t know what I did but I pushed her buttons and all of a sudden she exploded with “FUCK!” I ran to the field and blubbered like a baby because holy shit, I made my mother cuss. Lesson learned! A good curse word lobbed loud and effectively can do wonders.
Excellent point. Been there.
Hee Hee!
We all probably do it. Many just won’t admit it! I found you via Mama’s Losin’ It, your best bloggy friend!
This is funny and yes, there are times when I’m having a completely different conversation in my head than I am in real life…the same rings true for husbands too.
And here I was feeling bad because I always thought that I was the ONLY one who did this! Thank you for this post!!!! :) I have one of those “holier than thou” friends (who is childless, btw) who told me that I was horrible mom because I said “bad words” about my kids (IN MY HEAD, mind you, not out loud) and that would translate into bad motherhood! What-the-fuck-ever! LOL
That’s awesome – I usually mouth the words when I turn around, sometimes, however, they do hear me. Yikes!
Seriously, you need to write a parenting book. Best seller, guaranteed!!!
This totally reminds me of that “Go the F*ck to Sleep” book, that I bought, even though I don’t have kids. Because it is “the awesome.”
I need to pick that one up…
Holy mother-fucking shit! I love how you give me permission to just. go. there.
That is so funny! I will just go off sometimes when talking to my mom. It’s safe, I would never do that to the kids or in public, but just saying what you want to say to someone who won’t think you are awful is such a stress relief. BUT, when she ever says, “You really shouldn’t talk that way,” I have to say it just one more time!
I have to say that this was the first time I have laughed out loud with tears streaming down my face in a REALLY long time! I’m sitting with my mom and two sisters—the kids are letting the TV babysit them in the back of the house—and I just read this post aloud to them. I barely made it through the whole thing because I had trouble breathing through my laughter. Thank you for making four women laugh together. You rock!
Thank u so fucking much. I love u for this site. okay here I go…… I have a 11 year old who is at the age where anything I tell/ask her to do. Like clean her fucking room. why the fuck does it take 5 days to clean a freaking room? Its a pig sty in there, and i am not exaggerating. She spends more time up my azz because she is bored, but cant clean her fucking room. wtf. The only time her Dad gets involved is to contradict me. making things worse and teaching her to be a master flipping manipulator. But its all my fault because I tell them both to go to hell. It’s pretty bad when a stay at the funny farm would great:(.
I f*cking loved this post. I too, sing a STFU song in my head too. Seriously, it’s the sound track of my life….. I gauge my proximity to losing it based on the genre of the STFU tune I am singing.. Lite FM version? I’ve still got a grip on the situation. Rap version? I’m close, really close, to going ghetto on someones a$$. Death Metal Thrash version? That’s it, the Barbie doll they are fighting over goes in the trash.
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP BEFORE I FOOTBALL KICK YOU!!!! I never say it out loud and would NEVER hurt my kids but sleep deprivation is a mother fucker with a 3yr old and an 8mt old.
You are my new hero! I love that you are willing to admit what every other mother does. I don’t care how perfect some may seem they have thier faults and are just as guilty as the rest of us just trying to make it through the day!
I should have done it in my head :( I never swear out loud at my kids… until day before yesterday :(
This post was strangely comforting. Thanks for that.
AMEN! i cuss my kids out when i’m hiding in the pantry while they whine or fight about whatever…
So, I read the entry. I read a few of the comments. Okay, I skimmed. I get the gist of things.
Words are only as powerful as you make them. If you say ‘fuck’ is an unacceptable word, then so be it. If you think it’s a private word that only adults should use, okay, that’s your opinion. Everyone has one.
I’m personally a fan of any word that gets my point across. I use every four letter word around my kids. I use them frequently.
“Don’t be a little bitch.”
It’s absolutely no different than telling her “Don’t be a little twit.”
She’s 12. Because in reference, it means the same thing.
I don’t permit her to use these words in front of me. She’s more than welcome to think them. And I’m sure around her friends she uses them freely. Out of respect, she does not call me a bitch. Out of respect she doesn’t call me a twit either.
I use these words freely around my own mother now that I am thirty. As far as I know she doesn’t judge me for it. I’m an honest person and whatever word gets the point across, or phrase, I’ll use it.
Don’t judge others for the sounds of letters. The pronunciation of one thing over another. Ugh! can mean FUCK! and vice versa. It’s just a different language.
Very appropriate. I have a 12 year old too, and the other day, after hearing her constantly carping on her little brothers in this horrible, bitchy way, I finally exploded and said, “Why are you being such a little bitch???” Now, normally I’d use “twit.” But that time, I couldn’t take it any more…and when she picked up her jaw off the floor in shock I knew I’d made my point. I’m a frequent swearer, although rarely AT the kids, other than, “Can you kids please shut the fuck up?” when I’m trying to work or whatever. Calling her a little bitch was something that shocked her, and she has been working on that attitude ever since. So I agree with you. Words have their own context and place in a situation, and sometimes “fuck” and “bitch” just work better. :)
When my kids were babies, when that book “go the f*ck to sleep” wasn’t even a concept in some suburban dad’s eye, I used to sing to my infants, in my sweetest sleep-deprived, colicky-baby-dealing, singsong voice “sweet little fucker you’ve ruined my life, fucking fucker, sweetling, you’re killing me you fucker…” I figure they only heard the tone and the singsong, and all those f-bombs gave me a few minutes of relief. They’re fine now, by the way: they appear to be genuinely shocked, SHOCKED, when either of their parents swears in their presence (which, now that they’re actual people and not tiny pink blobs we try not to do). This post is brilliant.
Oh that made me laugh so hard…I did it too…
Boy I wish I’d read this post earlier, ’cause I REALLY could have used your technique this afternoon! Maybe then I wouldn’t have this splitting headache that’s keeping me up tonight when everyone else in my house has been asleep for an hour or two or three!
I was feeling so much better after knowing I wasn’t the only one cussing… then i read it is all in the head.
I have cussed at my kids, definately not my proudest moment, and i cuss out loud all the time around them…
am i the only one that does this?
I know it is not the best coping skill but I have to have some kind of vice lol
There is something so soothing about an F-bomb…
….and that makes you the Louis CK of Mom’s. And I say that with the UTMOST respect. I do this ALL the time, and my “kids” are 22. Unfortunately I’ve learned the hard way that voicing these little ditties to them (no matter their age), result in the eye rolling, door slamming, “but but but’s” of life that get the whole of us, absolutely no where…
Just found you, courtesy of Lindsay Ferrier, and glad I did. I needed one more good blog to round out my week of a “blog-a-day, will keep me out of the pyschiatrists’ office”…
I love this! Soooo true and I am guilty of the same. Although I have a habit of thinking out loud that I am working on.
Is it bad that I already did the swearing in my head once today and I haven’t even been home for 24 hours?
OMG, I am too. Can you believe we were just away?!?
You mean at 3am with an infant, you never changed the words of Rockaby Baby to Shut the fuck up?
Harrison is doomed.
PRICELESS. Thank you for saying that aloud, so that the rest of us that were afraid of doing so didn’t feel like utter pariahs anymore. I can curse like a sailor, in two languages now, and I am a fan of the “big words”. Yeah, kids can be serious assholes. Pains in the ass. All kinds of stuff. And I have been exactly in your shoes, singing a profane little refrain featuring choice phrases that aren’t safe for work in my head or under my breath while trying to keep from literally bursting into flames in frustration and rage. God, I look at the title on the tab of this page (“Fuck you, Kids”) and just start giggling insanely, my husband is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. And I have, probably somewhere within the last 10 years or so, after having my second child. Onlies don’t count, you know. ;) Thanks again for the ultra-entertaining read and the personal and moral validation. And tell those hating trolls on FB to STFO and GTFO…without the abbreviation.
Whew! You’re close… I do cuss mine especially when I am running around cleaning like a mad woman and all they can do is make a mess right behind you. “If you don’t sit your little asses down somewhere I will grab whatever I can find and give you the beat down of the century! FUCK!!”
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Well you took the words right out of my mouth. My mother was the same way and now so am I , and finally someone that feels the same.
I’ve recently become a stay at home mom, but in my previous life I taught PreK for 3 years. I had fifteen 3,4 and 5 year olds in various stages of potty training on my roster each year. It’s amazing the coping mechanisms you develop while spending 6.5 hours with other people’s cherubs. (I won’t even get started on the behaviors I worked with and the lame excuses for the behaviors I was given LOL.) After really hard days, once the class was loaded on the buses and I sat down to do some work I would let a string obscenities float out of my mouth and hover over my head and fall down upon me like a gentle, warm spring rain.
Yes, it was that comforting and cathartic. I had some really tough cookies. Now, home with my little guy I slip up once in awhile, but I remember to breathe, and remind myself how lucky I am to be home with him and not 15 other people’s cherubs.
Love this….sometimes I go in the bathroom and run the bath and turn the fan on, then start screaming FUCK, SHIT, FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! Then take a bath with a glass of wine ..:-)
I will admit that I swear silently at my kids and sometimes around them, though not at them. (My kids have a rule which they can repeat to their friends “do not say the words Mommy says when she is watching football or hockey”.) And occasionally….at them….to their faces. Yes, I occasionally lose my temper. I have 4 kids ages DD10, DS8, DS5, and DS2. We live in a small house that we can afford with no carpeting b/c of my oldest son’s severe allergies. So sometimes, it gets LOUD in here. And sometimes, the kids start fighting and I can not get them to stop by simply calling a time out. I have been known to scream at them “STFU!” or “Are you out of your fucking mind?!” when they do something dangerous that scared me. Does that make me a horrible mom? I don’t think so. B/c I also praise their accomplishments, help them with their homework, participate in their classroom activities, etc. I tell them I love them and how proud I am that they are my children constantly. I’m sure I”m going to get raked over the coals for being someone who has occasionally screamed profanities at my children, but guess what? They’re ok! My oldest two are honor students, oldest DS is his swim club’s high point youth champion, my middle son is reading at age 5 when most kids aren’t yet, and my 2 year old is still alive despite his terrible two’s. The kids are alright!
I swear around my daughter but Saturday was a first and hopefully last…I said ” stop being an asshole”… I feel like shit for saying that and i think i thought it and it just fell out of my mouth! I apologized but she WAS being an asshole! lol
When my now teenagers were younger, I would read them bedtime stories like Good night Moon, for instance. My husband was always disruptive and in the middle of reading a sentence I told him to shut the fuck up. My kids started laughing so hard they turned red. Being the awesome mom that I am (and I am AWESOME) I began reading the book a little differently. Good night fucking moon…I did it just to watch them roll off of the bed and laugh and laugh and laugh.
I have 16 yr old and a 13 yr old daughters. With my 16 yr old, from age 13 on I have several times wanted to call her a little B**** or tell her to stop acting like one. I have only said it in my head (so far). I asked some co-workers, “don’t you ever just want to tell you kids to f-off?” And they all agreed that they would, but they only say it in their heads too. Every time my daughters have heard me swear, they are shocked, they say MOM! Then they laugh and tell me not to swear because it doesn’t sound right when I say those words. I think their reaction is hilarious, the little assholes.
Hah! I LOVE this site! Wish I had discovered it sooner. Anyway, on the topic of being a Sweary Mary, I only happened upon this site because I wanted to stop swearing in front of my kids and was googling it the other night. I found this and realised that I am not alone, and the comments on here are hilarious.
I will say though that I can genuinely understand how some people never feel the need to swear at their kids. I have two boys, aged 6 and 7. They are both lovely, but my eldest can behave like the spawn of satan and just doesn’t know when to stop. The youngest is a proper little charmer and I rarely feel even the slightest bit irked at his behaviour. So, I can see from both sides, and it doesn’t make you love your children any less.
Can’t wait to read more.
I love this.
I like to use the little song from South Park (which no, my children do not watch)….
“Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker!”
OMG I love reading this, Im laughing loud. I feel so much better about myself
Hahaha…you’ve just summed up the last 12 years of parenting for me….(swearing under my breath or in my head)….who DOESN’T do that!!! And yes, I also am a loving, protective (and dare I say good) mother who would do anything for her child…
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I found this site today by committing a Mommy sin. I swore at my teenage son. He was not listening. And when I said to him you don’t care do you. He said NO. And I said do you mean that? He said Yes. I said I can’t believe that then I blurted out FU….I felt horrible and still do. I feel like I need meds and he is so angry with me. So now he feels like he did nothing wrong and I did everything wrong. So I think this post holds some key things to it. If I had only thought it as I did twice before I said it. I couldn’t hold it in any longer or so I thought. I was just so mad that he wasn’t my child but an unruly thorn in my side at that point. And now I’m paying the price for my crime. I wish I had read this before that incident.
To the lady that said fu to her teenage son…..quit kicking yourself. If he’s old enough to act like a shit to his mom and tell you he doesn’t care, he’s old enough for strong language. You will live, and so will he. Tell him to quit being a brat. If that’s the worst thing that ever happened to him, he’s a lucky kid. Hugs.
Admittedly I’m in the midst of recuperating from a moment with my duo…hence the reason I googled my desired reaction! Thank you ALL or at least those who do understand for being forthright and unapologetic for being mothers who express actual emotion and frustrations when the role of motherhood is challenged and underestimated.
Again, so thankful for this site, this morning “what the f- where you thinking” and “give me a f-ing break” came out loud and clear. I’m not proud but now I think I can forgive myself because I felt like a horrible mother not only for yelling but for yelling bad words to my kid!
you don’t mind passing your an asshole and you don’t deserve to have those children children are going to be difficult because their children you brought them into this world now you have to take care of them the next time if you don’t want kids keep your damn legs closed
um..wow..! I too say it in my head and sometimes outloud.. my kiddlets are awesome annoying little toads at times.. and none of us have killed each other yet! I LOVE the rules down the side of the blog about NOT judging each other..thats my new favorite thing..apart from this blog:)
Yesterday I was angry with my 5 month old daughter I started screaming and swearing at her like shut the fuck up you ugly bitch! Etc… She was overtired and was screaming making her go hot and barking I couldn’t cope she was in the car seat so I picked it up and swung it in circles?
im gonna pray for you. I know its stressful but youi cant talk to a five year old like that let alone a five month old. Im so sorry if it happened to you but you have the power not to create a better situation for your daughter than your parents created for you. You have the power to stop the cycle of abuse so make the choice to use it. Your daughter is not ugly shes the beautiful precious little girl god blessed you with! Say that to her instead even when you dont feel that way. Say it until you believe it and until she believes?it. God knows youre stressed but he loves you and he loves your daughter and wants the best for both of you. Just tell him youre sorry and qsk him to help ypu. Cause he definitely will!!!
Daniella, the way you felt wasn’t good! For you or your child. She is 5 months old and is in danger if you can’t control your anger. Your uncontrolled anger of screaming “shut the fuck up you ugly bitch” at a 5 month old and swinging her in circles in her carseat is dangerous. Your uncontrolled behaviour will get worse over time and can lead you to do things to harm you or your child. You need help, and its okay to admit you do. It will be hard but you need to make the step of controlling your anger and seek help. Seek help through friends, family, or counselors. Tell them what you did and how you feel. People can help you! Dont be afraid of being temperarely seperated from your child to gain control of your anger, you both will be better off in the log run.You need to correct this immediatly! If there is anything I can do to help you, please contact me, Ruby @ shookumm@hotmail.com
Love this blog, I am so glad I am not the only one that does this! This morning in fact it took all that I had not to say all my my favorite curse words out loud when my kiddo came up to me to say he went pee in the kitchen closet! My God! What the fuck was he thinkin! LOL
I don’t know how parents don’t end up swearing at their kids. My 2 year old can be a total asshole. Sometimes. I usually keep it in my head but every once in a while he does something in particular that just stirs me up and I come right out with it. I feel bad afterwards but if an adult did some of the things he’s done I’d say the same thing not that its right but you know I get pissed. I will in the future do my best to control myself and keep little tirades in my head and not in my mouth because despite the little devils torture he is also on the other spectrum very sweet.
I do it too! I wrote a whole blog on my kids and The Swear Jar!
S@$#t! You Owe Me A Nickel! http://wp.me/2Js8Y
Mostly Sane Mamas recently posted..My Son is an Alien
i get that dealing with kids is a challenge but swearing at them only berates them and makes them disrespect you more. They may not always act it out but secretly they hate you. They see you as the slut of mothers because youre not respectable in their eyes. If you want kids who resent you later on in life and do rebellious things just to get back at you keep cussin at them. It will most likely lead to them smoking pot so you can smell it sex in your bedroom while youre in the house underage drinking and getting physical with you and cursing you back when they feel like it. Kids will only respect you as much as you respect them. They will aim to get back at you for not being the parent they expect ypu to be. Boys especially want a mother they can respect. If they dona.t respect mom other women will be nothing but filthy whores to them and will get treated?as such. Criminals aren.t born they.re made. They will violate nalaws of the land the same way mom violates motherhood. S
I am not sure your tangent makes the slightest bit of sense…..
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im gonna pray for you. I know its stressful but youi cant talk to a five year old like that let alone a five month old. Im so sorry if it happened to you but you have the power to create a better situation for your daughter than your parents created for you. You have the power to stop the cycle of abuse so make the choice to use it. Your daughter is not ugly shes the beautiful precious little girl god blessed you with! Say that to her instead even when you dont feel that way. Say it until you believe it and until she believes it. God knows youre stressed but he loves you and he loves your daughter and wants the best for both of you. Just tell him youre sorry and qsk him to help ypu. Cause he definitely will!!!
LOL! Btdt so many times.
Hmmm, I do it out loud. Fuck it. I have to let it out or I’ll burst. Get real, not all of you commenting here really do just ”say it in your heads”…admit it! ;o)
They’ll survive…they’re happy, fun-loving little rascals. They know when I’m saying naughty words, because they tell me off for it :o)
LOVE IT! I curse too. I don’t think there’s a difference with saying darn, over the word shit. Get over it!
When my 5 year daughter decided to make snow angels in the basement after asking her brother (nicely, I might add) to empty her bean bag chair on the floor. My first words were “Oh my god, seriously”..followed by “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” in my head.. It took all my restraint not to say the words out loud… This was followed the next week with her plugging the basement drain with marbles because she “wanted to make an ocean”..These are the times when I am pretty proud of my true restraint..Believe me the profanity was flowing(in my head) for a very long time..
All the money, fame and fortune in the world would never be enough to take my kids away from me…But god knows I wouldn’t pay a nickle for another one!!
So just because you disagree about cussing at your kids in your head or aloud, *this post is a little hard to understand due to the vague context whether she actually uses the words aloud or only in her head, means your judging people that feel its okay? I read so many comments to the people that disagree with this post that were judged and called self rightoues or liars and to leave this website. The blog is open for replies to the blog, not people judging people on their comments. We all have our opinion and you dont have to like it. And you most definetly dont have to start making judgments cuz they dont agree with you or the blogger. I applaud the moms with self control of their words and thinking. Most moms that use cuss words to or around their children, aloud or in the head, dont feel so proud or like badasses after they do it. And some probably dont think it even matters. My thought is its best to control the thought of cussing at your children, even when they get under your skin. That is me hoping that people only think these thoughts when they’re angry. Of course its easier to do what makes you feel good and to use this tool as a way from doing or saying other things that would harm your child. But thinking can lead to actions too. And some people replied that they do cuss at their children, even calling them cuss words! I do feel there is a difference with cussing aloud and cussing at your child. For ex., “what the fuck happened?” to your child & it is different than saying “you fuck, what happened? I feel theres a difference with context of the cuss words. Verbally calling your child a bitch, ass, fuck, cunt etc can do damage to your child. Image your childs (yes we must remember even when they’re lil asses and bitches they’re children) feelings when the one person that unconditionally loves them called them a foul name. As an adult, I know I would not appreciate anyone calling me a foul name, even when I “deserve” it. We all have our “scary mom” sides but sometimes its best to focus on correcting those sides than applauding them. ~mother of 3; 16, 11, & 2 * blogger states “by thinking these words” and states she wouldnt shout out these words, but she doesnt clearly say she doesn’t use these words while speaking to her children. She does say “from actually saying” but also implies she does cuss at her children. Im just a little confused with the dialogue, but geez, please dont judge me for not understanding.
Oh it is bad for your children. Keep it up and you’ll see cuts on their wrists. Then drugs will roll in and you wont know how to handle that so you’ll throw your problems on someone else and eventually learn you’ve wasted $80,000 by shipping her to a boarding school. Then you’ll get a call from the Hospital saying they found your kid in a ditch covered in dirt and with vomit on their shirt. And eventually they’ll have to be rushed the hospital in the back of an ambulance because they let you know they hate you by cutting their chest open over a dozen times and slitting their wrists open another dozen times. Covered in red liquid holding a knife they’ll tell you I love you then faint. wake up with two men over them in what appears to be an ambulance as they feel several sharp pinches from an IV missing 3 times. Then they’ll leave the hospital with over 50 stitches. And don’t ever, tell your children what they can and can’t do and don’t tell them that they can’t be who they want to be. Or maybe you want to come home one day to find one of your kids with a electrical cord around their neck as they hang from the ceiling with a pale face and blank stare. You sure don’t wanna find them 10 minutes after they hanged themselves and you give CPR and get a pulse but its too late because they are brain dead. then the rest of your life you’ll ask yourself everyday, what if I got there sooner, what if I could have saved her. That’s not the greatest. I’ve seen it, and I am it.
There is a LOT of drama over what you can and can’t say to your kids on here. Let me remind you that these short people will one day pick your retirement home.
You’re all idiotic. Is this news? Of course everyone is like “oh man, I totally do that too! Wahht” it’s a fucking thought process. Were humans(not just moms)We think sometimes. Surprising, I know.its certainly not this fun secret game where I playfully say violent and well thought out curses. That’s fucked up. But to be frustrated and express your emotions in your head like a normal person doesn’t keep you from doing something. It’s not a “tactic”. It’s human nature and a pretty natural reaction to a frustrating situation. So,applaud someone for pointing out the fucking obvious.
I’m not shocked that some moms curse their kids in their own internal dialogue when they are having a tough time. what amazes me is not the post, its the response to it. When two ladies here tried to say that cursing is not a good response, and that one should try and deal with the difficulties and frustrations in a more productive and constructive way, they were immediately labeled as ‘judgmental’ by the majority of the swearing moms….those same swearing moms themselves became immensely judgmental and defensive, insisting that it was better to swear in one’s head then to do it to the kid’s face. they then undermined their own logic by admitting that they often curse out loud and their kids pick up on it and have learned all sort of verbal garbage and ‘oh isnt it cute when it comes out of a two-year old’s mouth?’
what i will say is this – no one is perfect, but as a higher species we should always aim to raise the bar and improve ourselves constantly. to this end, refining our language and deleting all foul words from it would be a great start. i havent used an F-word or anything else in that category for decades now. not out loud, not in my head. there is no need to when you realise that there are plenty of other, less offensive words that will do the same job. in our house, the worst words that the kids utter is ‘idiot’, ‘stupid’, and ‘dummy’. They have never heard foul words from their parents, relatives etc. so they dont use them. they have heard them in school and on TV in other people’s homes, but they know that such words are beyond the limits, and they know better than to cross the limits. I am sure that will change when they are older, all kids experiment and challenge the limits, but I am confident that that phase will die out when they’ve had enough and their own ears start to find it an ugly and abhorrent corruption of a beautiful language. why use coarse and uncouth words and pollute the atmosphere with them? I’m not a saint, believe me, I’m actually thinking about hiring a counsellor for me and my son, because while our good days are awesome, our bad days are pure hell. We are both under a lot of stress, and life is testing us to the limits, and we need help. But at least I have acknowledged that I need help and am not exulting in my own weaknesses and flaws. Yes, we are all flawed, but lets not turn it into a celebration, lets work to get rid of those flaws; that’s when we will really have something to celebrate.