10 Murphy’s Laws Of Taking Kids To The Movies

1. Someone will sit behind you and put their feet on your chair, kick your chair throughout the movie or otherwise bump, bang into, relentlessly press against, or otherwise take their aggression out on the back of your seat. I have to always assume it’s a CHILD behind me and their parent is oblivious to what their kid’s feet might be doing, so I roll out a number of techniques to make my chair as unappealing as possible. These range from bouncing back and forth in my seat in attempt to shimmy their feet off, to quickly turning my head to the side to shoot angry dagger eyes that almost but not entirely reach their intended recipient (I’m not an owl).

2. During the trailers before the film starts, anytime a character references the word ‘butt,’ (and it WILL happen), kids will laugh and then repeat ‘butt’ out loud (or, ‘HE SAID BUTT’ or ‘HAHA BUTT’) and then there’s a lot of parental shushing and you won’t be able to hear whatever came next on-screen.

3. If you had the good sense to do any pre-movie planning, you figured out that your tiny handbag somehow manages to hold bags and bags of theatre contraband that you could easily smuggle inside. Trail mix, crackers, cookies, string cheese, bottles of water, fruit snacks, sub sandwiches, key lime pies, throw it all in there, moms and dads. Pay for treats at the counter? NOT THIS TIME, Regal Cinemas. NOT. THIS TIME.

4. The more time you spend seeking out a seat without someone behind you that appears to be eating (because maybe you didn’t want to eat or maybe the noise bothers you, or whatever),the more likely someone will be to walk in at the last second with crinkly candy wrappers and a drum of popcorn.

5. If you’re watching a film in 3D, some kid will always try and grab stuff that’s ‘floating’ on the screen. Actually, most kids will.

6. If you’ve managed to remember to have YOUR kids go to the bathroom before the movie starts, you will inexplicably be seated in the middle of a row filled only with children whose bladders have not been emptied in the past 48 hours. Wear closed toed shoes.

7. Your child will want an ICEE. They will get one-and-a-half sips of liquid, then they will loudly suck air bubbles through a straw for the rest of the movie while you shush them, because that’s what good parents do.

8. The younger the child, the more questions they will ask during the movie. You’ll nod at everything just to get them to stop asking questions. You have no idea what they’re asking.

9. No matter how good or how bad the movie was that you JUST saw, your child will declare it THE BEST MOVIE EVAR and talk about it incessantly for the rest of the night.

10. There will be a pop quiz on your favorite and least favorite parts of the movie, so do yourself a favor and take good mental notes.

Related post: 10 Murphy’s Laws of Parenting Young Kids

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Dynamom is lighting up the internet with a sensible flameless candle. Follow her on Twitter, chat with her on Facebook or follow her blog, The Dynamom.


Lish Dish 1 year ago

Bathroom TRIPS!!!!!!

Edith Eddie Root 1 year ago

We rent at home, cheaper and easier on my nerves!
Hubby and I went to movies a couple weeks ago…. People annoy me!
More. And more. Every.day!

Nicole Slaughter 1 year ago

i had butter put on my popcorn and the kids said ‘EWWW, IT’S GREASY!” and they wouldn’t eat it. i had a whole tub to myself! :)

Kimberly Paradis 1 year ago

awe yes the loud gasp, shock followed by ‘BUTTS’ giggle and shout then repeat… my granddaughter did this when we saw Brave and the 3 little bare butts ran across the screen. it was hilarious!!! <3 it :)

Karen Phillips 1 year ago

My 3 year old has already learned that we ONLY buy popcorn at the movies. Mama brings in water and “secret candy.” We stop at the grocery store first to choose our contraband and he knows we “can’t tell the movie theater people about it.” I learned after the first visit to the theater when it cost over $20 for popcorn and candy for the “free” kid’s movie day.

Jennifer Knuff 1 year ago

Regarding butter on the popcorn, ask the person to layer the butter for you so that it’s not just on the top six pieces :)

Micheal Gillispie Cupples 1 year ago

How about …you just paid a fortune to be someplace for 90 minutes that leaves you wishing you’d had a root canal scheduled that day.

Rebecca Wilber 1 year ago

All of those are so true! I now go to movies waaaayyyyy after they opened…. i just dont have the patience for these stupid people. I want to kill them all.

Ann Mitarotonda Rubendall 1 year ago

Luckily, in my area they have free movie days in the summer and offer discounted soda and popcorn for the kids. Older movies, but best place to try out my 3 year olds movie tolerance before I spent a small fortune.

Jenny Murphy Elkjer 1 year ago

Kate Renninger Finley this makes me feel so guilty and also…we need to take the kids and see another movie lol

Sara Petrick 1 year ago

Except my kids have better bladder control than I do :/

Sara Petrick 1 year ago


Mary 1 year ago

Ooooh yes. And I have teens.

Best movie moment ever tho… At a crucial instant in Frozen, when everyone else in the theater was gasping and bursting into tears… My 14 leaned over and whispered to me and his sister … “Annnnd…. there goes the ginger’s soul”

We were trying desperately to smother giggles through the rest of the movie.

Jennifer Clark Jones 1 year ago

# 12: if your kids cannot sit through anything at home, please do not take them to movies! My two youngest this is the rule of thumb (aged 4 and 1). My oldest, however is actually awesome thorough movies. (Aged 10).

Suzy Weinberg Snyder 1 year ago

I always smuggle stuff into the movies water candy. Not paying 4 bucks for the same candy I can buy at the dollar store for a dollar. End up buying to popcorn though but if we don’t refill the large bucket I take it home to reuse it next time to get my refill. For $8 for popcorn I am going to get my refill :)

Chelsea Hopson 1 year ago

Mine pee every 10 minutes, can’t sit in their seats, talk loud, and kick other people’s seats! It’s a nightmare! We rarely go to the movies. We do like the drive in though. It’s a fun alternative!

Barbara Johnson 1 year ago

#3 was my favorite!

Mb Lavoie 1 year ago

So don’t do it; you’re the parent, remember? You’re allowed to set boundaries and dictate the social activities

Helen Russo 1 year ago

#6 with.out.fail! And regardless of going before the movie starts MY kid, and well, me too, is THAT kid.
Except for that, thus far, mine has been pretty good, though also because of that, I’ll wait for the DVD thankyouverymuch!

Wanda Clark 1 year ago

5 minutes after ICEE is consumed, child will be unable to sit still for the duration of the movie and you’ll sit there wondering WHY did I give my child blue kiddie crack when I need him to stay calm and seated for 112 minutes, why why why???

JoAnne Dietrich 1 year ago

That is why we watch movies at home.

Tenisha Ashley Lebeau 1 year ago

My kids are the ones that pee every ten minutes. Sorry toes!!!

Maria Vega 1 year ago

3,8 & 9!


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