10 Murphy’s Laws Of Taking Kids To The Movies

23 Comments
kids-at-movie Image via Shutterstock

1. Someone will sit behind you and put their feet on your chair, kick your chair throughout the movie or otherwise bump, bang into, relentlessly press against, or otherwise take their aggression out on the back of your seat. I have to always assume it’s a CHILD behind me and their parent is oblivious to what their kid’s feet might be doing, so I roll out a number of techniques to make my chair as unappealing as possible. These range from bouncing back and forth in my seat in attempt to shimmy their feet off, to quickly turning my head to the side to shoot angry dagger eyes that almost but not entirely reach their intended recipient (I’m not an owl).

2. During the trailers before the film starts, anytime a character references the word ‘butt,’ (and it WILL happen), kids will laugh and then repeat ‘butt’ out loud (or, ‘HE SAID BUTT’ or ‘HAHA BUTT’) and then there’s a lot of parental shushing and you won’t be able to hear whatever came next on-screen.

3. If you had the good sense to do any pre-movie planning, you figured out that your tiny handbag somehow manages to hold bags and bags of theatre contraband that you could easily smuggle inside. Trail mix, crackers, cookies, string cheese, bottles of water, fruit snacks, sub sandwiches, key lime pies, throw it all in there, moms and dads. Pay for treats at the counter? NOT THIS TIME, Regal Cinemas. NOT. THIS TIME.

4. The more time you spend seeking out a seat without someone behind you that appears to be eating (because maybe you didn’t want to eat or maybe the noise bothers you, or whatever),the more likely someone will be to walk in at the last second with crinkly candy wrappers and a drum of popcorn.

5. If you’re watching a film in 3D, some kid will always try and grab stuff that’s ‘floating’ on the screen. Actually, most kids will.

6. If you’ve managed to remember to have YOUR kids go to the bathroom before the movie starts, you will inexplicably be seated in the middle of a row filled only with children whose bladders have not been emptied in the past 48 hours. Wear closed toed shoes.

7. Your child will want an ICEE. They will get one-and-a-half sips of liquid, then they will loudly suck air bubbles through a straw for the rest of the movie while you shush them, because that’s what good parents do.

8. The younger the child, the more questions they will ask during the movie. You’ll nod at everything just to get them to stop asking questions. You have no idea what they’re asking.

9. No matter how good or how bad the movie was that you JUST saw, your child will declare it THE BEST MOVIE EVAR and talk about it incessantly for the rest of the night.

10. There will be a pop quiz on your favorite and least favorite parts of the movie, so do yourself a favor and take good mental notes.

Related post: 10 Murphy’s Laws of Parenting Young Kids

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 4

    says

    5 minutes after ICEE is consumed, child will be unable to sit still for the duration of the movie and you’ll sit there wondering WHY did I give my child blue kiddie crack when I need him to stay calm and seated for 112 minutes, why why why???

    Show Replies
  2. 5

    says

    #6 with.out.fail! And regardless of going before the movie starts MY kid, and well, me too, is THAT kid.
    Except for that, thus far, mine has been pretty good, though also because of that, I’ll wait for the DVD thankyouverymuch!

    Show Replies
  3. 9

    says

    I always smuggle stuff into the movies water candy. Not paying 4 bucks for the same candy I can buy at the dollar store for a dollar. End up buying to popcorn though but if we don’t refill the large bucket I take it home to reuse it next time to get my refill. For $8 for popcorn I am going to get my refill :)

    Show Replies
  4. 11

    Mary says

    Ooooh yes. And I have teens.

    Best movie moment ever tho… At a crucial instant in Frozen, when everyone else in the theater was gasping and bursting into tears… My 14 leaned over and whispered to me and his sister … “Annnnd…. there goes the ginger’s soul”

    We were trying desperately to smother giggles through the rest of the movie.

    Show Replies
  5. 19

    says

    My 3 year old has already learned that we ONLY buy popcorn at the movies. Mama brings in water and “secret candy.” We stop at the grocery store first to choose our contraband and he knows we “can’t tell the movie theater people about it.” I learned after the first visit to the theater when it cost over $20 for popcorn and candy for the “free” kid’s movie day.

    Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>