Being pregnant with twins is a fantastic thing. You get two babies to love, two babies to squeeze, and pants that kind of fit when everything’s over. My twins have been a great gift to our household. They’re adorable, smart, and only try to burn the house down once a week. It used to be a daily thing, but me and the husband put our collective foot down and insisted that fires are not only dangerous, but that our curtains look like old dishtowels already, so could they please stop?
At any rate, while our house looks a little like where garage sale items go to die, my pregnancy with the twins was beautiful. The only thing that always got me was the things people tended to say to me, in an effort to make things extremely awkward.
Here, I’ve compiled some of my absolute favorites:
1. “Are you having twins?”
2. “I was talking to Bob in accounting. You know Bob? Well, we agreed you’re having twins because no one could be that big.”
3. “Do they have the same father?”
4. “The company elevator’s out. Did you ride it this morning?
5. “I can tell you’re having trouble finding things that fit. Is that a tent from Bass Pro Shop?”
6. “Here’s a bag of Skittles. You’re probably hungry all the time.”
7. “My sister had twins. She died of sleep deprivation. We really miss her.”
8. “I just know I couldn’t afford it, but I’m sure you guys will be fine. I saw Ramen went on sale again.”
9. “My mom had twins. She cries at really awkward times.”
10. “I’m a twin. This is how my mom always tells my birth story…. ”
Of course, the safest thing to say to a pregnant woman is absolutely nothing. Unless you have chocolate. Chocolate absolves a multitude of sins.
And afterwards, don’t try to touch the belly. That’s a great way to lose a hand.