10 Things Never To Say To Someone Carrying Twins

110 Comments

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Being pregnant with twins is a fantastic thing. You get two babies to love, two babies to squeeze, and pants that kind of fit when everything’s over. My twins have been a great gift to our household. They’re adorable, smart, and only try to burn the house down once a week. It used to be a daily thing, but me and the husband put our collective foot down and insisted that fires are not only dangerous, but that our curtains look like old dishtowels already, so could they please stop?

At any rate, while our house looks a little like where garage sale items go to die, my pregnancy with the twins was beautiful. The only thing that always got me was the things people tended to say to me, in an effort to make things extremely awkward.

Here, I’ve compiled some of my absolute favorites:

1. “Are you having twins?”

2. “I was talking to Bob in accounting. You know Bob? Well, we agreed you’re having twins because no one could be that big.”

3. “Do they have the same father?”

4. “The company elevator’s out. Did you ride it this morning?

5. “I can tell you’re having trouble finding things that fit. Is that a tent from Bass Pro Shop?”

6. “Here’s a bag of Skittles. You’re probably hungry all the time.”

7. “My sister had twins. She died of sleep deprivation. We really miss her.”

8. “I just know I couldn’t afford it, but I’m sure you guys will be fine. I saw Ramen went on sale again.”

9. “My mom had twins. She cries at really awkward times.”

10. “I’m a twin. This is how my mom always tells my birth story…. ”

Of course, the safest thing to say to a pregnant woman is absolutely nothing. Unless you have chocolate. Chocolate absolves a multitude of sins.

And afterwards, don’t try to touch the belly. That’s a great way to lose a hand.

Comments

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  1. 1

    My Half Assed Life says

    So it’s kind of like the awkward of a woman pregnant with one – times ten?

    I had actually hoped to have twins – my grandfather was a twin and I thought it would be pretty nice to only go through diapers and potty training once. Plus – two kids interested in the same things at the same time seemed a lot easier for things like amusement parks and vacations. It didn’t happen though. Maybe for my cousin who is expecting this year.

    I hated when people felt the need to fondle my belly. Absolutely freaking hated it.

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    • 2

      zinkemom says

      I have 8 year old twins. I am able now to look back and think about how easy I had it compared to my friends that have kids 2-3 years apart. Diapers only lasted 3 years. Terrible two’s only lasted 2 years. I didn’t have to hoard baby clothes, toys, and furniture for the next kid. As soon as we were done with stuff I was able to sell or donate it and move onto the next stage.

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    • 3

      Brandy says

      That’s funny…two kids interested in the same things at the same time. My boys are 16 months old and they try on a daily basis to kill each other. When they aren’t going at it, they are trying to annoy the hell out of their big sister. I can’t imagine them ever on the same page…EVER! It sounds like a wonderful dream place that I can only imagine…where everyone gets along and we spend a peaceful vacation as a family. One can dream…

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    • 4

      Jessica Cobb (@DomesticPirate) says

      I’d hoped for twins with my first and second pregnancies, was terrified of having them my third, and now that we’re on our fourth (and last) I wish I could have had the experience. C’est la vie.

      And the belly fondle is never okay. Especially if it’s accompanied by a fervent religious prayer…

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    • 5

      Paige Kellerman says

      The belly fondle is, indeed, a dangerous area to tread. Most people I met while pregnant still have most of their fingers though. So you could say I was lenient.

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  2. 7

    Cynthia says

    Both of the times I has twins I always heard, “you look like you swallowed a beach ball!” That didn’t help! The fun comments during pregnancy only got worse after the babies were born. Some people just don’t think.

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      • 9

        zinkemom says

        My twins are boy/girl and look nothing alike. Even after the kids point out to people that they have the same birthday and Sis is two minutes older than Brother people still ask “Are they twins?” DUH

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        • 10

          Brandy says

          I have the boys, age 16 months and their sister, age 29 months. We have a triple stroller and I always get “are they triplets?” Ummm…she is a foot taller than the boys! What the hell do you think? Duh!

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          • 11

            Amanda says

            My girls are two years apart, and I STILL get the, “Are they twins?” question! If the youngest’s twin had survived, I’m sure I’d be getting the exact same question.

            To be fair, she’s rather tall for a four-year-old, but there’s still a half a foot difference in their height.

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          • 12

            tara says

            I have a 5yo 4yo and 3yo boys and I get asked if they are triplets … All.the.friggin.time. hello ppl stop and think about that for just one second pls.

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    • 14

      Paige Kellerman says

      I only got the beach ball comment one or two times. This was one or two times too many, Cynthia. Besides, who eats beach balls anymore? It’s so passe’.

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  3. 18

    Stacy says

    I never had twins but was at the boardwalk when 7mo preg with #2 and a grandmother who was there with her 4 grandchildren and either her daughter or DIL asked me if I was having twins. When I said no she looked shocked and said “are you sure”?

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  4. 27

    Sarah says

    I have 5 month old twin girls and it really only got bad for me when I was near the end of my “twin pregnancy” but far off from my actual due date. People would ask and I’d have to tell them, then they’d look at my quizzically and then I’d have to explain I was having twins.

    I also find it worse now that they’re here. Everyone stares in wonder at them and tells me it must be such a blessing. Yeah, I’d think that too except that when one is being fed and the other is screaming I want to rip my hair out.

    The other day someone actually asked me if they were the same age. I just wonder about people sometimes…

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    • 28

      Paige Kellerman says

      Oh, girl, the five month stage was truly difficult. They can’t really sit up, feed themselves, or sing show tunes to keep you entertained.

      I used to cry when they were crying because I could only feed one at a time. We made a really adorable pack of people crying at each other.

      Buy a lot of beer, push through it, and keep your head up. They get bigger, start doing things for themselves, and telling you what they think …scratch that last one. Be thankful they can’t talk yet. You’re doing a great job. Hang in there…:)

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  5. 29

    Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog says

    I love you Paige. I didn’t have twins, but apparently was unreasonably fat because I got asked it all the time. One woman insisted that I must be eating too much because I was way too big. FML…

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    • 30

      Andrea says

      I’m 37 weeks now, and I get asked all the time too, with the raised eyebrow and followup, “You’re sure about that?”, and then the “Wow, you’re huge”. Really?!? PFO! No belly molesters, thankfully, ’cause someone would be losing a hand.

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      • 31

        Paige Kellerman says

        You know, Andrea, I’d never believe people would have it in them to just come right out and say, “You’re huge.” But, verbal diarrhea is a real thing. And, unfortunately, some people chronic cases.

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  6. 33

    Julie says

    For me it wasn’t so much the comments I got when I was pregnant with my b/g twins but the comments after like “Are they identical?”, “My kids were 13 months apart so I know exactly what it’s like to have twins.”, “Oh, twins would be so much fun!”. People, you have NO idea what you’re talking about. Back off or someone’s gonna get hurt.

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    • 34

      Cynthia says

      I got all of those same questions with my boy/ girl twins too! My favorite one was “are they identical?” I pointed out that they had one part in their diaper that made them not so identical. That usually got them.

      I get more sympathy now that my older set is in college. Everyone can relate to how expensive college is.

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    • 35

      Nickie S. says

      Oh how I love other twin moms! The ‘my kids are 13 months apart’ thing always made me so mad! I think I could write a book on stupid shit people have said to me. My twins are 4 now, and though it doesn’t happen as much, I still get the occasional dumb comment.

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    • 36

      Jessica Cobb (@DomesticPirate) says

      On the flip side, my boys are 21 months apart and people ask me constantly if they’re twins; and no, they aren’t the same size or even have the same hair/eye color. For real people?! Doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, people are awesome…

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    • 37

      Paige Kellerman says

      Julie, I too have boy/girl twins and get asked if they’re identical. I’m not so much shocked at the question anymore, as I am the vast number on the pie chart that doesn’t know what Identical means. Very curious.

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    • 38

      Kim says

      I’m currently prego with identical twins (1 placenta, 2 sacs), and have a nearly 3 yr old dtr — People are asking me all the time – “So are you having a boy and a girl???” It’s hard some times to not make them feel like an idiot – Ummm IDENTICAL!!!!! (btw – they’re boys) And the ’13 months apart – just like having twins’ — yup, getting that one too!!! And in my head I’m encouraging them to run because they don’t know crap!

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  7. 39

    Kelly says

    When I was pregnant with my twins someone told me I looked as big as Kate Gosselin was pregnant with sextuplets :/. Thing is- I probably was… I gave birth at 38 week with 2 boys, one was 6.15 and the other, 7.5!

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    • 40

      Kady says

      My girls were 7lbs 7oz and 8lbs 4oz delivered at 38 weeks. I have the BEST photo of my massiveness – I swear teachers could use it in health class to teach the kids why NOT to have sex ;)

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    • 41

      Paige Kellerman says

      My son was 7 lbs and my daughter was 7.5. We probably both looked huge. The awesome thing is there are so many people out there willing to reassure you you’re huge. I get all fuzzy thinking about it.

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  8. 42

    Tara says

    I have twins-a boy and a girl. So when we are out and about people ask me if they’re identical. So I say, “no. He has a penis.” They run away after that LOL

    Tara

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  9. 43

    Sarah G says

    The funniest thing anyone ever said to me about having twins was well after they were born. Coming out of a drug store with two 18 month olds in tow a older gentleman stopped us to admire them and tell me he himself was a twin. He said his mother had no idea she was having twins until they were born. Upon hearing her crying from behind the curtain separating them the woman in the next bed told her, “Don’t worry hon, one of them usually dies.” He then said, “My brother and I still argue about which one of us is dead! hahaha!”

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    • 44

      Paige Kellerman says

      LOL …Sarah, if that story wasn’t so ridiculous on the morbid scale, it would’ve made me cry. I’ve heard so many other family’s twin stories, I feel like I should get twice as many Christmas cards than I do.

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  10. 45

    Regina says

    What mean things people musta said to you! :(

    You never should say those things to a pregnant women, let alone one having twins. Ya might think them, but how insenstive to say them out loud.

    I considered doing Kung-Fu on anyone who tried to touch my belly.

    Oh the birth stories people share with pregnant women. Seriously. Especially sharing gory details with a first time preggers, not cool. People need a muzzle sometimes.

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    • 46

      Paige Kellerman says

      I think it’s probably a knee-jerk reaction to seeing a woman as big as a Volkswagen. But, you’re right. Not cool. I knew I was as big as a car. Beep Beep.

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  11. 47

    Wen says

    Memorable moment of my twin pregnancy: From his seat in the shooping cart, my two year old asked the deli clerk “Want to see my mom’s girls?” Then proceeded to whip up the front of my maternity top.

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  12. 51

    Amanda says

    My twin boys are 8 years old and I might have been offended by something someone said while I was pregnant, but they sucked out all the viable brain cells while they were gestating and I obviously don’t remember a thing. I get the people now who are completely shocked they’re twins. Really? Because they look quite a bit alike & they’re the same size & they announced their birth order when they entered the room!

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    • 52

      Nickie S. says

      This made me giggle. My twins look nothing alike. One is a red head, short and a bit chunky. The other is a tall, slim brunette. People have made all kinds of comments including “But they look nothing alike!” Two eggs, two different kids, people. My singletons don’t look alike either….

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        • 55

          Debbie says

          Someone LIED to you. College = 2x the bills, 2x the laundry and weird charges on my credit card.
          Not to mention that I thought I was already through the stage where they thought they knew everything and I was an idiot(with a credit card and gas money).

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  13. 56

    Ashlee says

    I didn’t have twins but my youngest two kids are 55 weeks apart. Yes…youngest two, there’s one more. People constantly ask if they’re twins to which I often reply ‘Did you fail biology?’

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    • 57

      Paige Kellerman says

      I just entered the three child club myself. Maybe it’s not a club so much as a support group? I think people like to take a shot in the dark and just hope random kids are twins? I have no other theories on this strange phenomena .

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  14. 58

    Cara (Twinthusiast) says

    Haha. I think the worst comments were “my friend’s friend” NICU stories…and then the comments of course only keep coming once the kids are out!

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    • 59

      Paige Kellerman says

      Anymore “My friend’s friend stories” and I would’ve curled in a ball and refused to budge. Those are always traumatizing. I should’ve added that: Stop telling traumatizing stories to pregnant women. They don’t like it. Stop it. Fo Shizzle.

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