Texting Your Teen, A Lesson of What NOT To Do



I was walking a friend through the process of setting up a Facebook account and had just said, “The most important thing to know is that everything you post on your wall or anyone else’s can be viewed by everyone who likes you,” when a little popup appeared notifying me that my 13 year old son Keenan had updated his status.

“Keenan is horny.”

“I’ll call you back,” I said.

I reread Keenan’s status and saw that his younger brother’s friend had already read and commented on Keenan’s status with, “Wow.” Panic set in as I begin imagining all of the parents of our kids’ friends reading about my 13 year old son’s desire to have sex with their daughters. I started to write a comment of my own that went something like this, “You are soooooo grounded you…”, but remembered reading an article about Facebook no-nos if you want your kids not to hide their account from you and decided against it.

Instead, I formulated a brilliant plan. One that would mortify my son beyond words. One that would cause him to think these things through in the future and NEVER embarrass himself or his loving mother on Facebook again.

I picked up my cell phone and with a grin that maker’s the Joker’s look pretty, I texted him these four words, “How horny are you?”

I could barely contain my giggles.

That’s right kid. Don’t ever underestimate the reach of a mother’s eyes.

Within seconds, Quick Draw Mcgraw hit me back with, “WHAT????????”

As if. Now I was fuming. How dare that little twit act like he didn’t know anything about it. I could see his circle face in my head. That’s the one where his eyes and his mouth are all open at perfectly gaping proportions causing him to look like he has three circles on his face. That is his lying face. Every. Single. Time.

Feeling quite smug, I texted him back, “I saw what you posted on Facebook.”

He responded with, “What are you TALKING about???????????????????????”

It was at this point I began to feel a little tightness in my chest and my breathing started to get more labored than the day I delivered him because this one tiny thought popped into my little pee brain. Is it possible he didn’t post it?

I sheepishly texted him, “Ummmmmm. You see, your Facebook update says you are….well, ummmmm, you know….horny.”

Then there is a mortifyingly long wait and I get this text. “OMG. I would NEVER put that on my Facebook. My friend did it. I checked my Facebook on his phone and forgot to log out. OMG. I can’t believe you text me that.”

Sweet blindness causing mother texts. My unsuspecting teen was walking along innocently with his friends, all smiley faced and happy to be alive, when he looked down and without any provocation or warning, received a text from his mother asking, “How horny are you?”

I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering how in God’s name my child would ever be able to look me in the face again without needing to run to the bathroom and empty the contents of his most recent meal. I picked him up at his bus stop and was encouraged to see that he made eye contact with me without turning three shades of green as he departed the bus.

He tossed his backpack into the back of the car, came around to the front, opened the door, took one look at my, “I am such an idiot” face and busted out laughing until tears were streaming down his face. I joined in and we sat there for several minutes laughing so hard we could barely breath. Which was clearly fake laughter intended to ensure we didn’t have to speak to each other. We didn’t.

As I drifted off to sleep that night, I kept thinking the same thing over and over again, “No 13 year old boy should EVER receive a text from his mother saying, ‘How horny are you?’”

This post is the post that started Ooph. Well, more precisely, it is the moment that made me realize parenting teens was not something I was going to be naturally good at. I would need to study, do homework and most importantly, rethink every text I would ever send to my teens EVER again.


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  1. 13

    Lisa P says

    I probably would have done the same exact thing. I would have felt so good that I had my son shaking in his boots. I can imagine his horror at reading it and not knowing what you were talking about. Too funny!

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  2. 15

    Penny Roach says

    Bahahahahaha!!!!! That is absolutely hysterical and probably EXACTLY what I would have done. My son is almost 14 and carries around his prized possession (an I-Phone 4S that he paid for) but thankfully, he does NOT have a Facebook page. Doesn’t want one. Although I “overheard” he and his friends discussing Twitter. Oy vey!!

    Very funny post!!

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  3. 17

    Natasha says

    OMG! This is so funny! I would die if I got a text like that from my mom and I would absolutely die if I sent a text like that to my son and he wasn’t responsible for the FB status update. It’s so funny how we as parents assume the worst.

    This should be a lesson learned for all of us – don’t use your friend’s phone to do anything. Use your own or wait until you get home. :)

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  4. 19

    Lindsay says

    Laughing so hard my tea almost came out of my nose! Thank you for the comic relief on a busy day! And for the reminder to ask before I react to a weird post on my daughter’s Facebook page!!! ….still giggling!!!!

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  5. 21

    Jenny says

    Did he ever tell you what theories he had when he received your text!? I wonder if he initially thought you intended to send it to someone else! I’m assuming that until that moment, you both were still entertaining notions that the other one didn’t even KNOW that word!

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  6. 31

    mothermayI says

    I have posted on my 13-yr old’s FB wall. Things like “Why are you on-line…get back to homework” etc., always followed by smileys and plenty of love ; ) Our agreement for her even using FB was that mom has the password, and would be checking ‘in’ from time to time. Deal was struck. She uses FB at home, when I’m there. I disagree with walking around on eggshells with your kids so as to avoid them going behind your back. You can have an open, honest, and respectful relationship if you want to.

    My teen has a cell phone, but its only with her when shes not with me, and doesn’t go to school. It’s not a smart phone and WiFi isn’t available on it. She has accepted that and she will go on living. Seems to make things less complicated…which I am all about. :D

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  7. 33

    Rina says

    I can tell you the best story on how to embrass your teenage boy with just you two in the car….

    As my 14 yo and I were in the car one evening driving through a parking at the local Wally World he spotted a bumper sticker and he giggled and made the comment that he liked that bumper sticker.
    The sticker said “SAVE THE TA-TA’S”

    I in my quick wit, turned to him and asked “What do you know about Ta-Ta’s?” He turned to me with a horrid look on his face and before he could say a word I responded again with “And who’s Ta-Ta’s are you interestedin?”
    Now this made him turn 50 shades of RED and responded with a “MOM!!”

    I knew right then and there I was doing my job as a mother of a hormone enraged teenage boy!

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  8. 40

    Phyllis says

    That is hysterical! I would have died! I don’t know what I would have said or done! I will learn from your experience as my son is only 11, but the question of getting a FB account has been brought up many, many times and I have dodged the bullet each time. Now my oldest daughter is on Twitter and I swear, sometimes I feel like I am reading her diary! She has yet to learn that I am reading it, because yes… I am afraid she will block me. I keep a very safe distance. We have had the “what you post online will remain online indefinitely” discussion and with her being in High School now, I am pretty confident she understands the severity of some of her postings, but I have to also have to have a level of trust in her with regards to internet actions. My parents thought it was hard back in the 70’s-90’s…try the 2013’s!

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  9. 42

    Carolyn West says

    So funny. Not sure it would translate to a daughter, though. My new teen (for all of 2 weeks) still doesn’t want to have anything to do with Facebook. Wondering how long I can keep that going.

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