10 Tips For Being The Daughter-in-Law Your MIL Wants

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mother-in-law Image via Shutterstock

Dear Daughter-in-Law,

I’ve seen all the do-this-don’t-do-that lists for mother-in-laws, and I do try to abide by them. But if you and I are truly going to get along, then there are some handy little “rules” that you need to follow as well.

Ready?

1. Don’t tell me how I “am welcome any time” and then rant on your social media thingie about how I am “always at your house and up in your business. If you don’t mean any time, then don’t say it. I didn’t realize I’d need to make an appointment to see my own child and grandchildren, but if that’s what it takes to keep us copacetic, then that’s what I’ll do. I fully realize that dropping by without calling first is rude, but for some reason, you never seem to answer the phone. So…

2. Answer the damn phone! I am not a telemarketer trying to sell you carpet shampoo. I am the mother of your spouse, grandmother to your children, and you could at least give me the respect of picking up the phone, if only to say, “Sorry Diane, I’ve got my hands full and can’t talk right now.

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3. As much as I adore my grandchildren, I am not your free ticket to eternal childcare. Contrary to what you may think, I do have a life of my own. If you want me to watch the kids for you, I’m sure I’d probably be delighted. But you DO need to ask first with plenty of notice, so that I can rearrange my schedule if needed and stock up on groceries. If you expect me to respect your time and space, (see #1), please extend me the same courtesy. I promise to answer the phone when you call.

4. Act like the adult you purport to be, and don’t bitch about me behind my back. I’m sure that my child doesn’t like being put in the middle any more than YOU would, so if you have a problem with me, put your big girl panties on and come talk to ME about it.

5. Passive-aggressiveness is still aggressive. (Not to mention rude.) Don’t tell me how nice my house looks, followed immediately by some snide comment about you would rather take more time to enjoy your children instead of cleaning. You have toddlers. I don’t; I did my time. It’s a pretty simple concept. My clean house is not an automatic slam against your housekeeping skills in your own house. Defensive much?

6. Don’t buy me clothes or decor for gifts, if they are drastically different than what I own. I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I think it’s pretty clear that we shop from radically different catalogs. Gift certificates or something the kids made is perfectly acceptable and appreciated. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my kitchen doesn’t have a single red rooster in it, so I’m not exactly sure where you expect me to put all this barnyard memorabilia you keep buying me…

7. It’s my money, so please let me spend it. If I want to lavish my grandchildren with gifts, it’s because I love them and I have the ability to do so. It’s not to shame you for not being able to match me dollar for dollar.

8. I want my son/daughter to be happy and have a happy marriage, but know this: I am the mother. I will always be the mother. If by death, divorce, or desertion, you two were to ever be separated, I will still be here to pick up the pieces. Your own children will grow up one day, and you will understand this.

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9. Speaking of, you DO realize that I successfully produced an offspring that grew into such an amazing adult that YOU decided to marry and have children with…right? I may not be up on all the current parenting trends and psychological research, but by your own standards in mate selection, I must have done something right. You don’t have to hang on every word I say, and please forgive me if you think I’m overstepping with the unsolicited advice, but I have YEARS and YEARS of experience. It’s got to be good for something. Maybe you could at least try to listen to some of it every once in a while.

10. Contrary to what you might think, I am not trying to control you or judge you. Ok, well, I might judge you a little bit. I can’t help it. Really, though, I’m trying not to. I just want my son to be happy and have a good life, and I want the same for my grandchildren. Your spouse may be your spouse, but he’s still a son and a brother and an uncle and a nephew and a father, all rolled into one. You’re going to have to share, whether you like it or not. Might as well learn to be gracious about it. I had to.

Sound doable? I hope so.

And how about I watch the kids this weekend so you grown-ups can have a night out? Just promise me you won’t spend the whole evening complaining about me… ok?

Related post: There Can Only Be One First Lady

Comments

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  1. says

    I agree with everything but gifts. A grandmother can buy whatever she likes. That is true. However,a parent has final veto power on what they allow in their home and allow their children to play with. I am glad that the grandparents usually confer with me before buying for the kids.

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    • run bek says

      I told the grandparents they are welcome to buy any toy/present they wanted as long as said toy stays at their house. Suddenly that swing set my baby needed wasn’t really a necessity :)

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    • Jen says

      Thank you! I totally agree. Also, even if its not “on purpose” or to sow the mother up…if you’re buying my kids gifts that are bigger/better/more expensive on every birthday or Christmas, that sucks. Every mama wants to be the one to wow they own kid and get something the child really loves, because that’s some of the fun parts of being a parent. We don’t buy our kids new toys often…I will scour yard sales, ect…but in bdays and Xmas, I like and put lots of love and thoughts into my kids gifts…I don’t want to be shown up, even if it isn’t intentional, regardless of if the family member in question “has the money to spend”…..if they have that kind of cash, a nice, appropriate gift will do, and if they want to spend more, there are always college funds …which is thoughtful for later for the child without being flashy !

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      • ASIs says

        As for gifts, I have to say that my mother is spot on. Her gift giving to my children demonstrates what a loving mother and nana she is. I thought I would share what she does so that other nana’s may follow her idea.
        My mama also wants to spoil her grand kids. She wants them to have the things she did not have the money to give me when I was a kid. BUT….she also knows how much she, as my mama, wanted to be able to give me those things and how sad she felt when she couldn’t and my grandma could.
        SO…she always helps us. She looks at my older son’s amazon wish list and orders things from it, has them sent to our house and I wrap them. Some are from nana, some are from all of us, and she insist that some be just from me or just from my husband.
        Sometimes when the kids want something really expensive, she will pay for most of it and let my hubby and I contribute what we can afford and then the gift will be from all of us. My son has no idea who paid what and he’s able to get something that we could not afford alone– such as a guitar or camera.
        Sure, she sends the kids little surprises, as nana’s love to do, and the kids adore getting surprise gifts. She also wants to be our hero though, and she knows that the best gift she can give my hubby and I is the ability to do for our kids.
        She helps us buy school clothes, so the kids can have nicer things than we could afford, such as fancy band t-shirts that cost $25 each as opposed to plain t-shirts that hubby and I could afford.
        I love my mama for her thoughtfulness and in the future the kids will know who helped Santa!
        For now though, she gets to spoil them plenty BUT she also helps us to get to spoil them a little bit. My mama is so kind, thoughtful, and loving. I am so lucky because my mother-in-law is the exact opposite. She tries to buy our kids love and tries to triangulate our family.
        My mil uses money as a weapon. She tries to use money to control others and she thinks she can abuse others and they have to take her abuse because otherwise she will disinherit them.
        Hubby and I are not for sale. We no longer speak to or have anything to do with his mother.
        My mama would never threaten to disinherit us. My mama wants us to have our inheritance now, when we need it most, while rasing our children. He help has allowed me to be a stay at home mama, and now I am returning to college and will start working again. She helped to give my kids and I the gift of being together when they were little and really needed me at home. For that, I will always be grateful.
        In contrast, my mil (who is wealthy) does nothing but give me a hard time for being a stay at home mama. She insults me (well, not anymore since we do not talk to her anymore) and she tries to make me feel worthless, no matter what I do.
        For example, while I have been at home with my young kids, we bought a foreclosed house and I learned how to renovate myself. I did plumbing, electric, built cabinets, laid wood floors etc. all alone.
        We made 70k on that house when we sold it, during the recession. My mil says this doesn’t count and says that I have done nothing to help my husband with the bills or savings. When we married, I owned my home, almost outright. My hubby was in college and had no savings or house. I worked until our son was born and paid all the bills ahead of time for the first 13 months of our son’s life. We then. Had to move and for a variety of reasons I could not return to work. When I finally could go back to work, the whole country was in a recession and no one would hire me because it had been several years since I worked. (I am a nurse and if you leave for several years it is very hardto go back unless you return to college or take a refresher course).
        I was devastated to discover this, and lost as to what to do. Literally heartbroken at a) having lost my career and b) not being able to help my family have a better life. I did all I could to help, working construction with my dad, flipping houses I renovated myself, selling things on eBay etc.
        Rather than having compassion or trying to help or even understanding how hard it was to get a job during the recession, my mil attacked me about my not working.
        As a strong woman that had always taken care of myself, I was very depressed about my career crisis. I felt scared and vulnerable, alone, worthless and unwanted. I mean I was seriously depressed and I was seeing a career counselor and researching and trying as hard as I could.
        My mil did not care. She could not relate to me as a person, mother, or woman. She just attacked me and told me to ‘get a job’. That was hubby and my final straw.

        My mil would do things like give us $100 for son to start piano lessons. But we still had to buy a piano and lessons are $1.00 a minute. At 45 minute lessons a week, the money she gave us would have only covered two lessons. Yet….she became furious when she asked how piano was going and we told her that our son had not started because we were saving up money for a piano. Yes, she got mad at us because she thought we had ‘taken her money’ and not used it for what she wanted. In reality, we had the money saved and were waiting to start piano until we could afford a piano and the tuition above and beyond her $100.

        Mil is filthy rich. My mama though, is poor. She only has a GED and always worked two and three jobs to care for me as a single mother. She is ok now, or I would not let her help us with money, but she is not rich. My mama uses money to help others, in an unselfish and unconditional way. Mil uses money as a way to try to control.

        I feel sad for my hubby. Having seen how my mama is, and how I treat our kids, he now understands that his mother is a monster. It is sad to see a mother love her kids conditionally. Indeed, unconditional love is the only love worth having. My hubby is so grateful for my mother in his life. She is the only mother he has now and they are very close, he talks to her more than I do! He needs a mother, he never really had one before and no matter what, my mother will always love him unconditionally.

        To get back on point, if you really want to get along with your son/daughter-in-law, follow my mama’s example, not my mil’s. Unconditional love and support win. I love it when the good guys win. Mil may have lots of money but she no longer has her youngest son or her only grandchild.

        Oh, and mil says “her money” but really, her husband earned it. She has had, in the distant past, little income here and there. She wrapped gifts for fancy realtors and she worked as a secretary for a few years and she babysat. Her wealth came from her husband though. I know marital money should belong to both people but to hear her talk about it, you would think she made all the money. She gives no respect to her husband or all the hard work he did over the years in order to give them the lifestyle they now enjoy. That’s what makes me sick about it. Her poor husband, who is a lovely person, is made to feel worthless.

        Incase you can’t tell, my mil has narcissistic personality disorder. She’s a nasty piece of work.

        “let me ask you one question, is your money that good? Can it buy you forgiveness? Do you think that it could? I think you will find, when your death takes it’s toll, all the money you earned can never buy back your soul” ~ bob Dylan

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      • J says

        You guys are looking at this wrong. Encourage the grandma to buy the expensive stuff – it’s called outsourcing. I always give my in-laws the list with the big ticket items. I’ll still get credit because I’m the mom and I always win!

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      • Lisa says

        Any time MIL asks us what gifts we’d like. We ask that she please put $ in their college fund. This rarely happens. MIL is generous, but bad with managing $. We are just going to ask for gift cards, use them on our needs, then take that same amount of money and put it in our children’s college fund. Really, they have plenty of toys.

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    • Liz says

      And please don’t tell them the lavish Christmas presents at your house are from Santa! No parent wants to answer questions about why Santa leaves better presents at Grandma and Grandpa’s

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    • boredfirst says

      My mom is the one in our family who buys a lot of gifts and, less desirably, junk food. For the most part we try to roll our eyes and look away. Grandparents earned the right to a bit of tomfoolery and I think the kids are usually in on the joke.

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      • Amanda says

        I don’t have a problem with grandparents giving junk food or gifts ‘ocassionally’, if seeing grandparents is an uncommon thing or a treat. But if my child spends 3 days a week at your house and you’re giving him mini pancakes for every meal, you’re undermining all the work I’m putting into trying to get him to eat real food …and making it so he always wants to stay at your house and never at home. Really not cool.

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    • Callie says

      Your lavish gifts for the grandchildren might not make DIL feel “shame.” She may become annoyed because she’s trying to raise kids who aren’t entitled, spoiled, and greedy. Many parents choose to limit gifts, both in quantity and price, so that their children will be more appreciative. Which kid is more grateful — the child who get piles of presents for his birthday, and who can’t even remember what he received, or the child who receives one meaningful, carefully-selected item?

      If DIL objects to you showering her kids with material things, shower them with love instead.

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      • Becca says

        Thank you! My mil has been told time and time again, don’t buy jr more toys! He has more then enough and we don’t want to spoil him. Plus, he can’t even appreciate that many toys anyway, it all just gets lost in the jumble. So what does she go out and do just a few days ago? Buys him more freaking toys from the most expensive store in town! Then she says to dearest, “I want to be part of painting jr’s room.” Dearest says that we have no plans to paint his room. Then she says, “but I will pay for it.” As if its a money thing and not a “the color of his room is just fine” thing. She likes to buy people, it’s her go to strategy for everything. Jr has never liked her very much, but he would come over to her to try and get her ipad from her, so then she wanted to buy him an ipad. This was before he was even one. I told her I want him to learn the simple joys of putting together a puzzle and playing with blocks before she gets him addicted to video games like she did with her own son. Now he’s almost two and she still brings it up, but the answer is still no! Unfortunately for her, my kid’s love isn’t for sale.

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    • Catie Kidman says

      For #9, in my case, my spouse became an amazing person *despite* his terrible, abusive upbringing. So this point is completely lost on me. The way he turned out was not due to the love and nurturing given him! Free with earlier posters, this article is snarky, not helpful at all.

      #10: a complete lie. “No judgment” is a total lie! Some MILs feel threatened by a younger woman. My MIL is competitive, mean-girl type. There IS judgment that has little to do with wanting son to be happy and all about how she feels about herself: inadequate and threatened.

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    • Jessica says

      Exactly I don’t like my mil or spend anytime with her she’s the slum lord we rent off of that has never done any repairs and they’re past over due She might have had 4 kids but can’t keep her story straight on it either they where taken away by cps or she took them and said she didn’t want them anymore, then when they turned 18 she went to collect the 3 that wasn’t adopted. So i dont think she has any right to give ANY parenting advice. What do yall think ?

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    • Cecilia says

      Right? I’ve about given up on complaining. It doesn’t do any good. She tries, I try, whatever. But I don’t, and never have, openly mocked the way she dresses, the clothes/accessories/gifts she picks out for my kids, the food she cooks, her parenting/life decisions, or the names she picked for her children. I’d appreciate the same respect, but I know I’ll never get it. This article is for the daughter in laws that don’t know how good they’ve got it.

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  2. says

    Or how about this. Just be yourself and if she doesn’t like you then just be polite.Your spouse loves you the way you are. If she doesnt then you shouldnt feel obligated to change the way you are for her. What this doesnt mention is the fact that some (SOME, not all) Mother in laws do things like buy lots of expensive gifts for their grandkids to make the mother feel bad for not being ‘good enough’. Yes, we know you gave birth to him and you’ll always be his mother, but in the end when you pass on we’re going to be the ones that hold him when he cries. You are his mother by birth, we are their wives by their choice. Not saying this to start an argument, just putting my opinion out there.

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    • says

      My MIL buys my daughter gifts all the time against my wishes and it infuriates me to no end! Sorry I don’t want a spoiled brat feeling entitled to things she didn’t earn. Doesn’tmmatter who’s money it is. If someone asks you not to do something with their kids, then just respect the parents wishes!

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    • says

      Just hope you judge your own mothers as harshly as you do your husband’s. These responses prove why this was written. One day your sons will grow up and marry and you will be the MIL. Hopefully you will get DILs that don’t think you are the biggest annoyance to her family.

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      • TillyMomma says

        I think that in reality – a lot of us do. I certainly have come to grips with my mother’s fallibility just as much as my MIL’s and so it goes for all of my family, including myself. My husband has done the same thing. Blending our families has not been an easy thing to do. My parents are so vastly different from his that barring us marrying – the probably wouldn’t choose to be around each other normally. My MIL isn’t someone I would have as a close friend. Our ways of being are just too different. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about her. It just means that there are, for the time being, limits to our relationship. Limits that I have had to repeatedly enforce and lead by example – which isn’t any fun as a DIL. I can understand the author’s perspective but the way she comes across is entirely inappropriate and does NOTHING to encourage a civil a working relationship.

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      • Susan Crook says

        Why yes, I do expect my parents to treat my husband with decency and respect. Because that is what spouses do for one another. My exhusband didn’t expect that from his parents. When I would tell him there was a problem, he’d say but what about your parents, to which I’d say, did my parents ever…..

        1. Tell me “you can get a new spouse, but not new parents!, so we come first!”
        2, demand equal rights to parent our children?
        3. Ask for money?
        4. Drive our child around without a carseat, thereby risking his life?
        5. Tell you that because you were wearing a red tshirt you were clearly a tramp?
        6. insist that we had to do all the driving to visit, because “it’s such a long way to drive!” (and it is somehow shorter with babies in the car?) and initiate all the phone calls (because phone lines run only one way?)
        7. insist that a 120 dollar set of artisan made sterling earrings were “cheap crap” and sell them at a yard sale for 50 cents?
        8. Demand to go on vacay with us and expect us to pay for it?

        See my point? My parents acted decent, did none of these things and treated my ex like the son they never had. He treated them like dirt, and when his parents did every one of the listed things -several of them repeatedly- I was informed I was lying, crazy, and just hated his parents for no reason. To this day he insists that I am persecuting them, and denies that my problem actually is that he allowed them to mistreat me and our children. Moreover, I am accused of brainwashing our kids to hate the paternal grandparents. Doesn’t matter how hard a person tries sometimes, and I tried for 20 YEARS before I left that man in the dirt. He still insists I did nothing to get along. Yeah, nothing but be stomped on, berated and abused for insisting that I had the right to raise my own children, go on a vacation with them and my husband, that I shouldn’t have to pay the bills for two people who have college degrees and are by no means disabled.

        Nor does he understand that I didn’t brainwash my parents to hate him, they treated him well all that time and only refuse to speak to him now because he beat me when I was pregnant, and accused them of lying.

        Don’t tell us we don’t have standards for our parents. We do. In most cases you hear about bad MIL’s, it’s the husband’s mother being a biatch, not the wife’s.

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        • Lisa says

          I’m sorry you had to go through that. My paternal grandparents didn’t like my mom. It affects the way I view them. If you don’t treat my mom right, then I won’t have a connection with you no matter who you are.

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          • Susan Crook says

            Thank you, Lisa, and you’re right, a lot of gp’s miss out on their grandkids being around them because they have mistreated the mother.

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        • ASIs says

          My mil also thinks I have ‘brainwashed’ her only grandchild to hate her. In reality, I never, ever said a negative thing about her. My son, who is now nine yrs. old, saw her behavior and decided himself that he did not like her. Her money was not enough to explain why she told him to lie to us or cut his hair when he did not want it cut or, the biggie, why she talked so ugly to me (his mama). After he saw and heard he talking to me, and begged her to “stop talking to mumsie that way” and she kept right on being nasty and did not even bother to answer him, pretended that he wasn’t there when he was crying and asking her to stop. He finally slammed something on the counter to get her attention and announced, at 9 yrs. old, that he was going to bed ( because he did not want to be around her yelling at me). She did not even stop yelling at me to say good-night. My hubby and I took turns going into his room to say good-night and try to calm him. We took turns because she HAD to have someone with her to yell at (grandpa too ignored our son, did not say good-night etc).
          I finally, hours later, said “enough, I am done”. I went to bed and listened to her tell my hubby all kinds of nasty things, I laid there and thought “this is it, I never have to deal with her again, this is the last time I will ever hear her voice”.
          I did not sleep, I was so upset and worried for our son. I packed a small bag and as soon as I heard our son wake up, I was ready to leave and my son and i were gone before mil was awake. I took our son and got a hotel room on the beach with a pool. I talked with him about what happened and we had a very good talk at Starbucks about the whole thing. He explained what he thought was happening first, and he was spot on! He realized what a nasty person she was without me saying a thing.
          I explained that we would not be seeing grandma again, ever, and he was just fine with that. I asked him if he wanted to say good-bye and he said no, he just wanted to go to the hotel and have fun. Because I was emotionally exhausted, I went and picked up one of his close friends and they had a lovely day playing at the pool.
          When mil and fil woke up, my hubby took them to their own hotel (they were planning on staying with us 4 nights but only made it one night and then were asked to leave). They continued their ‘vacation’ just fine, went to NYC and visited some friends and family on the east coast for several weeks after this falling out.
          Mil did not seem to care. Never even called her only grandchild, whom she was supposed to adore, to say bye. We never heard a thing from her until Christmas when she mailed gifts to the kids, which we donated to charity.
          She seems to think that things will work out or be ok between her and our son. She is so narcissistic that she does not even realize that we have gone ‘no contact’ with her and she is basically dead to us.
          She abused my husband and I for so long…him for 40 years and me for 10. When you are abused , I think it is a natural reaction to want the other person to get a taste of their own medicine. She threatened disinheriting us so many times, or threatened that my husband may “just have to choose between his wife and his ‘family” (as if his wife and child were not his family). She thought her money was power….but the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world and in reality, hubby and I have all the power, since we have the only grandchild. I never thought of this as power because I do not believe in using kids as pawns, nor do I believe is using power to control others.

          We went no contact in order to protect ourselves and our children from abuse. I know however, that this will cause her to suffer (when she realizes she is not the one giving US the silent treatment but rather we have gone no contact). And, a part of me is very happy, elated actually, that she will suffer the exact thing she threatened us with for years. We delt with her because we were afraid that if we did not deal with her, we would also lose members of his extended family (brothers, aunt, cousins etc.). See, if you don’t agree with her 100% then she sees you as an enemy. We were worried we would lose others in the family because she would make them choose, us or her.
          Finally her behavior became so bad though, that we felt we had no choice. Hubby called everyone to let them know what happened and to tell them that he loves them and still wants to be in their lives. We were both so relieved when they were supportive. While they are still it ouch with mil, they also understand the reasons we are not. We would never make them choose, all we ask is that we not talk about mil and they not talk with her about us. They all respect that. They also all knew how nasty she had been to us and that she has issues. They basically deal with her in order to keep the rest of the family. I wish they would all kick her to the curb though, so we could still have big gatherings and what not, without her.
          Hubby and I will not go to events she is at. Luckily, she lives 3000 miles away so it is not that much of an issue. Still, we used to have Christmas together every other year and our son would visit her and get to see his aunts/uncles/cousins. We need to find a way that he can still see them, but we will.
          But yes, she thinks I brainwashed my husband and my son. I was never anything but supportive. If my mother acted the way she did, I would have cut her out of my life a long time ago but because it was hubby’s mother, I felt I needed to follow his lead.
          In the end though, we cannot let anyone abuse us, not even for the people we love. In the end, she abused me so badly that both hubby and son want nothing to do with her.
          Now she is spreading lies about me, saying I am an unstable, alcoholic, drug user with no job. Reality? I never drink anything but hard cider and at most three in a day and that is about once a week. Three ciders a week. I am also in a masters program and have a 4.0 gpa. So no one believes her and she is making herself look crazy. I do not try to defend myself against her slander, I let my life speak for me. If she tries to contact us or makes a pest out of herself (once she realizes it is hubby and i that are not talking to her, not the other way around) I will press slander charges and take out a no contact order. She can try explaining that one at the dinner table or at one of her gatherings with her ‘friends’.

          I am so happy she is gone, seriously, I have been elated, excited, had more energy and just been giddy in general, since I finally stood up and said “enough, I’m done”. And it brings me great peace knowing she is gone from our lives and she either is or will suffer for how she treated us.

          I wish I could see the look on her face when she realizes that she will never see her only grandchild again and that her own son wants nothing to do with her. I wish I could ask someone to take a picture at that moment.

          Hopefully, via experience and example of both mil and my mama, I have learned some things and hopefully I will know better how to be a kind, loving, non-judgmental, supportive, understanding, helpful, friend to any future daughter in law that I may be blessed to have.

          For now though, I just bathe in the glory of humming “ding done the witch is gone, the wicked witch is gone…”

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      • Kelley says

        My MIL is a wonderful woman; my mother… well, she’s difficult. She’s very much like the woman who wrote this seems to be (except that she’s way better about gifts) – a passive aggressive Holier-than-Thou!

        I would suggest the author look at her own behavior and attitude before casting stones.

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      • danielle says

        Hahaha
        My mom hasn’t done any of these things.
        My mom calls before she comes over. She checks with me before buying presents and she firmly believes that my new family come first.
        My husband’s mother bought a one way ticket to our wedding and intended to move in with us. She told me god made me barren because I would be a bad mother, god blessed her with two children because she was a wonderful mother (who had her parental rights terminated after years of abuse and neglect). She called my gynecologist and tried to convince him to secretly sterilize me. She made false abuse allegations against me and to top it all off- she tried to pretend to be me and called a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings against my husband.

        Soooo…yep. I have taken a good long look at my mother, as has my husband. We are both sad that my parents aren’t around more and his parents are.

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      • Stephanie says

        In the same boat. Because we live out of state, my kids are never acknowledged but the other 14 grandkids are. When I called her out on it she told me it was too expensive to send up a gift or card at Christmas and accused me of being materialistic. I told her it wasn’t the gift it was the idea of being acknowledge by their grandparents.

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