The Dialogue of Motherhood – Scary Mommy

The Dialogue of Motherhood

Wow, they’re sleeping in today.

Oh, goodness, the whole day will be ruined because they’re sleeping late.

They’re crying; they’re hungry.

No, they’re not hungry.

Yes, they are hungry.

Must fix something healthy.

Nothing easy is healthy.

Who am I kidding? They won’t eat anything healthy.

I want them to eat well.

Is it wrong to give them all sweets for breakfast?

Yes, it’s wrong.

Let’s eat!

Are you done?

Stop playing with your food.

Are you done?

Just take a bite.

Are you done?

I’m not making anything else for you.

Are you done?

We’re done. Go play.

Just shoot me now. They never want to eat anything anymore.

Let’s go in the playroom.

No, don’t take out all of the DVDs.

Let’s play with toys.

No, we’re not going to jump on the cushions at 7:45 a.m.

What was their father thinking to start this tradition?

They’re crying; they’re probably hungry.

Try eating something for breakfast next time.

What’s wrong?

Are you tired?

Are you hungry?

Are you thirsty?

I’m sorry. I don’t understand whining.

I have an idea! Let’s go outside.

Yay! We’re outside.

No, don’t put flowers in your mouth.

No, don’t put mulch in your hair.

No, don’t throw grass at your Mama.

Hey, let’s go inside and see if the mail came?

Let’s jump on the cushions!

Let’s destroy all the DVDs so long as you aren’t crying.

They’re crying; are they hungry?

Should I give them a snack?

No. No snack. They must learn to eat at meals.

Aw, but they’re hungry.

Aren’t they?

I think so.

I don’t think so.

Well, it’s only 10:30, but let’s try having lunch. I think you’re hungry.

What? You’re not hungry.

How about a nap. I think you need a nap.

Yes, let’s take a nap. Shall we?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz