The Happiest Mother On The Block

186 Comments

I am not particularly proud of the mother I am from seven to eight o’clock in the morning.

Well, I am rather proud of what I manage to accomplish — getting the children up, getting them dressed, making their lunches, seeing that their teeth are brushed, packing their bags, walking the dog… you know the drill. I just can’t say that I do it all with much ease or grace. Any ease or grace, for that matter. Nine times out of ten, I am barking at all three of them by the time we make it into the car. Ten times out of ten, the car ride to school is pure hell.

“He’s repeating me!”

“She’s kicking me!”

“He’s looking out of my window!”

“She called me stupid!”

“Well, he is stupid!”

“Well, he is stupid!”

“Stop repeating meeeeee!!”

“Why couldn’t I be an only child?”

“STOP KICKING MY SEAT!!!”

“STOP KICKING MY SEAT!!!”

“He’s repeating me again!”

Every single morning, day after day, it’s the same. Our own little Groundhog Day.

“Just be quiet!!!” I holler, glaring in the rear view mirror. I can feel my blood pressure rising and the beginnings of a killer headache setting in.

“No more talking until we get there. Everyone just STOP!!”

I sigh audibly for effect. Just once I would like to get to drop off without a sore throat from yelling and without beads of sweat forming on my forehead. Is it really necessary for me to play referee before I’ve even had my coffee? Can’t they just sit in the car and mind their own business for the 15 minutes it takes to get to school? Do mornings really have to be like this? And,  just then, I see her walking by like clockwork and my question in answered. No, they don’t. For some people, mornings are a breeze.

Every single school day, The Happy Mother walks her dog and two children along our route to the neighborhood school. Her kids are typical kids, not particularly spotless or notable, and I’m pretty sure I once saw the brother knock over his sister and laugh about it. They’re kids, just like mine. But, it’s the mom that strikes me day after day after day after day as I ride by hissing at my own offspring. And, why? Because she’s smiling, ear to ear, every damn time I see her.

I look at her laughing with the kids, holding the dog leash in one hand and a coffee cup in another and wonder how she manages not only to bear that uphill walk, but to actually seemingly enjoy it. I wonder if she notices me at the same intersection every day, with the exhausted look in my eyes and the sulking kids in the backseats. Does she wonder why I have to yell at them? Why we’re not happily playing word games or discussing world peace like they probably are? Does she think she’s better than me? Does she even see us? No, I’m sure. Most likely she doesn’t even notice me because she’s too busy being… happy.

Now, before you go thinking that I’m all depressed and should start dealing with my feelings, I’m not unhappy. I laugh and smile and enjoy my kids throughout the day, the morning just never happens to be one of those times. My daily run-ins with her make me wonder what she could possibly be doing that I’m not. Is she filling her coffee cup with vodka? Is she meditating for an hour at four in the morning to ground herself? Does she pop pills and peak in the morning and then suck for the rest of the day? Or, does she really just enjoy her children and parent them effortlessly all day, each and every day?

I’m going with the vodka. Or the meditation. Or the pills. The alternative is simply unthinkable.

Comments

      • 4

        Modern Mia Gardening says

        This is me. I’m a morning person but after about 3 o’clock, my inner witchy-mama rears her ugly head. Forget the kids having the evening temper tantrums…it’s mommy that has them.

    • 5

      Samantha says

      Exactly. Some people are just not morning people. Those morning people are a different breed. Men are from Mars should be Morning People are from …. The next age of wars will be between the Morning Peeps vs the Night Peeps. I think they see everything rose colored in the morn. We night people just start functioning proper when the kids go to bed and the brain clicks back on.

      • 6

        karen says

        This is me, I’m a mom of 4 boys the oldest is 6.5. Our mornings are a breeze peaceful well behaved great. However come to my house from 4pmish to about 6:30 and all hell has broke loose its pure chaos and I am exhausted and worn out by the end.

  1. 8

    Rainyday says

    Sounds remarkably like my days. Only my husband has started singing “Girl look at that body” and “Uh-huh, I work out!” after each of my big sighs. He thinks he’s being funny. Damn LMFAO.

  2. 10

    jen says

    well…..maybe she’s a nightmare in the evening. i don’t understand the moms who have the morning sunshine, either. i don’t even want to speak for 2-3 hours and i always cringe at what i have on when i do school drop-off, because i know the lady who pulls up next to me in the BMW most certainly does not have black nike sweatpants with the bottoms ripped and a jacket that hasn’t been washed in just about EVER. my kids are too young to bicker in the car, but i have three girls, so i am fully aware of what car rides could be like in 2-4 years.you just gotta look at it as although she seems like her world is perfect in the AM, she must have a weak spot and there will be moments in her day that suck. no one lives with sunshine all the time! (unless you live in arizona. it’s pretty sunny there.)

  3. 13

    Sweety Darlin' says

    She is medicating! For sure! Unless she has a soundproof padded room at home that when she returns she can bounce off the walls and scream out her frustration.

    Don’t worry I hate that mom too!

  4. 14

    Lin says

    I’d imagine Kalhua or Bailey’s is in that coffee.

    And I bet she had her bit of hissing in the house before they left.

  5. 15

    Karen says

    If she’s grinning like a loon EVERY morning, she’s clearly unhinged. She doesn’t really enjoy her kids that much; they’ve just driven her to madness. :)

  6. 16

    Regina says

    I would be smile too if I were taking my kids to school and they weren’t going to be with me or 8 hours. Of course, I’ve been barking at them all the way in the car and all the way to school or until I’m down to one in the car. By then I’m ready for them to go off for 8 hours and I’ll think about picking them up.
    But I do love when I see them and I get big hugs from them. I pick the other one up and it’s back to fighting again. sigh.

  7. 17

    Cattibrie says

    My mom and I used to not speak in the morning until she dropped me off at school. Otherwise the whole morning was a fight. We were just not morning people. I still am not and I wonder what it will be like come September when my son goes to school. He is a morning person. Not sure how that happened. Ugh.

  8. 18

    Aileen says

    People think that about me. They say, “How are you so happy all the time?” because I greet everyone with a smile each morning. I’m really not happy all the time. I just don’t let anyone outside my house see the stress and anxiety I feel on a daily basis between having a full time job, three kids, and a multitude of family issues. (But I do get up at 4:00 in the morning and run on the treadmill…it works better than vodka and antidepressants).

  9. 19

    stephanie says

    it’s gotta be vodka. gag me. honestly i would not be able to deal with seeing that every mornings – mine are exactly the same – and i just have to wait for the bus driver (who i have a massive crush on by the way;). i would take another route even if it caused me another few minutes.

  10. 21

    Jenna says

    I am not a morning person, but have two girls that are. They have learned at 8 & 10 to just be quiet on that drive or its miserable for all. Though that hour before we walk out the door is PURE HELL! Surprisingly they fight more on the ride home then on the way there, guess it’s that excitement of getting away from mom :)

  11. 22

    Melissa says

    Vodka AND pills. And yoga pants are ether than sweats. I love it as my girls get home. Until they’ve been home for 10 minutes. Together. Then I want to lock them in a cage for a death match.

  12. 23

    momiffer says

    I am SO not a morning person that I think if I saw this woman it would give me a complex too! I do love my kids and fortunately, I take them to school separately. My daughter and I talk the whole way there (all of 5 minutes) but my son hardly says a word (he’s not a morning person either). I used to take it personally but now I realize that it is just who he is so I respect it. Surely that woman has bad times in her days. Or she takes lots of Xanax.

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