The Happiest Mother On The Block

Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy

Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy

What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, (Lily, Ben, and Evan) quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.
Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy

@scarymommy

NYT bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Fond of curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.
@JenPinarski Every time there is a national tragedy, I am reminded of exactly why I don't schedule tweets, convenient as it may be. - 7 hours ago
Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy

Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)

happy mom

 

I am not particularly proud of the mother I am from seven to eight o’clock in the morning.

 

Well, I am rather proud of what I manage to accomplish — getting the children up, getting them dressed, making their lunches, seeing that their teeth are brushed, packing their bags, walking the dog… you know the drill. I just can’t say that I do it all with much ease or grace. Any ease or grace, for that matter. Nine times out of ten, I am barking at all three of them by the time we make it into the car. Ten times out of ten, the car ride to school is pure hell.

 

“He’s repeating me!”

 

“She’s kicking me!”

 

“He’s looking out of my window!”

 

“She called me stupid!”

 

“Well, he is stupid!”

 

“Well, he is stupid!”

 

“Stop repeating meeeeee!!”

 

“Why couldn’t I be an only child?”

 

“STOP KICKING MY SEAT!!!”

 

“STOP KICKING MY SEAT!!!”

 

“He’s repeating me again!”

 

Every single morning, day after day, it’s the same. Our own little Groundhog Day.

 

“Just be quiet!!!” I holler, glaring in the rear view mirror. I can feel my blood pressure rising and the beginnings of a killer headache setting in.

 

“No more talking until we get there. Everyone just STOP!!”

 

I sigh audibly for effect. Just once I would like to get to drop off without a sore throat from yelling and without beads of sweat forming on my forehead. Is it really necessary for me to play referee before I’ve even had my coffee? Can’t they just sit in the car and mind their own business for the 15 minutes it takes to get to school? Do mornings really have to be like this? And,  just then, I see her walking by like clockwork and my question in answered. No, they don’t. For some people, mornings are a breeze.

 

Every single school day, The Happy Mother walks her dog and two children along our route to the neighborhood school. Her kids are typical kids, not particularly spotless or notable, and I’m pretty sure I once saw the brother knock over his sister and laugh about it. They’re kids, just like mine. But, it’s the mom that strikes me day after day after day after day as I ride by hissing at my own offspring. And, why? Because she’s smiling, ear to ear, every damn time I see her.

 

I look at her laughing with the kids, holding the dog leash in one hand and a coffee cup in another and wonder how she manages not only to bear that uphill walk, but to actually seemingly enjoy it. I wonder if she notices me at the same intersection every day, with the exhausted look in my eyes and the sulking kids in the backseats. Does she wonder why I have to yell at them? Why we’re not happily playing word games or discussing world peace like they probably are? Does she think she’s better than me? Does she even see us? No, I’m sure. Most likely she doesn’t even notice me because she’s too busy being… happy.

 

Now, before you go thinking that I’m all depressed and should start dealing with my feelings, I’m not unhappy. I laugh and smile and enjoy my kids throughout the day, the morning just never happens to be one of those times. My daily run-ins with her make me wonder what she could possibly be doing that I’m not. Is she filling her coffee cup with vodka? Is she meditating for an hour at four in the morning to ground herself? Does she pop pills and peak in the morning and then suck for the rest of the day? Or, does she really just enjoy her children and parent them effortlessly all day, each and every day?

 

I’m going with the vodka. Or the meditation. Or the pills. The alternative is simply unthinkable.

Around the web

{ 181 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Carabee February 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

It has to be pills. No question.
Carabee recently posted..To a T

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2 MrsMica February 12, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Some people just aren’t morning people, and some people, aggravatingly enough, are.
MrsMica recently posted..Friday Flash: "We Are Not Cowards"

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3 MomEinstein February 13, 2012 at 10:03 am

EXACTLY what I was thinking. She might end up screaming at her kids ever night at bedtime.
MomEinstein recently posted..St. Martin Vacation

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4 Modern Mia Gardening October 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

This is me. I’m a morning person but after about 3 o’clock, my inner witchy-mama rears her ugly head. Forget the kids having the evening temper tantrums…it’s mommy that has them.

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5 Samantha February 21, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Exactly. Some people are just not morning people. Those morning people are a different breed. Men are from Mars should be Morning People are from …. The next age of wars will be between the Morning Peeps vs the Night Peeps. I think they see everything rose colored in the morn. We night people just start functioning proper when the kids go to bed and the brain clicks back on.
Samantha recently posted..Singing Mantras to Kids: Gayatri

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6 karen April 4, 2012 at 10:43 am

This is me, I’m a mom of 4 boys the oldest is 6.5. Our mornings are a breeze peaceful well behaved great. However come to my house from 4pmish to about 6:30 and all hell has broke loose its pure chaos and I am exhausted and worn out by the end.

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7 Tanya February 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm

obviously it’s vodka AND she’s had her coffee, i can’t do anything without coffee
Tanya recently posted..Nailed It

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8 Rainyday February 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Sounds remarkably like my days. Only my husband has started singing “Girl look at that body” and “Uh-huh, I work out!” after each of my big sighs. He thinks he’s being funny. Damn LMFAO.
Rainyday recently posted..Conversations with Felix

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9 EllaAnne February 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Maybe she has enough to share.

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10 jen February 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

well…..maybe she’s a nightmare in the evening. i don’t understand the moms who have the morning sunshine, either. i don’t even want to speak for 2-3 hours and i always cringe at what i have on when i do school drop-off, because i know the lady who pulls up next to me in the BMW most certainly does not have black nike sweatpants with the bottoms ripped and a jacket that hasn’t been washed in just about EVER. my kids are too young to bicker in the car, but i have three girls, so i am fully aware of what car rides could be like in 2-4 years.you just gotta look at it as although she seems like her world is perfect in the AM, she must have a weak spot and there will be moments in her day that suck. no one lives with sunshine all the time! (unless you live in arizona. it’s pretty sunny there.)

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11 Lisa February 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

It’s just that she falls apart AFTER school….and you don’t see it.

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12 Alison@Mama Wants This February 12, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I vote for a swig of vodka with hard core yoga.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Love, Life and Loss

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13 Sweety Darlin' February 12, 2012 at 8:36 pm

She is medicating! For sure! Unless she has a soundproof padded room at home that when she returns she can bounce off the walls and scream out her frustration.

Don’t worry I hate that mom too!
Sweety Darlin’ recently posted..Successes and Failures (maybe)

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14 Lin February 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I’d imagine Kalhua or Bailey’s is in that coffee.

And I bet she had her bit of hissing in the house before they left.
Lin recently posted..February 5, 2012 – Chaos, Birthdays, and Minor Super Bowl Victories!

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15 Karen February 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

If she’s grinning like a loon EVERY morning, she’s clearly unhinged. She doesn’t really enjoy her kids that much; they’ve just driven her to madness. :)

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16 Regina February 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I would be smile too if I were taking my kids to school and they weren’t going to be with me or 8 hours. Of course, I’ve been barking at them all the way in the car and all the way to school or until I’m down to one in the car. By then I’m ready for them to go off for 8 hours and I’ll think about picking them up.
But I do love when I see them and I get big hugs from them. I pick the other one up and it’s back to fighting again. sigh.
Regina recently posted..I Love You Cheaply

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17 Cattibrie February 12, 2012 at 8:42 pm

My mom and I used to not speak in the morning until she dropped me off at school. Otherwise the whole morning was a fight. We were just not morning people. I still am not and I wonder what it will be like come September when my son goes to school. He is a morning person. Not sure how that happened. Ugh.

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18 Aileen February 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

People think that about me. They say, “How are you so happy all the time?” because I greet everyone with a smile each morning. I’m really not happy all the time. I just don’t let anyone outside my house see the stress and anxiety I feel on a daily basis between having a full time job, three kids, and a multitude of family issues. (But I do get up at 4:00 in the morning and run on the treadmill…it works better than vodka and antidepressants).

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19 stephanie February 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

it’s gotta be vodka. gag me. honestly i would not be able to deal with seeing that every mornings – mine are exactly the same – and i just have to wait for the bus driver (who i have a massive crush on by the way;). i would take another route even if it caused me another few minutes.

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20 Cy February 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Sounds like SHE’S the Scary Mommy, not you!

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21 Jenna February 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

I am not a morning person, but have two girls that are. They have learned at 8 & 10 to just be quiet on that drive or its miserable for all. Though that hour before we walk out the door is PURE HELL! Surprisingly they fight more on the ride home then on the way there, guess it’s that excitement of getting away from mom :)

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22 Melissa February 12, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Vodka AND pills. And yoga pants are ether than sweats. I love it as my girls get home. Until they’ve been home for 10 minutes. Together. Then I want to lock them in a cage for a death match.

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23 momiffer February 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I am SO not a morning person that I think if I saw this woman it would give me a complex too! I do love my kids and fortunately, I take them to school separately. My daughter and I talk the whole way there (all of 5 minutes) but my son hardly says a word (he’s not a morning person either). I used to take it personally but now I realize that it is just who he is so I respect it. Surely that woman has bad times in her days. Or she takes lots of Xanax.

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24 Michelle February 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

You sound like me and Mom Bloggers (that is ….before I found Scary Mommy). http://sapphireridge.blogspot.com/2010/05/me-vs-claire-huxtable-and-super-blogger.html
While I don’t have to do the school runs, (I homeschool), there is a particular homeschooling mom who annoys the Happy Hell out of me on FB…I had to block her perfect ass!

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25 Jennifer Domenick February 12, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Oh THANK God. Thank you for posting this. I’m not the only one!

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26 Helen February 12, 2012 at 8:59 pm

there’s whiskey in that coffee or she’s a Stepford Wife…I’m telling you, you MUST live near Stepford!!!

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27 Lisa February 12, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I actually AM a morning person, but my mornings trying to get the kids ready and to school sound just like this. I let out a huge sigh every day when they finally board the bus. It’s never going to get better until they graduate, is it? Thank you for this post, I’m so happy I’m not the only one that goes through this!

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28 Life with Kaishon February 12, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I totally understand this.
Every night I think in my head, tomorrow is going to be a nice calm morning…and then it is hellish.
And I just have one kid.
That’s it. I am officially the WORST mother in America. Darn it.

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29 Life with Kaishon February 12, 2012 at 9:12 pm

PS I don’t need help for my depression either : ) I am the WORST mother in America from 6-7 am only! Then I am mediocre for the rest of the day…
Life with Kaishon recently posted..I couldn’t find a heart picture for the life of me tonight…so this is going to have to do ; )

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30 Crystal February 12, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I don’t smile in the mornings, EVER, I am not a morning person, period, unless I go to bed at 6pm and with a very hyper ADHD 2 yr old, thats not an option. She goes to bed anywhere from 8pm to midnight EVERYNIGHT and wakes up EVERY MORNING @ 6:30 – 7… I think shes got a death wish. God forbid I don’t get up and get my coffee started after she wakes me. I think I’d likely have a mental breakdown without it. Actually I know for sure that I would because I have. I hate mornings. And this droid of a mother you speak of, I’m absolutely sure shes popping those xanax and drinking her vodka and thinking “Just a couple more minutes and I’ll be rid of these little buttheads for 8 WHOLE hours… god I can’t wait.” And if thats not what shes doing or thinking, or drinking for that matter then I’d say shes clinically insane and likely needs to be committed.

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31 Jess February 12, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I was never a morning person until I was a mother, now I am incredibly happy in the mornings…but only when I’m by myself :)
Jess recently posted..Things I Love.

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32 Renada February 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

This made me holler.

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33 Kate in Ohio February 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

She and her kids must be morining people. I bet that if you could see her at 8:30 at night she would look just like you in the morning. That and the vodka, because vodka makes everything better. And Lexapro. Lexapro makes everything better, especially when combined with vodka.

I am done now.
Kate in Ohio recently posted..12 Years in a Blink of an Eye!

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34 Amy February 12, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I’m a morning person; its me you’re passing. lol … 2 months ago, I started waking 2 hours early, at least 3 x’s a week, so I can have some time for JUST me… no one else !!! By the time the kids wake, I’m all happy and shit! I crash towards the end of the evening… but having a little time for myself is soooo worth it!
Amy recently posted..Hi Ho Hi Ho |Off to Grandma’s: This Moment Friday Ritual

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35 Amanda February 12, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I’ve heard of people like her. I bet she’s an ass to her kids from 7 p.m. until she throws them in bed.
Amanda recently posted..Oma’s Vacation Proclivities

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36 Rae February 12, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I’m that mom… But I’m a morning person and my school-aged kid is too. Perfect harmony. The evenings, thank goodness we don’t usually leave the house. THAT is when I’m a scary mommy!!!

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37 Jennifer February 12, 2012 at 10:01 pm

She probably gets up early and exercises too.
Jennifer recently posted..#Project365/366, Week 6

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38 Mommy Shove February 12, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Morning people! Ugh. Bet their evenings are hell. I’m a useless sack until after 2 cups of coffee. But evenings are a breeze. :)
Mommy Shove recently posted..February 12, 2012 ~ First Haircut

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39 Tanya February 12, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Lol, have you ever been in the middle of a rant at your kids and realized that your car windows are see-through? And then immediately cringe at the thought of how many parents have seen your ugly yelling-at-your-kids face?

God forbid the windows are rolled down…
Tanya recently posted..The Berman ‘Do

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40 Amy February 12, 2012 at 10:34 pm

She’s probably the nanny that just arrived so the Mom can shower & enjoy her coffee! ;)

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41 OpinionWarranted February 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

awesome.

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42 Laura February 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Are you sure you aren’t riding with me in the mornings??? This sounds exactly like our mornings. I’ll have to pass this along to my hubby so he knows I’m not the only one!

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43 Susan February 12, 2012 at 11:09 pm

No point in comparing ourselves to this woman and what she represents, because it’s fictional. Parenting blogs have taught me that.
Susan recently posted..For When I’m Loaded…

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44 Tragic Sandwich February 12, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I’m guessing she’s related to Jon Lovitz’s Master Thespian: “Acting!”
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..A Nerd, On Sesame Street

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45 C @ Kid Things February 12, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I’m not a morning person, either. Or much of an afternoon, or evening person for that matter. I’m great after bedtime, though. And I’ve wondered about those parents who seem to have everything under control. I like to think it’s just a public facade, and they’re probably screaming obscenities once they get inside their house.
C @ Kid Things recently posted..An Imperfect Real World Story

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46 Cat February 12, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I am not a morning person most days, but on Fridays I have carpool duty in the morning. So I actually brush my hair and put some decent clothes on before walking out the door (yes, that’s different from other days), and brace myself for the onslaught of cars. And I open every door with a smile and say good morning and it pisses me off when the kids just walk by or the parents just stare ahead and no one says hello or good morning or thank you. It takes effort to be that chipper. Maybe I should just give everyone mean, threatening looks so they’ll feel better about their crappy mornings!
Cat recently posted..Dairy Free Coffee Ice Cream

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47 Jennie Little February 12, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Not liquor. Not meds. HEADPHONES!!!!!

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48 Carrie February 12, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Now I feel kinda bad. (Not really…that just sounds good.)

At least you bark at YOUR kids in your car. Not me. I bark at OTHERS kids while I’m in my car stuck behind that bus stopped in my neighborhood picking up 937 kids at one friggin corner every morning.

And there’s that one happy mom that waits until her kid is just about to step up on the bus before she decides to zip up their little coat, tuck their little scarf in, pull the collar up over their ears and kiss them on the cheek. I mean, couldn’t she have done that in the 14 minutes they’ve been lined up?

Then she walks along side the bus on the outside as the kid is trying to get a seat on the inside.

And she’s smiling and waving the whole time they’re finding a seat.

SHE makes ME take a pill.
Carrie recently posted..If it’s gotta be said, well I’m your girl.

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49 MB Mommy February 13, 2012 at 12:06 am

I feel so relieved that I’m not the only one with hell mornings. THANK YOU ALL! I hate mornings. I hate them even more when I have to heard everyone out the door. That was just for daycare. With kindergarten in the fall, I don’t know what I’m going to do…oh yeah! Bailey’s in the coffee…

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50 Molly February 13, 2012 at 12:09 am

I have NEVER been a morning person. Which sucked when I was teaching elementary school and had to be awake and cheery by 7:30 am.
Molly recently posted..Home Invasion

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51 Practical Parenting February 13, 2012 at 12:18 am

I think it’s the walking outside that transforms into the picture of perfection. When my kids start getting nutty in the morning, I just throw on their shoes and get them out the door (often in their pajamas, which I’ve titled “pajama walks” to make it sound like an actual thing). It’s amazing…the bickering disappears and they smile and laugh and appear to be happy 24/7 which makes me smile and laugh along with them. Inside the house 5 mins earlier? Not so much. Fresh air. Definitely the fresh air.
Practical Parenting recently posted..Rainbow of Love

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52 OpinionWarranted February 13, 2012 at 1:32 am

Um, why don’t you just ask her? ..and then report back on the exact prescription, of course! ;)

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53 Jadzia@Toddlerisms February 13, 2012 at 2:29 am

I think it’s a Xanax-YooHoo cocktail.
Jadzia@Toddlerisms recently posted..Maybe You Can’t Take the City Out of the Boy

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54 shanan February 13, 2012 at 3:09 am

Let my give you the description of me as the mom that walks the kids to school. First I strat by hissing at the dog because he’s pulling on the leash, then if I had a coffee in hand it would end up spilled all over me due to stupid dog pulling. Then the two year old would decide to stop walking and hold us up as the middle child starts to panic that we’ll be late for school. Then the oldest would walk about five miles ahead and call her sister a baby. Then I would be hissing at her to wait , the middle to stop whining and the two year old to start walking. Smiling all the while?? nope!

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55 Sandra February 13, 2012 at 3:38 am

Pills… most definitely pills.
And thank you for making me feel a bit more “normal” about our mornings.

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56 Elizabeth February 13, 2012 at 5:25 am

never been a morning person. dreading the day i have to take my kids to school because i will be forced to wake up that early.. im sure her kids are similar to ours, i wonder that too, how people go by parenting without screaming.. i sometimes just sigh and let things slide but after a while i snap and become a monster. if she tells you her secret please let us know! having two toddlers can cause many headaches!
Elizabeth recently posted..TURNING TWO

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57 Gigi February 13, 2012 at 5:44 am
58 Green Mama February 13, 2012 at 5:58 am

I can’t tell you how incredibly unrelaxing I find putting the cherubs in the car- our mornings run so much better when we walk to wherever we need to go. Have no idea why that is.
Green Mama recently posted..My little nun…

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59 Lynn from For Love or Funny February 13, 2012 at 6:08 am

Green Mama (above) brings up a great point. Maybe Happy Mother is so darn joyful because she only has to walk a short distance to get to school. No car ride necessary!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Me and my stick… A love story.

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60 Lauren February 13, 2012 at 6:22 am

Y’all are joking about the vodka, but when my hubs was a stay-at-home dad, I always felt so crappy that he was all cheery all the time, and I wanted to add duct tape to my “parenting toolbox”…
Then one day he says – hey we need some more of that creamy stuff your dad brought over for my coffee.
It was Bailey’s – he had never had it before and didn’t realize there was alcohol in it. (He’s Israeli, they don’t really drink it there).
After that little mix up, he became, ahem, more of a “real” parent :)

Some people just “flow” with the kids and barely even notice the 400 annoying things they do while getting ready for school.
I realized that when there is a timeline involved, I am aggravated mom – no matter what.
When there isn’t is the only time I can really enjoy my time with the kids.

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61 Missy February 13, 2012 at 7:40 am

She could be doing how I do.

I sleep while my son is at school, spend evenings doing family/house stuff, and work at night.

Luckily for me, he takes getting ready very seriously, so we don’t even have to argue about grooming anymore. Letting him wear whatever he wants (Spongebob. Clothes need to have Spongebob on them), have his own special toothpaste (blue is a flavor, for seriously, you guys), and pick his own haircut (none; his step father and I both have long hair, and he loves it) made a big difference in his willingness to cooperate.

I am deeply concerned about the household changes we’ll be seeing in May, when baby #2 makes his appearance and decides he hates our schedule. So far, he’s stuck with me on when to sleep and when to wake, but I have a feeling he’s going to prefer his brothers sleeping schedule…

I’m going to go get kiddo up, now.

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62 Jen February 13, 2012 at 8:18 am

Let’s just say, she is the expection and not the rule. Mornings are terrible in my house… just terrible. While my husband sits in the bathroom and shits for 30 minutes (I am pretty sure he is taking a nap) and then just deals with himself, I run around like a crazy person getting 4 kids plus myself dressed, fed and out the door. It is just insane. I hate mornings… hate them.
Jen recently posted..Sledding with No Snow

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63 Arnebya February 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

That morning shit where I know it’s really probably a nap KILLS ME. Do you not hear the fucking mayhem outside this door?
Arnebya recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: Beware, Robbers! We Have Bats and Knives and Lots of Vinyl

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64 Scarlet February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

That is my morning perfectly. What the hell is my husband doing in there? I get myself and the kids ready, the kids fed, and lunches packed all in the time he must be contemplating the universe!

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65 Mercy October 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I know. How is it that men take so long on the toilet? In the time it takes my hubby to read the paper, use the toilet and shower (and maybe eat breakfast), I get the kids up, fed, dressed, snacks packed (mine are PS’s), and we are always ready before he is. On the plus side, he likes to iron his own clothes before leaving so I never have to do it.
Mercy recently posted.."He’s a Bad Boy!"

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66 Audrey February 13, 2012 at 8:58 am

Probably the walk distracts the kids into some semblance of order and she doesn’t have to turn around to break up arguments as often. Plus of course she’s smiling, she’s about to drop them off for the day. ;)
Audrey recently posted..Review: What Happened on Fox Street

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67 Rebeccah February 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

GURL. Get yo-self some books on CD for the car. Dead freaking silence for the whole ride to school. Guaranteed.
Rebeccah recently posted..Valentine Schmalentine

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68 Deb February 13, 2012 at 9:26 am

I think it is because she has long since lost her sanity because of her kids. Her license has been revoked due to drinking and she just pretends she WANTS to walk them to school.
Deb recently posted..Love is In The Air

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69 dysfunctional mom February 13, 2012 at 9:37 am

Check her arms. I bet they’re covered with track marks.
I hate mornings.
dysfunctional mom recently posted..Tickle Tickle Tickle!

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70 Jennifer February 13, 2012 at 9:43 am

I’m sure Miss Happy takes her Pill, reads her “7 Love Languages” book and puts on her perfect jewelry from her perfect husband before heading out the door each morning, bless her heart!
Jennifer recently posted..Like a Virgin

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71 Jack@TheJackB February 13, 2012 at 10:18 am

Last week two mothers sort of hissed at me for smiling when I dropped the kids off at school. One of them was particularly upset because my children smiled at me, gave me a hug and ran off to class shouting “Love you dad.”

There are benefits to not being responsible for drop off every day. I think the “novelty” was good for all of us. I probably should have told the moms that my kids fight and that I sometimes lose it too, but that would have spoiled all the fun.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..What Do You Need Versus What You Want

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72 tommi February 13, 2012 at 10:25 am

::sighs with relief:: This makes me feel like a bit less of a failure, knowing that I’m not the only one who goes thru this constantly! I often wonder if BRIBING my children to like each other would be acceptable. Lol! ThanxXx for making me feel closer to normal. ~¦^P

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73 Jada February 13, 2012 at 10:37 am

Before you even suggested it I had her pegged for a wino. I’m sure the only way that a peaceful morning would happen would be if EVERY member of my family was sufficiently drugged. …hey…now there’s an idea: Benedryl infused breakfast smoothies for everyone!

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74 Arnebya February 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

The Happy Mother is High. Period. Or, like others have suggested, it’s the car! Oh, I have my days when I am her. They are fleeting (and I am usually tipsy) but remember that owning how we mother is really all we can do. You know your mornings suck. You want them to unsuck. But I’m not going to suggest doing anything differently to make them suck less b/c I’m pretty sure you’ve tried all that I can offer (unless of course you have NOT tried making breakfast while tipsy). My mornings are only smoother now b/c we’ve broken it up: I take the oldest girl and then go to work. If I had to deal with all three at once every day? Shid. Tequila, plain and simple.
Arnebya recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: Beware, Robbers! We Have Bats and Knives and Lots of Vinyl

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75 Greta @gfunkified February 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

I had a shameful moment the other day…we had just pulled into the school parking lot and for whatever reason, I was screaming at my two oldest in the backseat. I look over, and my daughter’s preschool helper lady had just gotten out of her car and smiled at me. I couldn’t even stop from opening my mouth and yelling at them in that split second that I saw her smile. She shut her mouth and walked on. I was mortified.
Greta @gfunkified recently posted..Love Is…

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76 The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful February 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Don’t fret Jill. Ever seen “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest?” Remember how Jack Nicholson ended up? Oh, yeah, happy mom’s had a frontal lobotomy. Best thing anyone could do for her would be a pillow over the face. A pillow. Over. The. Face.

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77 Seriously Sassy Mama February 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Or, her motto might just be screw it, I am going to be happy.
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78 Cat February 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

Right on! Maybe it’s just a conscious choice.
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79 Kimiko January 13, 2013 at 8:03 am

With a 12 year old, a special needs 6 year old, and a 1 year old, that is *my* motto! I felt so bad, reading all the comments, even knowing most of them were satirical, being “happy Mommy,” all the time, not just the mornings, with no further insight than AA advice, “Let go and let God.” Until you said what I was thinking! :)

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80 Scarlet February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Thank you!!! This is me every morning we have to be somewhere. I am not a morning person. Do not talk to me, do not ask me to do anything, do not disrupt my routine or we will never get out of here on time. This works great with kids, no? I love my kids, but for the love of God please be quiet in the car and stop. dropping. things! Added bonus, today I have a raging sinus headache. Yea, me!

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81 Johanna February 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I have four words to describe that:

Morning person vs night owl.

vs doesn’t count as a word does it?
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82 Meredith February 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Dude, I guarantee you that underneath that happy veneer she is ready to crack. Or she already has. “Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha! Oh kids! You’re hilarious! I am so goddamn happy! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…..” You see? Crazy.
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83 Suzy February 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

$10 says she goes home and cries hysterically screaming “I hate my life!!”

At least she does when I imagine it…

if not, she MUST be on a mega crap-ton of mood-lifting drugs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that :)

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84 Galit Breen February 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Vodka. Definitely vodka. :)
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85 alliburg February 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm

When the weather is good I bike my kids to school and it is a BLAST – there’s no yelling – I’m smiling and things are grand. When we’re on a walk it is mostly lovely or out doing something…etc. But get us TRAPPED in the car and I lose it – Happy Susie Sunshine mom is all of a sudden rivaling Linda Blair in the Exorcist!
Even at home, if my morning has been particularly horrendous (awakened my elbows and feet – kids jumping on me and wrestling on me – whining, crying and yelling – them, not me) – there might be some yelling…but for the most part I blame the CAR. A horrendous torture chamber.

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86 Deep Fried Mama February 13, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I really hate those moms.

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87 Meredith February 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Maybe she’s deaf and just can’t hear her kids arguing. That might be enough to make a person smile. :)

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88 sarah February 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I use to be & still am at times that frustrated mother walking down the street i certainly am that frustrated mother before i leave the house, im not a morning person & i dont think my kids are either & so we clash, look at us in the afternoon & then you’l see a beaming smile & happy kids xx
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89 imperfectmomma February 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

pssh….its definitely the pills. But maybe some vodka to add in for good measure. Shoo, I know I hafta take pills – so obviously everyone else hasta
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90 Kate Coveny Hood February 13, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Maybe she’s just a morning person. She may be hell on wheels at bedtime. I know I’m MUCH nicer in the morning than I am at night when no one is brushing their teeth or putting on their pajamas or listening to me.

Honestly – I think I’m a very patient mother, but there must be a reason why every once in a while when I hit a bedtime personal best, my daughter asks, “mommy – why are you being so mad at us?”

We all have our moments…some are just better at keeping them behind closed doors!

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91 JG February 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Trust me, that woman is more messed up than you will ever know. The ones who put up the perfect facade – those are the ones who have the most problems. Sort of like celebrities. They look so slim and glossy perfect all the time, and next thing you know they are leaving the Beverly Hilton in a body bag….OK, that was a low blow (I am actually overwhelmed by her loss). We all knew she had problems, but really don’t sweat the perfect people, because they are not.
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92 Abby Perry February 14, 2012 at 8:00 am

It is simple, she is smiling because dropping them off at school :) that means 8 hours of peace and quiet :) LOL.
Do you ever see her picking them up?
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93 Jacqui Brown February 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Oh girl, you are preaching to the choir. Mornings….BLEH! And my children are grown, still living at home. Because of them I even have an African name ‘Come ere’ cause I hear them saying that all the time. Mom Come ere, Mom Come ere. Sheesh!
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94 Edd Fear February 14, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Could be her kids are like mine. Terrors first thing in the morning and after school, but that drive (or bike ride, on good days) to school seems to flip a switch. They’re like fur-less dogs going to the park: “Oh boy! I’m going to school! I’m going to school! Oh boy!”

So you probably hate me in the morning, too. But trust me, I pay for that happiness elsewhere in my day.

And the vodka sounds like a good idea, too.
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95 Julia February 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

Don’t worry she has botox every 3 weeks to keep up her smile.

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96 alliburg February 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

Botox would not keep up her smile – in fact it would make her look frowny-faced if she had it around her lips. Perhaps she is getting Botox in her frown lines and quite happy she doesn’t look angry all of the time.

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97 alliburg February 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

On the other side of the coin – I’d want to introduce myself to this woman, get to know her and perhaps learn what does make her so happy. I’ve met women that LOVE being mothers and their children’s banter doesn’t make them fly completely off the hook. They aren’t on drugs, do not drink or anything. They have a balance – they have support from friends and family – those of us trying to be supermom and driving ourselves nuts doing so perhaps need to take a cue from them.

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98 Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

Our own special Groundhog Day. We’ve all got that.

I’m amazed by anyone who is happy walking a dog. Mine sucks any positivity right out of my soul.
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99 Cassie February 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I bet she is just a morning person. The fun you have with your kids in the evening, is probably the time of day that is hell for her. From a morning-mama myself, evenings suck and bed time can not come soon enough!!
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100 Kay February 16, 2012 at 8:06 am

She’s happy because she is dropping the little monsters off for the day and she gets to return home, lay in bed, watch TLC with her hidden candy stash. With each step, she’s like: “Oh, yeah…one step closer…”

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101 Susan February 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

You don’t know what she is saying to the kids and laughing about! “Smile, dammit, make it look like we are enjoying the walk in this rain!” “If you touch your sister one more time…” with a happy lilt. Consequences might come later!

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102 Ado February 17, 2012 at 6:55 am

OMG, this was a fantastic post. Thank you so much for writing it because I’m the mom in the car everyday too. I love my kids, I’m not depressed, but I’m that mom looking around at the happy/so-called perfect moms and tearing my hair out wondering.
You nailed that feeling with this post. Thank you for it.

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103 Shell February 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I think it’s vodka. That’s the quickest.

Or maybe she’s just so excited to drop her kids off and be alone.

Though my smile about that usually doesn’t come until the kids are out of the van.
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104 Leanne February 17, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I think she’s smiling because in ten more minutes she will drop them off and have SIX full hours to herself. I bet she’s crying at pick up time…
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105 deborah l quinn February 18, 2012 at 9:21 am

I will be happy mommy tomorrow b/c now I know that other people are also screaming at their children–and their children are yelling back, at least, when they stop yapping at each other long enough to turn their attentions on me. I hate that morning crap and every day before I get out of bed, I say “okay TODAY I will be calm and breathe and all that good stuff.” And then? Let’s just say that by the time my kids get on the bus at 710, it’s already been a long day. If I were in a car and happy mommy strolled by, I’d be tempted to just give her an itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy *nudge* with my car. OMIGOD I”M SO SORRY. (but let’s see how happy you are with a cast on, lady.) Thank you for once again nailing how most of us feel (except happy bitch).
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106 kathykate February 18, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Happy Mom is without a doubt going home and kicking the little dog and burning her kids with cigarettes. You’ll read about it in the paper years down the road and know full well, anyone that happy has one fucked up family! It’s not just normal — normal is Groundshog day, day in and day out. Those are some happy kids fighting in your car: I guarantee it!
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107 Tiffany February 18, 2012 at 11:50 pm

She must be a morning person and those people annoy me too! I am SO not a morning person so obviously I gave life to one! He is 5 and has always gotten up crazy early EVERY day and is running at full steam right from the get go – it drives me batty. I can count on one hand (with fingers left) how many times he’s slept in past 7:30 and even those where when he was sick! It’s wrong I tell you – just ignore her!
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108 Kisha February 20, 2012 at 9:21 am

The walking probably helps, excersise endorphins and all. Or maybe she’s a (gasp audibly for effect) morning person!
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109 Kerrie February 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

Maybe she gets laid every morning. Just kidding! I almost said that with a straight face!

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110 Kerrie February 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

I used to also have a good GAME FACE. Watch closely. She will crack someday. Or follow her home. I’m not suggesting stalking or anything, but …

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111 Boingerhead February 20, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Every coffee should be an Irish Coffee…. :)
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112 Pauline Pietschmann February 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

This is really funny, I have been in similar situations, and you have worded it so perfectly. I agree I would go with the thought of vodka, pills or something else!
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113 Alexandra February 21, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I think she’s a lying pretend to their face scheming fake-0 that doesn’t really connect soul to soul with her DNA.

That’s what I think.

xo

XO
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114 Amber February 23, 2012 at 9:19 am

Here’s my theory: she’s overjoyed because she’s dropping them off at school, and therefore has many hours of scream-free time ahead of her. She’s probably frowning at pickup.
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115 Tiaras & Tantrums February 23, 2012 at 11:19 am

She’s probably stoned you know!
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116 Nicole February 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Happy pills are good for the soul. I think I need some but not for my 2 year, just to deal with my husband… My son and I are both morning people so we do okay :) My husband… not so much. I’d rather not see or talk to him in the morning because he’s an a-hole.

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117 Joanna February 25, 2012 at 11:08 am

I think I could even name that pill… :)
Oh, she has a great sex life… Just saying.

Did you see this episode? Luckily my husband and I figured this stuff out a while ago, but it’s very reaffirming that we are doing the right thing.

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118 Megan (Best of Fates) March 30, 2012 at 8:38 am

Wait, coffee cups aren’t always filled with vodka? That truly changes my view of the world. I’m not sure for the better.
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119 Annie March 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

OMG, I am not a morning person, my husand annoyingly is, so mornings at my house are me yelling at the kids to get ready, yelling at my husband to help me get the kids ready, my husband telling me to calm down and me leaving in a huff glad to not be the one that has to deliver the childern to school or the sitters…lol

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120 Mary March 31, 2012 at 5:05 pm

If I don’t do the yelling, nagging and pressuring in the a.m.(e.g. when I finally let go and tell myself I don’t care if my girls go to school starving, in their pajamas with morning breath & rat-nest hair), my annoyingly laid-back husband takes on the role. That makes me smile. Better him than me! Thanks for the great post!

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121 The Mommy Psychologist April 2, 2012 at 12:07 am

I know mommies like this. I’m pretty sure they are on drugs.

“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.” http://www.themommypsychologist.com
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122 Barbara April 2, 2012 at 9:18 am

Different times of the day good for different kinds of people. I AM that happy Mom in the morning, calm and efficient getting out the door. I am a morning person. BUT God help me and everyone around me after I hit that fatigue wall and turn into a raving, impatient lunatic from after dinner ’til bedtime! FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK, GET IN THE TUB, BRUSH YOUR TEETH DAMMIT!!! No one sees this because it is all under the cover of darkness! No one is perfect. (without meds, at least!).

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123 jane m April 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

this post makes me never want to have kids!! so what is your insight on people who chose to be child-free anyways??

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124 Kiran October 19, 2012 at 9:41 am

I think there are always the glass half full kind of people around at those moments when your glass is half empty and you just want to fill the rest with vodka. I think that God (he or she, however you see God) thinks that its a good idea to show us that so we feel worse about ourselves already, and maybe for us to wonder what the heck we are so damn cranky about.

Or it could just be pills. Yeah, maybe pills.
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125 RachRiot October 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

She’s one o’ them fembots. That pocket on her Juicy sweatsuit is a battery portal. She must be stopped.
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126 Stephanie October 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

Pills. Her cup is filled to the BRIM with pills. Either that, or she starts drinking the second she drops them off. Or she’s having an affair. One of those. Or all of those.
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127 John Waire October 19, 2012 at 9:44 am

…she may just be a morning person :) Call me crazy, but I’d like to hang and document those crazy times in the morning some time. Frustrating in the moment, but memorable and REAL and smile inducing down the road…
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128 Marisa October 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

I needed this today. I left for work 20 minutes late due to my 6 yr old DD w/ special needs having the meltdown of all meltdowns about getting ready for school. I cried for 15 minutes of my ride to work.

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129 Stacy October 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

I didn’t read all the comments however personally I think she smiles the whole way knowing she is leaving the kids at school and gets to go home to a quiet, peaceful house. I type this one handed while nursing a 17mo old, in my messy house that could (one day soon) be on an episode of hoarders, my 3yo is singing (loudly) “Everyday is a rainbow of colors” while clomping around in his 7yo brothers fireman rainboots. I KNOW I would be, not only smiling but laughing like a deranged clown if I was sending ALL my kids to school for 8 blissful hours!! LOL!

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130 Natalie October 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

Brilliant deduction.

Coming from a mom who has Freshbeat Band stuck in her head…

It was a great day….a super way….to spe-e-e-end….some time together…
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131 Becky October 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

She’s definitely on some happy pills. If you ever get a chance to, find out what they are & be sure to share!

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132 Bruna October 19, 2012 at 9:53 am

My husband is not only a morning person, but he’s always, always, ALWAYS happy and playful, and singing, and OHMYGOD stop it already!!! I always tease him that it’s way TOO annoying for a bad mood person like me. :P I hate mornings and I feel miserable every single day when I have to get the kids ready for school. And there’s yelling sometimes as well. However, the rest of my day is usually a breeze (all alone, YEY!), and night time isn’t too stressful. My kids don’t even complain about going to bed! So yeah, I prefer it this way. The mornings are too fast anyways, then everyone’s gone, while afternoons/nights are much longer, so… :)

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133 Carpool Goddess October 19, 2012 at 9:59 am

I’m going with the premise that something other than coffee is in her cup or she’s delighted to drop her kids off at school ;) My husband is a cheerful morning person, so it may be possible she’s one of those too.

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134 The Sadder But Wiser Girl October 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

Irish coffee? A bit of Bailey’s in there? Five Hour Energy? Nah, some people are just naturally that way. Probably lots of yoga with the sunrise. Wish I could pull that off, because geez, I’m not one of them. Even after my caffeine! But I DO enjoy my children immensely, just maybe not between 7 and 8 in the morning!
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135 Heather Buen - Dallas Single Mom October 19, 2012 at 10:02 am

A morning walk is the best form of exercise as it builds endorphins.
The words of Elle Wood from Legally Blonde, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t. ”
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136 Samantha Agar October 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

Your description of yourself is basically a description of me in the morning (and my kids), and I even know a mom like the one you’re talking about! They walk to school, baby bro in stroller and the three of them look like Norman arockwell characters. But instead of letting her bug me, I talk to her when I see her at my son’s school. I think I have a girl crush. She’s just really, really nice, without seeming judgy or snooty or any of the things those REALLY infuriating moms can be. And she inspires me to take a breath and remember that even if I feel like a raging bitch because I do, in fact, have a sore throat from screaming at my kids a few minutes ago, they also know I love them, and they also know I need a f#*!ing coffee. They also know that MOST of the time, I will drop what I am doing to laugh with them (or at them) or enjoy being with them, in the moment. Even if I have to get back to the dishes or cleaning their pee off the bathroom walls shortly after.

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137 Sarah Parisi October 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

This requires more investigation. What does she look like at school pickup time? Is she happy or dreading getting the kids back? Maybe she’s blissful in the morning because she knows they’ll be gone for several hours.
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138 Kate October 19, 2012 at 10:10 am

I’ve been described as that mother who always seems happy. And the truth is, when I’m with my son, I usually am pretty damn happy. But I also share custody of him with his Dad so he’s only with me a few days a week. So when I have those precious moments with him, I enjoy them. That is not to say that he doesn’t get in trouble and really piss me off sometimes but, for the most part, we love being together. I miss him so much when he’s gone so I enjoy the time we have when we have it.

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139 Crys October 19, 2012 at 10:10 am

My children and I have an understanding. They understand that before say noon, I am literally the devil so they mind their p’s and q’s. While, I understand that at noon they combust from holding it all in but, by then I am awake and aware enough for anything life, or the children throw at me.

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140 J O'C October 19, 2012 at 10:11 am

First of all, it’s possible to smile through clenched teeth. And second,well, I am also one of those smiling, laughing moms (and I get confused looks from other women all_the_time). If only they knew how very tedious I find motherhood to be at times, and that to break the boredom I amuse myself by teasing the crap out of my kids. I’m say things like, “Did you know that when you were at school yesterday, I let the dog fart on your pillow?” Or, “You didn’t clean up like I asked. I can’t wait to get home and set all of your toys on fire!”

And I laugh and laugh.

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141 Rachael~Adventures in Wunderland October 19, 2012 at 10:14 am

ha! I was going to go with the pills fromt he moment you mentioned grinning ear to ear! I am a genuinely happy person but I have a morning more like yours~fighting, obnoxious kids-tired, barking mama. I think when they are old enough to drink coffee in the morning my house will be much more functional ;)
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142 Susanna K. October 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

I have lived for long enough in a place that’s not just pedestrian-unfriendly but vehemently anti-pedestrian, that if I were able to actually walk my kids to school you couldn’t chisel the smile off my face.

That being said, I suspect she gets up at 5am or so. By the time you see her, her body probably thinks it’s nearly lunchtime.
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143 shannon October 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

She only has TWO kids and a dog.
THREE kids and a dog is what broke me.
The third boy.

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144 Lindsey October 19, 2012 at 10:21 am

She’s on drugs. Also, she’s smiling because she’s dropping them off and is now Freeeeeeeeeeeeee.
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145 Crazed in the Kitchen October 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

Ha. I am reading this at 7:30 am while both of my boys sit on the couch playing with i-thingys. They woke up early and Mommy NEEDS her coffee and facebook time, so there you go. Of course, now they know that waking early=extra screen time, so I see a wonderful new morning routine being born here.
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146 Taylo October 19, 2012 at 10:37 am

being a guy that was directed to this post…

why is it that women always want to break each other down? So this woman has good mornings that you can see from your car…what you dont see is her at any other point in time.

and before you go blasting me for chiming in…yeah us guys do it too…that includes me…but we dont do it with such anger/angst

We all get jealous of others, what looks great on the outside may not be on the inside…

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147 Deirdre October 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

I would go with pills, too. But my son’s old teacher might be one of those people. One time we showed up at school soaked after having been pelted by freezing rain for blocks (I live in the city). And I sighed and said, “Oh the SCHLEP!”. And she, a native of Michigan apparently hardened by many a winter said, “You know, I kind of like the schlep.”
And there you have it.

This also made me think of a post I wrote way back about making the bus and I unearthed it from a never-posted old blog and just reposted. It stressed me out to even read it!
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148 Carolina October 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

Wow it must me Vodka , or good morning sex
I hate mornings and i definatly got my hate face on.
And then hope and pray nobody dares to speak to me or even worse…
Ask me a question especially a totally meaningless not interesting question.
She drinks Vodka in her coffee , just had good sex or she is manic

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149 Julia October 19, 2012 at 11:01 am

You probably see me on your way to school too..I am the one with no make-up, bedhead of Einstein proportions, wearing a combination of my pajamas and other clothing items I have picked up off the bedroom floor..possibly my husband’s who is not even close to my size..and ratty slippers or whatever shoes were by the door.I am the one praying not to be rear-ended or have any other problem that requires me to exit my vehicle! I am down to one 10 year old so we actually chat not fight. We used to have The Perfect Mom at our school when my olders were little..every hair in place, full makeup, fancy expensive outfits..she never did the curbside roll up and drop off of shame but personally walked her perfectly dressed children to the door everyday. I later met her and found out her life was as about far from perfect as possible so I now try not to assume!

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150 Amber October 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

I think I just rewrote what you said LOL

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151 Elisabeth October 19, 2012 at 11:01 am

Maybe she’s happy BECAUSE she’s dropping the kids off at school.

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152 happy mom October 19, 2012 at 11:03 am

I am THAT mom….but I don’t have the energy by the end of the day, my days top at about 5pm and I’m done, climbing into bed at 7! no drugs, no alcohol…just a happy morning person. But, it all works out great for us because hubby is an evening guy, so he takes over when he gets home…which is a good thing because if I had to carry on til bedtime I would be a witch! Just think, that in the afternoon (or evening) when you’re flying high and at your best you can go “HAH! I’d like to see you now Happy Mother!”

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153 Diana Cote October 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

My daughter is not old enough to be in school yet, shes only 14 months but me and my DD wake up pretty much happy and energetic every day, we sing and play and go for walks, my husband on the other hand wakes up and needs 2-3 hrs to wake up, he and I are just different in the mornings. :)

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154 Mrs.pfifi October 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

No, she is happy bc she is looking forward to the peace and quiet at home, after she drops them off.

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155 Samantha October 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

I have to comment again. To have “good morning sex” – no, scratch that – to have morning sex, I would have to wake up at 5 am before the kids and manage to brush my teeth without waking them up. My husband is most game early in the morning (why ARE men like that), when all I really want is another four hours of sleep. The chances of him rousing me and then convincing me to sacrifice sleep for nookie at that time of the day are at their lowest and if there are any moms having GOOD morning sex with children under six in their house, I want to know HOW! Ha ha.

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156 Deirdre October 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

I was going to say the same thing. There is no such thing as GOOD morning sex with kids in the house. Even if you do manage to get around to it, you then have breakfast making and lunch packing and getting everyone dressed to look forward to, feeling like you need a shower immediately or want to just go back to sleep.
No, it’s pills.

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157 bethlaf October 19, 2012 at 11:15 am

She is not REALLY happy, its a tragic botox accident….
or , maybe if you traded places with her, you could let her grab a big ole bite of the misery pie…

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158 OhanaMama October 19, 2012 at 11:19 am

I doubt it’s effortless; she probably is very intentional in her “zen state.” :-)

I would love to routinely apply my efforts to being happy rather than… Fighting against the chaos of the routine? Life happens, day after day, and it’s exhausting to resist it.

This might be worth an experiment…

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159 Amber October 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

I am NOT a morning person, never have been, never will be…..I know exactly how you feel when it comes to the morning battles and screaming at the kids. However, it’s not a smiling mom that gets me. It’s me looking like a total hag, refusing to get out of my car when I drop my son off. There are mother’s with full on hair and make up done and their son’s or daughter’s are equally primped. I work nights so I literally roll out of bed 30 minutes before we have to leave the house and I always wonder if these ladies sleep…because they appear to have perfect homes and lives, all while I feel like a monster mommy with awful morning breath.

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160 Sarah at Julia's Child October 19, 2012 at 11:26 am

At least she’s not bragging about it. One hot day beside a crowded pool I watched another mom flit about wearing a pink tee shirt that said HAPPY MOM! across the boobs, with a little smiley face on it. Maybe it was just the heat, or the overpowering scent of 50 SPF sunscreen, but it made me feel like belting her.
I have moments of “happy mom,” but I never once had the urge to print it across my chest.
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161 Christine October 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

Maybe she is fantasising about keep on walking after the kids are at school & go live a simple happy life with just her dog. Or some kind of combination of prescription & illegal drug use. Both?

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162 imperfectmomma October 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I could say for me? Its the pills – so I’d go with that.
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163 Jmm October 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The answer is obvious. Clearly, she has a nanny.

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164 Nicole October 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I’m thinking the pills, her and that Duggar woman, no one cand be that calm with 19 kids running around. Pharmaceuticals are the only option!!

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165 MELINDA October 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Im not a morning person but i have to wake up @ 6 to get my daughter out of the house at 6:45 to walk to the bus stop with my neighbors. she is almost 8 and is really independent that she can get herself up and dresses and i dont have to nag about it. i only have to wait until she is awake to remind her to brush her teeth before she gets dresses(she has this thing about doing it after and toothpaste on her uniform would not be pretty) anyway she knows that she gets ready as quiet as possible so not to wake up my 4 yr old who i have to sit next to in my bed so she thinks im still sleeping(yes my 4 yr old ends up in my bed sometime when my hubby gets up for work at 4 i dont know how this started) anyways our unofficial rule is not to talk unless unnecessary (she is a yapper first thing in the morning) so far it works for the both of us.

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166 Kristin October 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I became a morning person in the mid-90s, when I had to be in Midtown at 6:45 am, and then for many years of showing up to teach high schoolers at 7 am.

I much prefer mornings over evenings, but before we leave the house, I’m a banshee. Then, once I know we’re going to make it on time and we’ll make the bus with time to spare and I’ll be able to follow my “plan” for the day – I relax and – holy crap! – smile! No drugs other than caffeine are involved.

Now evenings. Evenings are medicated with wine.
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167 Colleen October 19, 2012 at 2:48 pm

No idea what’s in her coffee cup, but I find that “music soothes the savage beast” has saved ME many times! When my kids get to bickering in the back seat (at any time – the ride home when I pick them up after work is just as hellish as the ride to school in the morning) I queue up a song on my iPhone that I know they like and they’re singing along (and playing air drums) in no time. :)
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168 ButteryMuffyn October 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I know some yummy mummies like this, happy and smiling whilst they drop the kids at school. At least 4 of them have been on or are on meds for depression, and are totally doped up in the mornings, that’s why they walk instead of drive!!

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169 Shelley October 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I often wonder what was missing in my gene pool when I can never be that put together morning mom. Now, I have to be that person in my classroom but at home, no way. I think we should be proud that we are the true person we are…..torn sweats, no make-up and bad hair and all…How do these people get up early on the weekends to get all made up to go to their kids soccer games, etc… Not in my gene pool!

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170 Mercy October 19, 2012 at 11:32 pm

You know, she probably gets some exercise and time to herself before the kids get up. I know that when I do that, I’m happier than the mornings when I get up when the kids do and I have to rush to prep everything to get them out on time.
Mercy recently posted.."He’s a Bad Boy!"

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171 nancy October 27, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Maybe she is just a happy person. Or, maybe she had some God awful trauma in hee life that makes her appreciate the every day little things.

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172 Danielle November 5, 2012 at 8:48 am

I think you are right about there being a little more than coffee in that cup. Either that, or I need to be hooked up with her psychiatrist.

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173 Mara November 8, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Maybe she is excited she gets to drop them off for the day and that is why she is smiling!

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174 Deb November 11, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I HATE mornings getting ready for school. By the time the little shit gets out of my car I am so happy. But then the 2 yr. old is still in the car with me, ugh. Drop her at gram and paps, then I can let out a sigh of relief. Glad to know it’s not just me.

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175 Lu November 12, 2012 at 1:05 am

Hahaha! loved this post! I walked with my kids too…the main reason: my big butt and because I drove a dually truck. The other lovely moms would honk at me because my truck was so big and would get in their way. I found it easier to just walk! And yes I was smiling…it was nice to get out of my house and enjoy the sunshine and no one honking at me!
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177 Kat April 4, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Bet she’s Irish… Or at least her coffee is. Might also explain walking the kids to school instead of driving!

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178 Chelsea April 11, 2013 at 6:42 pm

I am glad that I saw this article. I think I might understand the minor distinction between the Happy Mother and the rest of the parents out their who face their own lack of superhuman powers with humility.

I studied a psychology and my personal passion has revolved around happiness and efficacy. It may behoove readers to know that “Happy People” react to the world they live in differently. They tend to have reasonable, abstract goals versus rigid, ambitious goals. They tend to smile and laugh more and with less prompting. Psychology is learning that they really are different.

And psychologist have also found that you can train yourself to be happier. I am not saying that this will make you any better or worse as a parent. It’s not about your kids (finally!); it’s about you.
Try smiling when you are feeling apathetic and it will help switch a bland mood to a positive one. And give yourself credit for ALL the things you do well, even if the complete product doesn’t turn out well. You can focus on improving it the next time, but happy people tend to let themselves appreciate their own self.

I don’t know that anyone will read this, but I know this has drastically improved my work as a tutor for children and has made me more confident about my emotional future when I become a mother myself.

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179 Arina April 15, 2013 at 2:07 am

I *feel* like my childhood was one of those happy moms personified. My family is bilingual (Russian and English. I studied Latin for four years from age nine and we can all read, though not understand, Hebrew), intellectual (algebra by nine for all three of us and deep philosophical conversations during which I just want to go back to my books during dinner), cultured, foodie (as in, we actually shop at Whole Foods sometimes and the one time we went into Safeway, my bookish 11-year-old self spent the whole time lecturing my family about the dangers of processed food and pointing out that the shine of the apples was from a wax which was corn-based and the corn was grown in ways which literally killed workers) and somewhat better-than-thou. We do sports like ballet and gymnastics and judo. We’re effin’ HOMESCHOOLED. Aaand then, I turned 12, decided that I was an adult now, got into college (I’m a BA candidate at an Ivy League university), and start helping parent my 8- and 10-year-old brothers, especially if only one of my parents was present. And I suddenly realize what a huge pain it is. Making them behave enough that if I look away the building won’t turn into a smoking crater with purple mutant zebras running around, keeping them from fighting with each other, keeping myself from fighting with them, making sure they don’t let on too directly that we think we’re better than the people who’re telling us how lonely we must be homeschooling, finding their judo gis because even though it’s their clothes and I picked and put on my clothes all by myself since I was five, they can’t keep track of their uniforms, making them breakfast because my parents are really not morning people and don’t get up before 11 or 12 because between homeschooling and dad being a co-founder of a software startup wherein they all stay up ’till thee AM coding or something (maybe they’re just playing Eve or Infinity Blade 2 or Starcraft together) they don’t have to, making them actually leave playdates, ever (my argument usually goes something like ‘I have homework, and if I don’t do it, Harvard will give lower grades and that will lower my GPA so your not putting on your shoes and getting in the car RIGHT NOW could potentially ruin my WHOLE LIFE’), etc. I’m so sorry for all those fights I got into with my brothers and the temper tantrums I threw and all those times I couldn’t find my shoes now.

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180 Shefali dietitian in Dallas tx April 25, 2013 at 9:02 am

Ladies..I am exactly like that mom 70% of time. I was completely not morning person but after having baby I have turned into morning person (he is 2.5 now, & I m typing while I am few weeks away to hold newborn). I figured out that I m getting scary mom..& decided to take time for lot of self talk. Formula I almost quit working …only 20 hrs a week..when I m working I see myself looks more like scary mom yelling at my toddler & 2 dogs…all 3 stretch me in 3 directions… But when I m not working I m always smiling like that mom..because I m so relieved..because I get lot of my time once my son is gone to his daycare, even though I m not working full time, my son almost goes to daycare full time…so I think we can keep ourselves calm better if we have little time every day bases..I m definitely self employed to have flexible schedule & I m letting making money part go..& definitely have upset husband whose wife is not making enough as neighbors wife does….who cares…I m happy with what I have choosen..:) see I m happy & smiling typing this..

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181 Rebecca May 17, 2013 at 5:01 am

She could just be super happy because at last she got herself and kids out the door and she knows very soon they will be in school and she can get a break from it all. I always feel more stressed at home with the million and one things I still have to do waving a me. Or it could be plastic surgery gone very wrong (like the joker in bat man) and she cannot stop smiling

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