How to be the Most Embarrassing Parent in the World

103 Comments

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I’ve been in the trenches with little kids for a while now. Car seats and Pull-Ups and picture books and plastic mattress pads and grilled cheese sandwiches have been my life for the past eight years. Slowly, one by one, those things are all making their way out of the house in return for some new things that accompany bigger kids, instead of little ones. Some of those things are very good, like the ability to fend for themselves in the morning, and some are very bad,  like the fact that I am quickly becoming the most embarrassing parent in the world.

Recently, I’ve been asked by my daughter to wait inside for bus drop off instead of escorting her to the door, to change my outfit on three separate occasions and not play music while there are other kids in the house. If my own history is any indication, we have at least a decade of this crap ahead of us. Instead of moping over this development, though, I’ve decided to embrace it. If they’re going to think I’m the most embarrassing parent in the world, I will be the most embarrassing parent in the world, dammit.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far…

1. Blast Broadway show tunes and belt out every last word, with the windows wide open.

2. Send elaborate love letters in lunch boxes.

3. Chaperone a field trip wearing a “Team Lily” t-shirt.

4. Cheer loudly and animatedly at sporting events.

5. Carry adorable, naked baby pictures everywhere and whip them out to complete strangers.

6. Talk in goofy, made-up foreign accents to their friends.

7. Answer the door wearing a bright green face mask and plastic shower cap.

8. Dance like a crazy person when 80’s music comes on in the grocery store.

9. Dance at all, ever.

10. Use silly pet names in public. Loudly.

11. Force them to wear matching outfits for holiday photos.

12. Label their clothing with smiley face hearts around their names.

13. Shower them in constant kisses, wherever we may be.

14. Pick their noses.

15. Welcome the bus with a fully choreographed cheer.

16. Yell “I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!” at the top of my lungs as the bus drives off.

17.  Use saliva to wipe off their dirty faces.

18. Wear a bathrobe and slippers to school pick up.

19. Maintain my blog.

20. Breathe. (I’m thinking that’s probably enough.)

Comments

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  1. 1

    Mom Off Meth says

    One of my favorite is to blast “It’s Tricky” from Run D.M.C. when picking up the girl from middle school and getting out of the car for some poppin’ and locking. The LOVE when that happens!!

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    • 10

      Agora says

      My 13 yr old is “Boo-Bear”. When his attitude gets on my nerves I whip that out shamelessly. The bigger the event, the better. On the upside, I think it’s starting to turn him into a pretty polite little gentleman… Who said fear isn’t a great motivator?! ROFL

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  2. 11

    Erin says

    I constantly threaten to hold up signs at their sporting events with their nicknames on them… Funny how they want to hear those names when they are upset & crying!! Luckily they still like the love letters in the lunch boxes, but with the oldest finishing elementary school this year, it might be my last one.

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  3. 12

    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes says

    Is it wrong of me to admit that I’m looking forward to embarass the hell out of mine? I think of it as some sort of payback for their terrible toddler antics.

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    • 13

      Sarah says

      I am too! I actually got goosebumps readng that list. Payback for all the times they did something like yell in the grocery store, “Mommy why is that lady so FAT?” or “Mommy look at that man! He’s in a wheel chair! Are his legs broken?”…

      This is going to be GREAT. Especially because I remember my own mom doing most of these, and I can laugh hysterically about it now but at the time I.Was.Mortified. The circle of life :)

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  4. 17

    JenniferG says

    Pretty much anything I do devastates my tween/teen. They favor the phrase “like a boss” so now I do everything possible to use it in front of their friends. Always good for a giggle.

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