The Mother In Law Prenup

The moment you bring a baby boy into the world, you start to wonder when he’s going to leave you. That’s right. You know that one day he’ll leave you for another woman — even though he’ll propose to you all through toddlerhood and tell you that you are the only girl for him.


You’re already quite certain that the woman he marries will probably resent you for being so awesomely cool. And you’re betting she’ll do whatever she can to break the strong bond you have with your sweet prince. Women say it’s good to marry mama’s boys, but they don’t really want to deal with the mama part.


My husband has told me time and time again to cut the cord… no f*****g way! I’m waiting until that thing rots and falls off. I mean, for how much longer is he going to say “I love you” when he walks out the door, or hug me in front of his friends, or ask me to lie with him at night? Frankly, I don’t know, but I won’t be the one to stop it.

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If he’s 40 and wants me to lie with him and scratch his arm, I’ll be all “Move over, Megan,” or whatever his unappreciative, son-stealing wife’s name is.

Let’s be honest: he may be five now, but before we know it, he’ll be shaving, and driving, and then he’ll leave us to go to college somewhere cold. Then he’ll get married and move to be near her mother, because that’s what girls make boys do: move near their mothers! Then he’ll be a father, and then one fine holiday he’ll have “wifey” call us to cancel our plans. Then he’ll try to make up for it by sending one of those Harry & David gift baskets filled with pears, because he’ll remember that we love pears, but they’ll be bruised — like our hearts.

No, we can’t go down that road. We have to take a stand against son stealing right now.

We’ll make those Jezebels pay… no, sign! Yes, a contract for us to make them sign, besides the pre-nup. That’s right, like using WiFi in Starbucks, they’ll have to agree to our terms.

This is a MIL-nup, and it goes like this…


  • I will compliment my mother-in-law’s (MIL’s) cooking, her decorating, and, most importantly, the incredible way she raised her son, my husband.
  • I will marvel at my MIL’s beauty and miraculously never-aging skin every time I see her.
  • I will acknowledge that my MIL’s son is on loan to me so that we can make grandbabies, which will probably look like her and have her wonderful traits, which I will mention in conversation frequently and with great fervor.
  • I will remind my husband to call my MIL daily, saying, “Have you told your mother you love her today? You should, she rocks.” Plus, I will throw in phrases like this:.

         “That amazing woman raised you! You should call and thank her… again.”
             “You can truly never thank her enough.”
             “Let’s go over and thank her in person.”
             “We should bring her a gift when we go.”
             “She’s so deserving of gifts.”
             “Let’s take her on vacation with us.”
             “And get her another gift.”
             “Maybe a beautiful locket with pictures of you and our children.”
             “No, I don’t need to be in the pictures; she didn’t raise me… unfortunately.”

  • I will tell other women that their mothers-in-law are not as fabulous as mine, and I shall be willing to throw down in the event that said women disagree.

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  • I will take my MIL to her weekly hair salon appointment and shopping at Loehmann’s, when it is deemed necessary by age.
  • I will spend all holidays with my husband’s family, because they are so awesome and gracious, and I realize how much mine sucks by comparison.

And lastly:

  • I will move to be near my MIL, whether she has retired to Century Village in Florida, decides to live in a nudist colony in Arizona, or goes bat-s**t crazy and moves to Alaska for the fresh sushi. She is so wise and wonderful that I’m sure her choice of habitat will suit me and my husband perfectly!

Oh, and:

  • My MIL can so live with me and my husband when she’s old and can’t remember who I am.

There. You can print this to be signed when the inevitable happens. I just saved you from losing your sweet, sweet boy.

You’re welcome.

About the writer


Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind The Suburban Jungle. A card carrying Gen Xer and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Join the insanity on Facebook and Twitter.


Julie 12 months ago

I hope this is a very good joke because I did laugh at it. For me it’s obvious there needs to be balance, respect and not get this psycho.

MomOfBoys 1 year ago

Awful. TheOtherLisa has it right; shoot me if I ever act that way to my FDILs. My own MIL has given me a perfect example of how NOT to treat a DIL. MIL should visit only when invited, never ASK for an invitation, use the “fish” rule for duration (no more than three days), only help/intrude around the house if asked, never assume ANYTHING (never assume invitation, never assume what gifts to buy kids, never assume others available to do her bidding, never give advise). Just relax MIL; you did your parenting, now let us do our parenting our way.

ummmm 1 year ago

My first mil was a nightmare, until I divorced him and he moved in with a lovely woman who makes me look like a queen. All of a sudden my parenting decisions were perfect.
My second mil is still a bff. She loves her son unconditionally, but knows he is not taking his meds and is therefore a bit off. No blame and we are both trying to help him.
I am currently watching my son sleep and while that is the sweetest time, I am sure that he will marry one day…and I am sure she will be awesome!

Anne 1 year ago

I actually have a relatively good relationship with my MIL, we’ve even talked about going on vacation without the men (with my SIL) because the relationship is so good. But I lived in constant fear for years that when I found “the one” his Mom would hate me, or be totally dependent on him. My StepDad was a huge Mommy’s boy and it used to drive my Mom crazy.

Actually my MIL and my Mom get along really well and are very friendly with each other, whenever MIL is in town my Mom has her and her hubby over for dinner. That is great for me because I don’t feel like there’s a Mom contest.

I love living near my Mom and detest the area MIL lives in (too cold), but MIL wants to move back here (it’s where she used to live) anyway so it’s all good. I really think that a bad relationship with a MIL can spoil a romantic relationship because it puts the guy in a really difficult spot.

Oh and for the record my parents love my man too, so the family blended really easily. Yay!

Kaci 1 year ago

This is insane. I live with a mamas boy and it’s terrible. He always put his mother before me and that is wrong. I have a son and he will grow up to respect his mother but always put his wife first bc that’s what real men and fathers do.

janet 1 year ago

Jenny…I totally love your post, it is meant to entertain and to mot take it personal like other women did. I truly enjoy your writing, I have to say that I love my son(1 year) more than words can tell, and I don’t want him to ever leave. After my first son passed away, I didn’t think I could ever have kids but I was blessed with a son, I love him twice as much because it reminds me of his brother. Maybe one day I will be able to have an amazing DIL who’s going to love me and understand that my baby boy is my world, I know once she has kids she will see things in a different way. Values are important in our family, if you raise your children in a loving way they would never stray from you.

MrsL 1 year ago

My ex boyfriend’s mother was a lot like this. EX boyfriend. The worst part was that she made her son crazy with her nagging and he constantly lied to her to avoid it. Every time she would come to town he would hide every bottle of alcohol in his basement storage locker because she would go through every inch of his place. He would pack up all of the things that I kept there right down to the last bobby pin and he would even make sure that none of my hair was in the upstairs bathroom drain because she thought that I had no business being upstairs there.
The final straw was when he surprised me with a trip to Disneyland for Christmas. We couldn’t just go and have a great time. He had to get his sister to help him come up with lies to tell this woman so that she wouldn’t be upset with him taking a trip with a woman who he wasn’t married to. He kept getting souvenir pictures and he bought some really nice frames. I asked what he would do with the pictures when his parents visited and he said that his plan was to just hide them until after we got married. I pointed out that he had date stamped all of them and made him tell his parents the truth.
The scary part was that if he was so good at lying to his family then what was he capable of lying to me about? We broke up a little while later and the last I heard he was bankrupt, divorced, and living at home again.

tiffany 1 year ago

Haha no. No. Just as bad as the son stealing wench!!!! Daughter stealing stinky man!!;

Tina 1 year ago

Wow that’s all kinds of crazy! I hope my son finds a wonderful wife but you’re never gonna have a good relationship with your DIL if your don’t cut those apron strings. I seriously am so happy I have a sweet MIL, and not a BSC one who thinks she’s part of our relationship. I want to be seen as more than a baby incubator, this post was all kinds of ewww. You have a husband for a reason stop trying to have an emotionally incestuous relationship with your son.

Cbro 1 year ago

i have a son of my own, and I know one day he wi find a woman that makes him happy..
What’s wrong with this post is that when MILs say this shit or even act like they hate the DIL it only pushes the son away.: to move farther away.. The more you get along with her, the better the relationship will be. My mil is fucking nuts and I’m supposed to comply on her time.. My life is supposed to stop when she chooses to do something because she does not “make appointments to see her grandson” which is bullshit and it’s all my fault that her son doesn’t stop by and see her (he works out of town so when he comes home which is twice a month – he spends time with his son who is only six months old) shes the queen of pity parties and guilt trips.. She has also made the comment that my son and I are NOT his family they are.. We have a really close relationship with his dad and his dad calls me once a week I check on me and the baby. We’ve been thinking about moving out of state away from both of our families and I was told that I was Not Going to take her grandson out of state. I’m in charge of my family, and I’ll do what I see is best. MILS need to back the F off .. I know the day that my son leaves me for another woman will kill me.. But I know without certainty that if I treat the woman in his life with respect than they’ll More appt to visit and to be around me.

    MrsL 1 year ago

    So true! My MIL – who is usually great – went psycho on me last Christmas over nothing and it drove a huge wedge between her and my husband. My husband is still annoyed with her and we will be seeing her for the first time in a year soon.
    We need to realize that our sons don’t choose us to be their moms. They love us but they don’t choose us. They do however choose their wives.

Annie 2 years ago

This is disgusting! I have 2 beautiful boys and 2 twin boys on the way. I am excited to teach them to pick a healthy marriage and hope to have my “girl” someday by being a great MIL and maybe and grand daughter. I am divorced now to a son of a mother just like this and it was gross watching it. I could feel her resentment of me and her excitement and niceness when we ended. It is unhealthy and boarders insestual roles minus this act of intimacy of course. My hear will always be broken from this man I literally tried everything to love. Now because of the lack of support from a MIL like this I have 2 boys who have to switch homes and whose little hearts have been broken too. He could never do any wrong in her eyes and if she would have just stepped up and told him to man up and be a good husband and stop fearing loosing him; (Which was unrealistic anyway) she would have had more love then she could ever imagine. Again disgusting and dreadfully unhealthy post.

    Cbro 1 year ago


    janet 1 year ago

    It is meant to entertain not to be taken literally true, sorry to hear you actually have to live it! But you have had to know your ex husband was a mama’s boy.

    Kaci 1 year ago

    Amen sister. I’m right there with ya. Mamas boys are the worst. My son will love me but always put his wife and children first.

Arashi 2 years ago

My mother’s ex-MIL was at times a truly evil witch who seemed to delight in hating my mother because she was simply the Daughter in Law, to her oldest son, but my mother kept it locked up tight, I had no idea’s of the evil’s that the elderly lady I lived with and loved so much could conjure up…Until my aunt on my father’s side conspired with her to throw us out of the house. I couldn’t understand it but now I do… Because of us. My mother and father separated last year, and I miss my grandmother….I missed how she used to make me laugh over silly things, sing me a lullaby…I wish I could remember that lullaby involving my childhood nickname…I haven’t heard it in years… And I never will again…

My grandmother died of cancer three months ago…And my mother rose up to unbelievable levels to make it easier on me. She took me to see her one last time when she was alive, and she did something I considered amazing… She kept any hatred towards her in. She didn’t tell her that she hated her, or anything else she wanted to say. My grandmother had her moments of kindness as well… She wasn’t the perfect MIL, she could’ve been better but she was my grandma…And I loved her so much. My mother took me to her funeral, where she again…Did something amazing…

She forgave my father…. I saw them in the hall hugging and I felt like…That even if it was broken up now…I was still part of a family. We’re not the perfect family, goodness no, there’s no such thing as a perfect family. They never got back together, but they don’t hate each other…. But that day, sitting between my mother and my father I felt like for a short time…We were connected again…

So…To all you future mother in law’s of the world who think us daughters will be coming to steal your sons… You better hope you have a daughter in law who’s anything like my mother…. And you better fucking treat them right…

    Arashi 2 years ago

    Also…. If I have a son… I sincerely hope I raise a man who’s worth marrying off to some lucky girl in the future…And if I have a daughter…

    Watch out. She’s coming.

Christie 2 years ago

I am blessed with the best 8yr old and 24 yr old sons. My oldest still tells me he loves me and hugs me in front of his friends and girlfriend. Sometimes, when he’s over visiting me, we both lie down on the bed and have some of the best and most heart revealing conversations. My husband, not my oldest child’s father, has repeatedly remarked on this since we started dating. He says he’s never seen a mom and her son as close as he and I are and is “in awe” that the oldest says I love you and hugs and kisses me good bye in front of his friends. I’m a little shocked to because I always new he’d stop when he became a teenager. He never did.

Thelma 2 years ago

All I could think while reading this is-do you do any of this to/for your MIL? I don’t and never ever will. I mean her son married me and never returned home. Holidays aren’t spent with her. Ever and never will be. Mainly it’d because I can’t stand her. I just hope to be a better MIL so that my DIL wants to spend time with us.

Jane 2 years ago

Face it. Whether boys or girls, our children will eventually grow up and have lives of their own. Our responsibility as parents are to help this happen, not prevent it. I can only hope that my son is eventually “stolen” away by someone who loves him as much as I love his daddy.

As for DIL existing for the purpose of producing grandbabies that is one of the most selfish, wrong-headed ideas ever. We are there to love and support their son, not act as a breeding machine. My MIL started whining about grandkids before my husband even proposed. We decided to wait a while then ended up with infertility issues. I’ve actually left my MIL’s house in tears because she kept talking about us having kids while we had been trying for years. We finally ended up with our beautiful little boy, but I will never be able to forget how her selfishness made the worst time of my life even worse.

Stephanie 2 years ago

I don’t really buy into this stereotype, although you guys are freaking me out a little bit, since I have 3 sons and no daughters :). My mom and I really didn’t have a close bond, and I’m a girl! I left her on the east coast and moved to the west coast, where I live with my husband, near his family. So he is the wench! The birth of my children has helped my mom and I grow closer, and we put a high priority on visits, FaceTime, and being a part of each other’s lives. But I also love my MIL and think she is fantastic. She doesn’t try to control my husband but still pours out all her momma love on him, and on me too. She watches my kids once a week so I can get out of the house. She loves my kids and is a rock for the whole family. I hope I will be like her when I am an MIL.

Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense 2 years ago

OMG SHUT UP JENNY!!! The whole post I was like WHO IS THIS FABULOUS WRITER and I got to the bottom and saw your name and squealed! Hilarious, riotous PERFECTION. I laughed out loud MANY times. =)

christina 2 years ago

I’ve figured out that if I LET HER THINK he’s still her boy — no problem. Typical telephone convo: “oh Im just putting a pot of coffee for *insert hubbys name*” “oh im just fisningisng up the laundry and putting ‘sons’ socks and underwear away…. ” oh were having chicken (his favourite) for supper, how do you do yours up again? (she inserts her recipe here)”. the key is to LET HER THINK a) you are waiting on her son hand and foot, and b) you need her help to to a good job. Then she loves you because her precious little baby (in her opinion) is getting the treatment he deserves and she believes shes teaching you how to do it right. Meanwhile, I get off the phone and laugh my ass off…. he can make his own coffee and his own supper, he can wash his own clothes while hes at it too LOL. Its all politics and ive found that letting her believe that I think she I the Martha stweart of homemaking/parenting….. it just easier. PLUS she’ll always be in your corner willing to help…why? well you are trying to be just the kind of mom/wife she was…. right? lmao

MBK 2 years ago

Oh! My MIL–Mom of 3 boys definately thinks Im a whore who stole her son! And yes, she made us live with her for the first 5 years of our marriage—saying she and my DIL want to share every second of their grandkids’ first years! It was horrible and claustrophoic. We were able to move out when Hubby dear heard her on the phone rant on about how we were living off of them, even though we were making so much money–so the ‘bitch’ aka me could save for her luxuries! That was it, and we moved, thank goodness.

When I was preggers for the 3 time– I had hoped for a boy– after having 2 elder girls—but when it was a girl, I knew God had a plan. Coz I had always prayed that I do not become like MIL and the truth is, putting myself in her shoes, I’d probably be possessive about my boy too and hate anyone who ‘took’ him away. I was spared the pain and thank Goodness for it! :)

3 boys 2 years ago

Yes my name says it all. 3 boys. :-) My oldest son is 14 & starting high school in the fall. Girls are an annoyance to him right now but some day very soon some little tramp is going to steal away my baby. I’m not ready.

Suzi 2 years ago

Did my MIL give you this pre-nup? Sounds about right! And since I fail to do each of things every single day I have been labeled a son-stealing tramp with no worth beyond giving her a grandson! I will weep bitter tears when my son leaves me for some worthless wench of his own, but for now, I implore you: don’t make your DIL’s life miserable! Your son may just consider moving across country in an effort to cut the apron strings from around his neck!!! Which the DIL will be blamed for, and cursed at, of course.

Chris 2 years ago

Well, I have to disagree. I can’t be the only one who thinks “God bless the woman who marries this boy and gets him out of my house.”

nutmeg 2 years ago

So glad my husband isn’t that close with his mother.

KEBMAMA 2 years ago

I know this is supposed to be funny but I just don’t get it, essentially you are saying you plan to be the MIL every woman dreads and eventually their sons resent? If your son ends up with a horrible woman remember they often gravitate toward women that have similar traits to their mothers and maybe you are just getting a good look in a mirror!

M 2 years ago

My MIL hates all of her kids spouses, but when it comes to me and my husband she won’t talk crap to our faces because, unlike her other kids, she knows my husband will cut her off instead of listening obediently.

Sometimes I wish she would be a bitch outright just so we can have a reason not to talk to her anymore.

Michele 2 years ago

I LOVE this! I am also a “son stealing floozy” apparently! Buttttttt, the kicker is that my POS MIL really wasn’t in the picture while my DH was growing up. She preferred to party all of the time and let my SIL take care of him. NOWWWWW she wants to act like she was this PERFECT mother and grandmother and try and tell me what I’m doing wrong, how she could do it better, how I’m raising our children so wrong, how she needs to be with us all of the time for everything. Hell, it took me exploding like a craZay bitch to even get her to move out of our house when 6 weeks turned into a year when she lost her house.. etc etc. this list could go on FOREVER.. I hate her. She’s pathetic. So, I hope to never be that MIL. I only have 1 DS and 2 DD’s and I NEVER want to go all bat shit crazy when my DS brings home a little lady. Thank God though that I still have YEARS before that happens (he’s only 7months old!)

Maddie 2 years ago

I just wanted add….I really really hope this is a joke. WTF.

Michelle 2 years ago

I feel bad for your future DIL… You seem like an uptight, controlling bitch MIL and your son and his future wife will go RUNNING away from you.

    Sarah 2 years ago

    I second this!

TravelMumma 3 years ago

This is hilarious! As the mum of one child – a boy – who got married last November to the most gorgeous girl ever, I was so looking forward to gaining the daughter I’d never had and having my beautiful son live forever happyin love. My problem isn’t my gorgeous ‘jezabel wench’ DIL but her over the top all controlling Mother! Oh my goodness – watch out for the other MIL – the future Sister-Mum. I thought I had a great relationship with DIL’s Mum until the eve of the wedding when in the kitchen this woman banned me and my husband from the rehersal telling us ‘it has nothing to do with us!’ – this was hands-on-hips stuff, then at the reception told us we weren’t allowed to present the happy couple with the suprise honeymoon – the honeymoon that was organised by both sets of parents, but all what SHE wanted. Why is she did she do this when I thought we were ‘mumma-sisters’ – because I ‘encouraged’ the ‘kids’ to move away to another state – that is I didn’t stop them from leaving our area. DIL’s mother lives up the road from us. Now they’ve moved back because they are having their own little rug-rat and she’s got a whole nursery set up in HER house! So beware future MIL’s of sons, it’s not the DIL you need to worry about….IT’S HER MOTHER!!!!

Jen 3 years ago

Your kid is probably gonna run outta the house the minute he turns 18 cuz if this. I hope its a joke and you let him live his own life when hes older.

Amanda 3 years ago

If my husbands biological mom ever came up to me and wanted me to sign this….even in jest, I’d spit in her face. Fucking HATE that woman, just the sound of her voice makes me want to punch old people,puppies, kittens, and infants all in one!

Destinee 3 years ago

…You ladies have just made me very happy I’m not married. I have two boys, though, so now I’m totally dreading their marriages, should they get married (which, BTW, hadn’t even crossed my mind until I read this! Gah!)

Priscilla 3 years ago

According to my ‘soon to be mother in law’ I’m white-trash, filth, my daughter from a previous relationship is an ‘ugly little monster’ She attacked me from behind, attempted to ‘kill’ her self (when in reality is was all an act) Went as far as to text my own mother telling her we’re waiting for her to die to cash in. She thinks the world owes her something, and I should apoligize to her. (I’m sorry, for what?) The list goes on and on! Some would ask why I’d stick around, well I love my guy. I love him enough to have tolerated this for almost two years. Thankfully, the contact between them is almost non-existant but here is the kicker, I work with her.(She is the one who got us together, two months after, I turned into a white-trash whore) I often ask myself, what in the world did I do to land her for a mother in-law, but at the end of the day I can only pray I’m nothing like her when the roles are reversed. To those ladies who have a good mother in law (or one who is not THAT crazy) appreciate her, because trust me it could be worse.

Jeannette 3 years ago

I loved these suggestions when I first saw them a few months ago… so I used them to help wish my Mother in Law a happy birthday. I hope I gave her the recognition she’s been too kind to ask for all along.

Allison 3 years ago

I have little sympathy for women who marry men who have such a bizarre relationship with their mothers. If you didn’t know, you didn’t do your research. If you did know and married him anyway, you’re probably crazier than his mother. Not to say men with crazy mothers aren’t worthy of a relationship, but if they can’t/won’t see her for what she is…RUN!

Kina 3 years ago

I’m the MIL. My DIL has hated me FOREVER. It breaks my heart. I wish I had a good relationship with her, but everything I do is wrong, ever since she started seeing my son when he was 13. They have been together since, she randomly decides that she will no longer speak to me, tells my daughter that she sometimes can’t stand her because “you remind me of your mother” and NEVER ever tells me why or try to talk to me about it.

She hates my sense of humor. If I try to treat her like one of my kids, I’m awful, if I try to treat her like a friend, I’m awful and if I ignore her I’m awful.

I don’t get involved in her relationship with my son, even though she tried to sabotage his college career because she felt threatened (she refused to go to college at the time, although she’s now decided to go and is on the Dean’s list) but because he did and persevered, she is able to be a stay at home mom for their kids, well, until she decided to go to school, but she doesn’t have to work.

She tells my son that I was a horrible mother to him and criticizes me for not going to their place, but when I go, she opens the door, looks at me and says “oh.” turns around and goes to get him.

He was a mama’s boy, which is now what she says to him when they fight as an insult, but he is a wonderful husband as a consequence.

I wish I knew how to change this, but it’s very difficult to speak to a wall who doesn’t respond to you.

My only consolation is that THEY have a son, as well. That’ll show her.

shama-mama 3 years ago

Yay, i have 3 daughters. Will never have to deal with a wife. I never realized how sadit is that a beautiful relationship of husband and wife breaks the relation of mother and son.

Jessica 3 years ago

I hate my MIL. Maybe if she wasn’t so horrible to me, then we would visit or spend time together. She’s vindictive and cruel and manipulative because she wants to control everyone, but why the hell would we want to spend time with her when she is going to insult and criticize us all the time?! She is like poison. I can’t tell you how long I spent trying to please her, and now nobody cares anymore. Just don’t be like that.

Sara 3 years ago

I find this funny. My only hope for when my son gets married is that she treats him well and if they have kids she’s a good mom. I’d prefer a son in law prenup honestly.

Wiss 3 years ago

What goes around comes around. So I guess keep how you treat your MIL in check.

The Arabic word for MIL (hama) is a word that rhyme’s with blindness (ama), thus punning the Arabic saying “A MIL is (like) blindness!” Interestingly, the word for daughter-in-law is the exact word for “Calm down” (kinneh).

Shanan 3 years ago

Things I’ve learned from my MIL:
1) don’t be a martyr
2) when you give your time, money etc. do so without making others feeling guilty or that they owe you, just do so because you love them.
3) If you raise your son/daughter to be strong caring individuals , they will keep you in their lives no matter where they live.
4) When you truly care more for your children then yourself , you show it by being there, not by smothering them. Show up, listen.
Not everyone has a MIL like mine but what we can do is try to raise or kids to choose people who would not accept a spouse who would not care about family.

Meredith 3 years ago

I hope my daughter never meets your son!!

Evalynn Rose 3 years ago

And someday, my perfect and beautiful daughter might be someone’s DIL… and that MIL will be infintely lucky should that happen – that broad better be all kinds of *grateful* … or else.

I mean… I’ll be doing the wedding invites so you KNOW I’ll have her address.

Secret Me 3 years ago

Ugh. Mine actually wants her son and only her son to spend the night to wake up on Christmas. She actually gets upset and throws a fit that this doesn’t happen. He’s 29.

The Reviled One 3 years ago

Oh good Lord.

My MIL believes this with all her heart. I’m horrible, I’m a Jezebel, and I’m the dirty little whore of a woman who stole her precious “man” away from her.

I realize you meant this as funny. But it’s not when you have actually had a MIL who actually says things like that and has tried to DO some of those things. My MIL tried to hold my husband’s hand at our ENGAGEMENT DINNER! That is not normal or healthy. She threatened to kill me over an inside joke hubby and I had. She threatened to end me if I “trapped” him into marriage by having children. She STILL thinks, after all of this, that she will move in with us.

Laughing at mental health patients isn’t a good precedence to set. It makes life so much harder for those of us who are actually dealing with it in real life.

    Secret Me 3 years ago

    It’s comforting to see I’m not the only one. I honestly don’t understand what these women’s problem is. This attachment is crazier than crazy.

MomMom 3 years ago

I have TRIED saying half these things to my MIL and she is still a wretched bitch! She had a terrible relationship with her son (my fiance) all of his adult life, yet decides to find some way to pin it all on me. She treats me like the blacksheep and has seen our son a handful of times since he’s been born (he’s 2!), and most of those times were me being the bigger person and going to their house to visit. She has made his whole family dislike me and it puts me, and my fiance, in a terrible position.
She has taught me EXACLY how not to treat my future daugter in law! My dear son is the only child we are going to have and I look forward to having a daughter some day!

zeemaid 3 years ago

Too funny and it’s weird how on the DIL side of things, we want the MIL to cut the strings already. But looking at my baby boy (he’s 5), I’m like… no way you’re going to move away from us to be with another woman.

    janet 1 year ago

    I hear you! No way I’m letting my little one be taken away from me. After all those years of trying, I finally got my baby boy….I will keep him with me forever!

Tiffany 3 years ago

My hubs is an only child… a very-much-loved only child! He’s the biggest Momma’s boy (in fact he has told me that if it came right down to it, he would always chose his mom over me because she squeezed him outta her “special-spot”!)

My MIL though…she is the sweetest woman in the world! She loves me more then my own mom (who loves me plenty!), and calls me her Sunshine!

We’re expecting our first baby in April (gender unknown) and if it is a boy, I can only hope to be half the MIL she is! She fully believes that she didn’t lose a son, but gained a daughter!

Dee 3 years ago

Well, I am blessed my mil loves me to death. But we treat each other with respect so it’s a two way street. Took me under her wing and has always treated me like one of her kids. That is what I plan for my dil, if my son ever gets married lol. He’s 31 and happily footloose after being a rocky relationship for a few years – and darn, he says no grandbabies from him :( . I love him dearly but he’s his own man and I did my job raising a smart, independent, wise man. Now I have to love him from a distance because he is busy, but should I need his wise advice or help, he is here asap, as I am for him. And with texting, he is never far away!

So, am I the only who sits and chats with my mil and talk about our respective husbands’ annoying traits? LOL she takes no offense and blames it all on his dad. Hehehe, I totally agree, we are saints…..

Amy 3 years ago

With a MIL from crazy town. I thank God every day that I have 2 girls. I will never be ‘that’ MIL.

Jane 3 years ago

I have nothing but respect for my ex-MIL. Sure she used to get on my nerves sometimes but deep down I know she loves my daughter – even after the the divorce – and only has her best interests at heart, even if it’s not how I would do things. I will never forget the effort she made to help me out with our wedding. My own mother is wheelchair bound and wasn’t able to come with my dress fittings or be very involved in the wedding prep and my MIL was incredibly gracious about helping without ever making me feel like she was imposing her tastes or taking over. She is a very classy lady and I aspire to be as kind and generous of spirit as her.

deana 3 years ago

Just one word… Perfect.

Maggie S. 3 years ago

At my wedding shower, everyone took turns giving me some marital advice. My future MIL’s? “Don’t complain about him to his mother.” Out loud. In front of people.

    Jenelle W. 3 years ago

    I have heard (and believe) very different advice. Complain about him to his mother (she will ALWAYS love her son and already knows his shortcomings). But NEVER complain to your own mother about him (she already hates him for taking you away from her). I think it works…after 6 years of marriage, MIL and I get along well. And my mother and husband get along well too.

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 3 years ago

I’m a mother of girls. So I might be raising a wench that will steal your son one day, one never knows. If one of them does I promise they can live near you, wherever you are living.
I’ll just move too…

Grace 3 years ago

In all honesty that’s how I really feel about my MIL. She is so kind and gentle. She’s generous to me and my children. My mother has been a verbally abusive drunk for most of my life and she terrifies me. It’s so nice to have someone who is kind and caring to me. We don’t live anywhere near to either of our parents, so that may make a difference. But I love my mother in law and I hope that I am like her when I grow up.

    Tanis 3 years ago

    What a beautiful post! I bet your MIL adores you!!

Dawn 3 years ago

My MIL is awful and I pray I am. Nothing like her. She hate me from day one. She told me on my wedding day that marrying her son was a mistake. Then she told me when we got pregnant that was a mistake. And then on the delivery of my 2nd child, she actually yelled at me on the phone when I was in the middle of labor because I wasn’t willing to have my labor stopped so she could be there. I have a son and a daughter and I hope they both have awesome MILs. And I will be totally sad if they move far away and I only get to see them every other year, but I certainly don’t want to be the over bearing you have to do a anything on my time schedule type of MIL either. And I totally get the 2sons idea.

Bonnie 3 years ago

Steph from Momma Be Thy Name shared this link and I LOVE IT! And I know just who I’m going to pass it on to!

Stephanie 3 years ago

You know, I’m so mired in toddlerhood here that it never occurred to me anyone in this house will ever go anywhere. You’ve inadvertently provided a light at the end of the tunnel. And I love this. Except you should add a Hawaii clause.

Jeannette 3 years ago

A while ago, my MIL sent my husband the book ‘Love you Forever.’ At first, I was creeped out by the vivid pictures of the growing man crawling into his Mother’s arms, but of course I was in tears by the end. My husband is such a loving and thoughtful father because of his parents and now we get to pass that on to our daughters. Perhaps, even a son, some day.

Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

This is funny to me, but definitely not something I relate to. My MIL is way too attached to my husband, and it makes it really hard to be an independent family. I don’t really care if my sons want to live near me forever. I don’t know that I would even want that, because I will still be young enough to want my own life and to not be a full-time baby-sitter.

Melissa 3 years ago

DS is only 3 but I too worry about the day he leaves me. This sounds like such a great idea except for the fact Ive done eveything on this list to my MIL :/.

She is an alcoholic thats raised 2 alcoholic sons. Now my SIL & I are left with the aftermath of that. She never offers to help me out with DS3 and hasnt come to our house to visit in over 2yrs (we only live 35mins from her). So I dont feel bad about about buying a house with my mom, who at this very moment is snuggling with my chicken pox riddled son.

But I will NEVER be like this to my DIL. Never.

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

I have a hard time picturing my guys with families of their own. I just hope it happens later rather than sooner, mostly because they aren’t in any way ready for it.

And I hope their lucky ladies don’t hate me for all their bad habits! 😉

Reba 3 years ago

My son’s first wife, (though I did love her) was much like the jezabel you described. Now I have a daughter-in-law who loves me as much as my son does. She is more like my daughter instead of an in-law. So mamma’s out there, there is still hope to have that daughter-in-law that you deserve.

Tara 3 years ago

As a mom of 2 boys who are, as we speak, fussing and screaming “MOM!” every 2 seconds I would gladly give them to a girl who is willing to put up with all of their craziness. However, tonight when I’m putting them to bed and all the sweet hugs and kisses start, with the “I love you Mommy” and begging “Will you please sleep with me tonight?” I will change my mind and vow to lock them in their rooms until they are 50 just so I can keep them here with me. Hmm…maybe DILs and I can work out a timeshare?!

Not Winning Mom of the Year 3 years ago

I have 3 boys, and this is will be hard for me. But with all I have in my, I cannot apply these rules/this contract to my MIL now… just. can’t.

Samantha Chavez 3 years ago

Really?!? Half of you on here are complaining about your mil and in the same sentence cursing your future dil? Really?!? I mean come on ladies. Can we say hypocrite? What about your daughters huh? You want them to have the mil from hell? You want them to be referred to as a son thieving wench? Do you want her to move hours away to be close to her mil? Lead by examples. I can honestly say I love mil to death. She has 2 boys and was glad to have a girl in the family. I hope an pray when I have a son he grows up and marries a woman who loves him will give him the world and take care of him. I mean come on you bitch about your mil being in your business and criticizing you.. Just imagine if you act the way say your going too I can only imagine what you dil will have to say about you. In fact it might be kind of funny and someone out there will be there to say I told you sooo!

    Melissa 3 years ago

    How fortunate for you that you have a good MIL. But not all of us can say that.

Annonymous 3 years ago

If you have a mother-in-law like mine, you know this is in no way funny. It’s great that you love your sons, but seriously, if you don’t cut the cord, they will be maladjusted, unhealthy, and unhappy. Be good to your future daughter-in-laws. The abusive mother-in-law needs to end with this generation.

Tanya 3 years ago

I got a good laugh over this post, I am lucky that I have a fantastic mother-in-law that I love dearly. I can see wanting to require these things from my son’s future spouse, though! I’ve got a ways to go, my boy is only 2 and I love every second of hand holding, snuggling time.

Kim 3 years ago

This is perfect!!!!

Ninja Mom 3 years ago

Oh yes. I’m not letting my son go without an ugly, threapy-required scene. That bitch, who ever she may be, will not steal my little man.

Unless she’s a he, in which case, OMG two sons!!! I know he’ll love me. I will totally babysit their adopted baby and move to a gay-marriage-friendly state to be never my “boys.”

Oh, and my 3 girls can come visit us, too.

    Ninja Mom 3 years ago

    Ahem “therapy.”

Emma 3 years ago

I actually WANT my son to grow up, fall in love, and have a happy marriage. The whole end goal of having kids is to have them go out into the world and take care of themselves at some point, right? I could probably find this post humorous if my MIL didn’t treat me this way… I know how much it sucks. :/

    Leigh 2 years ago

    THANK YOU! I am in complete agreement. If my son doesn’t move on from me when he grows up, I didn’t do my job right.

      Ashley 2 years ago


      My Mil treated me like literal dog crap on her shoe. I tried for the better part of 10 years to make things work with her but after she repeatedly tried to force us to bow down to her as queen, (she actually calls herself that. She is the queen and should rule over us all) my husband cut ties with her.

      See because she wasn’t letting him live his life. He was an adult and had every right to make his own damn choices. She still blames me even after he point blank told her he wants nothing to do with her because she has NO RESPECT for him as an ADULT!

      If my son ever looked to me as an adult to make his choices for him or put me ahead of his wife and children than I have failed miserably as a mother and I would be so deeply ashamed.

Amanda 3 years ago

So true. Idgaf if my future dil loves me or not, she tries to make MY boy move away ill cut her, no joke.

BonnyBard 3 years ago

“I’ll be all, ‘move over, Megan'” – hilarious. Also, that is probably me in thirty odd years, because thankfully my son is half Italian so will never marry before he’s thirty-five, at least. And that’s when he’s moving out of the house. Or maybe not, maybe they could move in with us…

Lori@TheLyonsDin 3 years ago

Oh. There’s a blog post in me just waiting to come out. Ladies, keep this in mind too. Someday the cute little girl your son marries may just be the one to wipe your ass and wipe your chin and cup your boobs into your bra. That’s what I’m doing for my mother-in-law these days.

    janet 1 year ago

    Bless your heart! I’m not ready to do that to my MIL, when she had a stroke I sent her to her mother’s house instead. Let’s be honest, that woman is evil to me. Someone else will have to deal with her.

Mom Off Meth 3 years ago

Oh my god. I hear you honey. I have three boys. I’m ready for the wife (or husband?) to come take over and they are only twelve, nine and nine (twins, duh.)

My soon to be ex-husband’s family was much like this above. But no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn’t like me. ME!! What? Anyway, I am going to give him back now. Maybe they can cook him a little longer and he will be done enough for me someday?

Tabbitha 3 years ago

I relish the thought of someone else taking over with the training and socialization of my 3 sons! I envision myself the kindly mil type, listening with a patient ear and a doe eyed expression of “Goodness, I don’t know where he gets that from, he was not raised that way.” oh, and we have one rule: NO high haired bitches or types that will cause me to feel compelled to lay tarps before she sits on the furniture.

Heidi Bryan 3 years ago

Uggghhh…I never remember the http://

Heidi Bryan 3 years ago

Loved this :) My husband tells me every day I have to cut the cord from my sweet little dude. I tell him to kiss my ass and smile. He assures me that some woman is going to hate me one day. I believe it…but isn’t that my right??? I have to deal with his mother…

TheOtherLisa 3 years ago

I have a son, my youngest child. He’s an adult, though still single. If I ever act entitled to be treated to *anything* in this post, then shoot me. Because I’ll deserve it.

    Jenelle W. 3 years ago

    I agree TheOtherLisa. I see the humor, I laughed. But I am SO thankful for the mother-in-law I have. And I will strive to be even better than her when my two boys marry. We can all laugh and joke but I hope that every mother realizes that her children will grow up and become independent. I’m just hoping that when that day comes, I’ll be invited to participate in their lives in some way.

realmomofnj 3 years ago

None of this made sense to me when I was marrying my husband. WTF was up with his mother? Holy hell.

And then I had a son. Ooooooooohhhhhhh.

My boy might only be a year old, but now I totally get it. I’m printing this and saving it for the next 25 years for the day he brings home his own son-stealing wench. I will be prepared for her.

Roshni 3 years ago

As a mom of two boys myself, I found this piece so very sweet. And, then I saw the comments and I’m telling myself, ‘Cut the apron strings f***ing NOW’!!!!

Jennifer 3 years ago

While being the mother of three boys I want to agree with this, but I can NOT follow it myself. My MIL I’d with us for the weekend and had the nerve to go in my bedroom, in my closet, dig through my clothes and steal my robe because she didn’t bring warm enough clothes to the Midwest in January. While this alone wouldn’t be cause for freak out, this is the tip of the iceberg. The woman has literally taken my clothes home with her because she took them out of the dresser and wore them while she was at my house. Among other absurdities. :-(

annemorson 3 years ago

My mother in law doesn’t know she is…We never told her we were getting married…why? because she verbally abuses me, pokes me, and tells everybody and anybody I lock
her in the bedroom with a sandwich and a cup of tea….And no.. no.. she is not ill or poorly she is naturally nasty……Blesssssss her

Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac 3 years ago

This cracked me up…Especially the bruised pears/hearts!

Son stealing wench 3 years ago

I so can’t share this, print it, like it, acknowledge it publicly in anyway…..WHY you ask? My Mother In Law! I am a son stealing wench who has ruined her son. I am in total control of my husband, who has no mind of his own and I am the only one who makes decisons regarding the raising of her grandchildren. By the way all those decisions are wrong anyway. Her son would never be so foolish. PS I am using an alias to post this….

    Anonymous 3 years ago

    Ditto! My MIL is awful. In years past I have done everything in my power to include her and be nice to her. She still treats me like shit, constantly guilt-trips my hubs/her son, and basically ignores our daughter. I had the best intentions but now I just sit back and let her be her own worst enemy.

    SWOB 3 years ago

    My friends and I have had this very discussion about how our MIL feel like we’ve stolen their sons from them and treat us as such. We’ve even jokingly started calling ourselves the Saucy Whores of Babylon… Because they think that only a SWOB would have the cunning it takes to “steal” their son away…

    Agree 3 years ago

    LMAO…..I thought I would be the only one!! His mother is crazy!! She told me I ruined her son also. My reply “the best thing I did was get him out of that house” ! Our wedding present was to throw her out of the wedding, she made it threw the ceremony that about it!!! Couldn’t agree more with you!

      Son stealing wench 3 years ago

      Son stealing wenches unite! Mine sends birthday cards to my kids telling them to have Daddy bring them to their house for a visit. My husband looked at me and said “when did we get divorced?” Thankfully he sees shes a nut job.

        Anon 2 years ago

        That’s funny!

Jenny 3 years ago

Well, in my role as son-snatcher, I actually tried just #1 and #4 for the first 12 years of my marriage, and maybe that’s the reason it has been an epic fail. We’re going on our 14th year–and now I only do #4–and things with ol’ Cut Apron Strings are the worst they’ve ever been. Funnily enough, I have made myself my own sort of MIL contract to sign–one to remind me not to get so batshit crazy toward my son’s spouse when the time comes. Confession: I hope he’s gay so that I just end up with ANOTHER son, and my new son-in-law’s mom and I can breathe a big sigh of relief together and be best buddies. (That’s totally how that would go, right?)

    Jenny 3 years ago

    Wait! The MIL-DIL relationship has been an epic fail…not my marriage!

    Amanda 3 years ago

    “I hope he’s gay…” made me lol. I thought I was the only twisted person who secretly has had those same thoughts!

      JulieBouf 3 years ago

      Lol…I’ve been saying the same thing since my son was a baby. “So that I can be the only woman in his life”. As long as he finds a way to have babies, it’s the perfect scenario to me :)

      momtomany74 3 years ago

      Nope-far from it! LOL.. My baby’s donor is gay and amazing and I only hope gay genes are, I don’t know, ‘inherited’? LOL

Julie 3 years ago

Yeah, I have the aftermath of this though. My late husband was a HUGE Mama’s boy and it was no big deal until he was diagnosed with incurable cancer. He left out information from his parents trying to protect them from the ugliness of cancer. Now that he is gone, it’s all my fault. I was 39 & trying to navigate my two young girls and myself through the grief process and they blamed me. We did not “do enough” to find a cure. I wasn’t a good enough Christian for God to provide a miracle. Now a year later I am a slut for dating someone else. they believe that I have a revolving door of men in and out when reality is that I am in a committed relationship and it was nearly 8 weeks before my girls met him. He literally had to
say to me “I am falling in love with you, not going anywhere and it’s time for me to meet your girls.”

so I implore all moms of boys not to be this extreme because it will only end up hurting those around you.

    dana 3 years ago

    That’s disgusting. How could you have saved him? Make yourself sicker with worry? Like you wouldn’t have done ANYTHING, no matter the cost. What is it about having boys that turns on the crazy gene? I’m so sorry for your loss and the situation resulting.

    Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

    Wow. That’s horrible. I’m so sorry you’re being treated in such a way when you’ve already been through something so difficult.

    heathermccollam 3 years ago

    “so when I pray, I pray I never grow to be that way” (2Pac). You keep your chin up, beautiful. Don’t let anyone’s poor judgement and hurt make you feel bad(ly)? about yourself. You know the facts/truth. You know who and what you are & who and what you are not, even if no one else does. Denial of truth does nothing to change it so don’t let it change your loving soul. Stay strong & good. Have a little faith.

tracey 3 years ago

:) I wrote something similar to this but on the serious side. It’s a real fear, isn’t it? Because we as women DO run the families and if there isn’t a connection to the man’s mother, then that family gets left out. I am so grateful that I love my MIL…

    Melissa 2 years ago

    This was the best! As the mom of 3 young sons, that has always been my rant. I will always be the MIL. :-(
    I love this! On a serious note, I am very thankful that I love my MIL.


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