Sunday Stilwell
Latest posts by Sunday Stilwell (see all)
- 6 Perks to Having an Autistic Kid - October 26, 2012
Being the mother of two children with autism does have its perks.
Don’t get me wrong, My boys certainly bring out the “extreme” in parenting. However, when I talk with my friends who are raising neuro-typical children and I listen to their many frustrations in raising them I have noticed a number of difficulties we do not share. In fact, I have a much easier time of parenting the Trouble Brothers because they don’t engage in many of the “normal” behaviors of their NT peers.
1. No Whining. My boys do not whine. Ever. They may scream loudly like wild banshees at times when their developmental limitations prevent them from using words to express their dissatisfaction with something but they never resort to that incessant nails-on-the-chalkboard whine that lasts hours and leaves a mother white knuckling it through the day.
2. Lack of Sibling rivalry. Growing up with two sisters I remember the antics we used to pull that left our mom wanting to sell us to the gypsies. Every trip in the car, grocery store visit, and family photography was laden with the whines of, “MOOOOMMMMM, Caryn poked me!”, “MOOOOMMMM, Sunday touched my new Barbie and gave it cooties”, “MOOOOOMMMMM, Molly picked her nose and touched my pillow!” Truly, I don’t know how any of us lived past the age of 10.
Thankfully, I have never had to experience this with my own children. My boys tend to steer clear of one another and will gladly enjoy their own books, videos, or toys independently from one another.
3. No Fashion Awareness.“But MOMMMMM, everyone has more Silly Bandz than me!”, “I can’t wear THAT! All the kids will make fun of me if I don’t have such and such jeans!”, “I am NOT wearing anything that comes from Walmart Mom!”
Thankfully the Trouble Brothers will never utter these words. Individuals with autism do not recognize the social desire to fit in and follow the crowd. They are their own crowd and they like it that way.
4. Lack of Greed & Competition. Thankfully my boys don’t spend Christmas morning counting who has more presents than the other. If money is a little tight and they only have one present on their birthday they are overjoyed with what they do have instead of being mad that there wasn’t more. In fact, I can visit the local children’s consignment shop and buy a gently used toy for a quarter of the price of a new one and they could care less. They are happy to have anything that is new…even if its only new to them.
5. Not hearing “WHY???” Endlessly. If there is one thing I am most thankful for in having children with autism it is that I never have to listen to the barrage of whiny ad-nauseam “WHY?” questions. In general, individuals with autism do not tolerate not knowing what is coming next. This is why the question “Why?” makes them uncomfortable. The autistic mind prefers knowing the answer to a question before asking it. At the very least, they prefer a simple “yes” or “no” answer over the unknown that can follow the question, “Why?”
6. Routine. My kids have a very set routine to their day to day life. Their diets are boring and quite limited but those limitations also make meal times a snap. I know that as long as I have bread, cheese, and chocolate chip cookies in the house the boys are set for life. Noah has a definite addiction to Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers but other than that my kids are easy-peasy eaters. I don’t have to listen to my kids whine and complain that they are having peanut butter and jelly AGAIN or that they want to try those expensive yogurt snacks all their friends have in their lunch.
Similarly, the boys love watching the same DVDs and episodes of Dora the Explorer or Yo Gabba Gabba over and over again. And while I do sometimes complain about watching Finding Nemo for the 1,342,893rd time I am happy knowing the same movie makes them laugh in all the same spots each time. Its simple and yet, beautiful.
I’ve never been a Pollyanna optimist but I am neither a cold-hearted pessimist. Instead I find myself being more of a realist and reality dictates that when you raise children with autism, whether it is high-functioning Aspergers or a diagnosis of profound autism, its imperative that you find the joy in the small things. Like the above.
{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }
I absolutely loved reading this post about the “Trouble Brothers”! It was very refreshing & obviously written by a mother who loves & adores her sons immensely. So glad you shared this with us!
Kelley recently posted..Today we salute you- Ms Tortilla Chip Basket & Tea Refiller!!
What a fabulous way to start the day! Its nice to hear the story from a different perspective than the typical feeling sorry for the parents. I wish we could get through one day without any of the above listed things. With an 8 year old and a 1 1/2 year old, you just don’t, except maybe sibling rivalry (though I’m pretty sure that is to come)…..
I love Sunday. Her attitude inspires me, and her funny tweets always make me smile.
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Things that scare parents…
Sunday – Beautifully written way to look at the up side of things. AND though I KNOW all the other hard stuff you go through, you are right, some of these things are unbearable for us – happening right now as I type as a matter of fact. Thank you so much for sharing so openly about your biys – it is refreshing.
lynn @ Maven of Savin recently posted..FREE A&38W Big Taste Meal
This small list IS a big deal…beautiful post.
Rebecca recently posted..Weekly Winners
what a gorgeous post, thank you for sharing all that with us.
as the mom of “normal” ha……twin boys, I enjoyed reading this and seeing how you love those boys of yours .
I’ll be over to your blog to read about your amazing sons.
Kir recently posted..Remembering Daddy
Sunday, this was wonderful! Parent’s of autistic children are the most patient people I know and also have the best sense of humor!
I love how Finding Nemo can garner a laugh each and every time. :)
Kelly recently posted..The Wonder that is Halloween
Thank you so much for this list, things like this are refreshing for mom’s with special kids! I can relate to much of the list lol I have been blessed with 5 kids. 3 on the spectrum and 2 typical. So I guess I get too deal with both worlds.
Amanda recently posted..So this is my blog
No whining at all? Sigh. I wish my friends were more like that.
HA! I know what you mean!
Another great perk I forgot to mention in the post is the lack of drama when the boys are sick or hurt themselves. They don’t “milk things for all their worth” in an attempt to get sympathy or attention.
When they are sick they are the same as they are all the other days of the year, just with a runny nose and a cough.
Now THAT is a quality I wish my friends and family shared!
I completely agree. My son has his good days and bad days, but being sick doesn’t phase him at all. He’s usually pretty chipper, but he has random moments throughout the day when he’ll start screaming for seemingly no reason. It’s just a fact of life for him. I hope he doesn’t change too much as he gets older. He’ll be three soon, and was recently diagnosed as being on the spectrum.
I had a friend who lived with us when her hubby got discharged from the Navy. So we had her, her hubby and her son. I would have taken 7 of her son who was Autistic with Sensory processing disorder and a few other things then his parents. He was a joy, even with all the autistic tendencies. They on the other hand were a whole other story
Angel recently posted..Cancer free after being sent home to die Every day I learn something amazing
It is all about perspective. I say that a lot, but it is so true. You always have good. Sometimes you just have to look for it. I will try to do that tonight with my nagging, screaming, whining, begging, fighting NT kids. Thanks Sunday!
Jennifer recently posted..Stuff I learned at Bloggy Boot Camp
As a father of a awesome autistic son… I really loved this read. I too reap the benefits of “why” not being asked very often. My son sees everything in black or white. He has trouble processing the “gray” areas. It’s black or white, right or wrong, yes or no. I can think of so many “perks” I could add to your list. His superior intellect has to be highest on my list. He’s been able to READ his ABC’s since two. He can tell you the names of all of Jupiter’s moons, and the details about them. He’s forced ME to learn just so I can help feed that hungry brain of his :)
Please forgive a shameless plug of his story my wife published last month. I’m very proud of it. It’s titled: “Emerging From Autism: One Boy’s Story”
Thanks so much for this wonderful post. The autism road can be a hard rocky one to travel. But thanks for reminding me to pause and smell the flowers that are growing alongside it.
Lee H recently posted..Hyland’s Teething Tablets Recalled
I read your post and then clicked over and watch the video by Mary Beth Neuvalis… first let me say, the video was so well done and she really did capture the beauty of your boys. She also captured the beauty of you and your marriage.
The funny spots in Nemo really are still funny, although I’ve only seen it 342 times. :-)
Ally
Ally recently posted..Post It Note Tuesday
The news story Ally is referring to can be seen here:
http://www.extremeparenthood.com/2010/08/our-family-and-autism.html
Thanks so much for sharing! It’s good to be reminded of the perks sometimes.
It reminds me of my all-time favorite quote from a t-shirt at an Autsim Support Group meeting: “If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.”
Good Stuff.
My older son has developmental delays (autism testing to come next month) so while he wouldn’t be on the severe end, he definitely has some of these perks (like “why” and not caring what he wears or asking for this or that toy/fad/food).
S Club Mama recently posted..The Invisible Woman
sunday is one woman who never ceases to amaze me and i’m better for knowing her.
I’ve been a big fan of Sunday’s since she won the SoyJoy contest here. This was incredibly moving and incredibly funny and this was my favorite line: “Individuals with autism do not recognize the social desire to fit in and follow the crowd. They are their own crowd and they like it that way.” Man, oh MAN, that is perfectly miraculous. Thank you so much for talking to us, Sunday.
dusty earth mother recently posted..Are Mean Girls the product of Mean Moms
I adore ya, you know that. What you may not know though is that the grace and humor with which you approach not just the boys, but everything in life, is awe inspiring to me. You take my breath away lady. Would that I could be as amazing as you. Well and also that my hubby looked as hawt in a kilt as yours!
Yes, I do have one amazingly handsome kilted man! Thanks darlin!
Sunday recently posted..My cup runneth over
Oooh I have one. My daughter only drinks water. I don’t ever have to worry about her wanting soda. She can’t bring herself to drink anything but water and the very occasional lemonade (one particularly brand).
Jennifer recently posted..The Special Needs Child Jacquelyns Story
YES! My boys will not eat ANY candy, cake, soda, or any of the typical things kids want and cry over not getting.
Very refreshing post. It’s always inspiring to read someone who views life from a positive perspective. Thanks :)
toywithme recently posted..Win a LELO INA!
This is where raising a kid with high-functioning autism or Asperger’s can be a challenge. You still have to deal with the BS that kids of NTs bring, yet deal with some of the BS that kids with autism brings.
Cheryl D. recently posted..Kids’ Television Shows and Asperger’s
I know what you mean! As much as ASD makes me want to pull out my hair sometimes, there are so many bright sides I try to remember- many the same as yours!
Jill recently posted..So here it is! my first giveaway!!!
I just loved this post. :)
Jen recently posted..What Its Empty Again
Ok, you’re right! There ARE perks!! I agree with all of this- especially with the fashion part since I have a girl. Plus, I probably won’t be dealing with the catty mean girls getting to my bird- they’ll have to get through me first anyway. Grrrr!
Dani G recently posted..Fall Swap 2
I have three kids. The one with autism is almost definitely the easiest. Yeah, I’ve probably (definitely) cried more tears over him than the other two, but since he was a baby and would play quietly for hours to now when he, like your guys, doesn’t whine at all. Awesome.
Maybe the best thing though is when your kid with autism does something cool or learns something that you might take for granted with another kid, you get the most amazing feeling. Like, when Jack lied for the first time. Awesomesauce. For real.
Stimey recently posted..Godspeed- Little Friend
Absolutely LOVE the fact that my kiddo has no clue about the value of gifts or fashion…. huge plus! Not understanding the concept of time has its perks too. The sibling rivalry schtick…..still have it. Damn, I wish we could get rid of THAT one! He doesn’t get the WHY behind anything, but he needs to tantrum anyway….yeesh.
Thanks for sharing your perks….it helped me realize that they ARE there!
Chris
Chris P-M recently posted..Project HAPPY FACE
I do not have nearly the proper words to describe how much a adore you. Beyond. You? Are something beyond special.
Stefanie recently posted..dear glee sex pots
Sunday,
I admire you so much. You are SuperMom. Really and truly. And those boys? are soooooooo incredibly lucky to have you.
Woohoo for getting to guest post here at Scary Mommy’s place, too!
;-)
Erin Margolin recently posted..Wedding Redux- or- My Husband Agrees To Marry Me a Second Time
Ahhh! I love Sunday! Great post. You have such a healthy and admirable perspective on life.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..Nash-Vegas- 10 Years Ago
This is hilarious and yes, Sunday – you’re totally a Twitter addict.
beckie & the grub recently posted..Worth Every Penny
This is absolutely awesome, Sunday! I am so glad to share a last name with you even though we aren’t related. Wanna be my sister? :) Anyway, I think these things all the time! My son is so pure and loving and kind too and smart!
I don’t know how you do what you do but I’m glad that you do it. You are an awesome mommy and an excellent writer. Thanks for showing us the sunny side of autism. I have many days where I could do without the whining ;)
Fadra recently posted..Three People Who Need a Good Night’s Sleep
Clearly this means you need to come for a visit and we can trade for a few days! :-D
Sunday recently posted..The Autism ShoutOut
I love your post and perspective. You rock!
Another Suburban Mom recently posted..Wednesday Wickedness
Oh yes…..
If I hear one more time “there is a special place in heaven for parents of special needs children” I will gag!
There are sooo many things I get to automatically opt out of due to my kids (massive sleepover invites, seriously overcompetitve children’s sports, and many B-day invites at Chuck E Cheese to name a few) They make me feel so lucky to be their mom.
NotReallyComplicated recently posted..Everyday Play Shaving Cream
I love your outlook!!! I wish my sister could feel the same way. She feels like a victim in raising her boys. So refreshing.
Awesome post! As the parent of a teenager with autism, I can totally relate.
Emma Jayne recently posted..So My Mother CalledPart 1
As a mother of a son on the spectrum i totally relate to this…ty for the happy side of autism!
Bless you for finding the positives! You are inspiring me to do the same :)
I LOVED this list. Especially # 6. We have also watched Finding Nemo 75,000 times, he still loves it. Blues Clues never gets old for him.
Raising a child with autism is SO hard and SO frustrating some times – he needs his routine…but it helps keep us sane too.
And NEVER have I heard “Aw Mac’n'cheese again!?”
(Mom of 2 boys here, one with Autism/one without)
I love this post it is amazing what a routine will do! Even though the days we just cant keep it are really hard, I have the best kids when the routine is good.
So very happy to have found this! Thank you, Sunday!
Thank you for this post! It sums up how great kids with autism are! So many articles and things on the internet always seem like doom and gloom and your post is so positive! LOVE IT!
Whenever my family shares a weekend trip with their families, I always find the other siblings arguing about one thing or another. It can get pretty intense. I then look at my son and ask “Aren’t you glad Kayla has autism?” He looks at me, smiles, and replies “Oh Yea.”
I, too, have two boys on the spectrum. As much as I love my many neices and nephews (all neuro-typical), I could not imagine parenting them. The whining and the ‘why’s, the skipping certain aisles at stores for fear of more whining and tantrums and never getting to leave them again, the rivalry and competition – I don’t know how my siblings and in-laws do it!
I have said before that, yes, if I could somehow “fix” my boys and make life easier for them, I would in a heartbeat… but I would never do so if it changed one thing about their personailities. They are perfect the way they are (with the atypical behavior and their uniqueness) and there is absolutely no need to “fix” that.
I do not have autistic children, but i was truly touched by this post. You have such an amazing outlook. Your boys are so lucky to have you!
Beautifully stated!
Thank you for writing out what I feel everyday. my son makes me feel so special to be his mom!
This so hit home… most people’s response to hearing my youngest son (14) has autism is a version of: “sorry, that must be so hard” … I then get to tell them that he never fights bedtime, puts all his clean clothes away the minute he sees them stacked on his floor (even if it is multiple times a day), empties his level of the dishwasher whenever the clean token is on the counter, does all his homework, piano practicing, and other chores w/o complaining as long as they are listed on his afternoon To Do white board list, and all this without ever being prompted by parents. Not that there aren’t challenges as you know, but reliance on routine, rules and structure is a definite perk!
I loved this, people always say to me “it must be so hard”. My answer to that is….. Your challenges are just different to mine, it’s just that my daughter won’t come home with a tattoo, a tounge piercing, stay out all night with boys or want really expensive clothes and the best part is she will always want to do things with me like go to the movies. Not so bad after all!!!