Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, (Lily, Ben, and Evan) quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.
@scarymommy
NYT bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Fond of curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.
@jaimeparker So happy to hear that - thank you!!! - 18 hours ago
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
{ 209 comments… read them below or add one }
in her holy name, amen.
amen
In the name of all mothers. Amen.
A-freakin-men!!
Amen!
On a day when I just found out that I expecting my second child, and couldn’t be happier or more scared, this is just perfect. Just do the best you can do, and let other Mom’s do the same. Thanks for this!
Congratulations! What amazing news. I’m thrilled for you. Two is so much more than twice the fun!
Congratulations! May you have a happy, healthy, wonderful pregnancy and delivery.
Congrats!
Love this! Amen!
Amen. Well said.
Love this! Hope people hold onto the truth within the humor. Great post.
Ditto.
Love that, very true and honest, I can relate to almost every one of them. Love it. :)
Love everything about this. Especially the part about motherhood not being a competition. And the part about not passing body-image issues down to my own kids. I needed this today, and I’m thankful you posted it.
This is perfection! I need to send this to my niece, who is newly pregnant with her first baby.
Perfection! I hereby swear to uphold each and every one.
Hear, hear! This should be printed, lamenated, and framed in every maternity hospital room and baby’s nursery in America!
I agree!
I agree. At every PTA meeting place and church nursery also:)
I’ll third this. It also needs to go home with each newborn in a pamphlet.
Yes! ~so right…
Kristen Mae recently posted..It’s Too Soon For Awards! (But I’ll Take It!)
Very well put, absolutely perfect!!!
Where were you when my kids were babies? I was the most insecure person on earth. I clearly remember a woman behind me at the grocery store asking why I was buying formula. How could I?! A couple of weeks later another woman asked me why I was using a bottle. I did not know either of these people.Complete strangers. I promptly fell into a deep dark post-partum depression. That was the first child. I could not breast feed after #2 was born because I needed antidepressants pronto. The nurse yelled outside my door, “Room 16 is the only one not breast feeding!” They sent a counselor in to talk to me. Fortunately, I was ready for her. She left my room quickly. My children are 10 & 13 now. These incidents were a long time ago, but still sting. Stop judging. You do not know a person’t story.
Omigosh! What crap experiences On top of dealing with depression. You Poor thing. Congrats for making it as a fab mOmmy in sPite of it all!
You. Are. Genius.
Well put! Great post.
In fact, let’s apply these rules to EVERYONE we meet; mothers, fathers and childless. Why the judgment? Why do we judge others? Why do we even CARE?!?
OMG this is AWESOME!!! I hope to god it goes viral because SOOOOOO many women need to see this and follow it religiously.
Love! LOVE! Can not wait to hear you speak at BlogHer!
I’m not usually one to ever say “all moms should…” but I’ll say it here. All moms should live by this!
Awesome- I love it! I need to print this and put it on my fridge.
I love this. We could all use a little more peace and a little less squabbling!
You need a book. And a talk show. And a feature film. You are my favorite voice on motherhood, EVER.
Totally agree!!
Love. This must go home with every new mom!
I’ll drink to that, cheers!
Oh, I am so in love with this list. Absolutely every line is valuable. LOVE ESPECIALLY: “Motherhood is not a competition. The only one who loses is the one who races the fastest.”
That line is perfect!
Yes! Please plaster this in every school and on every playground. Nicely said and a great reminder for us all!
Awesome!!
A-freaking-MEN!!!
“• I shall not preach the benefits of breastfeeding or circumcision or home schooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business.”
This. Too many people inforce their opinions on others and they shouldn’t.
This whole list is something that EVERY mother should live by. Thanks so much for this ^_^
A-freaking-men!!!!
~ut_mommy
I take the pledge.
Love this! Especially about the candy at the grocery store! Gotta do what you gotta do :)
Realizing that I don’t need to like anything specific, just love this as a whole. Ok, maybe I like the M&Ms to the toddler part the best.
Love this Jill!
I love how you are always keeping it real. Being in the “mommy club” should be about support and understanding each other. Not judgement and trying to be SuperMom.
Love it!
Amen sister
Fabulous! Well said. :-)
Bravo.
I’ve been struggling of late, with a number of self-doubt issues, stemming from some behavioral crap going on with Son. A lot of “What Did I Dos” have issued forth from my mouth.
Thank you for reminding me that we are not perfect, and that no one, least of all our kids, expects perfection from us. Perhaps we can some day let that ideal go.
Much love.
Sending you a hug in solidarity!
Just Awesome :)
Perfection. Full Stop. Now posted on my fridge, although I have long adhered to these principles myself.
My fave quote is along these lines:
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”
~ Paulo Coelho (August 24, 1947 – )
I don’t know who Paulo Coelho is… but that’s damn brilliance right there.
That is my new favorite quote as well! Pure brilliance
Thank you and love the one about candy aisle and m&m’s cuz it really works:-)
Love love love this. Preach it, sister!
Love.
I completely agree – something we all need to remind ourselves of every day. At least once. Repeat as necessary! You do the best you can with what you have and as long as you are doing it with the best intentions – nothing else matters.
Awesome and agreed!!!!
I think this should come out along with the placenta and that how to raise a perfect happy child manuel we’re supposed to get at delivery!
Totally guilty of the yoga pants one. And a few of the others, like the candy aisle, etc.
Thank you for not judging me.
I’d like to add
- I shall learn to choose my battles. For example: Is a cookie really worse than a pop tart when devoured with a glass of milk? Accordingly, I shall accept other mothers battles without judgment.
This is awesome.
With my right hand placed on the good book of motherhood (pick whichever parent guiding du jour you prefer) I do solemnly swear to upload tenants of the Scary Mommy Manifesto!
This is awesome and so true. It would be nice if all mothers could agree to this…love it!!
I’m printing this out and giving a copy to all of my judgmental, opinionated cousins.
I shall repeat these virtues daily. Thank you, SM!!!
LOVE IT!! (but I did make my own baby food for the 4 kids, it was cheaper, and healthier, but mostly cheaper ;)
Preach it, Sister. We are all in this together. Like it or not, forgetter or worse … Mothers.
And obviously my iPad would like me to forget, not for BETter … Oops.
Love it. It’s hard not to judge or feel judged sometimes, but as long as we all make an effort to be nice and just SURVIVE together… we can DO IT! :-) With a few bottles of wine.
This is an amazing manifesto!
My favorites: body image, helping new moms, having compassion for other parents.
Will be sharing and sharing!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!
U r so right!! Love it!!!
Well put. All of it.
I hereby pledge to uphold these manifestos and do my part to make this post viral.
I wear the same clothes, um, quite often and I have no good reason. Except they’re comfy. Wait, that’s a good reason, right?
Best advice I ever got while expecting: “You’re going to get TONS of advice, it’s all well intentioned. Take what you like leave the rest, you’re the MOM YOU know best!”
Absolutely perfect : )
This is fabulous! Thank you!
These are great! But, I think I’m the mom wearing the same yoga pants, flip flops and tshirt two days in a row to school pickup. But no, I don’t really have a good reason. :-)
Hahaha me too :)
Thank you Jesus…I mean Jill, thank you Jill. This is perfection.
Hey! When did you enter my brain and read my thoughts?! Seriously, I have been telling myself most of these things all through my mommahood!! Can’t say I practice them, though, but I can fel myself become mellow as realisation slowly dons on me! Now I try to restrain myself more often, no point in being judgemental, or in entering the mom competition, what’s the use of taking on extra stress, as it is I just somehow manage to hold body and soul together!!
Amen.
I do solemnly swear.
I’ll ditto the Amens!!
Amen
I totally agree, and virtually signed :-)
This is fantastic and definitely a manifesto to live by and share.
So, how do we get every mother on earth to sign this?!
Preach it! The world of motherhood would be so much better if we all just followed these! Awesome.
I will add
I should not assume a mother of a single kid has it easier, remember there is no sibling to entertain an only child.
Thank you for making me feel “normal”; whatever that is. Now if my two teenagers would just stop telling me how ” none of their friends’ moms do this or that and they ALWAYS have real dinners, and blah, blah, blah, etc.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you . . . AMEN :)
I’m going to put this on my fridge.
yup, i’d sign that. I’ve said many times, some moms can’t feel like they’re getting it right unless that means someone else is getting it wrong.
Amen. And yes, it only looks like I wear the same damn thing every day.
Absolutely LOVE THIS!!
I just tweeted this and it’s going on my FB page, too.
i love you. #thatisall.
This should mandatory reading!!!!
Where is the bloggy badge? I must have a bloggy badge for this. MUST. Please? And a t-shirt. Need a t-shirt. And one of those bracelet thingys.
Ok…at least the bloggy badge. :)
Agreed. I want to print this out and post it on my door. “Anyone who enters my home need agree with the following”
Also, can we add a messy clause, don’t judge my home and I won’t judge yours?
Oh. I SO SOLEMNLY SWEARED THIS. Swore too. Yep. *nods*
Bravo! In my experience, it’s fellow mothers who tend to judge the most harshly. I figure it has to do with their own feelings of inadequacy. Moms that don’t judge are the ones that know better than to expect perfection… not from other moms, themselves, out their own kids. And those are the best moms of all.
I’ll pledge to this. Love it!
How About I shall never assume the woman with the child is “Grandma”
Perfect! Simply Perfect
I take the pledge. I agree with not giving out unsolicited advice, although I used to do it too, I have to admit. Got much better at shutting up though. This list is great for grandmothers and mothers-in-law too, I feel :-)
Hallelujah sister!
AMEN!
Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.
Well said.
What a wonderful set of rules! I think the best one is the one about not sharing your opinion unless asked for…it seems like everyone has a philosophy on everything and sometimes it can be very uncomfortable when they don’t accept other opinions.
Love it!!! and I shall…
That woman wearing the same yoga pants was totally me. I don’t even know if there was a good reason but thank you for understanding. Also, when can I expect you over to watch the Chalupa while I nap?
Another fabulous – and accurate – post.
that is BEAUTIFUL !! crediting that in my blog !!
Hall-a-effing-ujah!
Bravo! And thank you because I am the lady with the kid wanting to run around the plane, then crying when turbulance hits and she needs to be in her seat. Oh yeah, good times!!!!
I love this.
Especially the not competing things. I HATE when mothers try to compete.
god love you, woman; this manifesto should be printed out and given to every woman (and ALL her family/friends/co-workers/partners/husbands/lovers/teachers/neighbors/passersby) when she gives birth.
This post strikes the amen chord for sure. Thanks for sharing everything we try to remind ourselves beneath the snickers and the sneers. xo
Amen ! Awesome !
Love this!
The world would be a better place for everyone if all moms memorized this manifesto.
Totally agree!
AMEN! I agree with this 100%! Thanks for writing it. I may print it out, I love it so much.
Jess
True dat
Well said. Love it!
I vote we add not judging or questioning how many (or few) children other mothers have… just found out we are quite unexpectedly and quite (as of now — I’ll get there) unhappily pregnant with #6. After months of bizarre women’s health issues. I can’t wait to hear all the damn comments about this. Ugh.
I absolutely love this. It is so TRUE!!!!
you have no idea how much I love this.
This is wonderful.
If only every one would follow such great advice
Amen!!!
Amen!
Amen!
well stated! Thank you!
Amen
AMEN!!!!! This shall be my new mantra!
Awesome! Every mom needs this!!
Please tell me that this will be available in printed form for the holidays. Think of the stocking stuffers!
Love this post and would love to link you to my blog everyone needs to read this male and female alike!
Preach it, sister! “I would never let my kids do that.” If you say that, it’s almost guaranteed that your kids will, in fact, do that thing. Thanks for the great post!
Preach!
As a young (and lets be honest, a very unprepared mother) I try my hardest not to pass judgement on other mothers. I have had my fair share of dirty looks and unwarrented advice. I agree with the other readers who said this should come home with your child at the hospital!
As a mother of three, I agree wholeheartedly with this post. I wish I had written it myself. It is truth. It is simple. It is powerful. Thank you!!
I learned long ago (not before I had kids, I did a lot of judging before I was a mother!) not to judge other mothers. Every kid is different, and every situation is different. Each mother knows her child(ren) better than anyone else. YOU know best, not your mother-in-law, not your neighbor, only you.
So, embrace your power, and go with it, Momma!
A.M.E.N.
I am printing this out and sticking it on my fridge!
Preach sista!!
Love this post!
Thanks for the reminders, we all need them. Oh, and they are so true! Now if we can only live by them. :)
Where do I sign this?
“Practically perfect in every way.”
Scary Mommy for president!
You rock, Scary Mommy.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I love this. It’s perfect. And I do solemnly swear to uphold it. Maybe should print it out and tape it to the mirror….
Love!!!! I think every mother in the world should read this!
Very well put. Cracked me up!
Touche’
You have said all the things I’ve wanted to say to other mothers who have tried to put their noses where they just don’t belong. I printed this out to remind me what not to do! :) Thank you for putting this in writing!
Love it and intend to live by it!!! I want to tattoo it to my forehead!
Great Post! Especially the one about the airplane. I’m all about holding babies on airplanes now that I’ve dealt with mini-torture sessions of my own.
words to live by – and i wish more women would!
“I shall not preach the benefits of breastfeeding or circumcision or home schooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business.”
This line………is so true. And when asked, I like to add “This is what is best for MY family. What you do will probably be different I’ll just share with you what worked for ME and this kid and what worked for me and that kid”
All good, in theory. Some much easier said than done though. Will give *most* of those a shot.
You nailed it babe. Loved this especially: “Motherhood is not a competition. The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.”
Know my son has just turned into a teenager there are some other rules:
Answer all questions as truthfully as possible, but don’t go into too much detail
Accept “uh” if ask if they had a good day – they will eventually let you know
Don’t make life a constant battle if they don’t pick up their clothes from off the floor!
Accept a cuddle when you can as soon they won’t want to cuddle at all.
Praise is better than critism – they are sensitive souls
Teenagers can still have trantrums, sulk and maniupulate – no means no!
I’m sure there are lots more ….
I’m gonna tape the to the fridge. While I reach for the wine.
Stolen (quoted)! So awesome!!!!
I would like to print this and hand it out! I put on weight after my third child. A woman I barely know walked up to me one day and asked if I was expecting again and touched my stomach! Not only was I mortified, but I was appalled that a grown woman would ask another woman that. Note to adults…unless you SEE a baby coming out of a woman’s vagina, do not assume she is pregnant. :)
AMEN, sister!
Yes, what you said. Thank you for saying it.
AMEN!
Ha! Luv it! Glad I took time to read:-).
Love this! Stopping over from the blog, Yep, they’re all mine.
I love the line about competition. I am a conscientious objector in the “mommy wars”, but I appreciate your line “The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.”
Amen and Amen.
I raise my glass of wine to you SM….better words were never blogged…
Hear, hear!
My “babies” are now 15, 19 & 22. But I remember feeling useless at times, and judged. A hearty hear hear!!! to the list above. And may it be read, understood, and implemented by MANY!!
Amen!! I am sooo guilty of wearing the same clothes when picking up my kid from school two days in a row!!!
Great post! I love this point: “I shall hold the new babies belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new mother really wants.”
I want to print that manifesto up and hand them out at Babies R Us, lactation classes, supermarkets at 5 p.m. and just crowded areas.
Is this a petition? Where do I sign?
Well said!
Lol! Well said :) I particularly like the loud mouthed, bikini clad water pistol shooting toddler….it can happen to anyone ;P
LOVE this post!
Spot on, perfect, believe it or not, it gave me chill a couple of times. I know, odd, but it’s absolutely, amazingly perfect. Thanks for summing it up so very well, humorously and enjoyably.
And yes, I’m crawling the site. I’m new and I’m loving it, and thought I would let you know, your writing es excellent and I appreciate every word!
Love it – especially they will thrive in spite of me
that was good. :)
Amen! I feel like this should be on framed posters throughout the homes of all Mommies. =)
Although I am not a scary mommy I may qualify as a sacry Daddy I love the manafesto and am sending it to my daughter who is expecting her 2nd child this month.
This is the truest thing ever! If I feel like I have failed one more time because supper incredible mom can figure everything out while I’m just trying to figure out which day I can take a shower, I will explode.
I’m so glad I didn’t miss this Jill. It’s perfect and I laughed and teared up reading it. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it helps me to know that others might feel that way too. Wow, wow!!!!
Hope you don’t mind me printing this off and hanging it in my house. I’m going to bold the part about not offering up my opinion on the benefits of breastfeeding…etc. I’ve got people around here who don’t understand that I didn’t ask for their opinion.
You will be credited of course:)
Love, love, love this!
Liz @ the six year itch recently posted..Slasher 20/10
Great list! I will admit I am baaaad about offering up unsolicited advice because (in my head at least) I’m trying to help, or offer other ideas for the victim to consider. I forget that not everyone wants a ton of info to dig through before making their own decision. That, and I think I do it because I want to share on how successful or deceptively easy it was despite my initial fears. So yeah, heart in the right place, but my mouth usually isn’t. :)
BTW, saw the article on Yahoo (thanks to Melisa with one S) and it’s inspiring me to find a couple hours a week to get back into the swing of blogging again.
Wineplz recently posted..Backlogged Videos
I, too, am guilty of this. And I remember when I was pregnant with my first (and still my only at this point), I told myself I would “never, never, NEVER” dole out unsolicited advice to future expectant moms. Ah well. We’re only human. And good intentioned :)
EVERY mother (and father) should read this!
Love it!
Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) recently posted..Language Delays in the Little One
If we could all work from the assumption that most everyone else is trying at least as hard as we are… how much more compassion would we have for one another? :)
Kristen Mae recently posted..It’s Too Soon For Awards! (But I’ll Take It!)
THANK YOU for articulating what we all have felt!
absolutely awesomely true! this definitely makes me feel better to know sum1 was able to put into words my feelings & actions!
I need this on a t-shirt!
Rachael recently posted..Just In Case It Isn’t Clear…
I love this on so many levels and so many points.
Perfect!
Regina recently posted..Birthday Freebies
I love this sooo sooooooo much. Love.
And I HAVE to know what font was used for the word “Manifesto” and “and other vicious lies” (from the book cover.) PLEASE.
Carolyna Pro Black – I’m obsessed with it! :)
Yes, yes a thousand times YES!!!
I often wear the same outfits 3-4 days in a row when I go to the store. I used to shower regularly, now I don’t see the point because hello, same clothes 3-4 days in a row.
I don’t have children but apparently I’ve missed my calling.
Suzy Soro (@HotComesToDie) recently posted..My Book Is Free! For 3 Days Only!
Love. And needed the reminder. On days when I question everything I do, but know I’m doing my best while raising two kids, working full time, being a caretaker for my chronically ill husband, continuing the search for my missing brother, writing to share with others…. and failing at most of them daily…. I need to remember that there is no such thing as perfect, and doing the best I can is pretty darn good.
Thanks
Anita @ Losing Austin recently posted..Stop the Stigma
Yes. THIS.
I would like to add: “I will never tell a pregnant woman about how scary, painful, or bad birthing my babies were for me. I will never tell her to have a vaginal birth instead of a c-section. I will never tell her how she will forget it. She wont. She will just get over it. But that is for her to learn, not for me to preach.”
I am so glad I found you! AMEN!