Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
1. Denial — I need to go to Target. I have a child. We can do this. It won’t be like last time or the time before or the time before that one. We will go in for the toilet paper and the milk that we need and leave with the toilet paper and the milk. There will be no tears, from either one of us. This time will be different.
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2. Anger — Why me? Why is this happening again? Why do I breed children who are completely unable to make it through a freaking store without completely melting down? This is bullshit. I can’t stand my fucking children.
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3. Bargaining — How about if we stick to the Dollar Spot? You can pick out any toy from there! OK, TWO toys! A glow stick! And a plastic pail! Or, a pad of paper and some stickers! Or, a Cars pen and a foam sword! So cool! The Dollar Spot rocks! Candy? You want candy? OK, M&Ms it is! The breakfast of champions! Cookies? Sure! How about it?! I beg of you .. I’ll do anything … Just don’t melt down.
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4. Guilt. What have I done to end up with a child like this? Was it the formula I fed him? The pacifier he sucked for way too long? The co-sleeping? Late potty training? Why is he so toy-dependant? Does he not get enough affection? Enough love? What am I doing wrong???
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5. Depression — I am the worst mother ever. Life sucks.
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6. Acceptance — Alright, fine. Just pick out a goddamn toy from the toy aisle. You win, I lose. There goes my fun money for the week, kid. Here, take it. Take your new toy. Better? Happy? Good. That’s one of us.
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7. Regret — I should never have done that — what on earth was I thinking? Lesson learned. Again. Target and children simply do not belong together. Never again. This time, I mean it.
Followed by: The Inevitable. Did I seriously forget the freaking toilet paper?
{ 184 comments… read them below or add one }
This must be because I only have a 2 year old… but Target is my refuge from Tearing the House Apart Hell. I sit around thinking of what I could possibly need at Target even though between my husband and I we’ve already been three times in any given week.
Truth.
Truth indeed.
I live at Target for the same reason. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and am always looking for an excuse to get out of the house and kill a couple of hours before DS’s nap time. The mall is my second choice.
And because they have a Starbucks. My 3-year-old looooves Target and its Starbucks. The baristas know her by name.
I took her in a free-standing Starbucks when she was 2, and she looked around and said “Target? Target? What kind of Target?!”
Whozat recently posted..Setting the Table
Word.
And mine aren’t two any longer.
Not Supermom recently posted..Autism
The Starbucks in Target is a HUGE game changer! Target is often my favorite mid-morning activity (but I’d rather eat glass than take either of my kids into a Toys R Us – those stages definitely apply to that nightmare).
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Funny! I am lucky 1 child and he is 3 years old, and a perfect angel to take shopping……I dread when I feel ^that way about shopping :)
mine is an angel AFTER we go through a series of training. i always want to point out that money wont last, n she has to choose one toy only, no buts
There is no part of this that isn’t true.
You are not kidding.
This is eerily accurate, and this is why I love this website. I keep telling my husband we are not the only people whose kids mutate into toy-obsessed hellions the minute the big red circle comes into view… ahh…acceptance.
So true! One of my daughters first words was target! This is NOT a lie! She would see that red circle and transform! She is now 5, with a little brother to plot against me with. So the target experience can not be more accurate than scarymom put it! And of course I always forget to buy what I came there for!
so true mine are 2 and 4.5 and think everytime we go to target they HAVE to have a toy!! uhhhh wrong!!!!!
True!!!! I am so happy to realize now that that will never change. When I tell my kids in the car before going into target “ok, we are only here for a couple of things mommy needs, no toys” and they say “ok mommy, no problem” I know they don’t mean it because the minute we pass the toy area they start giving me a whole argument of why they need certain toy, even though a toy similar to that one ended up in the trash… Is either they are really smart and know what they are doing or they just can’t resist temptation……?
Yes this too makes me feel a little less illegitamate. LOL Thanks ladies “-)
I’m about to head out to Target with my 3 and 4 year olds right now. I think the final stage is exhaustion. Neither of my kids will ride in the effing cart and I spend the entire trip trying to shop with one eye while making sure they aren’t being snatched by child molesters or shattering wine bottles with the other. Dammit, I used to love Target.
Get the teddy bear back pack leashes, Mary, it will save your sanity!
OMG just got one of those back pack leashes! What a lifesaver!! Now when he drops his legs out to get me to let go of his and he is stuck :) Love it!!
We have the kid leashes bought from Target. It doesn’t help a damn bit if I have my 3 & 4 year old alone unless I tie the leash to the cart and don’t mind chasing the cart all over the store or having kids dragging behind the cart
I bought these fantastic things called Hold-On Handles. They have a huge carabiner clip that attaches to your cart, purse, or belt loop, and there is a handle at the other end that they can hold onto.
My wife bought one of these “dog” leashes for our oldest son. When she hooked Mark up in it I immediately took it off and cut it up with my pocket knife telling her my Son is NOT A DOG. We worked out a arrangement for her to shop or whatever when I was at home to babysit.
Sorry for the second reply, but when this occurred with the leash for children I was in the Army and my wife and I were stationed in West Berlin Germany. I work rotating shifts so therefore my wife was in stuck with the kids between eight to five so she could play cards with their friends, shop and do other things while I watched our boys.
when i need to go to the store, i can’t conveniently go at set times my husband is home (weird, but I actually LIKE going to the store with my husband). perhaps your wife is better organized (ha!), but i always remember what wasn’t on the list at 7 p.m. The ‘leash’ was a sanity saver when my very active boy who would NOT hold my hand decided to run off in the store. LIKE WITH A DOG, it does keep them from running off and getting into potentially dangerous situations in public, AND teaches them a sense of boundaries. and LIKE WITH A DOG, those little legs can move a hell of a lot faster than yours. Putting leashes on your two/three year old doesn’t mean they’re ‘a dog’ or a ‘submissive’, nor does it mean they’ll have any memory of you doing it. Btw, cutting it up with your knife was a bit extreme–you could have just asked her to take it back to the store.
Sorry about your experience, sounds like others. But I’ve never looked at my 3 year old running down the aisle and said to myself, he looks and acts like a dog so I’m going to get a leash for him and maybe a muzzle if he is a biter.
Leashes may be for some but be ready for the dirty looks and comments from others.
I’m outta heree…………….
dirty looks and comments are going to come whether you have your kid on a ‘leash’ or experiencing the stages listed in the blog above. Eh, whatevs. If I can get through the store without yelling at my kid, then it’s a good day. Fortunately, since he’s now eleven and no longer needs a leash, we have several good days a year. :-)
Good for you heather, I am proud of your persistence :)
i bought a monkeybackpack leash for my 15 month old when we were taking her to Disney world for the first time. In my mind, I knew there would be haters but I also knew my daughter was coming home with me….and just because you have your kid on one of those doesn’t mean you have to pull them around by it! It just means you are attached to them! So to me some ignorant looks is just fine if that is what it takes to ensure i won’t lose my kid
OMG mine won’t sit in the cart either…and she promises she will on the way there. Then when she sees the cart she starts freaking out saying her legs hurt when she sits in the cart because she’s too big. Give me a freaken break she is 3 yrs old not 10. Then everyone stairs at me because I walk into target with a crying child and the trip didn’t even begin yet. Oh god isn’t she 18 yet???? Grrr.
That is EXACTLY what it’s like. Only most of the time it’s the 12 year old complaining, not the 2.5 year old. (.:
I’m lucky that my boys are still little – I just avoid the toy aisle. If my three year old asks for something I will say ok, ask daddy. By the way, my husband says he is a pain in the ass at the store. Wonder why?
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Hahaha…wicked girl.
Rebeccah recently posted..Hot Water Sets Egg
Love this! Of course I am always thinking up excuses to go to my happy place.
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LOVE!
I had that very same response to #7 when I left my ex.
Who was pretty much child-like himself.
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You must visit http://crappypictures.typepad.com/ – she just did a post about this last week.
Bless the hearts of you women with well behaved kids. If I have my 2 year old with me at Target, it is at 8am when they open and she can scream and run free without anyone else around. She’s pretty much an angel at home but once we walk through those doors she wants everything she sees and lets the entire store know it.
And I always forget whatever it is that I went for. Even if I did write it down.
Mine is EXACTLY the opposite! Generally she’s incredibly well behaved in public. Home is a totally different story…one of us may not make it to her 4th birthday!!!!LOL
Sometimes I, too, scream with excitement and want everything I see when I go into Target :)
I was a young mother, so whenever I went into Target, I always got “the stare.” I also have been cursed with a baby face so I look a lot younger than I am. I would go in there to get some time out of the house with my two kids, but all the stares would eventually lead to us leaving pretty early. I know I wasn’t the only teenage mother in that town, and I could have done without all the judgement. Other than that, the kids were well behaved while I shopped. All the bright, shiny things distracted them from tantrums.
I was a young mom too….and still get asked if I’m 19 and I’m turning the big THREE OHHHH near the end of the year. We will be thankful when we are 50 and still look good :)
Amen to that. :) I just turned 27.
Amen to that. I have the opposite problem (though most think I’m in my early-mid 30′s: I get asked if my dd is my grand daughter.
I Eco you Christina, I learned not to care for judgemental people, I am not like that so, I don’t appreciate when is done to me. Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t like done to you!…. Other than that, I am a hell of a good mommy, I trust my mommy instinct, so it doesn’t matter how young I am! I use to lie about my age just to get people’s approval, not anymore!! ;-)
Christina, I know what it’s like to get those stares. I’m 32, but I haven’t aged since I was about 14. Up close I have the fine lines forming around the eyes that show my true age, but from more than a few feet away, I look like I’m ditching high school when I go to the store in the middle of the day! I go out of my way to make sure I look like I’m in my 30′s when I get dressed and in no way could be mistaken for a teenager, but it almost never helps. Don’t these people see my diamond engagement ring and wedding band – clearly the accessories of a grown woman – I always wonder. They just see my young looking face, toddler and baby bump, then assume I’m a second-time teen mother. Even if I was, why the dirty looks???
My husband is 29 and smoked up until the time he found out I was pregnant two years ago. One time we went into the store and I pulled out cash to pay for his cigarettes, me being 30 and him 27, and the woman refused to sell them to us. She thought he was an older guy buying a teenager cigarettes and lectured him. I had to go to the car to get my ID and she was convinced it was somehow a fake, but since she had no choice since it was real, she had to sell them to us. We got evil looks from her as we left the store.
Why do I go through the same stages when taking my husband there? We went for a bathmat. He spent nearly $350 bucks on home decor. I still didn’t have a bathmat when we left.
You forgot the reasoning stage where you ask them if they have ever left the house before. They answer to the affirmative. Then you ask them what you said last time this happened. They look remorseful, one probably pulls a tear or two. Then you ask them why we have to do this again and does it make them happy? No real answer, more remorse, tears. Then you ask them if they think you are happy? Tears, remorse, I love yous, we’ll do better next time etc.
Click refresh screen. Go to Target. Same shit. Exactly the same shit.
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You hit that nail on the head! Mine actually laughs at me…@3! The angrier I get, the more she laughs. Erg…
Hahaha! Sorry!, that reminds me we use to laugh at my mom when she would get angry because she would get all worked up + she looked cute while angry, and we definitely knew she wasn’t serious at all!! Then she would scream “stop, stop” and we would laugh even harder.. Poor mommy!! I’ll always love you! Rip
For us Target is a must once a week – the kids will only eat pizza there (yes, it’s pizza hut, no, they will not eat it anywhere but Target).
Dang, I feel so lucky. My 1 year old just hangs out in the cart and my 3 year old is ok with not always getting something. Usually a trip out is fun for all of us. We try to make it a game. I usually end up making a fool out of myself but of I have to hop down the aisle to avoid my son throwing a fit…. So be it.
I hate taking my kids to the store. They always want stuff, and it is so much easier to just get in. Saturday Bud wanted goldfish, fruit snacks, cocoa puffs, and something else. Of course all of it had to ride in the front with him. He looked like a hoarder.
I go through this any time I leave the house with my 8 year old son. Every time I tell him we are going to a store he starts asking for something. And every time I tell him no. 99% of the time at the store I tell him no. He starts with the crocodile tears and temper tantrum. Or thinking he can run the store like a mad man. So frustrating.
I actually used to hit Target at 9 o’clock at night. All to avoid having to take the kids there. It was a half-hour from our house too. And I would walk the aisles reeeeal slow.
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I’m just jealous that you actually HAVE a Target. There is no Target in Vermont. Seriously, the entire freekin state has NO Target. We’re stuck with Walmart. Yucky Walmart.
My children like to punish me for taking them to Walmart by sucking on the grocery cart handle. I’m pretty sure that’s why they have that weird rash. It’s from Walmart. I keep telling them if they keep it up their hair will fall out too.
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Ugh my children do that too! Why oh why do they insist on licking or sucking some part of the shopping cart? It totally creeps me out, so disgusting!!! Maybe I’ll use your line about their hair falling out next time I catch them ;)
They have these really handy sani-wipes at the Wally world entrance…problem solved. Now if we could solve the leotard & tutu wearing men who frequent my store…
Ugh, I hate having to wipe the damn cart before entering the store, takes too long to wipe all the parts where my kid usually sucks on, and he gets all frustrated waiting for me to finish wiping!
I need a nap after Target and the 3 and 4 year old. Why don’t they want to nap after???!!! NOT FAIR! I love this post, all are true!
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With teenagers I have gone past this phase to NO just because we are at the store does not mean you need 5 new pairs of jeans and 3 new pairs of shoes.
However with the boyfriend this is a very true statement. I dread going to the store with him, I would rather put toothpicks under my fingernails.
Ha ha ha ha! This is perfect Jill.
Life with kaishon recently posted..It’s a Wonderful Life
I am so thankful that my kids turned out to be good little shoppers. They don’t scream for toys or anything. I think I got lucky! lol!
Oh I feel you! at 18 months the beast refuses to just sit in the cart anymore. He demands to walk. And walking means pulling EVERYTHING off the shelves. So I have to either put up with the screaming (and stares that accompany said screaming) and make it a fast trip or acknowledge that it will be hours of wandering around hunched over picking things up off the floor and putting them back on the shelves. Then I probably won’t end up with what it was that I actually wanted from the store and I’ll just send hubby to get it for 4 times as much at a local grocery store instead of for a decent price at Target.
Good point about our fellow shoppers – why do people stare when a child is crying? Do they think sending you dirty looks will make the tantrum stop? I’ve always wondered this. I try to give a sympathetic “I’ve been there” look if I can catch the mom’s eye. (If I could get away with it, I’d offer a co-conspiring fist bump or high five, but that might seem weird to some, so I refrain.).
Headed to Target today! Last time my toddler bit her lip (blood!) eating the yogurt melts she ripped off the shelf. It was actually pretty comical. I kept my cool and pretended no one was staring at me.
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For us, Target is called, “the popcorn store.” Yes, I am aware that the popcorn is genetically modified crap coated with trans fats, but I don’t give a shit because it’s the only to get through target. We walk in, get the popcorn, pay our $1.08, and then the clock starts ticking. I have ten minutes of time with no complaining, ten more of mild complaining, and then after that begins the descent into shrieking, popcorn hurling, bag-shredding hell. Twenty minutes, we are in and out and buckled in. I take a moment in the front seat to savor a delusional moment of parental competence, and then we go to the park and run off all the wiggles that built up in the store. It works, ladies. It works every time.
Awesome! I think mine would just leave a trail behind them…
Did all your kids have their own underwear on when you got there? If so, you are one up on me.
Signed, nanny who went to Target with one twin wearing 2 pairs of panties under her dress and the other twin wearing none.
Have you been following me around Target? Because that’s pretty much what I go through when I have to drag my kids (all 4 of them) with me….not just Target but also Costco, Michaels, wherever.
I’m that mom you see in the parking lot threatening her kids, “We are only buying what is on my list. Nothing else. Don’t even ask because the answer will be no. If you have a tantrum, I will not hesitate for a minute to walk away from you and allow a total stranger to take you home with them.”
Ya think that works? Hell no.
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Oh thank goodness it is not just me. My mom was just telling me how she used to do it all the time. Um, ok, but I sure as hell didn’t act like mine. Mine run away or do a song & dance for all the customers or try to work the register. They aren’t normal!
But you forgot shock: “Holy sh*t, I spent how much? That can’t be right, can it? But I couldn’t have spent *that much* and forgot toilet paper, too?” Or is that just me?
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I refused to take my twins to a store of any kind by myself until they were three years old. They’re 7 now and fortunately, most of our shopping trips are not like that. I’d have a breakdown if they were.
All I can say is that since there’s no target in Italy I seriously envy even the seven stages of target hell. Also, forgetting toilet paper is the best way to have to go back to target after your husband gets home in the evening. Alone. While sipping a coffee… or a cocktail… in a coffee cup.
Moomser recently posted..Sometimes pyjamas just aren’t worth the trouble
Yep, that sounds about right!
m.
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Ha! I love it. This is why I stopped going to Target. Because I was always buying stuff for my kids to keep them happy!
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This is SO VERY true! I actually have a pretty funny shopping-at-Target-with-a-kid story – Went to pick out a greeting card at Target and had my then 3 year old in the back of the cart. I had pulled up to the greeting cards and had my back to her while I was looking at cards when I heard a woman laughing and then she said “oh that little girl reminds me of you when you were little!” I turned around and saw that my daughter was standing in the cart removing all of her clothing. I was horrified, and while I quickly redressed her I said to the woman “please tell me they grow out of it.” The woman laughed again, and pointed to her adult daughter (who I now noticed was very pregnant) and said “Not really!” :-)
AND…does any go into Target to get ‘just a few things’ and end up spending like a gazillion dollars????? *sigh. I love Target too. :)
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Yes! I have a love/hate relationship with Target – I love shopping there, but hate how I feel everytime I get to the register and realize how much stuff I have in the cart and how much it’s going to cost.
This pretty much sums up EVERY experience I have, taking the toddler out.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Mes Passions
totally agree. last time we were there, suki removed socks and shoes in the middle of a main aisle and neva continued to yell “what are you doing mayor sparkles????!!!!!” they should hand out margaritas at the door to make it tolerable.
I am so glad my kids are in school and I go to the store before I go to work. :) But yes I have these feelings too!
Target and toys?!? Pshaw! That’s nothing. Just left a sporting goods store with my 5 and 11 yr olds. Exchanging a pair of shoes and the 11 yr old developed attitude because I wouldn’t enter into negotiations with her over a $120 Patagonia jacket or a pair of $28 Nike shorts! Is she on crack?!?
By myself-LOVE Target. With the 2 year old hellion, not so much. And WHY for the love of God is he a perfect angel if he goes with his father??? “oh he was such a good boy with me, he sat in the cart and didn’t fuss at all” SUCK IT.
DH is lying…you know he is, he just won’t admit he can’t control a 2yo any better than you!
This is my life!!!!!
I’d squeeze in a stage, between 3 and 4 and call it “Reflection”. Reflection on what a nice time I could be having, had I left them at home. It’s a nice transition into the guilt stage.
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Soooo my life! I was in tears reading this !
I think I went through these stages when I tried to take my toddler and newborn there. Read on ladies:
http://www.mamaonthemic.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-hell-was-i-thinking.html
I have 2 kids this rarely happens. Cause the first couple of time it happened. They almost didn’t come out of there alive. The learned and the learned quick
Fail-proof solution: 1) buy them an ICEE as soon as you walk in. 2) Tell them it’s a rule that kids have to ride in the cart as long as they are drinking ICEEs. 3) Threaten them that if they drink too fast, their brains will freeze. 4) Run like hell to get all of your stuff before the ICEE runs out. (note – the longer you do this, the better you will get a packing a cart with items around your kid. I’ve gotten a couple of hundred dollars worth in the cart w/ 2 6 year old.) Time this right, and you will be throwing the empty cups away as you walk out the door.
Go to the store when they are a little hungry… Go straigt to the yoghurt or healthy snack isle and let him pick, then put him in the cart and let him eat while yo shop… Then pay the empty packeges along with the toilet paper and milk… No tears, no tauntrums, no negotiiations… ;)
Don’t have Target here but I think this applies to any store. I avoid shopping with my kids but if I have to do it, it is so stressful. My 4 year old loves to play in dressing rooms and pick up phones, and he will touch every computer in sight. The almost 3 year old wants to touch everything, and putting my 1 year old down is not an option if I want to make it out alive. Did I mention most stores here have tiny aisles and no carts?
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Neither of my girls EVER caused me to think twice about leaving the house with them in tow. Target? Not a problem. And then? Then came the boy. The boy at 2 has me squarely living #7. On repeat. But, he is smarter than the average kid and has applied all 7 steps to the grocery store too.
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You’re singing my song sistah! Only it’s Walmart, zellers, ( insert other store here) no matter where we go my 5 year old ( geezus she’s 5! I shouldn’t admit this) does this. Then my 10 yr old Dd pipes in. Then it’s a shit show and i go through all of this. Sigh. Remember Starbucks alone? Yeah me either.
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The meltdowns are the worst! Next time, just tell me you are planning an all-out brat fest when we leave for the store so I just get your bribe toy into the cart first thing. An embarrassed mom avoided!
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Oh my god…I’m the worst with the snacks. I think my children are now hard wired to expect to be handed a donut when they enter a grocery store. Target is no different.
This was hilarious.
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My son is still small enough that when I stop talking to him and walk away, he’ll stop crying about the toy and cry instead about abandonment. That’s better, right?
Wait … were you following me around Target today? ;)
I recently discovered that Target opens at 8am. This extra hour of shopping has seriously changed my life. I can get in and out before everyone else and their screaming kids are shopping, too. Sometimes, I can get there on the weekends before the kids are even out of their jammies. Before my husband knows what’s hit him, he’s home with three kids hungry for breakfast.
Sharon {Grumpy, Sleepy, and Bashful} recently posted..Our New Favorite Snack: Kettle Corn! {And A Tasty Giveaway}
I mostly shop online for groceries but when I have to head out to a store I let mine pick out napkins or such like as a ‘treat’. Yes they are still young enough to consider that a treat and honestly, wiping my mouth with Cinderella-featuring-whatever-stupid Disney-dwarf-napkin is a small price to pay for peacefull shopping trips.
This is why I am so glad my kids are old enough to stay home for an hour or so while I go get the groceries ALONE. Just wait… you’ll have your turn soon enough and it’s ALL worth it! Geez, the money I save now is AMAZING! LOL
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I honestly think those $1 sections that Target has at the entrances are like crack for kids. Seriously.
And, it doesn’t get better as they get older. I have teenagers, and they seem to think “I need to pick up toilet paper” means “let’s go on a shopping spree and blow the month’s mortgage on clothes you will never wear and you will most likely decide make you look ‘fat’ ten seconds after you cut them up to make them ‘artistic’.”
F**k shopping with any kids. I want to go at 11pm after all sane people are in bed, and let me wander around in a Musak induced semi-coma.
Suzanne recently posted..Good Things
Effing hilarious. I only take both kids with me when there is absolutely, positively no other option.
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I have an extra stage – the People Did Without Box Stores for many Centuries lecture I give to myself in the parking lot of the Target. Never works.
okay – totally giggling ;-)
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I still remember the first time my little one threw a fit in Target. I was shocked! He is my first, and apparently I thought that he would be as easy at 2 as he was a 2 months. But I still do the same thing you do. I say I will never do take him alone again, that I’ve learned my lesson….but no! We’ll never learn.
abnormalmommy recently posted..Apple Mummies and More!
Oh, yes. I am quite familiar with these steps. In a weak moment, my almost three year old had me in tears. Why is that they smell weakness and then try to break you by climbing all over the Valentine’s display demanding that you buy every single bag of candy in the aisle?!
Sooooooo True. My little guy is seven now, but I HATED taking him to the store and avoided it whenever I possibly could. He was a very difficult toddler, and store meltdowns were an extremely common occurance. Thank GOD for candy, and the free cookies at the bakery! :P
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It does not end. Even my 18-year-old plays me at Target by sneaking into the cart little lip glosses and cute socks that I don’t notice until we are in the check-out line.
After a trip to Target last weekend my husband accused me of buying a travel Farkle game. I didn’t even know what Farkle was! Turns out our 3 year old stuffed it in the cart and then went outside with me while my husband went through the checkout so he just assumed I wanted it. Gonna have to start watching that little guy…
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I knew there was a reason I only go to Target alone.
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Ah, I remember when my twins were babies and we had this wonderful double carriage where they could face each other. My husband and I would both get Starbucks, most often Hot Caramel Apple Cider, and stroll up and down the aisles, stopping every few moments so people could say, “Oh twins. Oh they are so cute, you must have your hands full.” And we would say, “Oh yes, it’s crazy,” but in stores, in that carriage, and with all the attention, they were perfect.
Fast forward to now: The worse freakin’ invention ever are the Home Depot race car carts. My kids sit next to each other, but end up ultimate kung-fu, kickbox fighting in 5 minutes. They can’t keep their hands off each other. So we either have to push two of those things around and be separated, or watch it all unravel in horror. You would think we would learn our lesson, but we still watch it all unravel in horror, every single time we go to HD.
Some how I put my ebay link on there, not realizing it was in my clipboard. Sorry about that. I was just posting about excessive amounts of laundry and selling clothing on ebay on my own blog. Whew.
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My Life. Exactly.
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For me, an exciting Friday night is the ability to go to Target by myself and wander up and down the aisles and no, I’m NOT joking! Doing that kidless is priceless.
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This actually makes me glad I don’t have a Target nearby. Oh, wait. I do have a grocery store. And a library. And…oh, so many meltdown-worthy places. I feel your pain, Jill.
My step one is always circling the parking lot 10,000 times for one of those ginormous carts that will strap down all my kids. Otherwise, there is no going inside. Once we get in we proceed through your steps.
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On. Target. Bravo. ;)
Vanessa
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Have you ever been to the supermarket with 3 toddler boys? Never, ever, ever again, and I mean it! Took one to Target this week and manage to get out with only 1 toy and no crying.
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Yup…and I did this shit with TWINS!! Argghhhhhh…
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I used to work at Target, and one of the things I was known for was for making kids smile after a meltdown/”I WANT THAT” tantrum. Funny thing is I worked in the dairy/frozen department…
I had one parent I just couldn’t help, though. She was looking quite like a zombie, with a newborn screaming in the car seat and a 3-year-old just kind of walking along beside. I guessed the baby had colic and Mom (and maybe big brother) wasn’t getting too much sleep those days…
My thoughts and feelings exactly.
I think I’ve seen you there! Yes, I was the one with my cart wedged in the Dollar Spot, weeping into my diaper bag, unable to locate one of my children (but not looking very hard). My ex-husband buys the kids something EVERY time they leave the house, so every time I take them somewhere it’s like I have to retrain them how not to be toy-grubbing whiny little feet-draggers. Sigh.
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Well my almost two year old has started yelling at me in the stores when he sees something… I think it’s a natural part of being a kid… it’s not you… but then I do the same thing, just so he stops yelling, I grab what he wants! Not good…. I know but I can’t help it!
Officially dying of laughter — so funny & so true (though, ive never been to a Target — it’s the same for me in any store!)
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OMG! too funny. Rushing to go potty, now.
I can assure you that mommies have survivied the Target experience. Ta-dah! I’m now a grandma who can go when I feel like it all by my self if I want to. Sometimes I accompany my daughter with her 3 daughters. Any cleans up in aisle 6 are not my problem. I used to say to my daughter, “I hope you have a daughter just like you some day.” He-he. Revenge.is sweet. Malika
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Do we have the same children? ::sigh:: sounds like EVERY one of my shopping trips..anywhere.
Been there, done that.
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My girlfriends and I all have smaller children and we occasionally like to get together and head to target together (something about the Starbucks and group chitchat gets us every time). So as you can imagine they probably hate seeing us walk in the door with 8 kids all under 4 years of age! It is a whining, pleading, hide your head hell fest but we do it anyway.
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How did you get inside my brain? :)
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Seriously, you don’t need the 7 stages. You need 2.
1. Don’t go to the store with the kids. ever. avoid at all costs.
2. if you must, tell the kids that if they don’t ask for anything while you’re shopping, they each get to pick one thing (set a $ value or you’re buying an electric kid jeep). One nag and they’re SOL.
See, parenting is simple.
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Target should only take cash. Leave all cards at home and take only certain amount of cash.
I have little trouble with the kids, but omg Target somehow just takes my money!
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Haven’t been in about 3 years. It’s just not worth it. :o)
Keep ‘em coming! Can’t wait to get your book!!!!
Ha, I remember a couple of summers ago, I desperately wanted a sundress. But some evil villain had taken the last two-kid-containing-cart. I was too tired to sling the baby. So my toddler, nearly 3, laid down, on his back, in the women’s dress department and screamed to the top of his lungs for 15 mins. I tried to shop, heck its not like I was going to loose him right? You could probably hear him in housewares. Ultimately, my mom mailed me 3 sundresses from out of state, because I called her from the parking lot crying and empty handed.
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Years ago my mother would have to drag all of us to the grocery store with her. She’d give us a lecture in the car and say, “DO NOT ASK ME FOR A THING.” Of course that never worked and we’d be pleading for twinkies immediately. She’d look at us as if we were complete strangers and say loudly, “I’m not your mother.” We’d whine and scream anyway, “Mom, you always do that…” Then at the check out stand she’d request to have her groceries delivered (this was the 60′s) and then give the delivery guy some money to take all of us with her on his runs. We’d sit in the back of the van, no seatbelts, eating bologna and loving every minute of it. And my mom got a good hour or so to herself. But obviously this kind of parenting now might get you put in jail. I understand your pain and so did my mother! Thanks again.
Yep, you got it right on, sister. I’ve been doing it for 10 years and am to taking 5 kids when I have no other choice. Or sometimes I think I’m all mentally healthy and the kids are acting fine so I just go for it and then regret it like $200 later. THEN I have to explain to hubby why I spent all that money and admit that I am a big pushover who gives in and buys toys and gum to shut them up so I can have ONE thought in my head about buying the ONE thing I went to buy!!!!!!!
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Hilarious! This actually reminds me a lot of what I go through when I go shopping with my husband. I swear, I can’t take that fella anywhere, haha.
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As a relatively new mom, my son is 15 months old, and as someone who works at Target, I can so relate! He loves “Cars” and anything Thomas the train, and I swear, he can spot anything relating to either of those two things from four departments over! And then he cries and carries on! I always promised myself I was not going to be one of “those” moms who give their kid something to hold as they’re shopping, only to get to the checkout to take it from them with a “no, we’re not getting this”… That comes from years of Target experience as a team member, and seeing it on a daily basis. Then the kid has a meltdown, and the mom or dad gets mad! Don’t get mad at the kid! You’re the one who teased him/her with the item! Now, I look at every mom who shops in my store and wonder if they are a “scary mommy.” lol..
This is so my shopping trip every time I have to take my kids!
I have resorted to having a list to make sure I don’t forget things among the drama following me around the store.
Then if people stare at me, I ask them if they want to take the kids home with them. For some strange reason, no one wants to take them. :)
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i have a 5 yr old Aspie boy…shopping is a nightmare..going to target is simply a trip to the lego aisle…forget that mummy needs shoes or little miss 2 may need clothes..or that its her birthday and we are only there to buy her a birthday gift..ha yeah right..
I don’t think you’re a bad mother, I guess all kids do that!
Oh my gosh- that’s hilarious. My kids are older, but that is sooo the conversation I had with my self anytime I had to take them to the store…or out to eat…or to a friend’s house…or to church.
my lovely daughter decided to have her laying on the floor screaming at the top of her lungs melt down right in front of all the cash registers by the doors for all the world to see. I just looked down at her, afraid to make eye contact with anyone. When I mustered up enough energy to cope I scooped her up and ran!
I recently took my 3 year old triplets to Target – BY MYSELF. Ug, never again. A lady actually stopped my and said “i am so sorry, I am sure it will get better”. LOL
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I work there and its my favorite place to shop. Once I clock out I don’t want to stay and shop. And on my off day I really don’t want to take my son in. But without failure it always happens. Sadly, I get it from both sides.
I took my kids to Target once, only once. My son opening the emergency exit & getting yelled at by the obnoxious associate was all it took for me to swear that practice off!
Wow! it is like someone is following me when we go shopping. That is exactly what it is like.
Best yet? Go to store when smallest child has recently learned the sh** word. And says it. Loud. And repeatedly. While older child laughs.
THIS is hilarious. Except I think of it in these terms with the Wife and the housewares section.
We were just at Target and my kid opened a can of alfredo sauce and poured it out in the cart, on him and on my bag. Awesome.
I have so felt like this with my kids. Especially my daughter, who is so effing dramatic it’s not even funny. I usually do let her pick out a dollar spot toy. It usually keeps her quiet. Usually. Unless she’s in a foul mood, in which case, there goes my delightful Target shopping trip..
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Or you can do what I did to my husband. If we ran out of toilet paper & I knew I’d have to drag my 3 little ones to Target, I’d just find substitutions around the house for toilet paper…use up all the tissue boxes, paper napkins, those fresh wipes…you name it! Until my husband needed to take a crap. Then he’d complain about not having toilet paper. I’d then say, no problem! I’ll run to Target, but you have to watch the kids because there was no way in hell he was going to help out until it affected him!
Oh my gosh, that is my sons. Actually my six year old. He thinks that if we go and do not buy at least one new toy I have deprived him of life. I would be cool if you could find a small one for $5 or less… but never. I love Target and adore the household area… and my sons are pretty good about going. Yet… the toy desire drive me nuts. Actually, I think any store with toys is just bad news. If only they felt the same way about new clothing…
This is my life story.
Someday I will make it out of Target without spending 100 bucks. Someday. That’s my biggest ordeal with Target.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..It’s Daddy’s Turn
Bwa ha ha ha. This is my family every single last time we ever went to Target.
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Try going to Target with a child with autism who runs away when they get upset. Big stores like that can be very overwhelming.
This blog is perfection! I died laughing from the start! Why do we torture ourselves?!!
I feel for you. Imagine doing it with a fist full of coupons, and boom, welcome to my world!
I ask myself why I let my kids go with me, instead of stay with their dad. Need to learn to adventure out on my own more often.
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This is so bloody true. I find starting with the m&m’s help! So what if it’s 9am..I figure I’m going to be judged regardless, so why not start from the beginning, at least my kid is quiet for a few minutes!
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Hahaha this is me EVERYTIME I let the boys sucker me into Target.
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Mine are the kids that are always running in multiple directions with me screaming after them that they will never shop with me again. Unfortunately for me we have to eat.
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Ironically, I live across the street from a Target. And sometimes Target is that close, sometimes it might as well be a million miles away because we will never make it across the damn street. Target is my haven, and my hell, in that it tempts me so.
I’ve had so much fun not only reading this article that rings true for so many of us, but reading your comments as well. We mothers have the hardest job in the world. Every one of you, give yourself a pat on the back – you’re doing a fantastic job. :)
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YES! Target was evil before in the way it could always lure me into buying things I didn’t need, but now it turns my toddler into a toy-lusting maniac. Ok, so he’s always like that. But Target used to be my happy place, and now it’s hell on earth.
Omg! Yes! Totally me when I take the kids anywhere!
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I just had this happen today. I am in Hobby Lobby and my 11 yr old is touching everything, up-selling it to me, like I’m stupid and am not aware of what she is doing. While I’m fighting that, my son (8) is letting my youngest daughter (1) stick her finger in his nose. She nicks the inside and he starts gushing blood from his left nostril. My 4 yr old daughter is just hoovering near by, watching the show. We did not make it to the zoo, needless to say. I bought ought the two little ones fast food, to east my guilt of having to take the older ones back home, and the older ones had their discipline the second we got home. Now I’m waiting on the regret to kick in, but it’s hours later, and I feel nothing but justified. I was right.
Yeah! That’s one hell of a problem for me as well. But I changed my style. I’ll bring my children along after payday. So there’s nothing to worry about them bragging some toys^^
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Hate to break this to you (though you probably already know) it gets worse as they get older…..
Mine is 17 and female which probably explains why she went shopping to teh supermarket with me and I had a fight on my hands trying to convince her she really wanted the less expensive candle and “Hell no! I am not buying you new bedding on a whim….”
Then you get conversations that start with “Oooh when I move into my own place I am going to buy lots of lovely things from here…..”
How did she get so old so quickly……
I wouldn’t mind but I followed my mum’s example and used to leave her wailing in the middle of an aisle when she wanted something she couldn’t have thinking she would get the idea eventually – evidently that didn’t work.
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Hmmmm…no mention of the huge wire cage filled with large, evil plastic bouncy balls…those are the bane of my Target trips. But yeah, taking into account that omission, pretty spot on :)
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TRUTH! LOL I love Target, I hate Target. I love Target, I hate Target. I love…
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Did you forget the parts with the toddler leaving a trail of milk and goldfish crackers through the store? I finally got my 6 year old trained to that we don’t go to the toy section until I have everything on my list. (well, he knows but still whines) Now my 3 year old is the problem child and runs away in the store (last time I found her trying to play the display model of the Nintendo ds). But I do highly recommend time outs in the cart if necessary (ignore the screaming and thrashing if you can).
But in spite of the drama I do like shopping there and the management at the store near us is pretty tolerant. Once my 4 year old slipped in a 4 foot puddle of bubble soap (not his doing this time) and was soaked to the skin. The manager gave me credit for the new shirt and pants I had to buy (at least there were extra underwear in the diaper bag).
luckily for me, i don’t like shopping at Target, I feel most items are too over priced! We’re CHEAP!!!!!!!! SOMETIMES when we actually go to Walmart, the ONLY thing my daughter (2.5) is really interested in, is seeing the fish. And we walk right THROUGH the toy isles to get there! Granted she has her meltdowns and I throw goldfish at her, but it’s because she doesn’t like to sit in the shopping cart very long!
No Kiddin’! The only thing missing is…..then they take off on you. Mine did that me today. Shear panic. Found him and then felt like the worst mom in the world.
I work at Target and so I’ve seen quite a few times when this has happened. I have three pet peeves about parents with kids shopping. My store closes at 11 pm and I have lost count of the number of people shopping when the store closes with small children is ridicules. The last two are kind of one. I can’t stand the parents that let the kid play with some thing while they shop and the when they check out say they don’t want it. When I have to take it away the kid will start screaming most time. the last one is if your kid is chewing and/or drooling on a toy please don’t hand it to me and say that you don’t want it. While you might be used to your kids drool on everything, I don’t want to touch it and we can’t sell that to any one else.
My lil girl calls it the “Red Dot Store” :)
I can’t even go to the corner drugstore with my son unless I want to drag his screaming flailing body out. Why do they have to put those damn cars right up front! I think I need to just leave them in the car at 7-11 (where I can see them) to run in for milk. It’s ok if I leave the window cracked….right???
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I read this post and thought sheesh someone must of followed me around the store.Believe it or not my two year old isnt that bad because I have her “trapped” in the seat of the cart.. My 9 year old?!?!? that is a diffrent story. He lags behind,dances around,stands in front of people and wont move..Then when we head back home he pouts because I wont stop at McDonalds..
Wow- so true. This is why I love solo trips to Target whenever possible. What a selfish mom I am!
I am not a perfect parent. I have my battles with my daughter. Store meltdowns are not one of them though. There are no talks before the store, there are no treats in the store, there are no bribes in the store, when we are done shopping, she *might* get to pick out a toy from the $1 section or get a .25 candy. If she is really good she can get both. If I hear whining, there’s no treat. If there are tears, screaming, kicking, running away, or other bad behavior, we leave without buying anything and go home and talk about it in the car. If I hear “I want…” she usually hears “we don’t have money for it today, but maybe another day.” There is NOTHING at a store that I need so badly that it takes priority to discipline. I’m mean about it. She has to behave if she wants a reward, and bad behavior results in no reward. Most trips she gets to pick out a treat and we leave the store smiling. It is the LAST thing we pick out and she can take as long as she wants to decide. There have been days where we don’t get to the door though. When we have those days, we go home and calm down. Then we talk about why we didn’t get to go shopping. The next trip is better. As much as my husband complains that she whines (pot, you’re black!), she generally does a good job now when we are out together. She will be 6 in January. Maybe I’m lucky? Maybe I need to have more kids? Maybe you could try just leaving when the tears start? If you’re going to get to “the inevitable” of not getting what you went for, why not skip the rest of it too?
Target is what I call the $100 Dollar Store. Why can’t I spend under a hundred in that freaking store? Are they pumping in special gases that increase spending? Is it the happy overall redness of the place? That freaking adorable Target Dog? I don’t know. But they may as well just take my entire bank account over because they’re going to get my money anyway. Worst part is, my kids love going there too. It’s like a mini vacation! “Let’s go to Target, Mom!” My 2013 New Year’s Resolution: Target is the devil, so you may only go once a month and with only $25 on your person. Yeah. That’ll last.
I don’t think I could live without hearing that you all go through the same thing when I feel like the worst mother on the planet I come here and then I feel OK like I can go on because its normal and I really don’t have the only demon spawn on the Earth. Whoever said terrible twos didn’t know what she was talking about its the terrible treacherous turmoiled three’s LOL! I do feel some aggravation when a mother needs to slip in that her child is always good at the store, when mine is screaming yelling and throwing a tantrum on the floor because she couldn’t get the hello kitty garbage can for her room that she doesn’t even know what the hell it is used for….she just likes the pictures.
Yup, I had to carry my 3yo out of target screaming at the top of her lungs several years aho. I felt every hateful eye on me as I just lugged her unhappy ass to the car to let it out. My infant son melted in there so much that I started with mild anxiety every time I set foot in there. I still rarely take them and they are 11 and 9. Its just better that way.
I love what you guys are up too. This kind of clever work and reporting!
Keep up the amazing works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to blogroll.
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This was funny! I remember chasing my three year old who insisted he would be good and walk around target while people just stared at this woman chasing her son while pushing a cart with and infant in it! Someone finally helped me out, after going half way around the store, and stopped him verses staring!
I am now thankful that all three kids are well behaved. There a lot of oooo I want this mommy but followed by nos! And we avoid the toys section usually because they already have enough and if they want something new they need to get rid of something! My two year old just sits quietly! And the last time I took my husband into target we walked out with 250$ receipt!
TARGET POPCORN purchased BEFORE shopping is my lifesaver! It works so well, I am tempted to go in there to buy it when I need to go to a different store to go shopping like Kohl’s or the dreaded Walmart shopping day. Granted ~ my little one is only 2 so I am sure that the popcorn trick isn’t going to save me from the embarrassing meltdowns forever ~ but I will take it for now! Oh and I ALWAYS walk out of Target with unintended purchases… DAMN THAT STORE!