15 Things Veteran Moms Really Want to Say


Becoming a mother is like walking into a high school cafeteria. The cool moms, women who manage to get dressed and brush their teeth on a daily basis, sit at their own table. The moms who breast feed sit together, while the formula moms sit elsewhere. The sleep trainers swap stories at their table. The co-sleepers eat their lunches alone, so they can finally stretch out. The attachment parents wear their babies at the corner table. And everyone waits for a new mom to drop her lunch tray, so they can gasp and point fingers and roll their eyes at her missteps.

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Well, this is the picture perpetuated by the Mommy War mentality, an archaic notion that reduces grown women to catty school girls. This analogy falls flat for too many reasons to count. We’re all moms, so we haven’t been served a meal in years, and we don’t know when we’ve eaten food that’s still warm. And given an opportunity to complete a sentence, most of us wouldn’t waste it on passing judgement especially on new moms.

The us vs. them mind set is the exception not the rule. When an “experienced” mom sees a “newbie,” the look in her eye as fruit loops cascade from the open van door is not judgement; it’s nostalgia and camaraderie. We’ve been there, and if a child didn’t need our attention “now, Mommy! Please, Mommy, please! Mooooooooomeeeee!” we’d say…

1. It’s totally normal that the car you used to get detailed religiously looks like the place Goldfish crackers go to die. Just yesterday we found the remains of a hot dog beneath our seats.

2. We’re truly impressed you prepare healthful, organic meals everyday from scratch, but don’t beat yourself up if when you lay in bed reviewing what your child actually ate, you discover his calories came from pickles and Nerds. It happens.

3. We agree that the hands-down best high (no matter what you did in college) is the one you get from your baby laying heavy in a heap on your chest. Thank you, oxytocin. And no judgment here if you forgo a night out to cash in on the opportunity to cuddle up.

4. Don’t worry if you consider purchasing a taxi cab because you heard the plastic partitions can be made in soundproof material. We already looked into that.

5. There is nothing wrong with you at all if while cleaning the nursery in a few months, you tear up throwing away the nasal aspirators because your big girl can blow her nose all by herself. These milestones come out of nowhere.

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6. Don’t you dare think less of yourself if you do the sniff test to your clothes before you consider washing them. A little spit up on the shoulder? If you can scratch it off, it’s perfect for running errands. We applaud you for “Going Green”!

7. We get it if when you decide to return to the gym, you do it under the guise of getting your body back but know deep down it’s for the childcare room. We’ve seen them sanitize the baby swing. No harm. No foul.

8. We applaud your homemade cleaning products. Vinegar is magical! We didn’t notice at all that you turned to Clorox and Lysol when your little one got his first stomach virus. We thought “projectile” was hyperbole, too.

9. Don’t question your strength just because you can’t take the lollipop your precious little one has been licking for 45 minutes. There is nothing stronger than a baby holding candy. Nothing.

10. No judgement here if you consider asking your husband to celebrate your birthday or his birthday or next Tuesday with a vasectomy.

11. Please don’t underestimate your parenting prowess when your little one embraces Time Out as an opportunity to play quietly and use his imagination instead of reflecting on his bad behavior. Enjoy the minute of silence.

12. We still think you’re fashion forward after you spent the entire day with Cheerios tucked into the folds of your scarf and a chocolate kiss mark on your cheek.

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13. We admire any answer you can muster (as long as it doesn’t include details about grooming shapes and vajazzling) when your cherub asks about pubic hair while you’re both squeezed into a public restroom stall.

14. It’s not lying to tell your babe that Caillou went on vacation with his Mommy and Daddy and won’t be back for a long time. We call it self preservation.

15. You’re still wearing a nursing bra but haven’t breastfed in months? There’s no statute of limitations on those things. We can’t blame you for avoiding a bra fitting. One change at a time.

We could go on and on because motherhood is the great equalizer, and we’re all just doing the best we can. Instead of passing judgement, we’re looking for strength in numbers. However, if you happen to come in contact with Judgey McJudginstuff herself, we fully support you thanking her for her insight while patting her shoulder with a hand that may or may not have poop under the fingernails.

Welcome to the club.

Related post: 10 Rules of The Mom Club

About the writer

Emily was a career woman, "Mommy!" in the pedagogical conversation, "Mom!" hand on the pulse of culture and art. "MOOOOM!" Now she knows what's really important. "Wipe me!" Emily finishes her conversations at girlalwaysinterrupted.com and on FB at Girl, Always Interrupted.


Lisa 5 months ago

I always knew I would have to go back to work, but my eldest tested the boundaries on that one ~ he would not transition from the boob to bottle. When I realized I was having an arguement with at 4 month old (“It’s the same shit only in a different container!”), I knew right then, go back to work (I already had childcare done), or lose you freaking mind. I went back to work. He will figure out soon enough that boob or the bottle, either one is food. My other son couldn’t have cared less, as long as he was getting fed.

Meg 5 months ago

The baby in the picture kinda makes me want babies all over again. Ok, maybe not. Ok maybe a little. For like an hour or so every few days.

ChillingOut 5 months ago

Whoa Marysbaby83. The point of the first paragraph is to give you an image of the judgement between moms (aka mommy war) that DOESN’T REALLY EXIST. Or did you skip the 2nd paragraph that says “Well, this is the picture perpetuated by the Mommy War mentality, an archaic notion that reduces grown women to catty school girls. This analogy falls flat for too many reasons to count.”

This is a piece about camaraderie which happened to begin with a juxtaposition of the opposite.

Slow down and try to breathe through your knee jerk reactions.

pina ambrosino 6 months ago

I want a car with a sound proof plastic divider for road trips

Kari 1 year ago

Something’s never change. This veteran mom of a 22 yo and a 26 year old has ALL the items burned into my memory. And trust me when I say. This is all just getting you ready for the teen age years. And the one family member that still misses the French fries in the car. Our 13 yo Cairn Terrier. To this day. EVERY time she gets into car she searches every inch of the car for one stray French fry. Special note. The mini van has been gone for about 8 years. But she’s eternally hopeful.

Marysbaby83 1 year ago

The comment about formula feeding moms in the opening of the article was slightly disrespectful and unnecessary. More than one of my friends had no choice but to formula feed for one reason or another. In a piece about camaraderie it’s unfortunate some moms had to be slapped by guilt in the first paragraph. Also, Caillou should be illegal.

Azu 1 year ago

#3 is really weird. There’s no possible way anyone can get a “high” from having a baby on your chest. That’s just weird

heidi 1 year ago

You forgot one. Letting your toddler dress themselves is good for their indepence. No they don’t have to match, and no it doesn’t reflect negatively on you.

Nicole 1 year ago

I love the one about caillou! I’m going to try it with the one coming but if my first born would only believe it, thatd be great! Ugh I so can’t stand that whiney little best (meaning caillou)

Amy 1 year ago

I loved this list, but #3 is my favorite! Yes my sweet girl fell asleep on me for the first year of her life and wouldn’t let me move her for the first 4 months. It was worth the pain and stiff neck and I don’t regret it one bit. I tried to make it last longer, but she wants her own space now… So when people said I’ll have trouble getting her to sleep later, I say oh well. I’ll never get this time back!

KT 1 year ago

I wish more experienced moms were teaching how to breastfeed and not that formula is ok. Remember that this is an ad from a company that wants to sell you a product. Please find your local LLL support group.

Catherine 1 year ago

My biggest problem was when moms assumed things, when pregnant it annoyed me to no end to repeatedly hear “enjoy your sleep now” and “oh just wait that little spill will be nothing to you when baby comes” I couldn’t stand to have mothers think I was a moron who could never comprehend parenthood, once I had the baby it got worse, parents telling me how to raise my kid, what diapers to use, my sister has7 children and I’ve helped with them all, so while I did have an advantage other first time moms might not have, I’m sure it’s just as annoying to hear for them as it was me. This blog made me smile and I’m thankful for that.

Brittney Ann Marie Lozon 1 year ago

“You go ahead and make that step by step birth plan!” Lmao my fav.

Loan Pham Lynch 1 year ago

I’m pregnant with my 3rd and a woman who is pregnant with her first was giving me advice to combat morning sickness. Um really?

Ricki Snow 1 year ago

I love these, they remind me of my times with my kids an even though it’s been a lot of years I remember and agree with them!! Thank you for sharing!!

Nicole Williams 1 year ago


Meaghan Oldershaw 1 year ago

The people responsible for writing, producing and broadcasting Calliou need their heads examined. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t hate that little jerk.

Michelle Holt Finch 1 year ago

Honestly the only thing I ever want to say is it’s not that bad enjoy it all because TEENAGERS are waaaayyyyy worse than any new mom dilemma mentioned in the article!!

Mary Anne Layne 1 year ago

And then you become a Mother to Teenagers…no judgement there either!!

Natalie Harris Dulaney 1 year ago

love this. I am by no means experienced, but I still love this

Katie Tookie-Tookie 1 year ago

Here here!

Taira Zgrablich Hayner 1 year ago


Rhiannon Reynolds 1 year ago

#11 lol yep

Loran Michelle Wilburn 1 year ago


Jen Robinson 1 year ago

Love it!!

Joleen Natoli 1 year ago

Too funny– how much motherhood hasn’t changed!


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