Things You Can’t Do When You’re Not a Toddler

Even if you really wanted two cookies, dammit…

About the writer


What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill Smokler’s stay-at-home days with her children, quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Welcome to Scary Mommy!


SM 2 years ago

These guys did three other videos too. Things You Can’t Do When You’re Not a Middle Schooler, A Cat and Online. HILARIOUS!

Josie 2 years ago

I would luv to throw myself on the ground and kick and scream. Handling stuff like an adult sux!

Ann Blamire 2 years ago

This is the funniest thing I have seen in a very long time. It’s so true.

Christine Rhodes 2 years ago

Is there some significance in it being a man?

Kimberly Carron Hayes 2 years ago


Missie Foodie 2 years ago

omg I needed that. Thank you.

Livia Pereira 2 years ago

Precisely. Hahaha

Susan Mackey 2 years ago

My 4 year old boy wants to get a cat and name him penishole. I don’t think I could get away with that 😉

Anita Grizzle 2 years ago

I’m going through my second childhood. Why can’t I do these things?

Karen LM 2 years ago

I totally can too play in the lawn sprinkler! If i didnt live in a flat.

Rachel Carrigan 2 years ago


Andrew Heidi Bernett 2 years ago

Sooo funny! Thank you!

Angel Morgan 2 years ago

I had a boyfriend who kicked and screamed on my bed like a toddler as we were arguing!!! Note: HAD.

Sally Duchow 2 years ago

Very Funny!

Lyndsey Greer Williams 2 years ago

So funny. Watched that as 3 yo girl decided naked is better and crawled in lap.

Nicole McCurdy 2 years ago

Ha ha ha!

Wee Jules 2 years ago

Haha brilliant

Jessi Thorpe 2 years ago

I think I’ve seen some very drunk individuals do most of these

Sara Conner 2 years ago

So hilarious! Love it!

Tana 2 years ago

Love this! My daughter is almost 3 and this pretty much sums up our day… Everyday! Laughing but crying on the inside!

Erin Youngblood 2 years ago

I laughed out loud. Made my night.

Amanda Nieman Knutsen 2 years ago

My 3 (and a half) yr old just watched this and said “wow, that guy is awesome!”, lol.

Sarah Martin Woodruff 2 years ago

I literally just cried I laughed so hard

Kimberly Webb 2 years ago

Why can’t I run through the sprinklers anymore? ^_^

Lydia Durham 2 years ago

It’s like someone is watching my house…

Adrianne Parks 2 years ago

I’m 35 and a half.

Caroline McDonald 2 years ago


Stacy Hebein 2 years ago

Oh we know the feeling all too well!! LOL

Jenn Adrien 2 years ago

Just got back from a BBQ where my toddler did abt 75% of these things.

Melody Mankus 2 years ago

The last part, tossing the cup on the floor, made me laugh because that has been my 16 month old’s favorite “game” for some time now.

    Lydia Durham 2 years ago

    My oldest threw his sippy cup and nailed a stranger at an outdoor 4th of July concert.


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