Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
1. At two, they can barely talk.
At three, they never shut the hell up.
2. At two, they cry.
At three, they throw temper tantrums so epic, you become convinced that they are possessed by the devil.
3. At two, they’re happy to eat anything you present to them.
At three, they eat only three foods (usually consisting of a starch and processed cheese.)
4. At two, baths are a ten minute event, the result of which is a clean child.
At three, baths take over an hour, and result in a drenched bathroom, sopping wet mommy and 16 used towels.
5. At two, they wear diapers that can be changed on your watch.
At three, they’re potty trained and the world revolves around their bladders and bowels.
6. At two, they are distracted by a box of Gerber Puffs at the grocery store.
At three, they want to dictate your entire food list.
7. At two, they let you dress them, looking innocent and adorable.
At three, they insist on picking out their clothes, looking like pint sized versions of mental institution inhabitants.
8. At two, they don’t like to get dirty.
At three, they thrive on it.
9. At two, you can do things for them, saving infinite amounts of time.
At three, they must do everything by themselves, taking FOR-fucking-EVER.
10. At two, manipulation is the last thing on their minds.
At three, they own you. And they know it.
{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this one!! Good to know for the future.
I totally agree and I was forewarned by friends and family long before I had children that three-year olds are much more “challenging” than the so-called “terrible two” year olds. Three-year olds seem to know just enough to push their own agenda and test their parents. Hang in there!
Reinventing Dad’s last blog post.."That" annoying question
I hear ya… My daughter will be 3 in September and she is morphing from bright and clever to bitchy and hateful. And my hubby had the nerve to pout about me wanting to purge all the baby stuff. I said what… we’re having more? He’s all… well, yeah I thought we were. He clearly has not spent enough time with our one and only lately…
My daughter just turned 3 last Friday. She is evil. Terrible 2s are TOTAL bullshit….I agree.
I follow you on Twitter….saw your tweet about this post.
Cammie’s last blog post..Not Me Monday
It really is the threes that get you. They just tell you it’s the two’s so you won’t see it coming and try to trade them in for a new model :)
KathyB!’s last blog post..Forever young
Well…that’s reasurring….or not! :) I thought I was entering the difficult stage now. Kind of sucks to know there’s another one around the corner. But, I’m glad to be forewarned!!! My child has decided to put a freakin fit if he doesn’t get his way at all times. And then he starts thrwoing stuff…..he’s only 21 MONTHS OLD. Not even two yet! What form of punishment do you use? Does timeout work? I think he’s a little too young for that so I just ignore him which right now tends to work. But i’m ready for #2…..LOL
Jamie,
Consider growing pains. When a child is so out of control, try offering to hold them. Then hold them firmly, so they don’t have to be in charge. I wonder if they think no one will ever stop their unwanted and unhappy behavior? Sometimes a little one needs to move his bowels and other times the ‘time out’ means he’s too tired to be in charge any more. Naps are great. Suggested lovingly, most little ones can’t resist. A little understanding and tenderness lets them know how helpless they are to rule the world. You will take charge for now …
Yep, that’s what my relatives and moms with older kids tell me. Since my babe isn’t quite 9 months I can’t speak from experience. YET!
Love the sunglasses bathtub shot. One for the album, for sure!
christy’s last blog post..Yep, I want this
I totally agree with you. Hayden was a wonderful 2 year old but the three came and wow three was awful. I was hoping that the babies were going to follow this same pattern but oh no, two is pretty terrible here and they are not even two yet.
Now four, four is an awesome age. So I guess there is hope.
Jen, buried with children’s last blog post..When A Bear Attacks
Oh the joys….you painted an honest and colorful picture. :) Good things to know. ***I just voted for you!!!**** I know what took me so long!?!
Ann’s last blog post..Big Thanks, A Little Gobbling and a lot of Goodness!
We never had the terrible twos. We had the trilling threes. And then we had the all out F wording fours.
I have a 6 year old who still hasn’t outgrown the “Terrific Threes”. He pisses me off daily, he talks back, calls me names, swears at me, and the list goes on. He badgers his brothers too. I am just waiting for the day that he pisses off the wrong person and they give him hell. It doesn’t matter what I do to him he still rants at me. I hope yours out grows this stage.
Suzi’s last blog post..Even The Birds Are HOT
I’m different in that my kids were worse at two and better at three… But I get it!
I am where you were when Lily was two. This post was a serious rain on my parade. I was prepared to believe we had skipped that phase.
Hey, maybe it won’t happen with Lukas….
James (SeattleDad)’s last blog post..Secret Plan
ok…finally someone agrees with me.
twos…so cute.
threes…not bad.
fours…i’d rather suck the jowls of a rabid bulldog. four year olds are possessed by the devil…alleging one believes in the devil. although, if you have a four year old, chances are…you TOTALLY believe that there are evil forces at work…
anywhoo.
yeah, i agree with this post.
melissa’s last blog post..To My Children. Here, Let Me Mark The Spot For You To Kiss
yup! my mom always said they scare you about the 2′s to prepare you for the 3′s
Lizzie’s last blog post..Kindergarteners & Nutjobs
Too funny!
But I guess I shouldn’t laugh too hard since I’ll be there soon enough. Thanks for the warning – always good to go into something fully advised.
Oh, I voted too!
T Rex Mom’s last blog post..My Second Award!!!
Sun glass in the tub, totally awesome photo.
My kids’ 3′s were TOTALLY HORRIBLE and much worse than their 2′s. I agree.
No, definately not just you. I’m only a month away from “4″ and hoping this whirlwind of whine, argue, ignore, and food apathy end soons.
Julie B.’s last blog post..Baby Picture Sunday – All About Mom
Yes, 3′s are bad. My middle child is 3 and my youngest is days away from 2. But just wait, first grade girls are the worst!
Mine had the terrible 3′s too! Now, I’m trying to prepare myself for puberty and teenagers.
Christina’s last blog post..BACK TO BUSINESS AND…. I GOT TAGGED…. AGAIN
Oh god I am in the same boat. I hope it ends soon.
Angela’s last blog post..Not Me! Monday #8
Kids are so awesome. I’m in the stage that I might go insane. The 12 year old (almost THIR-TEEN, mom!) is bossy and has opinions on everything. The 8 year old PRINCESS will have none of her siblings’ crap, and refuses to lower herself to playing in their presence. Then… there’s the 6 year old. He knows everything, and I’m stupid.
And I still wouldn’t trade all of that for 3 years old. Never again. Two year old are fun, because they’re still exploring. Once they hit three, they’ve seen it all and now want to get set in their ways… like an 80 year old man.
We wish patience, and if not sanity, a pill that closely resembles it until all this passes.
You do not know me but I have read your blog for a bit. As a mother of 5 kids my youngest being 10 I have been through the three year old crap a few times. I think it is preparing you for their teenage years. They are not much different. I would love to give some advice………don’t let them win. The more you give in to their rants the more they do it. As far as clothing goes you can either just let them be free to decide what they wear and most people will know they dressed themselves, (honestly what mom would combine the things kids do) or you could law out in advance a couple of things to let them choose from. They feel in control and they are outfits you would approve of. Food is a tough one. I gave them a choice, they could eat what I made or not eat at all. Trust me they will eat. I have a sister in law who watches every bite her kids eat. She will make them eat a predetermined amount of food and wait till they do. I say kids will eat when they are hungry. Kids need to be offered new food at least 3 or 4 times to give them a chance to form an opinion. I hope this amy help you. From your pictures your kids look adorable.
julz’s last blog post..MY CRUISE
i so remember those days. just remember, they’re little people with less life experience (and pass the wine…) hugs
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I’m completely on the same page with you! The Terrible Threes are TERRIBLE! Far worse than the 2′s.
Hang in there!!
you are totally right…threes are the worst…until they become teenagers. then, unfortunately, it lasts MUCH longer than a year and i don’t see an end with three kids ages 14, 17 and 19, i think i’ll be in it forever!
but misery loves company, right? and everyone will tell you how adorable your kids are..and it’s true!
We used to call them the Terrible Two’s, followed by the Throttle-Em Three’s.
My dentist told me when I was a new parent that the best piece of advice he could offer was to “make them fear you.” Of course I couldn’t do that … but sometimes I wish I had!
Oh yes….three killed me. KILLED ME.
My prayers are with you as you continue you journey through Three…
Oh gosh. Me too. Boy X was a thrashing three year old, my little angel on the darkside.
I worried myself right into a head full of gray hairs. I was actually concerned about him being delayed because he hadn’t gone through the terrible twos. But ya know what? It’s easier when they’re three because they are a teeny bit more capable of listening to reason at three than at two.
“Mommy’s goina crack you over the head with the trash can if you don’t stop now sweetie” is not so abstract of a concept to a three yr old.
Hate to break it to you but 6 is not a walk in the park either….just a little something to look forward too! :)
My mom said 4 was the worst – I think she called it the “fearsome fours.” 3 has been hard for us too, but my mom says Reilly acts like my sister at 4 – so maybe we are ahead of the game. Not sure I will survive next year if… I can’t even bear to think it.
And I totally had to laugh at your comment about Evan being right behind Ben. I have said something similar myself about getting Reilly through this stage and then looked at Avery and said, “but she still has to go through it.”
Funny how actually being a parent gives you such new perspective! We think about how we used to critique some parents based on their children’s behavior until we learned that some behavior is just kids being kids.
is that the Blues Brothers in the tub?
grilled cheese, macaroni and grapes, geee why does this short, selective menu sound like my hubby?
sometimes I’m glad I’m not a parent….I was exhausted after reading this one momma.
I notice (now) only non-parents talk about the terrible twos. It must be part of a birth-control campaign.
Only after you have the baby do you hear the rumors about the threes.
I’m with you hon. I’ve got a friend that says two is just practice for three. Three bites ass. But four…. four totally makes up for it.
Yep, I concur. Twos, not bad. Threes worse. But as you know, it does go away. So easy now that mine are 6 and 8!
I love you for this post. Thank you for making me feel like I am not the only mother on earth who has children who act like crazies sometimes. My arms are covered in bruises and bite marks from my 3 and a half year old. My moms, too. If you saw us, you’d think we were being abused but someone way older than a 3 year old. I have a hard time disciplining too. I found that 3 was a lot harder than 2 years old was. Now my 3 (almost 4) year old is very independent and wants to do everything on his own – so if I go to try to help him zip up his jacket, he’ll get so mad, he will just not wear it. It’s brutal! It’s a constant battle.
Loukia’s last blog post..Interview with a 3 year old, take two!
So true. I think they picked Terrible Twos just because it sounded cuter. Terrible Threes sounds redundant and not as cute. Especially if you have experienced it, which I am right in the middle of as we speak (or rather, as I type.)
Or maybe there is no difference, they both sound stupid, or both sound smart, and I’m just not making sense. Because I’m drunk. Which sucks, because I haven’t had a drop of wine in weeks. I blame the Terrible Threes. They give me a hangover without the luxury of feeling tipsy first. So the way I see it, by the time Stella is old enough to buy booze she will owe me several margaritas.
Elisa’s last blog post..Winner’s circle!
That is exactly what I don’t miss. Oh wait, I have a FREAKING 9 year old who is doing the same things! Refusing to wear normal attire, eat any regular food, and talks back…. CrAzY!
Jack just turned 3. Lainey will turn 2 in a few months. It’s going to take a lot of wine…..
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As of now I don’t have a kid of my own but I have a nephew who is sometimes a pain in the ass.
Paul @ Palabuzz’s last blog post..Taken from Broad Daylight
My son was a fantastic two year old. Three scared me.
My daughter is different. She’s two and….holy crap…if I had had her first I don’t think I’d have had anymore.
Amber’s last blog post..The Duck Tool
Oh do I HEAR you girlfriend! When I only had Kyle he breezed by the two’s and I smugly thought what on earth are those other parents talking about. Easy baby, easy toddler, what else was a lie. Um NO ONE told me about the terrible 3′s. I had never heard of that before. My daugher is a terror. She’s 2 1/2 and I can’t imagine what life is going to bring when she turns 3. She’s a strong-willed, independent little girl. I know these traits will serve her well when she’s an adult. I have to keep telling myself this over and over again.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
3 Peas in a Pod’s last blog post..Menu Plan Monday ~ Week of May 18
My niece was the perfect child until 3, then she turned on us until around 5. I am proud to say, she is the most awesome 13 yo I have ever met. Hang in there. No clue why people say two is so bad. I don’t know a soul that thought the twos were as bad as the threes. Good Luck!!!
OMG I completely agree with you . I thought I was going to have to hang Reagan by her toenails last night. Please let this phase be short lived like you say!
Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy’s last blog post..By the Numbers
How could your kids be bad. They are sooooo damn cute.
DCUrbanDad’s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts from DC Urban Dad
Nope. It’s not you. Three is TERRIBLE.
MG @ MommyGeekology’s last blog post..I wanna spend my lifetime loving you.
You are SO right. Two’s were a breeze. Three’s were a bear (with both my kids).
Managed Chaos’s last blog post..Water Hazards
*making mental note to get valium prescription for self in about a year*
Kelly Deneen’s last blog post..Memory: Fishing
The terrible twos are just a prelude for the “wonderful” things to come.
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..WordFUL Wednesday ~ Cute Edition
You are exactly right! I have no idea why they call it the terrible twos rather than the terrible threes. The person who created the expression clearly knew nothing about children. I personally think that four is the best age. Good luck with your current three and you next :) Miss you all!
Love,
Allison :)
Oh and I meant your current three year old and then Evan. I realize it sounded like I was wishing you luck and a fourth child lol. Maybe one day :)
Dottie has only been two for a few months and I can already feel three approaching, sending chills up my spine…. three year olds are lucky to survive to be four year olds… pure evil they are…
cristin’s last blog post..Saddest Words I Ever Heard
Such a cute pic!
Miss E’s last blog post..Lusting After….
I hate the threes. I despise them. I dread them. They are the worst year of childhood ever. I wish there was some sort of 3yr old camp that we could send our kids to and then have them sent back when they are 4.
Missy’s last blog post..I know, I know
I’m going to half to disagree with you; three is my absolute favorite age! Maybe your kids are just delayed. KIDDING!!
Mrs4444’s last blog post..Can I Get a Third Opinion?
I remember those days. I’m so glad they’re over!
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Dear Reader vol. #1 =-.
Wow, thanks SO much for writing that.My little boy turned three ,2 months ago and tonight I reearching ‘anger in toddlers’ on Google.
I am literally blown away by the anger,outbursts,rudeness,name-calling,hitting,kicking,and general diasgreement.
He is being SO mean to me..I can barely take it.It is so nice to see that it’s not just us going through this..I am not alone.
It’s like my little boy has diaspeared and this very naughty three year old has arrived.He is literally breaking me down everyday.
I am proud that I am actually still here..and not fled to Mexico.
I find it so challenging.
But I know my sweet boy is there..somewhere and he’ll come back..soon!
ah.Thank God for Wine
Ugh. Threes. We had a tough time through Two, but we made it. Still intact, worse for the wear, but we made it. Then Three hit. Holy Why Did Craigslist Ban Selling Kids, Batman! The first three years were hard, but this fourth, this Hell on Wheels, Get Me off This Ride, When Is the Safe Surrender at the Firehouse Offer Null bullsh*t is just wrong. Just wrong.
I can’t wait for Three to be over. But several parents have just admitted that Four is worse. Fabulous.
Hi..I heard the 4s refereed to as the F*&%ing 4s.
My son is 3 and 4 months and have to say not to bad so far. We had a tough time shortly after his 2nd b-day and some terrible days during his 2s but, really nothing to want to shoot him over.
My other son is 2 and 2 months and like his older brother, the 2s are not bad at all.
I am really scared about the 4s. I think i have been spoiled so far and do not what to know what i have in store for me. LOL
Completely agree!! Nobody told me how hard 3 would be. I am anxiously awaiting our little boys 4th birthday, surely year 4 will be better :)
I whole heartedly agree. My number three is right in the middle of his terrible threes and it’s well, terrible.
.-= Peaches´s last blog ..The Big Give. =-.
I am getting mixed emotions reading the comments. I have girl turning three in two months and an only boy going 4 and a half in a couple of months as well (the two other siblings are college a college freshie and a sophie).
I had recently quit a fifteen-year career (finally) so I may be able to watch the terrible twos(?), threes and even fours to unfold before our eyes. Sadistic, yeah but those are some of the episodes I will tell them about when they grow up, (i did not have much to say about the first two as they were darling angels) as much as the happy (cute) moments.
It’s not to say I don’t work as full-time referee, (and cheerer, cash register, cook and nanny) but it takes my anguish (and momentary fits of anger) away because I get lost in those moments when I try to take mental pictures, simply because my camera isn’t around most of time when I need to film my actors.
I lost most of the chance with my teenagers, I wouldn’t want to screw these last two chances … again
i agree. three is kind of awful. :-(
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Cookies! Everything is Better with Cookies! =-.
I either have selective memory or had an extremely idealic bunch (5) of kids…including boy/girl twins ‘n a 15 month old girl next in line….essentially triplets…LOL….my older two boys were great also….honestly there were so few memorable issues…until…………………………………..
2006 I brought my youngest adult DD ‘n her 10 day old son into my life ‘n home….I essentially was coparenting him…about a year later she was able to strike out on her own successfully…..however, she works in the medical field with alternating shifts…many 12 hrs….I am alternate daycare…meaning all weekends, nights, etc….
Here is where there incredibly exasperating terrible threes come in! My Stars ‘n Garters! I am 60 years old….LOL ‘n there is not enough wine in the world to compensate….LOL…it is a constant battle of wills, mouthiness, meltdowns, etc….How did this loving little boy I refer to as Himself become this creature?! DD ‘n I were discussing his latest meltdown he had for me ‘n I said “Honey I simply do not remember any of you having these kind of reactions.” She has a steel trap memory for family trivia…LOL….’n she agreed, saying neither do I mom….
You are not alone young mothers…..we oldsters are experiencing it also :)
I’m so glad I saw this! My son is three and is suddenly such a horrible person to share a home with that it led me to start my own blog about it. I felt like this 3-year-old phase needs to be better publicized!! We need to know about this shit! Like you, I spent his 2′s blissfully happy that we seemed to skip the terrible part. He was so hilarious, sweet and kind. Now he is not kind, he is not sweet, but he’s still hilarious. I love him so, so, so much…when he’s sleeping.
Wow. My son has no grandparents for me to push him off on and frequently tells me he wants a new mommy. One day in tears and frustration, I packed his lil Batman backpack and took him to Taco Bell. I told him to choose one…anyone he wanted. Of course he conceded and wanted me….til we got back in the car. he wasnt my friend and didnt like me. He tells me to sleep on the couch and he will sleep in my room and tries to “make” me cook his dinner when he demands it. My son speaks very well and is very smart so I sometimes forget he is a child. I have picked up quite a few bad words and a very short fuse in the last 6 months…God help me! Thanks ladies.
Love this! Yes, I am also in the middle of the 3 year old hellstorm. I naively thought the mild difficulties of the 18 months-two year old ages were the “terrible twos”, and when they subsided, all was well. Yeah, until my once easy-going child turned three, and the defiance and daily power struggles started. Can’t say I’m not entertained though, when he says “I don’t LIKE that!!!” or tells me “no sit down in chair”, as he sits down in the chair to eat dinner. Hilarious the level of control that he wants to have over every single thing. It did make me feel better when his preschool teacher told me that she thinks about her preschooler “how can I not control my own child, when I control a whole classroom full of children each day?” It always helps to know that you are not alone w/your three year old. Looking forward to 4, and crossing my fingers that it’ll be easier.
OMG! Just stumbled upon this blog at the perfect time. I have spent the whole morning in tears wondering if we will make it through the terrible 3′s or not. You made me laugh. I love mom’s who can be real about the feelings of motherhood….if more were then there wouldn’t be the postpardom depression…can you have postpardom three years after birth?? Ha!Ha!
My daughter is 3.5 years old. Up to age 3 she was absolutely perfect! I felt so lucky…she had my temperament! Then, omg…overnight she changed. Lots of possible reasons…these all happened at once: increased time with dad, started preschool, mom got new boyfriend, nasty cold that lasted months. Yesterday she had a full on tantrum in a crowded airport because I wouldn’t let her push the stroller onto the plane. She tells me to “go away right now!” and is quite bossy. I have to remind her now to ask nicely…I have older children and I remember the three’s being the worst…quite irrational. It comes on strong,and then its over. Be consistent, and loving. Its hard, but don’t respond in anger.
You know i just entered the terrible threes and i agree. i just wish i had the wine option. my daughter used to be the sweetest most polite little girl youd ever see. that was untill about a month ago on her birthday. now its pure hell. normally i would just ignore her tantrums but the girl has a set of pipes on her like you wouldnt beleive, and when you get the pregnancy migraines it only makes it work. i cant wait to be out of this stage, if i make it out alive. i could understand if she actually had a reason for the tantrums, but 90 percent of the time she just starts screaming and kicking for no apparent reason. it would be nice if they came with an off switch for their voiceboxes. im soo not looking foreward to the new baby hitting the threes.
Ah, this came at the perfect time for me because my son turned 3 on Friday – I DO IT MYSELF!!!
Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog recently posted..Motherhood is Funny, but this Shit is Serious – The Great Debate: Ball Taps -vs- Birthing Babies
bahahaha I nearly pissed myself laughing because unfortunately you were so right with these. WTF are terrible two’s no such thing…terrible threes all the way
tania recently posted..Everything is better undressed
bahahaha I nearly pissed myself laughing because unfortunately you were so right with these. WTF are terrible two’s no such thing…terrible threes all the way
tania recently posted..Everything is better undressed
Classic. But just you wait until the f-ing fours. ;) They top it all.
murphy must have had kids recently posted..Top 5 signs your husband has gone back to work after Christmas vacation
My hubby and I do not put up with that shit. Our little diva has her demon moments, but she is a pretty well-behaved in the grand scheme of things. It helps that hubby is a teacher in a behavioral room and deals with this shit all day, every day. It’s amazing to watch him use his teaching skills to call her out. I’m not saying that my kid is perfect, in fact she is FAR from it. But she is actually a sweet kid. Hubs doesn’t let her walk all over him; I, on the other hand, do. But I’m slowly learning that I’m not doing her any favors by letting her run our lives.
I am laughing…yet again! This list could not be more true to my life right now. We have a little man who is turning 3 in a few days and everything on this list is REALLY happening!
Hmm, the three year old stuff sounds just like my two year old (except she’s not potty trained yet….god, I’m dreading that). Is it going to get worse?!