The Rules of Toddler Club

Toddlerhood - The Rules of Toddler Club

It’s a Toddler Club folks, and we are not invited.

1st rule of  Toddler Club – You do not talk about toddler club.

2nd rule of Toddler Club – You do not talk about toddler club.

3rd rule of Toddler Club – Protest getting into the bath. Once in, protest getting out.

4th rule of  Toddler Club – If asked a question, the answer is no. Always no. The only exception is when the question is: “Do you want a treat?”

5th rule of Toddler ClubNever go to bed. Ask a question. Ask ten questions. Request water. You have to go potty. You need a tissue. You need a story. You need a new pillow. New Pajamas. A back-rub. Just Never. Go. To. Bed.

6th rule of Toddler Club – If younger brother or sister is crying, cry louder to ensure total panic in household.

7th rule of Toddler Club – If pasta is served, ask for pizza. If pizza wish is granted, ask for pasta.

8th rule of Toddler Club – Never, under any circumstances, put any article of clothing on when asked only once.

9th rule of Toddler Club – Dinner is breakfast. Breakfast is dinner. Do not be fooled.

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10th rule of Toddler Club – If mommy says no, try daddy. If daddy says no, tell mommy he said yes.

11th rule of Toddler Club – Do not attempt to get all of your food in your mouth. Your clothes are hungry too.

12th rule of Toddler ClubDon’t trust anything with a crust. Rinds are not our friends.

In each other we trust,

Toddler Management

Related post: 10 Ways Pregnancy is Like Toddlerhood

About the writer

Kristin Quinn is the author behind the award-winning Mommy blog turned book, Misadventures in Mommyhood.  She is the mother of two children and owner of a yoga studio, yet often wonders when the day will come when she can take a yoga class or read a book.  Follow along on her Facebook Page for more humor, tales, and "mommy insider" tips.  She can be found tweeting, pinning, and 'gramming via @KristinQuinnMom


Sol Summer 2 years ago

Just curious, do any moms out there with older kids admit to NOT missing toddlerhood years? (Please spare the “you’ll-miss-it it-goes-too-fast” blah blah blah)

Keera 2 years ago

LOL: “If asked a question, the answer is no. Always no. The only exception is when the question is: “Do you want a treat?”
Everyday. Especially since my toddler is learning to talk. A toddler’s favorite word…

Jen Tate Smith 2 years ago


DeAnna 2 years ago

So true….so true….

Katie Bhargava 2 years ago

HAHAHAHA!! Oh, my life…

Amy Schanzenbacher Peters 2 years ago

I think my 3 year old wrote this lol

Randi Ryan 2 years ago

Lol…i know my kids got a copy

Misadventures in Mommyhood 2 years ago

Thanks everyone! Hope to see you over on my page for more laughs

Winter Dove 2 years ago

14th rule: flip out in public! never behave in public…

Daisy Zerega Forsythe 2 years ago

So funny! #4 is everything… Oh my.

Jennifer Horne 2 years ago

See – I knew there was truth in the “Kids Union” rumours!

Fiona Norman 2 years ago

Actually, a large number of these describe teens….!

Amy McFarland Brown 2 years ago

Number 6 for sure. It never fails.

Beth Kibler Spark 2 years ago

love the fight club reference!

Marie Artecona 2 years ago

It all makes sense now.

Nicole Refino Hopkins 2 years ago

Thanks for the laugh. BTW this doesn’t change when they get older. Still dealing with this

Erika McDermott 2 years ago


Jennifer Kitchen Morante 2 years ago

My kid has the hungriest clothes ever!

Sarah Christian 2 years ago

don’t forget mommy’s clothes! mommy’s clothes are extra hungry! toss them a few tasty morsels – bright red morsels preferred!

Jennifer Whittemore Ritter 2 years ago


Lindsay Umstattd 2 years ago

Its so true!

Nicole Woods-Sisk 2 years ago

As s mom to less than a month away 3 year old, hell has started.. This week no naps. I hate him some days. ;).

(Calm down, I’m kidding… I love my kid… Most days.)

Maggie Sacco 2 years ago

Yes to all. Laughed my head off!

Anna de Bruijn 2 years ago

Gotta love them!! precious times :-)) Yes, I mean it !!

Chris Jucius 2 years ago

As the mom to a kindergartener, I’m so glad to see he isnt the only emeritus member of the club.

Andrea Monroe 2 years ago

#11…my toddlers hair,ears and the floor is always hungry too. At least he shares!

Rebe Blanbenbri 2 years ago

Lol how cute! And true

Keegan Cochran 2 years ago

14th rule: Fall and hit you head right before mommy takes you and sibling to the dr. Make it look like you get the snot beat out of you.

Ayla Ervin 2 years ago

#6 made me smile.

Lisa Howatt Hamel 2 years ago

13th rule: Run. Everywhere. Do not stop until you hit something.

    Beth A. Kowker 2 years ago

    ……..Or fall down n get hurt…….at least our kisses make them all better most of the time

Monica Squires Dean 2 years ago

Nailed it! Every.Single.One!

Kristen Clark Dunkum 2 years ago

Love it

Dana Lopez 2 years ago

As for #7, my son always asks for pizza AND pasta. Every day. To confuse us, he occasionally says meatloaf.

Sandra Fung 2 years ago

Love # 10 hahaha

Megan Buckley Kennedy 2 years ago

Oh 5 and 6 for sure in my house! Haha!

Venessa Persons 2 years ago

My kindergartner is a senior member of the Toddler Club I think. He still follows all these rules. >.<

    Susan McCloud 2 years ago

    My first grader has grandfathered in to the Toddler Club at this point -_-

Susan Curley Milone 2 years ago

” Your clothes are hungry too.”

Elizabeth DeVirgilio 2 years ago

This was awesome! LOL! So true! Write ones for the teenagers lol

Angelica Nichole Johnny 2 years ago

Besides everything answer is no my son asked me why he 2 almost 3 or I let him havea snack he scarfs his down then demands mine

Jenny Adams 2 years ago

All of these apply to my son. Glad to know I am not the only one out there loosing my mind!!

Julia Dean Guenther 2 years ago

ha ha…but not really

Amy Buck-Cotter 2 years ago

Thanks for the laugh this morning! Hilarious!

Mandy Renfro 2 years ago

But but but, they’re so CUTE!

Melisa Giles-Hanwacker 2 years ago

Love this!!!!

Brenna Skaar Bryant 2 years ago

Or once in the bath, don’t sit down.

    Emily Urban 2 years ago

    Sit down only when it’s time to rinse off and you have soap all over your bottom. Refuse to stand because you’re tired from balancing on 1 leg while mom washed your feet.

    Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 2 years ago

    And by all means take a pee before you get in the bath, but also pee as soon as your toes hit the bathwater, too.

Kim Smits Foster 2 years ago

The clothes are hungry, too….. Haaaaaaaaa! Love it!

Amie Conner 2 years ago

11 and 12 for sure in our house!!

Jessica Sato 2 years ago

Every time I read these I get more and more afraid because my toddler isn’t talking yet. I’m scared of the future!

    Elizabeth DeVirgilio 2 years ago

    Be afraid, very afraid! LOL!

    Jessica Sato 2 years ago

    I’m literally shaking lol

Amy Maggs 2 years ago

Oh man this is totally true shell hahahah

Kelly Davidson 2 years ago

#8 – I’ve had to tell my daughter that she can’t nurse unless she has her clothes on or I’d never get to work in the mornings.

Christina Gathright 2 years ago

I had to share this! More truer words have never been said! Lol


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