10 Ways Toddlers and Frat Boys Are The Same

Now that I’m a mom of two boys, I’m slowly starting to realize how gross they really are. Even though there are not any Greek letters hoisted above my front door; the smells and mess you encounter when you enter – will definitely have you questioning whether or not an entire fraternity lives here.  Hopefully one day, I’ll have my own private bathroom or a live-in housekeeper (you know, if I win the lotto). Until then, here are 10 reasons why living with a toddler (son) is like living in a frat house:

1. They Are Proud Of Their Bowel Movements. Every time my son goes to the bathroom, he has to show me. “Momma, look what I did – Ta Da!” (You know you’re a mom when you actually go look and then react by giving a high-five.)

2. They Have Sub-Par Hygiene. I have to threaten my son to brush his teeth.  I usually tell him his teeth are going to fall out if he doesn’t brush them.  Mean, I know, but I can’t stand his rotten breath.  He wipes snot on his arms, his feet smell, and I’ll spare you the details and not discuss his butt-wiping capabilities.

3. They Have Poor Aim. Pee is everywhere.  Riddle me this – how hard is it to pee into a giant hole when you’re standing less than an inch away from the toilet? Why is this concept so difficult for men / boys?

4. They Pass Gas Anytime – Anywhere. Usually any breaking wind is accompanied by giggles, so I don’t mind this as much. (If you’re a grown man, then it’s not cute.)

5. They Like To Touch Themselves.  Even my eight month old immediately reaches for his boy parts the second his diaper comes off. Just last week, my toddler pulled his pants down to show my mother-in-law his privates.  Men and their pride – I guess it starts at birth.

6. They Pull All-Nighters.  My son is going through a growth spurt and he’s a night owl, which means sleepless nights for me too.  Even if he goes to bed late, he’s up by 6 am. I can’t wait until he’s a teenager and sleeps around the clock.

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7. Their Rooms Are Trashed. I clean my boys’ room  at least four times a day and it still looks like a tornado ravaged it. To find a pair of socks, my son insists on pulling every piece of clothing out first and then proceeds to throw everything on the floor.

8. They Try Sneak In Your Bed.  Every night my son goes to sleep in his bed, yet every morning I wake up and he’s in mine.  (Secretly, I love this because one day he won’t want to cuddle with me, and I’m not ready for that just yet.)

9. They Are Vomit Comets.  Toddlers are projectile vomit machines – in case you didn’t know. It usually happens when you’re wearing a nice outfit and it comes out of nowhere.

10. They Have No Filter. Leave it to your kid to embarrass you every chance they get. Offensive language is just part of their daily lives. Honesty is a virtue, but when you have a toddler, it’s a curse.

While I try teach my son to mind his P’s and Q’s now, I’m hoping as he gets older his manners will be more prominent in our daily lives. But first things first – we need to focus on his aim.

Related post: 10 Ways Pregnancy is Like Toddlerhood

About the writer

Holly Rust is a native Texan but currently resides in the great city of Chicago with her husband, two sons and their Chihuahua. She spent over 10 years in marketing, communications and the luxury hotel industry. She is now a freelance writer, www.hollyrust.com, which allows more time for sanity and family. She is the co-founder of Mother's Guide to Sanity, a humor blog where she shares stories about raising a rambunctious toddler and a nocturnal newborn, all while trying to manage a career. Holly considers herself the ultimate foodie and loves to travel. She is also an avid runner and completed the 2011 Chicago Marathon.


Richard-Holly Gibbs 1 year ago

I have a college student and a toddler and YES!!!!! This is so true!

Tonja Parrott 1 year ago

Hahaha…. i almost forgot you were reading about our sons and not our husband’s. ..lol As a mother living with a 10yr old son and my husband this was all so true…. I’m so thankful to have a new baby girl; )

Patricia Furrell 1 year ago

That’s funny

Merilee Brown 1 year ago

As the Mom of boys and girls I love my boys. They were every bit as cooperative and willing to please as my girls were. Their interests were different as they should be. How a boy or a girl behaves has a lot go do with how they are raised.

Melissa McKaig 1 year ago

Lol! Sounds about right!!!

Andrea Miller 1 year ago

Haha so true. Especially the aim!!!! I don’t get it either the diameter of the bowel compared to the diameter of the urine stream!! And they still miss!!! Very frustrating.

Crystal Coleman 1 year ago

The article seemed to forget it the title comparison and then just generalize all toddlers…

Tricia Ramos 1 year ago

This is true of girls too! Even the toilet and they try to hover for some unknown reason.

Lindsey English Anderson 1 year ago

#8 made me howl! Until I realized I have a 17 yr old dghtr..toddlers cute/ frat boys..not so much now;)

Yari Náter-Atiya 1 year ago

That’s exactly what I said after my 3yo inhaled three slices of pizza, passed out on the couch, then woke up to play on his mini-foosball table!

Randy Berens 1 year ago

11). They are fascinated by breasts.
12). They drink more than they should.
13). They drink from bottles.
14). They believe they can survive on chicken nuggets.
15). They believe they can drive, and they are very wrong about that.
16). If you don’t watch then carefully, they will go home with someone they shouldn’t.

/former fraternity guy

    Randy Berens 1 year ago

    Agree on day old pizza and chicken nuggets. Might also add Ramen.

Marisa Lott 1 year ago

14,11, 6 .. they fit most of these.

Julie Bryan 1 year ago

Some of these are more my daughter than my son. But, oh so true.

Karen Surry 1 year ago

hahahahaha!!! so true, all of them!

Maria Teresa Besonia 1 year ago

#4 are you talking about my son !!!!!

Kelly Hooghiem 1 year ago

I have two girls and they are exactly like this list! Lol

Heather S 1 year ago

Cant forget how they love to be nude and think its acceptable to go on with their daily activities in the buff 😉

Barbara Mastroddi-Lackey 1 year ago

Please, not another “all boys are disgusting slobs” article. Girls can give them a run for the money on a lot of this stuff, my girl in particular (who has her girly moments, but whom I have dubbed Oscar Madison for her messy tendencies, and has farting contests with her best friend.)

Becki Marin 1 year ago

I have three little boys. I am constantly saying to people that it’s like living in a frat house!

Kim Sheffer Moore 1 year ago


Cecilia Gaitan 1 year ago

Yep. To a T.

Kate Junk 1 year ago

Also–frequently stumbling and can go from “life of the party” to passed out on the floor in about 4 seconds

Ann 1 year ago

As a mom of a Four boys I couldn’t agree more!!! They really are born that way! You hit the nail on the head!- they’re gross! Hilarious!!!

Marcela Marchesini Kapfer 1 year ago

We have four boys. It’s like this all. The. Time. Our fourth is all bout #5 right now. He’s 2.

Brenda Marion 1 year ago

mine is almost 9 and most of these still apply! oh! and when he’s sick, it’s never into a trash can/sink/bathtub/toilet…it’s directly on the jute rug or stereo speaker…

Abbey Pelkey Kane 1 year ago

Love #8 myself!

Chavon Murray 1 year ago

These things are not exclusive to boys, lol I have 5 girls and 1 boy and other than the aiming issue they all pretty much apply

jenny luff 1 year ago

As a mum of both 2 boys and a girl, boys are worse at the young age, emptying wardrobes to find a pair of underwear, or weeing in wonky lines, but with friends of teenage girls & boys they tell me that the wardrobe emptying will slowly reverse and the girls will get the worse. so maybe boys are smelly when young and girls are messy when older! but of course you can’t generlise anything as it will depends on parenting styles and the kid themself!

Melinda Walker-King 1 year ago

Lol yep #3&5 just kill me—sitting here watching Frozen last night and I realize all 3 (6,5&3) have their hands in their pj pants…really?!? And the pee—if they would just pay attention and stop yelling at someone down the hall or calling the dog they might just hit the toilet.

Lucy Cocks 1 year ago

toddlers are basicly just small drunks!

Beth Catron Boyle 1 year ago

Our boys are now 24, 12 and 11…not much has changed

Cherie Atkinson Tan 1 year ago

Ha ha

Kimberly Zeitler 1 year ago

Lol too funny

Theresa Goheens 1 year ago

I call my grandson who is almost two “the frat house party boy”

Melissa 1 year ago

I know this is supposed to be a humorous article, and I get what your trying to do, but articles like this bother me as the mother of a little girl. When moms of boys act like they have the “yuck” factor of childhood on lockdown simply because they’re boys (and boys are dirty, duh), it is simultaneously sending the message that girls aren’t dirty, because we all know that girls are just princesses and ballerinas and never get dirty or smelly because girls don’t like be ickkkky ewwww. The whole “snakes and snails and puppy dog tails” vs “sugar and spice and everything nice” is so old and tired. I’m just over the generalizations. My 3 year old girl shows off her poop, wipes her boogies everywhere, giggles at her own farts, has stinky morning breath and smelly feet at the end of every day. Not because she’s a wild rough and tumble tomboy, but because she’s a KID. Plain and simple.

    Annie 1 year ago

    The author is speaking from her experience because she is the mom of boys, but the title includes all toddlers, not just boys. Don’t read into what isn’t there. I’m a mom of a girl, and didn’t take offense. Most of this applies to her too. And boys and girls are different. It has nothing to do with feminism and eqyality. They just are.

    shellie 1 year ago

    You know I just do not understand how some people get so easily offended. If it had been about girls you probably would have had a problem with that to . I am a mom to one boy and if I were to wright a blog it would be all about boys , because that is what I know . You want a blog about raising girls write one , and I promise if I read it I will not criticize you for not including boys .

    Julie 1 year ago

    Being a mother to both a girl and a boy I saw a lot of my son and daughter in this article! My daughter isn’t much of a tomboy but we had a rule she could not touch anything that crawled, flew, hopped, or slithered! Where my son was afraid of butterflies, well he has been stung twice. My daughter was the gassiest person I knew and she would not tell you when she’d do it, I mean they were like dirty bombs! Now my son thinks it’s hilarious and you always knew it was him. Now that she’s older, 12, lol, she usually does it in an enclosed car and makes you roll down the windows! Both of their hygiene sucks, I’m threatening on a daily basis and both of them and they are 12 and 8. I really think God had a sense of humor when they made my daughter and he really gives you as much as you can handle. Because if I had to deal with 2 children that acted like me, well I’d go bat shit crazy!

    Shannon Wagner 1 year ago

    Congratulations! You have just won the “flimsiest excuse to get offended” internet award of 2014. Sorry, guy on yelp who hates chain pizza stores, you were a close second.

Karen Marie Dwyer 1 year ago

I just loved this piece! As the mother or 3 boys, it rings very true for me. ….lol

CM Collins 1 year ago

Sounds like my husband.

Devon Baker Pierangeli 1 year ago

Lmao and very true

Venessa Persons 1 year ago

Spot on!


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