Who knew a fire escape plan would nearly break the internet?
Thanks to years of miseducation, stigma, taboo, and your general shrug-off about female oral sex, there are men who still bumble and stumble around the entire act. Which is why this viral tweet showing a the escape plan for some random boat and the reactions to it are so priceless.
Earlier this week, Twitter user @ayyjqce shared a photo of said escape map that looks nearly identical to a crucial part of the female anatomy.
Here’s said “escape plan” in all its vagina-resembling glory, complete with clitoris, clitoral hood, labia…you get the gist.
Most men can't find stair 1 roof access pic.twitter.com/GwqkSIpjoS
— Jason (@ayyjqce) October 30, 2017
“Most men can’t find stair 1 roof access.” LOL. Ain’t that the truth.
Naturally, the image has since gone viral with some A+ Twitter commentary. You know, because instead of rage-crying over how clueless some men tend to be about female genitalia and oral sex — we’ve just got to laugh about it instead. Or something.
AKA the stairway to heaven
AKA the stairway to heaven— Anna Gram (@DJAnnaGram) October 31, 2017
*insert applause emoji*
Where's the freight elevator
Where's the freight elevator— The Prince of Tide Pods (@BarryCrain) October 31, 2017
That's around back.
That's around back.— John Alderson (@johnalderson73) October 31, 2017
HA. Good one, boys.
Damn place was on fire & my ex would keep going for stair 2, like, bro, stair 1 is RIGHT THERE— Sarah C (@art_ticulate) October 31, 2017
There isn’t a human with a vagina out there who hasn’t experienced this exact scenario on at least one occasion.
They be staying at the “you are here” location like that’s the only place they supposed to be 😂— ✨ＤＲＥＡＭＥＲ✨ (@Kandybars) November 1, 2017
It looks straightforward on the map, but I’ve been in those trenches, and trust me, I’ve lost a lot of good men looking for those stairs.— Joshua Valdivia (@jdvald) November 1, 2017
Please, let’s take a moment of silence for the fools who lost their way.
"where is it, toby" pic.twitter.com/u0frsQluJI— David Knotts (@Qarx) October 31, 2017
No matter the circumstance, men will never ask for directions.— Katie Corradini (@KatieCorradini) November 1, 2017
And my personal favorite:
Is the architect a woman? 'Cause they would know 💁🏽♀️😆— 🇦🇸 (@GForeplay) October 31, 2017
This seems like a great place for a friendly reminder that half the world’s population has a vagina. A majority of the Vagina Populous requires clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. It takes a little bit of work, sure, but what’s fair is fair.
This whole thread reminded me that a guy I dated in college once gave up on the act when I was THISCLOSE and had the audacity to drunkenly yell into my literal vagina: “WON’T YOU JUST FUCKING COME ALREADY?!” I responded by removing his presence from my precious lady garden, immediately put on my pants, and got the hell out of there. The next day, my girlfriends and I dubbed his epic fail the night of the “Poodanda Palooza” and laughed at him for the rest of sophomore year.
Now while this Twitter thread is absolutely entertaining, it definitely proves that when it comes to oral sex, heterosexual men tend to jump ship long before the fire really gets going. Please, do yourselves a favor gentlemen, and memorize this map and all key locations.