Do you remember what Valentines Day was like pre-motherhood? No? Let me remind you of Valentines Day then and now…
Then: The day before Valentine’s day, get self a bikini wax, new flirty undies, ingredients for a romantic dessert.
Now: The day before Valentine’s day, clean up blood and gore from a scooter accident, wipe snot off shirt, run to grocery store for gauze and medical tape.
Then: The night before Valentine’s day, order Thai food, take a warm bubble bath, paint toes, drink a glass of wine, cuddle with spouse.
Now: The night before Valentine’s day, eat pizza on the couch, watch a Hawaii 5-o re-run, juggle the two warm bodies on lap so there’s room for the cat.
Then: Valentine’s Day morning. Surprise! Breakfast in Bed! (Meal: champagne, orange juice, naked man.)
Now: Valentine’s Day morning. “Surprise!” Breakfast in Bed. Which is zero surprise because the little one spilled the whole lot of goods yesterday, enraging the elder. (Meal: orange juice, an apple, huge slab of butter…oh wait, toast.) Attempt to eat while two excitable children demons frolic/fight on the bed. Strip sheets from bed. Start washer. Wander into kitchen. Clean up huge mess.
Then: Valentine’s Day gift: box of Godiva chocolates, savored slowly over a week, all to yourself. Thoughtful, mushy card.
Now: Valentine’s Day gift: box of truffles from Target, devoured greedily in three hours, not one piece of it yours. This card.
Then: Valentine’s Night: dinner at a little chic restaurant, champagne, epic nookie, fall asleep in spouse’s arms…cozy, content, grateful.
Now: Valentine’s Night: frozen potstickers, champagne, TiVo’d episode of American Idol, garbage out, clean hamster cage, break up fisticuffs downstairs before blood is drawn. Lurch into bed two hours ahead of spouse…haggard.
Hey, at least the champagne was a consistent element, right? And thank goodness sloppy kisses and hand-crafted Valentines make it all worthwhile…right? Even if the little one draws you with enormous jazz hands?
Children:2. Valentine’s Day:0.