Waiting For Baby

baby-clothes-dryingImage via Shutterstock

Dear Lil’ One,

Hi! It’s me, your mommy. I can’t wait to meet you!

Your room is almost ready at our new house. We were sad to move out of the city, but we wanted to be sure that you and your brother would go to A+ schools. Now, we have a playroom, a huge yard, and four bedrooms for you, your brother, and possibly another sibling.

We’ve been anxiously waiting for you to grace us with your presence. What’s taking so long, baby?

Are you being considerate of other first time mom friends in our group? That’s kind of you, but everyone- EVERYONE- is either pregnant, or on baby #1 or #2. You should have seen our Christmas cards this December. Half of them were birth announcements! You won’t be stepping, er…crawling, on toes.

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Are you trying to teach mommy a lesson: that patience truly is a virtue? I know. It’s not my strong suit. I’m great with your big brother, but throw me into a traffic jam or computer problems and I lose my cool.

Are you going to be exactly like me, taking forever to get somewhere? I’m a perennial slow poke. Grandma always teased me that I was the last student out the school doors.

Are you worried that we love your brother so much, that there won’t be room for you? Nonsense! My love for him does not diminish the desire to have you in my life. Nor does the desire to meet you diminish my love for your brother. The reason we want you as part of our family is because we love your big bro so much already, and we can’t wait to see the two of you grow up together.

Are you wondering if you being in my tummy will make me nauseous? We have three toilets in this house. I’d gladly bow down to the porcelain gods for you.

Are you thinking you’ll induce back pain? That’s what pre-natal yoga is for. I can’t wait to sign up!

Are you worried that I’ll be disappointed if you’re a boy (as I think you will be) and not a girl (as your father thinks you will be)? Lil’ man, I will welcome you with open arms. Plus, then I won’t have to learn how to wipe down.

You must know that I think about you all the time. Every day. More times in a day that I care to admit. I daydream about snuggling with you after nursing, watching you take your first steps, and fighting back tears on your first day of Kindergarten.

So, what’s taking so long? Why can’t I get pregnant?

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Some days, I am terrified that your brother’s conception and birth was a miracle, and the reality of more children is not meant for me. Please prove those dark thoughts false. Please join our family. There is more than enough love to go around.

Your big brother will go to preschool in the fall. Grandpa asked me what I’ll do during that time. I’d love to spend it with you, but until then, I’ll be here…waiting.



Related post: Infertility Jealousy

About the writer

Erin Petron Gosser is the Social Butterfly Mom, who scoffs at people who say that your social life is over after kids. By day, a French speaking, cloth diapering, baker extraordinaire in both real and pretend kitchens. By night, a cabaret rapper, below average triathlete, and club hopper (book club, that is). 


Kas 1 year ago

I feel your pain. I have a son from my first marriage, he is 11 now and I’ve been visiting my OBGYN for the past 3 years, she doesn’t seem to think there is an issue but I’ve grown tired of the same “treatment” to make ovulation happen. We have finally decided to start looking for an infertility specialist, I’m hoping he/she will find it’s a simple solution to my problem. I wish you and all the ladies trying so hard the best of luck!

Katherine 2 years ago

I have a 10yo and want to have more children bc I’m finally in a good place in my life…..I get discouraged though bc it seems like everyone I know is pregnant and my family brings me down by telling me about everyone who had 4+ miscarriages (grandmother, mother, both cousins, and sister, another sister had etopic pregnancies)…..I just need some support not bad news telling me it’s just something that happens

Qasharah Dean 2 years ago

My second pregnancy ended in a brush with death after I had to have emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my fallopian tube. A month after the surgery, with one tube, I became pregnant again. I am now 20 weeks in with a strong, healthy girl growing in my uterus. I still am scarred (physically and mentally) from the loss, but I think it also is making me that much more in love with this beautiful baby growing inside of me. I have one incredible five-year old daughter and another precious baby girl on the way, and I couldn’t ask for more in my life. Don’t lose hope!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Qasharah- your experience sounds scary on so many levels, but hopeful, too. I can see how you truly do not take the little life inside of you for granted.

Karen 2 years ago

One of the most difficult things about secondary infertility is that if people don’t know your struggle, you hear so much “so, when’s the next one?” and “isn’t {current child} ready for a little brother or sister by now?” — and if people DO know, they want to placate you with, “well at least you were blessed with one!” or the dreaded “things happen for a reason.” Or the also-dreaded “have you considered adoption?” as if it’s that simple. Wishing you luck!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Karen- yes, yes, all of that! People mean well, but all of those (unsolicited) questions and comments sting.

Kathryn 2 years ago

Wow, like a knife to the heart! We got pregnant with my daughter the first month we tried and had a healthy, mostly complication-free pregnancy and birth. Been trying for #2 since last September and had 4 miscarriages now. I don’t know what went wrong with my body. My first due date came and went last week and I am still not pregnant with my rainbow. When will our children’s siblings arrive?

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Kathryn- your question makes my heart hurt. That’s exactly how I feel. We also got pregnant with #1 very easily. Didn’t know until now that you could be over confident when it comes to your fertility. :(

Sammi H 2 years ago

I can relate. This is Exactly how I feel! We have a room. We have the time.. Why is it so hard when you want it to happen?

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Exactly, Sammi. And pretending that you don’t want it to happen…well…I can’t fool myself or anyone into thinking that.

Alyssa D Amstutz 2 years ago

That was beautiful. Every conception, pregnancy, child is a miracle!!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    I agree 100%, Alyssa.

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Stephanie Nicole Minderhout 2 years ago

Ain’t this the truth!!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thank you for reading, Stephanie!

Courtney Lynn Richie 2 years ago

I was blessed after a struggle through the fertility gamble with a beautiful 27 weeker and have just joined the battle a few months ago again for number two. This hits where is hurts, but it perfectly states how I feel. Great article!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thanks Courtney. And congrats on your (very wee) little one!

Amy Reed 2 years ago

Thank you so much for posting. We have been struggling with secondary infertility for 4 years and are ready to give up

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Oh Amy, I hope that you don’t. I know that feeling of it consuming your thoughts. How can it not?

Gemma Hoffman 2 years ago

Thank you for this!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    You are welcome, Gemma. Thanks for reading!

Ann Brown Bowers 2 years ago

I waited 17 years. The wait almost killed me. I wish I could have more. But I’m way too old now. Thankful oh so thankful for the one

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    17 years, Ann?! Yowza. I’m not sure that I could wait that long.

R 2 years ago

Going through this exact thing right now. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    R- let me say it again: you are not alone. We are out there, and we feel your pain.

Stacey Netzel 2 years ago

<3 my heart goes out to those struggling... one day, one way, you will all be blessed.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thanks for your kind words, Stacey!

Mary 2 years ago

Very well written…My sister went through something similar so I can really relate to it. Sending you many prayers and good throughts!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thanks Mary. I hope that your sister’s struggle ended with a baby in one way or another.

Katherine Casey Govoro 2 years ago

Awww tears.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thank you for reading, Katherine!

Melissa Nichole 2 years ago

I had my miracle 16 yrs ago, as a teen mom. Years later, after getting married and trying for another we were told conceiving naturally wouldn’t happen for us; I thought I was being punished :(
But what I didn’t realize at the time was God had a different plan for me and our family. That was 11 yrs ago. I’m happy to say we are a family off 11 now (9 kiddos! 16yrs-9mon) made possible thru fostercare/adoption.
you’re right, babies don’t always show up as planned…and for us, that’s ok. <3

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Melissa- what a beautiful outlook you have. I’m in awe of you being so open and generous to raising so many babies!

Jenni McGrogan 2 years ago

How sad- it’s taken me 3 years and a miscarriage to be pregnant now. I am just cherishing this pregnancy and will be happy to welcome this child in less than 2 weeks knowing it may be the only one I am able to carry-

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Jenni- I wish you luck in the final weeks of pregnancy and with welcoming that baby into the world! I hope that you can do it again, but I think you have the right attitude of not taking this one for granted. We never know what’s going to happen.

Parri (Her Royal Thighness) 2 years ago

Beautiful post. I went through this same thing. And so often when you already have a child but cannot get pregnant again, people tell you to be happy with the one you’ve got. And of course I was. But I grew up without a mom and all I ever wanted was a family of my own. And I never knew that family would just be the three of us. Don’t give up, Erin. We stopped trying. And there is still a hole in my heart where other children were supposed to be. I’m in my early fifties and I still tear up when I think about it. If you want another child, do whatever it takes … even if it means considering a child that isn’t your biological child. I wish you the best in your quest. Hugs from Tampa!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Parri- I hope that many read this and heed your advice. Your “hole in my heart” comment really got me. My brother is adopted, and I can’t imagine my childhood/our life without him. Thank you so much for your support!

Katrina M. Hazlak 2 years ago

I should be having our second child next month, but we lost him/her in January.. I’m thankful for one, but get so sad when I think that’s all I’ll ever get..

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Katrina- I hope that you do what feels right for your family, whether that’s try again or keep your family at three. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Kathy Radigan 2 years ago

Wow this really brought me back to when I was thrilled with my son but so ready for a sibling to join him. I’m never good at waiting and the unknown is something that I just don’t like. I love this letter and am sending good thoughts and prayers that your little one will be joining your family sooner rather than later. xo

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thank you, Kathy. You bring up such a good point: a mother who wants a second child is not ungrateful for her first. She just loves her first very much and wants to have the experience all over again.

WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion 2 years ago

Even though the content makes me sad, I love how this is written. I hope your little one joins your family sooner rather than later; he/she will definitely be in good hands :) xo

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thanks for your kind words, WCME. And thank you for reading!

Andrea Koehnke 2 years ago

I could have written this. We have decided that one is enough for us though.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Andrea- I’m glad you could relate, and that you are happy with your family as it is!

Emily Moyer 2 years ago

My second is six months old, but it took well over a year and two harrowing miscarriages.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    I’m glad you’re in a better place, Emily, but I’m so sorry for your losses. A loss is a loss, no matter how many children you have.

Kimberly Lambert Graham 2 years ago

We stopped using protection when our son was 3 and it took 5 years for us to have another sweet baby boy! So thankful for my two blessings!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Kimberly- I’m sure that you’re especially grateful after that extra long wait!

Melissa McKenna 2 years ago

Yup…sums it all up :'( however I’m grateful for the little one I do have!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Melissa- of course you are grateful, but it’s okay to be sad, too. I’ve had non-parent friends say to me, “well, be happy that you have such a great kid.” Wanting a second takes nothing away from the first. That’s a common misunderstanding.

Traci Snyder 2 years ago

I had my first baby at 20 yrs old in 2002. Years and years passed and i truly thought id never again get to snuggle another tiny baby. My second baby girl was finally born last august!!! Ten years after her older sister. Id love another but idk about another ten yrs of trying lol

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Traci- your story will definitely bring comfort to some who have been trying for so long. It’s good to hear that anything is possible!

Erin Graefe Cooper 2 years ago

Don’t wait. Go see a RE to figure out what is going on & if medical intervention is needed. If you have been trying for 12 mo & no pregnancy you need to find out why. All 3 of mine are ivf babies born to an over 35 year old. Without my RE… I would have probably never had a child.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    That is such important advice, Erin. I think that many women don’t want to be a bother to their doctor. I finally switched doctors after mine was telling me to “just have fun.” Um, no. This is not fun.

Jennifer Gleason Dittmann 2 years ago

This could have been written me right now. We have 2 little girls and went through a bad miscarriage a little over a year ago and have had trouble ever since. This last year has been so trying lonely at times.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    My heart hurts for your loss, Jennifer. Child loss and infertility can be very isolating. I hope you’ve found some outlets for support. Keeping my fingers crossed for your #3.

Carolina 2 years ago

Beautifully written! Thanks for sharing :)

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thank you for taking the time to read, Carolina!

Mandi Loranger 2 years ago

This really hits home. Having a hard time with things right now. Always good to know when you’re not along.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    You are definitely not alone, Mandi. The Internet is actually very helpful when it comes to tough stuff like this; stuff that maybe many of your close friends or family cannot relate to. I’m glad that these words brought you some comfort.

Mandi 2 years ago

All of this. Just, yes. Patience is hard sometimes :( Not being jealous is also hard sometimes.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Mandi, thanks for reading. Not being jealous (or beating yourself up for being so) is extremely hard. We are human, after all.

Rebecca Harris Emmitte 2 years ago

3 years of trying, fertility medications, miscarriages, chemical pregnancies and surgeries we are finally pregnant. Countless hours sitting in dr offices looking at your feet trying to hold back tears and gasping at air. Bruised belly from self induced needle pricks, heavier frame from hormones combined with emotional roller coaster and binge eating in the wee hours of the night. Emotionally feeling cutoff from the women you love most because no one that hasn’t been trough can possibly understand. On the other side finally looking back everything was worth it to know at this moment I have Maggie in my body growing healthy and strong.

    Adrianne Ward Burney 2 years ago

    Sorry for what you’ve had to go through, but congratulations on the pregnancy! I wish you a happy & healthy remainder of your pregnancy & a healthy baby Maggie!

      Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

      Thanks for reading, and for your kind words, Adrianne!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Oh, Rebecca…your story is so bittersweet. I can’t believe all that we women (and men) go through, just to be parents. You are amazing. Rock on, Mama.

Naomi N Albert 2 years ago

Took 9 years of TTC with fertility treatments to have our first & another 3 years with fertility treatments to have our second.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Naomi- 9 years?! I can’t even imagine. You are the model for patience being a virtue!

Andrea Urlin 2 years ago

Holy crap…I don’t remember writing this!! Haha
It’s our current situation, we know we are beyond blessed with 1 amazing, healthy, ramie little man but we’d like a 2nd and currently meeting with a fertility specialist!
Good Luck to all those great parents out there:)

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Andrea- I feel you. It’s not that I’m ungrateful for the amazing son I have. I just want to do it all over again. Good luck to your family as well.

Marie Radtke Lewis 2 years ago

Love this!!!!!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thank you for reading, Marie!

Michelle Shipley Dumler 2 years ago

This is so me even right now! It took about 8 yrs for our son to be born, and he’s 2 1/2 now…he was a miracle, even though he came natural (after years of help that didn’t work), but we want one more…just one…we’ve been trying this time for about 2 yrs…I’m ready, and I know there’s a plan out there somewhere for us to complete our family…

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Michelle- you deserve your “just one more.” I hope that he or she comes into your life sooner rather than later.

Stephanie Baker 2 years ago

At 16 weeks pregnant with our miracle, via IUI, baby #2, this brought back every sad minute of waiting. But there is hope!! Never give up on your baby dreams ❤️

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thank you Stephanie. I’m so glad that medicine has come so far in helping families grow. It makes the miracle of children even more miraculous.

Marcy Johnson 2 years ago

This is where we are at right now. Our first son turned 2 yesterday. Waiting for sibling to show up.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    The waiting game is so very difficult, Marcy. And you’re already in parent-mode. It’s hard to escape with babies all around you.

Courtney Jones Cox 2 years ago

This was me…until today, when we found out we’re expecting #2. In talking to other moms, I found out we weren’t alone in our struggle.

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Congrats, Courtney! I’m so glad that your limbo of waiting has ended. Sending you positive pregnancy vibes. :)

Christina Stepnitz Crise 2 years ago

Wow this hit close to home! My first was finally born April 29th but for a long time, I felt like this mother. Three years of fertility treatments and one successful IVF later, I finally get to hold my own son. May the author’s journey end soon!

    Samantha Angoletta 2 years ago

    My second baby, my son, was also born on April 29th–He’s 14 months now and I can’t believe how fast time flies. I’m so happy everything worked out for you and your family!

      Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

      That’s great to hear, Samantha. Thanks for reading!

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Christina, your comment brings tears to my eyes: for your kind words for me, and for your own struggle. Thank you.

Elizabeth Dellevigne 2 years ago

secondary infertility is very common and almost never spoken of. don’t wait; see an RE! make sure to check for male IF in particular; it’s more common in secondary IF

    Social Butterfly Mom 2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing that info, Elizabeth. I really learned that I had to become my own advocate.


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