5 Ways to Gain Facebook Likes (And be a Total Dick)

157 Comments

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I used to write a series of social media and blogging tips until I realized how silly it was to write tips for a medium which is constantly changing. Google + hangout what? The minute you think you’re an expert in this field, something new comes along and suddenly you’re not nearly as swift as you thought you were.

So who am I to judge what’s right or wrong in social media anyway?

Well, I take it back; I’m judging. I’m judging the shady and ridiculous ways people are using to gain Facebook likes because it’s enough already. It’s frustrating to people who actually try and build community on their pages and it’s deceptive for people who use Facebook innocently for fun.

Plus, those pages that crop up and suddenly have 100K likes overnight? They’re getting sold for a hefty profit and guess what, you just made some sketchy creep rich off of your like. Congratulations!

Don’t want to do that? Then avoid falling for these practices…

1. The “I don’t want to seem like an asshole or curse my future children” like. Joey has pediatric cancer. Cancer is bad. Joey is cute. Like if you hate cancer. Like if you love an old person. Like for world peace! Like if puppies are adorable. Like if you support our troops. Like if you love gay people. Like if you are against child abuse. Like if you love your mother. Like, like, like!

Cancer Facebook Scam

Remember “Mallory,” that sweet little girl with Down Syndrome who didn’t think she was beautiful? Her brother posted the above picture along with a plea to like it, in order to prove to his sister just how beautiful the world thought she was. People clicked, more than 3.5 million times. You, go, Mallory!!

Except that it wasn’t his sister Mallory after all, it was actually Katie, the daughter of Terri Johnson and the last thing Terri feels is appreciation for your like. Want to help sick kids or make a difference in the world? You’ll have to do something more than click a button. Sorry.

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2. The “let’s let complete strangers make important life decisions for us” like. We’ll have another baby if we get 10,000 likes! He’ll propose for 100,00 likes! She’ll say yes if I get to 250K likes! Is Facebook going to be picking up your dog’s shit at 3AM because she ate a jar of Play-Doh or paying for your marriage counseling because, it turns out, you married the wrong person 100K likes later? No. I’m afraid not.

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3. The dead celebrity who’s not really dead phenomenonThis page told you to click if you were sad that Morgan Freeman died. Who wouldn’t be sad that Morgan Freeman died? Except that he isn’t dead, almost a million likes later. Whoops.

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4. The type to watch something happen, except nothing does like. You want to see Jesus appear on your screen? Or watch a jpeg come to life and illustrate a bear eating a man? Or receive a hidden message about the secret of life? I suggest you look somewhere other than Facebook.

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5. The “share for share” phenomenon, also known as S4S, where pages do nothing but pimp out other pages and beg for a pimp-back. What a lame ass way to interact.

How about we bring Facebook back to what it was once about — actually connecting with people? Can we at least try?

P.S. Those Ugg boots or Cheesecake Factory gift card you’re waiting for from sharing some link on Facebook? They’re never coming.

P.P.S. LIKE MY PAGE OR ROT IN HELL!!!

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 1

    Alison says

    I love you, Jill, you always tell it as it is!

    And I don’t think you were out of line with your response with the S4S comment – after all, you were not the one who called anyone a cunt. (just typing that C word made me shudder)

    I never understand how people who don’t seem to get any blog readers/ comments, have thousands of FB likes but no interaction on there. Do they er, buy fans?

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  2. 2

    Brittany says

    As you know, I can’t even see what you post and I subscribe to you and you can’t see me and you do and I actually really like you and all I see is crap for the most part. So, I am SO with you.

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  3. 7

    Janet Nuckolls says

    Well, color me happy. I just discovered Scary Mommy (you can thank How To Blog a Book site). My daughters talked me into creating a Facebook page, and while I’m glad I did because I’ve heard from family and old friends I’d lost touch with, I’m honest enough to admit I’m not exacting sure how it works. Why do those *like* Target, *like* world peace, thingys pop up? Do they really come from my friends? I just admitted I’d lost touch with some who’ve sent me those irritating requests…so maybe they’ve changed in ways I don’t understand (like they have time to waste) or is it happening by mistake? So many unanswered questions having to do with Facebook. I feel five again, sometimes; )

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    • 9

      Evalynn Rose says

      Re: annoying friend requests:

      The requests are not a mistake, and the most prompt ones tend to be from “frenemies,” (really, just plain enemies who write/say passive aggressive bitchy things to people when insecure or feeling particularly dominant that morning, but will probably smile at you in real life while asking way too personal questions, or ask you to do things for them that don’t make sense [“omg, buy me some farm animals puleeeaassee!!”]…see ppl who wrote on scary mommy’s facebook page above) or people you barely know who are addicted to gossip. Seriously, my unaccepted friends request thingy is a mile long… I consider it a list of ppl who don’t understand how boundaries work. It keeps me organized.

      Or, if ignoring ppl isn’t your thing, you can also deal with uncomfortable friends requests like this:
      http://evalynnrose.blogspot.com/2012/09/can-i-stalk-you-on-facebook.html

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  4. 10

    Mama Melch says

    I can’t believe someone had the audacity to use the C-word when describing you! Facebook has turned into a carnival ride and I’m getting over the spinning HS-esque naive gullible BS. Well said!

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  5. 16

    Jacki McHale says

    She totally deserved it. It it totally spammy to just ask like that. And as for calling you a cunt… she may need to look in the mirror.
    She deserved the “bitchiness” because she was dumb enough not to use her common sense on that one.

    Damn I love Scary Mommy this early in the morning.
    Have a great weekend!
    JCat McGack

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  6. 17

    Sara says

    There is a huge difference between bitchy and honest. People just see things the way they want to when things don’t go how their way. Keep on being your “bitchy” self, Jill!!! :)

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  7. 18

    Shannon says

    Well said. What the hell happened to FB? I liked your page because I think you’re funny as hell. I’m not looking to get anything out of it. Just sitting back and giggling when I realize, while reading your posts, that someone else “gets me”.

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