25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom



1. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.

2. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

3. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.

6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.

7.  Showering is a major accomplishment.

8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.

9. You actually know what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is spent making animal sounds. 

10. Your mood depends solely on the length of time your child napped for. 

11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.

12. On the way out the door, You look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad. Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.

13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home, just so you can be alone in your own bathroom.

14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.

15. You have invited Jehovahs Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after asking if they’d like a dirty martini.

16. You have to check the weather outside before you head out because you have no idea how cold or warm it is because you haven’t been out in days.

17. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends”.

18. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple days in a row…and you’re not sure exactly how many “a couple” means.

19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner… more than once.

20. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in [insert the busiest room in the house] and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.

21. You have no idea what the date or day of the week is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.

22. It’s only 9 am and you’ve thought “I need a drink”.

23. You’re nursing an infant on the toilet while simultaneously scheduling a doctors visit.

24. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30am, just reheated for the 100th time.

25. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just too beautiful, no matter how tired you are.


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 8

    Roe says

    Thank god I have a career! The six months I spent at home on maternity leave were enough to drive me to the nut-house. I just don’t know how anyone can stay home with kids, I commend those mothers! I love my kids, I love my job!

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    • 9

      tonyboloney says

      We all have a different calling. I had to work for 10 years with my two little ones. By the time my third one came a long I was able to quit and raise her. Anyway one slices it, we all do the best we can, and we all have a different calling. You can still spend quality time at home when you are off. They’ll remember those times and not the times when you had to be away. We are all like the pebble that was thrown into the middle of the pond, your life, your job affects people you are not even aware of in a positive way. “No man is an island.” Num. 6:24-26

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          • 12

            Brandy says

            Aw I wasn’t offended at all. I actually appreciate someone understands and respects how difficult being a stay at home mom can be. I’ve seen offensive comments, many offensive comments. Anyone who gets their panties in a bunch over this really needs to find something bigger to complain about. To take this wrong is to be trying really, really hard to find something to whine about. She’s not a politician she’s human and I get what she’s saying, and I’m a stay at home mom. Lighten up people, whew.

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    • 13

      It's Me says

      Anytime someone says this it comes across as smug. Whether it was meant as such it’s hard to say over the internet but I vote that it’s never written again! and that goes for the opposite of “thank god I could stay home, I don’t know how working mother do it but I commend them”.

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    • 14

      Rae says

      I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand what woman like you have children for. All of the work that goes into raising them, you pay others to do. Meanwhile, you schedule Mom time after work or on weekends. That would drive me crazy. Stop having children if you don’t want to care for them once that initial buzz of having a newborn has worn off.

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      • 17

        Allie says

        That’s a pretty rude thing to say. I have absolutely nothing against sahms but I do hate when they act like their way is the only right way to raise kids. And actually, by saying “all of the work that goes into raising them, you pay others to do,” you’re implying that working moms aren’t raising their kids at all, which is just not true. Personally, I would be a terrible sahm because I need a lot of mental stimulation, conversations with intelligent adults, challenges in my professional life, etc. Without that I would become bored, lazy, and resentful of my husband, and that would be much worse for my kids than spending some time with a babysitter. Who are you to say that Roe or I, or any working women, shouldn’t have children? It’s just as offensive and uncalled for as if I were to tell you to stop having children so that you can work and be a productive member of society. You’ll get a lot more respect as a sahm if you drop the holier-than-thou attitude and acknowledge that while staying home may be what’s best for you and your family, it isn’t the one ideal method of raising kids.

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        • 19

          Brunette says

          Producing children IS being a “productive member of society”. Society is comprised of, wait for it… people! And people start out as *gasp* babies!

          You’re welcome.

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        • 20

          SallySue says

          While I don’t agree with how it was said I do have to agree with Rae. First of all, I believe all mother’s should have choices to have better family/life work balance. Working mothers shouldn’t have to work all the time and SAHM should have to “work” caring for their children 24/7, which has become the norm for myself(SAHM with 2 young children. From the comments you said, it seems like you work because you don’t want to be with your children. I don’t feel like that is respectful or appropriate for you children. To say things like I work because I’d be bored, resentful of my husband if I stay home seems very selfish to me. I do believe parents should be able to spend more time with their children. I have a sister who does the very same thing. She has only 1 child and whenever she has non work time, she is constantly finding a way to “get rid of her child” and find someone else to watch him or entertain him. She also have a lot of non work time because she only works 30 hours per week, husband is an attorney so they definitely don’t need her income!! I think many mother’s work out of necessity, but mother’s who choose to work simply because they can’t stand their children are the mother’s who probably shouldn’t have been mothers in the first place. Being a mother is about sacrifiece. I don’t get adult conversation everyday and I survive!

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      • 21

        Kel says

        Wow, that is an awful thing to say. Some of us didn’t have much of a choice but to put our kids in daycare. I have been a single mom since my child was a baby so I never had the opportunity to stay home… does that mean I should never have had her? Just terrible. She may have been in daycare, but I know for a fact that I have raised her. And very well, I might add. She is a happy, loving, well-rounded 7 year old now. It wasn’t an ideal situation but I made the best of it and it worked out just fine. And by the way, I never, EVER schedule “mom-time” after work or on the weekends. My life revolves around my child, and every day when I get off work I can’t wait to go pick her up and see how her day was. You have a pretty warped view of what a working mom does.

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        • 22

          SallySue says

          I commend you for being a single working mother. And I commented because I want other working mom’s to understand that if you are a working mom you should commit your non working hours to your family and you children. Unfortunately, not a lot of parents do that. They find relatives to watch their children for entire weekends while they go off and live their adult childfree life. I think when SAHM say.. someone else is raising your children that’s exactly what they mean. But the working mom who says things like “I would make a terrible SAHM, being bored, resentful, lack of adult conversation and my kids would drive me nuts” they number 1 disrespect my role as a SAHM and also disrespect their own families. Being a parent is a sacrifiece and it isn’t all rainbows and sunshines. It’s HARD work and should be respected as such. SAHM do suffer from more depression which isn’t hard to believe considering it’s unpaid, undervalued 24/7 work.

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        • 23

          Jschultz says

          I can not believe some of the things you women are saying! First of all, every families circumstances are different! Some women have NO CHOICE but to put their child/children in daycare and go to work. I am one of those mothers. I have been a single mom since my daughter was born. Would you rather I not work and not be able to put a roof over & provide for my child?? My daughters father is not present in her life & I do NOT receive child support. I am the sole provider for my daughter & just because I have to work does not mean I love my child any less than a SAHM loves theirs. And I was a stay at home mom until my daughter was 5 months old. And I wont lie, it was hard! I absolutely loved spending every moment 24/7 with my baby girl. But just like any other mother I got overwhelmed at times, felt lonely, and needed to be around other adults. That in no way makes me a bad mother or a mother that doesn’t love her child!! As a mother it is extremely important to take care of ourselves as well as our children. How can you be the best mom you can be if you feel lonely all the time, or you don’t have a chance to do anything for yourself. Whether it be going to the gym, getting your hair done, going out for dinner with your friends, or going to work… It should not matter to anyone but myself & my daughter what I do with my life. I like going to work. It makes me feel good knowing that I am providing for my child because I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING and I want to take the very best care of her. It also makes me feel really good about myself that I am playing an active part in society. And also socializing with other adults helps me keep my sanity. If I am happy, then my daughter senses that and it makes her happy.. I see it.

          Would you women also tell me not to go back to school to further my education so I can get a better job so I can save money and get a place for just my daughter & I???? (we live with my mom and my brother in a 2 bedroom apartment)

          So please keep your opinions to yourself. What I do with my life does NOT affect yours. Why don’t you go pay attention to your children rather than sit here and bash other mothers for doing what they HAVE to do.

          And for the woman who said “All of the work you put into raising them, your paying other to do it” Screw you!!!! .. My daughter goes to daycare Mon-Friday while I go to work. Yes during those days her teachers at school are HELPING to raise her. They are wonderful women and I trust them 100%.. but when I pick her up and take her home it is ME that is RAISING her! And on the weekends when it’s just her and I at home, I AM RAISING HER. And just so you know, my daughter will be 2 next month and she is incredibly smart. She has been speaking in full sentences since she is 16 months, she can count to 15 & she knows her ABC’s. And I know for a fact that going to school contributed to all of that. She loves going to school to learn & play with her little friends. Socialization is so important for future schooling.

          OK I am done now. I KNOW that I am an amazing mother. I KNOW that my daughter is happy & well cared for. I KNOW that this is what I have to do. And I KNOW that my daughter sees & feels how much I love & adore her…. and that is all that matters.

          I hope you ladies get a reality check and stop bashing other mothers. We are supposed to support and empower each other, not criticize, judge or hurt each other.

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          • 24

            Jschultz says

            Sorry I have to say one more thing…

            I do agree with SallySue saying that working mothers should devote their non-working time to their families & children.. to an extent. I for one, cannot stand when a mother pawns her kids off to relatives to go out all the time, or to go out and party. I do not condone that what so ever.

            However, I can tell you that once or twice a month my mom does babysit so I can go out for an hour or two AFTER I put my daughter to bed. Whether it be to go to a zumba class, for coffee with a friend or dinner with my girlfriends. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with that. As long as it isn’t every night or every weekend, why shouldn’t we get a little bit of time for ourselves? I know for me it is very important. I don’t have many friends and I feel very alone often. I don’t have a significant other either. Sometimes I just need to get out for an hour or 2. Being a single mom can be so mentally & emotionally challenging. I know it first hand. Sometimes I am just so sad and so lonely. And if going out for a cup of coffee with a friend helps me feel better and puts a smile on my face then I damn sure am going to do that once in a while.

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      • 25

        hshdhdidk says

        Ummm your just a bitch for saying that! How dare you say that working moms pay someone else to raise there kids!! Some of us working moms dont have a choice. You need to pull your head out of your ass and think about what you saod and how many women you offended by saying what you did! I spend every waking moment with my son when im not at work.

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      • 26

        ijustgottasay says

        Wow. First of all I have been a working mom and a SAHM. It is a tough job either way. With both cases, the mom never stops working. We never have “off days”. If you are a working mom, you go to your job outside the home and then you get your kids and don’t stop working until they are in bed. Even after they go to bed, you still feel obligated to pick up the house. On your “off days” you spend the whole day taking care of kids and using those “off days” to catch up on house work. Same goes for SAHM. You are “on the clock” from the time you get up to when you go to bed.

        You ask “why” we have children. We have children for the same reason YOU have children. We want to be mothers. We want to have a family. Not all of us are able to quit our jobs to be at home. Not all of us are able to live off just our husband’s salary. With the economy the way it is, it usually takes two to make it. Then you have those single moms who have no choice but to work. There are single moms who work 2 or 3 jobs to take care of their kids.

        In all honesty, I have no idea why I am responding to your ignorant post. I shouldn’t feed the trolls, troll! Go back under your bridge!

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  2. 31

    Reader says

    I don’t think a child should be home with mom all day. I have many small ones, and I’d love to have them all in daycare for their stimulation, friends, structure, learning, hot balanced meals and FUN. If daycare didn’t cost as much as college, we’d be there in a second! Moms at home are trying to clean, cook, do laundry, maintain patience, etc. Not the best environment for a kid.

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    • 33

      Shana says

      Except that all the research shows the exact opposite of what you said to be true. Children thrive when they are home with their moms, compared to being in day care. I’m sure there are good day cares but they are not a replacement for what a child learns at home.

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      • 36

        Janelle says

        My daughter thrived in daycare. Before she started attending I couldn’t even leave her with her father for a trip to the corner store … She made lots of friends & is happy and socialized. And I honestly think I’M a better, HAPPIER mom because of it.

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      • 37

        Jschultz says

        MY DAUGHTER IS THRIVING AND SHE GOES TO DAYCARE! How dare you say that! Implying that my daughter isn’t thriving because she goes to daycare! She learns so much from being at school and so much from her time at home with me as well. She has been speaking in full sentences since 16 months, can count to 15 and knows her ABC’s, among lots of other things. And she isn’t even 2 yet. Ugh I am so disgusted with the things you women have to say. You have no idea what you are talking about.

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    • 38

      TwinMommy says

      LOL! We’ll have to agree to disagree here. As a stay at home mom I am not focused on cleaning, laundry and maintaining patience. Laundry is done when my kids are in bed; I can clean when they nap. Rather, my day is spent focused on my children, their stimulation, their learning, structure, hot balanced organic meals, and FUN… a lot of fun! I get that some people have to or choose to put their kids in daycare, and that is totally fine! Whatever works for your family! But I just don’t see how you could say that being in a loving home with a parent is worse than being in a daycare with two teachers trying to control 25 other kids. Both my children and I are so blessed that we can spend these precious years learning and playing and loving together! <3

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      • 40

        Reader says

        I disagree. The kids would fight all day and be bored at home. I was stressed. It was not good at ALL; our interactions. I work ALL day with cleaning,cooking, and laundry and house management and the house would still not even be really great. 6 little kids under age 8. Daycare was a lifesaver. The kids are much happier there. My oldest gets really mad if I pick her up early. They have FUN there. And I don’t feel guilty I am ignoring the kids while I do the work in the house. Maybe 2 or 3 kids is different. It is great you play together. I don’t even get a shower more than every 2 to 3 days. :)

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      • 43

        Holly Abraham says

        twinmommy… I couldn’t agree more! I’m also a stay at home mommy. I have 5 children. My house is clean, but I wouldn’t suggest eating off the floors, I may have a basket or two of laundry sitting around waiting to be put away, there’s usually a few dishes in the sink waiting to be washed… But all those things come second to playing, singing, dancing, reading, cuddling, napping, teaching, bathing and just plain spending good quality time with my children. I had to work with my first 3 children and fortunately, I’ve been able to be a stay at home mom with my last two babies. I will be the first person to say it is definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had, but it’s also the most rewarding job as well.

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      • 44

        Maha says

        Well, I feel better knowing even the SAHMs don’t have perfect houses. Nothing like coming home to start the work at 6pm that others have had the luxury of a head start on… vacuum cleaner one was funny – mine stays plugged in because I keep telling myself that one of these days I’ll have time to do it before midnight, LOL. And the one about scheduling a doctor’s visit – hilarious! If my doctor sees my within 5 years she’ll be shocked!

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      • 45

        Olive says

        I appreicate you saying this because I find myself cleaning all day long and I do need to cut it out.. i feel like Im not getting to really reap the benifits of staying at home with them (part time) as Im putting dishes away or cleaning the floors.

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        • 46

          katie says

          I completely understand how you feel, I’m the same way, except not entirely by choice, if the house isn’t almost perfectly clean I have to deal with my husband’s attitude. And now I feel terrible for my daughter and that I don’t spend as much time playing with her (at home) as I would like. I hope when she grows up she doesn’t wish she was in daycare as a child, that would break my heart! I do take her to the park most nice days though and the library and she finished swim lessons a couple weeks ago. I also always read to her and sing to her when she goes to bed too. I think it’s good I read this, I will try to do better for her.

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        • 47

          Karen says

          One of the chapter titles of the book “The Feminine Mystique” is “Housework Expands to Fill the Time Available” and she goes on to explain that women fill their time with housework, and housework soon becomes all they do, and yet that women who work are equally capable of keeping their houses clean in only a few hours a week. So it’s basically the time you have to give to it. Stop letting it take all your time. I am a sahm to two grade schoolers, and this year I am going to start working part time, and let me tell you, I only do housework about an hour a day. And yet my house is clean.

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    • 49

      Reader says

      With all respect for your comments, I did stay at home for my little ones for a bit. Our interactions were so terrible. I was too stressed, trying to keep the house in order (some basic things; it didn’t have to be perfect). The kids were always bored. We had baby to age 5 so going anywhere was hard and the older ones wanted to do stuff that I couldn’t easily do with a baby. So I compromised financially. I did part-time day care. It was the best decision ever. My older kids LOVED it. They could even go on field trips in summer that I couldn’t easily do with them. And even the 15 month old liked it; he got good interactions from the teachers and other little ones. I was way less stressed and I knew the kids were being cared for and entertained/stimulated while I managed the house. Any woman who tries to do it all…bless her. I am grateful for daycare, even as a SAHM.

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      • 50

        brandi says

        I think this is where you have to understand that is what is best for your family… but you can’t just post a statement saying kids shouldn’t be with their mothers. As a stay at home Momma.. I have built a bond with my two boys and help them grow together. I know I couldn’t handle any more kids right now by myself, so we have stopped for the moment. This is MY choice. I don’t spend my day cleaning and cooking I get my oldest to help so he’s learning something I love to do and interacting. He knows a lot more than most children his age. When daddy gets home is when I get cleaning done, not during my precious moments with my boys. They’re not little for long, cleaning can wait.

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      • 51

        Grits says

        We all feel stressed under different circumstances. We all cope with stress in different ways. Six months ago, I was the yelling-through-the-house-spanking-sending-to-nap-early-Mommy. Now, I don’t do any of those things. I have learned that I stress over petty things. So, I’ve also learned to mentally take a step back. Ask myself a few questions: How important is this, really? What is the best way to respond to this situation? In light of my child’s age, what is the most I can expect from him? Looking at things, I realized I was putting unrealistic expectations on myself, and my children. When I let go of some things that didn’t matter, my children relaxed as I relaxed. My husband has relaxed. Our house has grown happier. Even the dog is happier! It is true that we mothers set the tone for the rest of the family. So, if you really needed a break and you got one: more power to ya’! For me, I just had to reexamine my priorities, and teach myself a few tricks for dealing w/ stress. (who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks???)

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        • 52

          smiley says

          I’ve struggled with the exact same situation and being able to really evaluate your actions and the motivations behind them makes such a difference. I’m working on being a more rational and calm mom, thanks for your post

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      • 53

        Olive says

        I agree. My girls loves the stuff and the friends they have at day care. Its a new environemtn for them, different foods, different book and toys, different play ground stuff.

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    • 54

      Reader says

      Yes. The kids were totally ignored. I spent no time with them. They’d fight and be bored. I felt bad for them, so I chose daycare so they could have structure, friends, and age-appropriate stimulation. Having 6 under age 8 meant nobody’s needs were really met. But the daycare was grouped by age. And here is the thing:my kids loved it. They begged to go each day. They have fun! Do you know how much laundry we have? I am talking basic things like pants not soaked in pee, or sheets that don’t smell, or a living room you can walk through and not trip on. We even have a cleaning lady and it’s still about 5 hours a day minimum I spend on the house. And it still looks messy each day! Being home was not fun for my kids and made me too guilty, since they were “there” but I was so busy. Daycare is the perfect solution. It was mental torture (as Lisa called it) for all of us to be home all day.

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      • 55

        M says

        That’s crazy! My grandmother had 15 and they all (with the exception of the youngest lol) grew up to be responsible, loving adults! You need to prioritize, get of things and downsize to something more manageable. Five hours a day spent on the house? You said it, they were there but you were “too busy”. Forget the cleaning, no one cares about it, and they people that would snub at your messy house are not welcomed!

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        • 56

          Reader says

          I know, I know. But when my husband has NO clean underwear and is working so hard getting up at 5am, I need to get the laundry done! And when I am getting injured from walking into toys and stuff, or the floor is so dirty a baby would choke from its old food contents. I cannot describe how messy it is having all the little ones home all day DESPITE constant cleaning. A clean house is peace of mind; I am so less stressed. And I don’t mean “clean.” Just safe so we’re not getting injured, wearing clothes that smell or are stained, and don’t have bed sheets soaked in pee. Basic, basic stuff. With 3 kids it was EASY. 15 kids…that’s awesome. I don’t know how though! When the house is a total filthy zoo, the kids and husband don’t like that; it’s stressful and gross. Nobody else cares for sure!

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          • 58

            mom-o-8 says

            I have 8 kids age 10 and under and would never think about putting them in daycare. The conversations that arise when we are doing things during the day are priceless and would never happen if there weren’t prolonged moments together. These are precious years to encourage, love, build up confidence and just enjoy the sweetness. It sounds like maybe you should have slowed down the number of kids you were having if it was such a stress. Having a large family is definitely work and not for everyone, but I have found it immensely fulfilling and can’t imagine farming my kids out sooner then we have to (we do public school). Save the daycare money and pay for a housekeeper and enjoy your sweet ones.-PS, this is not judging people who put their children in daycare. Some women really enjoy an outside career and the balance it gives them. Each person needs to do what is best for their emotional state and family. And having time to yourself is not bad, even as a stay at home mom. Just wanted to let people know that you can have a large brood and enjoy it and not be consumed with the housework. Children love to “help” and soon become old enough for that “helping” to actually make a difference, if they are taught at a young age. My 7 year old twin boys fight over who gets to Lysol down the toilet!

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          • 59

            Amy says

            While I’m sure you don’t MEAN to come off as condescending, that is kind of how I’m taking your post. You obviously wanted MANY children, and that’s great, as apparently you can afford them if you can afford daycare for all of them, AND a cleaning lady. Most of us stop having children after having only a couple. I knew my limits as to what I could handle, and that is a BIG reason we stopped with 2. My kids have been home with me since day one. They are both happy, bright, sweet and considerate children, who know that mom will always be there. Of COURSE they bicker…show my a scenario where more than one child playing together DOESN’T! They also love each other very much, and the first to defend their sibling when shit hits the fan! I’m not cooking and cleaning all day…I do what I can when I can. Our house is always kept up, and we also have 3 dogs and 2 cats. I feel VERY fortunate to be home for them, and would never consider daycare for them unless I worked…despite having MANY physical health challenges. My babies are MY responsibility, and I love that I am able to do this for this short period of their life.

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          • 60

            lovingmommy says

            There is no excuse for it to be so messy that there are old food pieced on the floor. It takes a few seconds to whip a vacuum out and clean it up!

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        • 61

          S says

          If you have the money for daycare why don’t you use that money for a housekeeper or someone to aid in meal prep or a mothers helper? Sounds like you need help with thr house!

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      • 62

        SallySue says

        Not to sound rude, but obviously you must have a lot of money with six children, able to send them all to daycare while you stay home and with hire a house keeper on top of that. Now that is what I call a life of luxury, but my family doesn’t have that option. With only 2 kids we can barely afford to pay for preschool for my 4 year old!! I am a poor SAHM and there is definetely nothing luxusious about my life. Being a SAHM and sending kids to daycare just baffles me and I think it’s very silly. You can say that it’s good for your child but what I really think you mean is that it’s good for you!

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      • 64

        Maha says

        Amen, sister! My kids used to love coming home to “teach” me and hubby things they assumed we never knew, and we got to go “Oooooh” and they felt so special. Totally precious! And to this day, my daughter and I have a habit of sitting by the bed and discussing all the ins and outs of life. Amazingly, my kids are also closely bonded to their grandparents despite not being with them every waking moment of the day either!

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      • 66

        Done it both ways says

        You all need to stop it! I scanned this article for a quick laugh, as a mom that is now a sahm, but was a working mom with my first child. Both of my kids are doing great in school, sports, socially, etc. The one constant in both of their preschool lives was the constant, unconditional love of my husband and I. Each mother has tough choices she has to make each day, and I bet we all want our kids to be the best they can be under the best circumstances we can give them. I read the article for a chuckle, but scanning the comments broke my heart. Not a single one of you has the credentials, power or authority to declare “the best way to raise a child.” But what you all do have the power and authority to do is be kind to one another, especially your fellow female. Prove your happiness with your chosen lifestyle by exuding kindness through the actions and words you use. You don’t have to prove yourself or justify your choices to the other readers of this casual article. Get off the computer, and show your kids how to be nice. If you reply to this comment, I won’t see it. I’m getting off the computer to go hang with my kids.

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    • 67

      Kylene says

      I completely disagree with this, when your child is home with the mother then they can learn so much more. You can have one on one time with each child unlike in daycare when there are lots of kids. I homeschool my kids and they are above the average, they take tests each year to make sure they are not falling behind and they are above there grade level. So, being home has been wonderful for them. I may not get to put myself first but I do get to put my kids first. I don’t care if I have old coffee as long as my kids are learning what they need to.

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    • 69

      stacia says

      I worked as a Pre-K teacher and the kids that were “raised” in daycare are the ones that have social deficits and here is why. In the infant room the ratio is 1:3 the babies who cry and scream are those ones who are held. In the toddler room the ratio is 1:5 the ones who are jumping off the table are the ones that get the attention because we need to keep the room safe, at this point kids start to form the conclusion, if I misbehave I get attention, if I am good then I get pushed to the side. Now they get to the terrible two room ratio 1:8 that is 8 two year olds for one teacher and sometimes 16 kds with an assistant who does not need expereince or education in childhood development. 16 two year olds and one capable teacher = chaos Kids hit eachother,bite, etc so at this age they learn hurt or get hurt. At 3 the ratio goes to 1:10 that is up to 20 with an assistant! Again, I often received some teenage girl who I had to give projects to just to get her out of my hair, go cut out these squares while I actually take care of these 20 children by myself. Things happen in daycare, I was blessed to never have anything happen on my watch but we had a child allergic to peanuts given peanut butter by a new assistant that was subbing in another classroom, we have straight up “lost” children for 20 minutes, the teachers shuffle around all day so that staff can be cut, so there is no consistency, and in the school age room k-age 13 ratio 1:20 a 13 year old was taking the younger kids into the bathroom and kissing them. That all happened in one year working at a big corporate daycare, probably the biggest one out there. So I moved to a different private school, did not make a difference things were still pretty chaotic. My son even had his head bashed in by another kid with one of those 2 by 4 wooden blocks and had to be taken to emergency!

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    • 71

      tiana says

      It would only be not the best environment if the mother who kept the kids all day kept her house nasty. I am a mother of three and my kids have never been in daycare. I cook I clean I do laundry I do everything around the house but guess what my kids are safe my kids are with me and I’m raising my kids not trusting someone who could molest them. Or beat them. My kids have fun my kids are happy and wet have a thing called play dates with other mommy’s and kids so they get the interaction they need but also the mommy time they need too

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  3. 72

    cheesehead4ever says

    After spending almost twelve years at home, I would agree with most of them except the bra one. I never go without a bra.

    But even though those years set us back financially, I would make the exact same decision to stay home again.

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  4. 76

    kmz says

    During the years before preschool, I completely believe that if the mother can stay at home with her children they should. It builds a bond between the mother and the children that is needed in this world. Every human will have plenty of time to bond and socialize with the rest of the world. Visits with family and friends, and of course lil adventures daily, tons of playtime is plenty of socialization for a young mind. Staying at home is not easy, and can leave a woman weary by the time, the hubby walks in the door, but when I see my child do the littlest things that I taught him, then I know it is all worth it. For those who can not stay at home, or choose to work, I would hope that anyone would applaud you for knowing what is best for your family and yourself. :) Not a single one of us is “doing it Right” anyway. :) We all can only try our best! This comment was strictly for the person who said that “kids need socialization and not to be with their mothers all day long, because they are cooking and cleaning…” Children are always watching, and can learn so much from this environment. My children do small chores around the house, like clean up toys, feed the dog with help, and other tiny things, but all of this is teaching them responsibility at their level. It lets them see what needs to be done to survive a day, and is exactly what education they will need most in life. They will only be so little for so long, and a mother can only hold their little hands for so long, so why not try (if you can) embrace for as long as you can?

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    • 79

      Kate says

      I’ve been staying home with my three boys for eight years and I have to agree with you – the only item on this list I really can relate to is #25 :)

      I like to eat too much to be satisfied with my kids’ leftovers, my day always starts with hot coffee while I read the news, and we have a super active, tight-knit social group (full of other children!) that takes us out of the house many times each week for park trips, museum visits, arts and crafts, berry picking, etc, etc!

      If I was trapped in the house every day, unable to shower, eating leftover grilled cheese, with no other adult interaction – I would be miserable! LOL

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  5. 81

    Katreena Mabe says

    Thank god I’m not the only one! I love my dd with every fiber of my being, but I’ve discovered that I also love adult conversation. Or any conversation that doesn’t involve my dd’s imaginary friends!

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  6. 82

    Your mom says

    And the number one way you can tell: a SAHM will take every opportunity to remind you how much “harder” she works than everyone else in the workforce.

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    • 84

      LAndrews86 says

      Maybe because people in the workforce like you treat SAHM’s like all we do is sit on our butts all day. I know what it’s like to work full time, 40+ hours a week. Do you know what it’s like being alone with toddlers for 12hours a day? It’s quite different compared to sitting behind a computer for 8hrs a day.

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    • 85

      devrie says

      It’s not harder, but it’s just AS exhausting–on a mental or emotional level or something. I think we feel like we need some validation. :) I’ve been the working married mom, the single working mom, and now the married SAHM–they all have their challenges, but I find more people feel like you “do something” when you’re working. People understood why I was tired at the end of the day, but now they don’t understand why I don’t get a night job or something–after all, I don’t “work” during the day, so I couldn’t possibly be ready for a break, right? :) I think I actually “worked” harder when I worked outside the home; however, I can definitely say I feel more exhausted all the time as a SAHM. I don’t consider the work I do as “work,” because it feels like I’m supposed to be doing it anyway–but when I was working, someone else was doing that stuff that I’m doing now. When I worked outside the home, I pined for the ability to stay home. Now I kind of wish I was working sometimes. :) All moms work hard (well, most, anyway!!). Props go out to the working moms–ya’ll are juggling in different ways and it’s awesome that you do that. Just don’t forget to recognize those of us who stay at home as working too–that way we won’t feel compelled to prove to you that we’re working hard too!!

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  7. 88

    shabbygirl says

    This article made me laugh so many things are true..As I am a stay at home mom, As a stay at home mom my choice, My mornings and afternoons and evenings are shared with my daughter, we go to the park, library, the zoo, shopping, the bank, walking and hiking, play dates, we have lunch together some days are not so easy as she might have a cold or be under the weather but I am there to hold her comfort her and make her feel a bit okay, I only have 2 more years to fully enjoy her on one on one time, Soon she will walk into kindergarten and i will wave bye and smile and cry and know that my time with her now will be shared with lots of friends, teachers. sports and many new activities but that’s okay because she was my one and only for 5 years and now its time for me to go to work .

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    • 89

      Kate says

      Isn’t it weird when that era comes to a close! My youngest is almost 5 and he will be going off to full day school in only one more year! I have always planned on returning to work full-time once all my kids were in all day school and I can’t believe that time is just around the corner!

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  8. 91

    Name says

    I am a mom of three girls and I have worked and stayed home over the years!! It is much harder to balance work and children! Staying home was great! Playing and caring for my girls each day! I am not sure why stay at home moms complain so much! I love for my girls to see that I can have a career and be a mom! They can do it all! Children THRIVE when they have good caring parents!! It does not matter if you stay at home or work we are all moms who love our children!!!

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    • 92

      M says

      Excuse me, I am a stay at home mom and don’t go around complaining. It is NOT harder to balance work and children, as I did it for 9 months after my first was born. It was sad for me. As a teacher I spent most of my days with other people’s children, while away from mine an average of 10 hrs a day. Being at home is harder than working away from home, but so much more rewarding. You say you love for your girls to see they can have a career and be a mom? Good for you. I am not saying anything against it. However, I LOVE for my children to see their mom is there every step of the way because as a teacher I SAW the devastation that can occur when mom is too busy “balancing” a career and a household. Can you be a wonderful mother and do both? Yes, I believe you can, but my mother was a SAHM for over 10 years, went to work because she had to, and I would come home alone everyday for several hours, even with after school programs and it was not a happy time. I missed having my mom there and honestly her being home with me is what cemented my roots and helped me make good decisions.
      While my friends were taking advantage that no one was home and doing all sorts of things, I did not want to disappoint my mother and stayed on the straight path.

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      • 93

        KK says

        I too was a teacher for 10 years while my older two were younger (now 11 and 12) and now I am at home with my 2 year old, and being at home is a bazillion times easier. Being a teacher meant I was busy (and out of the house) from 6:15 am until 4:30 pm and then had work to do AT home as well as housework, kid activities, and trying to spend time with my husband and kids. Sure, we have some hectic days – but overall, it is so much easier – every one is more relaxed and happy. I would never consider taking my child to a playground then to the grocery store as mentally or physically taxing as working all day and then coming home to take my child to a playground or grocery shop. It really annoys me too when I hear SAHMs complaining about how difficult things are – I’ve done both and this gig is definitely feels like the life of ease compared to the alternative. BUT – I only have one toddler at home, I LOVE getting my older two up and driving them to school- making their lunches – doing their laundry and putting it away nice and neat unlike what they would do – because I didn’t have the opportunity to do that until now (I was a young divorced single parent when they were younger) – and maybe because I didn’t have the luxury of having a choice before, getting the opportunity now is something that I appreciate too much to complain about it!

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      • 94

        stacia says

        I think what you are trying to say is that work and balancing kids IS harder. You say it is not but then you say all the reason it is? Staying home is easier then trying to balance both for sure and staying home is much more rewarding.

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  9. 95

    Tracy says

    I have been a stay at home mom since the day we had our 1st ( almost nine years ago) I chose not to return to work because I didn’t want to miss anything!!! I had our second baby while my husband was over seas.( he missed it by a week) not only was I a stay at home mom , but also a military wife taking on both rolls as a parent for 8 months at a time! If I wasn’t there who would they have had? I love being home with them! As much as I enjoy alone time, seeing and hearing about their accomplishments is the best part of my day! I wouldn’t change my decision even on the worst day to watch my babies grow!!! And yes every single one of the things on the list are spot on!!!!

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  10. 96

    Nena La Gemela says

    Reading this article made me Laugh as I am a stay at home mom by choice so many things are true.

    My days as a sahm cooking , house chores, the park, library, play dates, shopping, bank, hikes, my daughter goes everywhere with me she is glued to my hip : ) but one day that will all change in 2 years she will go to big school
    ( Kindergarten ) and my daughters time now will be shared with teachers, friends, sports, I will look back and wonder wow time sure went bye fast , Hope my daughter remembers our times together hope she remembers i was her first teacher, best friend, nurse, coach, super hero, chef, house keeper, driver, Will she know she was my world my everything. So when she walks into her classroom in 2 years I will wave bye i will smile and cry and know my SAHM job is done and now i have 7 hours of Me time

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    • 97

      happy mommy says

      Yes! My son is 6 now, in school all day, and I look back on his baby years as a SAHM with such pride and no regrets. Your days sound a lot like mine were, and I know in my heart it was the best thing for my son, and it was the best thing for me! I did not miss a moment. The years that they want to be with us are so short. In a couple of years my son won’t want to hold my hand in public, but I was there with him, holding his hand, for all the years that he has seen me as the most important person in his life. I would never trade that for anything.

      BTW, if you stay home when she is at school, your me time will consist of powering through all the errands, chores, dinner prep, exercise, etc., so that when she gets off school you have time to go to the park or have a play date, do homework, and get some snuggles in before dinner. :)

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  11. 98

    MLP says

    These are awful! They make it sound like being a SAHM is a horrible thing. It doesn’t have to be like this at all. I worked and owned my own business before we relocated due to my husbands job. I have been a SAHM since then. I have to say I love being here for my kids. To those of you who say put them in daycare so they won’t be bored… why not give them something productive to do? I home-school my kids and there is never an “I’m bored” moment. Because during the week they are busy doing school work or playing outside. Yes, remember that! We played outside as kids, its good for them! It gives you time to do what needs to get done and they are being active. On weekends there are trips to the zoo, museums, parks, lakes, ect. Things that I could never do while I was working because I was to busy catching up on the weekends. If its bad weather out why not let them play an educational board game? You don’t have to sit them in front of the tv all day. My kids enjoy helping me with cooking and cleaning. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t matter if you work or if you are a SAHM. You should love your kids, these make it sound like they are a burden. And I’ll state one more time, if these pertain to you, it doesn’t have to be that way!

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    • 99

      Reader says

      They asked to watch TV ALL DAY LONG. Of course I said no, but that’s ALL they wanted to do. I got out the educational bored games, I offered to read to them, I took them outside, we even went to the park. They were bored. So I gave up and put them in camps all summer and aftercare during the school year. They truly love these programs and are upset if there is a day they can’t go. The programs keep them busy and active and their friends are there, too. No way would I allow them to be couch potatoes and watch TV. And no way was I going to listen to them whine about TV all day either. I think having 6 little ones too made it chaotic. I appreciate the help from these programs and the kids are not watching TV. So I am happy; they are happy. I know many kids on our block are at home (at least all summer) and they simply play video games, which isn’t what I wanted for us.

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    • 100

      devrie says

      They’re not a burden, but it can be exhausting, especially for those of us who aren’t good at perfectly structured days! I always lament that I don’t have a schedule like some moms. Somehow, we end up outside playing games, or I end up with a toddler on my lap doing ABCmouse.com games, or we end up spinning around in the kitchen making up happier versions of “Ring Around the Rosie,” (because isn’t it about people dying from plague?…so we do Ring Around the Balloon, pocket full of looney tunes…). They spill stuff, (and when you live in a small house where everything is in the living room, it can get messy and dizzy quickly), the boys argue over a Lego piece, a million fake boo boos need to be kissed while attempting to wash the same pot… It’s beautiful and messy. It’s chaotic and artful…it’s squished grapes on the play table and all amazing. But it’s tiring. A mom can start losing a sense of her own curiosity and wonder–her own privacy and control over her own being, and deep inside she may feel the need to explore if for nothing else but for her posterity. A lamentation or a cry for validation doesn’t mean it’s horrible. Just because we’re moms doesn’t mean mother’s work isn’t sometimes a little exhausting.

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  12. 102

    tonyboloney says

    I have been fortunate. I supposed because I grew up in a huge family and there were always babies around me. Though abandoned by my ex husband with a 3yr. old and an 18 month old out of my home state and away from all I’d ever known, I learned to survive. Returned home, became a certified N.A. and by God’s grace worked in acute hospitals. My work was mainly with Pediatrics or O.B. or the nursery. Because of my past experiences caring for my kids just blended in. They were always a joy. At forty my second husband and I were surprise with a blessed but un-expect arrival! We’d tried on our own for 20 years to have a baby together. When we accepted no more babies, here she comes! She was a wonderful baby. I’d have to wake her for her feedings. She remained constant. Happy and always smiling. I always stayed a step of her and kept her occupied. The was about 34 years ago. She’s still a great joy and has blest us with a grand little girl. She is the one who put up this post, and I am puzzled and amused because she was an almost perfect baby as far as behavior went.
    God bless you Mom’s, Num. 6:24-26

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    • 103

      stacia says

      One thing that really bothers me is when SAHMs complain about staying home and how tough it is. I am not saying it is easy but realize that if you are in a position to stay home you are very blessed. I worked full time not by choice but because I was the primary breadwinner. I worked up to 10 hours a day with an hour and half commute to and from work. Then I would get home, make dinner,give baths and individually read each of my kids a bedtime story and have a chat with them and then finish up on paperwork for the next day. Most nights I got 4 hours of sleep but other nights my four year old had a nightmare and I got even less but I never complained, I did it because I chose to become a parent. My husband got a huge promotion which allows me to stay home with my kids and I feel so blessed and I never take a day for granted because they grow up so quick and you NEVER will get this time back EVER! For the moms that chose to work even though they don’t have to, good for you but also respect the ones who chose to stay home. On a side note, at least for me staying home is bajillion times easier then working full time and attempting to be a full time mom, but I learned a lot of skills from work that I can carry over. For example, my kids do MOST of the cleaning. We wake up and eat breakfast and then we go room to room and each of us have assigned jobs in each room. The kids do it because they are not allowed to do ANYTHING (watch tv,go outside, play with friends etc) until it is done so they are motivated to get it done and get it done fast. Secondly, they get a weekly allowance which they have plenty of uses for since I only buy their necessities and admission into fun places but all the “extras” are on them. Lost your gloves? That is okay, we can use your allowance to buy new ones You want a funnel cake at the fair? Okay we can use your allowance to buy that. BTW my kids don’t even hate me, in fact the constantly tell me I am in the best mom in the world because we work on the cleaning for an hour in the morning and spend the rest of the day doing fun activities together with little to no stress. When kids are engaged in something they are not fighting or making messes, so they trick to easy parenting is just to find ways to get your kids involved in everything so they working with you instead of against you.

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      • 104

        stacia says

        Also, I am going to add to this that I never was at home with a baby, baby so kids before two might not be as big of helpers lol but after two get those kiddos to work ahahaha Also, I love kids I worked as a Pre-K teacher and an Early Intervention Specialist so I naturally enjoy everything about working with kiddos and understand not everyone is the same. I also work one day a week now as an EI specialist, I thought I would be dying for my one work day a week but honestly I just want to be home =)

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      • 105

        SallySue says

        I actually say the opposite. As a stay home mom of 2 young children, I feel like working is a luxury in a 2 parent household, now a 1 parent household is different as the single parent must work. I cannot afford to work, because the cost of daycare in the community I live in would be about $1700 for full time care for 2 children. There is no job in my career field in my area right now and any ordinary job paying $10/$11 per hour is n’t even going to close to covering the daycare costs! Some SAHM would love to work but can’t because of daycare!

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