25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom

1. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

2. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.

3. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.

6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.

7.  Showering is a major accomplishment.

8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.

9. You actually know what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is spent making animal sounds. 

10. Your mood depends solely on the length of time your child napped for. 

11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.

12. On the way out the door, You look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad. Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.

13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home, just so you can be alone in your own bathroom.

14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.

15. You have invited Jehovahs Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after asking if they’d like a dirty martini.

16. You have to check the weather outside before you head out because you have no idea how cold or warm it is because you haven’t been out in days.

17. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends.”

18. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple days in a row…and you’re not sure exactly how many “a couple” means.

19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner… more than once.

20. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in [insert the busiest room in the house] and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.

21. You have no idea what the date or day of the week is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.

22. It’s only 9AM and you’ve thought “I need a drink.”

23. You’re nursing an infant on the toilet while simultaneously scheduling a doctor’s visit.

24. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30am, just reheated for the 100th time.

25. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just too beautiful, no matter how tired you are.

About the writer

The Scary Mommy Community is bound by humor, humility and an understanding that we can love our children to death... yet still need to vent about them.


Ashley 6 days ago

Also stayed in the tub prob over 2 hoursvlost track of time just to have a relax time for myself. Some time I think i need a drink n I DONT drink

Ashley 6 days ago

#25 Is me right now!!!!

Annette 2 months ago

I had 3 kids in less than 3 years and there were definitely periods of time that were exactly like this. Now that they are older, life is a lot less chaotic and I feel mostly human again. Hang in there, mommas of multiple littles, it gets easier! And don’t listen to the haters. 😉

Anonymous 3 months ago

Been their know your pain but wish I could do it all over

Veronica 8 months ago

As a Jehovah’s Witness who is a SAHM, I found #15 to be particularly hysterical. Lol =)

Crazy Mama 8 months ago

Most of those describe me exactly which made me CRY. I feel like I’m losing it everyday and I feel like I’ve had the most challenging time with my now 1-year old. I am now expecting and due in 5 months which has me anxious and depressed. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and about to go completely insane once the other arrives. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. What is even more depressing is that I have no one else for support. Though my husband does his best he has his plate completely full and is literally dying working crazy hours resting a few hours at night at most. I hope some day if we can make it we will look back and laugh and be happy thinking it was all worth it. Each night I have to look at cute pictures and short fleeting moments I had with my son to remind myself to take a deep breath and take one day at a time.

Brenda 8 months ago

Yes!!!! All of them except # 18 I try to make time for myself most of the time

Ledah 8 months ago

What does it mean if you are a working mom and you still can relate to this?…now that’s scary!

CSaw 8 months ago

Ahhhh…… the silence, I can actually relax!!

Aimee 8 months ago

I think we need to get our facts straight. If I had come to your door and you offered me a martini, I would have asked if you had blue cheese olives.

Megan 8 months ago

Omg this is my life

Lisa 10 months ago

It’s really sad to see women, especially mothers, attacking one another. There is no right or wrong in this, everybody is different -therfore the same thing will not work for everybody. As mothers, we have so much on our plates already, so why are we tearing each other down? I applaud and support every mother who is raising their children in the way that works for their family.

Christina B 10 months ago

I don’t even bother to reheat my coffee anymore I’ve just gotten accustomed to drinking it cold. The only time it’s hot is the first sip.

Sarz 10 months ago

#25 I have actually developed a bit of insomnia because I enjoy the peace so much at night :(

Nadine 10 months ago

Note to self: To maintain the light-hearted feel-good factor, reading must stop at the end of the article. DO NOT scroll down to the comments section…

Heidi 10 months ago

I loved this list. However, I can’t believe the cattiness in the comments. So sad. I have been a working mom, a telecommuting mom, and now a SAHM. There is no right or wrong in any of it. They both have their perks and drawbacks. And trust me, the grass is not greener no matter what side you’re on. When you work, you miss out on events at school and milestones at home. BUT your mind is stimulated, you have adult social interaction, and you gain a sense of accomplishment from actually completing tasks. As a SAHM, you have the satisfaction of always being there for your kids. BUT after constantly being on what I call the hamster wheel (cook, clean, laundry, kid stuff, repeat), you start to resent the never-ending to-do list of things you can’t cross off.

Moreover, some of us earn our titles “working mom” or “stay at home mom” by choice. Some don’t. The bottom line? It’s ALL hard work. It’s ALL frustrating. And it’s ALL worthwhile. As long as our kids are loved and well cared for, aren’t we all doing our jobs right?

morri 10 months ago

thats me minus the tv being on(not into tv here). is it bad if the only news i look at are cricket news xD . I have one child and yes i plann at least a steri as i want to keep it this way haha xD

Amanda Sparrow 10 months ago

these days as most mothers are out working and there little ones are being looked after either by a nanny or and an Au oair

So a stay at home mother is a thing of thee past I am sad to say

Jamie Konopik 10 months ago

This is right up my alley! Best and yet hardest job in the world!

Lu Vavak 10 months ago

My favorite! Haha!

19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner… more than once.

Aubrey Roberts 10 months ago

Sooooooo true!!

Cadence Candeloro 10 months ago

Uh oh. I’m officially there

Danielle Robitaille 10 months ago

I kno all the opening songs to almost all the disney jr shows. And almost all songs sang within the shows. Ur not a stay at home mom- if u cant sing along with disney junior.

Jenny Zacharias-Phelps 10 months ago

These are great! # 24 & 25 for sure!

Jen 10 months ago

#15 LOL I made friends! Was all I was thinking. Adult convo for an hour was a treat for me despite who they were!

Ashley Poole 10 months ago

I can soooo relate to #25!

Ashley Prater 10 months ago

#8 & #25 dead on

Sarah Herniman 10 months ago

Ah maternity leave <3 I’d still choose everyone of these over going back to work in march

Stevie Alder 10 months ago

*Looks down and realizes I’m wearing the same clothes as yesterday…* Haha!

Denise Hughes Frank Blados 10 months ago

I can only relate to No. 3. I love baby wipes.

Aviva Comet Hoback 10 months ago

I thought staying home with my 6 kids for 18 years now, was proof enough of my status as a MASTER DOMESTIC ENGINEER

Nakhat Fatima 10 months ago

Oh good lord! I’m not alone … yay 😀

Katie Cizauskas 10 months ago

I laughed so hard I peed a little :) Totally my life.

Sarah Butcher 10 months ago

Lmao its all true!! Haha

Eunice Miyatake 10 months ago

Ahhh! Those were the days. Glad they are over!

Amber McGinnis 10 months ago

There are pants without elastic waist!?!?

Julie Morones ‘Dortch’ 10 months ago


Jessica Nunez 10 months ago

Love this, lol!

Stacia Norris 10 months ago

So funny, but so true. Try adding home schooling on top of it, no peace what so ever, but one day I’m going to miss it.

John Laurence 10 months ago

Cute, but disturbingly accurate.

Stacey Bass McPherson 10 months ago

#25 is the one that fits me to a T. I will sit on the couch in my dead-silent living room after the kids and hubby have gone to bed for at least an hour, just to take in the silence.

Liam Smith 10 months ago

As a shift worker I actually spend as many if not more days home with my son than my wife. Not saying we need to be “politically correct” but its worth remembering there are plenty of stay at home dads these days too.

Jennifer Janicek 10 months ago


Amanda Lee 10 months ago

24 is true for me! Coffee and breakfast is always cold by the time I am able to have them :)

Morgan Buchanan 10 months ago

Oh my!! This is scary!!! Funny….but scary!!!!

I agree with both sides – maybe 2 or 3 of these apply to me. The rest are just horrible… But I’ve known SAHMs like that so I do get the humor behind it and agree that some commenters on here need to lighten up just a smidge!

Camille Ruckman 10 months ago


Valerie Ann 10 months ago

Definitely not all true – I shower daily and am asleep before 10 most nights – however the dog goes nuts when I put my shoes and coat on.

Regina Lanzetti 10 months ago

Nice to know some things don’t change. Lived it 40 years ago and reading all 25 still bring about scary memories.

Sarah Marr Teixeira 10 months ago

So true!!!

Holly M Barnes 10 months ago

Haha! So funny!

Kimberly Thompson 10 months ago

Yep, yep, and yep. All true!

Andrea Benson 10 months ago

Bah my wife always asks what I did today… it’s easier to say nothing.. because todays real answer will involve joys such as cleaning diarrhea flecks off the bathroom walls. You’re welcome!!

Imani Malika 10 months ago

Number 24!! I am queen of reheated coffee.

Stephanie Guerra 10 months ago

So true

Krystal Ramos Barnes 10 months ago


Danielle Erwin 10 months ago

You also may be a SAHM if you consider the grocery store employees to be close acquaintances.

Danielle Erwin 10 months ago

#2, especially. Almost all of them, really.

Lindsey Rogers 10 months ago

Funny and very true! X

Jennifer Amendola-Mcmillan 10 months ago

So true, it’s scary lol

April Ratajczak 10 months ago

Hilarious!! And we’ve just begun lol

Sondi Wilson 10 months ago

#25 almost every day

Lishelle Modmama 10 months ago

I still put a bra on when you come over Natasha Carter! <3 Special frannnndddd <3

Debbie Dodds 10 months ago

Pretty much all of them

Holly Davison 10 months ago

Lol so true

Shivi Kour 10 months ago

Although my son is 10 now…I can totally relate to most of these…especially #3,17,21 and yes #25..u totally nailed it!

Tess Bryan 10 months ago

I work evening shifts. I’m a stay at home mum AND a working mum, and funnily it seems like I have all the cons of both, and none of the pros…. lol.

Melissa Kooyenga Forbes 10 months ago

This is me 3/4 of the time! Taryn Alyssa Lee we may not be sah but we are still livin the mom life :)

Ruth Simpson 10 months ago

No.25 far too often. Gotta watch grown up tv sometime

Heather Plowman 10 months ago

Not a stay at home mom but I can totally relate!

Kathi Barfield-Brewer 10 months ago

Even some of my office pants have elastic waistbands. It’s just comfortable.

La Rubia 10 months ago

Hahahah pretty close!!

Erika Chester DeMaggio 10 months ago

#25 all the way.

Cameron Hemphill Confer 10 months ago

#23. Truth!

Jessica Birney 10 months ago

Definitely 24 and 25!!!

Tasneem Imam Khan 10 months ago

Hahaha YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gahhhhh!!!

Meghan MacNeil 10 months ago

I have done every single one of these, yes even #23!

Ayla Ervin 10 months ago


Michele Gately Rodts 10 months ago

I think many of the people who have made comments here need a list titled, “25 ways you know you don’t have a sense of humor”! Get a grip people. It’s meant to get a little laugh out of the people who do relate it the topic. As with all types of media, if you don’t like it, don’t read it/turn it off.

Elaine Gill 10 months ago


Dawn Bialoskurski LoBello 10 months ago

Yes to all but my kids seeing me naked lol

Laura Avila 10 months ago

Oh Lord so true is sad!

Marsha Dunstan 10 months ago

Once my kids asked “where are we going?” because I put on shoes.

Kimberly Jo Kittridge 10 months ago

10, 11 and 16 resonate!

Lori 10 months ago

too funny

Heather Miller 10 months ago

#3. My son just asked me this today….

Liz Slie 10 months ago

Have you guys been following me around with a hidden camera?

Denise Howe 10 months ago


Ingrid Abdelnour 10 months ago

Wow, pretty right on!!

Sarah Cohea Trichel 10 months ago


Lori 10 months ago


Nicole Marie Winborn 10 months ago

Almost all of them…lol I live on 20 acres in a small small town. I cook from scratch. My driveway is a quarter mile that we walk to meet the bus in the afternoon. I drive them in the morning. Plus the store. Let’s not forget my 13 Month old son and farm animals. Cleaning my beautiful 2200 square ft house every single day….I’m exhausted at night…but when I fall into bed I just won’t allow myself to sleep. I need that little extra alone time. Just so I can embrace myself. Then wake and nurse my son at least twice still!!!!! But I love my life.

Becky Bradley 10 months ago

23 my favorite

Tiffany Ulanowski 10 months ago

Nailed it…..and im not a sahm!

Tiffany Johnson-Martinez 10 months ago

ESPECIALLY #25 No matter how tired I am, I need that little bit of me time to relax before i actually sleep. THEN i regret it in the morning!!! Lol

Jennifer Wilson 10 months ago

Haha! So many of these, but especially number 25! I’ll get up early and stay up late just for some quiet time. I’m with you Miriam Park! Five with one on the way, and I homeschool. I also cook every meal from scratch. No convenience food or ordering out. I’m a VERY busy, and happy, woman. :-)

Grace Garaycochea Garza 10 months ago

#24 and #25 yes!!!

Courtney Whener 10 months ago

This article is really sad! :( like wth. I hope people really don’t live like this

Fara Kemelman 10 months ago

Hehe #5 this evening

Heather Howell 10 months ago

#3- every time!!

Melinda Ma Powell 10 months ago

I’ve rocked yoga pants for the past 5 years… In the time, have NEVER done yoga.


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