25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom



1. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

2. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.

3. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

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5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.

6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.

7.  Showering is a major accomplishment.

8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.

9. You actually know what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is spent making animal sounds. 

10. Your mood depends solely on the length of time your child napped for. 

11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.

12. On the way out the door, You look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad. Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.

13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home, just so you can be alone in your own bathroom.

14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.

15. You have invited Jehovahs Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after asking if they’d like a dirty martini.

16. You have to check the weather outside before you head out because you have no idea how cold or warm it is because you haven’t been out in days.

17. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends.”

18. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple days in a row…and you’re not sure exactly how many “a couple” means.

19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner… more than once.

20. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in [insert the busiest room in the house] and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.

21. You have no idea what the date or day of the week is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.

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22. It’s only 9AM and you’ve thought “I need a drink.”

23. You’re nursing an infant on the toilet while simultaneously scheduling a doctor’s visit.

24. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30am, just reheated for the 100th time.

25. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just too beautiful, no matter how tired you are.

Related post: The Stay At Home Mom Challenge


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

      • 3

        grandma beth says

        I’m not a stay-home mom and at least half of these items directly define my day. my daughter IS a stay home mom and possibly the busiest person on the planet, GO BABYDOLL!

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    • 5

      Noname says

      I just want to make an observation to all the ladies commenting here- we aren’t just mothers-we are women too and I think the first thing we need to do is stop going on the computer looking up stuff like this and spending our time reading it and we should go be grown ups more often :) Strong independent women-our kids will thank us later :)

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      • 8

        Amanda says

        Are you serious? We should go do adult things? Without kids? That would be great! Except most of us don’t have that option. We are MOTHERS who don’t get days off and even if we do we still have to take care of someone. I am not independent because I find this list funny. I take care of my 6 kids, one that isn’t even 2 yet, and for me that is a HUGE accomplishment for me. If you don’t think this is grown up enough then you are the one that needs to get off the internet, Noname. I had a house full of sick kids that I took care of even tho I was sick. Then a sick husband that I had t baby just as much. My reward? Nothing you may find exciting. Sometimes reading things like this makes us realize how NORMAL we stay at home moms are and that there is nothing wrong with neglecting certain things others think they need for the benefit of our babies.

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  1. 9

    Roe says

    Thank god I have a career! The six months I spent at home on maternity leave were enough to drive me to the nut-house. I just don’t know how anyone can stay home with kids, I commend those mothers! I love my kids, I love my job!

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    • 10

      tonyboloney says

      We all have a different calling. I had to work for 10 years with my two little ones. By the time my third one came a long I was able to quit and raise her. Anyway one slices it, we all do the best we can, and we all have a different calling. You can still spend quality time at home when you are off. They’ll remember those times and not the times when you had to be away. We are all like the pebble that was thrown into the middle of the pond, your life, your job affects people you are not even aware of in a positive way. “No man is an island.” Num. 6:24-26

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          • 13

            Brandy says

            Aw I wasn’t offended at all. I actually appreciate someone understands and respects how difficult being a stay at home mom can be. I’ve seen offensive comments, many offensive comments. Anyone who gets their panties in a bunch over this really needs to find something bigger to complain about. To take this wrong is to be trying really, really hard to find something to whine about. She’s not a politician she’s human and I get what she’s saying, and I’m a stay at home mom. Lighten up people, whew.

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    • 14

      It's Me says

      Anytime someone says this it comes across as smug. Whether it was meant as such it’s hard to say over the internet but I vote that it’s never written again! and that goes for the opposite of “thank god I could stay home, I don’t know how working mother do it but I commend them”.

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    • 15

      Rae says

      I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand what woman like you have children for. All of the work that goes into raising them, you pay others to do. Meanwhile, you schedule Mom time after work or on weekends. That would drive me crazy. Stop having children if you don’t want to care for them once that initial buzz of having a newborn has worn off.

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      • 18

        Allie says

        That’s a pretty rude thing to say. I have absolutely nothing against sahms but I do hate when they act like their way is the only right way to raise kids. And actually, by saying “all of the work that goes into raising them, you pay others to do,” you’re implying that working moms aren’t raising their kids at all, which is just not true. Personally, I would be a terrible sahm because I need a lot of mental stimulation, conversations with intelligent adults, challenges in my professional life, etc. Without that I would become bored, lazy, and resentful of my husband, and that would be much worse for my kids than spending some time with a babysitter. Who are you to say that Roe or I, or any working women, shouldn’t have children? It’s just as offensive and uncalled for as if I were to tell you to stop having children so that you can work and be a productive member of society. You’ll get a lot more respect as a sahm if you drop the holier-than-thou attitude and acknowledge that while staying home may be what’s best for you and your family, it isn’t the one ideal method of raising kids.

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        • 20

          Brunette says

          Producing children IS being a “productive member of society”. Society is comprised of, wait for it… people! And people start out as *gasp* babies!

          You’re welcome.

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          • 21

            candy says

            so people who are crippled in some way ought to be killed off cuz…OMG they cant reproduce.

            someone here is very stupid & brainwashed.

            oh & for religious freak shows, read on:

            did you know that even the bible supports a childfree lifestyle? paul blessed those without kids more than once. luke blesses breasts that never suckled…& he’s a doctor so he knows what he is talking about….& jesus actually warns against children in the last days…..twice. (oh & before you bring up that ‘in childbearing she shall be saved’ verse…that is meant for eve & eve alone. says so in the verse before…AND the verse before that one to. see some faiths think adam/eve are going to hell…’cough jw’s cough’..that verse blows them out of the water. in fact in modern bibles..the word she is changed to they..the word woman is changed to women & the name eve is dropped completely, causing an actual contradiction to what jesus/paul/ luke say…..but at least it hides the fact eve will be in heaven & so people can say she’ll be in hell.)

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        • 22

          SallySue says

          While I don’t agree with how it was said I do have to agree with Rae. First of all, I believe all mother’s should have choices to have better family/life work balance. Working mothers shouldn’t have to work all the time and SAHM should have to “work” caring for their children 24/7, which has become the norm for myself(SAHM with 2 young children. From the comments you said, it seems like you work because you don’t want to be with your children. I don’t feel like that is respectful or appropriate for you children. To say things like I work because I’d be bored, resentful of my husband if I stay home seems very selfish to me. I do believe parents should be able to spend more time with their children. I have a sister who does the very same thing. She has only 1 child and whenever she has non work time, she is constantly finding a way to “get rid of her child” and find someone else to watch him or entertain him. She also have a lot of non work time because she only works 30 hours per week, husband is an attorney so they definitely don’t need her income!! I think many mother’s work out of necessity, but mother’s who choose to work simply because they can’t stand their children are the mother’s who probably shouldn’t have been mothers in the first place. Being a mother is about sacrifiece. I don’t get adult conversation everyday and I survive!

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        • 23

          Wendy Martin says

          EXACTLY! I was a much better mother to my small children when I worked full time. I’ve been unemployed for almost a year now. With the three at home all in school, I love my new role as a SAHM. Now that they are big, when I’m with them I can actually enjoy them. Being home with them 24/7 nearly drove me (literally) crazy. I don’t identify with any of the things on this list because I am me as much as I am my kids’ mother. It’s vitally important to show children that it’s ok to be a person AND a mother. Pretending like working moms are any less mothers is just asinine and indicates clearly to me that people who believe this need to put on real pants and leave their homes. I’m sure their husbands would appreciate it, too!

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      • 24

        Kel says

        Wow, that is an awful thing to say. Some of us didn’t have much of a choice but to put our kids in daycare. I have been a single mom since my child was a baby so I never had the opportunity to stay home… does that mean I should never have had her? Just terrible. She may have been in daycare, but I know for a fact that I have raised her. And very well, I might add. She is a happy, loving, well-rounded 7 year old now. It wasn’t an ideal situation but I made the best of it and it worked out just fine. And by the way, I never, EVER schedule “mom-time” after work or on the weekends. My life revolves around my child, and every day when I get off work I can’t wait to go pick her up and see how her day was. You have a pretty warped view of what a working mom does.

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        • 25

          SallySue says

          I commend you for being a single working mother. And I commented because I want other working mom’s to understand that if you are a working mom you should commit your non working hours to your family and you children. Unfortunately, not a lot of parents do that. They find relatives to watch their children for entire weekends while they go off and live their adult childfree life. I think when SAHM say.. someone else is raising your children that’s exactly what they mean. But the working mom who says things like “I would make a terrible SAHM, being bored, resentful, lack of adult conversation and my kids would drive me nuts” they number 1 disrespect my role as a SAHM and also disrespect their own families. Being a parent is a sacrifiece and it isn’t all rainbows and sunshines. It’s HARD work and should be respected as such. SAHM do suffer from more depression which isn’t hard to believe considering it’s unpaid, undervalued 24/7 work.

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          • 26

            Jamie says

            I’m a stay-at-home mom and I think you’re judgmental and sanctimonious. You have no right to dictate how working parents “should” parent or tell them what they “need to understand.” Someone parenting differently than you would doesn’t make it wrong, and being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t make you a better parent than everyone else. There’s actually lots of research that suggests that daycare is beneficial to children.

            I’d also love to see those statistics on how “not a lot” of working parents spend their free time with their kids. Can you point me to the studies you’ve read? I’m guessing not.

            Someone saying that they couldn’t be a stay-at-home mom for “insert reason here” isn’t disrespectful to you. Get over yourself. Someone living a different lifestyle isn’t an insult to you, even if you disagree with their reasons. This is especially funny since you basically insulted most working parents in your post (after all, “not a lot” of them spend proper time with their children), but are demanding respect for your own lifestyle choice, which hasn’t even been questioned.

            You’re judgmental and sanctimonious. Did I mention that already?!?

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        • 27

          Jschultz says

          I can not believe some of the things you women are saying! First of all, every families circumstances are different! Some women have NO CHOICE but to put their child/children in daycare and go to work. I am one of those mothers. I have been a single mom since my daughter was born. Would you rather I not work and not be able to put a roof over & provide for my child?? My daughters father is not present in her life & I do NOT receive child support. I am the sole provider for my daughter & just because I have to work does not mean I love my child any less than a SAHM loves theirs. And I was a stay at home mom until my daughter was 5 months old. And I wont lie, it was hard! I absolutely loved spending every moment 24/7 with my baby girl. But just like any other mother I got overwhelmed at times, felt lonely, and needed to be around other adults. That in no way makes me a bad mother or a mother that doesn’t love her child!! As a mother it is extremely important to take care of ourselves as well as our children. How can you be the best mom you can be if you feel lonely all the time, or you don’t have a chance to do anything for yourself. Whether it be going to the gym, getting your hair done, going out for dinner with your friends, or going to work… It should not matter to anyone but myself & my daughter what I do with my life. I like going to work. It makes me feel good knowing that I am providing for my child because I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING and I want to take the very best care of her. It also makes me feel really good about myself that I am playing an active part in society. And also socializing with other adults helps me keep my sanity. If I am happy, then my daughter senses that and it makes her happy.. I see it.

          Would you women also tell me not to go back to school to further my education so I can get a better job so I can save money and get a place for just my daughter & I???? (we live with my mom and my brother in a 2 bedroom apartment)

          So please keep your opinions to yourself. What I do with my life does NOT affect yours. Why don’t you go pay attention to your children rather than sit here and bash other mothers for doing what they HAVE to do.

          And for the woman who said “All of the work you put into raising them, your paying other to do it” Screw you!!!! .. My daughter goes to daycare Mon-Friday while I go to work. Yes during those days her teachers at school are HELPING to raise her. They are wonderful women and I trust them 100%.. but when I pick her up and take her home it is ME that is RAISING her! And on the weekends when it’s just her and I at home, I AM RAISING HER. And just so you know, my daughter will be 2 next month and she is incredibly smart. She has been speaking in full sentences since she is 16 months, she can count to 15 & she knows her ABC’s. And I know for a fact that going to school contributed to all of that. She loves going to school to learn & play with her little friends. Socialization is so important for future schooling.

          OK I am done now. I KNOW that I am an amazing mother. I KNOW that my daughter is happy & well cared for. I KNOW that this is what I have to do. And I KNOW that my daughter sees & feels how much I love & adore her…. and that is all that matters.

          I hope you ladies get a reality check and stop bashing other mothers. We are supposed to support and empower each other, not criticize, judge or hurt each other.

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          • 28

            Jschultz says

            Sorry I have to say one more thing…

            I do agree with SallySue saying that working mothers should devote their non-working time to their families & children.. to an extent. I for one, cannot stand when a mother pawns her kids off to relatives to go out all the time, or to go out and party. I do not condone that what so ever.

            However, I can tell you that once or twice a month my mom does babysit so I can go out for an hour or two AFTER I put my daughter to bed. Whether it be to go to a zumba class, for coffee with a friend or dinner with my girlfriends. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with that. As long as it isn’t every night or every weekend, why shouldn’t we get a little bit of time for ourselves? I know for me it is very important. I don’t have many friends and I feel very alone often. I don’t have a significant other either. Sometimes I just need to get out for an hour or 2. Being a single mom can be so mentally & emotionally challenging. I know it first hand. Sometimes I am just so sad and so lonely. And if going out for a cup of coffee with a friend helps me feel better and puts a smile on my face then I damn sure am going to do that once in a while.

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        • 29

          KaseyT says

          You are right. I have a 6 & 2 yr old daughter and I choose to be a sahm because I have always said that I choose to have children they are my responsibility and not any body else’s. In 6 years my husband and I have had 2 evenings to yourself and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My oldest is in kindergarten all day and when my youngest starts school then I will start my career. I have 2 months left and I will have my MA in psychology/Child behavioral science and I have been doing online college for 4 years now. Just because you have children you can still go to work or school and be a productive person. You can also do the same being a sahm. Being a sahm is harder than any job out there. You are shaping and forming young impressionable minds and also scaraficing your own wants and needs to make sure your children have everything they need. Being a parent whether working or being a sahm is not an easy job. All of you who want to bash sahm or put down working moms shame on you. In today’s society moms have to work as well as the fathers just to make ends meet.

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      • 30

        hshdhdidk says

        Ummm your just a bitch for saying that! How dare you say that working moms pay someone else to raise there kids!! Some of us working moms dont have a choice. You need to pull your head out of your ass and think about what you saod and how many women you offended by saying what you did! I spend every waking moment with my son when im not at work.

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      • 31

        ijustgottasay says

        Wow. First of all I have been a working mom and a SAHM. It is a tough job either way. With both cases, the mom never stops working. We never have “off days”. If you are a working mom, you go to your job outside the home and then you get your kids and don’t stop working until they are in bed. Even after they go to bed, you still feel obligated to pick up the house. On your “off days” you spend the whole day taking care of kids and using those “off days” to catch up on house work. Same goes for SAHM. You are “on the clock” from the time you get up to when you go to bed.

        You ask “why” we have children. We have children for the same reason YOU have children. We want to be mothers. We want to have a family. Not all of us are able to quit our jobs to be at home. Not all of us are able to live off just our husband’s salary. With the economy the way it is, it usually takes two to make it. Then you have those single moms who have no choice but to work. There are single moms who work 2 or 3 jobs to take care of their kids.

        In all honesty, I have no idea why I am responding to your ignorant post. I shouldn’t feed the trolls, troll! Go back under your bridge!

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      • 33

        V says

        Don’t WANT to care for them?! Are you insane, Rae? Like….do you think every mom who works is doing it because she chose to? Some of us HAVE to work, because Prince Charming decided to leave us for someone else and build a new life with her, and now we’re the only one who can bring home an income. Please, honey, being a stay at home mom is a choice, and if it’s a choice someone is in a position to make, awesome. Go for it. But working always isn’t a choice. I dare you to walk in my shoes for a day – work 10 hours a day, come home and care for a disabled child who hasn’t seen his father in years by yourself, then usually do more work in your home office before bed. Sometimes chores get done. You wouldn’t even last a day. And don’t bother responding, I won’t take time to read it.

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      • 34

        Angel says

        I don’t agree with you. I’ve been both a working mom and have stayed home. Both are challenging. It’s not fair of you to judge those who work and have kids. Don’t be so judgmental. You make stay at home mom’s look bad. .

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      • 35

        Mom of 3 says

        That’s just ignorance, Rae. I tried to be a SAHM when my triplets were small. I realized VERY quickly my husband and I couldn’t make ends meet going that route. By my taking a job and enrolling the kids in daycare, they got a jump-start on their education that I wouldn’t have even thought to give them AND we were able to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Do I enjoy the fact that I get exactly THREE waking hours per day with my kids? Of course not! Can I avoid it? Not a chance. It DOES make me cherish the fun times I do get to have with them every weekend and holiday. It’s not fair for any SAHM to judge a WM, nor the other way around.

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      • 36

        fishy says

        Stay at hone mom. Is another term for lazy. You think you have it so tuff. All u do is stay hone and feed and change children. Get a job and raise your kids. That takes actual strength and work

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        • 38

          Stephanie says

          I am a SAHM and have been for almost 3 years. I was a very hard working mom before my husband and i got together. Both jobs are hard but it takes a special kind of woman to really jump head on into being a SAHM. not saying there is anything at all wrong with working moms. you ladies are super heros i swear it. I have found out that with being a sahm that you have to have ALOT of patience and thats something i lack and have tried and tried to get better at it. I now have a 5 month old that i stay home with while my 6 yr old goes to school. I havent had my license for this whole 3 years and any car we get ends up breaking down and we dont have the money to fix them so i literally stay home all day every day and it gets very lonely and disheartening. ive lost quite a bit of friends because of that. but this year with tax check we are getting a good running car and my license back so im hoping to make the most of everything. ive been considering getting a part time job for the extra money and for mommy to get out of the house every once in awhile. lol

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      • 39

        SAHMof4 says

        I’m a SAHM and I feel horrible that you would even imply a working mum is less because she uses daycare. I do not feel in anyway better than other mothers just because I stay home instead of finding a job. If a woman has to work for financial reasons, personal reason or just because she wants to does not make her a bad parent. Woman faught for their rights, this means they faught for the right to choose. That means if a woman works as a labourer or a doctor or a teacher or stays home to raise kids they are all equal, that is their right.

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      • 40

        luvmyboy says

        From one SAHM to another. You don’t want people to judge you, so don’t judge them!
        You’re no better than anyone else. Your life is no more important than anyone else’s.

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      • 41

        Sara says

        Wow. It’s just flat out rude and ignorant of you to say something like that.

        I am a SAHM of a 15-month-old girl and a 2-month-old boy who has reflux and cries nearly every minute of the day… I enjoy articles like this because they are funny (sometimes the only laugh I get in my day) and they give me a sense of comfort and community… in knowing there are others out there in my shoes and we will all make it through. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss having a career, working in an office of adults, contributing ideas, and feeling accomplished as a professional woman.

        That said, I have a tremendous amount of respect for working mothers. I know that being a SAHM (especially of babies) is difficult, but I imagine there is great difficulty that comes with getting your kids out of bed, hauling them and all the stuff they come with to a babysitter, having to say goodbye and trusting that someone else will keep them safe and nurture them. Yes, working moms get to “put on real pants” and leave the house. For that, I am admittedly jealous. But, that does not make them any less of a mother.

        My mom was the world’s most amazing mom… she was a single parent and worked two jobs on top of going to night school. I don’t recall EVER feeling like I was raised by someone else or that she wasn’t present in my life. Of course I spent time with grandparents, family members, and my dad, but spending some time with other people is good for children. I’m sure it was difficult for her, but ya know what? She did it, and she did it well.

        Motherhood is hard. I’ll admit, some days — it’s downright miserable. And it has many faces. How about we all stop judging, finger-pointing, and assuming we know everything… enjoy fun articles like this… and support every mother who is doing the best she can for her kids.

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      • 42

        Amanda says

        Sometimes mother’s cant help it. What if a spouse suddenly dies or walks out on them, as what happened to my sister? Moms aren’t always as lucky as some of us who CAN stay home with our kids.

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    • 43

      Petra says

      Hi all,
      so it was too long for some of you to stay with your baby at home for 6 months? Imagine that in our country we usually stay at home with kids for 3 YEARS! (we get some parental benefits, but are mainly dependent on our partners). In fact, I don’t know anyone who stayed out of job for less than 2 years… Well, it’s a tradition and often a necessity, as it is difficult to find a nursery for a child younger than 3. Most families can’t afford private nurseries, that usually accept children from the age of 2. And, the nurseries/preschools close at 5 pm, some even earlier (so the problems continue when you try to find a job to be back for the child on time). Most of us can’t afford nannies, so we “employ” grandmothers or older siblings (yes that can and do stay at home alone as soon as they go to school at some families).
      Have a nice, calm Friday evening ;)
      P. D. (Prague)

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  2. 47

    Reader says

    I don’t think a child should be home with mom all day. I have many small ones, and I’d love to have them all in daycare for their stimulation, friends, structure, learning, hot balanced meals and FUN. If daycare didn’t cost as much as college, we’d be there in a second! Moms at home are trying to clean, cook, do laundry, maintain patience, etc. Not the best environment for a kid.

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    • 49

      Shana says

      Except that all the research shows the exact opposite of what you said to be true. Children thrive when they are home with their moms, compared to being in day care. I’m sure there are good day cares but they are not a replacement for what a child learns at home.

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      • 52

        Janelle says

        My daughter thrived in daycare. Before she started attending I couldn’t even leave her with her father for a trip to the corner store … She made lots of friends & is happy and socialized. And I honestly think I’M a better, HAPPIER mom because of it.

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      • 53

        Jschultz says

        MY DAUGHTER IS THRIVING AND SHE GOES TO DAYCARE! How dare you say that! Implying that my daughter isn’t thriving because she goes to daycare! She learns so much from being at school and so much from her time at home with me as well. She has been speaking in full sentences since 16 months, can count to 15 and knows her ABC’s, among lots of other things. And she isn’t even 2 yet. Ugh I am so disgusted with the things you women have to say. You have no idea what you are talking about.

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      • 54

        Andrea says

        Actually, research shows that children who’s moms work part-time fare better than those who stay home all day. Research also supports mom’s physical and emotional health improves when working!

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    • 55

      TwinMommy says

      LOL! We’ll have to agree to disagree here. As a stay at home mom I am not focused on cleaning, laundry and maintaining patience. Laundry is done when my kids are in bed; I can clean when they nap. Rather, my day is spent focused on my children, their stimulation, their learning, structure, hot balanced organic meals, and FUN… a lot of fun! I get that some people have to or choose to put their kids in daycare, and that is totally fine! Whatever works for your family! But I just don’t see how you could say that being in a loving home with a parent is worse than being in a daycare with two teachers trying to control 25 other kids. Both my children and I are so blessed that we can spend these precious years learning and playing and loving together! <3

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      • 57

        Reader says

        I disagree. The kids would fight all day and be bored at home. I was stressed. It was not good at ALL; our interactions. I work ALL day with cleaning,cooking, and laundry and house management and the house would still not even be really great. 6 little kids under age 8. Daycare was a lifesaver. The kids are much happier there. My oldest gets really mad if I pick her up early. They have FUN there. And I don’t feel guilty I am ignoring the kids while I do the work in the house. Maybe 2 or 3 kids is different. It is great you play together. I don’t even get a shower more than every 2 to 3 days. :)

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        • 58

          devrie says

          I stay at home with two little ones while my oldest goes to public school. Sometimes I wish I could put them in daycare for just one day a week. To me, that would be perfect!

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          • 60

            Julia says

            Maybe you shouldn’t be such a judgmental b****! You don’t have to agree with the way somebody else raises their child, but there is absolutely no reason to have that sort of response. I could make a comment about your parenting style based on one comment, but unlike you I try not to do that. I’m shocked & appalled by your lack of common decency…

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      • 61

        Holly Abraham says

        twinmommy… I couldn’t agree more! I’m also a stay at home mommy. I have 5 children. My house is clean, but I wouldn’t suggest eating off the floors, I may have a basket or two of laundry sitting around waiting to be put away, there’s usually a few dishes in the sink waiting to be washed… But all those things come second to playing, singing, dancing, reading, cuddling, napping, teaching, bathing and just plain spending good quality time with my children. I had to work with my first 3 children and fortunately, I’ve been able to be a stay at home mom with my last two babies. I will be the first person to say it is definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had, but it’s also the most rewarding job as well.

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      • 62

        Maha says

        Well, I feel better knowing even the SAHMs don’t have perfect houses. Nothing like coming home to start the work at 6pm that others have had the luxury of a head start on… vacuum cleaner one was funny – mine stays plugged in because I keep telling myself that one of these days I’ll have time to do it before midnight, LOL. And the one about scheduling a doctor’s visit – hilarious! If my doctor sees my within 5 years she’ll be shocked!

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      • 64

        Olive says

        I appreicate you saying this because I find myself cleaning all day long and I do need to cut it out.. i feel like Im not getting to really reap the benifits of staying at home with them (part time) as Im putting dishes away or cleaning the floors.

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        • 65

          katie says

          I completely understand how you feel, I’m the same way, except not entirely by choice, if the house isn’t almost perfectly clean I have to deal with my husband’s attitude. And now I feel terrible for my daughter and that I don’t spend as much time playing with her (at home) as I would like. I hope when she grows up she doesn’t wish she was in daycare as a child, that would break my heart! I do take her to the park most nice days though and the library and she finished swim lessons a couple weeks ago. I also always read to her and sing to her when she goes to bed too. I think it’s good I read this, I will try to do better for her.

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        • 66

          Karen says

          One of the chapter titles of the book “The Feminine Mystique” is “Housework Expands to Fill the Time Available” and she goes on to explain that women fill their time with housework, and housework soon becomes all they do, and yet that women who work are equally capable of keeping their houses clean in only a few hours a week. So it’s basically the time you have to give to it. Stop letting it take all your time. I am a sahm to two grade schoolers, and this year I am going to start working part time, and let me tell you, I only do housework about an hour a day. And yet my house is clean.

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    • 68

      Reader says

      With all respect for your comments, I did stay at home for my little ones for a bit. Our interactions were so terrible. I was too stressed, trying to keep the house in order (some basic things; it didn’t have to be perfect). The kids were always bored. We had baby to age 5 so going anywhere was hard and the older ones wanted to do stuff that I couldn’t easily do with a baby. So I compromised financially. I did part-time day care. It was the best decision ever. My older kids LOVED it. They could even go on field trips in summer that I couldn’t easily do with them. And even the 15 month old liked it; he got good interactions from the teachers and other little ones. I was way less stressed and I knew the kids were being cared for and entertained/stimulated while I managed the house. Any woman who tries to do it all…bless her. I am grateful for daycare, even as a SAHM.

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      • 69

        brandi says

        I think this is where you have to understand that is what is best for your family… but you can’t just post a statement saying kids shouldn’t be with their mothers. As a stay at home Momma.. I have built a bond with my two boys and help them grow together. I know I couldn’t handle any more kids right now by myself, so we have stopped for the moment. This is MY choice. I don’t spend my day cleaning and cooking I get my oldest to help so he’s learning something I love to do and interacting. He knows a lot more than most children his age. When daddy gets home is when I get cleaning done, not during my precious moments with my boys. They’re not little for long, cleaning can wait.

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      • 71

        Grits says

        We all feel stressed under different circumstances. We all cope with stress in different ways. Six months ago, I was the yelling-through-the-house-spanking-sending-to-nap-early-Mommy. Now, I don’t do any of those things. I have learned that I stress over petty things. So, I’ve also learned to mentally take a step back. Ask myself a few questions: How important is this, really? What is the best way to respond to this situation? In light of my child’s age, what is the most I can expect from him? Looking at things, I realized I was putting unrealistic expectations on myself, and my children. When I let go of some things that didn’t matter, my children relaxed as I relaxed. My husband has relaxed. Our house has grown happier. Even the dog is happier! It is true that we mothers set the tone for the rest of the family. So, if you really needed a break and you got one: more power to ya’! For me, I just had to reexamine my priorities, and teach myself a few tricks for dealing w/ stress. (who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks???)

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        • 72

          smiley says

          I’ve struggled with the exact same situation and being able to really evaluate your actions and the motivations behind them makes such a difference. I’m working on being a more rational and calm mom, thanks for your post

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      • 73

        Olive says

        I agree. My girls loves the stuff and the friends they have at day care. Its a new environemtn for them, different foods, different book and toys, different play ground stuff.

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    • 74

      Reader says

      Yes. The kids were totally ignored. I spent no time with them. They’d fight and be bored. I felt bad for them, so I chose daycare so they could have structure, friends, and age-appropriate stimulation. Having 6 under age 8 meant nobody’s needs were really met. But the daycare was grouped by age. And here is the thing:my kids loved it. They begged to go each day. They have fun! Do you know how much laundry we have? I am talking basic things like pants not soaked in pee, or sheets that don’t smell, or a living room you can walk through and not trip on. We even have a cleaning lady and it’s still about 5 hours a day minimum I spend on the house. And it still looks messy each day! Being home was not fun for my kids and made me too guilty, since they were “there” but I was so busy. Daycare is the perfect solution. It was mental torture (as Lisa called it) for all of us to be home all day.

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      • 75

        M says

        That’s crazy! My grandmother had 15 and they all (with the exception of the youngest lol) grew up to be responsible, loving adults! You need to prioritize, get of things and downsize to something more manageable. Five hours a day spent on the house? You said it, they were there but you were “too busy”. Forget the cleaning, no one cares about it, and they people that would snub at your messy house are not welcomed!

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        • 76

          Reader says

          I know, I know. But when my husband has NO clean underwear and is working so hard getting up at 5am, I need to get the laundry done! And when I am getting injured from walking into toys and stuff, or the floor is so dirty a baby would choke from its old food contents. I cannot describe how messy it is having all the little ones home all day DESPITE constant cleaning. A clean house is peace of mind; I am so less stressed. And I don’t mean “clean.” Just safe so we’re not getting injured, wearing clothes that smell or are stained, and don’t have bed sheets soaked in pee. Basic, basic stuff. With 3 kids it was EASY. 15 kids…that’s awesome. I don’t know how though! When the house is a total filthy zoo, the kids and husband don’t like that; it’s stressful and gross. Nobody else cares for sure!

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          • 78

            mom-o-8 says

            I have 8 kids age 10 and under and would never think about putting them in daycare. The conversations that arise when we are doing things during the day are priceless and would never happen if there weren’t prolonged moments together. These are precious years to encourage, love, build up confidence and just enjoy the sweetness. It sounds like maybe you should have slowed down the number of kids you were having if it was such a stress. Having a large family is definitely work and not for everyone, but I have found it immensely fulfilling and can’t imagine farming my kids out sooner then we have to (we do public school). Save the daycare money and pay for a housekeeper and enjoy your sweet ones.-PS, this is not judging people who put their children in daycare. Some women really enjoy an outside career and the balance it gives them. Each person needs to do what is best for their emotional state and family. And having time to yourself is not bad, even as a stay at home mom. Just wanted to let people know that you can have a large brood and enjoy it and not be consumed with the housework. Children love to “help” and soon become old enough for that “helping” to actually make a difference, if they are taught at a young age. My 7 year old twin boys fight over who gets to Lysol down the toilet!

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          • 79

            Amy says

            While I’m sure you don’t MEAN to come off as condescending, that is kind of how I’m taking your post. You obviously wanted MANY children, and that’s great, as apparently you can afford them if you can afford daycare for all of them, AND a cleaning lady. Most of us stop having children after having only a couple. I knew my limits as to what I could handle, and that is a BIG reason we stopped with 2. My kids have been home with me since day one. They are both happy, bright, sweet and considerate children, who know that mom will always be there. Of COURSE they bicker…show my a scenario where more than one child playing together DOESN’T! They also love each other very much, and the first to defend their sibling when shit hits the fan! I’m not cooking and cleaning all day…I do what I can when I can. Our house is always kept up, and we also have 3 dogs and 2 cats. I feel VERY fortunate to be home for them, and would never consider daycare for them unless I worked…despite having MANY physical health challenges. My babies are MY responsibility, and I love that I am able to do this for this short period of their life.

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          • 80

            lovingmommy says

            There is no excuse for it to be so messy that there are old food pieced on the floor. It takes a few seconds to whip a vacuum out and clean it up!

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        • 81

          S says

          If you have the money for daycare why don’t you use that money for a housekeeper or someone to aid in meal prep or a mothers helper? Sounds like you need help with thr house!

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      • 82

        SallySue says

        Not to sound rude, but obviously you must have a lot of money with six children, able to send them all to daycare while you stay home and with hire a house keeper on top of that. Now that is what I call a life of luxury, but my family doesn’t have that option. With only 2 kids we can barely afford to pay for preschool for my 4 year old!! I am a poor SAHM and there is definetely nothing luxusious about my life. Being a SAHM and sending kids to daycare just baffles me and I think it’s very silly. You can say that it’s good for your child but what I really think you mean is that it’s good for you!

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      • 85

        Maha says

        Amen, sister! My kids used to love coming home to “teach” me and hubby things they assumed we never knew, and we got to go “Oooooh” and they felt so special. Totally precious! And to this day, my daughter and I have a habit of sitting by the bed and discussing all the ins and outs of life. Amazingly, my kids are also closely bonded to their grandparents despite not being with them every waking moment of the day either!

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      • 87

        Done it both ways says

        You all need to stop it! I scanned this article for a quick laugh, as a mom that is now a sahm, but was a working mom with my first child. Both of my kids are doing great in school, sports, socially, etc. The one constant in both of their preschool lives was the constant, unconditional love of my husband and I. Each mother has tough choices she has to make each day, and I bet we all want our kids to be the best they can be under the best circumstances we can give them. I read the article for a chuckle, but scanning the comments broke my heart. Not a single one of you has the credentials, power or authority to declare “the best way to raise a child.” But what you all do have the power and authority to do is be kind to one another, especially your fellow female. Prove your happiness with your chosen lifestyle by exuding kindness through the actions and words you use. You don’t have to prove yourself or justify your choices to the other readers of this casual article. Get off the computer, and show your kids how to be nice. If you reply to this comment, I won’t see it. I’m getting off the computer to go hang with my kids.

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        • 88

          BETH says

          Very well said. I am a SAHM everyday is different but the same lol I can say for certain it’s not something everyone could do, before being a mom I had a high horse of everything then I became a mom my eyes opened and my world changed. I think all us moms NEED to stop judging . guilt and worry come with the title we need to stop adding society acceptance to the list, wether you are at home or do daycare realize we are all trying our best and some people really truly rock at the mom thing others struggle with 24/7 mom role I honestly can not judge them and neither should you we all have our strengths and our weakness there is SO much that goes into raising kids what is wrong with getting help ? I would rather a mom get help from a daycare then go insane trying to meet everyone else expectations , do what is best for you and your family and forget the rest, because in the end that’s all we can do,good luck and God bless
          (Any ‘you’s are not directed at anyone in particular just a broad statement 😉)

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    • 90

      Kylene says

      I completely disagree with this, when your child is home with the mother then they can learn so much more. You can have one on one time with each child unlike in daycare when there are lots of kids. I homeschool my kids and they are above the average, they take tests each year to make sure they are not falling behind and they are above there grade level. So, being home has been wonderful for them. I may not get to put myself first but I do get to put my kids first. I don’t care if I have old coffee as long as my kids are learning what they need to.

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    • 92

      stacia says

      I worked as a Pre-K teacher and the kids that were “raised” in daycare are the ones that have social deficits and here is why. In the infant room the ratio is 1:3 the babies who cry and scream are those ones who are held. In the toddler room the ratio is 1:5 the ones who are jumping off the table are the ones that get the attention because we need to keep the room safe, at this point kids start to form the conclusion, if I misbehave I get attention, if I am good then I get pushed to the side. Now they get to the terrible two room ratio 1:8 that is 8 two year olds for one teacher and sometimes 16 kds with an assistant who does not need expereince or education in childhood development. 16 two year olds and one capable teacher = chaos Kids hit eachother,bite, etc so at this age they learn hurt or get hurt. At 3 the ratio goes to 1:10 that is up to 20 with an assistant! Again, I often received some teenage girl who I had to give projects to just to get her out of my hair, go cut out these squares while I actually take care of these 20 children by myself. Things happen in daycare, I was blessed to never have anything happen on my watch but we had a child allergic to peanuts given peanut butter by a new assistant that was subbing in another classroom, we have straight up “lost” children for 20 minutes, the teachers shuffle around all day so that staff can be cut, so there is no consistency, and in the school age room k-age 13 ratio 1:20 a 13 year old was taking the younger kids into the bathroom and kissing them. That all happened in one year working at a big corporate daycare, probably the biggest one out there. So I moved to a different private school, did not make a difference things were still pretty chaotic. My son even had his head bashed in by another kid with one of those 2 by 4 wooden blocks and had to be taken to emergency!

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      • 94

        Chelsea says

        I am a mom of 5 kids 6 & under. When our third was born, our oldest had just turned 2 two weeks prior. Although I work 20-30 hrs a week serving during the evenings while they stay home with dad, I feel like a sahm mom during the day, and also idenfify with the Strustruggles of a working mom. What offends me most is the other mothers’ quickness to judge that this mother for being honest with her feelings on her ability to stay home all day with the kids with “Maybe you should keep your legs closed” Gross. That is very judgemental and mean spirited. She never said that ahe didn’t love or want her kids. She just has a difficult time handling them all day. Most of us do. At least she is honest with her feelings instead of a holier than thou approach, whether you are a sahm or working mom. Grow up!

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    • 95

      tiana says

      It would only be not the best environment if the mother who kept the kids all day kept her house nasty. I am a mother of three and my kids have never been in daycare. I cook I clean I do laundry I do everything around the house but guess what my kids are safe my kids are with me and I’m raising my kids not trusting someone who could molest them. Or beat them. My kids have fun my kids are happy and wet have a thing called play dates with other mommy’s and kids so they get the interaction they need but also the mommy time they need too

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    • 96

      Olivia says

      What the heck?! I a not a mom. But I was a child that had a stay at home mom. I had a great education and a perfect environment for growing up. Not every mom can be a stay at home mom. But I definitely think that if you can’t than you should get a nanny . Kids do best in their own homes. Not in a crowded room with a bunch if other kids. Ridiculous

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    • 97

      brooke says

      You have the choice to give them everything (and more) than they could get a daycare. My kids get all of the things you mentioned, but it’s all from someone who loves them rather than someone who’s being paid to spend the day with them. And THAT is why I stay at home with them. My house is not always clean, but I spend all day making memories & enjoying every moment with my girls. I told my husband that I’m a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home cleaning lady. They’ll soon spend the majority of their time in school, in sports, with friends…. I’m lovin this time while I have it.
      Oh & as for balanced meals…why can’t you provide them with that? I think Daycare actually ruins their eating habits. It gets them hooked on kid food (crap food). My kids eat what we eat & don’t think a thing of it because it’s all they’ve ever known. Their favorite meals are salmon/rice or spinach artichoke wraps.
      If you have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, make use of it!!

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    • 98

      April says

      #35 so glad that is an opinion and your not in government. I would never put mine in daycare are public school. We homeschool and I am home with them. My children are very social and have no problem playing with others or communicating with anyone. Get out of your box you are living in. Kids seeing Mom doing these things and seeing their Daddy go to work daily is very strong structure. Remember this Opinions are like A**holes everyone has one.

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    • 99

      Connie says

      I raised 4 incredibly successful children and I was a stay at home mom for more than 20 years, I even went to college at the same time….mostly at home computer courses that our local college provided. I taught my children (stimulation you called it) played with them and showed them the love from their mommy that no daycare of minimum wage daycare worker could….I didn’t need a career outside the home, I was doing the most important thing in the world raising the children God gave me. It’s the least I could do for the gifts He gave me 😍, it was my “job” for 24 years and I woildn’t change a thing!

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    • 101

      Jeanie says

      As a mom who has done both, I found my youngest thrived being at home with me, as well as my oldest who was in daycare until she was 5. And anothe commentor stated the truth. My house was a total wreck from us playing all day and bedtime for them meant cleaning time for mommy. I spent it with my child doing what she wanted to do, so lots of tea parties, mommy baby games, with me being the baby of course. Yes there were days that she had to go shopping with me and both my girls assisted with dinner. My girls are six years apart and their personalities are totally different and because of this I think the decision to send the oldest to daycare so I could return to work was best for her. She was a super shy child and just bloomed in daycare. My youngest is very outgoing friendly child who makes friends everywhere she goes,so socialization for her was a breeze. Both are in school now and I miss them during the day and my house is spotless 😔

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    • 106

      Laurie says

      I was a stay-at-home Mom to 4 children, a boy and 3 girls, the first three were 2 years apart each. It was wonderful. I taught them to sing and play the piano. We had pretend art shows. We made home made play dough. I taught them musical pitch by experiments with different amounts of water in glasses and tapping them to hear the different sounds. They learned Math by adding raisins or mini marshmallows and then were allowed to eat them when they got the answers right. I taught them to cook and bake. We had fun summer days where they rode bikes and I supervised the little ones in an inflatable pool in the yard. They loved outings to the playground. When they were older I chauffered them to their numerous activities. When they started school, they did extremely well, and all four went on to go to college. I miss the days when they were little.

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  3. 107

    cheesehead4ever says

    After spending almost twelve years at home, I would agree with most of them except the bra one. I never go without a bra.

    But even though those years set us back financially, I would make the exact same decision to stay home again.

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  4. 112

    kmz says

    During the years before preschool, I completely believe that if the mother can stay at home with her children they should. It builds a bond between the mother and the children that is needed in this world. Every human will have plenty of time to bond and socialize with the rest of the world. Visits with family and friends, and of course lil adventures daily, tons of playtime is plenty of socialization for a young mind. Staying at home is not easy, and can leave a woman weary by the time, the hubby walks in the door, but when I see my child do the littlest things that I taught him, then I know it is all worth it. For those who can not stay at home, or choose to work, I would hope that anyone would applaud you for knowing what is best for your family and yourself. :) Not a single one of us is “doing it Right” anyway. :) We all can only try our best! This comment was strictly for the person who said that “kids need socialization and not to be with their mothers all day long, because they are cooking and cleaning…” Children are always watching, and can learn so much from this environment. My children do small chores around the house, like clean up toys, feed the dog with help, and other tiny things, but all of this is teaching them responsibility at their level. It lets them see what needs to be done to survive a day, and is exactly what education they will need most in life. They will only be so little for so long, and a mother can only hold their little hands for so long, so why not try (if you can) embrace for as long as you can?

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    • 114

      Dori says

      I agree with your comment and was wondering, what exactly, the other person thought so bad about children spending their lives with their mothers? Lol…is that not what being a family is all about? I agree children need to socialize and spend time away from their parents, but you are so right in that they will have plenty of time to develop relationships outside of the family. There is nothing wrong with children learning by example how to take care of their surroundings among EVERYTHING else they will learn from their mommies…stay at home and working.

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    • 116

      Kate says

      I’ve been staying home with my three boys for eight years and I have to agree with you – the only item on this list I really can relate to is #25 :)

      I like to eat too much to be satisfied with my kids’ leftovers, my day always starts with hot coffee while I read the news, and we have a super active, tight-knit social group (full of other children!) that takes us out of the house many times each week for park trips, museum visits, arts and crafts, berry picking, etc, etc!

      If I was trapped in the house every day, unable to shower, eating leftover grilled cheese, with no other adult interaction – I would be miserable! LOL

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