What to Expect The First Day Home

270 Comments

Hospital-Bassinet

Wake up to breakfast in bed provided by the hospital cafeteria.

Have the lovely nurses in the nursery wheel in your precious baby and spend the morning bonding.

Talk to the doctor, who tells you the great news: You’re being discharged today!

Panic.

Realize you left the car seat in the car.

Panic.

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Send hubby to get said car seat while you are alone with the baby.

Panic.

Realize you don’t know how to work the car seat.

Panic.

Finally get the baby in the car seat only to realize that it looks like you just placed a mouse in a cage fit for an elephant.

Panic.

Say goodbye to the lovely hospital staff and thank them for all they have done.

Panic.

Get wheeled down to the car while realizing that this is it: no more pushing a button to get help when you need it.

Panic.

Get yourself, the hubby and the baby in the car.

Panic.

Drive five miles an hour on the car ride home.

Panic.

Get home and feel like a strange man in a strange land.

Panic.

Get unpacked and wonder what to do next.

Panic.

The baby cries.

Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.

Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.

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Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.

Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

Panic.

Realize that you have been home for eight hours and haven’t eaten or used the bathroom.

Panic/get faint.

Decide it is time for everyone to try to go to bed and put the baby down for the night.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

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Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Decide that it’s finally time to call it night and… start your day.

You made it!

One day down, 18 more years to go.

Comments

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  1. 1

    Astra says

    Haha! Funny, sad, true … all in one. Now the next story is when hubby goes back to work after baby is born and you truly are all alone with your baby. NEW kind of panic :)

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  2. 3

    Rachael says

    You forgot to add that the in-laws will show up and insist on helping but you have no idea what you are doing, let alone how to have them help.

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    • 4

      Melissa says

      LOL! Or the in-laws question EVERYTHING you and your husband are doing and think that you guys are really the new cast of “19 and pregnant” though you are 35!! And then want to stay for dinner… and oh, your brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws were invited too… and you can’t even sit down at the table because A. you had a c-section just a few days ago B. you really need to go to the bathroom but you are so backed up thanks to all the crap they pump you with in the hospital C. you have a crying baby attached to your boob and you still haven’t gotten the whole breastfeeding thing down and oh, D. you are friggin tired!!!

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      • 5

        Traci says

        LOL! I remember sitting on the toilet after my first crying so hard because I didn’t want to poop but had to! No one warned me about episiotomy pain!!

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        • 6

          Kelly says

          Oh yes! Everyone come on over and celebrate! Sure you can hold the baby while it sleeps and expect me to play hostess in my pajamas! Yep, as soon as the baby wakes up, I know you’ll have to leave and I’m stuck with extra mess and a screaming baby! no, I don’t need to change my soaked pad or sleep or shower! yes, I can hold my poop for a week! haha, loved all of this!

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        • 8

          Tina says

          Yes, I do remember that oh-so-well. I remember being in the hospital after my daughter was born and they won’t let you go home unless you do #2. I was in a lot of pain (btw, wearing a big huge after-birth pad AND an ice pack does not feel amazing). So I’m sitting there, like no I don’t want to because it’s going to hurt, but yes I must if I want to go home! I was so proud of myself when I actually did!!

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  3. 11

    Maura says

    So true! The hospital “discharged” me in the morning, and we didn’t leave until 4pm because I still hadn’t gotten my final orders from the nurse, was still waiting on the pump we rented from the lactation center, and was insistent on taking a shower. It was a very stressful day.
    One thing I would change from the sequence above is the “Get unpacked and wonder what to do next”. I don’t think I unpacked for three weeks!

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    • 12

      Cass says

      I’m glad you said this! I’m 3 weeks postpartum, and when I read “unpack”, I thought about my still half-full hospital bag still sitting next to the front door. I’ve only taken out what I’ve needed in the days being back!

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      • 13

        Suzi says

        Haha! I am almost 5 weeks PP and my bub and I’s suitcases are still kicking around in my bedroom waiting to be unpacked!! I find cuddling him so much more interesting! lol

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    • 14

      Tina says

      It’s funny, because my whole thing wasn’t unpacking, but I completely forgot to pack a hospital bag to begin with. I had been putting it off for so long, and she ended up being late, so I was like oh I have time to pack. Before I know it, I was going to the hospital at 1130 at night with no bag. Had to send the hubby back to get one, and it was all the wrong things lol of course…that’s what I get.

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  4. 15

    Anita@ Losing Austin says

    My favorite one was walking through your home like a strange man in a strange land – I was expecting the rest, but feeling like my whole world had changed and I no longer recognized home was odd!

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      • 18

        Tina says

        Agreed…although when it’s first happening you get totally freaked out because you don’t know what to expect. But once they start sleeping through the night you’re like, Oh I can do this. Bring it on!

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  5. 20

    Amy says

    Yes except I didn’t have the luxury of having the baby wheeled into the room in the morning. He roomed in with me so I went home sleep deprived after five days in a hospital room that was across from the busiest nursing station in the world.

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    • 21

      Marie says

      RIGHT?! I was in the hospital three days, and felt like I was already losing my mind from sleep deprivation. It was actually a huge relief to get home and not have people barging in the room all the time.

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    • 22

      Jan says

      Oh my gosh. Me too. I was in labor for 15 hours, was awake 3 hours before that, and the nurses put him in my room as soon as he was born and just left me there. The maternity floor wasn’t even busy. The nurses were just lazy. I didn’t get any sleep for the FOUR days they made me stay.

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    • 23

      Soul says

      Oh the sleep deprivation…I had the fortunate luxury of the nursery staff taking my baby girl to the nursery at night, and bringing her to me every couple of hours for feeding.

      Oh. The sleep deprivation wasn’t caused by my daughter, no no. It was caused by the ICU nurses coming in to draw blood every four hours, medicine every three, breathing treatments every six, and blood pressure checks every hour, on the hour. And the x-rays. And that CT scan.

      I think in hindsight I would have loved to have gone home tired from being with baby all day.

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  6. 24

    Melissa says

    the first 10 minutes in the house with our daughter had a poop explosion! It was EVERYWHERE! We just cut the onesie off her it was that bad! I knew where everything was up in her room like diapers and wipes but my husband didn’t. I had it all set up in the bassinette with the little diaper holder thing and everything… so we were yelling back and forth to each other while freaking out… he finally comes out with the entire bassinette! It was hysterical! We laugh about it now, but we were in total panic with baby poop all over the place! LOL! :)

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