What to Expect The First Day Home

53 Comments

Hospital-Bassinet

Wake up to breakfast in bed provided by the hospital cafeteria.

Have the lovely nurses in the nursery wheel in your precious baby and spend the morning bonding.

Talk to the doctor, who tells you the great news: You’re being discharged today!

Panic.

Realize you left the car seat in the car.

Panic.

Send hubby to get said car seat while you are alone with the baby.

Panic.

Realize you don’t know how to work the car seat.

Panic.

Finally get the baby in the car seat only to realize that it looks like you just placed a mouse in a cage fit for an elephant.

Panic.

Say goodbye to the lovely hospital staff and thank them for all they have done.

Panic.

Get wheeled down to the car while realizing that this is it: no more pushing a button to get help when you need it.

Panic.

Get yourself, the hubby and the baby in the car.

Panic.

Drive five miles an hour on the car ride home.

Panic.

Get home and feel like a strange man in a strange land.

Panic.

Get unpacked and wonder what to do next.

Panic.

The baby cries.

Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.

Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.

Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.

Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

Panic.

Realize that you have been home for eight hours and haven’t eaten or used the bathroom.

Panic/get faint.

Decide it is time for everyone to try to go to bed and put the baby down for the night.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

Panic.

Decide that it’s finally time to call it night and… start your day.

You made it!

One day down, 18 more years to go.

Comments

  1. 1

    Astra says

    Haha! Funny, sad, true … all in one. Now the next story is when hubby goes back to work after baby is born and you truly are all alone with your baby. NEW kind of panic :)

  2. 3

    Rachael says

    You forgot to add that the in-laws will show up and insist on helping but you have no idea what you are doing, let alone how to have them help.

    • 4

      Melissa says

      LOL! Or the in-laws question EVERYTHING you and your husband are doing and think that you guys are really the new cast of “19 and pregnant” though you are 35!! And then want to stay for dinner… and oh, your brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws were invited too… and you can’t even sit down at the table because A. you had a c-section just a few days ago B. you really need to go to the bathroom but you are so backed up thanks to all the crap they pump you with in the hospital C. you have a crying baby attached to your boob and you still haven’t gotten the whole breastfeeding thing down and oh, D. you are friggin tired!!!

      • 5

        Traci says

        LOL! I remember sitting on the toilet after my first crying so hard because I didn’t want to poop but had to! No one warned me about episiotomy pain!!

        • 6

          Kelly says

          Oh yes! Everyone come on over and celebrate! Sure you can hold the baby while it sleeps and expect me to play hostess in my pajamas! Yep, as soon as the baby wakes up, I know you’ll have to leave and I’m stuck with extra mess and a screaming baby! no, I don’t need to change my soaked pad or sleep or shower! yes, I can hold my poop for a week! haha, loved all of this!

  3. 10

    Maura says

    So true! The hospital “discharged” me in the morning, and we didn’t leave until 4pm because I still hadn’t gotten my final orders from the nurse, was still waiting on the pump we rented from the lactation center, and was insistent on taking a shower. It was a very stressful day.
    One thing I would change from the sequence above is the “Get unpacked and wonder what to do next”. I don’t think I unpacked for three weeks!

    • 11

      Cass says

      I’m glad you said this! I’m 3 weeks postpartum, and when I read “unpack”, I thought about my still half-full hospital bag still sitting next to the front door. I’ve only taken out what I’ve needed in the days being back!

      • 12

        Suzi says

        Haha! I am almost 5 weeks PP and my bub and I’s suitcases are still kicking around in my bedroom waiting to be unpacked!! I find cuddling him so much more interesting! lol

  4. 13

    Anita@ Losing Austin says

    My favorite one was walking through your home like a strange man in a strange land – I was expecting the rest, but feeling like my whole world had changed and I no longer recognized home was odd!

  5. 14

    Amy @ Baby Nosh says

    My little guy’s coming any day now, and the panic is already setting in. This made me laugh.

    • 15

      Beth says

      If it’s any consolation, you’ll be just fine. Newborns are actually easier than I thought, in hind sight!

  6. 17

    Amy says

    Yes except I didn’t have the luxury of having the baby wheeled into the room in the morning. He roomed in with me so I went home sleep deprived after five days in a hospital room that was across from the busiest nursing station in the world.

    • 18

      Marie says

      RIGHT?! I was in the hospital three days, and felt like I was already losing my mind from sleep deprivation. It was actually a huge relief to get home and not have people barging in the room all the time.

  7. 19

    Melissa says

    the first 10 minutes in the house with our daughter had a poop explosion! It was EVERYWHERE! We just cut the onesie off her it was that bad! I knew where everything was up in her room like diapers and wipes but my husband didn’t. I had it all set up in the bassinette with the little diaper holder thing and everything… so we were yelling back and forth to each other while freaking out… he finally comes out with the entire bassinette! It was hysterical! We laugh about it now, but we were in total panic with baby poop all over the place! LOL! :)

  8. 21

    Beth says

    So true! I was very fortunate to have my mom, who was also a NICU nurse in her day, stay with us for three days after my son was born. She kept saying she didn’t know what she was doing there since we didn’t need her, but believe me, it was great having an old pro there. Plus she did an emergency pharmacy run when I thought my nipples were going to fall off if I nursed my son one more time.

  9. 22

    Farhana says

    Omg, this made me laugh alot! My little girl is 2 next month and it reminded me of exactly what I done when we got home!

  10. 23

    Tiffani says

    When I had my son, the nurses kept me from sleeping. Every hour someone would walk in the room to see how we were doing, make sure I was hydrated, and peeing. They were very nice but I just wanted to sleep. Four days of that made me a bit crazy.

    • 24

      HS says

      I’ll never forget that! My husband and I were so sleep deprived and delirious at the hospital, he had himself convinced they were intentionally being mean.

  11. 25

    Talia says

    Nahh, my first day home went. Feed Baby, put baby to bed, and then mommy went to bed for a solid ten hours while daddy did bottle feedings. I had a C-Section and holy shit did it suck. I was SO sore!

  12. 26

    Mama D says

    When I had my first, my crazy roommate from the hospital’s entire extended family would never go home, so I NEVER got any sleep (between them and the nurses coming in and out all the %&$% time.) I was completely exhausted before I even got home from the hospital! (and then in a mad state of panic for about four weeks!)

  13. 27

    Kristin @ What She Said says

    It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true! The fear I felt driving home from the hospital was unlike any I’ve ever known. I remember it so well – it was practically palpable. I think I cried the whole way home.

    And during my first outing four days later for my daughter’s first doctor’s visit, I was so clueless about how to work the car seat that I ended up detaching it from the base entirely. My mom had to run inside and find a stranger – a dad who’d been at this parenting thing a lot longer than me – to come out to the car and help us fix it. And I once again sat in the backseat and cried.

  14. 28

    The Next Step says

    LOL, so true, so true. I think about stuff like this when we got pregnant for the 2nd time and thought we knew what we were getting into and could handle it better. We got twins.

    I keep wondering when nature will kick in and I’ll forget all the hard parts about those first 6 months.

  15. 30

    Nagehan @ Contemporary Mother says

    Thank god my Turkish mother will be here to save me from all the insanity waiting for me after we return from the hospital.

  16. 31

    Amy (My Real Life) says

    We were released in the afternoon and when we were sitting down to dinner (which my father-in-law graciously cooked and brought over) I sat at the table and cried and cried and cried. I had no idea what I was doing. My poor father-in-law and husband thought I had lost my mind, but they gave me 30 minutes to cry, I got it out and moved on. 12 years and 4 kids later, I’ve learned that every time I think I have this parenting thing down, they throw me a new curveball. It’s a delicious kinda crazy.

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