App developers of the world are fantastic at building social networking communities for singles, selfies and now stoners.
But isn’t it time we had an app of our own? A place where we moms could gather, or better yet, find each other—from the good-time mom you need on a bad day to the like-minded mom you need when everyone around you seems hopelessly out of touch.
I call it a “Tinder of One’s Own,” and here are the moms I would swipe right for, and then some:
The ‘Evil Thought’ Mom
You’ve been sitting on a soggy stadium chair for an hour and a half, and it’s only the bottom of the first inning. You wish they would pull the kid who’s pitching. Except that kid is your kid. You need the mom who will laugh when you confess your deepest, darkest, “I feel like a terrible person and a worse mom” thoughts, like your desire to start the “We need a pitcher, not a belly-itcher” chant against your own son.
The ‘Dressed Like Me’ Mom
You’ve arrived at school drop-off. The skinny mom posse is to your left, and they’re all dressed in tennis whites. The power-career moms are on your right wearing stylish suits and carrying killer handbags. The PTA moms are dead ahead, yoga pants, again. You need the somewhat employed, somewhat not, white T-shirt and Vans-wearing mom with the perfect pair of ripped jeans to make you feel like you belong.
The ‘Potty-Mouth’ Mom
Every now and then, you need to hang out with that mom, the one who swears with reckless abandon, who F-bombs her way through stories about her husband, her kids, the art teacher, what have you. Since you’re having a bit of a fucking day, you could use someone who understands.
The ‘Killer Girls’-Night-Out’ Mom
You would kill for a girls’ night out that doesn’t involve buying Tupperware or joining a book club. You need the mom who doesn’t just know where the party is, she knows where the party with the Poison cover band is, the $2 shots and the seedy bathrooms—and can whip up a crowd of moms and a fleet of Uber cars to take you there.
The ‘Drop Everything’ Mom
Your husband thinks you’re crazy. Your mother tells you to relax. But maybe your daughter is having a hard time making friends. Or your son seems distant and withdrawn. You have this feeling you’ve been keeping to yourself, a feeling that something is wrong, but you’re afraid to even think it, let alone say it. You need the mom who shows up with hot coffee and kind eyes, and is ready to listen when you’re ready to talk.
The ‘Master Chef’ Mom
You’re having your in-laws for dinner. Your daughter’s Girl Scout troop is coming over to work on their baking badge. You’re hosting a baby shower, and the theme is Mexican. You need the mom who can tell you how to whip up brownies in 30 minutes with five ingredients from your pantry and who can plan a menu and execute a dinner party with the best of them—and have fun while doing it.
The ‘I Knew You When’ Mom
You don’t talk often. You live a few towns away. But sometimes that feeling creeps up, the one that makes you wonder what the hell you’re really doing with your life. You need the mom who knew you back before it all started, before the kids and careers and the husbands, back when all you needed to figure it out was half a pack of Marlboro Lights, a Blind Melon CD and a long drive.