Why does your vagina have hair? (And other burning questions from my three year old…)

Why Boy

Mommy, why does your vagina have hair?

Mommy, why is your tummy so big if there’s no baby in there?

Mommy, why can’t I stay up all night?

Mommy, why do I have the hiccups?

Mommy, why are there tiny dots on your nose?

Mommy, why can’t I climb on the cabinets?

Mommy, why don’t you like Sponge Bob?

Mommy, why can’t I have cookies for breakfast?

Mommy, why do I have to wash my hands?

Mommy, why are there lines on your forehead?

Mommy, why can’t I sleep in your bed?

Mommy, why does your tushy jiggle when you walk?

Mommy, why don’t you stand up to pee?

Mommy, why do I have to go to school?

Mommy, why can’t I have Goldfish for dinner?

Mommy, why are your legs so prickly?

Mommy, why do I have to brush my teeth?

Mommy, why don’t you have a penis?

Mommy, why do I keep asking why?

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)


Tegan-Mae 2 years ago

My little boy said to me yesterday “why don’t you have a dingly dangly dongly like me and daddy and why do you have two bum bums”

Angel 4 years ago

Just after I gave birth to my twin girls, my 4 year old boy sat on the bed expectantly, hands placed neatly in his lap and every few minutes lifting up the covers and looking. He did this for a while as I was busy nursing the twins but then I asked him what he was doing and he said, “I’m waiting for my twin boys to come out…”

Yes, kids do say the funniest things. :)

Tori 4 years ago

These are good… Especially the public ones. We were in the bathroom after my last son was born and my daughter asked, in her loud outside voice, “mama, why are you wearing a diaper?” Yeah, I heard the chuckles too. Her other one is to tell me “I’m never gonna have hair in my ‘gina, it’s gross.”

Sheila 4 years ago

Oh, yes! Kids sure know how to ask the most difficult questions. Where do they get their questions? I’m always amazed at what comes out of their mouths. They’re hilarious! Why Boy’s really cute!

Nadia 4 years ago

When I was very pregnant last year, my friend’s 4-year-old son asked me “how do you get the baby out?” How do you answer that one! His mom said that I’m going to go to the hospital to sneeze it out.
If only it was that easy…

Jen 4 years ago

Sadly, my semester started today at IU and naturally I am not paying attention to my professor. I am literally crying in class trying to muffle my giggles while the people around me are glancing in my direction wondering what is wrong with me.

I just can’t wait until my 18 month old starts asking these questions.

Debbie McCormick 4 years ago

My kids ask me questions all day long. I’m starting to cringe every time I hear, “Mommy…
My 5 year old girl was in a bathroom stall with me a couple weeks ago and loudly asked why I have a beard down there. (Oh yes, I heard several snickers from under the other stalls.)

jill 4 years ago

I love these questions! Part of me can’t wait to hear more from my own kids… the majority of me… not so much. 😉 I wonder often about the hairy vagina part in my life! lol I have 2 boys (age 3 & 1), and for so many reasons, it is unavoidable (them seeing me naked) at this point. I asked my therapist if I would be scarring them if it didn’t stop soon!!! =) Luckily, he said, so long as you don’t care, they won’t care. whew!

Practicing Mama 4 years ago

As I sit with my Hurricane cocktail and my laptop waiting to see just what Hurricane Irene is gonna do, this post had me laughing my ass off. Thanks for a little levity on this long day cooped up inside with a 4 and 2 year old!

P.S. Congrats on getting such a complimentary shout-out recently in “The Baltimore Sun”!

Not Supermom 4 years ago

The Boy Child is 7, and reading Magic Treehouse Books. He was telling me all about one character, who was very pretty.

“Prettier than you, Mommy.”

Thanks, kid.

Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him 4 years ago

I’m guessing those moms who wax it all off don’t get that question. I’m still not booking a salon appt.

So funny.

Tricia 4 years ago

My nephew who is 3 was watching his younger baby girl cousin get a daioer change one day. He looked all concerned and then turned to my mother-in-law and said” Nama, why her got two butts?!” I died laughing.

My daughter just asked me the hair question last week. I also got a poke down there as if I didn’t know where she meant. Crazy kid.

Penny 4 years ago

The comments on this post are cracking me up, I just LOL’ed in real life and spit soda all over my screen.

Darn kids.

Paula @ thewilyweez 4 years ago

The day after I had my youngest son my 6 year old came to the hospital took one look at me and asked why I still looked pregnant if I already had the baby. He’s a confidence booster that one!

Humanmama 4 years ago

What about “mommy, can I see your nipples?” I just wrote about it last night…ah, children. Love it!

Truthful Mommy 4 years ago

I think your son and my 4 year old daughter are twins!If she asks me why one more time,Im going to freak the freak out! OOPS, that wasn’t in confessional form!LOL

The Flying Chalupa 4 years ago

I’m so glad my son has not discovered Sponge Bob yet. That is one fucking annoying sea creature.

As for prickly legs, prickly is the new cashmere. Winter’s coming up.

Jack@TheJackB 4 years ago

You haven’t lived until your daughter asks if your penis does tricks, is it fun to play with and how big does it get.

All these came courtesy of “observing” her older brother.

The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful 4 years ago

My personal favorite is my daughter sitting in the bathtub with me when she was three and saying: “Why do your sacks hang down?” while she clutched a breast and boinged it side to side. I replied, “Because YOU sucked the life out of them, converting them from breasts to sacks in which I cannot even pack his luggage for trips to take the healing waters in Gstaad.”

mommy23girls 4 years ago

Yep, kids say the darndest ( sp?) things. Take a shower and there they are looking, pointing and asking these wonerful questions! At least we are not alone and it is not only my kids that ask ! How about my child that pulls a tampon from my purse and waves it around in a restaurant yelling, what’s this??? …..sigh

    mommy23girls 4 years ago


MMS 4 years ago

When my 10 yr old was very little, she used to ask me why daddy had a “tail” like Eeoyre…….She also wanted to know when her “nibbles” (aka nipples) would get big, like mine……
She is still quite the curious child, much to my 13 yo daughter’s dismay……

Seriously Sassy Mama 4 years ago

Nini, why do you have lines on your face?
Nini, why are you old?
Mommy, are you having another baby because your belly is big.

I love this post. I love that your three year old uses the work vagina.

Kelly 4 years ago

Haha! So glad to be out of *that* “why?” stage…but now into a new one..

“Why can’t I stay out as late as my friends?”
“Why can’t I have the keys to the car?”
“Why do you HAVE to LOVE ME SO MUCH?!”

Jennifer 4 years ago

I want my children to be curious. With other people. The questioning at my house is intense.

Toni 4 years ago

This Post is hilarious!
My twins had so many why questions I thought my head was going to explode.
I can recall when my 3 year old son, asked why his twin brothers privates were so “ugly” and looked like a worm and that his didn’t.
Yes, you guessed it, my amatuer doctor, totally butchered their privates and didn’t not remove enough skin so they still looked uncircumcised. Uh the horror. They had to go through a very painful procedure at 5 months old to correct it because it was beginning to cause problems because of the rubbing in their diaper.

But, My 3 boys never asked odd question about mommys privates. I taught them that ebing naked is not bad or shameful. So they are pretty comfortable. But now they are teens and they cover up quickly. Its not proper for us to walk around in the nude now that they have went through puberty. Ehh.
Oh boy the things that i see……

HAVE a great day! SCARY MOMMY, YOUR BLOG absolutely rocks.
Sorry so long! :)

Megan (Best of Fates) 4 years ago

He raises a fantastic point – why *can’t* he have goldfish for dinner? They’re all the joy of eating tiny fish with the additional introduction to cheese addiction.

firecracker’s mom 4 years ago

mommy, why don’t you feed the baby kittens milk from your boobies?
mommy, can i hang on to the side of the car while i ride my scooter and you drive down the road?
mommy, will my penis be huge like daddy’s? I hope mine doesn’t have hair. (one day, he will realize that his daddy’s isn’t THAT huge.)
mommy, what is that green stuff that looks like grass that “aunt____” put in the paper and smoked like a cigarette when I was at her house? (that ended up being a problem)

Odd Dad 4 years ago

We have no shame at our house. We explained early on why mommies have vaginas and daddies have penises. We walk around the house naked and leave the bathroom door open. There’s no privacy in our house. And any why questions are answered truthfully. “Why is the sky blue?” Because in the spectrum of light, blue refracts at 400 angstroms when it hits the earth’s atmosphere. Of course, then come all the other questions: What’s the atmosphere? What are angstroms? What’s the spectrum of light? We still try to answer them all as best as we can.

From Belgium 4 years ago

The first time my eldest saw her father come out of the shower she burst out laughing and pointed to a certain area ‘what is that stupid thing?’ It took me a full 15 minutes to stop laughing…

    Callie 4 years ago

    That would have had me on the flooring rolling in seconds…and I would’ve been there laughing all night.

OHN 4 years ago

My nephews little boy (around age 3) was getting a bath by dad they were having a little father son chat about body parts. When he was told that ladies don’t have penises he looked at his dad in disbelief. He then asked if his mom had one (surely SHE would have one), when dad told him no, his instant reaction was “NO? Lets go check it out”. Surprisingly mom wasn’t available for inspection.

Lynn from For Love or Funny 4 years ago

So funny, Jill!

Cate 4 years ago

These questions remind me of shopping with some of my 8 kids. At the grocery as we pass the ‘feminine hygiene’ products
(where are the male hygiene products?-that’s another topic)
anyhoo… got sidetracked
they loved to ask loudly “Do you need any mommy diapers?”
luckily now I can reply back
“NO, thank you, Mommy had her uterus removed!”

Erica 4 years ago

I’m just happy to see from all of these comments that pubic hair– AKA, the “mustache down there” (priceless)– is making a comeback among the mommy set– or maybe that’s because most of us never got onto the waxing wagon in the first place?

JulieBouf 4 years ago

When Katie was just about 4 she took a shower with my mom on vacation and wanted to know why my mom had “poop” all over her down there.

Liz 4 years ago

“Momma! Why do you have skeeter bites on your face?” as she points to my zits.

Twinisms 4 years ago

“Mommy, why is your stomach all crumply?”

“Because of you.”

Sharon {Grumpy, Sleepy, and Bashful} 4 years ago

My oldest son (age 4 at the time) said, when I told him he was going to have a new baby sister (baby brother was about 12 months old): “Yeah, and then we can give my baby brother to another family that doesn’t have a baby. And, then we’ll have a new baby.”

And, after the baby girl was born: “Mommy do you have another baby in your tummy?”

Love that kid.

tracy 4 years ago

HA! Yes, why don’t you like SpongeBob????

Dr. G 4 years ago

Oh! I have a great solution. Have other kids around because then they answer before you even get a chance. Example: back when I only had 3 sons, the middle age 3 asked (as I was getting dressed), “Mommy, WHY don’t you have a penis?” The eldest, age 5, answered immediately: “Because if she had a penis, we’d all still be stuck inside her belly!”

Tracie 4 years ago

The why questions are a special part of motherhood that you really can’t be prepared enough to deal with.

Skye Diaz | motherhood, etc. 4 years ago

Great, is this what I can look forward to?! Why why why???? LOL! btw, what was your answer to the first question? And how often does he see your vagina to have him so curious? LOL

Anthony from CharismaticKid 4 years ago

Jillian, I want ot know your answers to these burning questions.

What do you say to him? Maybe we can get a video interview of you two.

Life with Kaishon 4 years ago

Ha Ha HA! He is so flippin’ cute.

dysfunctional mom 4 years ago

My 10 & 11 year olds STILL ask ‘why’ questions all the time. I tell them to Google it.

    LynnZ 4 years ago

    Me too!

      Cecilia from ParentingControversy 4 years ago

      Google is ever so helpful in answering hairy questions…
      Google the word “hairy” and see what comes up in the top 3 results.

        Odd Dad 4 years ago

        I did this. I wish I hadn’t.

Natalie @ MamaTrack 4 years ago

Last week, I talked about what I’d like to say in response to my two-year old’s statements. Things like, “You run like a dinosaur, Mama” or “Please give me some privacy” or “You have a big belly, Mama.”

Seriously. He said these things.

Melissa 4 years ago

My 3year old to me (after he walked in on me changing): “Mommy, can I smack your boobies?”
ME: “NO”
Him: “Why not?”
ME: “Because it would hurt and that is my private area”
Him: *****SMACK*****
ME: “Ouch, that hurt”
Him: “No, it was fun!”

Lord help me raise this crazy boy………..

Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation 4 years ago

Ha! Love these! I just got from my 4 year old…

“Mommy, why is your armpit crunchy?”

Apparently I needed shave.

Clueless Mom (@parentingsmh) 4 years ago

I love it. My 3 yr old sounds the exact same way. Hell, he asks follow up questions before he even gets answers. Not to mention the questions that make me have to Google.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    Oh, yes. Nothing like those to make you feel smart.

Sadie 4 years ago

My son used to ask me when my penis fell off. assuming that because I didn’t have a visible one, that it must have shriveled up and fallen off at some point.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    That made me laugh out loud. Makes total sense.

    Ami Acheson 4 years ago

    Actually, this is very common in young boys. Make sure you answer him and even if they don’t ask, they worry about losing their penis. That’s why it’s very important to have conversations very early on with little boys about the differences. Make sure you emphasize that everyone is born one way or the other and that it takes a lot of money and hormone pills later in life to become one or the other. Otherwise, they could be agonizing when their own penis will fall off which causes quite a bit of emotional distress (as I’m sure you can imagine).

Julie McGuire 4 years ago

I remember those days. My heart goes to Nicolette. I agree, thank you for the reminder that what we often take for granted would be a blessing to many.


nicolette @ momnivore’s dilemma 4 years ago

reading posts like this makes me want to cry. my soon to be 4 year old has never asked a question. autism sucks.

to all the parents out there with kids annoying the crap out of you at Target for a toy or asking why 5,000 times.

be grateful.

    April 4 years ago

    Nicolette, thanks for the reminder. Sorry you can’t be annoyed too. Autism does suck!

      nicolette @ momnivore’s dilemma 4 years ago

      I can’t wait til I can tell my son to shut the “f” up…lol..

        Scary Mommy 4 years ago

        I do love the questions like these.

        And, you guys with added challenges like that amaze me. Truly. XO

    Erica 4 years ago

    Me too, for the same reason, Nicolette. Still, this is pretty damn funny!

      JulieBouf 4 years ago

      Nicolette, I think our special “why” moments can also come in the form of…Katie – why do you have to roll around on the floor like you are starring in The Exorcism just because your therapist wants you to wear socks?

    Amy 4 years ago

    I understand. I have a 4 yr old son with Autism, and wouldn’t know the hilarity of these questions personally. I don’t cry when I read posts like these anymore (usually). But I do still catch myself looking at friends & other moms with perfectly healthy, “normal” children & wonder what that must be like.

Tamie 4 years ago

Love that Evan!

Stef 4 years ago

Why has MY son never asked me any of these questions? The only question I really get asked is, “Why can’t I have ice-cream after dinner anymore?” I wonder.. Says the 24 year old mother who’s found grey hairs because she thought that ice-cream was a feasible dessert.

Gigi 4 years ago


Thank you for reminding me to get on my knees and thank God that this stage has passed…..

Oh wait….it hasn’t. The questions just get harder…..

Jennifer@HipAsIWannaBe 4 years ago

OMFG that is awesome. Wish I could tell you it ends there but sadly the other day my son asked me what a boner was. That was about ten minutes after he informed me that men had “spurn” which they used to make babies. Yeah. He is 10.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    Eeek. So not looking forward to those.

Susan 4 years ago

This made me laugh as my 3.5yr old asks the same questions over and over and over again! Thank you for the endless laughs!

Julia’s Child 4 years ago

I clearly recall that the “Whys” kicked in right at age 3. But my 6yo is still going strong with “why.” By bedtime, I’m tired of answering queries.

Jane Quick 4 years ago

My Miss 4 likes to ask ‘Mummy did you forget to put your boobies (my bra) on today?’

Callie 4 years ago

My little guy isn’t asking many questions yet…but I got some interesting ones from my preschoolers:
“Mrs. Y, why is your tummy so big?”
“Mrs. Y, why are your arms so hairy?”
Pointing to a mole on my upper arm with a few hairs on it, “Mrs. Y, is that a spider on your arm?”

I’m sure there’s more…but I am so ready for bed, my brain is getting fuzzy.

    Scary Mommy 4 years ago

    Oh, yes, my birthmarks are a source of endless curiosity.

      Callie 4 years ago

      I think it’s paybacks for harassing my mom about her birthmarks and moles….and that one time in line at the grocery store I pointed to a woman with a HUGE mole on her face and asked, “What’s wrong with her face?” Apparently I mortified my mother.

Marla 4 years ago

A friend of mine’s son asked his mom (in front of company) why she ‘had a mustache down there’.

nikki 4 years ago

I am just happy to see someone else’s child using the proper terms (penis and vagina) my 3 year old asked me how a baby comes out (i was watching a baby story) and i told him out of a vagina. when i told my mom i told him that she couldn’t believe it. i was like “im not lying to the boy”

    Kat (@kathym425) 4 years ago

    I agree with you. It drives me crazy when I see parents teach their kids cutesy names for their body parts. It’s disrespectful to their intelligence. Teach them the proper word and how to use it

    All of the questions get to be a bit much sometimes but we have to answer as honestly as we can even if we have to say “I don’t know”. We owe it to them.

Elizabeth Flora Ross 4 years ago

OMG this left me in tears! SO funny! And true. My 2.5 yo daughter loves to point out that I have hair on my “whoo whoo.” She thinks it is hysterical. She is also astute enough to note that my nipples are bigger than hers. LOL She also enjoys pointing out the moles on my face.

She hasn’t asked Why yet, but she also has a speech disorder. I’m sure it’s coming…

Vanessa 4 years ago

LOL oh the questions! My kids are full of them it freaks me out because a lot of times I really do not know how to answer them so I just say, you guys ask too many questions! That is soo wrong but what can I do?

Nicole {at} Modern Style Mama 4 years ago

Being a mom to four boys…my favorite question of them all is…
Mommy, why does your vagina have hair?

My top three questions so far have been
“Mommy, why is your penis so small?”
“Mommy do girls have their penis cut off when they are born?”
“Mommy do you pee out of your butt?”

Elizabeth Cunningham 4 years ago

My 4 and 1/2 year old son asks me why I don’t have a penis and then asks to see what I have…crazy boy!!

    Jane Filmore 2 years ago

    We are in the middle of potty training my 3 year old son. He has been trying to get a “look” at me when I pee. He had mentioned the “beard” down there before. He asked me how I pee. I told him that boys and girls are different. And that boys have a pee pee and girls don’t. He then asked to see my pee pee. I know my son and I did not want him to go asking other people to see theirs so I just stood up quickly and showed him, nothing more than what he has already seen when I am changing quickly. Was I wrong? He seemed satisfied. I then told him that it was not ok to ask to see others’ pee pees or to show his to anyone who is not mommy or daddy or the doctor. Does that seem ok? I’m now second guessing my decision and feeling like some kind of horrible mom.

jacqui 4 years ago

When will you be posting the answers to these questions? Because I’ve also been wondering why I can’t have goldfish for dinner and why your legs are so prickly.

Jessie 4 years ago

my son doesn’t grasp the concept of ‘why’ yet…

Brandy 4 years ago

Oh man I laughed too hard at this one … but yes we get lots of the same questions here as well lol.

Lady Estrogen 4 years ago

I haven’t got to the endless questions yet, but they will point to my boob/stomach area (which pretty much morphs into 1 giant area, let’s face it) and just keep pointing and starring and yelling MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY – I think it’s a mixture of fascination and horror.

Suzanne 4 years ago

HA! Some of those are really good questions – why CAN’T we all have cookies for breakfast?

When I was about 3 1/2, my mother took me into a public bathroom with her at a busy rest stop. After she helped me pee, it was her turn. As soon as she pulled down her pants I shouted “MOMMY! WHY ISYOUR BOTTOM IS ALL HAIRY????” at the top of my voice. I’m unsure if she’s ever forgiven me.

    gullu 11 months ago

    I want to see your puss

Alison@Mama Wants This 4 years ago

At least he has the correct names of your privates assigned to the correct gender.

I do like the last question. Anyone have an answer to that?


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