5 Reasons Why Moms Shouldn’t Take Sex Advice From Magazines

117 Comments

4340-girl-in-love-800x600

Many women’s magazines have a “Mom” version of the “How To Have Better Sex” article. Usually, the titles alone make me feel like I should keep an extinguisher by the bed, along with a bucket of cold water to douse on myself and my partner when we begin to spontaneously combust from sheer passion: “How to Keep Your Love Life Hot and Your Sex Life in Flames.” “10 Ways to Reignite Your Marriage.” “How To Turn Up the Heat In the Bedroom, Without Singeing the Sheets.” (Oh, I like that last one)

Seriously, can we disband the sex myths propagated by magazines, and have a little straight talk here?

Let me break it to you (in case you haven’t figured it out already), sex after kids is often not so hot — or even often, for that matter. That said, here’s what I think about the most common tips given to moms through sex advice in magazines…

1. Don’t Forget the Foreplay. Multitasking Mom Response: Really? Really? As it is, I have to have sex while catching up on my Tivo’d shows, reading US Weekly, having a healthy protein snack, and repeating the words, “lettuce, milk, eggs” over and over until I can get to a pen. Now I have to add something else to my repertoire?
Look writers, we forgot the foreplay a long time ago. Well, my husband didn’t, he calls it brushing his teeth, which I am beyond thankful for..

2. Set the Mood (You know, candles, aromatic massage oils and sexy lingerie?) Brutal Honesty Response: Are we still taking time to set the mood? I mean, isn’t that what got us here in the first place? Listen, if there’s no lingering gas odor in the room and you’re in an old t-shirt without any holes, I say you’re as sexy as you need to get. Work your dimmer switch and voila… ambiance. Better yet, utilize the TV as a source of beautiful ambient light. If you can get the volume to an audible level, you can work in sex without giving up Real Housewives. It’s called multitasking, something we moms are all too familiar with.

As for a massage, I’m lucky if I don’t get one of my kids’ leftover Doritos corners embedded in my thigh. When I ask my husband to flick it out and slide the remaining crumbs off my tush like sand paper, does that count as a massage? Well, arguably, it’s more like an exfoliation, but it’s undeniably hot.

3. Have a Date Night Every Week. Reality Check Response: I love this one, because in theory it’s a legitimately good idea. It’s definitely worth trying every week, but unfortunately, it assumes that there will be a night each week when no one is sick or has an event/activity. It also assumes that on that same night there will be a babysitter or grandparent available, and neither you nor your hubby are too tired to go to dinner — a meal where much of your conversation will inevitably revolve around the kids.

4. Time Your Trysts Around Nap-Time. Realistic and Yes, Snarky Response: Everyone knows that there’s nothing women like more, when trying to have an orgasm, than the sense of pressure that time constraints puts on the experience. It’s like telling moms to ‘sleep when the baby sleeps,’ we’d love to do it, but it ain’t gonna happen!

5. Start Your Day With a Bang (Set your alarm an hour earlier and have an uninterrupted top-o-the-morning.) Bitchy Uncensored Response: First of all, what ambitious sex-perts think an entire hour is necessary? Nine minutes would do the trick and still, I’m not down with that idea. Do you know what I like to do before I wake up in the morning? SLEEP! In fact, THE ONLY THING I BANG IN THE MORNING IS THE SNOOZE BUTTON! Yep, I’m not even willing to bang that button one less time!

OK Mommas, do yourselves a favor, throw out those, “spice it up” pieces and “top 10 lists,” and pick quality over quantity. Or at least do it enough that you don’t end up in couples therapy.

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 1

    Elizabeth says

    Love this!! So True. 1 Toddler & 1 baby later and Foreplay really does equal brushed teeth (maybe mouthwash too)! Setting the mood? Hmm, that would be taking off our shirts… instead of the usual quick dropping of the lower half coverings. Date Night every week?! HA! Once a month is tough to pull off. Naptime Nookie? Yes. However, that timeline pressure and “shhh, don’t wake the baby” shit makes it much less fun for one of us (me – can we say, taking one for the team here?) AND I completely agree… there is no way in HELL that I would wake up a fragment of a moment earlier than I have to in order to have sex. No F-ing way.

    Show Replies
      • 3

        Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

        I would agree and it makes me crazy that we’re dressed on top, yet not crazy enough to move my arms the amount it would take to get my shirt off.

        Show Replies
    • 4

      Mike says

      Well, I’m going to step in and provide you fine ladies with one man’s perspective. My wife and I have two kids, 6 and 8, and we went through a very dry spell for several years while the kids were toddlers. We have improved marginally since then, but our sex life is still not much more than once per month.

      Now, I fully realize that this article was written as a humorous commentary; however, I also feel that we joke about the things that concern us. If the humor didn’t strike close to home, then it wouldn’t be as funny to us readers and there wouldn’t be so many comments posted.

      I find it interesting that the first 2 ‘tips’ in the article both revolved around the importance of television, and trying to find time for intimacy without missing your favorite shows . From my perspective, it appears that television is equally as important as being intimate with hubby, if not more so. (Which do you do more often?) Now for my humorous, snarky sarcastic comment: I guess the TV will still be there for you when your man leaves to seek a reasonable amount of attention and companionship. For my wife and I, the TV is not a problem – neither of us watches it. Our problem, which runs parallel to the TV vs. intimacy issue, is her dedication to reading: books of all sorts. Every night without fail. It makes me feel as though I am about 29 times less important than the words printed on the paper. I think that the knowledge she is gaining through reading is wonderful, but she is doing it to the point that I feel that the books are more important to her than our relationship. What do YOU dedicate your time and energy to that makes your man feel second or third most important in your life? (besides the kids – I understand that one completely – they are the priority for both my wife and I). What habits do you have that could be throttled back a bit in order to shift some of your time and energy to your soulmate? Which is more important to you?

      I agree with the closing paragraph of the article – and challenge you to find a way to have both sufficient quality and quantity. Because the last sentence of the article is the likely next step if you don’t.

      Show Replies
      • 5

        Chrissy says

        You sound just like my husband, Mike. I decided long ago that he was right and I was putting things like my reading before our time together. It took years for me to realize that I was hurting his feelings with a thing I liked that I could do at another time.

        Show Replies
      • 7

        Jen says

        Gimme a break
        Do you give up watching football or playing golf for some nookie time?
        (Insert whatever manly thing you like to do if you don’t do those things)
        Women need downtime too besides hump time
        Or better yet help out more and therefore get more?
        Goes both ways dude
        Nothing makes me hotter than seeing my Hubby washing some dishes

        Show Replies
        • 8

          SR says

          And nothing makes my Hubby want to put me first more than my giving it to him twice a week. We have 3 kids under age 4 and we’re expecting #4 soon, so I have all the same excuses too. But all you really need is a toothbrush and 15 minutes – and it relaxes both of us and keeps us smiling. Saying “goes both ways” and thinking “what is HE giving up for ME” is essentially keeping score. Do you really think that’s going to make you happy in your marriage? (If it does then by all means, continue)

          Show Replies
          • 9

            zumpie says

            I don’t think that’s what she meant at all and I happen to agree, this idea of a wife taking time for herself and pursuing her own interests means she doesn’t care about her husband is bull. There’s an awful lot of male entitlement and Phyllis Schlafly going on here.

            As noted in other spots here—married for 20 years, together for 22. And yeah I’ve met plenty of couple who talked about how they “did it all the time”. They’re all divorced now

            Show Replies
      • 10

        Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

        Mike I’m glad you liked SOME of the piece, what can I tell you, there’s nothing more calming than a dramatic turn on Vanderpump Rules!

        Show Replies
      • 11

        not stiffed enough says

        That gives both ways Mike. My husband finds his online gaming more important than coming to bed with his wife, who would gladly throw in foreplay AND sex more than once a week. I get a peck on the cheek and sent to bed like a good girl instead of quality time. So before you get too snarky about the females multitasking remember that you men pass up many chances to ‘keep the fire lit’. I won’t give up my sleep in the wee hours but when He isn’t working he could, and maybe join in the shower for that quicky. Just saying!!

        Show Replies
  2. 16

    Lorrie says

    While I find this hysterical and too true, this was me after 3 kids, I am going through a horrible divorce. Besides the fact that my soon to be EX was a huge ass, my ideas about sex with kids were exactly the same. Him not so much, while I do think some of the magazine’s ideas are cliche and almost impossible, I will tell you from experience if you don’t make time for some of these suggestions, most men will find them elseware. So if you want your marriage to work, you have to make time for more than 10 minutes of sex.

    Show Replies
    • 17

      zumpie says

      Actually, if a guy’s a cheater—he’s a cheater. Or it’s a sign of something even deeper than not enough sex in the marriage.

      My friend is the much younger (like 30 years) wife #3 of a guy who’s kinda a jerk. She’s also gorgeous, him not so much. No he isn’t rich (try flat broke), either.

      Anyway, she arrived home to tell him she was preggers to him almost cheating with someone who was sort of her friend. He was able to explain it away, and ignoring everyone’s advice, they worked it out (which is their choice and business).

      I’ve met plenty of women whose husbands cheated on them despite there being no children in the marriage, and their sex life overall being fine. Typically infidelity is less about lack of sex and more about other issues (with the individual or the marriage itself).

      Show Replies
      • 18

        SR says

        In general I agree but I don’t think the above scenario is exactly “typical”. Unfortunately even a wonderful, sweet man will be likely to stray (even if just emotionally) if your sex life goes down the tubes. For men sex is not “just sex”, it’s the way they connect with us, express love and feel close to us. For men it’s the lifeblood of a marriage in ways that us women will never fully understand.

        Show Replies
        • 19

          zumpie says

          Actually—those would be more ladies’ reasons for straying. Any therapist will tell you men do stray over sex, but it’s more them than you.

          Men stray because 1) humans aren’t really hard wired to be lifetime monagamous (civilization has just drilled it into us—-and that’s why 50% of marriages end in divorce and dudes in other (and older) cultures just cheat like crazy). 2) Madonna/whore complex plays BIG here. They really might not BE as into you after you’ve become a mommy. 3) Thrill of the chase/adrenalin rush—-which they most assuredly get from cheating…..no matter how hard you try to be the good available wifey.

          Mind you, I’m a mom and we just celebrating our 20th anniversary, but there’s a lot of mythology and men who cheat, are cheaters—and in all likelihood it ISN’T the wife’s fault.

          Show Replies
          • 20

            Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

            I agree, I don’t really think my hubs would cheat. Shit, did I put that in writing? OK now I have to watch my back and the fact that I’ve admitted to not much quantity in this piece, I may be screwed. Well, maybe the next girl will pick up some of the slack!

            Show Replies
  3. 24

    Lisa Poltz says

    If one more person tells me I need a “date night” I will punch them square in the face. Thank you for the laugh!

    I’ve also heard this one, wake your husband up at 2 or 3 in the morning to mess around. Are you kidding??? I’m lucky to get 6 hrs a night’s sleep. I’m deep in REM stage at the hour. I have better dreams than sex!

    Show Replies
    • 25

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

      At that point I’m having sex with Brad Pitt, and since I’m not Angelina Jolie (well, that’s what I hear), I prefer to stay asleep as well!

      Show Replies
  4. 26

    Kelly says

    Ha. Ha. Set my alarm an hour earlier. I already get up at 5:30am. And there is usually a kid on our floor ready to wake up at the first sign of movement or, even better, between us in bed. And we both work full-time, so naptime is during daycare hours… Wouldn’t it be nice if we all stayed home all day and slept in enough to get up an hour early! I guess we’ll have to settle for a quickie on the weekend in some random place in the house!

    Show Replies
    • 27

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

      Please, we’ve tried my closet… which is not a walkin. JK, it’s a walkin, but kind or a sidle in. Needless to say it ended in laughter!

      Show Replies
    • 28

      says

      This is my husband and I’s situation. We have a three year old cosleeping with us so as soon as alarm sounds he is wide awake no matter what time it is. he never naps ever and we have to find secret hiding places to have sex while he looks for us and usually no clothes come off just moved out of the way to much time taking off clothes means he finds us and we loose the moment

      Show Replies
  5. 30

    MILF Runner says

    A sitter for our numerous kids in our neck of the woods is $20/hr. We could do a date night walk around the block with a quickie in the car parked in the driveway. Anything else is breaking the bank. KWIM? That said, I’m finally in a place where the other things get a “hmmmm, that might work” – only because our youngest is finally in school part time and I get a bit of a break from the constant demands of days past.

    Show Replies
    • 31

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

      You did see that I tried the closet correct… kids were home… it did not work. But I think everyone should get an A for effort. Just like when I try to cook!

      Show Replies
  6. 34

    Tiffany says

    I remember the newly wed days. The days when inevitable I made sure we were ready for work with a half hour to spare since it was a challenge to not undress on our way out the door! Three kids, one being autistic later and sex was more something that I was lucky to happen once a week. Kids bedtime routine started at 7, and they were asleep by 8:30 if I was lucky. However, it was kinda fun to be playing around a la teenager days to make sure the kids didn’t wake up!

    Show Replies
    • 35

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

      It’s like a game “how much can we get away with before we scare someone into therapy for life?” everyone’s playing it. XO

      Show Replies
  7. 39

    Overly Opinionated Mommy says

    while I can understand some of this when you have multiple children (3 or more) I don’t understand women that are this way with 1 or 2 children. I mean obviously if women act this way then their husbands don’t want to have sex with them. Maybe this top 5 list is the reasons why 60% of men cheat on their wives. I was ready to have sex with my husband 2 weeks after DS was born, I didn’t because I knew my lady parts weren’t ready. I guess I’m just one of those few women that actually enjoys having sex and being intimate with her husband and feels that intimacy is an important part of a relationship.

    Show Replies
    • 40

      Nicole(Whole Strides) says

      I’m glad you enjoy having sex. But it’s not women’s fault that men cheat. It’s insulting for you to say so. And let’s not forget, women cheat, too. Even ones whose husbands have sex with them.

      Show Replies
      • 41

        zumpie says

        Couldn’t possibly agree more (see my reply about cheating above). We only have one child, but when she was an infant, I worked an extremely demanding job that sometimes entailed 14 hour, incredibly hectic days—-and we were on opposite shifts.

        Show Replies
    • 42

      Beth says

      I only have one child and work full time so between that and keeping my house form looking like absolute shit, yeah sex is one of the last things on my mind. I make an effort to do it once a week with my husband, and I usually enjoy it. You are clearly one of the lucky ones (as is your husband). There are quite a few research studies that indicate that women have sexual dysfunction that can’t be cured with a little pill.

      Show Replies
      • 43

        Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

        Beth- If only I could invent sex cleaning I think most of our sex lives would be better. I just have to figure out who holds the vacuum?!?

        Show Replies
  8. 45

    Maddie says

    While well written I found this really really sad… I see way to many woman give up on offering any attention to their husbands during the years with young kids and then act totally gob-smacked that he went looking for some love and attention somewhere else.

    The little kid years are hard.. I know I had 6 kids, we co-slept with them and I nursed them all for 2-3 years EACH.. I KNOW how hard parenting is but it is a hell of a lot harder with a grumpy husband or one who leaves all together.

    Sex is still possible as parents.. just have to be willing to make it happen.. the cool thing is if you do.. you will have a better and stronger marriage for your efforts.. not to mention that the more you do it the more you will want to do it… it works out really well that way.

    Show Replies
      • 47

        Carynne says

        AMEN to that! My husband and I LOVE LOVE AND ADORE to (Infinity and Beyond) our child. BUT…we adore and love LOVE each other as well. That animalistic attraction to each other didn’t disappear because our lives changed. We are together and chose to have a family together for a reason. Because we can’t picture life without each other… because the smell of his skin makes my heart beat faster…because we ROCK each others world! My point is, I REFUSE to let that part of our relationship fall to the wayside. Our “family” life is EVERYTHING to us. But our “romantic” life is just as important.

        Show Replies
        • 48

          Chrissy says

          Absolutely true…we have three young kids and I love this guy too much to let that stop us from having sex! It is a priority right up there with fed and bathed children and getting homework done….except way more fun than those things. This type of conversation always illustrates that some women just like sex more than other women…and why not? We are all different. I would be depressed if we didn’t do the deed on the regular but I have very few girlfriends that echo me on that.
          I don’t think it is insulting to say that not having regular and satisfactory sex with your husband puts your family at risk of adultery and divorce. Why shouldn’t it? You entered into this arrangement with certain norms in your relationship and one of them was likely having sex fairly often…wouldn’t YOU be frustrated and perhaps feel rejected if, because of how exhausting the kids are, your husband no longer did something important to your well-being? Don’t kid yourselves, sex is important to your husband feeling loved by you. Endofstory. Just ask him.
          I know several men who are not cheating or divorcing but they are bummed and worst of all…resigned…ugh..to having sex a few times a year…less than once a month. The last thing I want in my relationship with this man I love is feeling of resignation about us.
          If you can make time to read hilarious blogs you can make time to love your man.

          Show Replies
          • 49

            Julie says

            Ok, I just read this post while my kids were playing behind me… somehow I think CPS might become involved if I was “making love to my man” right now.
            I like sex, it’s a priority for me (more than for my husband, imagine that) and I think it’s important to make time for it. We have sex 2-3 times a week, although much like it’s described here- ten minutes when we don’t have a kid in our bed, not an hour long session where we’re ripping each other’s clothes off in beautiful ambient light. However, it’s totally insulting to say that men will cheat on you because you aren’t having sex enough. I have been with my husband for 13 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually turned him down when he wanted sex, usually because I didn’t feel well. Yet, he had an affair. Nothing to do with the amount of sex he was getting. A relationship is built on more than just sex- there are nights that we will sit on the couch and cuddle after the kids go to bed, watch a movie, have a snack- we’re both having fun, we’re being affectionate and we don’t have to worry about being walked in on by the kids. We kiss goodbye every time one of us leaves, we hold hands in the car, we make dinner together when we can… all of these show love, affection and attraction, you don’t have to be a sex goddess to show your husband that you love and appreciate him.

            Show Replies
          • 50

            Chrissy says

            I am not saying a man WILL cheat on you, I am saying that in marrying these guys we love we are committing to relationship maintenance. So are they. You are reading things into my words that are not there. Never did I say a certain number of times a week was the point, though I will say my friends that avoid it for MONTHS are doing everyone in their house a disservice. Some men and women will cheat no matter what but it is well-known in the piles of research on marriage that a sense of physical intimacy is important to the survival of the marriage. Snuggling on the couch is awesome but just not the same…

            Show Replies
  9. 52

    amelia says

    feel like everyone just wants something from me all the time. it gets tiring and makes me want to curl up in a ball. i never really want sex anymore until I am having it, so I have to get over the hurdle and just go for it. i have to keep hubs happy so it is quickie sex against the bathroom sink cuz it is the only door in the house that locks. blowjobs are quick and easy and keep him happy too.

    Show Replies
    • 53

      Chrissy says

      I know that feeling and long ago (my oldest son Is nearly eleven) I told my husband that in order for us to have sex I NEEDED for him to do things to lift that weight off of me for a moment so I could get interested in sex. So, when he is hoping to persuade me (also told him if he didn’t stop asking for sex like he was ordering it from a drive-thru that I was going to declare a moratorium on the whole thing…ick) he starts by asking me what he can do to help me. This is better than what lots of my friends say they want, which is that he just does things without needing instructions because….sometimes I really want something odd. One time I told him I wanted him to do all of dinner clean-up and bedtime while I took a shower and painted my toenails….we were going to a wedding the next day and my toes were fugly. Now, how could he have possibly come up with that one? My kids got his goofy insert-the-word-poop bedtime stories and I got shiny toenails and then I was happy and relaxed so the sex persuasion process ended satisfactorily for both of us. Magic, I tell ya!

      Show Replies
      • 54

        amelia says

        i don’t get how women expect men to know what they want withoit telling them. it would be nice if that were the case because i feel like a nagging maestro puppetmaster telling everyone what to do 24/7! but let’s deal in real terms here! just ask him!
        yeah, the drive thru window thing! mine is so annoying about it sometimes i just want to punch him. “wanna have sex.” “u gonna give it up tonight?” um not bloody likely, I feel like a product and nobody cares how I feel unless it directly affects them. anyway. it is just little differences that add up. i know that isn’t how he means to come off. he is very supportive in lots of ways. i just feel pulled apart by all the needs of everyone. it makes me defensive and prickly and want to retreat. i need time to center myself and pull myself together without worrying about wveryone else. that is my thing as much as it has always been and i don’t blame anyone for it.
        as a stay at home mom, people think you have all this time to yourself but it isn’t like that.
        sometimes I wish I didn’t see ulterior motives in his touch. a massage is never a massage, it comes with expectation. but really, at least he still wants me. fat or thin. sick or well. he needs and wants me and that is beautiful. oh, and the sex is hot once we get going. can’t really complain about that.

        Show Replies
        • 55

          Chrissy says

          Yes! All of what you just said is exactly what we had to work out because I got to the point where I always wanted to say no JUST because of how I felt about our interactions in general. We had been together for over ten years at that point so I pretty much would say anything to him so I just gave him the whole deal…”Look, I love you and want to have sex…I just don’t like feeling like an object in this house you get food and sex from. I know you didn’t mean that but tone and attitude and a TOTAL lack of savoir faire matters to me….so you will figure out a way to make it sound sweet and sexy and hot and like you cherish me…because you DO, dammit…or it will be a loooooong life, buddy…because we are in this thing for the long haul.”. More or less…in so many words. It worked, I tell ya, he took me seriously and worked on his game and very rarely says his classic, “wanna get it on?” or…shudder…”you want my hot beef injection?” with a leer and barely contained laugh. I am married to a guy with a seventh grade sense of humor. It’s fortunate he is actually super hot in bed because ugh. Anyway, he is awesome now about it and has been since before our oldest was born. I think it makes all the difference. It also doesn’t hurt that I try to initiate sex sometimes too….exactly in the way I hate but that he LOVES. Life is weird like that.

          Show Replies
  10. 57

    Gigi says

    Wow just wow. Overly Opininated Mommy the 19th century called and they want their rational back. And Maddie I just can’t even with the co-sleeping and 2-3 years. Wow!

    Lets pretend that these men that you’re so concerned about had some part in conceiving and having these children. No one guaranteed them a lifetime of honeymoon bliss. Shit changes and priorities shift. You don’t get to have sex all the time. We all have varying amounts of sex and probably a lot of ebbs and flows. If you’re sex life looks the same after having kids (yes even just 1 or 2) as before you had kids then more power to you. But please don’t insinuate that grown men have any right to cheat on their wives/ partners because kids complicate things. It is insulting to all the men and women living in respectful adult relationships.

    Show Replies
    • 58

      Overly Opinionated Mommy says

      ummm….these men did HALF the part in conceiving and having these children and if yours didn’t then I’d like to know how you conceived a child on your own and I’m sorry that your partner wasn’t there to support you during childbirth. Being intimate is a huge and important part of any successful relationship. If one person in the relationship (man or woman) decides to check out intimately, then the other party is mostly likely going to go find someone else to be intimate with physically or emotionally. If men knew this was how the majority of women were going to be after having kids, then men wouldn’t get married and have children with these women. And when I say intimate, I’m not necessarily talking about sex. In any healthy and successful relationship you have to show your partner some affection, be it kissing, hugging, cuddling, or just having a nice conversation together. You have to connect with one another, that is what being intimate is about. I’m not saying that it’s right for someone to cheat on their partner, but not receiving affection is a reason why people cheat on their partners.

      Show Replies
  11. 60

    Gigi says

    Sorry I wasn’t clear. I meant to say that of course since they helped bring these kids into the world they would get it. They get the sleepless nights, the days of running around, the mental exhaustion of breaking up fights, answering why 100 times a day, working a job or/and keeping a house from falling down around you during all of that. Maybe they are tired too and if they aren’t maybe they have the good sense to sympathize and not cheat because life’s not fair and they have the self control of a 13 year old. I get that intimacy is an important part of a relationship. We ALL get it. We’re just so so tired. If you’re not or you can rise above it then congratulations you win! You win the mommy war. I was wondering who would end up doing that.

    Show Replies
    • 61

      Overly Opinionated Mommy says

      First of all, I wasn’t trying to start a “mommy war” I’m against those and I don’t see this as one. Secondly, you’re absolutely right that partners should be understanding of one another when one or both of them has had a rough day. But they also need to be understanding of each others needs for intimacy. No one has the right to cheat, but that’s not going to stop some people from doing so.

      Show Replies
      • 62

        Nilzed says

        Cheaters, cheat. Whether or not they are getting any at home is unrelated, except as an excuse. Equally, the various excuses for not having sex, or other intamacy can be an excuse to not recognize real flaws in the relationship.

        Over the course of a marriage, with or without children, sex ebbs and flows. Sometimes your interests line up, sometimes they don’t. A good relationship gets through these stages and flourishes in the renewal. A flawed relationship breaks, even if the marriage doesn’t. Saying anyone is doing their partner a disservice is a bit nosy, none of us can really know another couples strength or weakness.

        Excuse me now, I’m planning an early night. For many and various reasons, we hadn’t had sex in weeks, and right in the middle of it this morning, our 5 year old ran in and climbed under the covers with us before we could even manage to say no. And then the cats chased each other through the room and over my husbands back before he could even move. someday well laugh. But by god I’m getting some tonight if we have to hide in the closet under the stairs in the garage.

        Show Replies
      • 64

        amelia says

        i read your tearing each other down post and i get that you are not intending to add to the this is better than that contest. you gotta take a step back and look at what you said and think how it could be perceived. u do have a point, if you ignore your hubs then he is gonna feel neglected. true. personally, i think it goes both ways. we made a commitment to each other, no matter how many kids we had to be there for each other. i have an chronic illness that gets in the way of sex very directly because often I have diarrhea for weeks on end and sometimes we have to put our sexual relationship aside. even if you don’t have achronic illness, being a mom affects your hormones and those affect your mental health and sometimes sex has to be put on the back burner. if anyone saw this as an inevitability that my husband would look elsewhere, that just makes me sad. i do try to make sure he isn’t neglected even if we can’t have sex. intimacy is more than sex for sure.

        Show Replies
      • 65

        zumpie says

        I also visited your blog and noticed A) you seem pretty young and B) you’ve only been married for 5 years and have one kid, who’s three.

        No offense, but I find your archaic warnings almost laughable. Come compare notes with me in 15 years, assuming you;re still married, mmmkay?

        Show Replies
        • 66

          Chrissy says

          Well…I have three and I have been with my husband for 22 years and I think she has a point…not that we need to live in fear of our husbands leaving us if we aren’t doing daily strip teases, blow jobs and etc…but that anyone in any marriage needs to feel loved in order to want to be there. Don’t you?

          Show Replies
          • 68

            Overly Opinionated Mommy says

            I’m sorry, I should have worded things a little more clearly. Chrissy is right in saying that anyone in any marriage needs to feel loved in order to want to be there. I completely understand having periods of time where one or both people in a relationship do not feel like being sexually intimate. I’ve been there and my husband and I worked through it. I know what it feels like not to feel like having sex because my hormones were all out of whack. I am not saying that a man or a woman should have to have sex with their partner every day, by any means. I also know that not everyone can have regular sex. If someone doesn’t want to have sex one night or for a few nights or a few weeks or months, then that’s their choice. But make sure that you’re talking about that with your partner so they don’t feel ignored. Communication is key in any relationship and I feel that a lot of people (especially women, sorry) decide they don’t feel like having sex for whatever reason and just kind of leave their partner hanging and don’t talk to them about it and if a person doesn’t feel wanted by their significant other than it shouldn’t be a surprise if they seek out attention from someone outside of the relationship. I’m not saying it’s right for someone to cheat on their partner, but there are those that will and will use lack of sex as an excuse.

            Show Replies
    • 70

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

      Ah the baby monitor. Maybe I should bring that thing back out for the retro effect. Like a disco ball but easier to mount. Speaking of mounting… where was I?

      Show Replies
  12. 75

    Britanie says

    We actually do have date night once a week. BUT our kids are still 2 and under and not really old enough for activities AND sometimes our “dates” just involve watching a movie together after the babies are asleep.

    Show Replies
    • 76

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle says

      I can think of many a date night that ended with no sex. It’s not always the sex that keeps you close. Sometimes it’s just being out alone and talking about adult stuff and not old MacDonald.

      Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>