5 Reasons Why Moms Shouldn’t Take Sex Advice From Magazines


Many women’s magazines have a “Mom” version of the “How To Have Better Sex” article. Usually, the titles alone make me feel like I should keep an extinguisher by the bed, along with a bucket of cold water to douse on myself and my partner when we begin to spontaneously combust from sheer passion: “How to Keep Your Love Life Hot and Your Sex Life in Flames.” “10 Ways to Reignite Your Marriage.” “How To Turn Up the Heat In the Bedroom, Without Singeing the Sheets.” (Oh, I like that last one)

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Seriously, can we disband the sex myths propagated by magazines, and have a little straight talk here?

Let me break it to you (in case you haven’t figured it out already), sex after kids is often not so hot — or even often, for that matter. That said, here’s what I think about the most common tips given to moms through sex advice in magazines…

1. Don’t Forget the Foreplay. Multitasking Mom Response: Really? Really? As it is, I have to have sex while catching up on my Tivo’d shows, reading US Weekly, having a healthy protein snack, and repeating the words, “lettuce, milk, eggs” over and over until I can get to a pen. Now I have to add something else to my repertoire? Look writers, we forgot the foreplay a long time ago. Well, my husband didn’t, he calls it brushing his teeth, which I am beyond thankful for..

2. Set the Mood (You know, candles, aromatic massage oils and sexy lingerie?) Brutal Honesty Response: Are we still taking time to set the mood? I mean, isn’t that what got us here in the first place? Listen, if there’s no lingering gas odor in the room and you’re in an old t-shirt without any holes, I say you’re as sexy as you need to get. Work your dimmer switch and voila… ambiance. Better yet, utilize the TV as a source of beautiful ambient light. If you can get the volume to an audible level, you can work in sex without giving up Real Housewives. It’s called multitasking, something we moms are all too familiar with.

As for a massage, I’m lucky if I don’t get one of my kids’ leftover Doritos corners embedded in my thigh. When I ask my husband to flick it out and slide the remaining crumbs off my tush like sand paper, does that count as a massage? Well, arguably, it’s more like an exfoliation, but it’s undeniably hot.

3. Have a Date Night Every Week. Reality Check Response: I love this one, because in theory it’s a legitimately good idea. It’s definitely worth trying every week, but unfortunately, it assumes that there will be a night each week when no one is sick or has an event/activity. It also assumes that on that same night there will be a babysitter or grandparent available, and neither you nor your hubby are too tired to go to dinner — a meal where much of your conversation will inevitably revolve around the kids.

4. Time Your Trysts Around Nap-Time. Realistic and Yes, Snarky Response: Everyone knows that there’s nothing women like more, when trying to have an orgasm, than the sense of pressure that time constraints puts on the experience. It’s like telling moms to ‘sleep when the baby sleeps,’ we’d love to do it, but it ain’t gonna happen!

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5. Start Your Day With a Bang (Set your alarm an hour earlier and have an uninterrupted top-o-the-morning.) Bitchy Uncensored Response: First of all, what ambitious sex-perts think an entire hour is necessary? Nine minutes would do the trick and still, I’m not down with that idea. Do you know what I like to do before I wake up in the morning? SLEEP! In fact, THE ONLY THING I BANG IN THE MORNING IS THE SNOOZE BUTTON! Yep, I’m not even willing to bang that button one less time!

OK Mommas, do yourselves a favor, throw out those, “spice it up” pieces and “top 10 lists,” and pick quality over quantity. Or at least do it enough that you don’t end up in couples therapy.

About the writer


Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind The Suburban Jungle. A card carrying Gen Xer and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Join the insanity on Facebook and Twitter.


Jamie Bartley 2 years ago

I find sex very important and so does my husband but we find ourselves only having it once a week and usually on the weekend and it is a quicky, We have three kids one under 4 that cosleeps. it is hard to find the right time for sex and not wake up the youngin sleeping in the bed. we have found places like the laundry room, the closet, the floor to be a little helpful but we also have a hard time doing it because he works out of town. I worry everyday that he may find someone out of town since he doesn’t get it everyday. That is my insecurity and not his. we still love each other and make each sizzle with desire when we are around each other but time is something we rarely have so for us right now once a week is what we have it has been better in the past and it will get better in the future but for now we have our once a week.

Momchalant 3 years ago

I think I just peed a little from laughing. (I guess that’s what I get for popping out a 7 pound human)

zumpie 3 years ago

To me (and this is just my personal opinion), a marriage with a SAHM (and again, I’ve done it) with a husband who says things like “well how would you ladies feel if WE didn’t help with the housework, hmmm????” is probably a more conservative marriage than a dual income, share the chores sort of equitably (full confession here, I’m better at cooking and cleaning, my husband is better at gardening—but I’m also the furniture assembler, among other things). There’s nothing wrong with that—just it IS more a traditional sort of thing that I wouldn’t really be terribly interested in.

And to be fair, you did admit the household chores wasn’t a good analogy (especially given that nowadays, most married moms do work outside the home, full time). But it was still very, very sexist (given the way most marriages are nowadays), so that’s probably why I pointed that out.

Actually, the length of your marriage is VERY telling (though I’ve met couples who’ve lasted that I thought would never make it and couples I thought were perfect who divorced). Also my point was, we’ll see if you guys actually do stay married. Not being mean—just really, we’ll see.

To be honest, I brought up both blow up dolls and plural marriage, because while I’m sure you’re a fine person, you did come across as kinda entitled and a bit archaic. My point was merely (as is noted above), watching TV isn’t more important than you are, reading isn’t more important than you are, going to the salon isn’t more important than you are. WE are though. And expecting us to largely put you first all the time is unfair.

That you found a humour article that pointed out the average working mom probably bearly has the energy to do anything and thus the articles from Cosmo are super silly a bit offensive rather reflects this.

Also, a woman doesn’t have to have sex to show her husband she cares, either. While my husband was visiting his mom in Flroida over his birthday last year (a trip I paid for, along with the gift of an I-Pad)—-I created another surprise: I put a floor down in our basement and speaking of my mad furniture assembling skills put together a ton of stuff to fully redecorate the man cave. This was the second and final stage, I previously put a variety of items in (this time it was new couches and some other stuff) and organized it for our anniversary. And I do stuff like that for our daughter, too—I put together her Lalaloopsy Dollhouse for Xmas morning and was up until 4AM.

Not saying sex isn’t important—just it’s only one element and I think in most good marriages we show one another we care in a million different other ways.

However, I’m sorry if I came across as way harsh, cause I didn;t mean to.

    Husband and Father 3 years ago

    The reason why I said that housework/chores was not a good analogy was because it was not intended to be a commentary on the division of labor within a relationship or home. In my marriage we have our agreed upon distribution of who does what around the house. My wife feels loved and cared for when I, in addition to what I normally do, take care of some of the cleaning or laundry that she normally does. The analogy would have been more effective if it was about how to spend better quality time with your wife or how to compliment her more effectively. It’s not that much extra effort to do every now and again to make your spouse feel special; regardless if we are talking about sex or household chores or a date night.

    I also never suggested that my wife should put me first all the time. What I did actually say is that it’s important for both people to put the other person first sometimes. I don’t believe a marriage can stay healthy for 1, 5 or 20 years unless both spouses are willing to put the other’s needs first on occasion. Which is something that I believe you agree with if your story about building a “man cave” for your husband is any indication; it is something that you’ve done.

    As an aside, you might be surprised to find out that my wife is a couple years older than me and quite independent to the point that she normally goes on a vacation or two a year without me after I run out of time off. She had finished college and was successful in her chosen profession before I ever finished my degrees. It was her decision to put her career on hold to stay home with our children and I would have supported her decision just as much if she had decided to keep working. I think the only marker of a traditional marriage we have is that we’re a single income family by choice and the fact that I used an analogy poorly.

Husband and Father 3 years ago

Against my better judgement I’m going to post this a response this, knowing full well that my opinion is probably not wanted and will likely get flamed.

As a husband a father this post and most of the commentary about it makes me extremely disappointed. Yes, it was intended to be funny. Yes, it’s just humor.

But when you make light of a subject like this in this way you do nothing to help anyone. How would the mothers and wives on here feel if I posted a response making fun of all the things you ask your husbands to do around the house to help out with the kids? It’s just a joke. No harm, no foul. Get over it.

We all know how well that would go over.

I’m truly sorry for those wives/mothers who have husbands or significant others that are useless, that don’t help with the housework or with the kids. I can’t speak for everyone but almost to a man, all the men I know are proud of their kids, their wives, and work tirelessly to make things better for their families. Are their efforts always directed where they should be? Nope. But they’re trying.

What do they want in return? A little appreciation. A little love. A little affection. When you got married your vow to love and cherish each other means putting your partners needs before your own sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes.

The suggestions in Cosmo aren’t realistic? Surprise!! I mean, really, how does anyone not know this already? But I think the conversation would have been much better to offer alternatives or suggestions on what you could actually do rather than just blowing the whole thing off.

    zumpie 3 years ago

    Oh wow. And it doesn’t occur to you that your wife might like a little appreication, affection and love too? And for you to put HER needs first? How often do you do that? Most men don’t.

    As for how would I feel if my husband didn’t help out around the house? Since we’ve always been a dual income family (in some cases I worked longer hours and had more responsibility), that wouldn’t happen. Because that really WOULD be unfair.

    I do more now because A) I work from home and he’s the main bread winner. B) I’m frankly better at it and C) I actually enjoy it. But it’s a partnership like everything else.

    Reading between the lines of your post is an awful lot of male entitlement: I’m doing my wife a favor if I help out around the house (and for the record, I do think the SAH spouse should do most of the household stuff, cause that’s only fair)—but she’d better put out if I fold some laundry or take Jimmy to the library.

    Geeze, I’m glad we’re past this level of 1950’s in MY marriage

      Husband and Father 3 years ago

      You read a lot more between the lines than was written. What I got from the original post was that priorities change after we have kids. The tone suggests that sex is so far down the list that husbands should just get a clue and forget about intimacy. The comments that pointed out how important intimacy and sex are to a relationship got shouted down every time. I completely agree that priorities need to change and shift with kids but draining all of your energy into kids/house/career and leaving nothing to maintain a relationship with your partner is fairly foolish in my opinion.

      The housework analogy was not the best one. My mistake. What I was trying to say was that making a joke out something that makes your spouse feel loved and important might not be a great idea. Physical intimacy from my wife makes me feel loved. Acts of service performed by me for my wife make her feel special and loved; hence, the housework comment. There are many ways to show love an affection; having your husband tell you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him might be what resonates with you. Maybe it’s when the two of you get to spend time along just talking. I should have been more clear about this.

      Has it occurred to me the my wife might want some love and appreciation? Yes it has. Which is why I do the bath and the bedtime routine every night. Why I cook dinner once or twice a week and every meal between Fri when I get home from work and Mon when I leave. Why I take our kids out almost every weekend so my wife has at least half a day to herself if she wants it.

      My wife is a stay at home mother so I’m also solely responsible for supporting our family financially. I make a point of buying her flowers every couple months just because she loves the smell of roses.

      These are the things that are important to her, that make her feel loved. I’m not keeping score. I don’t think she is. Does wanting my wife to put some effort into sex every now and then mean I feel entitled? I don’t think so.

      You are entitled to your own opinion though.

        zumpie 3 years ago

        Actually I’d say YOU read a lot more between the lines of the original post. No one ever said on here that once we’ve had kids, we’ll never, ever have sex again with our husbands (or partners). Just that things change, it ebbs and flows and frankly, we aren’t blow up dolls (or wives in plural marriages) existing entirely for others, including our spouses.

        Your marriage appears to be pretty traditional and your views appear to reflect that. Frankly, without wading into the whole working moms versus SAHM moms, I’ve stayed home—-I had plenty of time to do everything and then some. And was still looking for work at that time (which is sometimes a FT job in and of itself).

        During that time, I did 99% of the home stuff because I found that only fair. When I’ve worked jobs that entailed 12 hour days and headed up a department (yes, we ladies can do that, too!), I expected not help but (and no we don’t keep score) my husband to do house stuff without it even being mentioned.

        Also frankly, if I’ve come home after spending the day creating my department’s annual marketing plan, annual budget and dealt with difficult clients and staff, I might well be really, really tired. I’ll then have to wade my daughter through homework (frankly the worst task listed), etc. So no, I will NOT be setting my alarm an hour early or lighting 4 billion candles, etc….it’ll wait.

        And again married 20 years, managed to make it work. You???

          Husband and Father 3 years ago

          Could you clarify your definition of “traditional” marriage? You’ve made a reference to a 50’s marriage and one regarding my marriage being “traditional”. Both times the connotation I read into toe statements was negative and I’m curious why.

          I’m also not sure how to respond to your last post. I clarified my position and feel that it’s a fairly non-confrontational opinion that intimacy is important to a relationship and that sometimes extra effort should be put into it occasionally (Anniversary maybe?). Do you disagree with this? If not, then where is the hostility coming from?

          Your response managed to pull in reference to seedy adult entertainment (blow up dolls), felonious relationships (polygamy), sexism (women with a successful career, surprise!), and suggest that any opinion I have is irrelevant because I’m most likely young and haven’t been married the magical 20 years (young children, ergo young person). I don’t see how any of this is really germane to the point I was trying to make.

Kelley 3 years ago

I read something once that compared a husband’s need for intimacy to a wife’s need to spend time talking with her partner. How would you feel if you had news you really needed to share with him, but he turned away every time you tried to tell him, or said he was too tired to listen to you, or picked up a book and ignored you or turned on the tv. You’d eventually feel pretty hurt. Well that is how they feel when we do the same things concerning sex.

Are we tired? Yes. Are we overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities? Yes. Do we have health issues that sometimes interfere with our ability and desire to have sex? Yes. But if it was a child who needed us – we would do without sleep, put the book down, turn off the tv and tend to them. So why not do that for your partner?

I have found that if I look after my guy’s needs, then he is alot more motivated to look after mine – whether that is taking his stepson to activities on the nights I work, or going to get groceries, or washing the van. It’s not a keeping score thing, just being good to each other.

I really work at our intimate relationship because I lived a sexless marraige once and I will never go through that again. He also came out of a sexless marraige. We both still struggle with being sensitive in that area due to the hurts of rejection from before. To have someone you love want nothing to do with you sexually and to make you feel like you disgust them and they would rather sleep on a couch and jack off to porn rather than touch you – is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. So do I put effort into keeping the spark alive – you bet. Does this mean that sometimes when I am tired and would rather sleep do I take a deep breath go with it – you bet. I don’t want my guy to ever feel the rejection he felt before. He takes great pains to let me know that when my health issues get in the way and its been awhile – that he still finds me attractive.

    zumpie 3 years ago

    Hey, it’s well established that marraiges take work—and again, if that works for you, great. But you also need to put yourself first sometimes and there are times that men WILL tune us out when we want to discuss something with us.

    We’re humans, not blow up dolls.

    As for comparing it to putting a child’s needs first: A) that’s a child, not an adult. B) frankly, that depends. A sick infant? Obviously, yes. A 12 year old who can’t sleep or is bored? No. Because they need to learn that fufilling their every immediate want is not only not going to happen, but some self reliance is a good thing.

    Why in the world would we feel an adult needs the same molly coddling as a newborn? (and yeah, I know, men….babies…..blah, blah, blah).

    Not to mention there’s another flip side to this—-interestingly, a lot of the Baby Wise type movements actually prescribes ignoring your infant and attending to your husband’s needs. of course it’s rooted in a wingnut Xtian movement that’s also fond of spaking (with objects), but hey,,,,

Jennifer 3 years ago

God I love my husband and his reasonable expectations.

lesbomom 3 years ago

That was sooo funny!!!

Andrea 3 years ago

Okay, now that I have a moment where I’m not reading this on my phone while sitting next to my kiddo and waiting for her to go to sleep….I’m going to state the one thing that hasn’t been stated yet…at least not that I saw in my scan of the commentary.
To those of you who are happy and getting all the sex your heart desires, good for you. It’s nice to see that there are couples out there who make it work.
But realistically…the majority of us don’t get that. I know I don’t. And here’s why. Because I don’t live to make my husband feel better. We got married, yes. We made a partnership. That partnership, however, does not mean that I have to bend over backwards and push to make yet another person in this house happy.
There’s such a thing as me time and most of us moms don’t get any of it. So the hubs sees us reading or surfing the web, or sitting on the couch and giving ourselves a home-done pedi and they think “that’s more important than me.” Well, I’m sorry guys…but get a freakin clue. It’s not “more important” than you. WE are more important than you. It’s loving ourselves. It’s survival. Because a person can only do so much for everyone else before they snap. I don’t know about the rest of you but from the minute I wake up in the morning to the moment I finally fall exhausted into bed I get maybe…MAYBE a total of 45 minutes of me time…a day. And in that 45 minutes is included getting up and getting ready for work in the morning, showering, a 5 minute rush to get a half a cup of coffee in me, and night time rituals. So technically that 45 minutes ends up being maybe 20 minutes of being able to do something that I actually want to do. And no, its not always going to be sex. Because sex isn’t just about me. It’s about reciprocation and being a part of something with someone. It’s having to worry that one or both of us wont get off, that he wont enjoy it, that I’ll have to fake my way through multiple orgasms just because he hasn’t came yet and I’m so freakin’ beat that I can hardly stay awake.
Bottom line – its not that we love our electronic devices more than our husbands. It’s that we love ourselves and we need to take some time to just us at the end of the day. A moment where no one is demanding anything of us, where there is no cleaning to be done, no dishes to be done, no laundry to be folded. There’s just us and the one or two things that WE like to do that doesn’t involve another person. It’s just us and no one needs anything from us. Am I the only one who feels this way? I’m pretty sure I’m not.

    zumpie 3 years ago

    You are absolutely, positively not the only one. I agree completely.

    And am frankly disturbed that there are so many ladies here who do, in fact, see themselves as needing to endlessly “please their men” (in every possible way) just so they won’t be left. Which is completely pathetic.

Andrea 3 years ago

All I’ve got to say to this blog post is A-FREAKIN-MEN!!! I want to print this Ans show it to the hubs.

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Thanks Andrea… I hear ya sista!

Charity Deleon 3 years ago

This post rocks!! Let’s live in the real world here.

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Thanks Charity!

zumpie 3 years ago

I’m normally pretty critical of Jill’s attitudes, but I gotta agree here.

As noted by others above, the date night thing can be prohibitive for some families. It also, since more families are dual income families than not, cuts into your time with your children.

I actually LIKE my daughter and enjoy spending time with her. When she was an infant I worked a very demanding job and really cherished my time with her. We generally enjoy doing things as a family, with outings together—-it’s why we also don’t take vacations without her, either (excepting when my husband visits my MIL!).

Along those lines, there are also times we each wish to pursue entirely independent interests (generally my husband and I have very different tastes in movies). The best way to approach things is what works best for YOUR family.

As for giving up sleep—-sleep is like a drug for me—-I had to sacrifice that when my daughter was little—and that was the ONLY time.

Jamie@SouthMainMuse 3 years ago

This was spot on. And very funny. We have been married for almost 25 years and have gone through many phases. Right now we are in the #5 phase. We both collapse so exhausted into bed at night, it’s really all that we are left with. But it’s not so bad (except having to get up and teeter first and brush teeth — or not brush teeth and no kissy)

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Yes, def no kissy! I’m in the phase where when I’m done I play about 10 rounds of Words with Friends and read myself to sleep. If only I could do all 3 at once!

Paige Kellerman 3 years ago

Ha! Your humor kills me. Right now, I’m in the trenches with a lot of little kids. We still fit it in (attention: play on words in progress), but sleep is just delicious.

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

I always laugh at those articles. Especially the ones that claim to offer a hot new position. As if there’s really anything new under the sun.

    Paige Kellerman 3 years ago

    You haven’t tried installing the flying trapeze yet?

      My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

      That just makes me think of naked chubby people coming in for a landing after going parasailing.

        Chrissy 3 years ago


      Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

      Wow, is that possible to do with a mirrored ceiling because that’s totes next on my list. After the stripper pole and the petting zoo. What you don’t know why I would have a petting zoo? Let’s forget I said anything ok?

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Yes, if you move your leg to the left a quarter of a degree and scream the lyrics to Sound of Music tunes, I think you will have done something new. Nope, wait, that’s been done before too.

Realistic Expectstions 3 years ago

Love this list. It’s a bit of a caricature but spot on.
My two cents: when a man becomes a father, this is his checklist too. If y’all married and/or had kids too young or too soon, then I can see why you may feel this way after kids while he’s just “regular” but I’ve been with my man long enough that we both truly appreciate ten minutes of naptime hallway sex in tshirts, preceded by brushing our teeth. We love it. Makes us feel sneaky lol

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Sneaky sex is never bad. It’s also fun when you do detective sex, but that requires a pipe and a sherlock Holmes hat!

Susan 3 years ago

Sheesh, folks. It’s a humor piece. You know, a joke?

Of course sex is important. Of course we wish we had it more or even wanted to have it more. But it’s hard to do. And if you’re not laughing about life’s difficulties, you’re crying, right?

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Please come on the road with me and be my translator!!!

Jane 3 years ago

It’s stories like this that make me glad i a) only have one child and b) got divorced. My ex-hubbies lack of interest in sex after DD5 was born was a major factor in the break down of our marriage. I hated that he would ignore me for weeks then expect me to be ready to go when it suited him. I also hated that the sex was all about him, even foreplay was all about his ego. How many times can you tell someone what you like before you realise that they either don’t care or are to lazy and stupid to change.

I refuse to put up with bad sex. My boyfriend knows that if he dosen’t make an effort to please me in and out of the bedroom then I’d rather be single and take care of my own needs.

    zumpie 3 years ago

    While I do understand what you’re saying (and appreciate your independence)—I also think you’re (again) placing too much importance on sex. While it does sound like your ex was a selfish jerk (at least romantically), I’m a bit confused as to why you married him in the first place.

    Or was it more the case of early on sex was amazing (it is for most couples) and that waned? Cause that’s how a normal relationship goes. And maybe your marriage broke up because sex was most of what there was to it, to begin with.

jacs 3 years ago

After reading everyone’s personal truths here, I just need to say “it does get better” … But you need to maintain an intimate connection with your partner if you want the relationship to survive the early years. Otherwise you’ll be starting again with a new man (who probably left his wife because of not getting enough attention.)

I managed to keep the same husband, although I sometimes refer to him as “my 2nd husband” because we have both changed so much!
Our kids are teens who are learning to deal with the embarrassment of parents who act like teenagers. Our “date nights” often involve sending the kids out to youth club so we can be alone. And they know what’s going on when we usher them out of the house 😉

But there were times when I thought we wouldn’t make it, when both of us wanted out. So glad we made a plan and stuck it out!

    Nilzed 3 years ago

    Good. In 21 years, only the last 5 as parents, things have gone around and come around and we are still here.

Mama and the City 3 years ago

#5 — hilarious. And right there with you. I don’t give up my sleep.

#3 — is this adviced for the rich and the famous? paying someone to babysit is a luxury nowadays (especially in certain countries) and to pay for dinner and other things to add as well? Not gonna happen. Parenthood brings other rules around money.

    Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Xo Mama and the city!!!

C. Rally 3 years ago

Coming from a man point of view and a father of 4. Couple time is very important for a long term relationship. I agree that its not always possible but TRY once awhile, it will do alot for your relationship!

    Chrissy 3 years ago

    You are brave to speak up in this crowd…and you are right. It’s not an anti -feminism thing to say you need to make the time and find the energy!

Britanie 3 years ago

We actually do have date night once a week. BUT our kids are still 2 and under and not really old enough for activities AND sometimes our “dates” just involve watching a movie together after the babies are asleep.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    I can think of many a date night that ended with no sex. It’s not always the sex that keeps you close. Sometimes it’s just being out alone and talking about adult stuff and not old MacDonald.

Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) 3 years ago

Isn’t “date night” when your husband babysits and you go out for wine with other moms, forgetting you have kids?

    Paige Kellerman 3 years ago

    *looks in dictionary* Yes, Leanne. That’s correct.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Yes, yes that is. Funny I also say my husband is babysitting when he watches the kids. If he said that to me. I would laugh and then kick him in the shin and then run and then laugh some more.

    rachel 3 years ago

    That’s my kind of thinking. Cause if I have a great date night with my friends, then the chances of us hitting the sack afterwards increases ten fold.

Baby Sideburns 3 years ago

We do it all the time to the romantic light of the baby monitor flickering back and forth between the kids’ rooms. And by all the time I mean once.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Ah the baby monitor. Maybe I should bring that thing back out for the retro effect. Like a disco ball but easier to mount. Speaking of mounting… where was I?

Gigi 3 years ago

Sorry I wasn’t clear. I meant to say that of course since they helped bring these kids into the world they would get it. They get the sleepless nights, the days of running around, the mental exhaustion of breaking up fights, answering why 100 times a day, working a job or/and keeping a house from falling down around you during all of that. Maybe they are tired too and if they aren’t maybe they have the good sense to sympathize and not cheat because life’s not fair and they have the self control of a 13 year old. I get that intimacy is an important part of a relationship. We ALL get it. We’re just so so tired. If you’re not or you can rise above it then congratulations you win! You win the mommy war. I was wondering who would end up doing that.

    Overly Opinionated Mommy 3 years ago

    First of all, I wasn’t trying to start a “mommy war” I’m against those and I don’t see this as one. Secondly, you’re absolutely right that partners should be understanding of one another when one or both of them has had a rough day. But they also need to be understanding of each others needs for intimacy. No one has the right to cheat, but that’s not going to stop some people from doing so.

      Nilzed 3 years ago

      Cheaters, cheat. Whether or not they are getting any at home is unrelated, except as an excuse. Equally, the various excuses for not having sex, or other intamacy can be an excuse to not recognize real flaws in the relationship.

      Over the course of a marriage, with or without children, sex ebbs and flows. Sometimes your interests line up, sometimes they don’t. A good relationship gets through these stages and flourishes in the renewal. A flawed relationship breaks, even if the marriage doesn’t. Saying anyone is doing their partner a disservice is a bit nosy, none of us can really know another couples strength or weakness.

      Excuse me now, I’m planning an early night. For many and various reasons, we hadn’t had sex in weeks, and right in the middle of it this morning, our 5 year old ran in and climbed under the covers with us before we could even manage to say no. And then the cats chased each other through the room and over my husbands back before he could even move. someday well laugh. But by god I’m getting some tonight if we have to hide in the closet under the stairs in the garage.

        Chrissy 3 years ago

        Lol!!! See…another good reason that I can give for not liking cats so much. I think I am up to 33?

      amelia 3 years ago

      i read your tearing each other down post and i get that you are not intending to add to the this is better than that contest. you gotta take a step back and look at what you said and think how it could be perceived. u do have a point, if you ignore your hubs then he is gonna feel neglected. true. personally, i think it goes both ways. we made a commitment to each other, no matter how many kids we had to be there for each other. i have an chronic illness that gets in the way of sex very directly because often I have diarrhea for weeks on end and sometimes we have to put our sexual relationship aside. even if you don’t have achronic illness, being a mom affects your hormones and those affect your mental health and sometimes sex has to be put on the back burner. if anyone saw this as an inevitability that my husband would look elsewhere, that just makes me sad. i do try to make sure he isn’t neglected even if we can’t have sex. intimacy is more than sex for sure.

      zumpie 3 years ago

      I also visited your blog and noticed A) you seem pretty young and B) you’ve only been married for 5 years and have one kid, who’s three.

      No offense, but I find your archaic warnings almost laughable. Come compare notes with me in 15 years, assuming you;re still married, mmmkay?

        Chrissy 3 years ago

        Well…I have three and I have been with my husband for 22 years and I think she has a point…not that we need to live in fear of our husbands leaving us if we aren’t doing daily strip teases, blow jobs and etc…but that anyone in any marriage needs to feel loved in order to want to be there. Don’t you?

          zumpie 3 years ago

          Yes, which goes both ways—and sorry, it very much comes across as very Phyllis Schlafly, to be honest

          Overly Opinionated Mommy 3 years ago

          I’m sorry, I should have worded things a little more clearly. Chrissy is right in saying that anyone in any marriage needs to feel loved in order to want to be there. I completely understand having periods of time where one or both people in a relationship do not feel like being sexually intimate. I’ve been there and my husband and I worked through it. I know what it feels like not to feel like having sex because my hormones were all out of whack. I am not saying that a man or a woman should have to have sex with their partner every day, by any means. I also know that not everyone can have regular sex. If someone doesn’t want to have sex one night or for a few nights or a few weeks or months, then that’s their choice. But make sure that you’re talking about that with your partner so they don’t feel ignored. Communication is key in any relationship and I feel that a lot of people (especially women, sorry) decide they don’t feel like having sex for whatever reason and just kind of leave their partner hanging and don’t talk to them about it and if a person doesn’t feel wanted by their significant other than it shouldn’t be a surprise if they seek out attention from someone outside of the relationship. I’m not saying it’s right for someone to cheat on their partner, but there are those that will and will use lack of sex as an excuse.

MrsSmith 3 years ago

Yup, that sums it up perfectly!

Gigi 3 years ago

Wow just wow. Overly Opininated Mommy the 19th century called and they want their rational back. And Maddie I just can’t even with the co-sleeping and 2-3 years. Wow!

Lets pretend that these men that you’re so concerned about had some part in conceiving and having these children. No one guaranteed them a lifetime of honeymoon bliss. Shit changes and priorities shift. You don’t get to have sex all the time. We all have varying amounts of sex and probably a lot of ebbs and flows. If you’re sex life looks the same after having kids (yes even just 1 or 2) as before you had kids then more power to you. But please don’t insinuate that grown men have any right to cheat on their wives/ partners because kids complicate things. It is insulting to all the men and women living in respectful adult relationships.

    Overly Opinionated Mommy 3 years ago

    ummm….these men did HALF the part in conceiving and having these children and if yours didn’t then I’d like to know how you conceived a child on your own and I’m sorry that your partner wasn’t there to support you during childbirth. Being intimate is a huge and important part of any successful relationship. If one person in the relationship (man or woman) decides to check out intimately, then the other party is mostly likely going to go find someone else to be intimate with physically or emotionally. If men knew this was how the majority of women were going to be after having kids, then men wouldn’t get married and have children with these women. And when I say intimate, I’m not necessarily talking about sex. In any healthy and successful relationship you have to show your partner some affection, be it kissing, hugging, cuddling, or just having a nice conversation together. You have to connect with one another, that is what being intimate is about. I’m not saying that it’s right for someone to cheat on their partner, but not receiving affection is a reason why people cheat on their partners.

      Mister Alighieri 2 years ago

      Overly Opinionated Mommy,

      You are very correct that if men knew that most women would become “Mommy” and forget “wifey” then fewer men would marry or have kids. (Which does seem to be a growing trend.) I know that having listened to older parents and read about the real side of parenthood are part of the reason I won’t ever have kids of my own. I sometimes wonder if women truly understand how important intimate relations are to a monogamous man. By constantly or just consistently rejecting or opting out of sex, women are cutting a vital link of communication that men need to know if they have a place in their woman’s life now that kids take up much of the pleasurable “things-in-common” activities of before kids. I have read “mommy” and “daddy” blogs and it’s depressing. If every young man (and woman) read the real stories of the lives of parents, few would sign up. I know that every mother is tired. My mom still says she is tired from raising me. I am 40. lol But having dated several mothers, I get that sometimes fatigue is a factor. However my gf told me one Date night, “I might just fall asleep while we spoon.” I replied with a grin, “As long as you don’t mind if I keep going.” She smiled back and said “Of course not.” To date she has never fallen asleep on me.

amelia 3 years ago

feel like everyone just wants something from me all the time. it gets tiring and makes me want to curl up in a ball. i never really want sex anymore until I am having it, so I have to get over the hurdle and just go for it. i have to keep hubs happy so it is quickie sex against the bathroom sink cuz it is the only door in the house that locks. blowjobs are quick and easy and keep him happy too.

    Chrissy 3 years ago

    I know that feeling and long ago (my oldest son Is nearly eleven) I told my husband that in order for us to have sex I NEEDED for him to do things to lift that weight off of me for a moment so I could get interested in sex. So, when he is hoping to persuade me (also told him if he didn’t stop asking for sex like he was ordering it from a drive-thru that I was going to declare a moratorium on the whole thing…ick) he starts by asking me what he can do to help me. This is better than what lots of my friends say they want, which is that he just does things without needing instructions because….sometimes I really want something odd. One time I told him I wanted him to do all of dinner clean-up and bedtime while I took a shower and painted my toenails….we were going to a wedding the next day and my toes were fugly. Now, how could he have possibly come up with that one? My kids got his goofy insert-the-word-poop bedtime stories and I got shiny toenails and then I was happy and relaxed so the sex persuasion process ended satisfactorily for both of us. Magic, I tell ya!

      amelia 3 years ago

      i don’t get how women expect men to know what they want withoit telling them. it would be nice if that were the case because i feel like a nagging maestro puppetmaster telling everyone what to do 24/7! but let’s deal in real terms here! just ask him!
      yeah, the drive thru window thing! mine is so annoying about it sometimes i just want to punch him. “wanna have sex.” “u gonna give it up tonight?” um not bloody likely, I feel like a product and nobody cares how I feel unless it directly affects them. anyway. it is just little differences that add up. i know that isn’t how he means to come off. he is very supportive in lots of ways. i just feel pulled apart by all the needs of everyone. it makes me defensive and prickly and want to retreat. i need time to center myself and pull myself together without worrying about wveryone else. that is my thing as much as it has always been and i don’t blame anyone for it.
      as a stay at home mom, people think you have all this time to yourself but it isn’t like that.
      sometimes I wish I didn’t see ulterior motives in his touch. a massage is never a massage, it comes with expectation. but really, at least he still wants me. fat or thin. sick or well. he needs and wants me and that is beautiful. oh, and the sex is hot once we get going. can’t really complain about that.

        Chrissy 3 years ago

        Yes! All of what you just said is exactly what we had to work out because I got to the point where I always wanted to say no JUST because of how I felt about our interactions in general. We had been together for over ten years at that point so I pretty much would say anything to him so I just gave him the whole deal…”Look, I love you and want to have sex…I just don’t like feeling like an object in this house you get food and sex from. I know you didn’t mean that but tone and attitude and a TOTAL lack of savoir faire matters to me….so you will figure out a way to make it sound sweet and sexy and hot and like you cherish me…because you DO, dammit…or it will be a loooooong life, buddy…because we are in this thing for the long haul.”. More or less…in so many words. It worked, I tell ya, he took me seriously and worked on his game and very rarely says his classic, “wanna get it on?” or…shudder…”you want my hot beef injection?” with a leer and barely contained laugh. I am married to a guy with a seventh grade sense of humor. It’s fortunate he is actually super hot in bed because ugh. Anyway, he is awesome now about it and has been since before our oldest was born. I think it makes all the difference. It also doesn’t hurt that I try to initiate sex sometimes too….exactly in the way I hate but that he LOVES. Life is weird like that.

        Jamie Bartley 2 years ago

        I totally agree

Maddie 3 years ago

While well written I found this really really sad… I see way to many woman give up on offering any attention to their husbands during the years with young kids and then act totally gob-smacked that he went looking for some love and attention somewhere else.

The little kid years are hard.. I know I had 6 kids, we co-slept with them and I nursed them all for 2-3 years EACH.. I KNOW how hard parenting is but it is a hell of a lot harder with a grumpy husband or one who leaves all together.

Sex is still possible as parents.. just have to be willing to make it happen.. the cool thing is if you do.. you will have a better and stronger marriage for your efforts.. not to mention that the more you do it the more you will want to do it… it works out really well that way.

    Overly Opinionated Mommy 3 years ago

    well said, Maddie! I fully agree!

      Carynne 3 years ago

      AMEN to that! My husband and I LOVE LOVE AND ADORE to (Infinity and Beyond) our child. BUT…we adore and love LOVE each other as well. That animalistic attraction to each other didn’t disappear because our lives changed. We are together and chose to have a family together for a reason. Because we can’t picture life without each other… because the smell of his skin makes my heart beat faster…because we ROCK each others world! My point is, I REFUSE to let that part of our relationship fall to the wayside. Our “family” life is EVERYTHING to us. But our “romantic” life is just as important.

        Chrissy 3 years ago

        Absolutely true…we have three young kids and I love this guy too much to let that stop us from having sex! It is a priority right up there with fed and bathed children and getting homework done….except way more fun than those things. This type of conversation always illustrates that some women just like sex more than other women…and why not? We are all different. I would be depressed if we didn’t do the deed on the regular but I have very few girlfriends that echo me on that.
        I don’t think it is insulting to say that not having regular and satisfactory sex with your husband puts your family at risk of adultery and divorce. Why shouldn’t it? You entered into this arrangement with certain norms in your relationship and one of them was likely having sex fairly often…wouldn’t YOU be frustrated and perhaps feel rejected if, because of how exhausting the kids are, your husband no longer did something important to your well-being? Don’t kid yourselves, sex is important to your husband feeling loved by you. Endofstory. Just ask him.
        I know several men who are not cheating or divorcing but they are bummed and worst of all…resigned…ugh..to having sex a few times a year…less than once a month. The last thing I want in my relationship with this man I love is feeling of resignation about us.
        If you can make time to read hilarious blogs you can make time to love your man.

          Julie 3 years ago

          Ok, I just read this post while my kids were playing behind me… somehow I think CPS might become involved if I was “making love to my man” right now.
          I like sex, it’s a priority for me (more than for my husband, imagine that) and I think it’s important to make time for it. We have sex 2-3 times a week, although much like it’s described here- ten minutes when we don’t have a kid in our bed, not an hour long session where we’re ripping each other’s clothes off in beautiful ambient light. However, it’s totally insulting to say that men will cheat on you because you aren’t having sex enough. I have been with my husband for 13 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually turned him down when he wanted sex, usually because I didn’t feel well. Yet, he had an affair. Nothing to do with the amount of sex he was getting. A relationship is built on more than just sex- there are nights that we will sit on the couch and cuddle after the kids go to bed, watch a movie, have a snack- we’re both having fun, we’re being affectionate and we don’t have to worry about being walked in on by the kids. We kiss goodbye every time one of us leaves, we hold hands in the car, we make dinner together when we can… all of these show love, affection and attraction, you don’t have to be a sex goddess to show your husband that you love and appreciate him.

          Chrissy 3 years ago

          I am not saying a man WILL cheat on you, I am saying that in marrying these guys we love we are committing to relationship maintenance. So are they. You are reading things into my words that are not there. Never did I say a certain number of times a week was the point, though I will say my friends that avoid it for MONTHS are doing everyone in their house a disservice. Some men and women will cheat no matter what but it is well-known in the piles of research on marriage that a sense of physical intimacy is important to the survival of the marriage. Snuggling on the couch is awesome but just not the same…

          Overly Opinionated Mommy 3 years ago

          So true, Chrissy!

Overly Opinionated Mommy 3 years ago

while I can understand some of this when you have multiple children (3 or more) I don’t understand women that are this way with 1 or 2 children. I mean obviously if women act this way then their husbands don’t want to have sex with them. Maybe this top 5 list is the reasons why 60% of men cheat on their wives. I was ready to have sex with my husband 2 weeks after DS was born, I didn’t because I knew my lady parts weren’t ready. I guess I’m just one of those few women that actually enjoys having sex and being intimate with her husband and feels that intimacy is an important part of a relationship.

    Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

    I’m glad you enjoy having sex. But it’s not women’s fault that men cheat. It’s insulting for you to say so. And let’s not forget, women cheat, too. Even ones whose husbands have sex with them.

      zumpie 3 years ago

      Couldn’t possibly agree more (see my reply about cheating above). We only have one child, but when she was an infant, I worked an extremely demanding job that sometimes entailed 14 hour, incredibly hectic days—-and we were on opposite shifts.

    Beth 3 years ago

    I only have one child and work full time so between that and keeping my house form looking like absolute shit, yeah sex is one of the last things on my mind. I make an effort to do it once a week with my husband, and I usually enjoy it. You are clearly one of the lucky ones (as is your husband). There are quite a few research studies that indicate that women have sexual dysfunction that can’t be cured with a little pill.

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

      Beth- If only I could invent sex cleaning I think most of our sex lives would be better. I just have to figure out who holds the vacuum?!?

    SR 3 years ago

    Amen, sister!

Modern Mia Gardening 3 years ago

We have to keep the kids alive and have sex with our husbands? Oy vey.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago


    rachel 3 years ago

    That just made me laugh out loud……as my husband sleeps, my son eats breakfast, and I sneak 10 minutes to myself at the computer at 7 am…….

Tiffany 3 years ago

I remember the newly wed days. The days when inevitable I made sure we were ready for work with a half hour to spare since it was a challenge to not undress on our way out the door! Three kids, one being autistic later and sex was more something that I was lucky to happen once a week. Kids bedtime routine started at 7, and they were asleep by 8:30 if I was lucky. However, it was kinda fun to be playing around a la teenager days to make sure the kids didn’t wake up!

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    It’s like a game “how much can we get away with before we scare someone into therapy for life?” everyone’s playing it. XO

nicole 3 years ago

Lol, this is great. I gotta be honest here. Right now I’m so exhausted in life that I could care less about sex etc. I just want to sleep.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Luckily sleep is the new sex or so I read once. I mean, I wrote once… what’s the diff?

MILF Runner 3 years ago

A sitter for our numerous kids in our neck of the woods is $20/hr. We could do a date night walk around the block with a quickie in the car parked in the driveway. Anything else is breaking the bank. KWIM? That said, I’m finally in a place where the other things get a “hmmmm, that might work” – only because our youngest is finally in school part time and I get a bit of a break from the constant demands of days past.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    You did see that I tried the closet correct… kids were home… it did not work. But I think everyone should get an A for effort. Just like when I try to cook!

Rebekah L. Bowser (@rebows) 3 years ago


Kelly 3 years ago

Ha. Ha. Set my alarm an hour earlier. I already get up at 5:30am. And there is usually a kid on our floor ready to wake up at the first sign of movement or, even better, between us in bed. And we both work full-time, so naptime is during daycare hours… Wouldn’t it be nice if we all stayed home all day and slept in enough to get up an hour early! I guess we’ll have to settle for a quickie on the weekend in some random place in the house!

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Please, we’ve tried my closet… which is not a walkin. JK, it’s a walkin, but kind or a sidle in. Needless to say it ended in laughter!

    Jamie Bartley 2 years ago

    This is my husband and I’s situation. We have a three year old cosleeping with us so as soon as alarm sounds he is wide awake no matter what time it is. he never naps ever and we have to find secret hiding places to have sex while he looks for us and usually no clothes come off just moved out of the way to much time taking off clothes means he finds us and we loose the moment

Lisa Poltz 3 years ago

If one more person tells me I need a “date night” I will punch them square in the face. Thank you for the laugh!

I’ve also heard this one, wake your husband up at 2 or 3 in the morning to mess around. Are you kidding??? I’m lucky to get 6 hrs a night’s sleep. I’m deep in REM stage at the hour. I have better dreams than sex!

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    At that point I’m having sex with Brad Pitt, and since I’m not Angelina Jolie (well, that’s what I hear), I prefer to stay asleep as well!

Kim 3 years ago

OMG, hilarious!!!!!! Jenny, I think I love you.

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    I’d date you but, be warned… I don’t put out!

Lorrie 3 years ago

While I find this hysterical and too true, this was me after 3 kids, I am going through a horrible divorce. Besides the fact that my soon to be EX was a huge ass, my ideas about sex with kids were exactly the same. Him not so much, while I do think some of the magazine’s ideas are cliche and almost impossible, I will tell you from experience if you don’t make time for some of these suggestions, most men will find them elseware. So if you want your marriage to work, you have to make time for more than 10 minutes of sex.

    zumpie 3 years ago

    Actually, if a guy’s a cheater—he’s a cheater. Or it’s a sign of something even deeper than not enough sex in the marriage.

    My friend is the much younger (like 30 years) wife #3 of a guy who’s kinda a jerk. She’s also gorgeous, him not so much. No he isn’t rich (try flat broke), either.

    Anyway, she arrived home to tell him she was preggers to him almost cheating with someone who was sort of her friend. He was able to explain it away, and ignoring everyone’s advice, they worked it out (which is their choice and business).

    I’ve met plenty of women whose husbands cheated on them despite there being no children in the marriage, and their sex life overall being fine. Typically infidelity is less about lack of sex and more about other issues (with the individual or the marriage itself).

      SR 3 years ago

      In general I agree but I don’t think the above scenario is exactly “typical”. Unfortunately even a wonderful, sweet man will be likely to stray (even if just emotionally) if your sex life goes down the tubes. For men sex is not “just sex”, it’s the way they connect with us, express love and feel close to us. For men it’s the lifeblood of a marriage in ways that us women will never fully understand.

        zumpie 3 years ago

        Actually—those would be more ladies’ reasons for straying. Any therapist will tell you men do stray over sex, but it’s more them than you.

        Men stray because 1) humans aren’t really hard wired to be lifetime monagamous (civilization has just drilled it into us—-and that’s why 50% of marriages end in divorce and dudes in other (and older) cultures just cheat like crazy). 2) Madonna/whore complex plays BIG here. They really might not BE as into you after you’ve become a mommy. 3) Thrill of the chase/adrenalin rush—-which they most assuredly get from cheating…..no matter how hard you try to be the good available wifey.

        Mind you, I’m a mom and we just celebrating our 20th anniversary, but there’s a lot of mythology and men who cheat, are cheaters—and in all likelihood it ISN’T the wife’s fault.

          Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

          I agree, I don’t really think my hubs would cheat. Shit, did I put that in writing? OK now I have to watch my back and the fact that I’ve admitted to not much quantity in this piece, I may be screwed. Well, maybe the next girl will pick up some of the slack!

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Tell my hubby to hold out longer Lorrie!!! XO thanks for reading

    Christina 1 year ago

    I think it’s more that if you want your marriage to work, you have to be able to TALK about sex. For most of us, that’s harder to do than actually having it. Not putting out doesn’t force your husband to look elsewhere for emotional or physical fulfillment. If he is dissatisfied with your sex life, you need to talk about it and try to figure it out. I think at any given time, one of you will have a higher sex drive than the other; you might be recovering from giving birth, he might be stressed at work, one of you could have body image issues, etc. So talk about it! Maybe it’s ok for him to watch porn, or for you to read erotica, or for him to have sexy anonymous online chats, until the low sex drive partner is out of their “slump”. I know from experience that if you’re adding sex as one of your “to do” list items because you’re worried that not having it is going to ruin your marriage, it’s not going to be a positive experience!

Terri Moore 3 years ago

Thanks for the laughter you just caused by reading this….just so spot on true!

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Yay, terri… thanks for readingXO

Elizabeth 3 years ago

Love this!! So True. 1 Toddler & 1 baby later and Foreplay really does equal brushed teeth (maybe mouthwash too)! Setting the mood? Hmm, that would be taking off our shirts… instead of the usual quick dropping of the lower half coverings. Date Night every week?! HA! Once a month is tough to pull off. Naptime Nookie? Yes. However, that timeline pressure and “shhh, don’t wake the baby” shit makes it much less fun for one of us (me – can we say, taking one for the team here?) AND I completely agree… there is no way in HELL that I would wake up a fragment of a moment earlier than I have to in order to have sex. No F-ing way.

    Lei 3 years ago

    Haha at “taking off the shirt” as setting the mood. Yup!. That’s usually too much effort to put in!

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

      I would agree and it makes me crazy that we’re dressed on top, yet not crazy enough to move my arms the amount it would take to get my shirt off.

    Mike 3 years ago

    Well, I’m going to step in and provide you fine ladies with one man’s perspective. My wife and I have two kids, 6 and 8, and we went through a very dry spell for several years while the kids were toddlers. We have improved marginally since then, but our sex life is still not much more than once per month.

    Now, I fully realize that this article was written as a humorous commentary; however, I also feel that we joke about the things that concern us. If the humor didn’t strike close to home, then it wouldn’t be as funny to us readers and there wouldn’t be so many comments posted.

    I find it interesting that the first 2 ‘tips’ in the article both revolved around the importance of television, and trying to find time for intimacy without missing your favorite shows . From my perspective, it appears that television is equally as important as being intimate with hubby, if not more so. (Which do you do more often?) Now for my humorous, snarky sarcastic comment: I guess the TV will still be there for you when your man leaves to seek a reasonable amount of attention and companionship. For my wife and I, the TV is not a problem – neither of us watches it. Our problem, which runs parallel to the TV vs. intimacy issue, is her dedication to reading: books of all sorts. Every night without fail. It makes me feel as though I am about 29 times less important than the words printed on the paper. I think that the knowledge she is gaining through reading is wonderful, but she is doing it to the point that I feel that the books are more important to her than our relationship. What do YOU dedicate your time and energy to that makes your man feel second or third most important in your life? (besides the kids – I understand that one completely – they are the priority for both my wife and I). What habits do you have that could be throttled back a bit in order to shift some of your time and energy to your soulmate? Which is more important to you?

    I agree with the closing paragraph of the article – and challenge you to find a way to have both sufficient quality and quantity. Because the last sentence of the article is the likely next step if you don’t.

      Chrissy 3 years ago

      You sound just like my husband, Mike. I decided long ago that he was right and I was putting things like my reading before our time together. It took years for me to realize that I was hurting his feelings with a thing I liked that I could do at another time.

        zumpie 3 years ago

        Yes, how absolutely DARE you have any interests beyond pleasing your husband and always, always putting him ahead of any needs or wants YOU might have!

      Jen 3 years ago

      Gimme a break
      Do you give up watching football or playing golf for some nookie time?
      (Insert whatever manly thing you like to do if you don’t do those things)
      Women need downtime too besides hump time
      Or better yet help out more and therefore get more?
      Goes both ways dude
      Nothing makes me hotter than seeing my Hubby washing some dishes

        SR 3 years ago

        And nothing makes my Hubby want to put me first more than my giving it to him twice a week. We have 3 kids under age 4 and we’re expecting #4 soon, so I have all the same excuses too. But all you really need is a toothbrush and 15 minutes – and it relaxes both of us and keeps us smiling. Saying “goes both ways” and thinking “what is HE giving up for ME” is essentially keeping score. Do you really think that’s going to make you happy in your marriage? (If it does then by all means, continue)

          zumpie 3 years ago

          I don’t think that’s what she meant at all and I happen to agree, this idea of a wife taking time for herself and pursuing her own interests means she doesn’t care about her husband is bull. There’s an awful lot of male entitlement and Phyllis Schlafly going on here.

          As noted in other spots here—married for 20 years, together for 22. And yeah I’ve met plenty of couple who talked about how they “did it all the time”. They’re all divorced now

      Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

      Mike I’m glad you liked SOME of the piece, what can I tell you, there’s nothing more calming than a dramatic turn on Vanderpump Rules!

      not stiffed enough 2 years ago

      That gives both ways Mike. My husband finds his online gaming more important than coming to bed with his wife, who would gladly throw in foreplay AND sex more than once a week. I get a peck on the cheek and sent to bed like a good girl instead of quality time. So before you get too snarky about the females multitasking remember that you men pass up many chances to ‘keep the fire lit’. I won’t give up my sleep in the wee hours but when He isn’t working he could, and maybe join in the shower for that quicky. Just saying!!

    Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle 3 years ago

    Wow mouthwash??? You guys go above and beyond!

    courtney 3 years ago

    Taking off your shirts is a huge commitment! The bottom half is covered by sheets should the 6 year old barge in and declare his new trick of unlocking doors.


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