This is Motherhood

I’m engaged in an epic war with a toddler-walking-police-siren and a baby bumper car.

Zoe whines “WHYYYYY!!??” all day long in my ear while Kaiden clasps and bumps into my legs, while screaming at the top of his lungs to be picked up. I am literally a traveling piece of Velcro for these children.

Upon being picked up, Kaiden will immediately revert to playing DEAD POSSUM until he throws his limp body into a backwards tuck and I let him back down to the ground. I think we have Olympic Diver potential on our hands.

This insanity ensues all day long. Under my breath, I repeat this mantra: I JUST CAN’T WIN.

My kids are out to destroy me.

Nothing I do is the “right” thing. Everything is wrong.

Meanwhile, my two and half-year old has suddenly decided that nap time is so passé, Mom. You would think that sleeping was torture.

In my head, I am yelling:

“I WOULD TRADE ANYTHING TO BE YOU. YOU ARE SCREAMING FOR AN HOUR BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT A NAP?!”  I’m waiting for the magic fairy dust in 13 Going on 30 to appear.

I’ll happily trade being Jennifer Garner for being a child again. Though, on second thought, I never want to walk the halls of high school again.

I have a brief story for you. (Disclaimer: I judge myself for this story.)

My husband had to stay late at work the other night. I couldn’t reach him on the phone, so eventually I decided to have a date-night with my Kindle after a hair-raising day of children screaming every fifteen seconds.

Ahhh, peace and quiet. My Kindle happened to be dead, so I went looking in an old bag for my charger. I reached into the bag I had used to go away in February on the weekend with Chris, and lo and behold, I swiped a razor blade I had left in there (like an idiot) with my finger.

At first, I just stared at this finger gushing blood. It was so interesting, sort of fascinating and weird. I imagine that’s how people feel when they are heavily wounded. I was like, “NO WAY. IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME?”

Sometimes, I think I’m immortal. No, seriously.

When I was looking at my finger, I was offended. Like, how DARE THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRE TO HURT ME? I dripped blood, everywhere, all the way into the bathroom, and finally found a band-aid to wrap around my finger. I should have applied pressure first, but I was under the assumption (which Chris told me was wrong) that wrapping a band-aid was PRESSURE. Apparently, I was misinformed.

Needless to say, that little slice of finger became a waterfall of blood. I have to say: I was prettttty impressed by the amount of blood that was coming out. I began to feel VERY sorry for myself. After all, here I was, blood pouring out of me, a poor stay at home mom, unable to contact my husband, with no help in sight. All day long, I had wiped snot out of noses, cleaned up orange juice from the floor, and sliced apples. For this?! FOR BLOOD to gush out of my finger once I had a moment alone!?

Somehow, at the end of the next half hour, I had managed to convince myself that I was–for sure– a martyr.

I had laid down MY FINGER for my children and my family.

Then, I started to get mad. I started to feel unappreciated.

So…I concocted a very juvenile and mean plan. I would lay on the bed, not clean up any of the blood, and Chris would walk in on his poor, martyr-wife and feel very very sorry for not picking up my 15 calls.

Yup. I’m mortified about this now. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but Chris walked in a very dramatic scene: blood-soaked sheets, a blood-bath in the bathroom, and a conveniently outstretched hand that looked like a Zombie had bitten a piece of my finger off.

He thought I was dead. I am not kidding. My eyes were closed, and my hand was stretched out.

I don’t think I had anticipated that this might happen.

He rushed over and started shaking me.

I know. So terrible. I have no excuse.

These are the moments I realize that despite kids, despite all the supposed “unselfishness” I’m supposed to be building up in adulthood, I am still very much a twenty-something ridiculously dramatic mother. I am still me.

I’m still messed up, I’m still stringing together my motherhood moments, trying to love my children and MESSING UP every single day. There are days where I’m SURE that I’m a good mom, and then the next day, I’ll swipe my finger on a razor and have a HUGE pity party for myself and yell at my husband for not answering my calls when I was bleeding all over the bathroom.

This, my friends, THIS is motherhood. I’m just as impatient, just as dramatic, just as crazy as I was before.

You know what? This might be the time to truly accept myself and stop hiding from the ways I am ridiculous. Stop heaping guilt on this crazy girl that I am and start realizing that DARN IT, I’m doing the gosh-darn BEST I CAN. Motherhood has just exposed all of my eccentricities, all of my problems. Motherhood is DRAMA, people. And that’s okay. I’m a mess. We’re a mess. Welcome to life with myself, the martyr. Life is an adventure right?

My family loves me.

Even when I’m lying on my bed so that my husband will think I’m dead.

About the writer

Briana Meade is a millennial writer and blogger at She has published online at Forbes, CT Today, and The Christian Post.


Jennifer Few 1 year ago

This article is just amazingly hilarious. I can empathize with these scenarios! I love the humor that was used in defining the real challenges that mothers face daily. It’s very rewarding, so worth it, but yes challenging. If someone says parenting is easy, I am thoroughly convinced they are doing it wrong. As a single mom I take care of my 2-year-old’s needs all by myself, all day long, one minute to the next, while balancing everyday responsibilities such as house cleaning, school, yard work, and projects to bring in extra income. It can try to drive you insane some days when you feel you are juggling so much at one time. It does. I’m glad to see other women who don’t feel they have to keep that part of parenting a secret, or feel it makes them any less of a mother. It means they are doing a great job and trying really hard. My daughter does the same thing when I pick her up ‘arches her back and throws herself backwards,’ they can be so dramatic and entertaining. I think a lot of women feel pressure to appear as the perfect mother or family. My favorite line in the article was ‘This my friends, THIS is motherhood. I’m just as impatient, just as dramatic, just as crazy as I was before.” Being honest with yourself, having realistic expectations as to what being a good mother is, honest with the people around you, and a LOT of humor every day are essential to surviving the lovely, never regretted, wonderfully welcomed chaos.

Jennifer Few

Katie De Oliveira Anderson 1 year ago

yes i have, just like today and cant waaaaito to be over, cant stand the crying all day long in my head anymore, just want put my shoes on and run away wtih no destination!

SophiaLS 1 year ago

I laughed until tears ran down my cheeks. I love you, just LOVE YOU!!

Helen Russo 1 year ago

every damn day for the last 5 1/2 years!
And I’m here to tell you I’m crazier and far more impatient than I was!

Tina/@teenbug 1 year ago

“Even when I’m lying on my bed so that my husband will think I’m dead.”

BAHAHA. Guilty as charged. Been there, done that. And I don’t even have kids yet! Well the one in my belly doesn’t count yet right.

I’m all about the bleeding martyr on the bed routine. Hehe.

You are hilarious. Hope you get to sneak in a nap soon!


Kathleen Roberts-Ellinsky 1 year ago

I thought *I* was the only one who had Velcro kids!

Kristi Larson 1 year ago

Loved reading this! I remember those days with four little kids underfoot…..

Robyn Banks 1 year ago

Yes, sleep deprivation and frayed nerves will make a rational adult into a psycho. I’ve been to the edge a time or two myself. It’s how I know I’ve got a good man who really loves me and our family… Because I’m apparently crazy.

Marlene Clarivel Meza 1 year ago

I feel us moms need to be more honest about our daily struggles. By only posting happy picture perfect moments of our kids and portraying perfection, we are not supporting each other and instead making other moms feel that they are all alone in their struggles. We all need to be more honest.

Jeni Deisinger 1 year ago

So very true! I think I lose it far too often sometimes. I’m actually excited for school to start cuz my daughter’s starting FULL DAY kindergarten! I won’t even know what to do with myself all day.

Crazy Mama 1 year ago

Thank You! I so needed the laugh this gave me, and the comfort in knowing I’m not alone :) This is the best thing I’ve read all day.

Ypsi 1 year ago

I remember these ages and still have an eye-twitch and PTSD. Mine are 12 and 7 now, and it does get easier (in a way) but almost more crazy-making. No judging coming from here

Tina MacPherson 1 year ago

Sounds about right!

Lynne Harris Shaffer 1 year ago

I loved this. Thank you for the much needed reminder. We are all a little bit crazy and that’s okay. 😉

Jane Momofthree 1 year ago

Awesome. I am 28 and have 3 kids under 5. I’m super busy all the time, underappreciated, and am often cleaning up vomit while vomiting myself. There is no pity here. There is no break. Your blog gives me the feeling of “thank god I’m not the only one who does this or feels this way”. It’s refreshing to realize that it’s normal and I’m not alone. Your blog makes me laugh and allows me to continue my crazy job of being mommy.

Kylie 1 year ago

Yup me too. With a chopper blade. And I was pissed my husband didn’t pity me. Ha ha it hurt!!

Jessica Sanchez 1 year ago

Omg! This was too good! I think all stay at home moms feel this way at one point!

Heather Michelle 1 year ago

Omg I laughed so hard at the visual. When you feel sorry for yourself after many long days with the kids you just want to be taken care of for a change. I totally get it.

Jackie Bertalon Walsh 1 year ago

Sooooo funny!

Maharlika Monroid-Manarpa 1 year ago

Haha! This is so meeeee :) an everyday battle to my toddler.. yeah! And drama queen too *_*

Peggy Carpenter 1 year ago

lol…well, that was honest. Maybe now your husband will pick up your calls!

Katie | The Surly Housewife 1 year ago

You are not alone!! All of us have those “SCREW IT!!!” days. Sometimes it seems like good days will never come. They will :) My kids are past the clingy stage and now onto the neverending fighting days. Good times!!

Rachel Epperly Gladden 1 year ago

This is awesome! I lol’d when he was shaking her. (Husband then gave me a look)I don’t even have a warped sense of humor!!

Ashley 1 year ago

Oh, my, have we not all had those moments? I remember my six year old pissing me off so much that I actually hid in the corner and C-R-I-E-D. I was hoping she would see me, or anyone in the home for that matter, and come and apologize. Nope, she came up to me, tapped me on the forehead and said: ‘Your fake cry isn’t working with me anymore.’ Yep. Too many ‘fake cries’ apparently got me this time. I was the Mom Who Cried Wolf, and this time it bit me in the ass. Great post! Thank you for sharing! 😉

Lisa Martin 1 year ago

Love this page! I am having a ‘I hate being a mum day!’ :/ aaarggh!!!

Courtney Thomas 1 year ago

That is hilarious!! Id do something like to my husband in heartbeat. Because God knows if got even a paper cut it would be a trip to the ER!

Sarah Gray 1 year ago


Charis Andrews Hanberry 1 year ago

HILARIOUS. Way to own it!

Aarik Kimberlin 1 year ago

The single Moms are the double martyrs.

Sarah Bollinger Carlson 1 year ago

Yes, I had the day yesterday!

Marisa Slappey 1 year ago

Hilarious! Been there, done that. (Not the playing dead part, but the feeling unappreciated part.) Lol

Rachel Wenger Lehman 1 year ago

so. i laughed a little at the death scene that awaited the husband. Who amongst us mommies haven’t felt invisible, i ask you…dead, indeed!

Melissa Soar 1 year ago

Love it.. awesome story!

Adrianne Ward Burney 1 year ago

OMG, this is so true!

Tari Kindervater Clark 1 year ago

Yuppers. I’ve had the pity party when hubs had to work late or overnight shifts. Two kids, 7 and almost 3, that both resist taking advantage of the ability to nap. I have feigned sleep a few times, but I don’t think I ever managed to play dead though.

Attie Lordan 1 year ago

Oh lighten up it is not a competition between different varieties of mothers. We all have our moments and some are overly dramatic, the poor woman admites she was having a pity party of one.

Shante Jones 1 year ago

Cause that is something I would totally do!!!!! OMG! Amazing

Emmalynn Gray 1 year ago

While it is a funny story & would definitely suck at the end of a long day.. single mama here would just wrap it up, clean up, and go to bed. No one to get worried about me except me.

Laura 1 year ago

My kids just did that routine through two grocery stores, and my son mopped the checkout aisle floor with his stuffed animal while pleading with me for a matchbox car. Meanwhile the toddler unloaded the belt back into the cart while doing her imitation of a dying moose at the top of her lungs.

My husband accused me of overreacting twice this week when things fell on my toes. I would have probably done the same thing you did if I cut my finger. I’m not judging!

Michelle Brennan 1 year ago

I can see nothing wrong with that lol sometimes it just feels good to have a little drama. It stops life from being boring lol

Corey Burrell DeLuca 1 year ago

Loved this!

Brum Varadouro 1 year ago

just one day……

Jennifer Jones Marler 1 year ago

Bahahaha! Yes, oh yes!

Jessica Stetson 1 year ago

Yep. That was yesterday!

Erica Meyer 1 year ago

My life in a nutshell… Only mine is 3mo and I’m a single mama. I’m amazed I still have hair in my head

Megan Watson 1 year ago

Thank you for this. I love it and you.

Kelly Tallett 1 year ago


Cherie Herz 1 year ago

God yes

Cathy Del Rio 1 year ago

LOL!!! That was hilarious and totally made my day!

Alicia DeMarco 1 year ago


Jamie Benjamin O’Hare 1 year ago

Lack of sense?

Jamie Benjamin O’Hare 1 year ago

My husband has naturally very thin blood. When he hurts himself, he tends to shake the hurt appendage for several seconds. When he was home from college, he managed to spray blood all over his parents’ kitchen wall from a very small cut, then bandaged himself up, and went to his summer job. His parents were sure he died! He was not one to notice details when he was younger, so he had no idea he’d left blood all over!

Jamie Benjamin O’Hare 1 year ago

Subtract the blood. Add someone’s poop or vomit. Sums it up.

Melanie LaRosa Whyte 1 year ago


Jackie Doerner 1 year ago

I sliced the tip of my thumb off using a recently sharpened paring knife as a pry bar while my husband was on a business trip. Thank God for my friend who dropped everything and came over to bandage me up, listen to me cry and encourage me to say nasty words in a whisper so the kids wouldn’t hear in the next room.

Lynda Cleopatra Douglas 1 year ago

Yep! This is me….

Sara ‘Evans’ Himm 1 year ago


An-Marie Bartolome Villarin 1 year ago

Yes, yes, yes! I feel sad, amused, and relieved all at the same time =)

Crystal Zarate Boyden 1 year ago

Hah! The ending was funny! Not nice but funny

Akasha Pearson 1 year ago

I think at sometimes we all feel a bit like this

Marília Campos 1 year ago

LOL I will definitely try this when I get the chance! Ahahah

Tamara Glasgow 1 year ago

Wonderful article thank you!

Jennifer McCormick Jeffries 1 year ago

Yes. Every. Single. Day. Minus the blood though.

Emily McConnell Liedtke 1 year ago


Michelle Lardin 1 year ago

This is absolutely hilarious! I could see myself doing the same thing! Motherhood is trying, and it seems days like that happen when no one’s around to rescue you. At least sometimes I can look back and laugh at some of them and hope my children experience it themselves one day lol! Then and only then will they know how hard it is. :)

Nicolle Monoxelos 1 year ago

Ugh everyday! i love reading it. im not a SAHM with #2 but i work overnights so i almost feel like it until i go into work then its a game to see if the toothpicks under my eyes break under the pressure of holding my eyes open all day!!

Melissa Valdez 1 year ago

Yes…every day.

    Melissa Valdez 1 year ago

    Idk.. It’s horrible

Dot Whited McCumsey 1 year ago

Haha I have a serious cyst issue with my right ovary & every now & then I fantasize it’s my appendix because that means mom & wife gets to go to the hospital & everyone has to go home & let me rest.

Gianni Rodriguez 1 year ago


Shanna Hooper 1 year ago

Great read! My two year old is driving me up the wall now that he has learned he can refuse to do what he is told and doesn’t HAVE to stop doing anything. And then my husband has the nerve to be rational for once in his life and say “It’s okay. He’s only two.” when I reach my limit and start stomping around yelling “Why won’t he listen? Does he just not like me?”

Nicole Van Hoose 1 year ago

When reading, I actually thought that I could totally pull this off. Sometimes when things are just so not going my way, I just want someone to take care of me for a change and often the only way that happens is if someone thinks I am half dead.

Diane Burke Ptacin 1 year ago

Yep yep yeppity yep. Especially the never do anything right part. 95% of the feedback we get during the day is negative in the form of a child screaming or crying when they don’t get what they want.

KC Biedermann 1 year ago

Thank you for keeping it real! I love reading your posts

Patricia van der Veer 1 year ago

OMG I could have been this haha. Except, when something similair happend, I had to call my friend because I really needed stitches

Shya Gibbons 1 year ago

I am so glad to hear I’m not alone. My ten month old is refusing sleep. No fever, no rash, no problems. Being awake and playing with mommy for 20 hours out of the day is wayyyyy more fun than sleeping. Meanwhile I’m trying to control tv volume with my phone and putting milk back in the cabinets. He has won this war.

Terry Bennie 1 year ago

Three kids, ages 1, 4 and 6…..I’ve definitely been there.

Shannon Knox 1 year ago

This made me laugh so hard. The part about pretending to be dead, oh my god. Can’t we just get some attention for being so damned selfless once in awhile?! My daughter is a little “whywhyWHY” machine attached to my leg all day long and sometimes, yeah, it’s exhausting.

Rhia Bailey 1 year ago

I’m laughing so hard! This is me all over! Like the time I stood on a tiny bit of glass and my foot was dripping blood and i started hopping around begging my Husband for mercy and crying because it was all too much haha. I needed this!

    Heather 1 year ago

    I did the exact same thing! Except I stood there for a good 30 seconds, blood dripping out of my foot, tears streaming out of my eyes, until my husband picked me up and carried me to my couch. We had no bandaids, so we had to paper towel and duct tape my foot!

Felicia Winnett 1 year ago


faith 1 year ago

Ohhh… how true this is! My “crazy” comes out every now and again (you know, everyday) now that mine is a toddler. The mental fatigue of figuring out what is right or wrong all day long makes me crazy. I love my munchkin but some days are just too much. I’ve “martyrd” myself more than once!

Miranda Sexton 1 year ago

We have been up less than 2 hours and I already shut myself in her room and cried a little. Then was so embarrassed when I came out and she’s calmly sitting in the kitchen waiting for me. Thanks for letting me know I am not just a big bag of crazy (at least not the ONLY one)

    Crystal Shovlowsky 1 year ago

    I hide in the bathroom with the door locked and the fan running sometimes just to have some time to myself.

Ashley Marie Steinkamp 1 year ago

Is it something in the air making the little children go crazy today? My kids been nothing but grumpy and fussing at me all day no matter what I do.

Elizabeth Grattan 1 year ago

I probably would have kept playing dead just to get the rest.

    Jasmine Carroll 1 year ago

    This is SO funny!! Hahaha!

Natalie Richmond 1 year ago

Yes! Yes! Yes! Except I stopped at 2 little monsters. I can’t imagine more than 2.

Kristy Bidwell 1 year ago

Oh wow! Laughing a lot while feeling very sorry for the mum.

Alma Meyer-Wilmot 1 year ago

Well written! And can definitely relate!

Jessie Grinwis 1 year ago

That is both of my kids EVERY DAY! I’m not quite that dramatic with the blood scene but it does piss me off when something like that happens in my few minutes of peace.

Nikki Paris George 1 year ago

Did I write this?

Rhiannan Green Caraway 1 year ago

Today! This made me laugh though so it’s a win.

Marsha Mason 1 year ago

T-O-D-A-Y! I send you my strength…. well, whatevers left

Yonca Sarigedik 1 year ago

More often than i care to admit :)

Hannah Pedersen 1 year ago

All the damn time!

Rebecca Anne Mitchell 1 year ago

You are not alone! I did something similar but I had sliced my finger badly on a blender blade :-/

Nancy Lee Hensley 1 year ago

You just described my almost 2 year old son perfectly lol. You are not alone! I have a story similar, except I had a glass jar full of sand fall and bust on my outreached wrist, severing tendons and nerves. Looked like 5 ppl died in my kitchen that day.

Casey Fillpot 1 year ago


Vicki Mena 1 year ago

yep! today!


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