You Might Be a Parent If…

132 Comments
parents-walking-with-childImage via Shutterstock

1. You correct you coworkers and friends when they don’t say “please” and “thank you.”

2. You automatically cut your own food into teensy-weensy pieces.

3. You hum “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere…” while you do the dishes.

4. You would give your left arm for a brand new, fully loaded, top-of-the-line minivan.

5. Your idea of a good time includes going to Target, alone, on a Saturday night.

6. You have ever tried to re-roll an entire roll of unraveled toilet paper.

7. You’ve had to choose between an extra ten minutes of sleep and making it day day without a shower.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


8. You think staying up until 10PM qualifies as burning the midnight oil.

9. You think sleeping until 8AM is sleeping really, really late.

10. You spell-talk to others even when there are no K-I-D-S around to hear you talk S-H-I-T.

11. You’ve discussed poop with someone like you’re a couple of CSI investigators.

12. You’ve ever hidden in a closet to eat a cookie or have a glass of wine in peace.

13. You automatically tell your partner you’re SO proud of them after they use the toilet.

14. You’ve licked your fingers to clean something off your boss’ face.

15. You believe it’s completely OK to flip kids off behind their backs.

16. You’ve scooped vomit out of your bra.

17. You have walked around all day with barf down your back.

18. There is more food under your kitchen table than on it.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


19. You’ve removed something other than boogers from another person’s nostril.

20. If you and your mate feel more like tag-team wrestlers or zoo-keepers than lovers, you might be a parent.

21. You consider shaving your legs every two weeks shaving often.

22. People in other cars have caught you singing Hakuna Matata at the top of your lungs at a red light.

23. Everything in the top rack of your dishwasher is made of brightly colored plastic and there is never room for glasses.

24. You can carry on a coherent, excited, one-sided conversation with something that cannot talk back.

Might you be a parent?

Related post: 25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 1

    Dorothy says

    If you automatically throw your arm out to hold back a rider in the passenger seat when braking hard, you might be a parent (I’ve unexpectedly felt up a lot of boobies in the last twenty years).

    Show Replies
  2. 9

    Debbie says

    Good list for knowing you might be a parent.
    Here is one, When you leave your house instead of taking a purse with you it feels like you have a small suitcase, you might be a parent.
    If you go to pay for something at the story, instead of pulling out your wallet you pull out a zip lock bag full of gold fish you might be a parent.
    Thanks for the smiles and reminders. :)
    Debbie

    Show Replies
  3. 10

    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes says

    I adore The Gruffalo!
    And say what you will but sleeping until IS sleeping late…
    Also: if you go shopping for a new handbag you chose the one which can hold the most diapers.

    Show Replies
  4. 11

    Amanda Martin says

    Oh yes, a few of those. Definitely the hiding in the closet to eat cookies (or telling hubbie he has to take his upstairs). My car has so many Cheerios in it I sometimes think a strange creature lives in there with odd circle-shaped poops.
    I’d also add ‘if you can have a conversation with three people at once and not lose your train of thought’ or ‘if you always have wetwipes and offer them to strangers in need’ or ‘if you realise you’ve worn the same pair of jeans for a week’….

    Show Replies
  5. 13

    Kiwi says

    Luv it. #6 just happened to me last week. My friend and I got together for “girl time” on sun night and it included trips to walmart and target without kids :) And how about

    If you’ve ever asked someone over the age of 15 “Do you have to go potty?” you might be a parent.

    Show Replies
  6. 18

    Elizabeth Rolleston says

    Most of the above …. And if you are out for a walk with your other half, no children, and as you go to cross the road you hold him back by putting out our arm and saying “wait”.( Never going to live that one down). Definitely think I am a parent.

    Show Replies
  7. 20

    Momchalant says

    HAHA. I have so much more food under my table than on it, and it’s all over the floor. But, we just got a dog so it’s like a vacuum that I never have to plug in!

    Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>