Samantha Cappuccino-Williams
Latest posts by Samantha Cappuccino-Williams (see all)
- Unmedicated Childbirth Survival Tips - February 25, 2013
- You Might Be a Parent If… - February 12, 2013
- 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed - February 10, 2013
When a friend told me that she instructed her husband and his friends to use “inside voices” when they got riled up watching a basketball game, I laughed. “Yeah, you might be a parent,” I told her.
I joked, but I do stuff like that myself. Just last week I told my mother to be careful as she walked down the stairs in my house. My inner Jeff Foxworthy piped up: “If you advise other grown-ups to be vvvveerrrrrrryyyyyyyy careful as they go down your stairs, you might be a parent.”
I give it away that I “might be a parent” all of the time. I bet you do, too.
1. If you correct you coworkers and friends when they don’t say “please” and “thank you”, you might be a parent.
2. If you automatically cut your own food into teensy-weensy pieces, you might be a parent.
3. If you hum “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere…” while you do dishes, you might be a parent.
4. If you would give your left arm for a brand new, fully loaded, top-of-the-line minivan, you might be a parent.
5. If you previously swore that you would never, ever, EVER drive a minivan, you might be a parent.
6. If your idea of a good time includes going to Target, alone, on a Saturday night, you might be a parent.
7. If you have ever tried to re-roll an entire roll of unraveled toilet paper, you might be a parent.
8. If you’ve had to choose between an extra 10 minutes of sleep and making it day 3 without a shower, you might be a parent.
9. If you think staying up until 10pm qualifies as burning the midnight oil, you might be a parent.
10. If you think sleeping until 8am is sleeping really, really late, you might be a parent.
11. If you spell-talk to others even when there are no K-I-D-S around to hear you talk S-H-I-T, you might be a parent.
12. If you’ve discussed poop with someone like you’re a couple of CSI investigators, you might be a parent.
13. If a friend asks for a good book recommendation and you reply “The Gruffalo! It’s adorable!” without hesitation, you might be a parent.
14. If you’ve ever hidden in a closet to eat a cookie or have a glass of wine in peace, you might be a parent.
15. If you automatically tell your partner you’re SO proud of them after they use the toilet, you might be a parent.
16. If you’ve licked your fingers to clean something off your boss’ face, you might be a parent.
17. If you believe it is completely OK to flip kids off behind their backs, you might be a parent.
18. If you know the difference between Muno and Brobee, you might be a parent.
19. If you know who Muno and Brobee even are, you might be a parent.
20. If you’ve scooped vomit out of your bra, you might be a parent.
21. If you have walked around all day with barf down your back, you might be a parent.
22. If there is more food under your kitchen table than on it, you might be a parent.
23. If there are so many Cheerios on your floor that it looks like you use them as confetti, you might be a parent.
24. If you’ve removed anything other than boogers from another person’s nostril, you might be a parent.
25. If you and your mate feel more like tag-team wrestlers or zoo-keepers than lovers, you might be a parent.
26. If you consider shaving your legs every two weeks shaving often, you might be a parent.
27. If people in other cars have caught you singing Hakuna Matata at the top of your lungs at a red light, you might be a parent.
28. If everything in the top rack of your dishwasher is made of brightly colored plastic and there is never room for glasses, you might be a parent.
29. If it doesn’t strike you as inappropriate to sniff someone else’s ass or look in their pants for poop, you might be a parent.
30. If you can carry on a coherent, excited, one-sided conversation with something that cannot talk back, you might be a parent.
Might you be a parent?
{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }
If you automatically throw your arm out to hold back a rider in the passenger seat when braking hard, you might be a parent (I’ve unexpectedly felt up a lot of boobies in the last twenty years).
LOL Yes!!!
realmomofnj recently posted..How to Stop Cursing in Front of Children
I did that with my boss once… talk about akward.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Stories I tell…
And if you do that to the driver when he or she brakes, you might be a parent of a 16-year-old.
Oh yes, I do that alot. Especially to my 6’8″ 300# husband who then looks at me like I’m a nut job lol!
Oh yes, I’ve done that on several occasions – ALWAYS embarrassing! :O
I do that with the dog all the time. Sometimes my husband, too!
Yup. Every single one of these. And if you go to pour yourself something to drink but only give yourself half a cup, you might be a parent.
Arnebya recently posted..What Do You Remember From Kindergarten?
Good list for knowing you might be a parent.
Here is one, When you leave your house instead of taking a purse with you it feels like you have a small suitcase, you might be a parent.
If you go to pay for something at the story, instead of pulling out your wallet you pull out a zip lock bag full of gold fish you might be a parent.
Thanks for the smiles and reminders. :)
Debbie
Debbie recently posted..Whatever You Give a Woman She Will Make Greater
I adore The Gruffalo!
And say what you will but sleeping until IS sleeping late…
Also: if you go shopping for a new handbag you chose the one which can hold the most diapers.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Stories I tell…
Oh yes, a few of those. Definitely the hiding in the closet to eat cookies (or telling hubbie he has to take his upstairs). My car has so many Cheerios in it I sometimes think a strange creature lives in there with odd circle-shaped poops.
I’d also add ‘if you can have a conversation with three people at once and not lose your train of thought’ or ‘if you always have wetwipes and offer them to strangers in need’ or ‘if you realise you’ve worn the same pair of jeans for a week’….
Amanda Martin recently posted..The Roaring Lion of March: 2013 365 Challenge #71
Ahahah to all of these. And my toilet paper looks like that right now.
Luv it. #6 just happened to me last week. My friend and I got together for “girl time” on sun night and it included trips to walmart and target without kids :) And how about
If you’ve ever asked someone over the age of 15 “Do you have to go potty?” you might be a parent.
Yessss!!! My hubby was just hospitalized and his kidneys were funky while he was in there…I kept asking him if he had to go potty!!! Lol.
Our kids are 12 and 8. Hubby and I still say we have to go potty whenever one of us has to use the bathroom.
#7 … Or you have a cat :)
Hah, I thought the same on that one! ALthough usually when my cats do that, it’s impossible to reroll because it has become toilet paper confetti….
Most of the above …. And if you are out for a walk with your other half, no children, and as you go to cross the road you hold him back by putting out our arm and saying “wait”.( Never going to live that one down). Definitely think I am a parent.
Haha, I’ve done that one too!
HAHA. I have so much more food under my table than on it, and it’s all over the floor. But, we just got a dog so it’s like a vacuum that I never have to plug in!
Momchalant recently posted..PARKS, PUGS, AND PARTY PLANNING
I parent my girl friends, I parent my husband, I parent my 85-year old mother, I parent my labradors, I parent my teenage daughter. What I am learning to do is hide my parenting from my college kid – I do it in disguise….parenting never ends!
grownandflown recently posted..Mothers and Sons
I’d actually give anything to LOSE my top-of-the-line, fully loaded minivan. So you KNOW I’m a mom.
Stephanie recently posted..My New 47-Step Beauty Routine
I’ll take it.
Evalynn Rose recently posted..How to *properly* medicate your dog
Ha!! Also, if you start the same sentence 4 times but never get to finish it, you might be a parent.
Amy H recently posted..Game For Anything
How about if your purse weighs 20 pounds because it’s full of paper, crayons, markers, handwipes, playing cards and a plastic bag in case someone has to puke, you might be a parent.
Also when we go out and someone else’s child is acting up, I always quietly let the mom know that I’ve got plenty of things that she can use to distract her child. Most are grateful, some don’t react as kindly lol.
Oh, I just might be a parent. The other day I asked my husband if he remembered to wash his hands when he left the bathroom. How bad is that???
Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog at The Suburban Jungle recently posted..What Your Dog is Thinking – As Described By My Dog
I always do ask my husband. Always!
#20. I’ve never scooped vomit out of my bra but I have had vomit pooled up in my underwear. DD’s projectile vomit while I was wearing a nightgown. Honestly I didn’t even care since that meant it missed the white bedroom carpet.
If you’ve forgotten what hot coffee tastes like… (I’ve taken to ordering mine “extra hot” so that there’s a remote chance I get to drink it a little warm)
If you consider eating anything other than Mac and cheese (for the 4th night in a row) a “fancy” dinner.
3,4,5,6,8,11,12,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,28,29,20 all apply to me, lol.
great, ill go back and check which ones they are….NOT!
hahahah, yes to every one of those, except #4, because I still do #5. :-)
And #15, I still try to avoid discussing what happens in the bathroom with my husband. Of course, today’s blog post blows that out of the water if he reads it.
And I swear the gravitational pull beneath my kitchen table is stronger than anywhere else on Earth.
The Next Step recently posted..Don’t Judge Me – It’s been a rough week
Number 9 all the way!!! I love this!
♥ Talia
http://rubytiaradiaries.blogspot.com
Talia Jacole recently posted..utah fun and blog conference
I do all of these things lol. #12 I have done many a time haha.
Yes to all of the above!!!!
Mackenzie @ raisingwildthings.com recently posted..How My Placenta Helped Us Name Baby #3
If you feel like the maintenance personnel of a toy store in the middle of an earthquake, you might be a parent
When my daughter was still a baby I made this trilling noise with my tongue against the roof of my mouth that she LOVED. One day I walked into a coworker’s office and started doing it without even thinking. Luckily she had a daughter a month younger than mine and totally understood.
Jennifer recently posted..Being A Mom, What It Means To Me
And the parenting hits just keep coming. When I meet 18 some odd’s I feel jaded, and paint motherhood on either side of the spectrum, oh its amazing…I never felt better; or the ever prominant…..dont ever fucking do it, youll be miserable forever. Depennds on my mood that day. Does that make me totally horrible bitch…probably, do I care; not at fucking all.
If you always refer to yourself as “having to go potty”, you might be a parent.
There ain’t nothing in the whole wide world like a Jersey Girl…
;-) 732 representing…well ok I’ve been transplanted. LOL
Anywho- If, when going out in your own, you feel a million times lighter because there is children related paraphernalia in your bag- you might be a parent.
Gets me every time. I stop and stare at DH and the kids thinking, “I feel too light, what did I forget? Oh, nothing. I just don’t have a shit ton of kids stuff in my bag.”
And here’s a gross one, from a customer at my old job: You know you’re a parent when, for a lack of anyway better to help a stuffy, gagging child, you suck snot out of your child’s nose. True story. I was equally horrified and impressed when this story was shared. Even odder though, I was working at a hardware store at the time. LOL
Ack. Gratuitous grammar and spelling mistakes. Bah.
#24 If you’ve even pulled BOOGERS out of SOMEONE ELSE’S nose, you’re a parent. Because really….why would you pull boogers out of someone else’s nose otherwise?
How about: If you vacuum your living room three times per day, and there’s still enough cheeto and cookie crumbs in the carpet to feed a family of 8, you might be a parent.
I feel the exact same way. Luckily, we have a small dog in the house so she does get most of it. But lately she’s become picking about what’s being left on the floor. :)
HOW ABOUT IF YOU LET YOUR KIDS EAT AND GET CRUMBS ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE… YOU MIGHT BE A PIG. hOW ABOUT THAT?
If your top of the line minivan has enough half empty water bottles and crumbs to last for a week if you are stranded you might be a parent.
I liked number 5 and number 26 the best! I use to think I would Never ever in a million years want a minivan..
Tanya recently posted..The Best WordPress Anti-Spam Plugins for 2012-2013
If you always feel like you’re forgetting something important, you might be a parent.
Oh how I love to sleep til 8am!
If you have ever caught someone’s vomit with your hands, you might be a parent.
If it does not even phase you when someone walks up and wipes their snot/buggers on your clothes, you might be a parent.
Also when you always have double knotted shoes when you go out… You might be a parent lol
Yesterday I was at the pharmacy, talking with the woman at the counter, and I literally couldn’t concentrate on the conversation because she had a runny nose. It literally took every ounce of will power not to reach into my coat and grab a tissue and wipe her nose.
Jessica Smock recently posted..HerStories: How My “Grief Twin” Helped Me To Mourn My Dad
…or if you move everyone’s cups away from the edge of the table. I am NOTORIOUS for that one.
Me too!!
If you know how to do doughnuts in a mini van…
Evalynn Rose recently posted..How to *properly* medicate your dog
Awesome, just awesome! A few of these don’t apply, but man, they are dead on! I’m sure Jeff Foxworthy would be proud. Ha!
Hillarious! I love the toilet paper and dishwasher examples. They happen in my house daily. I love funny people!!
Cassie recently posted..Letters to Irritating People
I’ve never heard of Muno and Brobee (I’m Canadian)…
I know I’m a parent because my arm flings out to protect my husband at sudden stops in the car. :)
Murphy Must Have Had Kids recently posted..Funny Places Toddlers Put Stuff
If, while riding in a car, you point out the ‘horsies and cows’ in a field before you realize you’re with only adults……..yeah, you might be a parent.
*extra credit if you do it while in a funeral procession….I was redfaced but everyone said the laugh was needed right then.
You might be a parent if you walk into your bathroom and you’re completely not surprised to find it and the half naked child inside of it covered in poop
Great list! The only thing I don’t know is who ‘Muno and Brobee’ are…which makes me feel like it’s perfectly okay to deny that I’m a parent today based on that alone. Mom who? You talkin’ to me? Joe Pesci style.
You inspired me to resurrect this old FB note. I swear I’m not copying you. Because even kids know that is the ultimate annoyance ‘Stop copying me!’
http://imandreaandyourenot.wordpress.com/2013/03/15/you-know-you-have-a-few-kids-if/
Ugh, I thought those guys were from Yo Gabba Gabba! Dammit I feel like I failed some sort of quiz show. We are just too far up Caillou’s butt around here. Good thing I’ve got all this time to Google ‘Muno and Brobee’ and not empty the dishwasher.