You’re Probably Married If…


1. If the response to most of your questions is, “not yet,” you’re probably married.

2. If your response to most questions is, “It was on sale,” you’re probably married.

3. If you’ve found yourself saying, “Don’t swing that at the kids!” you’re probably married.

4. If ‘clean the toilet’ somehow precipitates the need for specific, step-by-step instructions, you’re probably married.

5. If you’ve ever asked your partner exactly when they’re due back at work, you’re probably married.

6. If you’ve ever had to define ‘appropriate shoes’, you’re probably married.

7. If you’ve gotten fifteen text messages from the grocery store, you’re probably married.

8. If you’ve ever had to describe the difference between a light piece of clothing and a dark one, you’re probably married.

9. If you’ve ever opened the dishwasher to find seven pieces of clean dishware (and two forks), you’re probably married.

10. If there are three Oreos left in the container, and the kids haven’t had any yet, you’re probably married.

About the writer

Stephanie is a freelance writer, humor writer, and blogger specializing in the areas of parenting, entertainment, pop culture, social media, and women’s issues at StephanieBernaba.comBlogHer, and Redbook Magazine. She is the proud and exhausted mother of three preschool-aged children, a husband with a rotating work schedule, and three cats. Her brood makes its home in Rhode Island. Follow her on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram.


The Hubby Diaries 2 years ago

I would have to agree with ALL of these!!! Plus about 20 more! :-)

    Stephanie 2 years ago

    Oh, me too, girl! Me too!

The Hubby Diaries 2 years ago

#7 made me laugh out loud. I wrote a post specifically about grocery shopping and the # of phone calls hubby makes to me… so many, that I should probably never delegate this task again (although, that’s probably what he was hoping for!!)

Monica M. Anderson 2 years ago

The sink is full! Is the dishwasher cleanl! !??

Shannon Barnes 2 years ago

Ok #4 was just thrown in there for a better laugh!!!!!

    Stephanie 2 years ago

    I wish I could say that’s what happened…

Elaine Whelan 2 years ago

I don’t get it…..

Lizette Alvarado Stradford 2 years ago

Lol, all the above!

Jill Hoffmann Mach 2 years ago

#10….I had to buy another bag of jelly beans b/c someone got into the bag that was supposed to be for the Easter basket.

Susan Curley Milone 2 years ago

Oh, the text messages. The bane of my existence.

Naomi Michelini 2 years ago

Yes to all. But switch Oreo to shortbread.
Oh, and we’re not even due to get married until May next year.

Kylie 2 years ago

Yup. Except that last one. That’s me;)

Cheri West Jones 2 years ago

I experienced several of these just today.

    Stephanie 2 years ago

    Ha! Hi Five (or not)!

sammie 2 years ago

Sooo funny!!

Carin Ekre Anderson 2 years ago

Oh I could totally add to this! Lol spot on

Mae Murray 2 years ago

The dishwasher just finished a cycle with the plates and some forks in it.

Jenny Thomson 2 years ago

Hell yeah!

Stephanie Bernaba 2 years ago

I’m just glad other people have been forced to sit through GI Joe 2!!

Kimberly Koppenhafer 2 years ago

The answer to all my questions is “uh huh” and the answer to my followup question, “are you even listening?” is always “huh?”

Deborah Fredell 2 years ago

The last two are spot on. I actually opened the dishwasher for a spoon, half full, and the detergent container was still closed, which means the foul smell was the DIRTY dishes that have been sitting in the dishwasher since last Sunday!!!

JD Katsonis 2 years ago

Yes, yes, and yes!!

Kari Moore 2 years ago

Yes to all of these!

Emily Moyer 2 years ago

Oreo container is so my house!


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