Allison Hart
Latest posts by Allison Hart (see all)
- 10 Reasons Not To Play With Your Kids - November 7, 2011
My husband’s Saturday morning ritual of making pancakes with the kids has been replaced recently by him going to work instead. This makes my “sleep-in” day vanish entirely. I never really got to sleep-in anyway, but there was hope. What’s life without hope?
This past Friday night as my husband reminded the kids that he won’t be here in the morning, I overheard my son complain, “But Mommy never plays with us. She’s always just on the computer.” Cue the mom-guilt. I promised that I’d play games with them after I finish my first cup of coffee in the morning. Despite nursing that first cup of coffee and hoping they’d forget, they showed up at my desk with arms full of board games. So we played. And I quickly remembered why I don’t play games with my kids…
1. The sore loser. Whether it’s really losing the game, or just having to go fish immediately after a sibling got a set of four, my kids are monumental sore losers. They cry, complain of unfairness, and spread misery with alarming generosity.
2. The Obnoxious Winner. Ha ha! I won. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I won! Oh yeah! You lose! Ha ha…. This winner’s dance of gloating lasts until someone cries.
3. The Cheater. The kids lie, peak, steal, grab, stack decks and try whatever else is possible to give them an advantage and make the game suck more than it does naturally.
4. The Gang Up. My kids don’t understand that if some non-self-person is going to win, it does not matter which non-self-person that might be. Instead, they have some sort of ranking of which non-self person is the least/most objectionable winner. They band together, conspiring so that the most objectionable non-self person does not win. I am always the most objectionable non-self person.
5. The Never Ending Game. Chutes and Ladders*. ’nuff said.
6. The Back to Start Game. Any game where a roll of the dice or selection of a card results in a person going backwards towards the starting point inflames sore losery, inspires cheating, lends itself to attempted conspiracy, and then never ends.
7. The Mind Numbing Stupidity. Children’s games generally suck.
8. The Mess. Children’s games come with parts, pieces, cards, sticks, marbles, dice, timers, boards, and other small objects. These pieces are inevitably left all over the place and/or lost. A lost card from a game of Memory? Sucks. A lost piece from Sorry? Stepped on. Ouch!
9. Ending the Play. I remember reading once that children are like batteries in that you can “charge” them with some attentive play and then they’ll be more ready to play independently for some time, as they’re all filled up and satisfied with love and attention. This is either total bullshit, or my kids need to read that book too. There is no way to extract myself from playing with them that doesn’t end in anger/tears for all involved.
10. The Begging. If we do something fun with the kids once we are then stuck with them begging for it again for the rest of our lives. My kids beg for fairs, parades, skiing, swimming, roller skating, movies, sledding, ice cream, candy, gum, restaurants, late bedtimes, the beach, Christmas, birthday parties, friends’ houses, cookies, zoos, Grandma’s house, popcorn, plane rides, bus rides, train rides, etc, etc, etc all.the.time. If they’ve never done something, then they don’t know to beg for it.
*Snakes and Ladders to some of you. Because it’s completely normal for people climb ladders and slide down snakes. Totally makes sense. (?)
{ 71 comments… read them below or add one }
I totally feel you. I only have one child and while for the most part I love having an only child, the constant playmate role does grate on me sometimes. I’m developing the skill of playing while also reading blogs at the same time, but I’m still working on it.
And you are not alone with No 9. I read that once too – unfortunately my kid hasn’t read the book either.
#7 – Mind Numbing Stupidity. THIS is why I hate playing games with my kids. I need multiple glasses of wine to endure Candyland. Which isn’t acceptable on a Thursday morning, even for me. So, you know. NO GAMES.
Ok, but seriously though…. how much am I supposed to be playing with my kids because I actually AM always on the computer… does that make me un-mother of the year :-(
Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog recently posted..Motherhood is Funny, but this Shit is Serious – The Great Debate: Ball Taps -vs- Birthing Babies
i bought mine an ipod for christmas. now we “play” games virtually.. on my time schedule. sorry hunny, mommy hasnt had time to respond to your play on songpop/draw something yet!
Aw that’s cute! When mine gets a little older, I think I’ll do that too. I have good days and bad days but sometimes I just have so much computer work to do I feel like I’m always telling him “in a minute, in a minute”…
Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog recently posted..Motherhood is Funny, but this Shit is Serious – The Great Debate: Ball Taps -vs- Birthing Babies
#7 chutes and dumb-ass ladders…. Ugh
ahhh! it’s so refreshing to hear other Mom’s views which are so close to my own! lol I have 5 kids so I try to do the least amount as possible! ;)
Oh how I love truths!! And that I am not alone :)
#9 & #10 – for realz.
#5- also applies to Monopoly!! When I used to nanny, I taught the kids that after one trip around the board, the game was over and whoever had the most money won. BEST DECISION EVER.
Live this! That is hoe the game shall be played from NOW.ON!
Love this! That is how the game shall be played from NOW.ON!
A word to the wise…why feel guilty? I am a single (divorced and ex lives in another country) mother. I work 8 -14 hour a day and I also do the laundry, clean, grocery shop, prepare for the next day, remind them of every little thing they need to do do be ready in the AM (shower, are you dressed yet??? eat!, brush your teeth!, where are your socks?!, homework??? WHILE working East coast time living in the West) and chauffeur them to school and daycare, assist with homework after school, discuss day and make food, get them settled for the night. I’m not sorry if I do not want to play a game with them. Uh uh no way. 99% of my time is already dedicated to them…I will take any time I can get for a glass of wine and a good book or to get something extra cleaned. Let them drag out the never ending monopoly, argue about who gets to be what ,cheat each other and then end by leaving the multitude of pieces spread around the house. Unless there is blood shed there is no need to become involved.
Exactly.
Until my inevitable mom-guilt hits and then there will be 5 seconds of merriment where I put together a Lego something-or-other or I chase after them until I realize I stopped working out a long time ago and can’t breathe…and then I let them entertain themselves…
But yes, as the sole caregiver with no help from an ex husband, I have learned that it’s ok if I don’t play the games – and I really REALLY hate Candyland and Chutes & Ladders…who’s dumb idea was it to make games for small children that involve a million pieces?!
Seriously! All of this.
And, my four-year-old currently thinks EV-ER-Y-THING is a competition, and actual competitions? If he doesn’t win them? Devastating.
Carrie recently posted..Top Mom Blogger – Site Review and a Giveaway, Too!
My girls are 9 and 12 and STILL like that! Hopefully your 4 year old will outgrow it sooner than my girls. The good news is most do!
My girls are 6 and 3 and EVERYTHING is a competition – getting in the car – “I got in the car .2 seconds faster than you”, eating, walking, BREATHING! I tell the 6 year old all the time, this is not a cometition!
I’m TOTALLY with you. It’s not so much the board games that are our problem; it’s the forts. My husband disassembled the cushions on the couch and the chairs in the living room and, together with some blankets and the kids, made a fort for fun. The girls loved it. I got home from work to find them all laying on their bellies in this cave of cushions and bedding, giggling their little heads off, watching a movie while snuggled up with their dad. The sight was precious. The next night, the same thing, except my husband was playing a video game and the girls were fighting because one wanted the fort just one perfect way, while the other wanted to rebuild. Every night for two weeks this happened. Finally I put a stop to it, saying forts are only allowed for nights when both my husband and I are home and in the mood to help out/supervise. But they still BEG for it. And FIGHT over it. And try to make forts regardless of instructions not to. And make an ungodly mess of my living room. It makes me want to tear. my. hair. out. Or yank one of the kids up and beat the other with her. (I wouldn’t REALLY do that… But I do think about it from time to time.)
Anyway, I know it’s not board games, but we’ve got almost all those reasons apply here too (and I’m sure in many other activities). Thanks for making me feel better about it. :)
Erin W. recently posted..Charlotte
We bought our couches before we had kids, they recline so no cushions. After the kids came I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to make forts with my boys. Then I stayed at my sisters house and experienced what it was like to mix cushions with toddlers. No thank you!
Seriously! Why do kids have to cry when you’ve spent the entire day with them and you just want some time to yourself?
Mercy recently posted..Happy New Year!
I feel so validated! For all of these reasons, I avoid (unsuccessfully) games like the plague!
Thank you for this list!
Kerry at HouseTalkN
awesome…..I laughed so hard.
The house board game rule when my kids were little was that the winner had to clean up and put away the game. It actually worked quite well to curb the gloating of the winner and the whining of the loser. Didn’t make Candyland any more fun, though.
Great idea!
You, Lady, are a genius. New house rule will be implemented the next time I fail at avoiding the game-hell.
I’m supposed to play with them? I thought that’s why I had more than one. Crap.
Exactly. My boys are too little for board games but when they’re older they’ll play them with each other and I’m of the hook right….right?!?!
All totally true, however, the benefits outweigh the negatives. Ditch the stupid games and make up your own, let the kids lose, and stop being the ‘obnoxious winner’ (which was obviously you since the kids can’t lose and win at the same time). I think your post is hilarious but I learn long ago, there are some things you just have to do. and playing with your kids is one of them.
Sounds like your kids have picked up on your poor attitude. Games are great opportunities to step up and try to teach them sportsmanship, rules, structure, and compassion. It isn’t easy, but then again no one said parenting is. Step up.
So true–ALL OF IT. I get the “You’re always on the computer!” guilt trip just for checking email when my child is home. It’s age-appropriate and doesn’t mean I’m neglecting her. Also, there are some games I will play with her and others that make me want to stab my eye with a dull pencil. My ex is a Disney dad who entertains our daughter every minute she’s with him, so I have somewhat of an uphill battle convincing her it’s not my job to play with her all the freakin’ time.
p.s. To Tommy (above). Kids need to learn to play by themselves–it teaches creativity, imagination, and independence. Step up to that.
Laurel recently posted..Koyaanisqatsi (Life Out of Balance)
You young moms think you have it bad? Try playing games with teenagers. The board games they play have these medieval warriors with special powers and who cast spells that take your life points away. They have weird names like Growden and Sunderved and there is no way in hell I can understand any of it. After a while they sense I am so far gone, they feel sorry for me and let me leave.
I still like those kinds of games, and look forward to when my kids are old enough to play them. But I can only take so many rounds of candyland. Also having the 9 yr old insisting on playing chess and then the 7 yr old insisting that since you play chess with older brother you have to now play mancala with her (notice their favorite games are long and only 2 player) and if you can’t you cause the 6 yr old also wants to play a game and the 3 yr old and 18m old need attention game playing with mom quickly goes down hill. And daddy works so much we never see him but 1- 2if we are lucky days during the week.
I absolutely feel the same way! Another problem though is they never understand the game or have varying degrees of understanding. So then I have one screaming “that’s not how you play it!”. I feel bad though, never wanting to play.
We suffer greatly from 1 & 4. It gets better the more you play, and we call games to a screeching halt when #1 comes into play, even if #4 is in motion at the time. Because if you’re willing to be part of the gang, you also have to be willing to be the victim of the gang.
This is why I’ve pushed all of my children into story writing and drawing. It’s easy to join in and they’re so proud of their own work that they’re naturally responsible for their own materials and messes. Board games stay at the VERY TOP of the closet and only come down on game nights…which should happen more often than they do LOL.
I can’t. stop. laughing.
I have three kids – oldest is 4.
I was the CHAMPION of Sorry growing up. My poor parents probably played that damn game at least once a day for a good 5 years (and no, that is a sad reality and shows that my parents were way better parents than I am). I am counting the days until my kids ‘get’ Sorry. I am obsessed. (And I need a new hobby since your mention of Sorry made me wish my kids would want to play with me…blogging definitely not taking up as much time as it should). LOVE the post. Come and visit the Candy Jar, too!
Candy recently posted..The Gift
It’s like you’re hiding in my living room behind the curtain. Creepy. No really, it’s creepy, stop hiding behind the curtain in my living room.
*clever emoticon*
LOL. This made me laugh. Especially *clever emoticon* OK, I’ll leave your living room now.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Why I Don’t Play
I get it, I really do. But how do you think children learn how to be better behaved at winning, and losing, and understanding rules, and cooperation, or competition? Guide and teach them, and show you care.
that’s all I”m saying too!!
I wouldn’t know that I hate playing games with my kids if I didn’t do it sometimes.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Why I Don’t Play
#9, JEEEZUS, yeah. And then my husband returns home from work and does something fun with them to stop their crying and whining and they all look up from their game to stare at me balefully.
If my kids leave their games out and only one tiny piece is missing I throw the whole thing out so we don’t have to play anymore. I do remind the NUMEROUS times to take care of it because I will throw it out, they don’t listen.
Heather @ Kraus House Mom recently posted..They Did WHAT?
Chutes and ladders–so true! And the endless begging, #10, I’m right there with you! I’m hoping one day we can get all the moms on the block together and burn Candyland.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted..Signs that it’s time for Winter Break to be over
My son received a game for Christmas called “Fibber”. It’s a lot like the drinking game “bullshit”, only there’s no drinking. So it’s really sad.
juice for the kid, wine for you! teach em early ;)
I feel like #10 totally validates the fact that I’ve been depriving my kids all these years; it keeps their standards low. Really low. And by “really low,” I mean “realistic.”
hollow tree ventures recently posted..101 Reasons To Leave Your Christmas Tree Up
I hated board games with my kids when they were preschoolers but now that they are 8 and 10 we have a pretty good time. I think it depends on the game. We play lots of Uno, Hangman and Connect 4 because they are quick. Also because my kids are close to the same age they can play nicely with each other on two person games. We love Clue Jr, Apples to Apples and 5 Second Rule.
Also I buy travel versions of games instead of the full version because they are smaller and the pieces are better designed.
Very sad that so ,many of you do not enjoy playing with or doing fun things with your children, I bet any parent who has lost a child, for instance the recent shooting in Newton, would give anything for a chance to play just one more game with their little ones, or have one more family outing with them….how very sad and selfish for all of you to think this way and complain about having to be a parent, your children were not asked to be born, but you chose to bring them into this world, and now you are a parent, if you don’t like the way they act when playing a game, such as being a sore looser or cheating, well those are things a parent is supposed to teach their children not to be/do, if you don’t like that they beg for more of the fun things you do, teach them not to, and it is not a child’s fault of any parent doing it all on your own, so don’t make them feel bad and pay for that…they are your children, you are their parents, you chose them, unfortunately they weren’t able to choose who their parents were. they love you, you should feel grateful they want all of your attention..and ummm if you don’t like the games they, have..buy different ones or make some up..very simple!!!
Why is it that parents aren’t allowed to be dissatisfied with a facet of parenting? It doesn’t mean we love our children any less. I have a feeling every single parent reading and/or commenting here held their children very tight in the days after Newtown, and we are all WELL aware how fortunate we are. That doesn’t mean that every single moment of parenting is fun and sunshine.
I wouldn’t give up my children for anything in the world, but I also won’t paste a plastic smile on my face and for two moments pretend that some parts of parenting don’t suck.
This particular post was about a moment that sucks – written by a mother who was VERY shaken after Newtown. You should go read THOSE posts if you want to know about the depth of her love for her children.
There is humor in this life, and sometimes it’s found by laughing at the insanity of parenthood.
Oh believe me I know it’s not all sunshine when it comes to being a parent, and I know we all need humor in it sometimes…just try looking at the post from your childrens’ eyes and imagine how a child would feel reading something like this that a parent of his/her has written….just a thought
Thank you, Michaela. It was hard for me to get my normal writing voice back after Newtown, as you know if you read my blog.
Heather, I love my kids more than anything. I am a humor writer so my job is to take one small detail and create something funny out of it. This post is in no way reflective of my gratitude for my children. And as far as my kids reading it one day? I think they’ll laugh. I hope they have a lighthearted sense of humor and can laugh at the antics of their younger selves.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Why I Don’t Play
Well said, Allison!
I agree JD. It’s a tiny thing that a bunch of mothers (most of Allisons readers) can relate to. It’s cute and funny, nothing more, nothing less. Thanks Allison, I can totally relate, and even my husband “the player” calls chutes and ladders “the never ending game”. I have never in my life heard it called chutes and snakes…. :/
We’re not to this point yet, but, whoa, boy, I CAN’T WAIT!!
Stephanie recently posted..Surviving Home Improvement Projects with Your Better Half
I like to just shove them out the door and close it behind them! Really though, I do find as they get older, the games are much more enjoyable. I love playing Skipbo, trivia games and even building legos with them. It’s the playing “cat” that I just can’t take…
And for the life of me, I don’t think my Mom ever picked up a Barbie or a bike during my childhood. This “playing with your kids” thing is new.
Audrey recently posted..Barbie says "Math is hard!"
Ah, Allison – you have given me the best excuse not to take my kids to attractions and special events ever. After all, the last thing I need in my life is to hear BEGGING all day long!
I don’t even give my kids DINNER. You do that once and next thing you know, the next day they’re all, “I’m HUNGRY!” and asking for food. So just don’t even go down that road.
Julia Magnusson @ It’s Not Like a Cat recently posted..A New Year: Where’s the Yoga?
Haha. Good point! Damn. I wish I could go back and never teach my kids about snacks.
LOL Julia!!
It is so interesting to me that your children desperately want your attention, they love you, yet you seem so irritated by their interest. Yet you turn around and want other peoples attention and want them to enjoy reading your blog. Seems very hypocritical. Try to take as much time enjoying your children’s mundane games for just as long as it takes you to write this blog. Listen to what they have to say, their laughter, and how much they enjoy spending time with you.
Many parents work and/or volunteer, taking time and attention away from their children. I am a writer and humorist. The time I spend writing is my time working on my career. Are all working parents hypocrites, or just writers and bloggers?
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Mommy is not in the picture
some of yall need to reconsider your mommy roles. you have to be there for your children. not saying 100% devoted to what they wanna do, but your just as bad whining & complaining about the game as they are during the game. & if you dont want your kids to be acting like that, do something about it. give time for your kids. quit being so lazy. being on the computer all day is doing absolutely nothing for children except that mommy ignores them. there is a time for everything. make time for your children
It’s impossible to win. Today I posted about balancing weekends between grown up time and kid-centric time and most of the responders railed me for making my kids the center of the universe, that they need to play on their own, that a parent’s job is NOT to be a playmate. So, whatever. As far as being on the computer being lazy and doing absolutely nothing, um, it’s my job.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..In case you missed it
Wow. Lots of haters on this one. I saw a quote the other day…
“When reading a humor blog, it helps to have a sense of humor.”
How fucking true.
p.s. Great post Allison. In fact, I’ll start following you pronto.
word
Best quote! Thanks.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..In case you missed it
omg.. I f*ing hate Snakes and Ladders. I bought it for the 4 yr old for xmas. Worst. Decision. Ever. He wants to play the damn thing non stop. I guess it never occured to my mommy brain that I would actually have to play it with him.
And I don’t feel guilty for not playing with them… I still love them, cuddle them, but seriously I spend like 95% of my waking hours either working or tending to their needs… Mommy needs a break… Go see Daddy or play with your sister… cause seriously, that’s why we got you a sister.
Oh so glad i’m not the only one. I’ve always felt so guilty about not liking the games. I always come up with other things to do with them, like hide-n-go-seek or bake a cake. But play a kiddie board game…ahhhh. And all those little parts that are missing is just an added disaster.
Sounds like this article could be titled “Don’t let having kids cramp your style… ”
I personally love playing monopoly, Othello and Set with my kids…
And then there’s the video games…
I am never “bothered” by begging for more, it’s proof of the really great experiences we shared together. I want them to always crave for more fulfillment throughout their lives…
One magical day we played a game of chutes and ladders in 5 minutes. Best. Day. Ever!