How to be a Good Wife

Want to Know How to be a Good Wife?

With three young kids, jobs, a new house and just general life, my marriage could use some TLC. Sure, my husband knows that I love him. But, do I love him well? Turns out, I have some things to learn.

Imagine how excited I was when I stumbled upon an inspirational site. There is a challenge called “Loving Him Well” that just started this week. By participating in this two month commitment, I’ll make my man happier and more fulfilled. Through that, I will become more fulfilled myself. For, a happy husband makes a happy wife. That’s what it’s all about!

This enlightening video lays out the plan:

Are you excited? I’m super excited! Here are the weeks that I’m especially looking forward to:

Ask your husband every morning how you can pray for him that day.

Bonus: Fast and pray for him one day this week. (I especially love the idea of combining the fasting and the praying. Two of my most favorite things!)

Make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask him to prioritize them for you of what is important to him.

For example – a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc. (Not sure about you, but Jeff gets really excited when I clip coupons! That’s going to top the list for sure!!)

Make him a priority.

Ask him what his favorite dinner, dessert and drink are. Be sure to serve him all three one night this week. Bonus: cook his favorite dishes all week long! (Homemade pizza, Chinese food and burgers, here we come!!)

Support his vision.

Discuss his vision for your family. Where does he see your family in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. Share with us how you let your husband lead. (We’ll follow wherever he may lead.)


No complaining, criticizing, rolling your eyes, nagging, or giving him any friction this week. Enjoy a week of peace in your home! (No friction at home- yay! Except, maybe in between the sheets, if you know what I mean! Wink, wink!)

Fun, right?! I can’t wait!

It’s really amazing to have found a site that is so in line with my personal values as a mother, a wife and a woman. The most exciting part? That there are 127 other women whom I can find so much in common with. Gee whiz, it’s almost too much for me to bear!

So, are you with me, dear readers? Can we all commit the next two months to becoming the women our husbands really want? Women that serve them, worship them and put them first? I know that I can’t wait to jump right in!

About the writer


What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill Smokler’s stay-at-home days with her children, quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Welcome to Scary Mommy!


Heather B 2 years ago

Thanks for your comments on how to be a good wife, Jill. It’s ironic, everything you’re saying lines up perfectly with a brand new book I just finished reading called “The Wholehearted Wife: 10 Keys to a More Loving Relationship,” by Erin, Greg and Gary Smalley. It is centered on changing ME and aligning myself with God and what he wants from me as a wife. Biblical, inspirational, affirming. One of my favorite quotes is, “”If you want to have a more loving relationship with your husband, remember that he’s a gift from God, a treasured possession – just as you are. As a Wholehearted wife, seek to honor him each day by cherishing him and affirming his value. Treat him like a Stradivarius!” I highly recommend it!

Philomena 3 years ago

You’re a good woman and a good wife. Be brave in the face of adversity.
“Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:10

bonnie anderson 4 years ago

This is a great way to keep your marriage alive and I love the core values you share about what marrige is suppose to be.

zoe 4 years ago

Thank you. I will follow this as I have lost my sight on how important my husband is!

Kim 5 years ago

How do i deal with my husband and facebook?

SinnerElla 5 years ago

OK, so I have a few little comments that I would like to add, though this post seems almost as old as the head of lettuce that’s probably in my veggie drawer in my fridge.
1. It would be less painful for my husband, children and myself for me to punch myself in the throat with a brick repeatedly than it would for me to even attempt this “Challenge”.
2. I feel that the sarcasm in the post above is perfectly acceptable as no one here has forced anyone else here to read said blog post.
3. I do not agree with bashing another’s beliefs in their religious view. I do, however believe in calling a spade a spade and pointing out the obvious (no matter how trivial, rude, abrasive or repugnant my choice of words may seem) that this view of a marriage seems very insecure and 1 sided. If a wife (or husband, for that matter) feels the need to literally change who they are for 2 months to be happier in their marriage, then there is something really fundamentally wrong with that marriage. (and probably said wife or husband)
4. I feel that doing things for my husband comes naturally to me (as it probably does with most wives who are happy in their situation) but please remember that at some point, no matter how happy I am there will be at LEAST a minimal amount of grumbling, complaining, eye rolling, nagging, and eventually cussing.
5. I don’t think that the whole basis of selflessness is wrong, just the way it’s gone about here. Why would one need a list supplied to them in the order of another’s chosen priority? As mothers, domestic CEO’s and wives, we pretty much see and know better than anyone else in the home, the list of priority in which things NEED to be done, no matter what anyone wants done.
6. The bible quoting is getting old. Most here have read the book, it seems and all seem to know how it ends. Use your own thoughts and reason with each other as opposed to attacking, name calling and link splashing back and forth. If you still feel the need to scream blasphemer or to tell another to shut their cockpocket, walk away from the board for a while. Like the saying goes, arguing online is like running in the special olympics… (Here’s the effed up politically incorrect punch line) No matter who wins, you’re all still a bunch of tards.
All that being said (and this being my first post) I’m going to take my overbearing, opinionated, stubborn, never know when to shut my mouth, Heathen self over to my couch and stare blankly at the talking box I paid way too much to watch football, drink beer and scream obscenities at during football season.

Sherri 5 years ago

Wow! This is scary! Lol. I tried just about everything in this article, except praying for him every day.
My divorce will be final in a month or two. No joke!!
Men may say they WANT a woman like this, but they sure AS HELL don’t respect a woman who does everything for them!

Marta 5 years ago

Wow. That was… something. Certainly an example of the kind of people I hope to stay very very far away from. For my safety and theirs.

Rita 5 years ago

Somehow, I don’t think the bible thumpers understood the sheer sarcasm of this article and comments. Sad.

Dgbrown 5 years ago

Oh. My. Effin. God. (hey, does that count as praying? Score!)

FormerlyPreggersStepMom 5 years ago

6-10-2010 was when this article was written, and yet people are going into Scary Mommy archives to bash it? This is hilarious!
“Judge not lest ye be judged” may be a biblical quote the bible thumpers need to look up. While I can throw out several more, I’d rather keep living the way Christ himself taught rather than following a book put together and edited by one of the most corrupt churches ever known, thanks so much for reaffirming the reasons why people dislike and/or hate Christians ladies, I love having to defend MY faith because of spiteful hateful people who claim to be following in His footsteps.

Skye 5 years ago

You gotta be kidding me!!!!!!!

    Skye 5 years ago

    This may have worked when television only came in black and white! But bless those who try!

Nikki 5 years ago

Hey. i am 19 and am married with 2 kids. I love my husband so much, and he means the world to me. He loves me too. Lately we have been arguing a lot and just disrespecting each other,and it kills me. I know we both want to be together forever, and be a family with our children, but it is hard with all the stress so early on in our marriage, and we are obviously young, so that means we have a lot to learn. I am so giving this challenge a shot, and I am very excited about it! Please pray for me, and him. We really could use the support. We have a beautiful family now, and we need to keep it together and happy. I am determined; ourbeautiful little baby boys deserve it, and so do we. Thanks!

Ilseken 5 years ago

I stopped listening to her words after about 5 seconds, but I couldn’t take my eyes of her hands, what’s up with all the circle-waving moves? And I have to wonder about the comment at the end, did she really say “walk with the King”? WTF does that even mean?!?!

    GodFearing 5 years ago

    Quote: did she really say “walk with the King”? WTF does that even mean?!?!

    It means to follow in Gods foot steps.

Kristi 5 years ago

I recently stumbled upon Courtney and the Women Living Well blog. I believe she has a lot of great suggestions. Of course men have a large part in serving their wives and children, but I am a wife so I need to focus what God is expecting me to do. Her video clips are short and don’t go into a lot of depth. There are complexities I’d imagine to having a drunk or drug addicted husband and one would have to be careful to not enable them and also to get them appropriate help — and keep everyone safe. Though the world has different ideas, I am so happy to know Christ and follow His plan no matter how silly it may seem to some, it does bring about a peace that I didn’t have before.

christi 5 years ago

I would totally go for something like this if it was an endeavor to do together as a couple. How can we serve each other better? Of course, it just makes me think of oral sex.

Kathryn Lang 5 years ago

A post about “completing her” would probably have just as many negative comments because marriage is a team effort. The problem comes when trying to tell someone else what to do. I can only change me so that is what I have to focus on doing when things are not the way I want or need them to be.

IMO – I think she is showing that when a wife listens to her husband’s needs and then honors those needs then she becomes a better person and that effects both the marriage and her husband.

Brit 5 years ago

I’m sorry i work and go to school my husband works also and i’m not cleaning house by myself and waiting on him hand and foot (pardon the way i put this) either he helps or he doesnt get laid on a regular basis and if he doesnt like that he knows where the door is. dont get me wrong i love him with all my heart but i’m very much for the 50 50 part of everything

    Nikki 5 years ago

    I feel like maybe she was refering to stay at home wives/moms. I used to work 60 hour weeks, while pregnant and taking care of a 1 year old when i got home. In that case, my husband waited on me, but i fufilled his emotianl needs. I thanked him and told him I was greatful every day, and he thanked me also. Marriage should be equal effort from both sides….do what you can manage. Try and be a good wife…if you are a good wife, and he is not a good husband, there is nothing you can do to change him. But you can make sure you are doing YOUR part, it is up to him to do the rest.

Laffitupfzbl 5 years ago

Holy freaking shit. Why didn’t she just close with “And ladies, that man has been knocking at your back door for 8 years. A good Christian would let him in.” Jesus. And not in the way she means it.

Armywife225 5 years ago

I don’t think you were bitchy at all. You were funny. I am a SAHM who cooks, cleans, does everything for our daughter, and also contributes to all the decisions that will afftect us as a family.
I think it’s rediculous that some women think it’s their “duty” to do everything I do on a daily basis. I do it because it makes ME happy to take care of my family. Not because I feel, as a woman, I have to. (And my husband knows better than to ever tell me it’s my obligation!)
When I was working, we split all the household chores. When I stopped contributing financially, I took over the house. It’s what works for OUR family.
My husband loves that I have a mind of my own and that I’m stubborn.
You shouldn’t completely lose who you are in the process of becoming a wife and mother, even if you are a SAHM.

NativesquawFL 5 years ago

1) I don’t need anyone to tell me how to do these things, I have been doing them since day one, and without looking like a total brainless, spineless twit. 2)My hubby’s nickname is “Corrigan” so he is not allowed to lead anywhere we actually want to get to. 3)He loves everything I cook, and when asked his preference, he replies, “whatever you feel like making sweetheart” 4) A week of friction-less life in OUR home will leave poor Eric thinking he is in the wrong house. Soon, both boredom and inertia will set in, followed by depression and a complete break with reality. Honestly, we have both been through 2 bad marriages, both abusive (my wife-in-law is the REAL scary-mommy) and we entered this one knowing only what doesn’t work. So we both put in 100%, not this 50/50 crapola, which basically means you’re doing it half-assed. Neither of us counted in our exes lives, so I put him first, he puts me first, and that way, we’re BOTH #1. Honesty and faithfulness is also something new to each of us, we were both those things, our exes notsomuch. So we appreciate these qualities in each other. And frankly, having a man I can trust completely, coupled w/being post menopausal, our sex life is something to shout from the rooftops about (but I don’t coz I have some really fuddy-duddy neighbors) and also believe ‘women be wise, keep your mouth shut, don’t advertize your man’ Nuff said.

    Reborn 5 years ago

    ^^ Best. comment. ever. ^^

AfroLady 5 years ago

WORSHIP??? You had a point until you used that word. How can you be a Christian and even suggest a woman WORSHIP her husband?

Holly 6 years ago

Personally, I have a major problem with putting “another person’s needs before [one’s] own.” And thankfully, I live with someone who has the same policy. If I’m not happy, then my boyfriend won’t be happy either. That goes both ways. All each person can do is fix their own crap in their head (and yes, we all have some of it in there) and work on fulfilling their own needs. Trying to please someone all the time else will only lead to trouble…and major unhappiness.

I did thoroughly enjoy this post, though! Good luck with the challenge! 😉

Karina 6 years ago

My guy has always told me that he loves me just the way I am and that anything other than the way I am would be boring. Living with me can be a real challenge due to the fact that I have bipolar. I am in no way a Domestic Goddess! I much prefer the title of Rebellious Domestic Goddess.:) If I asked my guy how I could pray for him each day he would bundle me off to the hospital!!!!!!! ♥

Rita 6 years ago

Jana, I was lmao at the video and:

1. I am married

2. This is my first and only marriage.

3. We are happy. Sure, we fight like all couples do but we’re happy most of the time.

4. Cheating conjures up secrets and lies. What happened 5 years ago was a mutual decision and actually made our marriage way better and that kind of stuff doesn’t happen anymore, and we trust each other more then we ever did.

5. Again, this is my first and only marriage.

There was divorce in the 1950’s, people just didn’t talk about it like they do today. I know a few mommies who laugh at this may match some of your opinions about who laughs at this stuff, but most of us are happily married and can still laugh at this. It’s called having a sense of humor. If my husband wanted a robot, he would have married a robot. He laughs at the Stepford Mommies and he’s happy that I’m so laid-back, relaxed, have my own mind and can think for myself.

    Jana 5 years ago

    Again, its all about respect and honoring. MOST and I mean A LOT of women do not do either.. yes there are a few of us that still believe marriage is what it should be, GOD ordained and respect it for what it is and should be. Yes I am a stay at home mom for 20 years… have they always been perfect? NO. However, my husband does respect me, loves me…still treats me like the day he first seen me. I ENJOY taking care of him. Many women don’t even bother anymore.. and then they sit back and scratch their heads wondering why their husband was seeking other women. If you don’t treat your husband like he deserves, just remember their is someone else out there that will :)

Jana 6 years ago

I have been married for 19 years to the same man. I do believe that if many more women of today would treat life like it was in the 40/50’s we wouldnt have the divorce rate we have today. Try doing these suggestions and I bet you will get a lot more happiness out of your marriages!

    Truth Jones 5 years ago

    Women in the forties and fifties were NOT happier. They were more concerned with public images and trained from the cradle to be good little wives. Marriage should be a commitment between equals. Because that’s what men and women are. Equal.

    Nikki 5 years ago

    I like this statement. I agree. Obviously if you both work, thigs are different…but still, husbands do need good wifes, and wifes need good husbands. basically, do your part, and he will do his.

Mrs McCallum 6 years ago

I love this! Im always looking for ideas on how to be a better wife to my husband. Thank you for this!!


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