How to Identify a Mom of Young Kids


As we women become mothers, a few things change in our appearance. These things may be subtle, but they can help you easily identify a fellow mother when you are out in public and need to borrow a diaper, a wet wipe, juice box, or shoulder to lose your shit on…

1. The Hair: A mommy’s hair comes in many forms, from perfectly coiffed and colored ‘dos, to ponytails with three-inch long roots. The tie that binds all mommies together is the sticky quotient. Somehow, every mommy’s hair has a certain There’s-Something-About-Mary factor that is unexplainable. A goo that once was a child-induced slime somehow makes its way into mommy’s hair and hardens into a stiff style. Is that yogurt, applesauce, finger paint, glue, snot? How did it get here and why won’t it comb out, no matter what you do? Yogurt fingers strike again.

2. The Makeup: As hard as a mommy tries, it is impossible to get her makeup perfect after having children. Many culprits can lead to the end problem, including:
• Not noticing the mascara that has smeared all the way to your top lid/lipstick on your teeth because you applied it while trying to brush your kid’s teeth, comb your hair and do your taxes, all at the same time.
• Refusing to apply powder in the morning because your toddler decided that your makeup brush was the perfect thing to use to fish her Cheerios out of the toilet (why on earth where there Cheerios in the toilet in the first place?)
• Running out of the house and forgetting makeup altogether after a morning filled with spilled cereal, hissy fits, diaper explosions and debauchery.
• What, is there something in my teeth?

3. The Clothes (Fit): Most mommies can usually be seen wearing clothes that are either too small or too big for them. This isn’t out of laziness. There are many phases of mommyhood that necessitate these fashion faux pas, including:
• I just had a baby and haven’t lost the weight yet (too small.)
• I had a baby a year ago and haven’t realized I lost the weight yet (too big.)
• I am between babies and know I will blow up like tank again, so I am not buying new clothes until I am done having kids (too small/too big.)
• I am pregnant with my second baby and not ready to face the hell that is maternity fashion again yet (too small.)
• I chase after a fire-breathing toddler all day and do not give a shit what my clothes fit like. What the fuck is it to you?
• Rinse, repeat until childbearing years are over/your kids leave the house and you finally have the time/money to care about your looks again. Warning: by then, everything will have moved south and you will need a new plan of action.

4. The Clothes (Look): Try as us mommies might, we just aren’t the fashion horses we once were. Whether we are stuck donning last decade’s styles because we would rather our kid rock the latest looks than ourselves, or we are sporting a white snot stain on the hem/neckline of our new black dress, we are just not cut out for the fashion big leagues anymore. Add to that the chicken wings and donut belly that often linger after pregnancy, and you have a recipe for mopey mommy looks. But, I have noticed moms of today seem to be giving the big finger to mom jeans and rocking the best looks they can while toting a drooling, screaming, poop machine. Carry on, sexy mamas, carry on.

5. The Purse: Mommy purses are the motherload of all purses. No tiny clutch or wristlet can haul the heavy load a mommy must carry. Diaper wipes, pacifiers, baby aspirin, snacks, juice boxes, you name it, and it is in there. The purse of a mommy is large and in charge. You non-mommies mock until you spill coffee on your new blouse. Then who do you come running to in search of a wet wipe? That’s right. Mommy. That’s who. Would you also like some goldfish crackers with that? You are acting a little crabby so you must be hungry.

6. The Shoes: Mommy shoes are often more utilitarian than high fashion. You try chasing a screaming 20-month-old through Target in four-inch Manolos. Yeah, who is laughing at my Chuck Taylors now? I didn’t think so.

Related post: 15 Tips on Surviving as a Mom in the Suburbs

About the writer

Julie is the wrangler of a little girl who wears glasses and a fuzzy pink eye patch and a little boy who does neither. She also writes nonsense at I Like Beer and Babies. She is OK at Facebook and sucks at Twitter.


megan hairan 1 year ago

i was lucky with my pregency as the weight did just fall off, but it went too far and i looked like a skeleton! as a teenage mummy, looks were always important to me and i was lucky to escape the mummy jeans!! but other mums at the baby groups always treated me a little different just cos i managed to keep myself looking relatively good still
my serect? laying out my clothes each night!!

Jessica Griffin 2 years ago

i am the mom with the stretch waist band capris (gawd!) and converse. It sounds cuter than it is and that makes me sick because how stylish is that? Yikes

April Lamkin 2 years ago

Tiff Any good for you! Its not excuses though. Its called not caring anymore. I. Dont. Care. Simple :)

April Lamkin 2 years ago

My “purse” is my car lol. I keep my basics in my purse, anything i need to go, is already stored in my car, since i have to drive to go anywhere anyway. Have everything including emergency tp stored in there! Lol. And yes, i have fire breathing children. I dont give a shit what you think about my T and yoga pants lol. Theyre comfy and thats all I care about! 😀

Catherine Townsend-Scott 2 years ago
Jamie Luttrell 2 years ago


Sarah Sokol Czupek 2 years ago

This describes me perfectly right now!

Barbara Lovesapintandadance Jones 2 years ago

My point is why put make up on if you’re at home with your child and when do you have time inbetween washing dishes, doing the laundry changing nappies etc etc, if I’m going out to friends or going to the shops then yes I put makeup on and when my child starts nursery or school and I have more time then I will spend more time on my appearance.

Kirsty Sweeting 2 years ago

i usually have an emergency dummy tucked in my bra somewhere :-

Ayla Ervin 2 years ago

Wow. There are a lot of hungry crabby commenters that might need a nap too.

Justine Burgess 2 years ago

Whatever works for ya’ll, do it. Makeup/bare-faced, dress up, dress down…whatever you feel is best for you. For me- I’m loving the opportunity to rock my awesome jeans, vintage tees, and wear Converse on a daily basis, instead of my corporate suits and full makeup every day.

Nicola Hviid-Nielsen Lamarina 2 years ago

♡ it!

katie 2 years ago

Funny and true. However, I would say that not wearing makeup or trendy clothes has more to do with not giving a hoot about all that superficial nonsense anymore. Not that there is anything wrong with making that a priority for yourself if it what feels good to you. I agree with the above poster that you need to make time for taking care of ourself, but that’s going to mean something different to each of us. I decided I like comfortable clothes and shoes, more hippy than frumpy but no more high heels for me.

Kimberly Mendez 2 years ago

Ok I have two baby girls. I take care of my appearance because my job demands it. The only one that applies is number 5 with the enormous purse so I can make sure I have everything for us.

Virginia IceKream Crouch 2 years ago

• I chase after a fire-breathing toddler all day and do not give a shit what my clothes fit like. What the fuck is it to you?


Jane Meadows 2 years ago

Both my kids were born in the 80’s. When people talk about 80’s music or fashion, I have no idea memory of what was popular. I never listened to one song that entire decade and all I wore was mommy clothes.

Casey Lafferty 2 years ago

I’m a married mother of 3- 10,5,2 -We are a reflection of our children just as much as they reflect upon us! If u look like a slob, don’t u think they’ll start to think that’s okay? Come on. It’s 2014 this article is ridiculous!

Heather Bjornson 2 years ago

So my life!

Kim Butcher 2 years ago


Lea Bifano-Vozzella 2 years ago


Monika 2 years ago

We’re all doing our best…I just don’t look very good while I’m doing it lol. Pony tail, jeans, tshirt and some flip flops man. I do however rock the wristlet. I keep all my heavy duty equipment on the bottom of the stroller.

Emily Lopez 2 years ago

Yes to the 3 inch roots and a ponytail!!

Emma Key 2 years ago

Your child will never remember what you looked like ie crazy mom hair or if u wore make up but they will remember how much time you spend with them :) I personally don’t attach my self worth with make up plz teach ur daughters that

Melissa Earls 2 years ago

Thats hilarious and totally true!!!

Amie Wolff Logan 2 years ago

Heck I cut my hair to try to make it simple. Nope didn’t work

Shanna Bricco 2 years ago

Oh wow. All of the above. Put trying to find new employment in the mix. You’re life is definitely messsssed up.

Kumi Obayashi-Ward 2 years ago

I used to wear makeup and dress nicely every day. Now, I just draw eyebrows and use an eyeliner unless it’s a special occasion. A baby, a full-time job, and a marriage keep me too busy to sit in front of the mirror for 30 mins in the morning. My curling iron is collecting dust, needless to say. People change 😉

Amanda Trent Holt 2 years ago

Soooo funny

Danielle Dapp 2 years ago

I am still trying to figure out where in the article it says anyone is less of a Mom if you wear makeup and look neat and tidy. Call me crazy, but I don’t see it anywhere.

Leanne Rey-Oz 2 years ago

You forgot the yoga/sport wear :)

Carol A McCullough 2 years ago

Oh my, the make up, hair, and clothes used to be me when I had my first child. She is very laid back and never got into much trouble, do I had time to spare. But after daughter #2 was mobile, all that went out the window!!! Miss Hell on Wheels needs to be watched every minute, so most of the time I run a brush through my hair, brush my teeth, and make sure I have on clean clothes and underwear!!! Hee, hee. It’s really not that big of a deal…it’s kind of freeing!

Chelsea Mollison 2 years ago

I love how this funny post has become mom wars all over again… Moms, get over yourselves!! Good for you for rocking makeup and your hair done, and good for you for going au naturel.. Stop judging the opposite! We are all beautiful no matter what we choose. We don’t love our kids or ourselves less either way!!

Barbara Lovesapintandadance Jones 2 years ago

What id like to know is where are these toddlers when you’re putting your make up on and making yourself look good,and more to the point, why?

Moriah Crystelle 2 years ago

#3 all day long.

Kate M Shannon 2 years ago

Well mine’s 3 months old and I’m still rockin’ the huge baggy pants I used when I was pregnant (they’re a little looser right now obviously) but I’m still too big to fit the size 7 wardrobe I have waiting for me all through my dressers at the moment. Pretty depressing. lol

Debbie Maydak 2 years ago

Not true, I see VERY high maintenance peeps.

Mayra Leanos-Contreras 2 years ago

I love this! I don’t carry a purse, I use my baby’s diaper bag now lol! Makeup? Last time I bought eyeliner was almost a year ago. I hardly wear it anyways :( the clothes part is all so true lol! My hair was always perfect before I had kids, now it requires an exorcism when I finally get a chance to go to a salon lol!

Renée Beech Sloope 2 years ago

• I chase after a fire-breathing toddler all day and do not give a shit what my clothes fit like. What the fuck is it to you? –

Alina Yeghyazarians Cummings 2 years ago

This is hilarious, and so true! Made me laugh out loud! Nellie Arslanian Yeghyazarians

Sara Lowry 2 years ago

Scarily true :)

John-And Elisha Anderson 2 years ago

Oh so very true!! Kids are my priority and my looks no longer are! In time ill have time for me again. Until then ill enjoy my “fire-breathing” children :-)

B Jasmine Zinser Craddock 2 years ago

Um mommy purse? Try diaper bag! I haven’t carried a purse in almost 4 years!

Ricci Marie Fuentes 2 years ago

Ever played that game where you have to find something in your bag that starts with every letter of the alphabet? Mom purse wins every time.

Adrianne Parks 2 years ago

Skip the purse, go straight to backpack. Keeps the hands free.

Allison Shea Riley 2 years ago

Funny but I don’t agree at all and I am a mother of five very busy boys.

Ryan Marie Diduk-Smith 2 years ago

I don’t know….I have 2 kids and still find time (even as a newborn) to take care of myself. Many days you will see me in workout gear, not a a fashion statement but because I have worked out and don’t feel like going home, changing, and going back out. I still dress as nice as I can, do my hair, and makeup. If that’s not you thing, that’s cool, but just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you have to loose your sense of self.

Tiffany Olson 2 years ago

While some of these I know are true for some people, but I’ve only had food in my hair once out of my two boys that I have no idea where it came from and for how long. Otherwise my hair in a pony tail. My make up is on most days but it’s always just been eyeliner, mascara and a splash of foundation. And I’ve always rocked the Chuck Taylors :)

Ashley Mead 2 years ago

All very true! It just means we’re too busy being awesome mommies to care 😉

Alicia Carter 2 years ago

These are hilarious!

Leigh Woodard Price 2 years ago

As a 40 year old mother of 3, with the youngest being 2 years old…..Rock on all you weary mamas. Looks are temporary anyway. You’re going to get old and it won’t even matter anymore!!

Heather Poole 2 years ago

Oh yes!

Kerry Gallagher Brecciano 2 years ago

Ha! No make up, hair needs desperate attention. Oh, how I can relate!!!

Jamie Den Herder Clark 2 years ago

All so true

Monica Smith 2 years ago

So, so true

Avalon Gall 2 years ago

True! I don’t need to have makeup on or have my hair perfect everyday, real confidence comes from within……not at the counter at Sephora!

    Alicia Carter 2 years ago

    Exactly, i very rarely wear makeup and my hair is typically up in an easy bun. I take the time for my child, not for myself.

Alexandria Cruikshank 2 years ago

I make sure I look good… At least exceptable… I’m not going out with bad clothes and stuff in my hair lol

Ashley Gambino 2 years ago

I don’t agree. I always try to make time for myself. Make up is a must!

Rachel Falise 2 years ago

Funny and true! 😉

Lila Ruiz 2 years ago

Yes all so familiar !

Michele Karwoski 2 years ago

All true

Sarah 2 years ago

Just try it with twins! 😉

    Oatmeal spice 2 years ago

    Exactly. I was seriously dreading leaving the house with my two newborn munchkins. How sad is it that I was happy I ended up in the hospital when they were 2 weeks old, because that meant I didn’t have to pack them up to go their first pediatrician’s appointment? And I work there!

irrational moon 2 years ago

My daughter had some issues gaining weight right after she was born and we took her to the doctor every single day after we came home from the hospital. I still remember we were waiting to see the lactation consultant, Bunnyworm was in her carrier. Daddybeast was carrying the carrier and I noticed that his shirt was both inside out AND backwards (pocket outline on his back!) and when I pointed that out, he commented that my shirt was wet …well there and there. His hair was a mess, mine was combed but greasy. He was in bedroom slippers and I was in flip flops–in February. We got to the counter to check in, and the nurse took one look at us and said, “New parents?”


Miranda 3 years ago

My clothing style hasn’t changed since high school. I’m not bragging, I’m just saying that t-shirts, jeans, hoodies and yes, Chucks were pretty much my closet’s contents when I was 14, so I didn’t have to make any changes. XD

Sarah 3 years ago

Sadly this is me. I have two kids, 3 and 18 months. I got to the point to where the only thing I make time for is making sure my hair is done before we leave (thanks hubby for decided that short and spiky would be a great style for mommy lol) unless its a quick trip to the store alone….then its a bandana to hide the fluff in the back that sticks up everywhere and gives this mama the appearance of a sunburned (hair is dyed vibrant red) ducks ass at the back of her head. My “mom” shoes are sneakers…right now rocking Under Armour running shoes. To all the mom’s who got it all together…kudos. To the rest of us who just couldn’t…it’s alright, we make yogurt stained shirts look sexy lol

June O’Hara 3 years ago

I live alone. With no kids. I feel like tossing a few Cheerios into the toilet so as not to feel left out. 3 years ago

    Ha. Make sure you put a few on the kitchen floor and step on them for good measure!

Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

I now consider myself “wearing make-up” if I get mascara and concealer on. That’s it!

    Sarah 3 years ago

    If…big BIG IF..i do my make up its usually just eyeliner and eyeshadow but thats only done when hubby is here to handle the mini monsters for the 5 minutes it takes.

Tanya 3 years ago

I don’t know how any mom can go anywhere without the biggest purse she owns. So many things need to be brought out just in case. Its even worse when your potty training. I don’t know how many pairs of little kids undies are in my purse in case of an accident.

Jenny 3 years ago

Ha! I love the whole section about the size of clothes. Even after I knew I was done having babies, four years ago, I hung onto a lot of crappy clothes because I couldn’t bring myself to go try on clothes with my post-baby body. Also, the purse section made me laugh–and this might belong in the Scary Mommy Confessional–but I never carried a giant purse/diaper bag because all my mom friends carried them, so I knew I’d never find myself truly emptyhanded in case of a diaper/wipe emergency. Yes, I used my mommy friends as my personal diaper bag. :/

Rebeccah 3 years ago

DONUT belly. The bain of my existence!

Wendy 3 years ago

In the end you have to do what works for you and your family, I’ll also admit, I’m alittle jealous of those moms that “seem” all put together. But i say,good for those moms! But I still may wear my pj’s all day because its just more laundry to put clean clothes on!;)

Aimee 3 years ago

Love it. Since I’m pregnant and have a toddler, I feel that I have free reign to rock the black yoga pants/running sneakers look daily. Never mind that fact that I haven’t been to a yoga class since before my son was born and running is not something I do unless said child is endangering himself.

    tara 3 years ago

    You wear yoga pants AND have actually been to a yoga class?!?! Woooohoooo!! I’m jealous lol

      Aimee 3 years ago

      Tara, I haven’t been to a class since before mommyhood, so does that really count?

    Annette 3 years ago

    This is what I wear too! It’s comfortable, and occasionally I even end up at the gym.

      Aimee 3 years ago

      Annette, I’m so jealous. I checked a prenatal workout DVD out of the library…it’s the best I can do.

Chrissy 3 years ago

ugh… it’s not just the baby or the toddler years either! I am lucky if I can manage to have my clothes on right side out, and put on the way they were supposed to be… and not put the milk in the cubboard and the cereal in the fridge.. or my phone in the freezer…again. Hey surprisingly my phone works much better now! Go figure! All those moms who look so well put together, who have spotless houses, I hate you.. (Gives evil squinty eyes) Yes, I am jealous, and I am woman enough to admit it!
Going to go get some more coffee, and probably take a nap.

    linda 3 years ago

    Oh good, I’m not the only one who takes naps even though I’m wayyyyy past the toddler years! All my female friends are put together and I just can’t figure out how they do it. Sometimes I’m jealous, but one friend always points out that she’d love to be so relaxed as to drop on the couch with a good read and not care about the dishes. Or the dirty laundry. Or any other household chore, for that matter. And as much as I love heels, try chasing your kid around the playground in stilettos…

Gina 3 years ago

Dansko’s are my mom shoes of choice. Wish I could wear something more stylish, but after almost a decade of utilitarian shoes for kid-wrangling, my feet can’t take the pressure of something with a heel in it. I’m just one step away from a membership to the Easy Spirit store.

    Wendy 3 years ago

    I have a pair of easy spirit short boots…kinda ugly but VERY comfortable and warm! With 4 kids I’m all about comfort;) hehe!

Linda 3 years ago

Condemning Talia for getting it all in order is even worse than badmouthing the sloppy mommies. She never bragged about it, that’s just projecting your own insecurities. Girls, I am appalled! Yes, I am the queen of chaos but I feel like Talia is the one who can share some helpful hints as to how we can all be a little more put together. In return, I will drop her some hints as to how liberating it is to put out the garbage in the morning while wearing a leopard pyjama and pink slippers. Hey, we’re all in this together :)

    Danielle 3 years ago

    No one condemned Talia for having it all together. They condemned her for bragging and making herself sound superior. Since there were multiple people that took her comments that way, it’s not likely that it was just someone “projecting their insecurities.” HOWEVER, Talia has since made it abundantly clear that she did not intend to come off the way she did, and it seems everyone was able to let it go. Except you. Thanks for stirring the pot.

    Kristin 2 years ago

    I’m pretty put together too, but I do ask help from my hubby. He would take charge and give me a few moments to myself. He understands that he has to keep me sane so I could juggle my family and work life better. LOL.

Mercy 3 years ago

My purse is like that. Actually, I keep two. The one I take when out with the kids is huge. I could carry the contents of a tractor trailer in there (almost). On the rare occasion that I go out alone, I use a smaller one just to give my shoulders a break. :)

Manda 3 years ago

Yeah… My problem is the $5 sweats from wal-mart. When my Old Navy yoga pants fell apart I had NOTHING LEFT. Contain my muffin top, thats all I care about… LOL

Murphy must have had kids 3 years ago

So true, so true, especially the not-fitting clothes part. My rear has suddenly disappeared and my pants constantly fall down like I’m a 14 year-old skater boy. 3 years ago

Thanks for the love, ladies! Hugs!

MamaBug 3 years ago

So glad I am not the only mama still sporting Chuck Taylors! My DH teases me about them mercilessly!

    Lisa 3 years ago

    Chucks are stylish as hell. I just wanted to point that out :)

      JQ 3 years ago

      Mine are bubblegum pink and I lovvvvvve them.

      Talia 3 years ago

      If i’m not in heels i’m in Chucks! Mine are black and white with hot pink shoelaces and they are sexy! ;P

Amy 3 years ago

Ugh! I’m just gonna get pregnant with the second sometime this year, anyway. Why bother to get skinny now? Obviously I fall into the too small clothes category. I like to think of all the things I used to do before I had a kid, like change my purse everyday with my outfit. Ha! I can’t imagine doing that shit now.

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

I don’t think I ever made it out of the house without at least one anonymous food stain on my shirt when mine were toddlers.

I never did get the hang of the big purse though – I couldn’t keep it on my shoulder while chasing after the oldest who was a going concern from the time he could roll front to back and back to front.

Kelley 3 years ago

Although I lost the battle of the Bulge after kids – I too, never and I mean NEVER leave the house without being smartly dressed with hair and make up done. I can’t wear the pretty shoes I would prefer due to the weight and the after effects of pregnancy, but I find the best looking flats I can. No sweats, no pj’s, no yoga pants outside the house. I am a preppy child of the 80’s and although I did give up the big hair – I can’t expunge the need to be smart and put together leaving the house.
I also showered everyday even though it meant getting up before the kids or while my husband was getting himself ready for work, as I too felt more together and organized and able to cope when I was clean and had my hair done.
I currently work shift work that starts some days at 4 am – which means I am up at 2:30 am to shower, do hair and makeup and eat before I leave the house. I just can’t get anything done and I feel gross otherwise.

So Talia, don’t feel like you are the only one with a need to attend to personal needs. I also had PPD and keeping myself up also was helpful. Remember, in case of emergency, you put your own oxygen mask on BEFORE you try to help someone else – ie if you aren’t looked after you can’t be there for anyone else!!!

randommixedchick 3 years ago

This has to be the funniest, yet most true thing i have read! Loved reading it and the humor was on point!! :) Will def’ share this one.

tiffany 3 years ago

This reminds me…I’m due for a new pair of Cons… Oh yea!

Stephanie 3 years ago

Yep. This is my life. It’s all about the ‘I’m chasing a fire-breathing toddler around Target and I don’t give a shit what I look like.’ All the time.

Loosey 3 years ago

Really Talia? This is a blog about making fun of ourselves and others- for some laughs. Not for perfect people.

    Talia 3 years ago

    I thought scary mommy was about support for ALL ways of mothering and raising our kids. It doesn’t make me “perfect” that I chose to do what I needed to care for myself as well as my son. I did what I needed to to feel good about myself. As stated in the reply above I suffered from SEVERE PPD after he was born. Taking care of myself made me feel good and therefore helped keep the depression at bay. No woman or mother is perfect and we handle the stresses, strains, and day to day drudgery as best we can. Every day isn’t sunshine and rainbows and it was no different for me. I just did things a different way and different isn’t bad. What works for one woman doesn’t work for another and vice versa.

      Carli 3 years ago

      I’m with you, Talia. I do it the same. No four inch heels though, too tall for that.

      Scary Mommy 3 years ago

      Absolutely true. But, really? Four inch heels with a toddler? You’re making the rest of us look bad. :)

        Kay 3 years ago

        On the other hand… if you make it through severe PPD, managing 4-inchers while chasing your kid ain’t nuthin’. 😛

        Talia 3 years ago

        I’m a heel person, i’ve been wearing them since I was fourteen and they are my everyday footwear. I just freakin love the suckers. I guess since i’ve been wearing them so long it’s just second nature now. I wish my post hadn’t been taken as being uppity because that isn’t me at all. I feel like a weirdo now because I apparently handled things differently than most. But it worked for me ya know? The depression was so much easier to bear when I had something on that I felt good in. I felt like my head maybe a mess right now, but at least I look somewhat decent. My sons love and hugs and kisses and great pair of heels were my saving grace during that time.

          Kacie 3 years ago

          Oh, and Talia, if your not already, come visit us on the boards. There are quiet a few of “you” there :-). We thrive on diversity, and it is what makes us great!

          Rachel 2 years ago

          That makes total sense! (the mess in the head so not on the body) and personally I don’t get all the “your heels make us look bad”. Dude I’m like 6ft. I RARELY wear heels. Pre-baby, post-baby, post post baby. It makes me feel like I’m 10 ft off the ground and a giant compared to the rest of the world. At times I rock it. mostly not so much. I don’t think someone else’s footware has really ….any effect on me. And some girls are just heel girls, just like Talia said. I’ve a friend who wears heels literally ALL THE TIME. She crazy cus just thinking of that makes my feet hurt but here’s the thing: they don’t hurt her feet. And she’s short so she likes not feeling tiny. And again…. her feet have nothing to do with me lol!

          MamaB 2 years ago


          I’m sorry you were villified by a supposedly welcoming community for offering a picture of motherhood that’s not lazy or messy. I too have been wearing heels since I was a young teen and I truly find them infinitely more comfortable than flats. I’m currently pregnant with my third child in three years and still wear heels/wedges almost exclusively because, honestly, flats kill my back and hips after 15 years of wearing 3-4 inch heels (in fact, I tried during pg#2 and they gave me horrible sciatica). I may not be great at finding (making?) time to shower as often as I’d like and quickly embraced the magic of dry shampoo after becoming a mom, but I eat very healthy foods, get as much sleep as I can, make sure I have time to mentally and emotionally recharge (as an introvert, I require alone time to survive daily life), and am 30 lbs. lighter now, while pregnant with my third child, than I was when I got pregnant with our first three years ago (and I wasn’t overweight then, just on the higher end of “healthy”; I’m now on the low end). Losing weight and making healthier life choices helped me manage the insanity and keep my severe PPD under control after baby #2. Bottom line? We’re all different, and we all have our own issues, strengths, struggles, and ways of coping with the crazy. Never feel the need to apologize, and keep doing what works for you and your family! And no, you didn’t sound sanctimonious. Some people feel threatened when others excel in areas they struggle with, or just don’t care about. What they aren’t considering is that they may be masters of something that you yourself struggle with. They don’t know the whole picture, so take their words with a grain of salt – then throw it over your shoulder for good measure :-)

          Krist 2 years ago

          You don’t have to feel bad for taking care of yourself and shame on anyone who is acting like you should. Happy mommy makes for a happy baby and if your happiness is in taking care of yourself, then good for you. We are mothers, not martyrs. Everyone who says their happiness comes from always putting themselves last is either lying or suffering. Good for you for not letting yourself go. Mom is one facet of being a woman. It doesn’t have to be the only thing you are.

      Kristen Mae 3 years ago

      Talia – I just want to give you a hug. You’re right; we all cope in our own way. I didn’t (don’t – haha) take care of my appearance, but I do other things that take time, like working out, reading voraciously, and writing a blog. I’m sure if I dropped those things I’d have time to put on makeup and give a crap about my clothes. Maybe even shower! Probably never wear heels again, though, as much as I may want to. Those things effing HURT. Anyway, I think you stood up for yourself and your way of doing things without being defensive or lashing out and making personal attacks against people, and I commend you for that. =)

        Alexis 3 years ago

        Ditto and well said! I was reading this thread about heeled moms vs. flip flop wearers and thinking the same thing. I live in Vermont where Keens (waterproof and functional at Costco and on serious hikes) are the norm. So my thing is more like exercise, reading voraciously, and writing a blog. Hey you already said that! Anyhoo…that’s MY thing. If Talia’s thing is fashion – GREAT! The point is that we all need to have a thing or multiple things that keep us balanced and grounded. Kudos to her for figuring out what HERS was and for not getting defensive when questioned about it.

      3boysmommy 2 years ago

      Talia-good for you. You should take care of yourself and feel good about what you do for you. We are not doing our children any favors by modeling that parents shouldn’t have lives at all outside of them. Is that how we want them to be when they grow up? My children are the light of my life, just like yours. I want them to see a mommy who is confident and happy, however that looks, not a haggard and resentful mommy (at least not all the time

        janie 2 years ago

        I dont think.theres anything wrong talia with loiking nice after kids I have 3 toddlers n I cant do it every day but I do some n I feel a hundred times better n my babies r well taken care of n sooooo loved I love my heels n I toi are thin with no steetch marks but its cuz I chase 3 kids all day do yard work house work etc def keeps me in shape I to love my heels nmy kids also have the nicest things they def come first but theres also days hair is thrown up no makeup( which I really dont need makeup never wore it unless goin out) n sweats n a tshirt with a kids dirty handprint anyway I dont think ur stuck up or rubbing it in our facesn I think the ones getting reakky upset r jealous n they shouldnt b I k ow we can look perfect everyday but nothing wrong with a little effort I do it with 3 kids they talk to me while I shower n hang with me while I do my makeup stay beautiful

          janie 2 years ago

          Sorry moms about the typos have kids hanging on me as I write these lol

Mama and the City 3 years ago

So half I’m back to the workforce behind a desk and and office. That really forced me to hire someone to do all that.

I love my today’s nails <– you can look at my Instagram pics :-)

Amanda 3 years ago

I would love to be able to wear cute shoes again, but pregnancy just made my feet monstrous. Dammit.

Mamarific 3 years ago

I am definitely on board with all of this. Well said!

Jenni P. 3 years ago

I have parrots and an infant. If I have a white smear on my shirt, I have no idea which creature left it there!

    Suzanne 3 years ago

    *dies laughing* I have TWO large parrots. Trust me, it’s probably not yogurt! 3 years ago

    I just laughed out loud!

      Gina 3 years ago

      Ditto for parakeets….

Heidi Bryan 3 years ago

Painfully true…I just spotted a giant yogurt smear on my shirt. I have no idea how long it has been there.

Talia 3 years ago

I guess i’m weird. I was always that put together mom. I didn’t leave the house without a shower, clean clothes, make-up, and clean hair. I just plopped my little squirt in his pack and play in front of cartoons or put him in his baby proofed room with one of those child doorknobs on long enough for me to shower and change. I guess I got lucky in other areas too. I didn’t get the dreaded criss cross stretchmarks. Though I credit that to the fact that I worked out everyday of my pregnancy whether I wanted to or not and after he was born, I started working out the second my doctor okayed it and dropped the baby weight in a month and a 1/2. Before my son was born my husband and I made a pact that we wouldn’t lose ourselves as people just because we had a kid. I think moms need to take a minute for themselves when they need to. It’s so hard when we have so much going on to spare a minute for ourselves but it’s also so important.

We don’t stop being who we were just because we had kids and I think we have a tendency to forget that. I figured a half hour in the pack and play while mommy showered, changed, and put on her make up made for a much happier mommy and calmer kid because mommy wasn’t super stressed about how she felt about herself. Also, my four inch heels were remarkably comfortable running after him. By the end of his toddler years, they were the most broken in and comfortable pair I owned! :)

    Anonymous 3 years ago

    You can suck it, “Super Mom.”

      Talia 3 years ago

      Hey, i’m not a “Super Mom” by any means. Every woman has something that’s important to her. I just didn’t want to lose myself completely after I had my son and feeling good about myself and my body was important to me. Trust me, I had my share of meltdowns and days where I was running on coffee and an hour of sleep. I also contended with SEVERE PPD which is part of what motivated me to get back into shape and take care of myself. It helped to keep the depression at bay. I just took it one day at a time and chose to make myself a priority after my son who is always my number ONE priority. I just handled things a different way and different isn’t bad. Every mom should do what works for her and helps her keep her sanity and if that’s making sure she is able to feel good about herself while taking care of her little one then that should be okay.

        Kay 3 years ago

        I like this perspective—and Talia, I relate to everything you said. I don’t think we should vilify moms who are well-put-together—and I don’t think we should characterize every mom as being spit-up-covered and wearing mom jeans because that can’t and SHOULDN’T be the only way moms feel like they ‘belong’. And, most importantly, just because a mom is thin or wears makeup and stylish clothes doesn’t mean she’s ‘perfect’ or ‘supermom.’ That is one tiny portion of who a mom is. And we all have our things, don’t we?

          Danielle 3 years ago

          There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing your own thing and making yourself look or feel good. There IS, however, something wrong with being one of those moms who throws it in the rest of our faces as if she is somehow superior because she fixed herself up, didn’t get stretch marks, worked out every day, lost her baby weight in a month and a half, and wore four inch heels doing it.

          Talia 3 years ago

          I apologize if it came across as “throwing it in someones face.” That was not my intention in the least. It was just an honest statement of my own journey in reply to the post. This is the way I handled things myself. I am the LAST person to judge another woman or her parenting, clothing, or choices. Everyone does what is right for them individually and I have no feelings of being better than the woman next to me.

          Tisha 3 years ago

          Lucky you for having a baby who tolerated being left to watch cartoons while you got ready. I have two, 7 and 2, and I still can’t get fully ready!!!! I say we trade!!!!! Lol( I was interrupted 6 times while writing that)

        Amanda 3 years ago

        Sweetie, I know you’re trying to be helpful, but you are coming off as holier than thou, and it makes the rest of us feel badly about ourselves. Good for you that you did that for yourself, but try not to brag about it.

        It’s also a tad concerning, because moms in 4 inch heels tend to have the appearance of a mom who cares more about themselves than their kids, and I hope to God this isn’t the case with you. Seeing as I don’t know you, I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

          Talia 3 years ago

          Holier than thou is not my intention at all. I was just being honest about my own journey. We are all of us different and we all cope in different ways. I’m just stating mine and my own thoughts and feelings. I don’t judge other moms by what they wear or if they’re put together or not. Everyone does things their own way and I tend to live by the mantra “Be kind to others because you have no idea what they might be going through.”

          As for the heels, appearances can be deceiving. It isn’t fair to judge a mom in heels as someone who cares less about her children. In my case, i’ve always had a high heel fetish. I’ve been wearing them since I was fourteen. They ARE my regular everyday foot wear. I love my son just as much as any mother can love her child. What I wear has no bearing on that just as the mom in sneakers would throw herself in front of a bus to save her child, i’m no different.

          Kacie 3 years ago

          Talia, I under stand where you are coming from. I am by no means put together or in shape, but because I am in sales I need to look the part. I think as a mom it IS important that we find something that allows us to hold on to something, ANYTHING, that makes us feel like we are still something other than our children. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids will all my heart and would give my life for any of them (and there are 4). For me I chose to stay a bit punk rock. Yeah, my head isnt shaved and its not hot pink anymore… But when I look at myself, I still see me. If you you, that is keeping up your appearance, then get down with your bad self. For me, that is cooking dinner every night and eating in the dining room, no TV, no phone, just us.

          I think your first comment came off different than you were intending, but if that is what keeps you sane, than that is something that you should never give up.

          jen 2 years ago

          I don’t think she came off as holier than thou at all. I read this article and really couldn’t relate to most of it (I have a 5 year old and another on the way). Yes, I had the inevitable goo/spit-up on my clothes for about the first year of his life (somehow I generally managed to keep it out of my hair), but as a working mom, I couldn’t afford to look like a mess. I also couldn’t stand feeling like a mess, so I wore makeup, fixed my hair, and broke down and bought clothes to fit my post-baby body while I worked to lose the 50 lbs I gained. I also wore heels and carried a small purse, refusing to let my purse become a mom-purse (I don’t need to carry baby stuff to work with me or out to lunch, my purse is not for my kids, it’s for me. I carried a separate bag for my son when needed). Does that make me better than moms who are not as put together? No, but it was what i needed to do in order to not let being a mom become my only defining characteristic. Talla, I applaud you for realizing you’re a better mom when you also make yourself a priority. We are mothers, but as women, we are more than mothers, we are wives, in some cases we are career women, we have interests outside of our children, all of which are important when you consider that at some point, our children will grow up and leave the house. If you’ve only been defined by motherhood, what do you do with yourself when they grow up and and mothering is no longer a full-time job?

          Jessica McFarland 2 years ago

          I don’t think she came off as Holier-Than-Thou at all, as a matter of fact I think the person who said that is coming off that way!!! Just because a mamma doesn’t want to let her looks go doesn’t make her holier than thou… MORE POWER TO YOU darlin

      notsosupermom 3 years ago

      Thanks for that, now I know where I went wrong!!

    Lisa 3 years ago

    Yeh whatever.. I call bullshit!

    TSO 3 years ago

    Some women have no trouble at all, others struggle. I still don’t fucking understand why the lady at my kids per-school looks like she stepped out of a magazine two days after giving birth when I am still working at it. I’m a damn good muti-tasker, but I’m not running in 4 inch heels unless absolutely necessary. I prefer safety over style. Some days i look fantastic, other days I just don’t have a say in it. Each day is a different situation. Sometimes just putting the kid in a pack an play isn’t possible. Especially not when you have more than one!

    grandma 3 years ago

    I have no problem with you being put together and giving yourself more time than your newborn,toddler or child. (OK, I do have a huge problem with any mom thinking her hair is more important than bonding) What really and truly bothers me ls you have no shame. You openly admit to locking your toddler in a room. I don’t care how baby proof you think it is it borders on child abuse. Do not have a baby if you do not want it to change your life. ALL children will and should have a profound impact on your entire world. Live with that. Embrace that before you tell the mom’s that truly enjoy the trials and changes children bring.
    Wrap your mind around this. Not one mom is jealous of your perfect hair, makeup and clothes we just feel really bad for those poor little babies/toddlers/ children you LOCKED in a room to get yourself that way.

      Kay 3 years ago

      Seriously? *facepalm*

      Talia 3 years ago

      Excuse me? Bonding with your child does NOT have to mean they are in your arms 24/7. My child got/gets plenty of time with me and his dad. As for “Locking him in his room” I hardly think fifteen minutes in his bedroom with his toys and a movie on his television was anywhere NEAR child abuse. I’ve SEEN child abuse and my child has never been anywhere near it.

      Yes, he has changed our life. He has enriched it in amazing ways. However, his dad and I have also kept our careers and our marriage a priority as well AFTER him as he is and always will be our number one priority. He is a happy healthy eight year old now and definitely more well adjusted than some children i’ve met. He is also remarkably self sufficient. I suggest your run over and check out Lenore Skenazy’s blog “Free Range Kids” which is the philosophy his dad and subscribe to in our raising of him. As for jealousy. My post here was not intended to arouse jealousy or criticism of the way any mother raises her children. I was simply sharing my own journey and the way that I coped and managed things when he was small. Just because you don’t agree with me doesn’t make my way of doing things inferior to your own. It’s awful judgemental to tell another mother that your way is “better” and your kids are better off.

        Brittany 2 years ago

        Talia I love your post making time to look and feel good is a Must after children .we are all different if more moms took a little more me time for whatever makes them happy it would probably create more patience in their household and hell maybe even help their relationship or marriage. being a mom might be the most important thing in our lives But we can not let it become the Only thing in our lives I would hate for my daughter to never follow her dreams have a hobby she loves or look like raggedy Ann when or if she has kids . people are just ignorant

        kay 2 years ago

        i totally get what you were saying, talia, and thank you for saying it! i don’t think you came across as holier-than-thou at all… i don’t see why you sharing your experience of trying to stay pulled together is any worse or different than anyone else sharing their experience of not doing that!

    Sisters from Another Mister 3 years ago

    Yet another amusing thread here on Scary Mommy …
    I try to keep it together most days and adopting my second certainly helped in avoiding the bone tired feeling I had after having my first – assisted in achieving that ‘I have it all together facade’.
    But you kinda lost me a little in the 4 inch heels …
    then you went onto to describe them as a fetish …
    then I looked at your profile picture just a little closer
    (with my old, tired,worn eyes)
    and the fetish comment and the comfortable running in four inch heels made a little more sense 😉

    Heather 3 years ago

    Good for you! I don’t think you came off as condescending at all. You put a lot of hard work in so good for you. I am also a ‘have to shower daily’ kind of gal who also worked my butt off working out to lose the baby weight and stave off depression. Everyone’s journey is different – thanks for sharing yours!

    Meghan 2 years ago

    Good job, mama! I’m 6 mos pregnant with my first. Exercise is crucial for my mental & physical health, & I absolutely believe it makes me a better wife, (soon) mom, & person in general. I have been working out almost every day through pregnancy & will continue after baby is born. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting baby in a pack n play so you can take a shower. Good grief, people.

      emily 2 years ago

      Not getting stretch marks is all about genetics and skin type. I didn’t get a single one gained 45 lbs and I didn’t exercise and ate brownies for breakfast. So don’t give yourself too much credit. Also some people have easy babies that can be left alone with a bottle in a pack and play and not make a peep all damn day. Mine however will climb right out and immediately go to jumping off the furniture.

      Mary 2 years ago

      Pack-n-play is one thing… locked in a room? Idk if I’d trust my toddler that far. And she IS lucky. Her kid didn’t mind entertaining himself for 30 minutes. Neither of mine were safe to leave alone that long.

      Everyone is different. She’s proud of how she handled it? Great. I’m proud of my yoga pants and teeshirts, and incredibly active kids. But then, I was never a fashion plate to begin with, so it’s not as important to me to be made up and fussed over as it is to her. A shower a day was my goal when my kids were toddlers, and it hasn’t changed much now that they’re busy teens!

    LGV 2 years ago

    Ladies, I am one of you. I own about 3 shirts that fit my body right now and they have all turned in to booby shirts from trying to wear them while breast feeding, toddlers that insist on using it as a rope to climb up Mommy, or my youngest just constantly putting her hand (whole arm actually) between my boobs. Then I have about a billion too big t-shirts that I have stolen from my husband. Every single pair of pants that I own have a tiny rip, hole, or stain SOMEWHERE. I have 3 pairs of shoes (since between my two who were 16 months apart, my feet grew an entire size and a half) and none of them include heals. But I have to stick up for Talia, here. I certainly didn’t see her as condescending at all. We all have stories we easily relate to, and we all have stories that we don’t. We all have victories and areas that we excel and we all have losses and places that we can approve. She was trying to share her victory with us here, and a lot of ladies took it in a really ugly direction. In stead of being rude because she has not only the ability but the will-power to look her best, we should all be congratulating her. I get places like Scary Mommy are places where we all come to let our hair down and not feel bad about ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we get to shun people just because they have good self esteem. :(

      LGV 2 years ago

      That was definitely supposed to be improve. Please excuse typos. I’m typing this instead of leaving to pick my husband up. Lol. He can wait a few minutes so I can be all self-righteous and stuff. But seriously, let’s be nice to one another and not tear each other down. We come here for support, even skinny, well dressed bitches deserve support. 😉

    caryn campo 2 years ago

    Gimme a brrrrreeeeeaaaakkkkkkk! Get over yourself. Four inch heels? I actually lol’d at that one. Funny stuff!

    Karen 2 years ago

    After this, my 4th baby, I’m happy with my flabby belly and lack of makeup and unbrushed hair. After my first baby, I too lost the baby weight in a few weeks, kept up with my exercise and appearance (thanks to a woven wrap) and basically had my life together – but I didn’t feel the need to tell everyone about it. Just confused what you have (or are lacking) in your life that you felt the need to type that big ol’ comment telling everyone how you still have it all together even if most moms don’t. Kinda looks like a pathetic bid for approval, and hon? We don’t know you and we don’t care about you or your fetishes.

      BirthMomof1Stepof2 2 years ago

      Wow. Karen, don’t be such a snarky bitch. Talia parents as she sees fit and is allowed to be proud of her accomplishments. I’m really sorry your self esteem is so low you feel the need to tear her down so yours my rise a couple of points.

    Rachel 2 years ago

    You go girl! A well written accepting of others (or at least thats how I read it and your subsequent polite responses) approach. I lost tons of weight while pregnant and still ended up with stretch marks (gotta love genes). I’m totally the mom without makeup lookin terrible all the time. The things I always have together is activities for my kids. I’m the crafty/over the top party mom. We’ve all got our thing, so go you for knowing what you want yours to be! I have a really hard time putting me second to the kids. Usually I’m 230987438. But I’m working on that. I’m also struggling with severe PPD. The thing I have as my second focus is keeping my husband and my’s couple identity. I don’t want to be the couple that doesn’t know what to say to the person across the table once our kids go off to college. So I take that “me” time as regular date nights, and fun time ;-). Anyways, keep it up (maintaining your identity and taking the time for you whatever that is) and you seemed supportive of other moms so try not to take the nay sayers to heart. They might have JUST run into bitchy, selfish mom (selfish people do exist and some of them are moms). So having just run into judgy mc judgerson, it’s easy to transfer.

      peg 2 years ago

      I don’t understand this as a way of “not losing yourself” unless you defined yourself as a fit, put together type. I have many activities I enjoyed and have stopped doing but it’s not feasible to lock my kids up to do them.

    Becca 2 years ago

    Enjoy that one child! I use to workout like crazy, my hair was stylish, & my clothes fit. I even showered…. get this, everyday when I had one child. Now I have 3. My clothes look like shit, I haven’t had my hair trimmed since I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child, & showering is optional in order to ensure one of the kids doesn’t either (a) hurt themselves, (b) permanently damage another, or (c) break one of the last few breakable items still in one piece.

    Jennifer 1 year ago

    This comment is a joke, right?

Jeannie 3 years ago

Ha! truth!!

Helen 3 years ago


Long live Converse/jeans/tshirts! Makeup? What’s that?

    Robyn 2 years ago

    Couldn’t have said it better myself!
    I’ve been sporting Converse for almost 10 years now, since I was 14 – still going strong at 23, and I gotta say they are perfect for chasing a 2 year old :)

Nicole 3 years ago

I LOVE it!!! Especially the clothes not fitting!

    Kristin 2 years ago

    I get blouses/shirts that are slightly larger so I look skinnier. I pair these with black skinny pants and everyone at work thinks I’m losing weight and that I look great. They just don’t know that I’ve just been carefully choosing clothes. Working moms have no time to workout, really… That and I hate running. LOL

Stephanie 3 years ago

I must sport all of that because I am a child magnet. They sense my Mommyness.

    lesa 3 years ago

    I don’t really sport any of that. I kinda rebelled against mom clothing and decided to go the punk route…and yet the kids love me anyways. Sometimes kids just know the awesome people :) Or in my case, it might be because I own a toy store. I would like to think it is the first one though :)


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