I Have All Boys And, Yes, My Family Is Complete

254 Comments
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I have three boys and, no, I’m not trying for a girl.

It’s not because I wouldn’t  want a girl, it’s because I’m done having babies. Three kids in a span of less than 3.5 years was enough for us. And I’m so tired of people immediately asking us if we are trying for a girl the second they hear we have “just” boys, like my family couldn’t possibly be complete if I’m the only girl around.

When my husband and I were talking about having babies, we never talked about the gender of our babies. We never said we wanted x # of boys and x # of girls. We only talked about how many kids we thought would be right for us. I’ll admit that number used to be four, but then we decided three was the perfect number for us.

There was never any talk while I was pregnant with #2 or #3 that we’d stop if this one was a girl or we’d keep going if it was another boy. Somehow, that just felt so wrong to me: to look down at a tiny little newborn face and say “Ugh, another boy. Well, I guess we’ll try again.”

I did have to come to terms with the idea that I’d never have a little girl because I always assumed I would have one. But, that said, I was certainly never disappointed with any of my boys. If I’d had a girl in addition to my boys, yes, I would love her, of course. But I never looked at any of my boys and wished he was a girl instead. And at this point, I’m done having babies, so I don’t even think about any baby in addition to the ones I have.

Three kids is enough for us. When it’s suggested to me that we should try for a girl, it pisses me off. Like somehow, my family isn’t complete without at least one of each.

Could you imagine if we were trying for another baby? Pregnancy hormones would probably make me punch anyone who looks at my boys and then my pregnant belly and says “I hope it’s a girl.”

I heard comments like that when I was pregnant with my third and I sometimes wanted to respond with “If not, do you want him? Because I’m only having a third to try for a girl” just to see if that response would make them realize how ridiculous their comments were.

I, for one, don’t feel like I’m missing out by “only” having boys, and I don’t feel like I need to have a little girl to have a complete family.

My boys are amazing. And sort of crazy sometimes, too. But, I love them. And love being a boy mama.

And my family is complete.

Related post: 10 Things Never to Say to a Mom Expecting Another Boy

Comments

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  1. 1

    Cynthia says

    I’m pregnant with my third boy. I can’t stand it when people say, “So are you gonna try for a 4th?” I haven’t even had this baby yet!! Same thing happened when I was pregnant with my 2nd… They’d ask if I was going to try for a 3rd. Everyone assumes I must be so bummed!! I wish people would chill out.

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    • 2

      Dawn says

      I have two boys. Am I the only one who was completely relieved to not have a little girl to contend with. Little girls grow up too- and teen girls are not always princesses. I was hell on wheels, and I’m stubborn as anything still, so I’m confident that having two baby boys was the best thing that ever happened to me! Love my boys, and would have loved a little girl too, but I still think I dodged a bullet there ;)

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      • 3

        Rana says

        When my husband and I married and blended our family, we had 3 daughters. We got pregnant and found out, yep it would indeed be daughter #4. When people see us out and about, we are usually asked if we are going to try for a boy. I look them dead in the eye and respond: “see the short one? We tried, obviously boys are not for us” and turn and walk away!

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  2. 4

    chill says

    Amen!!! This is one of my pet peeves! I have all girls and love having the same gender! Sure, when I was pregnant with my second, I thought she was going to be a boy because she was so active. But I am thrilled that even though they have totally different personalities, they find something in common and play nicely together. And because they interact more, they influence their sister more positively than if they were different genders. My shy, quiet one becomes more extroverted because her outgoing sister encourages her, and my nerd shows her sister that it’s cool to be smart. Sure, this can be done with different genders, but I don’t think it’s quite as natural and smooth.

    I see *no* reason why I “need” one of each. Am I collecting them, like a museum needs one of each specimen?

    On a side note, it also peeves me when people are “proud” that their baby is a different gender than the previous one. They make it seem like they won against the odds. Are you kidding me?? It’s a 50/50 chance EVERY SINGLE TIME! Just because you have 2 girls doesn’t mean your chance of having a boy the third time is less than 50%.

    Plus, stop making your other children seem less desired! “I’m so glad we finally have a boy/girl… now our family is complete!” Wow, makes your first one(s) seem like token children, there to check off in the Yahtzee list. “Ok, got a girl. Check…. Got another girl. Hmm, I guess that’ll be our free space…. Finally got a boy. YAHTZEE!”

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  3. 5

    Hilary says

    I love this! I have the opposite frustration. I have a boy already and I’m expecting a girl, which according to the comments I get means my life must be complete now and I should be done having kids after this one because I’ll have a pigeon pair. Fact is I had to adjust my expectations because I had been hoping for a boy since I’m used to all boy families among my friends. At the end of it all, though, I’ll be happy with a healthy child. And if we want more kids later that’s our business. I just get frustrated when people make the assumption that somehow one of each makes up the perfect family. I’ve seen plenty of alternatives that are plenty happy and perfect in their own ways. I’m not somehow better off than all my friends with single gender homes.

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    • 6

      Karla! I says

      I agree with you! I have a boy and a girl and I am expecting my third child. People have actually told me I was crazy because I already have a “Kings family, boy first than girl” and why would I want to mess with it! People are nuts.

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    • 7

      says

      I got that after my second was born (girl, then boy). No, I was not done. I have two more boys now. I even get asked sometimes now if I want to try for *another* girl (because I had three boys in a row and my daughter needs a sister). As it happens we’d love another baby, whether it’s a fourth boy or a second girl, and my daughter *would* like a sister, but that’s really none of their business.

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  4. 8

    says

    SERIOUSLY. we have three girls and ALL the time hear “so are you trying for a boy?” NO. no we aren’t. it’s not a game where you try to collect one of each. happy and healthy and whatever WE decide. gosh!

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    • 9

      says

      We have 3 girls and are currently pregnant… you wouldn’t believe how many strangers look disappointed for me when we answer with “yep it’s a girl!” or how many times I’ve had to hear “well you can always try again.” WTF all I was “trying for” was a healthy pregnancy/ baby…

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    • 10

      says

      We have two girls and both my oh and I have come close to falling out with people who have suggested that we, and oh in particular, are disappointed that one of them isn’t a boy. People are so stupid!! Lol

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  5. 13

    says

    I agree. I have one boy and one boy on the way. And we are done. Are family is complete. We only wanted two kids and gender doesn’t matter. I guess I wasn’t meant to have a girl and I’m okay with that. Boys are easier

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  6. 15

    says

    We have two girls, we always discussed having 2 children, we too said that we had babies to have babies and not a gender. My husband gets fed up with people thinking just because he’s a man all he wants is a boy it’s quite the opposite he actually did want a girl. I actually had someone tell me they were sorry when I was pregnant with my second child when they asked what I was having… Really “sorry” what is wrong with people!!!!!

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