Mommy Porn (for the rest of us)

I found myself at a party last weekend, full of couples and families. Once the kids were out of earshot, conversation turned, like it has so many times over the past few months, to Fifty Shades of fucking Grey. The room quickly divided between the couples whose sex lives it changed for the positive and those whose it hasn’t.

Sadly for my husband, we remained on the latter side, staring back at the rosy cheeked (pun, intended) and giddy couples. I have heard again and again from a nauseating number of friends and family how utterly amazing the book has been for them and I’m sick to death of it. I guess I’m really just a simple girl at heart, because it doesn’t take rough bondage and fancy equipment to turn me on.

Here’s my version of mommy porn.

Anyone else need a cold shower?

About the writer

@scarymommy

What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill Smokler’s stay-at-home days with her children, quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Welcome to Scary Mommy!

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Katina 4 years ago

made me smile! i enjoyed reading 50 shades, but i would prefer to hear all the above and then have a steamy night lol

Darren Michaels 4 years ago

HAhahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha!!!

That is very funny and clever. And maybe the Fifty Shades of Grey just isn’t your cup of tea. Maybe you’d find something like a book you can read in bed (with your husband) much more appealing. This one offers 12 stories from the woman’s point of view, and then you flip it over and read the same 12 stories from the man’s point of view.

Hot steamy stories with minimal bondage, no controlling overtones, etc. Just good old fashioned clean (dirty) fun.

Fay Macrae 4 years ago

What a sexy, hot body. So, yummy. LOL.

kath 4 years ago

So, I read the book 50 shades of grey- and – I’m ether jaded, or melting in the heat because it, of all the hype that the book had, was – pretty- lame. Juicy bits were – pithy. What does this message really say to the young women of the world? Allow a man to smack you because he finds it sexie? IMHO would the book have been better if it had been reversed? that the woman was the rich beautiful one who was Dom over men?

(Smack crack! Yesss!) 😀 LoL

Drama mama 4 years ago

Nothing sexier than a man running the vacuum!

Jennifer Brown 4 years ago

If you want to read a great erotic fantasy series read Laurrell K. Hamilton’s “Meredith Gentry” series. I have all of thr books she has written in this series so far and I am in total love with her main characters.

Alana Cuppy 4 years ago

Get over it and have some fun.

anymommy 4 years ago

I love this and you.

Nic 4 years ago

AWESOME!

Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom 4 years ago

Bingo! :)

Audrey 4 years ago

Ha ha ha this totally made me smile! And I completely agree!

Busted Kate 4 years ago

How about “You’ve got some poop on you. How about you go shower and change and I’ll take care of cleaning up the baby.”

Naya Judith 4 years ago

I love your version of mommy porn! It’s awesome. :-)

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