Parenthood Lost And Found – Scary Mommy

Parenthood Lost And Found

Digging through the “Lost & Found” box at school, looking for the mate to my daughter’s brand new mitten, I joked to a nearby mom that I was searching for my sanity. I didn’t find it – or the mitten – but I did start wondering about all of the other things I had lost or found since becoming a parent…


LOST:

• Any knowledge of current music that doesn’t involve repetitive dance/hand motions, nonsense words and/or animal noises.

• 80% of my pop culture knowledge.

• 60% of my current event knowledge.

• Mornings when my alarm clock reads “8:xx” or later when I wake up.

• My ability to remain awake at an hour that begins with an 11 (who am I kidding, 10).

• Carefree third sneezes.

• The experience of drinking an entire 8oz cup of coffee while it is still hot… or even warm (note: I am able to do this at work).

• The joy found in reading the Travelzoo Top 20 every week, because, while I can dream, I’m really not going anywhere exotic or interesting any time soon.

• Leisure time.

• Matchbox cars, and 27 socks size 3T or smaller.


FOUND:

• The ability to do 3 loads of laundry, a sinkful of dishes, vacuum 4 rooms, dust, scrub, pay bills, take a shower and make dinner during a 45-minute nap.

• Super ears that allow me to hear a crying baby through 2 floors and 6 closed doors… while I am asleep.

• Magic healing boo-boo kissing powers.

• A super sniffer that enables me to smell small amounts of well-contained poo from 50 paces.

• Spatial skills that enable me to hold up a small piece of fabric and know instinctively whether it will fit a 30″ high, 20 lb human.

• The truly amazing capacity of the human heart.

• Survival skills that allow me to live for days on half cups of baby yogurt and grilled cheese crusts and miraculously not lose any weight.

• An anti-squeamish super power that makes it possible for me to catch vomit in my hands, wipe noses with my shirt sleeve and deal with all colors and means of human excretory processes.

• A poker face that allows me to say things like “we’re not going to put pizza in our ears today” and “yes, your grandfather does have a penis” without cracking up.

• The great pleasure of napping (actually, this wasn’t found as much as it was rediscovered.)

• A new and different (and amazing!) sense of strength that comes from pushing a small body out of my own.

• An interesting, hysterical, consuming and challenging common purpose to share with my husband.

• Small, loving, lovely moments that make up a life.

I bet I’ll never find that mitten, but considering all that I have found, I think I’m okay with that.

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