The Motherhood Proclamation

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It seems to me that all of us are getting super sick of ragging on each about our choices as moms. I think we’ve reached a point where we need to grab the hand of the woman closest to us and just say “Fuck It.”

I don’t care if your kid sleeps in your bed with you until they are 100 years old or if they have never slept for one second of one minute by your side. Fuck it. I don’t care if your feed your kid baby formula or Kombucha tea or Spam or if you feed them the old-fashioned boob way. I just don’t care. I don’t live your life, so why would I?

Let’s all raise our collective mom voices together and say, Fuck it, we are all women and mothers and we are all doing the frickin’ best that we can.

Let’s be friends and fellow team-mates in this thing we call motherhood.

Please come to me when you are sad and shaken by motherhood, as we all are at one time or another. I shall hand you a glass of wine, if you are one who partakes, and just listen. I won’t try to solve it. I will just listen and nod in understanding of one who has been there, too.

Even though I believe my child is the most amazing walking sack of DNA that ever graced the planet, I also understand that he is probably as annoying to you as your kid is to me. I get it. No hard feelings.

I won’t compete with you in my mind. And I won’t compare my child to yours at every turn. I just won’t do it. Our kids will do their own thing in their own time and it really has nothing to do with us.

I will know that when you are screaming at your child helplessly in the grocery store that you have every reason and right to do so. Whatever it is that brought you to that point was as crazy as what brought me to the point of screaming at my own children in the sick room at the hospital that one day. I will remember this and empathize and give you a thumbs up.

I won’t judge your decisions in how to parent your child. I don’t know that kid like you do and I never will. I will mind my own business because if I judge, it is more about the insecurity I feel in my own decisions. I will remember this always.

I will lend a hand to mothers in need. We are all mothers and at one time or another we will all need other mothers. Whatever form that need comes in, if I have it to give, I will give it. An ear, a meal, a grocery trip, a hug, a beer, a laugh, a road-trip, a sob session, a text, duct tape, whatever.

I will put myself on your side. And not on the opposite side. As women and mothers, we are the only ones that know how each of us feel. How that overriding love for our offspring makes us a little crazy sometimes. How our ovaries are sometimes tricky bastards and our hormones make us want chocolate. Our kids don’t get it. Our partners don’t always get it. So we have to stick together in this whole motherhood thing.

Let’s just put down all of these annoying arguments; working vs. non-working, breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding, circumcising, sleep-training, punishment giving, organic vs. non-organic, potty-training, home-birthing vs. hospital birthing, stuff vs. not stuff, give ‘em the reins vs. reins them in.

And then let’s burn these arguments. Burn them with our understanding that these are just little imperfect human beings that we are raising. They aren’t, in fact, a fragile alien species that require perfect parenting.

These kids will survive all of our good and bad decisions. We will shape them or we won’t. But maybe if we are a little more understanding of each other, we can instill that one important thing upon them.

And then the internet can be used for what it was intended for; looking at pictures of cute cats and making fun of celebrities so we can feel better about ourselves.

Are you in?

Comments

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  1. 1

    says

    Thank you! You are so right! We do need to just support each other and stop being competitive, judging each other, sighing, and giving disapproving looks. We all pick and choose our battles and who am I to know what battles you are facing and which ones you choose to pick and which ones you let go. I don’t walk in your shoes just as you don’t walk in mine. Thank you for posting this – it’s the same thoughts I have been having as of late and you said it perfectly!

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  2. 3

    says

    Yes. This. This. This.

    I recently blogged about something similar, and sadly lost a very good friend because she felt that I was trivializing her struggle with her Autistic-diagnosed son, when I said that I have the same struggles with my non-diagnosed-anything kids.

    It’s not a competition.
    Parenting is hard for everyone. <3

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  3. 4

    says

    AGREED! We are here to help each other not hinder. Reach out and help that mom by not passing judgment. I remember one day inside a huge popular crafting store. My daughter was being really bad waiting in line at the store. Everyone in line talking about me and her. I was trying to ignore the behavior because if I react it gets 10x worse. People just don’t understand autism and on a side note “Why must registers have candy galore?”- f#$&ing really!” Anyway Well when we finally got up to the register, my daughter took off from me while paying. I was frantic! But out of all the people in the store, including employees. Only 1 person came to my rescue to help me find her, ANOTHER MOM. Then I will remember it forever. This Mom told me that I was doing the best job and not to be hard on myself because every person in that line who had an issue was the real problem. I hugged her! My daughter saw this, hugged my hip and then asked if she could hug the lady too. Actions truly do speak louder than words! LOVE THIS!

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  4. 10

    Jessica says

    Crazy internet arguments amongst strangers aside, in the “real world” I don’t really see mothers outright arguing any of these issues. Sometimes I see mothers who are a little too vocal (but not arguing)…like the time I went to a baby shower and a guest announced loudly “don’t forget breast is best!” and moved on….there was no debate, just her loud, annoying announcement. No one needs that.

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    • 11

      says

      I agree with ya there! I’ve almost stopped reading the “comments” people leave. UGH! But in my real-life world, I’ve only received judgmental looks and a few whispers. And they always shut up and move on when I make eye contact. I’ve had some great (in-person) conversations with people even though we’ve chosen different parenting paths.

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  5. 12

    Brenda Starr says

    Dont change a thing… its called growing up funny we dont see it, it just happens..ps keep the language… its the best way to understand … fuck it..live and be happy…

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  6. 14

    Jean Usner says

    What you say has merit – the expletives are not necessary to make your point. I have observed more kindnesses from fellow customers in stores than judgmental behavior. Focus on the positive – smile, shrug, put your hands up, and loudly say “this is not the way I planned my day to go” or anything you can think of and people will smile and maybe even help.

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    • 16

      dele says

      For-fucking-real! Get over it, folks… sticks and stones might break your bones but your FUCKING three-year-old aren’t reading this!!! Get a life and drop your judgmental bullshit at the bus stop… Great article; and J. if you really think people stop talking about you when you make “eye contact” you are fooling yourself, (how very “Pollyanna” of you)…

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  7. 20

    Lori Quinton Holmes says

    We are all a part of the same human design, and we are alll trying to figure it out. We need each other's loving compassion more than anything. Smile, breath deep and carry on;)

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