Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
1. Mommy is on the phone right now, so let’s entertain ourselves quietly.
2. I know where my soccer cleats are!
3. I’m going to play with my toys now. I really do have so many of them.
4. You’re making what for dinner? YUM!
5. That puddle would make an awfully big mess. I’m not going to stomp in it.
6. We’re going to be in the car for five hours? Let me pee first.
7. I’m too full for dessert.
8. I have a lot of homework tonight, I should get started.
9. Can I have some dental floss?
10. We all decided that we want to watch the same thing on TV.
11. Thank you for that yummy lunch! I didn’t trade any of it at the cafeteria.
12. You’re so much more fun than Dad.
13. Let’s get those thank you notes over with!
14. I’ve had enough electronics for the day.
15. I have a class project due two weeks from now.
16. I’m ready for bed.
17. I don’t care what my friends are allowed to have or do.
18. What did you ask me to do before? I want to made sure I go and do it.
19. I’m really enjoying this long car ride.
20. I need to wash my hands.
21. I’ll take the smallest piece, please.
22. You’re in the bathroom? OK, I’ll wait to ask you my unimportant question.
23. We don’t have school tomorrow? That stinks.
24. There’s so much to do in this house!
25. We’re going to be late, let’s go!
{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
And #26. Mom, you look pretty today.
Ellie recently posted..Comment on Blacklisted Book Celebrates 1st Birthday by Ellie S. Grossman
I should have yelled, “Jinx!” We must have the same kids.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Almost a hoarder.
My three sons tell me at least 5 times a day each how beautiful they think I am. Well, the 7 and 8yr olds do…the 2yr old doesn’t do it more than once. Your kids really don’t tell you how beautiful you are every single day? :(
My youngest one still does. But my 14 year old girl really makes me have to dig deep into my confidence bag to undo some of the stuff she says. Ouch.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Almost a hoarder.
Fourteen year old girls should be locked away until they’re 30. I sure deserved that. See also: 19-year-old “boys”.
Mine would include, “You are wearing THAT to the mall? You look great!”
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Almost a hoarder.
I just love the bathroom unimportant question!
Yes! The bathroom is like a conference room in my house.
Urban Mommy recently posted..Loosing My Marbles
I love when they add “man, mom it stinks in here” ok soi didn’t invite you in here, so leave!
Love it! And how about, “Look! Dirty plates in the sink. I’ll just rinse them and put them in the dishwasher.”
Christina Baglivi Tinglof recently posted..Favorite Twin? Understandable But Keep It Under Wraps, Please
hey that never happens , how about
OH the garbage is full, I should empty it now rather than trying to cram one more thing in there so I dont have to take it out.
Or “can I just run the vacuum real quick in here?
BonnyBard recently posted..No children on my plane, I’ve got rights.
This is awesome!
I’ll add, “No mom, I don’t want a new toy, of course not.”
Alison recently posted..In 5 Minutes….
True story: I have a friend whose kid goes into toy stores and when she says they’re not buying anything he answers with: “that’s ok mom, I’m just looking”. I’d say he counts as the exception confirming the rule though!
BonnyBard recently posted..No children on my plane, I’ve got rights.
You described my son. And he’s like that about every thing – laid back. He never threw temper tantrums, even when he was a toddler. Now, he will try to negotiate these days. He wants to debate the terms and conditions (of things like bedtime) like a lawyer. That’s a new development, but much preferred over whining and pouting.
Btw, I don’t know how he got so laid back, he just came that way. He has two very high-strung, passionate parents. But somehow we wound up with little Buddha. I worry that our true tests in parenting lie ahead in the teenage years. It’s just been too easy up ’til now. The other shoe is sure to drop.
This list is going to keep growing:
Here’s one: The reason you don’t see my jock strap/cup on the kitchen table (again) is because I put it away.
Becky recently posted..Mirror, Mirror
Ha. Sounds lovely. Just this week, I got, “Mommy’s on the phone so let’s destroy our one-day-old couch with this stray sidewalk chalk I found,” which was followed up with, “Mommy’s on the phone again, so let’s pour our (supposed to be non-leaky) sippy cups of milk all over the one-day-old couch.” Longest Time Out of his life so far!
Stephanie recently posted..The $12 Wash
Love it! Although my slightly neurotic 6 year old actually does say #25 – a lot!
I would add, “Wow, that outfit you picked out for me is perfect!”
Jenn recently posted..The Digest Diet – If The Jeans Fit
Those dirty socks balled up in the corner? Those are mine. Let me un-ball them and put them in the hamper.
Mine actually does ask for floss but she’s 4 and just likes the taste of it
“I’m tired I think I’ll head to bed early.”
“Mommy, you look tired. I really think you need a nap. Now that I think about it, so do I. Let’s all take a really long nap.” HA HA HA HA! Never, ever will happen!
The Sadder But Wiser Girl recently posted..When I Grow Up I’ll Be Stable, And Maybe I’ll Get To Do Stuff
If my kids ever said that, I would be very suspicious of what they were planning for while I was sleeping!
My kids say this, too! lol ButI think they like sleeping in Mom’s bed for a nap with me, though. :P
courtney martin recently posted..Hello world!
Hee hee. Classics! I’d love to hear:
“I’ll feed the cat AND scoop his litter box. Remember I told you if you let me have a cat that I would always take care of him.”
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted..Is that an iPhone 5?
Boy, this is gonna grow, huh?
“Thank you”
“Oh, you haven’t eaten yet? I won’t have thirds then.”
“I’m going to bathe”
Arnebya recently posted..Ruination
Oh that’s a good one, not asking for thirds and fourths. My step son will ask for another serving before his first plate is even empty. Other people need to eat in this house too!
Ha. Hilarious. Mine never say, “Why don’t you just spend some more time on your computer?”
Unless it’s sarcastic.
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted..Sunday Night Angst and Seeing the Light
OH MY GOSH!!! The bathroom!!! Yes!!! Why does everyone feel the need to follow me in there? Even the 2 puppies try to squeeze through before I shut the door!!! LOL :) And if I do manage to get in alone I’m expected to carry on a full conversation while in there! Loved the list!
“Why would I want to sleep with you? I love sleeping all by myself.”
Jennifer recently posted..Survey says…
And….
“It was me that (didn’t flush the toilet) (spilled juice and didn’t clean it up) (left the crayons all over the living room floor) (insert any other thing normally answered not me to).”
Jennifer recently posted..Survey says…
I love that one! On that note, how do I get this baby out of my bed before he’s 10?
Kelly @ In the Mom Light recently posted..A Questionable Conversation with My Husband
My 5 year old said #5 this very morning! Did I mention I had a bit of trouble this morning because I walked outside and found my rear window shattered! But she is worried about being late to school! My children are neurotic about being late!
See, my boy (5) actually does say/yell #25… usually after I’ve yelled it 14 times to HIM, and right around when I have to run back into the house to get whatever forgotten item he’s just told me about.
Also: “I love you more!”
and: “I’m going to let mom sleep in, since it’s Saturday.”
Sarah recently posted..Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 20 – Rootin Tootin Cowgirl (and the big reveal!)
This is PERFECT!!
Thank you mom. For all that you do for me. I’m really lucky to have you.
They will say this when they are grown and have left home.
and have their own kids…
BonnyBard recently posted..No children on my plane, I’ve got rights.
Love, love, love this.
June O’Hara recently posted..In Crisis: The Yard Sale
I might be biased, but I loved hearing this:
“Mom, I like spending time with dad because he isn’t mean and he makes food I like to eat.”
My son was around 4 or 5 when he said that, can’t quite remember. But I do remember that it didn’t go over so well. As a PSA to other men might I suggest not giggling about words to that effect while trying to convince your wife that time in the bedroom would be good for both of you.
For some odd reason things like that tend to kill her mood. Funny female libido, who understands it.
Jack recently posted..How I Became A Serial Killer- Or The Headline You Hate
You never fail to come up with the funniest, but SO true posts. I still call my mom to look for my stuff and I have two kids of my own. I mean how am I supposed to find my stuff when I’m so busy looking for their stuff. Oh, and my mom also says that we “adult children” still bother her in the bathroom!
Kelly @ In the Mom Light recently posted..A Questionable Conversation with My Husband
Oh so true, except for n°16. My kids really say that. Please don’t hate me…
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..It is out there, out to get you…
When my kids say some of this…I know they’re getting sick.
I’d like to add…Sissy and Bubs and I all decided on the same movie/place to eat/thing to play with.
Issa recently posted..Can I have November now?
I already put on my shoes.
I did my homework after school.
No I won’t die, I can wait until dinner is ready.
No mom your room is so much scarier than mine.
“Soda or fruit punch?? I think I’d rather have a V8!”
My oldest actually loves V8 and has for years. She also loves all seafood, blue cheese dressing and raw spinach.
“How could anyone get bored in this house? We have all the toys and books we could ever want! Lets go play with them.”
My 8y.o. will ask for floss and put herself to bed if she’s tired. My 6 y.o. (boy) on the otherhand hasn’t brushed his teeth in a few days. And the idea of a shower for him is running in the sprinkler. “Mom, I am clean. I was just in the sprinkler!” But then you were in the sandbox, mudpit, and garden!!! But he does tell me all the time how much he loves me…so all is forgiven!!!
Or how about ” I peed all over the toilet ,let me clean it up right now ,instead of leaving it for you to sit in ” But in reality my son just says ” It was haily!” (his little sister)
“I put my shoes away so you won’t have to search for them and be late.”
“The baby is napping so I’ll go play quietly in my room.”
I think I would die if I heard either of those.
Jodi recently posted..Oil Cleansing Method (OCM): The Beginning
I would love to hear ‘You got your hair cut? It looks GREAT!’ My foster daughter doesn’t accept change well and also thinks I should grow my hair as long as it will go. No way Jose.
“Look at all these toys on the floor! I’ll pick them up now.”
:)
Kristen Mae recently posted..Birthdays Are Stupid
Nailed it. I loved this post! Sharing with my blogging world. :)
Deb recently posted..story of a bubble bath
How about:
“Hey Mom! No need to ask me to [clean my room/brush my hair/pick up my crap]? I already did it!”
“Mom looks busy. I’ll go ask Dad instead.”
Elizabeth recently posted..10 Things Designed for Kids by People Without Kids
How about, “Hi Mom, thanks for picking me up early today. I’m really excited to have some time with you.”
Or, “It’s the weekend, we’ll let you sleep in.”
I would be so concerned if my kids ever uttered any of these words. Glad to know I’m not alone, Jill!
I have an almost 21 year old and a seventeen year old. All hell still breaks loose if I’m on the phone. The only time they ever want to talk to me is if I’m on the phone.
Vanessa recently posted..5 Things About Getting My Groove Back
Your list? EXTREMELY accurate. You win, hands down.
Gigi recently posted..After all these years – why am I surprised?
Mom, you don’t have to tell me the exact location of that item I was looking for, I actually opened my eyes and it was really right there in front of me.
I would love to hear this from my son, just once.
Mercy recently posted..Keeping Sick Kids Happy – and Busy
“Mommy, why don’t you just pick out an outfit for me. I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear today.”
“Today I think I’m going to go through all my old toys and pick the ones I should give away since I have too many to play with.”
“Tonight, I’m putting myself to bed! Just relax and enjoy your evening with Daddy.”
Jackie @ MomJovi recently posted..The Paper Bag Princess
You’re so funny, Jill! Your lists are the BEST!
Lynn Kellan recently posted..Pardon the suds, but I have to wash my clothes in the lake.
This list should be made into a poster so that all moms can hang it up SOMEWHERE! Love it!
Crystal recently posted..And the world’s largest penis award goes to?
I’m waiting on my 23 yr. old daughter to say this….
“Mom, you were right. I should have listened to you.”
Darcie recently posted..How NOT To Cook A Spaghetti Squash
Lol! Love this. I know my kids really can’t talk well – but the letting me use the bathroom in peace? Holy crap! Why can’t I poop in peace? If God forbid I close the door and leave them out, it sounds like a herd of zombies are trying to get in.
Imperfect Jessica recently posted..Close to my Heart
My daughter stands outside the door screaming like she’s dying if I go to the bathroom without her. She will also bang her head against the door, fall down on the floor and scream louder….because she hurt herself.
Oh! You’re in the bathroom? Let me wait patiently until you’re finished to ask you a question about the parental passcode on the TV.
Kirsten recently posted..Earthies Monza Platform Heel Review
Ouch. This made me laugh & on This particular day it summarizes my mental chatter ;) about my life With Kids :p lol
It also made me Really Bummed out reading the comments stream.. And, my kids Never tell me I’m beautiful.. And, Neither Does my Husband! +P ever. :’(
Ouch!
“Mom, I used the bathroom, flushed the toilet, put the seat cover down AND wash my hands!” Take it from a mom of 3 boys, this never happens.
Autherine recently posted..A Virtuous Woman and Mother
How about,
“Thank you for organizing my toys so well mom! I am going to make sure I put everything away when I am done playing with it!”
*looks around at the JUST CLEANED before work bedroom that now looks like a hurricaine came through*
*sigh*
I would love to hear the one about dinner!
So funny and so true.
Mercy recently posted..Keeping Sick Kids Happy – and Busy
My daughter isn’t even talking, yet she has found a way to ask me unimportant questions while I’m in the bathroom. So you’re telling me, it gets better, huh?
This is great! I will have to refer back to it when I am wishing my little one was able to just tell me what she wants instead of crying and fussing… Makes me thankful she’s not talking yet!
Pam recently posted..Mission Accountable: Day 4
“Mom I just cleaned up all the toys in the living room and I put each one exactly where it goes!!”
NEVER. IN. A. MILLION. YEARS.
Elaine recently posted..How my mind works
Wouldn’t it be GREAT if they did though, especially #1!
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..ARE WE THERE YET?!
so true, especially the bathroom and on the phone. Classic!
Nellie recently posted..The Digest Diet Book Review + Giveaway!
Love it, and live it daily!
I would add “I don’t need a new cup for my drink of water, I can re-use this one from earlier today”
Haha – so true! I would LOVE for my boys to say, “Can we please sleep in tomorrow?”! Granted they’re 2 and 4, so I know some day they’ll be begging to sleep in, but for now I would love to sleep until noon just once!
Mommy’s Always Write recently posted..Motherhood-Induced Insomnia
My favorite is #4. Even when they loved the dish you made it the last time, the second time gets a completely different reaction. I can’t keep up with them!
I wonder if there is a child that could say this “We don’t have school tomorrow? That stinks.” In my house that will be a celebration.
Ebony Hindes recently posted..Bikini Underwater Fashion
OMG #3 made me laugh so hard because I don’t think I’ve EVER said “go play with your toys” without immediately following it with “you have so many of them.” You nailed it!
Christine @ Quasi Agitato recently posted..Cocky Mom Rides Again!
This is HILARIOUS!
Can I please quote on your list in my blog kid-a-porterwith reference and link to you?
Thanks for making my day :)
Greta
Greta recently posted..Tootsy Thursday: Burberry Nova Check Booties
Hee! Love this! {so much!}
Galit Breen recently posted..The Big Gay Race
i want to go to bed early
my kid is bummed that she can’t go to school tomorrow because of the hurricane, so there #reallysheisjustadramaqueenandanyexcusewilldo
onSanity recently posted..on life’s little detours….
One can dream….hopefully you might get one or two of these comments in a lifetime…
12 16 and 20 are things I’ve heard my daughter day. Lol
I guess I have my daughter well trained! The first thing she askes me when she wants something: “Mommy is this too expensive?”
Well, my daughter says if the item she wants is over 5 dollars, “Mommy, I know this is too expensive… I don’t want it.”
That just breaks my heart and want to buy it to her!!
This is so true…
Another one would be: I’m so so so sorry mommy… I truly deserve this spanking.
LOL, funny! But actually, My daughter, 2.5, does ask for dental floss (floss pick) and to wash her hands all the time.