15 Things Moms Say…And What We Really Mean

1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.

2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.

3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.

4. “Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened.

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5. “Don’t make me turn this car around!” I am totally bluffing, if we turn around now we will be going home without any groceries, diapers or wine. We need to keep this car in route to it’s destination, so please just fall for my bluff and I’ll give you a cookie at the grocery store.

6. “Don’t forget to say please and thank you.” I’m not really sure what I’m going to do if you don’t say these things, so please just say them. You will look polite, I’ll look like a good Mom and we will all win.

7. “Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up to be big and strong!” I really don’t want to have to admit to your pediatrician that I can’t get you to eat healthy foods, but I also don’t want to have to lie, so please eat just a couple bites. I’m begging you. I’ll give you a cookie.

8. “You are just fine.” You are okay, right? Go run around and play, jump off the couch or refuse to eat your veggies, so I know that you are acting normal.

9. “Do you want a little cheese with that whine?” I wonder if I could teach you to go pour me a glass of wine?

10. “I am the parent and you are the kid.” I am aware that this is super condescending and that you already know who’s who around here, but I’m actually just giving myself a pep talk out loud, I’m not really even talking to you.

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11. “Let’s try to not eat off the floor.” I don’t really care if you eat off of the floor, just don’t tell anyone that I let you.

12. “I would never have gotten away with that when I was your age.” I don’t actually remember ever being your age, but it sounds legit anyway.

13. “I am going to count to three and then you better be in your bed.” I literally have no energy left, it’s the end of the day and I just want us all to go to bed. I’m going to count to three very slowly and hope it works, because after that, I’ve got nothing.

14. “Goodnight, stay in bed.” Please, please, please stay in bed. I’m so tired tonight that I may actually pretend to think you’re in bed if you get up to play with toys, but please just close your eyes and go to sleep. Please?

15. “I love you.” I love you more than you can know. And I really hope I’m doing okay at this Mom thing.

Related post: 10 Things I Said My Children Would Never Do

About the writer

Brook has always wanted to make people laugh, lucky for her she gave birth to two hilarious boys who give her more than enough material to work with. She spends all her time at home taking care of her two little comedians, while also trying to squeeze in moments alone with her hubby. She can be found on her blog Stay Home Mama. Her favorite times of day are nap time, bed time and when she gets a new "like" on Facebook.

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Mara 1 month ago

True

Kerith Lewis 12 months ago

Totally agree!

Erin Tate Marsh Beall 12 months ago

All true!

Amber Bollinger 12 months ago

Love it! Not sure if I really agree with all of these. Even though Emma is only 6 months, so how would I know anyways? Lol

Jacqueline Barker 12 months ago

I love that we all sometimes talk to ourselves to get through the day, regardless of whether or not our kids are listening.

    Stay Home Mama 12 months ago

    Right? I have to be careful when I go out into public and the kids aren’t with me, otherwise I just look like a crazy person talking to herself. 😉

Annie Rittmann 12 months ago

If my girls threw their food on the floor on purpose i made them pick it up and eat it, till they once dropped some favorite snack on the floor of a restaurant. I was horrified.

Shannon Baumgartner Juarez 12 months ago

Hilarious. This is me all the time. “Please, please don’t make me get up and find a suitable punishment for whatever you’re doing.”

Eoanna Markopoulos-Lantinga 12 months ago

This is hilarious and so true

lauren 12 months ago

Go to bed and be quiet. But please make a little noise so I know you are still breathing and don’t have a panic attack….again

Amanda Macdonald 12 months ago

LOL 13 and 14 Every. Dang. Night. Uhg 😛

Katie Poynter 12 months ago

I have given up on telling my 2yo son not to eat off the floor. Given.up.

Sarah Jane Soutiere 12 months ago

#15…

Krissy Brewer 12 months ago

i often feel the things i say to my children are followed by a silent disclaimer

Monica Webster Boylen 12 months ago

Awesome! You come up with the greatest articles.

Amanda Noelle Matwie 12 months ago

My kids are so used to picking food off of our floors that they don’t understand why we that’s not okay at a restaurant or food court lol

Katie De Oliveira Anderson 12 months ago

Hahah #14 every single day lol

Liz Gordon 12 months ago

Giggling like an idiot reading this… Nice to know there are others out there as crazy as me!

Shan 12 months ago

A good one that wasn’t on there.. When they ask to do something and your reply is “maybe, we will see” and what you mean is “no, we are not doing it and I hope that you’ll forget about it in twenty minutes”.

Lisa Spaeth Valentine 12 months ago

Yes!!!!

Jamie Lynn Gross 12 months ago

Great job on this article. It’s funny that I can’t think of one mom who doesn’t say this stuff to their kids and have those thoughts going on in their head. Just the other day my son came into the kitchen and placed his little muffins on the floor to eat them because he wanted to be in kitchen with me. All I could say was “buddy, the floor is probably dirty. Can you at least use this paper plate while you sit on the floor to eat the muffins I strategically placed on your desk in the living room.?” He looked at me and said no to the plate. I ended it with, “okay, just please don’t do that in front of anyone or outside this house.” There are some battles not worth fighting.

Ashley Cara Masters 12 months ago

YES!!!!!!!

Lisa Hamilton-Wacht 12 months ago

Really!?!?!

Sharolin Evon 12 months ago

Hahahhahaha yes!

Ali Faye Rood 12 months ago

I love this post, the humor and reality. Trust me, writing like this will keep you and lots of other moms sane. You’re doing great lil’ mama’s. (I can say that cause I’m a Nanny/granny)

Lisa Hamilton-Wacht 12 months ago

Love this! She managed to recite my every thought this wk!

Kimberly Smith Franks 12 months ago

In my house, “Don’t go into the kitchen, I just mopped the floor” means: Oh crap, don’t go into the kitchen, I forgot to hide my recent chocolate purchase!

Veronika Petrekova-Velimirovic 12 months ago

I say all of them. Lol

Christina Ferris 12 months ago

My four year old will find a piece of candy on the floor blow it off and say “yep, it’s good” and then pop it in her mouth lol.

Frazzled Ends 1 year ago

#10 cracks me up! A little pep talk is needed every now and then

Tanya O’Grady 1 year ago

So at a wrestling practice for my boys – my 8 year old came over whining! I said #9 and he said what does that mean… So I had to explain what wine was, that sometimes adults ear cheese with it and it really means we want you to stop whining! He nodded his head, went back to practice and the mom sitting next to me started clapping! She said that was so awesome! I was highly embarrassed! As I was new, I wasn’t sure if she was genuine or sarcastic ( I know her better now and she just thought I was funny!)

Chalyn Corley 1 year ago

#5 & #10…..so much truth.

Corinne Boddy 1 year ago

Great post!

Staci Taylor Willson 1 year ago

#11 ha!!

Jessica Wheeler Brown 1 year ago

I disagree with most of these. If I count to 3 and my daughter is not obeying, her butt’s getting spanked. If I say eat your food, she’s sitting at the table till it is gone. I don’t mince words with her!!!

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