What I Wish I’d Known As a New Mom

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You-Like-Aiden

When you’re pregnant, people are filled with unsolicited advice for you: What you should eat. What you shouldn’t eat. How to sleep, how to exercise, how to tell what gender the baby is, how to do everything. And it doesn’t stop once the baby arrives. People love to offer their two cents, but I don’t recall receiving much advice that was actually helpful. In the least. Here’s what I wish I’d been told:

1. Breast may be best, but formula is fine too. I couldn’t breast feed. I envisioned myself all earth mothery, hair flowing and child at the boob, but it just wasn’t meant to be. The first few weeks with Lily were heartbreaking and frustrating. People told me how to hold her, how to pump and how to increase milk production. But, not once, did anybody tell me that it was OK to feed her formula. That she would still bond with me and that she would still thrive. Which she did.

2. Don’t rush home from the hospital. You have nurses waiting on you, room service, clean linens appearing without you ever having to load the washing machine… Enjoy it! Things won’t be the same at home.

3. It’s a baby, not an alien. In other words, don’t stress yourself out with fancy baby crap. I shopped around for changing tables for months. You want to know the only place all three of my children ever got changed? The kitchen counter. It’s the perfect height, requires no climbing up the stairs and diapers easily fit in a drawer below. The fancy stuff is fun, but most times unnecessary.

4. Accept all babysitting offers. People love new babies and will be thrilled to hold your little one while you shower, cook a meal or take a nap. Holding a newborn is a joy. A two year old? Not so much. Take people up on their offers now, they have a very limited shelf life.

5. Point the penis down to prevent leaky boy diapers. (Why on earth does nobody tell you this?)

6. Don’t buy infant clothes. You may not be able to resist a few pieces, but don’t go crazy. People will be giving you plenty and you will most likely just use the same few pieces right out of the dryer. And don’t take the tags off of anything until you absolutely need to. Before Lily came home from the hospital, I washed every item through 6 months and folded them in her drawers. She never wore three quarters of them and I couldn’t return or regift a thing.

7. Resist anything with a million snaps or buttons. As adorable as they may be, they’ll bring you to tears at three o’clock in the morning. Elasticized layettes will be your best friend for the first few weeks.

8. Keep an emergency diaper kit in the car. I remember showing up for our first pediatrician appointment with no diapers, no wipes and no change of clothes. It takes getting used to schlepping around all of that crap, and newborn diaper blow-outs are inevitable. Be prepared.

{But when in doubt…}

9. Ask for help. Once you’re a mom you become a member of “the mom club.” We’ve all been there before– I’m never ashamed to ask a stranger with kids if she can spare a few spare wipes should mine run out and am happy to give that crying kid at the park some goldfish. We’re all human, you know.

10.  Enjoy it. Not because it goes by so fast (and it does,) but because as exhausted as you may be, the first few months are truly the easiest. If you should have another child, you will wonder why you thought a single newborn was so tough. But you’ll never believe it until you’re there.

Related: The Rules for Visiting a New Mom

Comments

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  1. 1

    desiree fawn says

    These are some great things for new mamas to keep in mind. Also, don’t forget about us home birth ladies — we might not have some of the advantages of being in hospital, but the midwives here do such a great job of being there for you those first couple weeks!

    desiree fawn’s last blog post..for the love of fenugreek.

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  2. 2

    SquiggleMum says

    Love this list. You’re right about all the advice you get when you’re pregnant, and I found it just kept coming in the early weeks with a new bub too. My advice is to smile politely at all advice, but just take what you want out of it and leave the rest!

    SquiggleMum’s last blog post..Little Miss Three

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  3. 3

    Rachel says

    All true! Especially #10! I can’t help but laugh a little at new moms who are overwhelmed with their newborn while I’m fantasizing about how easy my days would be if I had only one tiny one to tote around!

    Rachel’s last blog post..Say What?

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  4. 4

    McMommy says

    Love this post!!! I’m sharing it with my friends who are pregnant with their first!

    McMommy’s last blog post..Reason #347 Why You Should Never Attempt to Make a Phone Call While Your Kids Are Awake

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  5. 6

    Missy Luce says

    At this point, I’ve learned that you don’t even need a nursery. Birch sleeps in a crib in the guest room complete a with pink and white bumper pad leftover from the girls’ baby days. When we have guests, he sleeps in our closet in a pack n play. To be honest, he sleeps more soundly in the closet since the ghetto noise doesn’t permeate so easily to that part of the house.

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  6. 7

    Daisie says

    Brilliant post, so true and so helpful. It’s easy to say all this on ‘the other side’ and it’s true that no one gives good advice that really matters! Shall point all expectant mums I know this way!
    xxx

    Daisie’s last blog post..We Have A Bed!!

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  7. 8

    Jessica says

    Wonderful things for me to keep in mind! I was gifted with a 5 year old to mommy two years ago, but now my husband and I are talking about trying to have a baby and I will need all of the help/advice I can get!

    Jessica’s last blog post..Fearless

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  8. 9

    Lizzie says

    great list! i too was terrified my baby wouldn’t be healthy when i found out i couldn’t breast feed. sometimes they cram it down your throat as the only alternative. i wanted to, real bad! but my body doesn’t usually listen to me anyway.

    i agree 100% with everything you’ve listed here :)

    Lizzie’s last blog post..The Power of Music

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  9. 10

    leanne says

    LOVE THIS!! these are the things that should be in ALL the books:) it took me months to figure out the “pointing the penis” tip on my own. GEEZ!!!

    leanne’s last blog post..Loud and Proud

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  10. 11

    Jennifer says

    Great advice. I think there is some kind of mom club where you don’t get the good advice until you are a member.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Unimportant Happiness

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  11. 12

    Marinka says

    Love this advice! totally could have used it 10 years ago. Except I’d add, ‘ignore all other advice’.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Saturday Wrap Up

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  12. 13

    Rhea says

    Great, useful advice. I love being part of the mom club.

    I breastfed both my boys, but I do think everyone has to do what works best for them. I don’t think people who formula feed should be made to feel worse for that decision. We all have to do what works best.

    And most of our diaper changing was done on the floor. lol

    Rhea’s last blog post..The Butt of the Joke

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  13. 14

    Lady Mama says

    Very true! After I had my second, I couldn’t believe how easy I’d had it with just one. And to be honest, I am willing these baby months to hurry up (because of the exhaustion), but I know I’ll miss them when they’re gone.

    Lady Mama’s last blog post..Burning the baby weight

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  14. 15

    James (SeattleDad) says

    Great advice. We stayed a few extra days at the hospital and it was a great decision. And, we had enough infant onesies to cloth a small nation of little ones. Didn’t use 99% of them.

    James (SeattleDad)’s last blog post..Secret Plan

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  15. 16

    Lynn from For Love or Funny says

    I would also urge new moms to sleep whenever their kids are sleeping. Sometimes, a nap is the best way to improve a day!

    Lynn from For Love or Funny’s last blog post..Double take

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  16. 17

    Tiffany says

    Amen and amen woman. New moms get sooo freaked out and neurotic. It’s so much nicer to just wing it and take it easy and see what comes down the road. (as most of us with more than one child know!). Shoot, baby number three is scheduled to be here next Friday (as in less than a week). Do you think we’re even remotely set up for her? Nah? It’ll all fall into place.

    Tiffany’s last blog post..We Have A Birthday (I Think)

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  17. 18

    Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy says

    Now why didn’t someone give me a list like this 3.5 years ago!

    Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy’s last blog post..By the Numbers

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  18. 20

    T Rex Mom says

    Great posting. People are always filled with advice for new moms, rarely is it helpful.

    The only folks I usually say anything to are the ones who give birth in December – since my birthday is close to Christmas I like to remind those folks not to wrap any birthday gift in Christmas paper and never, never tell the child to pick a gift from under the tree and that’s the birthday gift.

    I spent years celebrating birthdays with snowman wrapped presents and poinsettia cakes!

    Thanks for sharing this excellent list.

    T Rex Mom’s last blog post..My First Award…

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