Candy Kirby
Latest posts by Candy Kirby (see all)
- Top 10 Post-Pregnancy Bodily Surprises - December 26, 2012
- Sleepless in Toddlerville - July 3, 2012
As many people know, the pregnant body goes through many strange and mysterious changes — “WHERE DID THAT NIPPLE HAIR COME FROM?” — yet the post-pregnancy body is rarely discussed, except in the requisite Us Weekly and Life & Style covers featuring an airbrushed celebrity mom in a bikini, hand on hip: “HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK!”
Well, let me tell you, some strange and mysterious changes strike the body after giving birth, as well. And I think everyone should know it…
10. If you are breastfeeding, your vagina will likely have something in common with the Sahara Desert. And, no, I am not talking about Dung Beetles taking up residence down there. Not usually, at least.
9. That dark line running down your stomach will go away, but may decide to hang out for a few months after pregnancy. On the bright side, vertical stripes are slimming!
8. Postnatal bleeding can last for weeks — like six to eight, even — and tampons are a no-no, so don’t throw on those white jeans just yet.
7. Sex after childbirth can be freakin’ painful — for up to a year. Took me nine months to enjoy it again after my first baby. True story. So either ease back into it slowly or, as your husband may prefer, practice your fake O-face in the mirror to make it convincing.
6. Post-pregnancy urinary tract infections are common. Thanks, urinary catheter!
5. Speaking of urine… in the hospital, a nurse will have to accompany you to the bathroom just to assist with the peeing process. Check your pride and humility at the bathroom door.
4. That luscious hair you grew during pregnancy? Yeah, it falls out, leaving you with unruly wisps around the face. HOT.
3. Your feet may grow. Permanently. Which is awesome when you already wore GARGANTUAN SIZE 9 SHOES. *Ahem* Not that I know anything about that.
2. After my first baby, I did not know that my breasts would spontaneously spring a leak — sometimes a very BIG leak — just from talking or thinking about my baby. Which led to a very awkward encounter with my male Starbucks barista while chatting about our kids.
1. The power of post-pregnancy hormones are severely underestimated. Hormonal levels drop precipitously the minute your baby is born and the placenta is expelled (YUM!), because the placenta was the hormone production factory in the body. True story. So not only can this cause extreme mood swings and depression, but it can also make you think that SUDDENLY DYING YOUR HAIR CLOWN RED IS A GOOD IDEA. *Ahem* Again, not that I would know anything about that. Or cried for four days straight after doing so. But all I can tell you after finally restoring my hair to its pre-baby color is: BY GOD, DO NOT LET THIS HAIR TRAGEDY STRIKE YOU!
Best of luck!
{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you missed the one where it hurts like no other just to pee! I dont know how it is there, but here in Norway, the hospital bathrooms have a small shower hose to use while peeing to lessen that pain. I had to continue for a week at home in the shower before I was “man” enough to tough it out.
Great post….I learned the hard way too about leakage from thinking or talking about my newborn. :-) Pattie
Or if like me you ended up with a c-section (after 24hrs of unsuccessful labour) Your lovely parting gift is an extreme fat overhang that is prone to topical yeast infections along my scar during the hot summer months. Sexy.
Omg me too….my incision decided to open up under the steri-strips yuck!
Mine did the same thing jackiee. I was lying in bed and raised it up to sit when my dad and step mom came to visit and there was a big gush. I looked to to see a puddle and thought at first it was vaginal. Nope. My incision opened up and kept doing so for six more weeks.
How about he fact that it seems impossible to get back down to your pre-pregnancy size! I only gained 15lbs when pregnant. Lost it all plus 5 lbs within the first 3 months but I never could squeze back into my size 2 :( My actual bone structure of my hips changed and got wider! So even if you do lose all the weight it doesn’t mean your clothes will ever fit the same again!
How terrible for you! lol. It took me five years to get back down to my size 8. I went up to a 14.
Hey at least you got back into your pre-pregnancy size! My son turns two next month and I’m still a size 6, despite being 5lbs less than i was pre-pregnancy. Whole closet full of clothes i’m sure i’ll never wear again but can’t bring myself to get rid of lol.
yeah, it sucks to lose your whole wardrobe. I got rid of all my old clothes when we moved because it was too depressing to hang onto these clothes when I thought I would never lose the weight! You never know, you might still get into your 2s again. how old is your child? like I said it took me five years ( but I do have two kids) Weight isn’t the thing. Fat weighs far less than muscle and gives you a different shape.
sorry I se eyou said he’s two then I asked you how old he is. doh!
Same here! And why don’t the guys get it that once your pelvis spreads to cradle the baby it doesn’t EVER go back?!? They all think we can exercise it back in place. I’d like to see them accomplish what we have.
Well actually my bf loves it. The added width of the pelvis gives the illusion that i actually have a little bit of an ass lol. Also have bigger boobs than i used to so he got all the benefits…but he’s not the one who has to be sad when nothing fits!
The shoe thing really threw me – really. I had a ton of beautiful shoes that I had to get rid of because I went up a full shoe size. Tragic.
Me too. And I was a size 10 before I got pregnant.
I was a 6 1/2 – I worked for Nine West and took full advantage of the employee discount. I cried – for days – getting rid of my red boots.
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Me, too. I was sick to my stomach the first time I tried on my favorite pair of Blahniks. Ended up selling off all of them on eBay. I now wear a 9.5 and it’s a hard size to fit for some reason. :(
I was floored that my feet grew a size . After each pregnancy. When I started at size 11. I miss buying shoes in a store :’(
For about 6 months after my daughter was born, I would get the sensation that I had just been kicked in the crotch. Constantly. For no reason.
My vagina would get this achy feeling all over! I thought I was a freak of nature.
I literally laughed out loud when I read this. Same thing happened to me!
and don’t forget about the first”after pregnancy”poop!That alone scared the hell out of me!!
For real. I clench up just thinking about that.
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Haha.. Im dying laughing over here. I was terrified to poop ..
The worst for me was the inability to make it to the potty before I started to pee. Horrifying.
ha ha. me too. and poop!
Yeah…. The whole postnatal bleeding thing….I don’t remember EVER hearing OR reading about it. EVER! Talk about unprepared…
Yeah, and now they have this suppository they give you right after the baby is born, that makes the bleeding lighter. Yay, except no one mentioned that it makes it last longer!
That is good to know considering I’m due with my 2nd kid in April. Hopefully I’ll be a little more prepared with everything this time around.
My feet grew! That was unexpected.
But I am not telling you what else happen to me but you listed a few, lol!
~Allie
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The shoe size thing definitely, the boob leaking thing absolutely, but no one ever mentioned to me the sheer weight of your breasts when your milk comes in. I remember rolling out of bed (literally cuz I had a c-section) and standing up and feeling like I had two 10 lb weights hanging off my chest. I was like omg owwwwwie! Between the leaking and the weight the only time I took a bra off for the first 6 months was when I was in the shower.
Yes!!!! I remember my boobs growing like 10 times their size and were heavy and hard as rocks! And my boobs are already no to begin with so that really sucked!
I’m having the same problem right now. Nobody told me my breasts were going to get so big and heavy. Mine were good sized to begin with (36c), now I’m wearing a 40dd and its too small! I never take my bra off, Its so uncomfortable.
Edema.
About 4 days post pardum I suddenly had kankles and sausage toes and it hurt to walk! I had no idea what was happening! Freaked me out!!!
OMG me too. I took pic. My feet look like bread loaves. My hubs could massage a big trench into the dough.
Me too! I had a c-section and was just leaving the hospital on my 4th day PP. It was 30 degrees outside and i had to go home with no shoes on because my feet were too fat! My doc said it was the extra fluid from the iv most likely.
Same here! I literally could only wear slippers for a week post-birth, even flip-flops hurt like hell because they cut into my sausage feet, and I swear my calves weighed twenty pounds each from water weight. Considering I refused to be seen in public pre-pregnancy in anything less than cute jeans and heels, taking my daughter to her three-day peds checkup in maternity yoga pants and sock monkey slippers felt like a huge kick in the teeth.
Edema happened to me at 5 months pregnant. My ankles and calves were so big, I wore men’s slippers for the rest of my pregnancy! I guess it was better, seeing that my shoes didn’t fit me ever again anyway. :(
The first shower after giving birth, you suddenly realize you not only grew a baby, but a set of balls between your legs too. There’s also the loss of sphincter control. Made sure I bought flushable wipes for myself.
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I didn’t expect stretch marks on my boobs, ass, and thighs. But mostly, I never, EVER heard that after the 2nd birth you experience painful uterine cramps while it contracts back to it’s pre-baby size. And it gets worse with each pregnancy/birth.
I got stretch marks everywhere after the second baby. I have them on the backs of my knees. It is astounding.
I know. I have them on the backs of my knees, where my arms join my body, my boobs, my stomach and they make nice criss crosses on my hips. I had to get rid of all my cap sleeved clothes. :(
I know what you mean! No one told me about those cramps hurting so much. I thought I was going to crap myself every time it happened.
so what I hear you saying is that we should all eat our placentas? double yum!
Who took a picture of my stomach and posted it on the internet?!
Im sure its not mine, but damn does it look the same. all i can say is yes… to all of the above.
I didn’t realize I would be able to feel my scar where they cut me for the rest of eternity, that breastfeeding takes dedication, or what a complete bitch external hemorrhoids can be. I hated pooping for a year.
I got the hemorrhoids with my last birth. Big enough to make the nurses say “OhMyGawd!!” They’re still there. The baby just turned 31 last November.
Breastfeeding is a bitch! The lactation consultant kept telling me “breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt” What the hell……It was awful for the first 5weeks, I’m talking toe curling pain. But we are all good now. It takes a lot of practice and yes, dedication.
No one prepared me for what a process it would be to use the bathroom in the days post-birth. It was like a 10 step process with all the sprays and the creams and the ice packs and everything else. I wasn’t expecting that at all.
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RIght?? It’s so surreal to think the crazy mesh underwear, sitz bath, and enormous pads filled with ice were my best friends in those days!
I never had swelling during the pregnancy, and I had a lot of energy and worked out almost every day. How bad could post-pregnancy be?,i thought, regrettably. From the extreme feet and leg swelling that scared me for 2 long weeks, to the painful intercourse, to the “not able to work out after work because the baby needs me to get right home to him so he can eat”… I lost most of the pregnancy weight within a few weeks but gained it back because with breastfeeding, I am ravenous.
I was not too pleased that a tiny tear near the urethra caused burning pain everytime a peed for 4 weeks. yuck. The midwife said it was too tiny to stitch, but that that I would feel it for awhile. Oh thanks, good fortune? NO. OUCH. It hurt to do both pee & poo. The whole process of going to the bathroom took a long time & it hurt… and I had a 2 year old in the next room yelling “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy”…
Your stretch marks will shed. Fun fun.
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Why couldn’t someone tell me that stretch marks can literally grow from your neck to your knees? I have a 4 inch spam across me back that still has pretty skin.
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I had an emergency c-section with my twins. I wish someone had informed me of the horrific pain from it all. I literally thought my abdomen exploded the first time I sneezed after my c-section. Not to mention I pissed my pants. Good times. And the 140 year old wrinkled flap of lower abdomen I am left with was a major bonus… I also developed a PUPPP rash after the surgery which covered most of my body. Whine.
Yes, isn’t “twin skin” fun? I also have that lovely lower abdomen after my c-section. And post-partum PUPPP? Ugh. I had it 8 weeks *before* my twins arrived, and I had to take prednisone because it was so severe. Whining is definitely in order when it comes to that rash.
I had no idea the nurse was going to have to make sure I peed before we were allowed to leave the hospital. I didn’t know I would be scared to poop because of my stitches. I had no idea my stretch marks would get so damn itchy when my skin is dry.
That first post pregnancy poop…ouch! And the night sweas worse that running a half marathon in the middle of the summer!
Oh yeah…the first poop…ugh. The hospital gave me WAY too many stool softners to counter-act the pain meds. My 3rd day PP in the hospital and I kept having to “try” to run back and forth to the bathroom because i ended up with diahreah. (And i had a c-section…OUCH!)
After both of my babies were born I remember having this weird feeling of air or gas inside of me..it would last for a few days. I think I would burp a lot to, so maybe it was gas. No one ever understood what I was taking about when I tried to tell them.
Ha! Love it!
The peeing during labor and after giving birth thing? They made MY HUSBAND help me with that. Not my finest moments.
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You forgot the poop, or lack there of. I was already constipated while pregnant and by the time LO was born via c-sec, I hadn’t gone for over a week. After she was born, again, didn’t go until at least 2 weeks and HOLY HELL!! My poor butthole….
First post pregnancy poo is scary painful!
Also, no one ever told me that my c-sec scar would itch like hell sporadically almost 6 months later.
You mean sex is only supposed to hurt for a year? Shit.
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How bout if even if you remotely get close to your pre-pregnancy weight it doesn’t matter because your body has mysteriously reshaped itself and intends to stay that way no matter what!
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Sex was super painful for 3 years after having my first. The reason? Without my consent or my realizing it, my Dr let a student stitch me up. Normally that might be fine, but not when I literally tore from HOLE TO HOLE! He ended sewing up a little flap of skin on the outside, when it should have been on the inside… The only fix was to have it snipped off. :( It finally was done when I was getting sewn up (by the OB!) after my 2nd.
Mommy’s First Hemorrhoids. Constipation that made me think I needed surgery. And I have an exposed nerve or something down there that is the opposite of a G spot. All because my doctor was in a big damn hurry and decided to take my kid out with a vacuum.
My nipples were so tender from breast feeding my first baby, that I could only take a shower with my back to the sprayer. Direct contact from the spray on my poor “girls” was excruciating!
I lost half my rear end after my son was born and the other half after my daughter came along. I’m thinking it may be time for the MOM jeans. ;) My hair came out in handfuls and is now growing in gray (grey, for US viewers) and wiry. Lovely. Good thing my kids are cute.
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I am execting my first March 7th, 2013. though may be sooner considering the awesome braxton’s. I am terrfied, i cry everyday i look and see the stretch marks, im lucky to be almost 35 weeks and not that big actually from what the OB an fellow women have told me. However, i am terrified of the after. The pain, the bleeding, the stress, the sleepless nights, the not being able to know wich cry is wich, and praying i wont need stitches. My hubby has no family but his mom an lets say she is not that great he even despises her (she has kept us waiting for the crib the only thing she made us tell everyone she is doing, an still hasnt ordered it), my family is all two states away so its really only me and him. Im mortified reading all this but love how you all are so REAL =)
OH my GOURD I am dying laughing here (well, a bit ruefully, but laughing nonetheless). I can so relate. “Check your humility at the door” at the hospital post-birth…erm, yep. The janitor could walk in and you’d just fling a body part in his face without hesitation and say, “Does this look normal to you?”
OMG. The picture of the post preggo belly looks JUST LIKE MINE!
Please don’t forget to pack extra pads in the diaper bag. I remember the first time I took my second born to church. She was beautiful, the family coordinated, it was time for pictures in the directory after the service. However halfway through the service, she began to fuss, I took her out to the nursing room. That’s when it started. After eating she sat back, and had a complete blowout all over the back of her dress. At that precise moment I felt something alarming in my own body as well. Long story short, my dainty post pregnancy flow had turned into Niagra Falls, my wonderful breasts leaked worse then a cracked dam, tears running down my face. From that point on I packed a Mom outfit in the old diaper bag as well.
Now I know being a mommy involves Wonder Woman feats and Macguiver antics to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but didn’t know the efforts I would go thru in the 48 hrs after leaving the hospital after my first (and only!) child by c-section. My sister came to help me (with her 15 month old she was still breastfeeding) and after our first night home with screaming newborn, told hubby and I to go sleep in her hotel room while she held down the fort w/ 2 kids. I hadn’t worried about milk coming in, but started having heavy boobs while at the hotel. Hubs was snoring away, so I grabbed the ice bucket and walked down the hall to get ice. Then, returning to the room, looked around and realized I’d need to figure out something to put said ice into times two, for both sides. And, who knew the plastic wrappers around the cups would make perfectly sized, waterproof ice bags? voila! Oh, and that bleeding and goo afterwards? For some reason, I thought I’d be spared all that stuff but got to go thru it even though my girl parts didn’t get smushed with a baby exiting thru it. Ya learn something every day! Oh, I was also confused why the nurse told me I needed to go into the bathroom with her and sit on the pot while I was still cateterized–she gave me the whole “this is how to take care of the area” thing, showed me the squeeze bottle, pads, etc. So loved the mesh undies! So nice we can laugh about it all now.
Wow, all of this is so true! Especially the part about checking your pride at the bathroom door. After my pregnancy, I found it hard to control my bladder and was using pantyliners to keep myself dry. I then found out that there are products for women just like me. I prefer the higher-quality brands like Tena and Prevail and like to get them from The Quality of Life Store (www.theqolstore.com) because then I don’t have to deal with buying them in the store. Thanks for sharing, Candy. It’s nice to know others out there are experiences some of the same things after childbirth.
How about not only do you bleed for weeks and even months after the baby comes, but how what comes out of you starts out at red blood then turns a light pink then a whitish yellow.. “lochia alba” as they call it for weeks. how your pelvic muscles become so weak you pee every time you sneeze, cough hard or even work out. Or how after delivering you still look 5 months pregnant with a belly resembling jelly. Or linea negra (the black line that runs across your belly button) Mine remained dark and intact until about 6 months post delivery and was very crooked haha. Or the swelling post delivery.. I had NO swelling before going into the hospital but when I came out my lower legs and ankles were so swollen it was like play dough you push your finger against the skin and it stayed indented for minutes… weird (not surprised considering the day and a half it took my son to come out they gave me 6 bags of saline). Or at the shear amount of women that DO have a BM during delivery… I think its about 40%.. yup not a myth. Or how you go to sleep with normal boobs and then overnight when your milk comes in you went up over a cup size, weigh a few pounds more and have leaked milk through your clothes and sheets… literally overnight. Or how you have more then one hole where milk comes out and when you are engorged and the baby pulls away during breastfeeding its like 5 different squirt guns spraying milk in different directions. Or how painful it is breastfeeding with a clogged milk duct. and yes how your body changes. after losing almost all the baby weight I’m stuck with big hips and love handles. And stretch marks.. somehow didn’t get even one on my stomach where you would think I would but got plenty on my hips, boobs and upper legs. Oh I could go on and on about all the weird, annoying things pregnancy leaves you with that no one talks about. Looks like I get to look forward to all these awesome things once again in 5 weeks. Sorry to all the first time pregnant moms reading this who are wondering what they got themselves into but I will say.. all of it is TOTALLY worth it!
You will discover some interesting points in time in this article but I do not know if I see all of them center to heart. There is certainly some validity but I will take hold opinion until I look into it further. Good post , thanks and we want additional! Added to FeedBurner also
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And don’t forget about good old colic. The only person my wife had to help her before and after the pregnancy was me. She went directly in to hard labor and stayed there 16 hours when they finally decided to give her a C-section.
My poor son had colic from day one. At five days old the female doctor told my wife and I that our son was spoiled and was going to grow up to be a mean person. To this day 23 years later I still have trouble believing she said that. The Dr. had just talked to the night nurses before seeing us. My son had been keeping the nurses and aides busy at night with his crying.
When we got him home we thought that the stories we heard about newborns sleeping all the time was a myth. Out of a 24 hour day my son only got 3 to 4 hours of sleep off and on. The rest was spent crying. At least there was nothing wrong with his lungs.
A good nights sleep was a thing of the past for us. I also had to go back to work. In spite of that I’d send my wife off to bed at 9 or 10 o’clock. Actually I did not send her. She was always so tired she went anyway. I would stay up with my son until 3 or 4 AM. Sometimes I could get him to go to sleep and other times I could not until 4 AM. I soon got to be an expert in soothing a colicy baby.
I’d sleep but if my son started crying I’d get up and walk with him. My son gained weight rapidly. Later I told somebody it was like getting up in the night, grabbing a 20 pound sack, and walking 5 miles with it. Occasionally the sack would sprout an arm and reach up to grab my beard hair. It would grab just barely enough to support it’s entire weight. Try going back to sleep after that.
Our female doctor would not believe our son had colic. She did not believe in colic at all. She did believe in “Nervous and incompetent new parents”. Later at about 5 weeks we took him to another doctor. My son was laying there on the table screaming. The doctor calmly marched in, plopped his stethoscope on my sons belly. pulled it off, and said ” Yep it’s colic allright.” ” Tell you what to do is buy a fifth of whiskey, put one drop in the baby’s milk, and then you drink the rest of it yourselves because YOU’RE GOING TO NEED IT!”
My sons colic stopped at 8 weeks. On our own we figured that my son might have a milk allergy. We switched him to a soybean based milk and BINGO it stopped. We looked at the pictures we’d taken 8 weeks earlier and commented on how much younger we looked back then.
My son’s colic episode screwed up his sleep patterns until he was in his late teens. He’s always been a night owl wanting to stay up all night.
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