23 Ways to Piss Off Your Child


Want to piss off your child for some reason? No judgement. Turns out it’s pretty damn easy…

1. Wake them up in the morning.  

2. Wipe their face off with your own spit.

3. Accidentally put their current homework in the recycling bin because you thought it was their old homework.

4. Say you are going to limit their screen time. And then actually do it.

5. Not pick them up immediately from school when they call home sick because you didn’t have your ringer on, and then they have to sit in the nurse’s office with that weird kid.

6. Not save that one piece of artwork that was super duper important for their quality of life and overall happiness.

7. Ask them to feed the dog. Even if that’s their only responsibility in the whole wide world.

8. Try to explain their homework to them without using the exact same words that their teacher uses.

9. Stop reading at a cliff-hanger in Harry Potter. “And the such and such monster was just about to eat Harry Potter and all his friends and then…Well, nighty-night honey! Sweet dreams!”

10. Suggest a clothing change when they have their mind set on wearing that crazy old shrunken sweater of your husbands and those one pants that make them look homeless.

Related: 25 Ways To Annoy A Toddler

11.  Remind them that their homework exists.

12. Have only “boring” snacks at home.

13. Not prevent holes from appearing in their favorite socks. And then be an inept sock repair-person.

14. Not get Skylander’s Swap Force characters because you have already spent a good portion of their college education on regular Skylander’s characters.

15. Get so dizzy watching their Mine Craft roller coaster that you have to close your eyes and then you miss “the coolest part!” because you thought you were going to vomit.

16. At dinner, ask them to eat with utensils.

17. And use a napkin instead of their shirt.

18. And to say polite-person type words.

19. And to Just. Sit. In. A. Freaking. Chair.

20. Try to explain stuff to them that they are currently learning about in school. Because they obviously know WAY more about heart health than you, even if you do have a Masters degree in Physical Therapy and have actually cut into a human heart before.

21. Have only boring things to watch. And then try to explain to them how lucky they are to have So Many Choices of things to watch and that when you were a kid, you only had like, one choice, and it was something like The Dukes of Hazzard, and then their eyes glaze over and you’ve lost them.

22. Ask them to please try to pee in the toilet and not just in the general direction of the toilet.

23. Inform them that it’s bedtime.

Related: How to be the Most Embarrassing Parent in the World

About the writer


Joelle Wisler is a writer and mom living in the mountains who loves quiet Saturday mornings and other mythical things like personal space and time to think. She named her blog Running From Mountain Lions so that if she ever meets up with a big cat, at least she can go down in a blaze of irony. Her writing has been flung haphazardly about the internet, but she writes regularly for Scary Mommy and The Huffington Post. She made The Today Show's List of Funniest Parents on Facebook and contributed to the anthology Scary Mommy's Guide To Surviving The Holidays. Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

From Around the Web


Spencer Leeper 2 years ago

I will have you know that "Minecraft" is just one word, not two.

Elaine A. 2 years ago

Oh my gosh, this sounds SO MUCH like my house! #12 is a biggie around here. And replace #14 with Legos and you are spot on.

me 2 years ago

This is just stupid.

Techie 2 years ago

number 9 the kid deserves to get pissed off…Who can leave a cliffhanger on Harry Potter?

Pam 2 years ago

Hahaha! There is so much to look forward to. PS #10 may or may not be true of my husband (the homeless person looking pants part)

    Joelle Wisler 2 years ago

    Hahahaha! What you said recently…at least he’s consistent!

Keia 2 years ago

Love this. However, #’s 19, 21, and 22 are my absolute favorite…or shall I say make me the craziest!

Heather Holter 2 years ago


kris 2 years ago

#14… ugh. I went broke buying the whole set of regular skylanders, even going onto Ebay to buy the last one, because it was out of circulation, and we had to have it, and it ended up costing 30 dollars. Then we went the stupid skylanders giants route, but because I now had absolutely no money, we only got like 3 characters, and those were given to him a previous christmas ago. Then they came out with swapforce, and he was all, I want it, and I was like, heck no. We couldn’t even get the giants characters, and they put them out of circulation so they could put in the new game. Total money suck. Total useless money suck.

Jill 2 years ago

I love this so much. Pretty sure it was written by someone looking in my windows. :)

Mary 2 years ago

Minecraft rollercoaster!! LOL Yes, no kidding. I love the game, but there are just too many COOLEST THING EVER’s to see some days, especially when I’m working.


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