10 Things I Forgot To Put On My Baby Registry


There are few things that are as stressful and exciting to a first time expectant mom than the baby registry. We spend hours shopping and planning ahead for that mystery child of ours, completely clueless about what the hell we’ll actually need. A wipe warmer? Sophie the giraffe? Snort. Here’s what I I really needed once I had a baby…

1. A full-time nanny. Preferably one who is a wet nurse and does sleep-training.

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2. Five huge packs of overnight maxi pads. I was NOT prepared for all that post-birth bleeding. Nor were my underpants.

3. A wine sippy cup. And a subscription to a Wine of the Month Club. Do they make Wine of the Week Day Clubs?

4. New boobs. Oh, and while I’m under the knife, go ahead and do one of those vaginal rejuvenation things, too.

5. A case of Children’s Benadryl a.k.a. The Only Thing That Will Help My Sick Child Sleep.

6. A waterproof mattress pad. For MY bed. Leaky nipples and new mattresses do not go well together.

7. A white noise machine. Not sure why these are marketed as products for babies…it’s the moms who need these to drown out the all the crying.

8. Breastmilk alcohol test strips. See #3.

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9. A gift card to Ann Taylor. Somehow I don’t think my Forever 21 wardrobe is gonna cut it anymore.

10. Marriage counseling sessions, because (surprise!) parenting brings on a entirely new set of things for you and your spouse to argue about.

About the writer

Lindsay Podolak is a wife, mother, and Real Housewives Super Fan. In her 15 minutes of free time each day, she enjoys running, reading, and sampling the finest twist-off bottles of wine that $10 can buy. She blogs about motherhood and all things Bravo on her blog, The Naughty Mommy.


Carrie 2 years ago

So funny! I love your hilarious take on the joys of new parents! You nailed it :)

Sarah Donza-Hughes 2 years ago

HILARIOUS!!!! I never thought of the waterproof mattress for my bed until my daughter peed on me and all over my bed. I have one now!! LOVE THIS!!

clintzn 2 years ago

Too funny! and SO true.

amy 2 years ago

My second child is due this summer, I’m wondering if I can get a re-do this time around. Definitely asking for these things.

momwhogetsit 2 years ago

Yes!! To all!! I laughed my way all the way through this — you know, because I have a sense of humor and frankly, its TRUE!

Kris 2 years ago

This list is awful. Ugh, sleep training has proved this to be harmful. Breast milk alcohol test strips, completely unnecessary – if you’re safe to drive, you’re safe to breastfeed. New boobs and vaginal rejuvenation – great message to send us all. I am more than my body. I hope someday you can feel at peace with yourself too. I wish prominent mommy pages wouldn’t promote crap like this.

    Brianna 2 years ago

    You realize that the whole point of “Scary Mommy” and the bloggers here is to promote normalcy, not “super mom” behavior, right? That it’s okay to feel these things and you shouldn’t be harangued by others for how you feel or what you feel – unless it is legitimately going to cause harm to someone. These are things SHE wishes SHE could put on her baby registry, not things she WANTS women to put on THEIR registries. If you can’t stand humor that is so dry and sarcastic, perhaps you should find a different community that promotes condemnation towards mothers who just need to let loose once in a while.

      momwhogetsit 2 years ago

      Hear! Hear! Geez.. lots of panties up butts these days…

        Guest 2 years ago

        There is a nifty little thing called sarcasm…and there’s another little thing called humor…I highly suggest that Kris pull her head out of her higher than mighty ass and learn what those two things are!

    AY 2 years ago

    I think you might have stumbled across this website by mistake. There are plenty of sites out there that give straightforward information without a side of humor, sarcasm, or general reminders that we’re all human. If you ever feel like letting your guard down, laughing at yourself, or realizing that none of us are perfect, feel free to come on back!

Leslie mom of 4 2 years ago

Yes to all 10! Plus I would add to #4 getting rid of all that stretched out stomach skin. :-/


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